GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 92
August 2010
Mid season Quiz
The Professor directs his latest at me
The Canadian province of Ontario may seem an unlikely venue for the solution of one of modern cricket's many mysteries but, mindful of my responsibilities to Googlies readers, I have James, even on vacation, been investigating a puzzle which I know has worried you for some time. I speak, of course, of the presentation in most televised cricket matches of the various speeds at which the ball is bowled. No sooner has the thing left the bowler’s hand than there it is on the screen - 87.4mph or 73.9mph or whatever.
I know that you, James, have long held the "theory" (if that doesn’t do violence to a noble concept) that this is a spurious piece of technical presentation - or to slip into your favoured vernacular: "A load of bollocks". Indeed I know that you have long held the view that this information is normally provided by a little old man sitting in the pavilion who looks at each ball, makes up a number and presses the relevant buttons. How else to explain the recording of Collingwood bowling a ball faster than Broad or Bresnan than Anderson?
Well, and purely in the interests of our readers, I can now reveal the truth.
My nephew works for the Ontario police department and last week I went out with him for the day in his squad car. And a jolly time we had of it too, whizzing up and down the highway, blue lights flashing, in pursuit of people who had an out of date tax disc or might have dropped some litter (there is very little crime in Ontario). After a couple of hours of this, and the obligatory stops for coffee and doughnuts, we decided to set up a speed trap. For this you need a place of concealment (my nephew knows many) and a “speed gun”. The gun looks like a very large torch and all you do is stick it out of the window, point it at some poor sod driving fast and press the trigger. This then gives a reading of mph. You then get the fun of chasing the car (which has by this time anyway slowed down) and giving the driver a “ticket”. The gun is accurate to 3 kilometres, which means, among other things, that when you eventually see the police car and slow down, it is about a mile too late.
However, this handy little gadget can also be configured to emit a “cone of radiation” (sic) which can give the speed of anything that crosses its path and, importantly, can distinguish between objects (rather important, since one wouldn’t wish to confuse an articulated lorry with a passing pigeon). Since this device is so simple that even I can operate it I think it throws sever doubt on your little old man theory…indeed your load of old bollocks is…bollocks.
You will be relieved to know James, being a man of liberal views in everything (except economics), that no one that I “clocked” was fined - although a couple were given a severe talking to by “partner” (as I learned to call the man I had know since he was born) on the need to drive “responsibly”, as we indeed did on our way home… at about 150mph.
WGCCC Matters
I was delighted to receive an invitation from David Beynon to the Lifers’ Lunch in the WGCCC Cricket week. David has succeeded the Professor as President of the club and it was his first Lifers Lunch. This used to comprise the ten life members of the club but has now been extended to eleven members to facilitate the inclusion of Martin James. David welcomed the assembled company by putting them in batting order. This reunited the Professor with Martin James and prompted the former to recall the last time they had actually opened together. The Professor explained that he had brought up their hundred partnership with a leg glance for two, which took him into double figures.
Martin still plays for the first eleven and found himself on thin ice in this company as he attempted to defend his side’s aggressive sledging activities. Phil Joiner, in particular, was strongly opposed and he gave no leeway to the lamentable occasions when the sledging had been directed at the umpires. It was good to hear the senior members of the club actively trying to impose traditional values.
Many players take up golf in the latter part of their careers and continue when their playing days are over. Keith Piggott was asked how often he went to the course these days. He replied that he went to the golf club at least three days a week but often did not make it past the bar where he considered himself a scratch performer.
The Professor is one of the few who is an expert on the laws of the game and he received unanimous support for his opposition to the ridiculous new backing up law. However, he couldn’t generate any support for his views that leg byes should be abolished. The general feeling was that it would encourage bowlers to aim for the pads as a negative tactic. He also whimsically suggested that LBWs should be allowed when the ball hits the pad outside the off stump. Phil Joiner pointed out that most innings would quickly be wrapped up if this were to be implemented.
Paddy Carlin and I discussed the influence of baseball on the techniques employed in flat bat hitting particularly in Twenty/20 matches. We also noted that baseball has had a big impact on modern fielding practices. We wondered how long it would be before the double play was introduced whereby both batsmen could be run out by a deft flick of the ball to the far end to catch the second batter out of his ground after the first has already been run out.
But what of the cricket? The previous day a member of the opposition side had scored 140 not out. It turned out that he was a registered player with Western Australia. The same ringer turned out for the Malcontents on the day I was there and he scored 158 out of 260 for 7 declared. Such scores are of no consequence to modern club sides and when I left WGCCC had progressed to 70 for 0 from five overs and three balls had already been lost.
Middlesex matters
The Great Jack Morgan has been watching any proper cricket available
I went to Ealing for the second XI 3-dayer versus Lancashire and saw the home team declare late on day one at 324 for 9. Skipper Dan Housego (59) shared a stand of 104 with Tom Scollay (91), a 22 year old from Alice Springs, who scores thousands of runs for Eastcote and has a British passport and the latter found another useful partner in John Simpson (53), but the situation deteriorated rapidly from 192 for 2 as no one else made more than Kabir Toor's 29*. It was clear that those who got starts should have gone on to bigger scores, but unknown leg-spinner "Aggers" Agathelegou quickly turned the match in Lancashire's favour with a spell of 4 for 25 in 9 overs. Lancashire looked in a little trouble at 56 for 2, but a long slow stand of 200 between Adrian Shankar (122), who played for Middlesex 2s, Cambridge UCCE, MCCYCs, Sussex 2s, Bedfordshire and Kent 2s before becoming a professional with Lancashire and skipper and keeper Luke Sutton (100) put the visitors in complete control. After this sound base, Lancashire picked up the scoring rate mainly through 19 year old Luke Perry who hit powerfully for 85* and received good support from Jordan Clark (32) and WI Test player Daren Powell (27) and Lancashire declared on 468 for 8 after less than an hour on day 3. Ex-MCCYCs man Kyle Hodnett was the best of the home bowlers with 3 for 93.
