GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 152
August 2015
Out and About with the Professor
Cricket, as the expression goes, is “a funny old game”. It’s not supposed to be of course, it just is.
Any Googlies reader could provide a hundred validations of this familiar aphorism, my latest offering comes from the Ashes Test series. I have been to two days of the current series: Day One at Lord’s and Day Two at Edgbaston. Both days were rather similar in one respect; the number of runs scored. But not very similar in the other respect of the number of wickets taken.
Day One at Lord’s 337 – 1. A lovely day to watch cricket, some stunning shots played, especially by Smith, only the one wicket of Warner to fall (if slogging the ball to deep long on can carry the description of a wicket “falling”) and all thoroughly enjoyable…if you like watching Australians bat, that is. Day Two at Edgbaston was another lovely warm and pleasant day to watch cricket, 316 runs this time, but with 14 wickets going down. I think I need to write that again; 316 runs and 14 wickets in a day of Test cricket. What is going on?
The Lord’s track was clearly a flat belter (at least when Australia were batting) and in these days of “being positive” 330 odd runs from two in-form batsmen was not too remarkable, but over 300 runs while wickets were falling at the rate of one every half hour? The Birmingham pitch never seemed to be that difficult, a couple from Johnson really got up - but then he is Johnson – nothing kept very low. There was swing and a bit of seam movement all day. So, we all know what to do under such circumstances: knuckle down, leave as much as you can outside off stump, cut out cross-bat shots, defend straight and only look to score off anything that is very full or very short. What am I talking about! No one plays Test cricket like that anymore.
On the bus to the ground I was listening to a couple of chaps suggesting England (133-3 overnight remember) might go on to make 500, or “maybe 450 would be enough”. The chap sitting next to me noted my smile and said: “They haven’t seen England bat too often, have they”. Within five minutes we were 5 wickets down and the rest was helter-skelter stuff. Wonderful to watch, but I’m not sure it makes a lot of sense. For example, if the ball is seaming a little, holding up a bit (or swinging, come to that) the one thing you must not do it try to work the ball off the straight. You will turn the bat face a fraction too early, get a front edge and the ball will go straight up in the air. I know that, the chap on the bus knew that, everyone reading Googlies knows that….so, why do they do it? Several players, on both sides, got out in exactly this manner: the batsman could end up caught behind, like Smith, or by dropping the ball into the hands of Lyth at mid-on, or even, in the more muscular case of Johnson, managing to top edge the thing to Stokes at Third Man-cum-Fly Slip. And so the scoring rattled along at 5 an over and the wickets kept tumbling and everyone was being very “positive”…just not very wise.
Surly somebody, someday, is going to point out that in a game that takes a week to play it is quite a good idea to stay in. Actually somebody does…but who listens to “Sir Geoffrey” these days? No matter, we are all “being positive”, “proactive” and “going forward”…and, of course, out.
So off to Trent Bridge. I don’t have a ticket but I thought I might nip in for the fifth day. The what? We only just got to day three in this one. Nottingham doesn’t produce the Hadlee/Rice pitches these days (that is to say they now mow them) but if there is any movement well, we shall see. Ticket for Day Four anyone?
Ashes Matters
What have we learnt from the Ashes so far?
Moeen Ali is a terrible fielder. I hadn’t noticed last year but he is always to be found on the boundary where he is not particularly reliable and his throwing is erratic even accounting for buzzers at Lord’s. If he finds himself at midwicket, following a move such as a right and left hander at the crease, as soon as the ball finds him and he inevitably fumbles or misses it Cook stops the action and humiliates Ali by summoning Wood or Broad from third man and banishing him to the deep. It probably explains why all the England fielders looked apprehensive when he took the catch to finish the game at Lord’s against New Zealand. It was odds on that he would drop it.
The Australians don’t expect Mitchell Johnson to dive around. How refreshing this is. He is picked to terrorise the English batsmen and he can’t do this if he is nursing an injury. When on the boundary he doesn’t chase around and then to impress the coaches make a forlorn and pointless token dive. Top marks to the Aussies for bringing back some sense to the expectations of fast bowlers in the field.
Wicket keeping will soon be a forgotten art. Little was made of Buttler’s leg side drop of Rogers at Lord’s, who was at the time on about 50 and cost England about 130 runs. The commentators generously described it as a difficult chance and saw no reason why he should be expected to catch it. Tell this to Bob Taylor, Alan Knott or Jack Russell who would have hung their heads in shame if they had missed so straightforward a chance. Why do the selectors not reckon that Buttler needs to score these runs before he breaks even with the bat?
