GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 17
May 2004
Pretzel Logic
The much-vaunted new England four man pace attack was brought rudely down to earth in Antigua. Hoggard left the field injured at an early juncture, Freddie amused himself bowling as many funny balls per over as he could dream up, whilst Jones the Quick had to bowl to Sarwan with only one slip and no third man. Consequently he had to bowl at the stumps and was creamed through midwicket. When he tried to bowl a proper line he was edged through second slip for four. The ultimate ignominy was that instead of stepping up to do the job this new quartet handed the ball over to Trescothick who bowled umpteen overs of rinse. Only the Durham Sprayer came through the ordeal with any dignity or credit maintaining, to the delight of this observer, both line and length.
*
So which is the only team to qualify for the ludicrously named Champions Trophy in England in September by winning something? Answer – the USA, of course, who won the ICC six nations Challenge in Dubai, beating off the challenge of Scotland, Holland, Namibia, UAE, and Canada. The Wisden Cricketer claims that its Cricinfo website has 15 million users of which no less than 20% are resident in the USA. This makes this group by far the largest by nationality. The bulk of the victorious USA team are of Caribbean or Indian extraction and it is likely that the USA will become a force in world cricket fairly soon. Their soccer team is now a familiar participant in the World Cup Finals and, of course, they regularly beat England.
*
International batsmen around the world will be relieved following the “retirement” of Venkat from the ICC’s elite umpires panel. They will now be spared his erratic, bowler friendly decisions. It is disappointing that Simon Taufel is among those to be dropped from the panel, the others being Asoka da Silva and David Orchard. New to the panel are Neil Mallendar and Aleem Dar.
*
At the last minute before I went to press with Googlies 16 I received The Professor’s Wisden Five list, which turned out to be the same as Nigel Hathaway’s. These two seem to be in closer contact with reality than the editorial team at Wisden, who added Ian Harvey, Chris Adams and Gary Kirsten to the common selections of Graeme Smith and Freddie. It does seem quite absurd that Harvey and Kirsten come ahead of Ponting and Kallis. Harvey is just a bit player in one-day cricket at best and Adams is included, as Nigel commented, as a representative of county cricket.
*
Mick Jagger made an appearance at Trinidad and the Barmy Army ignored the cricket and all sang “Satisfaction” when they realized he was in their midst. It would never have happened at Lords in 1963.
The Surrey Appreciation Society
It seems that I was just about the only one not to be at Lords to see Surrey do well to make a match of it against Middlesex in April 2004.
The Great Jack Morgan sent me this disappointingly balanced report on the proceedings:
Of the two rookie skippers, it was Owais Shah who was lucky with the toss at Lord’s on 21 April and he asked Surrey to bat in apparently helpful bowling conditions. The impressive Scott Newman, however, launched such a ferocious assault on the Middlesex pace bowlers that he reached 86 off 78 balls in a partnership of 119 in 93 minutes with captain/ keeper/ opening bat Jon Batty and gave Surrey the advantage on a truncated first day.
Surrey continued the excellent rate of scoring on day two with fluent stroke play from Adam Hollioake (106 off 129 balls) and Ian Salisbury (77 off 95 balls) who shared a stand of 125. Surrey’s total of 418 looked a very good one in the conditions, but when Ben Hutton (78) and Shah (93) matched the Surrey scoring rate and put on 171 in 156 minutes for the Middlesex second wicket, the likeliest outcome appeared to be a draw.
On the third morning, however, a still greenish track provided Azhar Mahmood (4-96) with prodigious movement from the Nursery End and although Ed Joyce batted attractively for 45, Middlesex subsided to a disappointing 325 all out. My lunchtime was brightened by the shocking appearance of the Professor in his MCC uniform, including the famous red and yellow tie: I always had the impression that the Prof was something of an anti-establishment rebel, but now, sadly, I have to report that not only does he play golf, that most elitist, racist and sexist of pastimes, but that he is also an associate member of the snob-ridden and rule-bound MCC! But then I remembered his authoritarian regime at school in 1964/65 and it all seemed to fit. A few years ago, of course, John would not have passed the MCC hair inspection!
Surrey quickly surrendered their strong position when some reckless batting saw their second innings slide to 71-5 before an entertaining stand of 113 in 81 minutes between Mark “Judas” Ramprakash (68) and Azhar (70 off 77 balls) appeared to put Surrey back in charge. These runs came off the second string “attack” of Simon Cook and Paul Weekes and it was a mystery why debutant Paul Hutchison (6-1-11-1) was not restored to the attack. Hutchison, however, will be content with his match haul of 4 for 83. When opening bowlers Chad Keegan and Nantie Hayward were recalled, however, they quickly wrapped up the Surrey innings for 203, leaving Middlesex to score 297 to win. Keegan and Hayward conceded more runs in this match than they would have wanted to, but Middlesex were very happy with their match figures of 8 for 185 (Keegan) and 6 for 141 (Hayward).
The wicket appeared to have flattened out under the surprisingly hot April sunshine and when there were no alarms in the first hour of the last day, it became obvious that Middlesex would win comfortably. A dull, but untroubled partnership of 114 in 154 minutes between Sven Koenig (62) and Hutton (88) ensured that the home team made no slip ups and a more attractive innings of 65 off 89 balls from captain Shah and a beautiful cameo of 47 off 42 balls from Joyce provided enjoyment for the home supporters before Middlesex eventually cruised to victory by six wickets. Joyce would have been disappointed to get out twice in the forties, but he seemed to be back to his glorious best in this match after a slightly disappointing 2003. Skipper Batty appeared at a loss to know how to change the course of events and numerous lengthy conferences with deposed leader Hollioake and other experienced players provided no inspiration. Saqlain Mushtaq did well to pick up 7-178 in the match from a wicket (as is usual these days) that offered little assistance to the spinners, but Surrey’s best bowler on the last day was probably “Fatboy Jim” Ormond, who deserved better than his figures of 17-3-39-0. My companion for the day, Surrey supporter Jim Revier, had a particularly miserable time as, in addition to watching Surrey get thrashed, he also had to listen on the radio to Rangers losing 2-0 at Plymouth. I hope he didn’t back any horses that day!