Again Middlesex were struggling at 26 for 2, but quality batting from Scollay (59), promising 17 year old Adam Rossington (53) and Jackson Thompson (32) playing more responsibly than usual, appeared to have averted the danger of defeat. However, another collapse occurred, this time inspired by paceman Powell's 4 for 44, as they descended to 222 for 8 with time for Lancashire to knock off the runs. Fortunately, John Simpson (69*) stood firm and his batting in this match has contrasted sharply with his very ordinary keeping. However, perhaps his keeping will benefit from the specialist coaching he received (along with young keepers Stuart Poynter and Rossington) on day 3 from Jack Russell, who disappointingly, failed to don the famous battered sunhat for the coaching sessions! Surprisingly, however, Simpson received extremely sound support from tail-ender Danny Evans (16*), who some regard as a crude slogger, but who batted with admirable restraint and technique to ensure that Middlesex banished the prospect of defeat as they closed on 253 for 8. There is no parking at Ealing these days, so I travelled by bus and by day 3, I had cut half an hour off the time it had taken me to get to the ground on day 1, so quite flukishly, I was already in my seat when the umpires and players made a surprise entrance at 10.30 am to start proceedings half an hour early on day 3: can you imagine turning up at the theatre to find that, on a whim, the cast had decided to start at 7.30 pm instead of 8pm... I nearly demanded my money back!
I finally made my debut at Radlett for the second XI Championship match v Gloucestershire: it was the seventeenth home ground on which I have seen Middlesex play. It is a pleasantly rural ground (if you are able to ignore the roar of trains dashing back and forth to Luton on the north-eastern side of the ground; it has an impressive pavilion; the scoreboard is definitely above average and it has ample seating for 17 spectators! Car drivers take their own seating of course, but my journey on my first day at Radlett involved a bus, three trains, a 15 minute walk from the station and took 2 hours and 47 minutes... this is not the sort of journey on which one wants to carry a chair! They could at least throw a few plastic chairs or deckchairs around the place. Gloucestershire won the toss and made a poor start with experienced men Will Porterfield and Steve Snell both back in the pavilion with only 14 on the board. This partly explained the fairly cautious approach adopted by Ian Cockbain (son of Iain Cockbain of Lancashire and Cheshire) with 39, Mike O'Shea (ex-Glamorgan and rumoured to have been joining Middlesex a couple of years ago) with 51, Rob Woodman (ex-Somerset) also 51, Louis Gegg (68) and Richard Coughtrie (59*) as they rebuilt the innings to see Gloucestershire all out early on day 2 for 344. Tom Hampton was the best of the bowlers with 3 for 56.
It was interesting to see that Gloucestershire 2s followed the example of their first team by fielding three keepers in this match: Coughtrie kept wicket until an eye injury forced him to give way to Gegg, who is a capable keeper and, of course, Snell is also a keeper (who has kept for the first team and for Middlesex 2s). Middlesex took a more enterprising attitude in reply and Adam London (83), Kabir Toor (63) and Jackson Thompson (64) all impressed, but the star of the innings was Tom Scollay with a magnificent 179 and he has been rewarded with a two year contract. On the last morning, Robbie Williams (32) and Danny Evans (24*) enjoyed a bit of a thrash before the declaration came at 563 for 9, a lead of 219. It was easy to see why Gloucestershire do not bother with a spinner in their first team as skipper Vikram Banerjee (slow left arm) and Jack Taylor (off-spin) made little impression and took one wicket for 211 between them, while trialist O'Shea took the bowling honours with 5 for 135 in 29 overs with his part-time off-spin. When the visitors batted again, Porterfield played very well for his 92 and although Middlesex saw a glimmer of hope at 141 for 4, Woodman (60) and Gegg (54) ensured the draw. Ravi Patel thoroughly deserved his 6 wickets (for 118 in 27 overs) in the Gloucestershire second innings, but though Middlesex employed nine bowlers in the match none of them could help out Ravi with a second innings wicket. It was only 1st of July, but already it seems that my second XI season is over because the only remaining 2s home fixtures coincide precisely with home first XI fixtures: what sort of cretin could possibly approve such a clash? Though watching the first XI at present is so painful that I might prefer the 2s if only they played somewhere more convenient than Radlett.
I went to Lord's to see the absolutely disgraceful one-day performance against the Bangladeshis. The attendance would have been ordinary if it had not been for several thousand Bangladeshi schoolchildren making a horrific racket in the Compton stand. Middlesex put out a terribly weak team that contained only four regular first teamers (3 batsmen plus keeper Simpson) and the Bangles made hay against the second team attack. The most successful batsmen were Jahurul Islam (88) and Imrul Kayes (77) who shared a thoroughly entertaining stand of 143 for the third wicket. The Bangles scored at roughly 6 an over throughout and ended (unsurprisingly) on 301 for 7 after their 50 overs; Danny Evans took 3 for 51. The Middlesex batting looked stronger than the bowling, but the batters probably did worse than the bowlers. Owais Shah was the only batsman who looked capable of matching the visitors' scoring rate and his stand of 87 with Dawid Malan was the only period when Middlesex might have held faint hopes of winning; but when Owais was out for 61, the innings fell apart rapidly and the Bangladeshis deservedly won by 141 runs, opening bowler Shafiul Islam taking 3 for 31. Middlesex's team selection and performance were an insult to both the visitors and the spectators.
Carlin Matters
Paddy Carlin checks out the Oval
In lovely sunny weather I went to the Oval for what looked as if it could be a mismatch. Surrey were reinforced with the availability of their giant pacemen, Nel and Tremlett; Ramps was also there, Gareth Batty was back to strengthen bowling and batting, Davies was to feature as wicketkeeper/batsman and there was a new youthful captain in Hamilton-Brown. Also the opposition were much weaker than last year. No van der Wath, no Boje and, dare I say it, no Panesar. What could possibly go wrong for Surrey? It didn’t.
Apart from four good overs from Lucas which saw Davies caught in the gully and causing Lancefield to continually play and miss, the Northants bowling was poor.It was predictable that Ramprakash would fill his boots as he pottered along deflecting short balls for singles either side of the wicket and push driving straight when the ball was pitched up. The end result was an innings over a day and a half of 248 with maybe one play and miss and no chances at all. Hamilton-Brown crashed a run a ball century to entertain the sparse crowd and later Spriegel got his ton too playing some lovely drives among the air shots. It was cruel to watch and very predictable.