The Buttler miss off Rogers standing up at Lord’s cost England 130 which if you add another 170 odd for Bell’s miss of Smith together they knock a big whole in the margin of Australia’s victory. No other Aussie batsman reached fifty in their first innings. Why is Bell first choice at second slip when he is a regular sheller there? Perhaps he should join Ali on the perimeter?
The attempt to take the ball in front of the stumps for attempted run outs by the keeper or bowler must stop. Nobody seems to have mastered it and so it rarely works and good chances are missed. But above all it looks awful.
Jimmy has gone three innings without taking a wicket and has leaked 170 in the process. This is not the required performance of the spearhead of your attack if you are going to win the Ashes. Conditions were Anderson Friendly at Edgbaston and so he got back on the horse. Now he is injured and so he misses his Happy Hunting Ground at Trent Bridge. He would be well advised to stay injured since the Oval is unlikely to provide him with what he needs.
I have been scathing about the women’s game previously but the first three Ashes contests have shown that it has come on by leaps and bounds. The fielding is red hot and the fielding no longer involves relay throwing from the boundary. The bowling is tidier and the batting continues to be ultra correct but in the Aussies Lanning and Perry there are two who can play strongly all round the wicket. The lady commentators can also now talk the game which makes the whole spectacle tolerable.
It has got tricky catching the action this season. I watched the morning session on TV at Edgbaston before driving down to London. By the time that I arrived the match was more or less over.
Middlesex Matters
The Great Jack Morgan keeps us up to date
Middlesex brought in Eoin Morgan for Nick Gubbins for the Championship match against Hampshire at Lord’s starting on June 28. James Franklin won the toss and asked Hants to bat first on the usual Lord’s greentop. Captain Jimmy Adams fell to the fourth ball of the match and things got no better for Hampshire until Joe Gatting (son of Steve and nephew of Mike) arrived at the crease with the score on 83 for 5. Gatting has had a lean time in the last few years, but looked in fine form here as he quickly got the measure of the pitch and the useful Middlesex seam attack. He made an impressive 64* off 86 balls with 7 fours and a six and it was disastrous for the visitors that, although six other batsmen got into double figures, none managed more than 23 and they collapsed to 176 all out, leaving Gatt stranded. The three Middlesex pace bowlers all performed well with Tim Murtagh taking 2 for 49, Toby Roland-Jones 4 for 60 and Jimmy Harris 4 for 48.
Sam Robson helped Paul Stirling (38 off 37 balls with 7 fours) put on 60 for the first wicket for Middlesex, but then wickets fell quickly to leave the home team struggling on 113 for 5. Fortunately, Nick Compton was batting soundly and he finally found a staunch ally in keeper John Simpson and 111 were added for the sixth wicket before Compton fell for an outstanding 87 off 156 balls with 8 fours. Simpson went on to a valuable 64 off 200 balls with 7 fours, then it was left to Ollie Rayner to guide the tail towards a total of 330 with a determined effort, making 52 off 149 balls with 4 fours. There were plenty of dull patches in the Middlesex innings, but they secured an invaluable lead of 154. South African opening bowler Bradley Wheal took 4 for 101, Australian Test bowler Jackson Bird took 3 for 88, but the best of the bowlers to my eyes was ex-Middlesex allrounder Gareth Berg with 2 for 47 off 24 accurate overs.
Hampshire made a better start to their second innings and Sean Terry (son of Paul, but brought up in Western Australia) contributed a stubborn 52 off 171 balls with 6 fours. Ex-Notts and Durham batsman Will Smith was another who got his head down and shared stands of 50 with Terry and 58 with the impressive ex-Essex wicketkeeper/ batsman Adam Wheater before departing for 30 made in very nearly 3 hours. Wheater's 50 off 45 balls with 6 fours was probably the most entertaining innings of the match, but after that there was only going to be one result despite some resistance from Berg and England ODI man Danny Briggs for the eighth wicket. Harris took 4 more wickets for 80 to give him 8-128 in the match, Rayner took 3 for 44 in 25 overs of accurate offspin and Murtagh returned figures of 2 for 41. Keeper Simpson held 5 catches in the match.
The Hampshire total of 227 left Middlesex needing only 74 for victory and they strolled home by 9 wickets before a delayed lunch on day 4, Robson making his third highest score of the season (36*). Middlesex 22 points Hampshire 2 and Middlesex remain third in the Championship Division One table, 56 points clear of the relegation places.
Vinnie the Cod is leaving Middlesex with immediate effect.