Man of the Match: Ben Hutton, 78, 88, three fine catches and an absolutely brilliant run out to get rid of the dangerous Hollioake, which was one of the turning points of the match.
Surrey 418 (Hollioake 106, Newman 86, Salisbury 77, Keegan 5-138); Middx 325 (Shah 93, Hutton 78, Azhar 4-96); Surrey 203 (Azhar 70, Ramprakash 68, Hayward 4-41); Middx 300-4 (Hutton 88, Shah 65, Koenig 62, Saqlain 4-107). Middx (20 points) won by 6 wickets, Surrey 8 points.
And I received this from the Professor
Last Thursday I had a meeting in London that, happily, was cancelled at the last minute. It was a lovely spring day, Middlesex were playing Surrey and so I took myself off to Lords. I haven't been to too many test match grounds around the world but there can be few better than Headquarters on a beautiful April day - the sky was blue, the grass was green, the lager was cold and I was one very happy chappy.
I settled myself into my customary spot on the middle balcony of the
pavilion where, if you can fight your way through the Daily Torygraphs, you can get more or less behind the bowler's arm. My vantage point gave me a perfect view of the ground and also of the modest crowd at the Nursery End. My eyesight is not what it was, but just above the sightscreen at that end there seemed to be a large expanse of brownish human flesh squeezed into a seat together with various accompanying bags and hold-alls. I suppose I must have had some inkling as to it's identity since at lunch time I wandered down to the plebeian end and there the vision revealed itself to be a naked (save, mercifully, for a par of swimming trunks) Great Jack Morgan. Indeed his lack of dress revealed fully just how great he had become. Happily I did not have the Lovely Jane Richards with me at the time or I fear that her much discussed lusting for the Great Jack Morgan's body might have taken a nasty knock. I was dressed suitably for watching cricket at Lords; that is, I had clothes on and thus prompted instant ridicule and abuse from "D-Cup" as I now like to think of him. The lack of clothes was made up for, however, by the mass of possessions that surrounded the great man. There were papers, reference books, bags of sandwiches and cakes, a thermos, various items of clothing (which I imagine were necessary for an un-molested journey home), and I think I even saw a clipboard. All very alarming stuff and I trust your readers have already had their tea.
We had a very convivial chat in which Jack took the piss out of my tie and I floundered to say anything unkind about his dress since he didn't have any. I then made my way back to the clothed end and watched the rest of the game - which was very entertaining and was followed by a pleasant meal in St John's Wood, with a bottle of wine that even your brother might have approved of.
Antipodeans at South Hampstead – Part One
When I first played at South Hampstead in 1963 there were no Australians or New Zealanders in the side and it would be a few seasons before the first appeared. However, when Qantas got their flights cheap enough there was a steady flow that soon became a flood. Some members thought that there should be a restriction on the number allowed each season since they curtailed the opportunities for first team cricket for longer serving club members. Others took the view that if the visitors qualified for membership and paid their subscription they had a right to compete for places.
George Cole was the first of this new breed of Australian to play at South Hampstead. He was the original Cheeky Chirpy Chappy who came over in 1968 for a cricket holiday and to see some of Europe. He arrived as a whippy left arm bowler but it was his dashing left-handed batting that really made an impact. He started out in the middle order and got plenty of bowling but by June he was batting in the top four and was rarely getting a bowl.
He had a purple patch in June that included an innings of 106 against Paddington and an opening partnership of 150 with Terry Cordaroy against the Hertfordshire Hedgehogs. His form declined thereafter and he only made one further fifty, which he scored in the Ron Hooker Benefit Match. He was fortunate in that his only season at the club enabled him the unique opportunity of playing at Lords in the Wills final. Sadly he was so nervous that he failed to trouble the scorers. It was his final appearance for the club.
He was an extremely popular member of the club and was a regular in the bar. All the wives and girlfriends found him a novelty and when he produced his fiancé and announced that he was getting married in August Bob and Diana Peach hosted a reception at their flat in Brondesbury Park after the formal proceedings at that most romantic of venues, the Willesden Registry Office.His forHH
Reflections on the Quadruple Century I saw the Lara innings up till the second evening just after he had hit a bemused Peg Leg for six in the final over of the day to take him to 309. Whilst it was exciting and praiseworthy of him to go on to 400, he probably didn't need that many runs on the board and didn't quite leave himself enough time to bowl England out twice. This is what will make it increasingly difficult for the record to be beaten - the context of the match that will allow it to happen. The good news is that it will only be achieved by someone who scores reasonably fast. When Boycott got 240 against India he batted, I believe, for seven sessions. At this rate he would need to bat for thirteen of the fifteen available sessions to beat the record - and there would be no one left in the ground to see it.
There have been three triple centuries scored this winter. Hayden’s record, Lara’s reclamation and in between a mere 309 by Sehwag. The most likely candidate to get there next is Dravid who has now made five test match double centuries with each one being bigger then the previous one.
Batty’s Bollock Ball
Good news for English cricket. Their number one off spinner Gareth Batty has developed a special delivery. Is it the famous Doosra? No, of course not, he hasn’t mastered the drifter yet. But he has discovered the Bollock Ball. In Antigua he bowled one of his gentle and predictable off spinners to Sarwan who advanced down the pitch to him, changed his mind about the shot he was going to make and took a gentle tap on the box. He then scurried back to his crease before collapsing as if pole axed by Wayne Daniel when not wearing a box.
After much writhing around on the ground Sarwan was helped to his feet only to collapse again holding his knackers. It started to seem as if he would have to retire hurt but he eventually composed himself and took guard. Good old Gareth then gave him a leg stump long hop that enabled Sarwan to give the strike back to Lara.
But this is good news. Batty could develop this lethal weapon to sort out the Aussies. Poor Ricky Ponting will be shitting himself in fear of getting a wake up tap on his tojjer but they are no doubt already designing new extra strength boxes to counter this threat.