In the comfort of the Montpellier Club with only the omni-present Surrey member Barry, Tony Murphy, Keith Medlycott and Roger Hamilton Brown (Rory’s dad) for company an agreeable time was had by all. There is much optimism at Surrey despite the disappointment at losing the services of Chawla who the Surrey luminaries present thought would win the league for them. In the unlikely event that Nel and Tremlett stay fit, Dernbach and Meaker make progress, Tom Maynard is signed for next season along with Murali then the sky is the limit. Will this happen? Watch this space.
There was speculation as Ramprakash went on his merry way that as batsmen have a bowling machine to help them in the nets that someone should use advanced technology to invent a robot Ramprakash batting machine. This device would take no chances, would score singles to off and leg from short balls, occasionally launch a vicious pull or cut and would tidily push drive the overpitched ball into the V. Bowlers would soon learn to bowl perfectly as Northants were incapable of doing.
An anecdote from Roger Hamilton-Brown concerning his last appearance for Warwickshire. The game took place against Worcestershire at Dudley. The ground was known as requiring the longest walk from the pavilion to the middle. Roger was at number three and had watched Amiss and Jameson add 200 at a run a ball. When the wicket fell Roger walked to the middle to receive his first ball from Jolly Jack Flavell. The result was an edge to slip and a golden duck. Roger took the long walk back to the pavilion. As he reached the boundary the umpires recalled him as they were not convinced that the ball had carried. The next ball bowled him and he began his walk again. As he got to the boundary a shout from the crowd came “ Come on, for fuck’s sake, let’s give the lad another go”.
Did I not make myself clear Matters
The Professor has more to say on TV
My piece in Googlies 90 seems to have rattled the cages of a couple of old friends (David Beynon and The Great Jack Morgan) and so I thought, in the hope of starting an informed debate, to set out the issues I raised in a little more detail. Googlies readers of long standing may recall earlier discussions about the selling of TV rights to Sky. The First Class counties (in effect the ECB) get around £2 million each p.a. from the deal. No doubt they think they need the money but the principal questions are: what do they do with it and what is the long-term impact on cricket in this country?
Many counties are improving their grounds and spending money on cricket development which is splendid but in my view the funds spent on players non-qualified (NQ) for England, often on very short contracts, is not in the long-term interests of the game. (The issue, let us be clear, is not where a person was born, but whether they can play for the Country – my view is that two things are essential to stimulate enthusiasm for cricket: that the national side is successful and that it is seen to be successful). My example, which upset the Great Man, was Somerset. I have seen them twice this year and asked, rhetorically, whether a young quick bowler might have his ambition dulled by the sight of three 30-something NQs (Wright, Willoughby and Thomas) in the first team. Now anyone who has done any teaching knows the danger of using examples and analogies…the example is pursued and the point of the argument missed. The Great Man’s response is that he has seen Somerset Twos this year and no one is good enough to make the Firsts. Moreover, if they did play, “Somerset’s First Class status would be called into question”. Assuming, as I think we must, that Jack’s assessment is correct, does this not therefore beg the question? How is it that a County which has held First Class status since 1891 now finds itself in such a position? It would, apparently, lose that status if it did not play four or five NQ players. But I used Somerset as an example. There are many others. Indeed, at our last Old Danes gathering we talked about a county match where there were eleven South Africans taking part. Can anyone, except the Great Man, think this is the way forward for English cricket?
David’s criticism is more serious. His argument is that the Sky money is well spent at Minor County level …and I feel sure it is. However the sums that go to cricket at this level are very small – the ECB gets an excellent return on their handout since there are many people like David all around the country who do hundreds and hundreds of hours of unpaid work in support of cricket. However this rather misses the point.
Cricket is in long term decline in this country both in participation and spectating. Some 40% less recreational cricket is played now than 25 years ago. Large numbers of village teams have folded, as have many town clubs. Of the 3,500 secondary schools in the state sector a tiny number now regularly field cricket teams. Recreational cricket is now largely the preserve of clubs and the commercial school sector - which educates only 7% of young people. Spectator numbers are in similar long term decline; while Test matches continue to attract good crowds (at least in this country) and Twenty/20 (much derided in this journal) has been a great success, county attendances are tiny compared to twenty, thirty or forty years’ ago. Indeed, taking the 800 or so readers of this journal (a more skewed sample than which it is difficult to imagine) how many, in addition to the Great Jack Morgan and myself have been to (say) more than five first class county matches this year, or last?...20?... 40? How can such a business survive? “Where” to quote myself, “will future enthusiasts for the game come from when this generation is gone”?
It’s easy to misread all this. If you immerse yourself in county cricket, only have contact with fee-charging schools and read (say) the Daily Telegraph, it is easy to think that cricket is more popular than it is. But go out on the street, ask people if they follow cricket, ask them if they know (or care) who the County Champions are, ask them who the World Twenty/20 Champions are (compare and contrast the answers you would get had England been football world champions). This summer, mindful of my responsibilities to this journal, I did three minutes research. I stood in a newsagent, picked up the three most popular tabloids (I didn’t buy them…I still have a reputation to uphold) and counted in from the back page to find the first mention of cricket. The results were 8, 9, and 13 pages for the Mirror, Sun and Star respectively. And these are popular papers – that is they are read by the populace. And who were England playing the next day? Oh…Australia.
Cricket’s popularity is declining in this country. I wish it wasn’t so, but it is so. To deny it is just wishful thinking.
And what is the ECB’s answer to this state of affairs? To reverse, or even halt, this trend? It is to sell the viewing rights for international cricket to a minority provider. David says that “…it is regrettable that Test cricket is not available to the many on terrestrial TV…” It is not. It is not “regrettable” - it is a woeful, short-sighted bit of commercialism. It exacerbates a trend towards cricket as a minority (and eventually elitist) sport. We live in a tele-visual age. How will young boys get turned on to cricket if they don’t play it at school and don’t see it on the TV? Compare the reaction in the country to the Ashes wins in 2005 and 2009 – I know the wait had been longer in the first case but it is truly myopic not to see the impact that restricted viewing had. In the event that young players do come through the club system (and I note that both David and Jack “claim” Finn as their own) they then have the hurdle of county teams packed with (Sky-financed) NQs.
Let’s just go through this again. The ECB sells the TV rights to Sky thus ensuring that comparatively few young people in this country can watch the national side. It then gives that money to the First Class counties (in effect itself) to pay the salaries of non-English qualified cricketers – presumably because there are not enough good English ones. Why? Because the popularity of cricket in England is declining. Why?...and so on, and so on. Now - simple question - is there a single Googlies reader who thinks that this is a desirable, sustainable or even sensible state of affairs?