I went to Sunbury for the Second Eleven one-dayer between Surrey and Middlesex. Surrey, who included experienced players like Arun Harinath (captain), David Balcombe and England's Jade Dernbach in their side, made a sound start, putting on 57 for the first wicket. However, when Dom Sibley was run out for 48 with the score on 116, over half of the overs had gone, the scoring rate definitely needed to accelerate and a big improvement did come from Aneesh Kapil, from Wolverhampton, who dominated proceedings until he was finally out for an excellent 105. Surrey accelerated further towards the end of their innings and this was mainly down to young Dan Douthwaite with a well struck 56 which took them up to 339 for 6 in their 50 overs. Left arm seamer Gurjit Sandhu, from Isleworth, was the most successful of the visiting bowlers with two wickets.
Skipper Sam Robson (born in Sydney) was the only experienced player in the Middlesex line-up and he got the team off to good start, dominating an opening partnership of 59 with Cameron Steel (born in San Francisco, brought up in Western Australia) before falling for 42. Steel then began to play his shots and shared an encouraging second wicket partnership of 78 with 18 year old Max Holden from Cambridge, before Steel (48) became the first of 2 wickets for offspinner Chris Jones. Middlesex were ahead of Surrey's scoring rate throughout most of the innings, but when Holden departed for a thoroughly impressive 106, the situation changed dramatically. The cause of Middlesex's collapse was the little seen leg spin of Sibley, who did not take a wicket for Surrey 2s in 2014, but who now picked up six quick wickets to turn the match around, with 3 wickets falling on 277, when the visitors had seemed to be heading for victory. Allrounder Martin Andersson, from Reading, tried his best with 35, but when he was last out in the 50th over, Middlesex had lost by 19 runs.
I drove over to Merchant Taylors this morning (11/7) arriving about 10.30 only to find that the car park was not open because they had put the start back to 12 noon, without informing me, presumably because there was a rubbish T20 on last night (and as Middx recorded a very rare win, I suppose they were all nursing hangovers). I did not fancy hanging around doing nothing for an hour and a half, especially as I had to leave the match early today because we are going out tonight, so I just turned the car around and drove home encountering jams and a diversion making it a near 3 hour round trip and not a ball was watched! The forecast is not good for the remainder of the match and I think MTs might join Radlett on the list of grounds that I no longer want to visit. I do not think I missed a great deal.
Fat Matters
When picking up my pen to select the 2015 rotund eleven I automatically inscribed mark Cosgrove as the opener and he can also be captain following his appointment at Leicester. I am, of course, substantially limited to television selection and all to well aware that the screen can be misleading but have no hesitation in making Richard Levi Cosgrove’s opening partner. But Levi’s selection meant that I was watching Northants and even the commentator (Knight?) was flabbergasted at the bulk that is Rory Kleinveldt, the South African quick. Alongside him Levi looked like a little nephew.
Big Runs matters
Lancashires South Africans, the AP Twins -Alviro Petersen and Ashley Prince, broke all manner of records at Colwyn Bay against Glamorgan when they added 501 for the third wicket. Peterson made 286 at a sedate pace whilst Prince hit seven sixes in his 261 scored at over a run a ball. But this was only second division cricket….
Meanwhile James Taylor, the Notts captain, made 291 at Horsham after his side had been 30 for 3. When KP made just a few more at the Oval against the Leicestershire attack in the second division there was a clamour for his test recall. Then in a low scoring T20 match at Old Trafford Taylor saw his side home almost singlehandedly when all seemed lost. This guy has seriously upset the powers that be in England cricket.
Back in the second division Kent took a liking to the Essex bowling at Horsham and racked up 631. Whilst Ben Harmison scored 123 and Sam Billings scored 100 not out, everyone else got some including Bell-Drummond and Northeast. With Rob Key pushing their international claims during his Sky commentating sessions Kent could soon have three batters in or around the national side.
Carling Matters
Paddy Carlin sent me this
From my privileged perch in the Kennington Club I have in the past remarked on Surrey’s penchant for playing three wicketkeepers (Wilson, Davies and Burns) and using the worst of them (Wilson) in the specialist role. I was therefore somewhat surprised to see two more wicket keepers added to the 2015 squad – Sangakkara and Foakes. Surely they weren’t going to play them all? But in the Kent match they did!
It makes you wonder what Messrs Stewart and Ford, the brains behind Surrey cricket, are thinking. Some wicket keepers, such as Burns, are good fielders but Davies is only passable and I cannot imagine the great Sri Lankan patrolling the covers. They can only rarely bowl which restricts the bowling options. One shudders to think what Stewart would have done had he been given the Strauss role but Buttler could have at least shared the keeping duties.