Who to look out for in 2004 Jim Revier and the Surrey cognoscenti must be wondering what all the fuss is about finding a wicket keeper for England who can bat. The Medlycott/Hollioake regime at the Oval chose Jonathan Batty as their opening bat ahead of England men Mark Butcher, Ian Ward and Alec Stewart. His wicket keeping must pass muster too in this all international set up which requires handling Saqlain Mushtaq amongst others. Now the management have handed him the captaincy as well and if he can handle this he might just be the man to take over from Peg Leg and let him get back to scoring the serious runs he was getting before he took over.
Another player to be given the captaincy of his county this year is David Sales of Northants. Sales has always stepped up, produced a staggering performance and then failed to live up to it. The role of captain may bring some consistency to his performance in 2004. Make no mistake this guy is seriously talented.
I liked the look of Alex Gidman of Gloucestershire in 2003. He seems to have plenty of time to play his shots, which are executed to perfection. He was unlucky to be ruled out of the Academy Tour to India through injury. He also bowls trundlers, but forget that – we want specialists not neithers like Anthony McGrath.
The stars of the Academy were undoubtedly Kevin Pieterson and Sajid Mahmood. The former has been slaughtering County attacks, particularly Middlesex, for three seasons already and in September will have completed his qualifying period for England. He will have his eye on Nass’ position if the latter lasts that long. Sajid Mahmood has received the plaudits of no less than Dennis Lillee who ranks him as a seriously major prospect. If the weather is good this summer Hoggard and Jones the Quick will be returning to county cricket and Sajid Mahmood may well get the call.
But don’t rule out young Andy Caddick yet. This weirdo has recovered from back surgery and is determined to play international cricket again. He is quirky enough to produce performances in the spring that will make him difficult to leave out.
Bilal Shafayat remains possibly the most exciting of the younger prospects. If things settle down at turbulent Trent Bridge he could well be the star of the summer. Usman Afzaal has left and gone to Northants where he might find the new scenery a stage for his undoubted talents if he can drag himself away from Bollywood movie sets.
And don’t forget the Kolpak factor. There will be plenty of guys with funny names and no English pedigree turning out in the county championship this season. The Great Jack Morgan is right in that it will make the County Championship tougher and better for the spectators but these guys will not be playing for England, nor will the old lags Law and Hooper who will dominate Lancashire’s top order once the shine is off the new ball.
I asked the Great Jack Morgan who to look out for in 2004 and he came up with these notes
“Players to look out for: as Strauss is already in the England set-up, he cannot really be one to look out for, but Shah’s best form would see him back at that level and Joyce (when qualified), Nash and Hutton could also make progress. The best prospect amongst the Middlesex chaps, however, if he maintains last year’s improvement, must be Keegan. I have still not given up on Dalrymple; Compton is a possibility in the medium term and Morgan (another young Irishman) is the best long-term bet. Still on the Middlesex theme, Aron (not Aaron) Laraman could still go all the way, if he can hold his fragile body together. I have not seen Sajid Mahmood, but he must be a candidate. Essex have some good young players: I have already mentioned Alastair Cook, who is a fantastic prospect, while others to note are Bopara and Pettini. Surrey also have some good ‘uns and Benning might be the best of them. I also like the look (on limited evidence) of John Francis at Hants, who I have just heard has joined his brother at Somerset. Most of these are pretty green at present, so they might take a while to come through.
Spinners are hard to find. A couple of the best ones are the Northants pair of Brown and Swann, both of whom have been in full England touring squads (Swann even played a one-dayer at Bloemfontein, when I was present to witness a thumping victory by 9 wickets, if I remember correctly), but apparently Fletcher has taken a dislike to both of them, so their prospects are dismal until a new coach is appointed. Neither of these are as young as I would want our prospects to be and neither are the other two I would suggest, Fisher and Keedy (both ex-Yorkshire), who still might make it, even now. Swann and Fisher have the advantage of being able to bat. I must mention the great Ian Blackwell, whom I spotted many years ago playing for Derbyshire 2s at Harrow: he is a left arm spinner who can do a job, but he is an absolutely devastating batsman when he is in the mood. He must be given a chance, not just asked to carry the sodding drinks or bowl a few mediocre overs without batting, as is his usual role.
Amongst pace bowlers, I have recommended a few over the years, two of whom are in the England team (Harmison and Hoggard), others have also been picked (Johnson, Sidebottom, Kabir Ali, Saggers, Franks), while others’ chances have been hampered by injury (Ben Phillips, Kevin Dean). Jon Batty is no youngster, but he could put pressure on Read as a keeper who can bat (but so could Nash). But really, the only players I see enough of are Middlesex players.... the others I see having a good day or a bad day.... and, since the advent of two divisions, there are some players I do not see at all.”
Match Report Whilst combing the archives of the Acton Gazette we found the following article by the Lovely Jane Richards, which for obvious reasons was never actually published.
The following match took place at Shepherds Bush CC on Sunday 5th September 1965
What excitement! There is going to be an England v The Rest of the World match at Lords next week and as the players started to arrive they were looking for games to play in to give them match practice and some of them are going to played at Shepherds Bush last weekend where I am a member of the Tennis Section. The Editor asked me to pop along and report on the match and see if I could get an interview or two with the big stars. But things got very complicated to say the least.
To start with I couldn’t decide what outfit to wear. Its one thing wearing a mini skirt and skimpy top to tease the boys at Shepherds Bush but is it really the right thing to interview Gary Sobers in? And then you never know what the weather is going to be like before the close of play. I tried on several things but eventually plumped for the miniskirt that I had tried on first.
All this indecision made me late onto the ground and when I arrived the match was already underway. I had to find someone who could tell me what had been happening and fortunately as I entered the pavilion enclosure I bumped into genial Bill Adams who said how lovely I looked and he shepherded me to the bar and asked what I would like to drink. I explained that I was actually working but he would have none of it and got the Boson to make me a Tom Collins, which Bill assured me was just the drink for a hot afternoon.