Yorkshire matters
Robin Sharp sent me the following:
“Your last publication reminded me that I must send you a copy of the autographs that I have just recently found again. Yorkshire at its best; I got them at Harrogate possibly in the late sixties. I was trying to get the autographs as the players came back into the pavilion with no luck at all. Someone who was watching me obviously took pity and asked me if I wanted the team autographs, to which I answered “yes please”. He took the book from me and returned it sometime later all duly signed – still have no idea to this day who the guy was. I was in the members’ enclosure; he obviously had access to the players pavilion.”
This will bring exquisite happiness to Eric Stephens, if no one else, who, no doubt, will email me with a listing of the authors of the autographs.
Reunion Matters
Charlie Womersley is a former Chairman of the Lord’s Taverners and he has recently set up a web site for sporting reunions. It is a social networking site with three separate account types:
Account Type 1 - Personal Account
Get in touch and keep in touch with teammates old and new, join and create online clubs, send private messages, write public messages, add videos and upload an unlimited number of photos.
Account Type 2 - Sports Club or Sporting Organisations Account
As well as the ability for you (and your members) to add photos and videos to your club page you have three features: Live Notice Board, Show Your Facilities, Discussion Board. Sporting Reunions will also give you a free link to your own website and a link to your email.
Account Type 3 - Sports Charity Account
As well as the ability for you (and your members) to add photos and videos to your charity page you have three further features: Latest News, Add New Events and Discussion Board
At Sporting Reunions all accounts are free. If you would like to take a look go to: www.sportingreunions.com
Club Matters Robin Ager sent me this:
“You recently referred in Googlies to the high scores being recorded in club cricket these days. Well, what about this? On Saturday 10 July, Finchley scored 362 for 3 at Twickenham, to which the home team replied with 365 for 8. According to the report in the local paper, this set a Middlesex Premier Division run chase record: I'm not surprised! The game also broke the record for aggregate runs. The Twickenham coach (Martyn Fryer - who he?) was quoted as saying that "we felt they mistimed their declaration a little". Talk about adding insult to injury.
Twickenham were promoted to the Premier Division last year for the first time and, after a slowish start, have done very well, having beaten the perennial champions Ealing the week before the Finchley game. It is only a few years ago that Twickenham were on a par with Turnham Green, now languishing in Division Two of the Middlesex Championship. On the face of it, they were clubs of similar standing and resources, and it might be interesting to explore how Twickenham were able to reinvent themselves as a force in the county.”
Twenty20 Cricket
Does anyone think that the 2010 season of 161 games makes sense? How many decent games have there been? Are the games well supported? Have any new players come through? What campaign needs to be started to reduce these one dimensional matches in favour of more county or one day cricket? I think that it is outrageous that the counties charge their members entrance fees for these games on top of their subs. It is as if they are recognising that it is not part of the proper season’s activities and must be paid for additionally. It does now dominate the best part of the June and July mid season and I suggest is not fulfilling a purpose.
I still think that the best way to deal with it is to allow city or regional teams to compete in 20/20 cricket quite separate from county cricket which can proceed along side. There would be about ten 20/20 sides and they could buy whoever they wanted for their stuff. The bulk of county players could then get on with developing their skills in more serious forms of the game.
Football Matters 1 Don Shearwood sent me the following:
A few Coleman balls courtesy of "The Independent"
"And so we say au revoir to Italy" David Pleat
"One-nil is never a lead" Efan Ekoku
"He hasn't had a kick, except for two headers" Robbie Savage
"I wish somebody would elbow someone, it'd give us something to talk about" Mick McCarthy on Brazil v Portugal
"He is not the flavour of a lot of people's eye" Craig Burley on Franck Ribery
Today is the big one - Holland against the Netherlands" Paddy McKenna RTE 2fm presenter (Is this one real?)
"The altitude must have dropped or something" Ronnie Whelan after Europe saw off the South American challenge
Football Matters - 2 Andrew Baker forwarded to me a rant from an irate friend, Chris Kelly, following England’s World Cup performance:
...........with a crocked holding midfielder that has had a shite season....who runs like he has cement in his boots ...a fullback that hasn't played for two years and didn't figure in any of the build up games who gets a nose bleed if he crosses the halfway line ....another fullback that turned his back on England before and inexplicably has now returned .. booked in first two games tells its own story so slow that he almost missed the flight home ........two other midfielders that don't get on with each other on the pitch and never have..one dreaming about an escape from Anfield , one dreaming about Christine Bleakley ( I will let him off that one )....a central defender that played crap all season in a team close to relegation who was quite simply torn apart at Goodison this year...crocked again – probably much to his relief considering what went on .....two goalies that no ones ever heard of and the other pushing forty and is prone to disastrous errors [remember calamity James] ...Robert Green’s dropped bollock and James conceding a goal direct from a goal kick ....two adulterers, maybe more for all we know...John Terry, surely the most disruptive, self serving, obnoxious individual ever to wear an England shirt ....one dad convicted drug dealer, maybe more for all we know........apart from that everything’s ok......
Football Matters 3
Kelvin West is a dedicated man. I previously reported that he has been entertaining Andrew Baker’s ladies Team in Greece during the off season. It seems that nothing is too much for him and he has even been checking up on the players between the pre season friendlies. He snapped this photo ensuring that appropriate beverages were served to the strikers.
Googlies and Chinamen
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Tel & fax: 01298 70237
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An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 92
August 2010
Mid season Quiz
- Exhibiting a burst of masochism you decide to go to Lord’s to watch a routine Middlesex sacrificial act and you decide to witness proceedings from the Compton Stand. When you take your seat you find yourself next to a naked man who you realise must be the Great Jack Morgan. How do you address him?
- Your Greatness.
- Mr Morgan, I presume.
- Drop him.
- Send him away for special strength building.
- Stop him from playing for anybody else.
- All of the above.
- At your local club the entire first team squad complain of playing too much cricket. How do you react?
- Laugh
- Award them central contracts.
- Suggest they give you a ring when they fancy a game.
- You bump into Gus Fraser who asks you why you think that Middlesex have relocated to Radlett. You reply:
- They are preparing their way to playing in the Minor Counties Championship.