Surrey’s need is for a good spinner not another wicket keeper batsman. But they don’t learn because in the latest match they have selected Solanki in place of the injured Burns.
Minor Counties Matters
The paucity of Championship cricket has sent The Great Jack Morgan into the sticks
I went to Burnham for the big clash between Buckinghamshire and Bedfordshire and found out from the programme that ex-Middlesex slow left armer Tom Smith is now turning out for Bucks when not needed by Gloucs. He opened the batting in a game against Herts at High Wycombe in June and made 84 and (in a successful fourth innings run chase) 244* (the highest ever score by a Bucks batsman in their 120 year history) out of 490-4, the highest ever run chase in the history of the Minor Counties Championship! His bowling was less successful, 0-113 and 1-107! Scores: Herts 487-2 and 292-7 dec; Bucks 290 and 490-4. Tom Hampton, formerly of Middlesex, also played in the game for Bucks making 33* and 8 and taking 1-87 and 4-63. Bucks had similar success in the Beds game; not quite so spectacular perhaps, but again it was a great fourth innings effort after a mediocre display earlier in the match. Beds made 284 (George Thurstance 56, Mathew Rance 3-61), to which Bucks replied with a dismal 163 (Jason Rance 42, Colin Griggs 3-21, Thurstance 3-56). Beds then added 230-7 dec (Sam Johnson 69*, Thurstance 64) to set Bucks a formidable 352 to win. However, a team who can chase down 490, were not bothered by this task (though without Smithy this time) and Shaan Khan and Charlie Macdonnell got them off to a great start with 117 for the first wicket before Khan fell for a fine 75. Shelvin Gumbs then joined Macdonnell in another brilliant stand of 136 for the second wicket until Macdonnell departed for an excellent 88. Nothing could stop Gumbs, however, as skipper Michael Payne helped him add 99* and Bucks cruised home by 8 wickets. Gumbs was the hero of the hour, finishing on 132* off 164 balls with 17 fours and a 6. And all this was accompanied by the glorious sight of red kites cruising and swooping all around us. Bucks are now joint top of the Unicorns Championship Eastern Division table.
I went to Finchampstead for the Minor Counties Championship game between Berkshire and Devon and saw the home team sink to 106 for 5 before opener Waqas Hussain (from West London) was joined by ex-Middlesex allrounder Chris Peploe (also from West London) and the pair put on an excellent 123 for the sixth wicket before Hussain fell for a magnificent 124 off 207 balls with 18 fours and a six. Peploe struck a hard hit 67 off 93 balls, but there was little support, apart from keeper Stewart Davison's 26 and Berks were all out for 286. Zak Bess was the best of the visiting bowlers with 3-41. The visitors were soon in trouble at 2 for 2 and 53 for 4, but then a terrific stand of 187 developed between Matt Golding (102 off 164 balls with 10 fours) and Ben Green (109 off 148 balls with 16 fours) made sure that Devon took a first innings lead of 61, when their innings closed after 90 overs on 347 for 9. Slow left armer Peploe took 3 for 109, while Tom Nugent, Matt Carter and Harry Stephens picked up two wickets each.
When Berks batted again, opener Simon Macey made 35 and skipper James Morris 26, but the home team were in some trouble at 76-4 until Richard Morris (63 with 8 fours) and Andy Rishton (60 with 6 fours) added 123 for the sixth wicket. Then Peploe took over, smashing 64 (not all off the middle) off 48 balls with 10 fours and a six, which allowed Berks to declare on 305 for 8, setting Devon 246 to win in roughly 47 overs. Conditions were good, this looked a fair declaration to me and Devon reached 100-1 in good time, but the loss of skipper and keeper Matt Thompson for 41 followed by the quick departure of Green caused the visitors to lose interest in the target and the teams shook hands on a draw as soon as six o'clock arrived with Devon on 141-3 after 38 overs with opener Liam Lewis on 66*. It was slightly disappointing, but the Finch ground is always lovely and we had red kites again too. Berks 10 points Devon 12.
Burke Matters
The self styled Peter 'Dasher' Burke sent me this
I need help from The Great Jack Morgan (TGJM for short), who writes with such erudition on all matters Middlesex. Simply," What the f..k is going on with their T20 team?”