I must say that I felt better for this drink and I was just going to make some notes on events to date when Wally Cambridge, who was sitting in the corner on a barstool, asked me what was that concoction that I was drinking. When I told him, he said that that was no drink for a pretty young thing and got the barman to fix me a Mimosa. Well it was jolly nice too and since not too much seemed to be happening on the pitch I settled back to chat with Wally. Steve Thomas joined us and he insisted that I try something called a Harvey Wallbanger. Bill had returned by now and we were also joined by John Hatfield and Jack Barrett who introduced me to a Mai Tai and a Scorpion respectively. The men all stuck to Light and Bitter.
In no time there was clapping and the players came in for tea. I didn’t recognize a black man who was with them, but Bill said that this was the West Indian, Conrad Hunte, who was guesting for Shepherds Bush. I decided not to bother with tea and Dickie Briance, the Shepherds Bush captain, joined us at the bar and ordered me something called a Stinger. He was looking very debonair in his stripey blazer, which is the colours of a team apparently called the Wanderers. He said that the New Zealand captain, John Reid, who was guesting for the opposition, had just come on to bowl. I said I had to go to the ladies room and so excused myself. However, I felt a little tipsy and took the wrong turning out of the bar and found myself in front of the pavilion in dazzling sunlight. As I cleared my eyes and got used to the glare I saw Frank Foreman hit an amazing stroke for six but then I had to hurry back in to visit the ladies room.
When I woke up it was dark outside and the match must have been over for some time. Fiona Perrin, Jenny Talbot and the Pateman sisters, Carole and Lesley, said that they would see me home. As we walked past the outside of the pavilion I saw Bill and Wally still at the bar.
The Great Jack Morgan tells me that the England v Rest of the World match was scheduled to be played at Lords on Sept 11, 13 and 14. As play did not start until 3pm on day two, they had a one innings match that the Rest of the World won by nine wickets. Eric Russell made 65 for England (Sobers 5-22) and Conrad Hunte, who clearly benefited from his visit to East Acton Lane, hit 88 for the Rest of the World.
Unexpected Links
Back in G&C8, the Great Jack Morgan included his old university chum Dave Dollery in his “Best I have played with XI”. In G&C 16 I mentioned that Flipper Seal lives in a village called Dorridge that has two cricket clubs – Dorridge CC, with whom his family plays, and Knowle & Dorridge CC. It turns out that Dave Dollery captained the latter club for a number of years.
Strange Elevens
The awesome Jazz Hat side in G&C16 have all played in over one hundred tests.
The Great Jack Morgan invites you to identify the unifying factor amongst this disparate bunch:
Brian Bolus
Peter Bowler
Younis Ahmed
Michael Bevan
Aftab Habib
Vince Wells
Roy Swetman
Tom Cartwright
Richard Davis
Ed Giddins
Allan Jones.
Naff Kit
George and I have been having fun exchanging emails on Naff things to wear whilst playing cricket:
A Woolworths buckle belt
Someone else’s box
A button down shirt
A temporary tattoo
White wellies
Braces
Black sox
Anything knitted by Pat Singman
Plimsoles
Cuff links
Shorts if you are more than 11 years old
Nail varnish
An MCC sweater
If you are guilty of sporting any three of these over your playing career you should review your sartorial image. If you ever wore any two at the same time you should be ashamed of yourself.
George added that when he toured Denmark with London Schools all the Danish players wore their boxes outside their flannels. The initial interpretation centred on some kind of Viking virility statement. As time went on it became clear that they only had two or three to go around the whole team and that nobody wore one for long. In the first game London Schools scored 287 for 2 and dismissed the Danes for 12. George tells me that he neither batted nor bowled on the entire tour but did meet a nice girl called Karen.
Reunion 5th September Preparations are in hand for the reunion at South Hampstead on Sunday 5th September. The Wanderers have pulled out of the match to be played that day but Dave Perrin has stepped in and will be bringing a Shepherds Bush Select XI to play against a South Hampstead Invitation XI. I don’t know who will be performing in these sides but Bob Peach assures me that he will not be leading the South Hampstead side.
Former South Hampstead and Shepherds Bush players as well as Old Danes will be particularly welcome but anyone who played in the sixties and seventies is encouraged to attend. As acceptances are received I will publish lists of them to try to encourage others to commit to coming themselves.
A charge of £10 is being requested to cover the cost of the buffet lunch. Please book your places through either Bob Peach (36 Chelmsford Square, London N.W.10., 0208 459 7692) or myself (details at end of the newsletter). Don’t forget that wives will also be welcome to attend this event.
South Hampstead 1st XI in 1967. Terry Cordaroy, Bill Hart, Don Wallis, Jim Sharp, John Tutton, Len Stubbs, Bob Peach, Robin Ager and Roy Phipps are on the distribution list for Googlies and we hope to see them all at South Hampstead on the 5th September. If anyone knows how to contact Alan Cox, John Matthews or Harold Stubbs please let me know.
St Clement Danes 1st XI in 1964. Graham Sharp, Jack Morgan, Arthur Gates, Jim Sharp, Phil Matthews, John Adams and Frank Foreman are on the distribution list for Googlies and so we hope to see them at South Hampstead on 5th September. If anyone knows how to contact Neil Adcock, Dick Bond, Steve Caley or Mick Jordan please let me know. Russ Collins will be in charge of the catering.
In addition to those listed as missing above it would be great if anyone could help locate any of the following: Geoff Howe, Ian Jerman, David Simpson, Nigel Ross, Ossie Burton, Keith Hardie, Ray Cook, Russell Tant, Jeremy Asquith, Tim Miles, David Harrison, Mark Rigby, Lincoln Sylburne, Dick Boothroyd, Jerry Hill, Colin Newcombe, George Bottrill.
Irritating trends in modern cricket-number 16 The ICC schedules now provide us with far more international cricket than in the past, which may be a good thing. However, it does seem ludicrous that the domestic season is now well underway but the national side is still on tour in the Caribbean. This will only serve to further separate test players from their counties. Andy Strauss, the Middlesex captain, has been watching it rain in the Caribbean instead of taking up his rightful place watching it rain at Lords.
Earlier Editions
I will be please to email you a copy of the earlier editions of Googlies & Chinamen, if you missed or have mislaid them:
If you received this edition through a third party, please send me your email address to ensure that you get on the main mailing list for future editions.