- It is impossible to get to and so they embarrass themselves in front of fewer spectators.
- Greene King is available on draught.
- You are asked by the ECB to visit Old Trafford and see whether the ground improvements make it suitable for test cricket again. When you arrive you are horrified at the red monstrosity and ask to speak to the architect responsible. You ask him what it is for. He replies:
- They built it back to front.
- They didn’t tell him that it was to be located at a cricket ground.
- It works best when the umpires take the players off for bad light.
- You bump into Freddie Flintoff who is all excited about Shaun Tait’s two over spells. You decide to let him down gently and so reply:
- You explain that these spells are all in one innings and not between injuries.
- You ask him what his status is as a Kolpak player now he resides in Dubai.
- You give him Arthur Smartahs’ address.
The Professor directs his latest at me
The Canadian province of Ontario may seem an unlikely venue for the solution of one of modern cricket's many mysteries but, mindful of my responsibilities to Googlies readers, I have James, even on vacation, been investigating a puzzle which I know has worried you for some time. I speak, of course, of the presentation in most televised cricket matches of the various speeds at which the ball is bowled. No sooner has the thing left the bowler’s hand than there it is on the screen - 87.4mph or 73.9mph or whatever.
I know that you, James, have long held the "theory" (if that doesn’t do violence to a noble concept) that this is a spurious piece of technical presentation - or to slip into your favoured vernacular: "A load of bollocks". Indeed I know that you have long held the view that this information is normally provided by a little old man sitting in the pavilion who looks at each ball, makes up a number and presses the relevant buttons. How else to explain the recording of Collingwood bowling a ball faster than Broad or Bresnan than Anderson?
Well, and purely in the interests of our readers, I can now reveal the truth.
My nephew works for the Ontario police department and last week I went out with him for the day in his squad car. And a jolly time we had of it too, whizzing up and down the highway, blue lights flashing, in pursuit of people who had an out of date tax disc or might have dropped some litter (there is very little crime in Ontario). After a couple of hours of this, and the obligatory stops for coffee and doughnuts, we decided to set up a speed trap. For this you need a place of concealment (my nephew knows many) and a “speed gun”. The gun looks like a very large torch and all you do is stick it out of the window, point it at some poor sod driving fast and press the trigger. This then gives a reading of mph. You then get the fun of chasing the car (which has by this time anyway slowed down) and giving the driver a “ticket”. The gun is accurate to 3 kilometres, which means, among other things, that when you eventually see the police car and slow down, it is about a mile too late.
However, this handy little gadget can also be configured to emit a “cone of radiation” (sic) which can give the speed of anything that crosses its path and, importantly, can distinguish between objects (rather important, since one wouldn’t wish to confuse an articulated lorry with a passing pigeon). Since this device is so simple that even I can operate it I think it throws sever doubt on your little old man theory…indeed your load of old bollocks is…bollocks.
You will be relieved to know James, being a man of liberal views in everything (except economics), that no one that I “clocked” was fined - although a couple were given a severe talking to by “partner” (as I learned to call the man I had know since he was born) on the need to drive “responsibly”, as we indeed did on our way home… at about 150mph.
WGCCC Matters
I was delighted to receive an invitation from David Beynon to the Lifers’ Lunch in the WGCCC Cricket week. David has succeeded the Professor as President of the club and it was his first Lifers Lunch. This used to comprise the ten life members of the club but has now been extended to eleven members to facilitate the inclusion of Martin James. David welcomed the assembled company by putting them in batting order. This reunited the Professor with Martin James and prompted the former to recall the last time they had actually opened together. The Professor explained that he had brought up their hundred partnership with a leg glance for two, which took him into double figures.
Martin still plays for the first eleven and found himself on thin ice in this company as he attempted to defend his side’s aggressive sledging activities. Phil Joiner, in particular, was strongly opposed and he gave no leeway to the lamentable occasions when the sledging had been directed at the umpires. It was good to hear the senior members of the club actively trying to impose traditional values.
Many players take up golf in the latter part of their careers and continue when their playing days are over. Keith Piggott was asked how often he went to the course these days. He replied that he went to the golf club at least three days a week but often did not make it past the bar where he considered himself a scratch performer.
The Professor is one of the few who is an expert on the laws of the game and he received unanimous support for his opposition to the ridiculous new backing up law. However, he couldn’t generate any support for his views that leg byes should be abolished. The general feeling was that it would encourage bowlers to aim for the pads as a negative tactic. He also whimsically suggested that LBWs should be allowed when the ball hits the pad outside the off stump. Phil Joiner pointed out that most innings would quickly be wrapped up if this were to be implemented.
Paddy Carlin and I discussed the influence of baseball on the techniques employed in flat bat hitting particularly in Twenty/20 matches. We also noted that baseball has had a big impact on modern fielding practices. We wondered how long it would be before the double play was introduced whereby both batsmen could be run out by a deft flick of the ball to the far end to catch the second batter out of his ground after the first has already been run out.
But what of the cricket? The previous day a member of the opposition side had scored 140 not out. It turned out that he was a registered player with Western Australia. The same ringer turned out for the Malcontents on the day I was there and he scored 158 out of 260 for 7 declared. Such scores are of no consequence to modern club sides and when I left WGCCC had progressed to 70 for 0 from five overs and three balls had already been lost.
Middlesex matters
The Great Jack Morgan has been watching any proper cricket available
I went to Ealing for the second XI 3-dayer versus Lancashire and saw the home team declare late on day one at 324 for 9. Skipper Dan Housego (59) shared a stand of 104 with Tom Scollay (91), a 22 year old from Alice Springs, who scores thousands of runs for Eastcote and has a British passport and the latter found another useful partner in John Simpson (53), but the situation deteriorated rapidly from 192 for 2 as no one else made more than Kabir Toor's 29*. It was clear that those who got starts should have gone on to bigger scores, but unknown leg-spinner "Aggers" Agathelegou quickly turned the match in Lancashire's favour with a spell of 4 for 25 in 9 overs. Lancashire looked in a little trouble at 56 for 2, but a long slow stand of 200 between Adrian Shankar (122), who played for Middlesex 2s, Cambridge UCCE, MCCYCs, Sussex 2s, Bedfordshire and Kent 2s before becoming a professional with Lancashire and skipper and keeper Luke Sutton (100) put the visitors in complete control. After this sound base, Lancashire picked up the scoring rate mainly through 19 year old Luke Perry who hit powerfully for 85* and received good support from Jordan Clark (32) and WI Test player Daren Powell (27) and Lancashire declared on 468 for 8 after less than an hour on day 3. Ex-MCCYCs man Kyle Hodnett was the best of the home bowlers with 3 for 93.