A little background - I am an old fart who doesn't really go for the 20 over slog format, but it is quite a good social occasion, so I went to the first game against Kent and surprisingly Middlesex looked reasonably good racking up over 200 and quickly snuffing out any chance of a Kent success. Heartened, I then agreed to take my family to see them play Hampshire on June 18th (my birthday in case you want to know). The first time they had ever been to Lords and the first time any of them had been to a live cricket match. A good Dinner in the Warner restaurant, a few glasses of acceptable Pinot Grigio, followed by an absolutely pitiful performance by Middlesex who got trounced. My wife, with absolutely zero knowledge of cricket, described them as 'absolutely useless'. Now, she is a teacher who knows everything about anything, so I made a few lame excuses about the wicket, injuries etc, to which she quickly replied 'b...cks, they're just useless!' I then immediately vowed to never again allow her through the hallowed portals!
However, two weeks on, yesterday July 2nd, we went for further punishment with a friend's 9 year old son who wanted to see an exciting T20 game at Lords. How wrong can you be? Middlesex batted first, patted back a couple of half volleys from Yardy and raced to 2 off the first over. Then they faced Tymal Mills, who looked a bit sharp, quickly seeing off Malan, who was replaced by that T20 specialist 'Slasher' Compton, also 'undone' by pace and followed by a series of non entity batsmen, including the England ODI Captain, who all appeared to have no idea as to what T20 was about. They limped to about 50-5 with 8 overs used up, when obviously the 'marketing' men took an urgent interest and sent a message to the middle. It must have gone along the lines of 'we have got 15,000+(?) mugs in here and we need to make our sales targets of Fosters, Pedigree, Pimms, Hot Dogs and Burgers etc, so can you, for Christ's sake, stay out there and at least use your 20 overs up!'
We then had the ludicrous sight of half volleys being pushed back, leisurely singles being taken to deep extra cover, third man, long on etc and a general apathetic cloud settling over the ground. Our 9 year old guest was at a total loss as to what was going on and quickly taken off for a burger by the aforementioned teacher, describing Middlesex as absolutely useless wankers! They were all out in the 20th over for a paltry 133, which was about 50-60 under par.
Sussex took 12 off the first over bowled by some donkey trying to be an off spinner (even I, an old SBCC 2ndXI 'dasher' fancied my chances of picking up at least 20 an over off that dross'). Whereupon another marketing message was obviously rushed out to the middle ' for f..cks sake slow down, we are nowhere near our targets!' Sussex obligingly reigned themselves in and ambled to a ludicrously easy 7 wicket victory with 5 overs to spare, by which time 'teacher' and a bemused 9 year old had already left muttering more obscenities about useless wankers!
Can TGJM please try and explain as to what he thinks Middlesex Management and coaching staff are doing serving up such pitiful performances. The general public aren't complete mugs and will soon realise it is all a marketing 'con' and stay away. Shouldn't they sack the lot and invest in youth and some overseas players who would at least know and understand how T20 is played? I'm not booking up for the Surrey game. Over to you TGJM!
I replied
Since surprisingly winning the T20 at the Rose Bowl several years ago Middlesex have been totally useless at T20 except when Stirling hits a purple patch. In general they seem to use it as a try out and never put out a full side. This week Sandhu and Podmore were the only quicks selected. This policy which has patently failed also seems a fraud on the punters such as your family who pay astronomic sums to go along and expect to see something memorable. I don't need to tell you what action you should take....
and then TGJM chipped in
Interesting correspondence. I am afraid I can throw no light on T20 matters, having never attended one nor watched on television and I have no intention of doing so. I am not keen on these very short cricket matches, but it is really all the associated razzamatazz and bollocks (plus crowds that are large, noisy and ignorant) that puts me off going. Sorry I cannot add any wisdom, all I know is that Middlesex are crap at T20 and it does not really bother me.
Richmond Matters
It is getting harder and harder to find championship cricket to watch in the summer and even when you do it could turn out to be day four when you think you have found day one or two. And so instead of travelling to Horsham, the Aegeas Bowl or Canterbury for what might turn out to be little play I decided to meet up with the Great Jack Morgan at Richmond for Day Three of the Middlesex IIs match against Sussex for our annual meeting to review all essential matters.
This looked a good bet at the beginning of the week with poor weather forecast on Tuesday and Wednesday but there was enough play for the game to be substantially over by Wednesday night. Indeed it would have been if Zaidi had not made 78 not out taking Sussex into a small lead. Sussex’s first innings deficit had been 151 and they had been undone in their second innings by the Australian leg spinner, Sowter.
I arrived first and although it was intermittently sunny there was a stiff breeze which made it difficult to decide precisely what jackets and body warmers to take on and off. Jack soon arrived and he barged his way through the crowd (there were three other spectators) to take up his customary position behind the bowlers arm next to the sightscreen.