Googlies and Chinamen
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Tel: 01298 70237
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An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 17
May 2004
Pretzel Logic
The much-vaunted new England four man pace attack was brought rudely down to earth in Antigua. Hoggard left the field injured at an early juncture, Freddie amused himself bowling as many funny balls per over as he could dream up, whilst Jones the Quick had to bowl to Sarwan with only one slip and no third man. Consequently he had to bowl at the stumps and was creamed through midwicket. When he tried to bowl a proper line he was edged through second slip for four. The ultimate ignominy was that instead of stepping up to do the job this new quartet handed the ball over to Trescothick who bowled umpteen overs of rinse. Only the Durham Sprayer came through the ordeal with any dignity or credit maintaining, to the delight of this observer, both line and length.
*
So which is the only team to qualify for the ludicrously named Champions Trophy in England in September by winning something? Answer – the USA, of course, who won the ICC six nations Challenge in Dubai, beating off the challenge of Scotland, Holland, Namibia, UAE, and Canada. The Wisden Cricketer claims that its Cricinfo website has 15 million users of which no less than 20% are resident in the USA. This makes this group by far the largest by nationality. The bulk of the victorious USA team are of Caribbean or Indian extraction and it is likely that the USA will become a force in world cricket fairly soon. Their soccer team is now a familiar participant in the World Cup Finals and, of course, they regularly beat England.
*
International batsmen around the world will be relieved following the “retirement” of Venkat from the ICC’s elite umpires panel. They will now be spared his erratic, bowler friendly decisions. It is disappointing that Simon Taufel is among those to be dropped from the panel, the others being Asoka da Silva and David Orchard. New to the panel are Neil Mallendar and Aleem Dar.
*
At the last minute before I went to press with Googlies 16 I received The Professor’s Wisden Five list, which turned out to be the same as Nigel Hathaway’s. These two seem to be in closer contact with reality than the editorial team at Wisden, who added Ian Harvey, Chris Adams and Gary Kirsten to the common selections of Graeme Smith and Freddie. It does seem quite absurd that Harvey and Kirsten come ahead of Ponting and Kallis. Harvey is just a bit player in one-day cricket at best and Adams is included, as Nigel commented, as a representative of county cricket.
*
Mick Jagger made an appearance at Trinidad and the Barmy Army ignored the cricket and all sang “Satisfaction” when they realized he was in their midst. It would never have happened at Lords in 1963.
The Surrey Appreciation Society
It seems that I was just about the only one not to be at Lords to see Surrey do well to make a match of it against Middlesex in April 2004.
The Great Jack Morgan sent me this disappointingly balanced report on the proceedings:
Of the two rookie skippers, it was Owais Shah who was lucky with the toss at Lord’s on 21 April and he asked Surrey to bat in apparently helpful bowling conditions. The impressive Scott Newman, however, launched such a ferocious assault on the Middlesex pace bowlers that he reached 86 off 78 balls in a partnership of 119 in 93 minutes with captain/ keeper/ opening bat Jon Batty and gave Surrey the advantage on a truncated first day.
Surrey continued the excellent rate of scoring on day two with fluent stroke play from Adam Hollioake (106 off 129 balls) and Ian Salisbury (77 off 95 balls) who shared a stand of 125. Surrey’s total of 418 looked a very good one in the conditions, but when Ben Hutton (78) and Shah (93) matched the Surrey scoring rate and put on 171 in 156 minutes for the Middlesex second wicket, the likeliest outcome appeared to be a draw.
On the third morning, however, a still greenish track provided Azhar Mahmood (4-96) with prodigious movement from the Nursery End and although Ed Joyce batted attractively for 45, Middlesex subsided to a disappointing 325 all out. My lunchtime was brightened by the shocking appearance of the Professor in his MCC uniform, including the famous red and yellow tie: I always had the impression that the Prof was something of an anti-establishment rebel, but now, sadly, I have to report that not only does he play golf, that most elitist, racist and sexist of pastimes, but that he is also an associate member of the snob-ridden and rule-bound MCC! But then I remembered his authoritarian regime at school in 1964/65 and it all seemed to fit. A few years ago, of course, John would not have passed the MCC hair inspection!
Surrey quickly surrendered their strong position when some reckless batting saw their second innings slide to 71-5 before an entertaining stand of 113 in 81 minutes between Mark “Judas” Ramprakash (68) and Azhar (70 off 77 balls) appeared to put Surrey back in charge. These runs came off the second string “attack” of Simon Cook and Paul Weekes and it was a mystery why debutant Paul Hutchison (6-1-11-1) was not restored to the attack. Hutchison, however, will be content with his match haul of 4 for 83. When opening bowlers Chad Keegan and Nantie Hayward were recalled, however, they quickly wrapped up the Surrey innings for 203, leaving Middlesex to score 297 to win. Keegan and Hayward conceded more runs in this match than they would have wanted to, but Middlesex were very happy with their match figures of 8 for 185 (Keegan) and 6 for 141 (Hayward).
The wicket appeared to have flattened out under the surprisingly hot April sunshine and when there were no alarms in the first hour of the last day, it became obvious that Middlesex would win comfortably. A dull, but untroubled partnership of 114 in 154 minutes between Sven Koenig (62) and Hutton (88) ensured that the home team made no slip ups and a more attractive innings of 65 off 89 balls from captain Shah and a beautiful cameo of 47 off 42 balls from Joyce provided enjoyment for the home supporters before Middlesex eventually cruised to victory by six wickets. Joyce would have been disappointed to get out twice in the forties, but he seemed to be back to his glorious best in this match after a slightly disappointing 2003. Skipper Batty appeared at a loss to know how to change the course of events and numerous lengthy conferences with deposed leader Hollioake and other experienced players provided no inspiration. Saqlain Mushtaq did well to pick up 7-178 in the match from a wicket (as is usual these days) that offered little assistance to the spinners, but Surrey’s best bowler on the last day was probably “Fatboy Jim” Ormond, who deserved better than his figures of 17-3-39-0. My companion for the day, Surrey supporter Jim Revier, had a particularly miserable time as, in addition to watching Surrey get thrashed, he also had to listen on the radio to Rangers losing 2-0 at Plymouth. I hope he didn’t back any horses that day!