Again Middlesex were struggling at 26 for 2, but quality batting from Scollay (59), promising 17 year old Adam Rossington (53) and Jackson Thompson (32) playing more responsibly than usual, appeared to have averted the danger of defeat. However, another collapse occurred, this time inspired by paceman Powell's 4 for 44, as they descended to 222 for 8 with time for Lancashire to knock off the runs. Fortunately, John Simpson (69*) stood firm and his batting in this match has contrasted sharply with his very ordinary keeping. However, perhaps his keeping will benefit from the specialist coaching he received (along with young keepers Stuart Poynter and Rossington) on day 3 from Jack Russell, who disappointingly, failed to don the famous battered sunhat for the coaching sessions! Surprisingly, however, Simpson received extremely sound support from tail-ender Danny Evans (16*), who some regard as a crude slogger, but who batted with admirable restraint and technique to ensure that Middlesex banished the prospect of defeat as they closed on 253 for 8. There is no parking at Ealing these days, so I travelled by bus and by day 3, I had cut half an hour off the time it had taken me to get to the ground on day 1, so quite flukishly, I was already in my seat when the umpires and players made a surprise entrance at 10.30 am to start proceedings half an hour early on day 3: can you imagine turning up at the theatre to find that, on a whim, the cast had decided to start at 7.30 pm instead of 8pm... I nearly demanded my money back!
I finally made my debut at Radlett for the second XI Championship match v Gloucestershire: it was the seventeenth home ground on which I have seen Middlesex play. It is a pleasantly rural ground (if you are able to ignore the roar of trains dashing back and forth to Luton on the north-eastern side of the ground; it has an impressive pavilion; the scoreboard is definitely above average and it has ample seating for 17 spectators! Car drivers take their own seating of course, but my journey on my first day at Radlett involved a bus, three trains, a 15 minute walk from the station and took 2 hours and 47 minutes... this is not the sort of journey on which one wants to carry a chair! They could at least throw a few plastic chairs or deckchairs around the place. Gloucestershire won the toss and made a poor start with experienced men Will Porterfield and Steve Snell both back in the pavilion with only 14 on the board. This partly explained the fairly cautious approach adopted by Ian Cockbain (son of Iain Cockbain of Lancashire and Cheshire) with 39, Mike O'Shea (ex-Glamorgan and rumoured to have been joining Middlesex a couple of years ago) with 51, Rob Woodman (ex-Somerset) also 51, Louis Gegg (68) and Richard Coughtrie (59*) as they rebuilt the innings to see Gloucestershire all out early on day 2 for 344. Tom Hampton was the best of the bowlers with 3 for 56.
It was interesting to see that Gloucestershire 2s followed the example of their first team by fielding three keepers in this match: Coughtrie kept wicket until an eye injury forced him to give way to Gegg, who is a capable keeper and, of course, Snell is also a keeper (who has kept for the first team and for Middlesex 2s). Middlesex took a more enterprising attitude in reply and Adam London (83), Kabir Toor (63) and Jackson Thompson (64) all impressed, but the star of the innings was Tom Scollay with a magnificent 179 and he has been rewarded with a two year contract. On the last morning, Robbie Williams (32) and Danny Evans (24*) enjoyed a bit of a thrash before the declaration came at 563 for 9, a lead of 219. It was easy to see why Gloucestershire do not bother with a spinner in their first team as skipper Vikram Banerjee (slow left arm) and Jack Taylor (off-spin) made little impression and took one wicket for 211 between them, while trialist O'Shea took the bowling honours with 5 for 135 in 29 overs with his part-time off-spin. When the visitors batted again, Porterfield played very well for his 92 and although Middlesex saw a glimmer of hope at 141 for 4, Woodman (60) and Gegg (54) ensured the draw. Ravi Patel thoroughly deserved his 6 wickets (for 118 in 27 overs) in the Gloucestershire second innings, but though Middlesex employed nine bowlers in the match none of them could help out Ravi with a second innings wicket. It was only 1st of July, but already it seems that my second XI season is over because the only remaining 2s home fixtures coincide precisely with home first XI fixtures: what sort of cretin could possibly approve such a clash? Though watching the first XI at present is so painful that I might prefer the 2s if only they played somewhere more convenient than Radlett.
I went to Lord's to see the absolutely disgraceful one-day performance against the Bangladeshis. The attendance would have been ordinary if it had not been for several thousand Bangladeshi schoolchildren making a horrific racket in the Compton stand. Middlesex put out a terribly weak team that contained only four regular first teamers (3 batsmen plus keeper Simpson) and the Bangles made hay against the second team attack. The most successful batsmen were Jahurul Islam (88) and Imrul Kayes (77) who shared a thoroughly entertaining stand of 143 for the third wicket. The Bangles scored at roughly 6 an over throughout and ended (unsurprisingly) on 301 for 7 after their 50 overs; Danny Evans took 3 for 51. The Middlesex batting looked stronger than the bowling, but the batters probably did worse than the bowlers. Owais Shah was the only batsman who looked capable of matching the visitors' scoring rate and his stand of 87 with Dawid Malan was the only period when Middlesex might have held faint hopes of winning; but when Owais was out for 61, the innings fell apart rapidly and the Bangladeshis deservedly won by 141 runs, opening bowler Shafiul Islam taking 3 for 31. Middlesex's team selection and performance were an insult to both the visitors and the spectators.
Carlin Matters
Paddy Carlin checks out the Oval
In lovely sunny weather I went to the Oval for what looked as if it could be a mismatch. Surrey were reinforced with the availability of their giant pacemen, Nel and Tremlett; Ramps was also there, Gareth Batty was back to strengthen bowling and batting, Davies was to feature as wicketkeeper/batsman and there was a new youthful captain in Hamilton-Brown. Also the opposition were much weaker than last year. No van der Wath, no Boje and, dare I say it, no Panesar. What could possibly go wrong for Surrey? It didn’t.