The Great Jack Morgan in pole position at Richmond
Last season at Old Trafford I complained that it was difficult to work out who the players were since they were all wearing sweaters obscuring their shirt numbers and were also wearing caps which hampered facial recognition. But this was easy peasy compared to Richmond. Jack had been at the first two days and his scorecard was littered with hieroglyphics attempting to identify the players. Only the contracted players are allocated numbers but they may or may not be wearing their own shirts and of course could be obscuring the number with a sweater. The trialists have no numbers and most of them look as if they should still be in short trousers. Oh and players can be taken at a moments notice to slot into the first eleven only to be replaced by even lesser known participants. And there are no public address system announcements. So I had the benefit of sitting next to the only person in the ground who knew who was who including quite possibly the team management and scorers.
Sussex started at 204 for 8 with Zaidi and Hatchett at the crease. Zaidi is 34 and a Pakistani who has been round the block. He clearly fancied a hundred and was disgusted when Hatchett tamely looped a Sowter full toss to mid-off. Enough was enough and the last man Whittingham was given explicit instructions as to how he was to conduct himself at the crease. The principal among these were to keep Zaidi on strike and not get out when he faced the bowling. Zaidi clearly still didn’t really trust him and started slapping the bowling about at will. When Whittingham was struck on the pads in front of all three Zaidi had reached 114 and the Middlesex target was 107.
Middlesex’ openers were the South African, Eskinazi, and the Australian, Steel. Steel had made a hundred in the first innings and started as if he was just carrying on. But the longer he batted the harder it got and he eventually holed out tamely. Eskinazi also got out but Ryan Higgins, who is little more than half the 6’ 5” he is attributed with in Who’s Who, started slogging it to all parts as if he had a train to catch at lunchtime. If that was the case he would have made it comfortably and the players left the pitch on the dot of lunch with a Middlesex victory in the bag.
Jack and I were left to tuck into our respective lunches and we prolonged our learned discussions until 2.30 when we decided to leave the ground. It was early but it could have been worse, we might have been leaving Arundel.
King Cricket Matters
Ged writes:
It was the last day of the cricket season and I was working that day – mostly from home. I got urgent stuff out of the way first thing, with a view to going to the gym mid to late morning, ahead of my one meeting of the day. I was hoping to catch some of the match at the gym while I toiled.
My plans to follow the match at the gym were confounded two-fold. Firstly, the seemingly endless gym refurbishment had moved on to the corner where the Sky equipment is kept, so there was no Sky Sports on the screens.
“No matter,” I thought. “I can still hear the game on the Freeview radio channel.” I switched to channel 706. The screen said, “Cricket – Lancashire v Middlesex,” but the sound was golf commentary. I tried some channel hopping and stuff but to no avail – golf on two BBC bloke channels and cricket on none – what was going on? It took about 10 minutes for someone to announce that they were broadcasting the golf in the cricket slot because there was rain and early lunch at Old Trafford.
My exercise completed, I went on to my one meeting of the day, which was lunch with Jessica – a journalist friend and neighbour of mine. We met through comedy writing “back in the day”. She wanted to pick my brains about economics and finance, as she has been commissioned to give a talk to a bunch of German bankers, in German, on “whither finance?” or some such topic.
Jessica had offered to cook me lunch for this small slice of my brain, which seemed like a decent deal given the lack of inconvenience involved – I walk past her place on the way to and from the gym. I informed her that nobody has any idea where the world of economics and finance is going, but some people are deluded enough to think that they do know what is going on. I also suggested that she relentlessly bash French bankers when talking to German bankers in London, much as I would advise her to bash German bankers if she were giving the talk to French bankers in London. This limited but sage advice was apparently plenty to justify a rather splendid home cooked lunch, centred around a very tasty chicken pie.
Rather than venture straight home, I checked the score and thought I had better get some grub in for after-theatre supper this evening, so I looped around via Big Al DeLarge’s place to get some posh nosh – Daisy should expect nothing less. I tried to banter with Big Al about the cricket match, but he was unaware of it. Once I explained the context and current match position, he said that he would follow the match on the radio for the rest of the day. Still, he seemed more pre-occupied with the impending fate of his beloved Burnley FC and suggested, surprisingly cheerily, that relegation battles had become the story of his sporting life.
Home via the dry cleaners to collect my clean clobber from Irma la Douce. I don’t think Irma is into cricket and today didn’t seem the right day to broach the subject for the first time. Through my front door and on with the TV, but with so much to do and so little time left in the afternoon in which to do it, I thought I had better go straight up to the office and get work stuff done now, before the denouement of the match possibly became unavoidably thrilling.