Man of the Match: Ben Hutton, 78, 88, three fine catches and an absolutely brilliant run out to get rid of the dangerous Hollioake, which was one of the turning points of the match.
Surrey 418 (Hollioake 106, Newman 86, Salisbury 77, Keegan 5-138); Middx 325 (Shah 93, Hutton 78, Azhar 4-96); Surrey 203 (Azhar 70, Ramprakash 68, Hayward 4-41); Middx 300-4 (Hutton 88, Shah 65, Koenig 62, Saqlain 4-107). Middx (20 points) won by 6 wickets, Surrey 8 points.
And I received this from the Professor
Last Thursday I had a meeting in London that, happily, was cancelled at the last minute. It was a lovely spring day, Middlesex were playing Surrey and so I took myself off to Lords. I haven't been to too many test match grounds around the world but there can be few better than Headquarters on a beautiful April day - the sky was blue, the grass was green, the lager was cold and I was one very happy chappy.
I settled myself into my customary spot on the middle balcony of the
pavilion where, if you can fight your way through the Daily Torygraphs, you can get more or less behind the bowler's arm. My vantage point gave me a perfect view of the ground and also of the modest crowd at the Nursery End. My eyesight is not what it was, but just above the sightscreen at that end there seemed to be a large expanse of brownish human flesh squeezed into a seat together with various accompanying bags and hold-alls. I suppose I must have had some inkling as to it's identity since at lunch time I wandered down to the plebeian end and there the vision revealed itself to be a naked (save, mercifully, for a par of swimming trunks) Great Jack Morgan. Indeed his lack of dress revealed fully just how great he had become. Happily I did not have the Lovely Jane Richards with me at the time or I fear that her much discussed lusting for the Great Jack Morgan's body might have taken a nasty knock. I was dressed suitably for watching cricket at Lords; that is, I had clothes on and thus prompted instant ridicule and abuse from "D-Cup" as I now like to think of him. The lack of clothes was made up for, however, by the mass of possessions that surrounded the great man. There were papers, reference books, bags of sandwiches and cakes, a thermos, various items of clothing (which I imagine were necessary for an un-molested journey home), and I think I even saw a clipboard. All very alarming stuff and I trust your readers have already had their tea.
We had a very convivial chat in which Jack took the piss out of my tie and I floundered to say anything unkind about his dress since he didn't have any. I then made my way back to the clothed end and watched the rest of the game - which was very entertaining and was followed by a pleasant meal in St John's Wood, with a bottle of wine that even your brother might have approved of.
Antipodeans at South Hampstead – Part One
When I first played at South Hampstead in 1963 there were no Australians or New Zealanders in the side and it would be a few seasons before the first appeared. However, when Qantas got their flights cheap enough there was a steady flow that soon became a flood. Some members thought that there should be a restriction on the number allowed each season since they curtailed the opportunities for first team cricket for longer serving club members. Others took the view that if the visitors qualified for membership and paid their subscription they had a right to compete for places.
George Cole was the first of this new breed of Australian to play at South Hampstead. He was the original Cheeky Chirpy Chappy who came over in 1968 for a cricket holiday and to see some of Europe. He arrived as a whippy left arm bowler but it was his dashing left-handed batting that really made an impact. He started out in the middle order and got plenty of bowling but by June he was batting in the top four and was rarely getting a bowl.
He had a purple patch in June that included an innings of 106 against Paddington and an opening partnership of 150 with Terry Cordaroy against the Hertfordshire Hedgehogs. His form declined thereafter and he only made one further fifty, which he scored in the Ron Hooker Benefit Match. He was fortunate in that his only season at the club enabled him the unique opportunity of playing at Lords in the Wills final. Sadly he was so nervous that he failed to trouble the scorers. It was his final appearance for the club.
He was an extremely popular member of the club and was a regular in the bar. All the wives and girlfriends found him a novelty and when he produced his fiancé and announced that he was getting married in August Bob and Diana Peach hosted a reception at their flat in Brondesbury Park after the formal proceedings at that most romantic of venues, the Willesden Registry Office.His forHH
Reflections on the Quadruple Century I saw the Lara innings up till the second evening just after he had hit a bemused Peg Leg for six in the final over of the day to take him to 309. Whilst it was exciting and praiseworthy of him to go on to 400, he probably didn't need that many runs on the board and didn't quite leave himself enough time to bowl England out twice. This is what will make it increasingly difficult for the record to be beaten - the context of the match that will allow it to happen. The good news is that it will only be achieved by someone who scores reasonably fast. When Boycott got 240 against India he batted, I believe, for seven sessions. At this rate he would need to bat for thirteen of the fifteen available sessions to beat the record - and there would be no one left in the ground to see it.
There have been three triple centuries scored this winter. Hayden’s record, Lara’s reclamation and in between a mere 309 by Sehwag. The most likely candidate to get there next is Dravid who has now made five test match double centuries with each one being bigger then the previous one.
Batty’s Bollock Ball
Good news for English cricket. Their number one off spinner Gareth Batty has developed a special delivery. Is it the famous Doosra? No, of course not, he hasn’t mastered the drifter yet. But he has discovered the Bollock Ball. In Antigua he bowled one of his gentle and predictable off spinners to Sarwan who advanced down the pitch to him, changed his mind about the shot he was going to make and took a gentle tap on the box. He then scurried back to his crease before collapsing as if pole axed by Wayne Daniel when not wearing a box.
After much writhing around on the ground Sarwan was helped to his feet only to collapse again holding his knackers. It started to seem as if he would have to retire hurt but he eventually composed himself and took guard. Good old Gareth then gave him a leg stump long hop that enabled Sarwan to give the strike back to Lara.
But this is good news. Batty could develop this lethal weapon to sort out the Aussies. Poor Ricky Ponting will be shitting himself in fear of getting a wake up tap on his tojjer but they are no doubt already designing new extra strength boxes to counter this threat.