Apart from four good overs from Lucas which saw Davies caught in the gully and causing Lancefield to continually play and miss, the Northants bowling was poor.It was predictable that Ramprakash would fill his boots as he pottered along deflecting short balls for singles either side of the wicket and push driving straight when the ball was pitched up. The end result was an innings over a day and a half of 248 with maybe one play and miss and no chances at all. Hamilton-Brown crashed a run a ball century to entertain the sparse crowd and later Spriegel got his ton too playing some lovely drives among the air shots. It was cruel to watch and very predictable.
In the comfort of the Montpellier Club with only the omni-present Surrey member Barry, Tony Murphy, Keith Medlycott and Roger Hamilton Brown (Rory’s dad) for company an agreeable time was had by all. There is much optimism at Surrey despite the disappointment at losing the services of Chawla who the Surrey luminaries present thought would win the league for them. In the unlikely event that Nel and Tremlett stay fit, Dernbach and Meaker make progress, Tom Maynard is signed for next season along with Murali then the sky is the limit. Will this happen? Watch this space.
There was speculation as Ramprakash went on his merry way that as batsmen have a bowling machine to help them in the nets that someone should use advanced technology to invent a robot Ramprakash batting machine. This device would take no chances, would score singles to off and leg from short balls, occasionally launch a vicious pull or cut and would tidily push drive the overpitched ball into the V. Bowlers would soon learn to bowl perfectly as Northants were incapable of doing.
An anecdote from Roger Hamilton-Brown concerning his last appearance for Warwickshire. The game took place against Worcestershire at Dudley. The ground was known as requiring the longest walk from the pavilion to the middle. Roger was at number three and had watched Amiss and Jameson add 200 at a run a ball. When the wicket fell Roger walked to the middle to receive his first ball from Jolly Jack Flavell. The result was an edge to slip and a golden duck. Roger took the long walk back to the pavilion. As he reached the boundary the umpires recalled him as they were not convinced that the ball had carried. The next ball bowled him and he began his walk again. As he got to the boundary a shout from the crowd came “ Come on, for fuck’s sake, let’s give the lad another go”.
Did I not make myself clear Matters
The Professor has more to say on TV
My piece in Googlies 90 seems to have rattled the cages of a couple of old friends (David Beynon and The Great Jack Morgan) and so I thought, in the hope of starting an informed debate, to set out the issues I raised in a little more detail. Googlies readers of long standing may recall earlier discussions about the selling of TV rights to Sky. The First Class counties (in effect the ECB) get around £2 million each p.a. from the deal. No doubt they think they need the money but the principal questions are: what do they do with it and what is the long-term impact on cricket in this country?
Many counties are improving their grounds and spending money on cricket development which is splendid but in my view the funds spent on players non-qualified (NQ) for England, often on very short contracts, is not in the long-term interests of the game. (The issue, let us be clear, is not where a person was born, but whether they can play for the Country – my view is that two things are essential to stimulate enthusiasm for cricket: that the national side is successful and that it is seen to be successful). My example, which upset the Great Man, was Somerset. I have seen them twice this year and asked, rhetorically, whether a young quick bowler might have his ambition dulled by the sight of three 30-something NQs (Wright, Willoughby and Thomas) in the first team. Now anyone who has done any teaching knows the danger of using examples and analogies…the example is pursued and the point of the argument missed. The Great Man’s response is that he has seen Somerset Twos this year and no one is good enough to make the Firsts. Moreover, if they did play, “Somerset’s First Class status would be called into question”. Assuming, as I think we must, that Jack’s assessment is correct, does this not therefore beg the question? How is it that a County which has held First Class status since 1891 now finds itself in such a position? It would, apparently, lose that status if it did not play four or five NQ players. But I used Somerset as an example. There are many others. Indeed, at our last Old Danes gathering we talked about a county match where there were eleven South Africans taking part. Can anyone, except the Great Man, think this is the way forward for English cricket?
David’s criticism is more serious. His argument is that the Sky money is well spent at Minor County level …and I feel sure it is. However the sums that go to cricket at this level are very small – the ECB gets an excellent return on their handout since there are many people like David all around the country who do hundreds and hundreds of hours of unpaid work in support of cricket. However this rather misses the point.
Cricket is in long term decline in this country both in participation and spectating. Some 40% less recreational cricket is played now than 25 years ago. Large numbers of village teams have folded, as have many town clubs. Of the 3,500 secondary schools in the state sector a tiny number now regularly field cricket teams. Recreational cricket is now largely the preserve of clubs and the commercial school sector - which educates only 7% of young people. Spectator numbers are in similar long term decline; while Test matches continue to attract good crowds (at least in this country) and Twenty/20 (much derided in this journal) has been a great success, county attendances are tiny compared to twenty, thirty or forty years’ ago. Indeed, taking the 800 or so readers of this journal (a more skewed sample than which it is difficult to imagine) how many, in addition to the Great Jack Morgan and myself have been to (say) more than five first class county matches this year, or last?...20?... 40? How can such a business survive? “Where” to quote myself, “will future enthusiasts for the game come from when this generation is gone”?
It’s easy to misread all this. If you immerse yourself in county cricket, only have contact with fee-charging schools and read (say) the Daily Telegraph, it is easy to think that cricket is more popular than it is. But go out on the street, ask people if they follow cricket, ask them if they know (or care) who the County Champions are, ask them who the World Twenty/20 Champions are (compare and contrast the answers you would get had England been football world champions). This summer, mindful of my responsibilities to this journal, I did three minutes research. I stood in a newsagent, picked up the three most popular tabloids (I didn’t buy them…I still have a reputation to uphold) and counted in from the back page to find the first mention of cricket. The results were 8, 9, and 13 pages for the Mirror, Sun and Star respectively. And these are popular papers – that is they are read by the populace. And who were England playing the next day? Oh…Australia.
Cricket’s popularity is declining in this country. I wish it wasn’t so, but it is so. To deny it is just wishful thinking.