It was hard to concentrate on work during this part of the day but I did my best, keeping half an eye on the Cricinfo score ticker. By the time I was ready for another break and went down for a cuppa, Charles Colvile was waffling on about some minor details of match post mortem, as the game had ended.
Daisy and I had been very much looking forward to theatre and after-theatre supper all week – indeed both proved to be excellent. But, as I said to Daisy when she arrived at the flat before the play, I’d probably had enough drama for one day already.
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An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 152
August 2015
Out and About with the Professor
Cricket, as the expression goes, is “a funny old game”. It’s not supposed to be of course, it just is.
Any Googlies reader could provide a hundred validations of this familiar aphorism, my latest offering comes from the Ashes Test series. I have been to two days of the current series: Day One at Lord’s and Day Two at Edgbaston. Both days were rather similar in one respect; the number of runs scored. But not very similar in the other respect of the number of wickets taken.
Day One at Lord’s 337 – 1. A lovely day to watch cricket, some stunning shots played, especially by Smith, only the one wicket of Warner to fall (if slogging the ball to deep long on can carry the description of a wicket “falling”) and all thoroughly enjoyable…if you like watching Australians bat, that is. Day Two at Edgbaston was another lovely warm and pleasant day to watch cricket, 316 runs this time, but with 14 wickets going down. I think I need to write that again; 316 runs and 14 wickets in a day of Test cricket. What is going on?
The Lord’s track was clearly a flat belter (at least when Australia were batting) and in these days of “being positive” 330 odd runs from two in-form batsmen was not too remarkable, but over 300 runs while wickets were falling at the rate of one every half hour? The Birmingham pitch never seemed to be that difficult, a couple from Johnson really got up - but then he is Johnson – nothing kept very low. There was swing and a bit of seam movement all day. So, we all know what to do under such circumstances: knuckle down, leave as much as you can outside off stump, cut out cross-bat shots, defend straight and only look to score off anything that is very full or very short. What am I talking about! No one plays Test cricket like that anymore.
On the bus to the ground I was listening to a couple of chaps suggesting England (133-3 overnight remember) might go on to make 500, or “maybe 450 would be enough”. The chap sitting next to me noted my smile and said: “They haven’t seen England bat too often, have they”. Within five minutes we were 5 wickets down and the rest was helter-skelter stuff. Wonderful to watch, but I’m not sure it makes a lot of sense. For example, if the ball is seaming a little, holding up a bit (or swinging, come to that) the one thing you must not do it try to work the ball off the straight. You will turn the bat face a fraction too early, get a front edge and the ball will go straight up in the air. I know that, the chap on the bus knew that, everyone reading Googlies knows that….so, why do they do it? Several players, on both sides, got out in exactly this manner: the batsman could end up caught behind, like Smith, or by dropping the ball into the hands of Lyth at mid-on, or even, in the more muscular case of Johnson, managing to top edge the thing to Stokes at Third Man-cum-Fly Slip. And so the scoring rattled along at 5 an over and the wickets kept tumbling and everyone was being very “positive”…just not very wise.
Surly somebody, someday, is going to point out that in a game that takes a week to play it is quite a good idea to stay in. Actually somebody does…but who listens to “Sir Geoffrey” these days? No matter, we are all “being positive”, “proactive” and “going forward”…and, of course, out.
So off to Trent Bridge. I don’t have a ticket but I thought I might nip in for the fifth day. The what? We only just got to day three in this one. Nottingham doesn’t produce the Hadlee/Rice pitches these days (that is to say they now mow them) but if there is any movement well, we shall see. Ticket for Day Four anyone?
Ashes Matters
What have we learnt from the Ashes so far?
Moeen Ali is a terrible fielder. I hadn’t noticed last year but he is always to be found on the boundary where he is not particularly reliable and his throwing is erratic even accounting for buzzers at Lord’s. If he finds himself at midwicket, following a move such as a right and left hander at the crease, as soon as the ball finds him and he inevitably fumbles or misses it Cook stops the action and humiliates Ali by summoning Wood or Broad from third man and banishing him to the deep. It probably explains why all the England fielders looked apprehensive when he took the catch to finish the game at Lord’s against New Zealand. It was odds on that he would drop it.