Who to look out for in 2004 Jim Revier and the Surrey cognoscenti must be wondering what all the fuss is about finding a wicket keeper for England who can bat. The Medlycott/Hollioake regime at the Oval chose Jonathan Batty as their opening bat ahead of England men Mark Butcher, Ian Ward and Alec Stewart. His wicket keeping must pass muster too in this all international set up which requires handling Saqlain Mushtaq amongst others. Now the management have handed him the captaincy as well and if he can handle this he might just be the man to take over from Peg Leg and let him get back to scoring the serious runs he was getting before he took over.
Another player to be given the captaincy of his county this year is David Sales of Northants. Sales has always stepped up, produced a staggering performance and then failed to live up to it. The role of captain may bring some consistency to his performance in 2004. Make no mistake this guy is seriously talented.
I liked the look of Alex Gidman of Gloucestershire in 2003. He seems to have plenty of time to play his shots, which are executed to perfection. He was unlucky to be ruled out of the Academy Tour to India through injury. He also bowls trundlers, but forget that – we want specialists not neithers like Anthony McGrath.
The stars of the Academy were undoubtedly Kevin Pieterson and Sajid Mahmood. The former has been slaughtering County attacks, particularly Middlesex, for three seasons already and in September will have completed his qualifying period for England. He will have his eye on Nass’ position if the latter lasts that long. Sajid Mahmood has received the plaudits of no less than Dennis Lillee who ranks him as a seriously major prospect. If the weather is good this summer Hoggard and Jones the Quick will be returning to county cricket and Sajid Mahmood may well get the call.
But don’t rule out young Andy Caddick yet. This weirdo has recovered from back surgery and is determined to play international cricket again. He is quirky enough to produce performances in the spring that will make him difficult to leave out.
Bilal Shafayat remains possibly the most exciting of the younger prospects. If things settle down at turbulent Trent Bridge he could well be the star of the summer. Usman Afzaal has left and gone to Northants where he might find the new scenery a stage for his undoubted talents if he can drag himself away from Bollywood movie sets.
And don’t forget the Kolpak factor. There will be plenty of guys with funny names and no English pedigree turning out in the county championship this season. The Great Jack Morgan is right in that it will make the County Championship tougher and better for the spectators but these guys will not be playing for England, nor will the old lags Law and Hooper who will dominate Lancashire’s top order once the shine is off the new ball.
I asked the Great Jack Morgan who to look out for in 2004 and he came up with these notes
“Players to look out for: as Strauss is already in the England set-up, he cannot really be one to look out for, but Shah’s best form would see him back at that level and Joyce (when qualified), Nash and Hutton could also make progress. The best prospect amongst the Middlesex chaps, however, if he maintains last year’s improvement, must be Keegan. I have still not given up on Dalrymple; Compton is a possibility in the medium term and Morgan (another young Irishman) is the best long-term bet. Still on the Middlesex theme, Aron (not Aaron) Laraman could still go all the way, if he can hold his fragile body together. I have not seen Sajid Mahmood, but he must be a candidate. Essex have some good young players: I have already mentioned Alastair Cook, who is a fantastic prospect, while others to note are Bopara and Pettini. Surrey also have some good ‘uns and Benning might be the best of them. I also like the look (on limited evidence) of John Francis at Hants, who I have just heard has joined his brother at Somerset. Most of these are pretty green at present, so they might take a while to come through.
Spinners are hard to find. A couple of the best ones are the Northants pair of Brown and Swann, both of whom have been in full England touring squads (Swann even played a one-dayer at Bloemfontein, when I was present to witness a thumping victory by 9 wickets, if I remember correctly), but apparently Fletcher has taken a dislike to both of them, so their prospects are dismal until a new coach is appointed. Neither of these are as young as I would want our prospects to be and neither are the other two I would suggest, Fisher and Keedy (both ex-Yorkshire), who still might make it, even now. Swann and Fisher have the advantage of being able to bat. I must mention the great Ian Blackwell, whom I spotted many years ago playing for Derbyshire 2s at Harrow: he is a left arm spinner who can do a job, but he is an absolutely devastating batsman when he is in the mood. He must be given a chance, not just asked to carry the sodding drinks or bowl a few mediocre overs without batting, as is his usual role.
Amongst pace bowlers, I have recommended a few over the years, two of whom are in the England team (Harmison and Hoggard), others have also been picked (Johnson, Sidebottom, Kabir Ali, Saggers, Franks), while others’ chances have been hampered by injury (Ben Phillips, Kevin Dean). Jon Batty is no youngster, but he could put pressure on Read as a keeper who can bat (but so could Nash). But really, the only players I see enough of are Middlesex players.... the others I see having a good day or a bad day.... and, since the advent of two divisions, there are some players I do not see at all.”
Match Report Whilst combing the archives of the Acton Gazette we found the following article by the Lovely Jane Richards, which for obvious reasons was never actually published.
The following match took place at Shepherds Bush CC on Sunday 5th September 1965
What excitement! There is going to be an England v The Rest of the World match at Lords next week and as the players started to arrive they were looking for games to play in to give them match practice and some of them are going to played at Shepherds Bush last weekend where I am a member of the Tennis Section. The Editor asked me to pop along and report on the match and see if I could get an interview or two with the big stars. But things got very complicated to say the least.
To start with I couldn’t decide what outfit to wear. Its one thing wearing a mini skirt and skimpy top to tease the boys at Shepherds Bush but is it really the right thing to interview Gary Sobers in? And then you never know what the weather is going to be like before the close of play. I tried on several things but eventually plumped for the miniskirt that I had tried on first.
All this indecision made me late onto the ground and when I arrived the match was already underway. I had to find someone who could tell me what had been happening and fortunately as I entered the pavilion enclosure I bumped into genial Bill Adams who said how lovely I looked and he shepherded me to the bar and asked what I would like to drink. I explained that I was actually working but he would have none of it and got the Boson to make me a Tom Collins, which Bill assured me was just the drink for a hot afternoon.