And what is the ECB’s answer to this state of affairs? To reverse, or even halt, this trend? It is to sell the viewing rights for international cricket to a minority provider. David says that “…it is regrettable that Test cricket is not available to the many on terrestrial TV…” It is not. It is not “regrettable” - it is a woeful, short-sighted bit of commercialism. It exacerbates a trend towards cricket as a minority (and eventually elitist) sport. We live in a tele-visual age. How will young boys get turned on to cricket if they don’t play it at school and don’t see it on the TV? Compare the reaction in the country to the Ashes wins in 2005 and 2009 – I know the wait had been longer in the first case but it is truly myopic not to see the impact that restricted viewing had. In the event that young players do come through the club system (and I note that both David and Jack “claim” Finn as their own) they then have the hurdle of county teams packed with (Sky-financed) NQs.
Let’s just go through this again. The ECB sells the TV rights to Sky thus ensuring that comparatively few young people in this country can watch the national side. It then gives that money to the First Class counties (in effect itself) to pay the salaries of non-English qualified cricketers – presumably because there are not enough good English ones. Why? Because the popularity of cricket in England is declining. Why?...and so on, and so on. Now - simple question - is there a single Googlies reader who thinks that this is a desirable, sustainable or even sensible state of affairs?
Yorkshire matters
Robin Sharp sent me the following:
“Your last publication reminded me that I must send you a copy of the autographs that I have just recently found again. Yorkshire at its best; I got them at Harrogate possibly in the late sixties. I was trying to get the autographs as the players came back into the pavilion with no luck at all. Someone who was watching me obviously took pity and asked me if I wanted the team autographs, to which I answered “yes please”. He took the book from me and returned it sometime later all duly signed – still have no idea to this day who the guy was. I was in the members’ enclosure; he obviously had access to the players pavilion.”
This will bring exquisite happiness to Eric Stephens, if no one else, who, no doubt, will email me with a listing of the authors of the autographs.
Reunion Matters
Charlie Womersley is a former Chairman of the Lord’s Taverners and he has recently set up a web site for sporting reunions. It is a social networking site with three separate account types:
Account Type 1 - Personal Account
Get in touch and keep in touch with teammates old and new, join and create online clubs, send private messages, write public messages, add videos and upload an unlimited number of photos.
Account Type 2 - Sports Club or Sporting Organisations Account
As well as the ability for you (and your members) to add photos and videos to your club page you have three features: Live Notice Board, Show Your Facilities, Discussion Board. Sporting Reunions will also give you a free link to your own website and a link to your email.
Account Type 3 - Sports Charity Account
As well as the ability for you (and your members) to add photos and videos to your charity page you have three further features: Latest News, Add New Events and Discussion Board
At Sporting Reunions all accounts are free. If you would like to take a look go to: www.sportingreunions.com
Club Matters Robin Ager sent me this:
“You recently referred in Googlies to the high scores being recorded in club cricket these days. Well, what about this? On Saturday 10 July, Finchley scored 362 for 3 at Twickenham, to which the home team replied with 365 for 8. According to the report in the local paper, this set a Middlesex Premier Division run chase record: I'm not surprised! The game also broke the record for aggregate runs. The Twickenham coach (Martyn Fryer - who he?) was quoted as saying that "we felt they mistimed their declaration a little". Talk about adding insult to injury.
Twickenham were promoted to the Premier Division last year for the first time and, after a slowish start, have done very well, having beaten the perennial champions Ealing the week before the Finchley game. It is only a few years ago that Twickenham were on a par with Turnham Green, now languishing in Division Two of the Middlesex Championship. On the face of it, they were clubs of similar standing and resources, and it might be interesting to explore how Twickenham were able to reinvent themselves as a force in the county.”
Twenty20 Cricket
Does anyone think that the 2010 season of 161 games makes sense? How many decent games have there been? Are the games well supported? Have any new players come through? What campaign needs to be started to reduce these one dimensional matches in favour of more county or one day cricket? I think that it is outrageous that the counties charge their members entrance fees for these games on top of their subs. It is as if they are recognising that it is not part of the proper season’s activities and must be paid for additionally. It does now dominate the best part of the June and July mid season and I suggest is not fulfilling a purpose.
I still think that the best way to deal with it is to allow city or regional teams to compete in 20/20 cricket quite separate from county cricket which can proceed along side. There would be about ten 20/20 sides and they could buy whoever they wanted for their stuff. The bulk of county players could then get on with developing their skills in more serious forms of the game.
Football Matters 1 Don Shearwood sent me the following:
A few Coleman balls courtesy of "The Independent"
"And so we say au revoir to Italy" David Pleat
"One-nil is never a lead" Efan Ekoku
"He hasn't had a kick, except for two headers" Robbie Savage
"I wish somebody would elbow someone, it'd give us something to talk about" Mick McCarthy on Brazil v Portugal
"He is not the flavour of a lot of people's eye" Craig Burley on Franck Ribery
Today is the big one - Holland against the Netherlands" Paddy McKenna RTE 2fm presenter (Is this one real?)
"The altitude must have dropped or something" Ronnie Whelan after Europe saw off the South American challenge
Football Matters - 2 Andrew Baker forwarded to me a rant from an irate friend, Chris Kelly, following England’s World Cup performance:
...........with a crocked holding midfielder that has had a shite season....who runs like he has cement in his boots ...a fullback that hasn't played for two years and didn't figure in any of the build up games who gets a nose bleed if he crosses the halfway line ....another fullback that turned his back on England before and inexplicably has now returned .. booked in first two games tells its own story so slow that he almost missed the flight home ........two other midfielders that don't get on with each other on the pitch and never have..one dreaming about an escape from Anfield , one dreaming about Christine Bleakley ( I will let him off that one )....a central defender that played crap all season in a team close to relegation who was quite simply torn apart at Goodison this year...crocked again – probably much to his relief considering what went on .....two goalies that no ones ever heard of and the other pushing forty and is prone to disastrous errors [remember calamity James] ...Robert Green’s dropped bollock and James conceding a goal direct from a goal kick ....two adulterers, maybe more for all we know...John Terry, surely the most disruptive, self serving, obnoxious individual ever to wear an England shirt ....one dad convicted drug dealer, maybe more for all we know........apart from that everything’s ok......
Football Matters 3
Kelvin West is a dedicated man. I previously reported that he has been entertaining Andrew Baker’s ladies Team in Greece during the off season. It seems that nothing is too much for him and he has even been checking up on the players between the pre season friendlies. He snapped this photo ensuring that appropriate beverages were served to the strikers.
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