I must say that I felt better for this drink and I was just going to make some notes on events to date when Wally Cambridge, who was sitting in the corner on a barstool, asked me what was that concoction that I was drinking. When I told him, he said that that was no drink for a pretty young thing and got the barman to fix me a Mimosa. Well it was jolly nice too and since not too much seemed to be happening on the pitch I settled back to chat with Wally. Steve Thomas joined us and he insisted that I try something called a Harvey Wallbanger. Bill had returned by now and we were also joined by John Hatfield and Jack Barrett who introduced me to a Mai Tai and a Scorpion respectively. The men all stuck to Light and Bitter.
In no time there was clapping and the players came in for tea. I didn’t recognize a black man who was with them, but Bill said that this was the West Indian, Conrad Hunte, who was guesting for Shepherds Bush. I decided not to bother with tea and Dickie Briance, the Shepherds Bush captain, joined us at the bar and ordered me something called a Stinger. He was looking very debonair in his stripey blazer, which is the colours of a team apparently called the Wanderers. He said that the New Zealand captain, John Reid, who was guesting for the opposition, had just come on to bowl. I said I had to go to the ladies room and so excused myself. However, I felt a little tipsy and took the wrong turning out of the bar and found myself in front of the pavilion in dazzling sunlight. As I cleared my eyes and got used to the glare I saw Frank Foreman hit an amazing stroke for six but then I had to hurry back in to visit the ladies room.
When I woke up it was dark outside and the match must have been over for some time. Fiona Perrin, Jenny Talbot and the Pateman sisters, Carole and Lesley, said that they would see me home. As we walked past the outside of the pavilion I saw Bill and Wally still at the bar.
The Great Jack Morgan tells me that the England v Rest of the World match was scheduled to be played at Lords on Sept 11, 13 and 14. As play did not start until 3pm on day two, they had a one innings match that the Rest of the World won by nine wickets. Eric Russell made 65 for England (Sobers 5-22) and Conrad Hunte, who clearly benefited from his visit to East Acton Lane, hit 88 for the Rest of the World.
Unexpected Links
Back in G&C8, the Great Jack Morgan included his old university chum Dave Dollery in his “Best I have played with XI”. In G&C 16 I mentioned that Flipper Seal lives in a village called Dorridge that has two cricket clubs – Dorridge CC, with whom his family plays, and Knowle & Dorridge CC. It turns out that Dave Dollery captained the latter club for a number of years.
Strange Elevens
The awesome Jazz Hat side in G&C16 have all played in over one hundred tests.
The Great Jack Morgan invites you to identify the unifying factor amongst this disparate bunch:
Brian Bolus
Peter Bowler
Younis Ahmed
Michael Bevan
Aftab Habib
Vince Wells
Roy Swetman
Tom Cartwright
Richard Davis
Ed Giddins
Allan Jones.
Naff Kit
George and I have been having fun exchanging emails on Naff things to wear whilst playing cricket:
A Woolworths buckle belt
Someone else’s box
A button down shirt
A temporary tattoo
White wellies
Braces
Black sox
Anything knitted by Pat Singman
Plimsoles
Cuff links
Shorts if you are more than 11 years old
Nail varnish
An MCC sweater
If you are guilty of sporting any three of these over your playing career you should review your sartorial image. If you ever wore any two at the same time you should be ashamed of yourself.
George added that when he toured Denmark with London Schools all the Danish players wore their boxes outside their flannels. The initial interpretation centred on some kind of Viking virility statement. As time went on it became clear that they only had two or three to go around the whole team and that nobody wore one for long. In the first game London Schools scored 287 for 2 and dismissed the Danes for 12. George tells me that he neither batted nor bowled on the entire tour but did meet a nice girl called Karen.
Reunion 5th September Preparations are in hand for the reunion at South Hampstead on Sunday 5th September. The Wanderers have pulled out of the match to be played that day but Dave Perrin has stepped in and will be bringing a Shepherds Bush Select XI to play against a South Hampstead Invitation XI. I don’t know who will be performing in these sides but Bob Peach assures me that he will not be leading the South Hampstead side.
Former South Hampstead and Shepherds Bush players as well as Old Danes will be particularly welcome but anyone who played in the sixties and seventies is encouraged to attend. As acceptances are received I will publish lists of them to try to encourage others to commit to coming themselves.
A charge of £10 is being requested to cover the cost of the buffet lunch. Please book your places through either Bob Peach (36 Chelmsford Square, London N.W.10., 0208 459 7692) or myself (details at end of the newsletter). Don’t forget that wives will also be welcome to attend this event.
South Hampstead 1st XI in 1967. Terry Cordaroy, Bill Hart, Don Wallis, Jim Sharp, John Tutton, Len Stubbs, Bob Peach, Robin Ager and Roy Phipps are on the distribution list for Googlies and we hope to see them all at South Hampstead on the 5th September. If anyone knows how to contact Alan Cox, John Matthews or Harold Stubbs please let me know.
St Clement Danes 1st XI in 1964. Graham Sharp, Jack Morgan, Arthur Gates, Jim Sharp, Phil Matthews, John Adams and Frank Foreman are on the distribution list for Googlies and so we hope to see them at South Hampstead on 5th September. If anyone knows how to contact Neil Adcock, Dick Bond, Steve Caley or Mick Jordan please let me know. Russ Collins will be in charge of the catering.
In addition to those listed as missing above it would be great if anyone could help locate any of the following: Geoff Howe, Ian Jerman, David Simpson, Nigel Ross, Ossie Burton, Keith Hardie, Ray Cook, Russell Tant, Jeremy Asquith, Tim Miles, David Harrison, Mark Rigby, Lincoln Sylburne, Dick Boothroyd, Jerry Hill, Colin Newcombe, George Bottrill.
Irritating trends in modern cricket-number 16 The ICC schedules now provide us with far more international cricket than in the past, which may be a good thing. However, it does seem ludicrous that the domestic season is now well underway but the national side is still on tour in the Caribbean. This will only serve to further separate test players from their counties. Andy Strauss, the Middlesex captain, has been watching it rain in the Caribbean instead of taking up his rightful place watching it rain at Lords.
Earlier Editions
I will be please to email you a copy of the earlier editions of Googlies & Chinamen, if you missed or have mislaid them:
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