The Australians don’t expect Mitchell Johnson to dive around. How refreshing this is. He is picked to terrorise the English batsmen and he can’t do this if he is nursing an injury. When on the boundary he doesn’t chase around and then to impress the coaches make a forlorn and pointless token dive. Top marks to the Aussies for bringing back some sense to the expectations of fast bowlers in the field.
Wicket keeping will soon be a forgotten art. Little was made of Buttler’s leg side drop of Rogers at Lord’s, who was at the time on about 50 and cost England about 130 runs. The commentators generously described it as a difficult chance and saw no reason why he should be expected to catch it. Tell this to Bob Taylor, Alan Knott or Jack Russell who would have hung their heads in shame if they had missed so straightforward a chance. Why do the selectors not reckon that Buttler needs to score these runs before he breaks even with the bat?
The Buttler miss off Rogers standing up at Lord’s cost England 130 which if you add another 170 odd for Bell’s miss of Smith together they knock a big whole in the margin of Australia’s victory. No other Aussie batsman reached fifty in their first innings. Why is Bell first choice at second slip when he is a regular sheller there? Perhaps he should join Ali on the perimeter?
The attempt to take the ball in front of the stumps for attempted run outs by the keeper or bowler must stop. Nobody seems to have mastered it and so it rarely works and good chances are missed. But above all it looks awful.
Jimmy has gone three innings without taking a wicket and has leaked 170 in the process. This is not the required performance of the spearhead of your attack if you are going to win the Ashes. Conditions were Anderson Friendly at Edgbaston and so he got back on the horse. Now he is injured and so he misses his Happy Hunting Ground at Trent Bridge. He would be well advised to stay injured since the Oval is unlikely to provide him with what he needs.
I have been scathing about the women’s game previously but the first three Ashes contests have shown that it has come on by leaps and bounds. The fielding is red hot and the fielding no longer involves relay throwing from the boundary. The bowling is tidier and the batting continues to be ultra correct but in the Aussies Lanning and Perry there are two who can play strongly all round the wicket. The lady commentators can also now talk the game which makes the whole spectacle tolerable.
It has got tricky catching the action this season. I watched the morning session on TV at Edgbaston before driving down to London. By the time that I arrived the match was more or less over.
Middlesex Matters
The Great Jack Morgan keeps us up to date
Middlesex brought in Eoin Morgan for Nick Gubbins for the Championship match against Hampshire at Lord’s starting on June 28. James Franklin won the toss and asked Hants to bat first on the usual Lord’s greentop. Captain Jimmy Adams fell to the fourth ball of the match and things got no better for Hampshire until Joe Gatting (son of Steve and nephew of Mike) arrived at the crease with the score on 83 for 5. Gatting has had a lean time in the last few years, but looked in fine form here as he quickly got the measure of the pitch and the useful Middlesex seam attack. He made an impressive 64* off 86 balls with 7 fours and a six and it was disastrous for the visitors that, although six other batsmen got into double figures, none managed more than 23 and they collapsed to 176 all out, leaving Gatt stranded. The three Middlesex pace bowlers all performed well with Tim Murtagh taking 2 for 49, Toby Roland-Jones 4 for 60 and Jimmy Harris 4 for 48.
Sam Robson helped Paul Stirling (38 off 37 balls with 7 fours) put on 60 for the first wicket for Middlesex, but then wickets fell quickly to leave the home team struggling on 113 for 5. Fortunately, Nick Compton was batting soundly and he finally found a staunch ally in keeper John Simpson and 111 were added for the sixth wicket before Compton fell for an outstanding 87 off 156 balls with 8 fours. Simpson went on to a valuable 64 off 200 balls with 7 fours, then it was left to Ollie Rayner to guide the tail towards a total of 330 with a determined effort, making 52 off 149 balls with 4 fours. There were plenty of dull patches in the Middlesex innings, but they secured an invaluable lead of 154. South African opening bowler Bradley Wheal took 4 for 101, Australian Test bowler Jackson Bird took 3 for 88, but the best of the bowlers to my eyes was ex-Middlesex allrounder Gareth Berg with 2 for 47 off 24 accurate overs.
Hampshire made a better start to their second innings and Sean Terry (son of Paul, but brought up in Western Australia) contributed a stubborn 52 off 171 balls with 6 fours. Ex-Notts and Durham batsman Will Smith was another who got his head down and shared stands of 50 with Terry and 58 with the impressive ex-Essex wicketkeeper/ batsman Adam Wheater before departing for 30 made in very nearly 3 hours. Wheater's 50 off 45 balls with 6 fours was probably the most entertaining innings of the match, but after that there was only going to be one result despite some resistance from Berg and England ODI man Danny Briggs for the eighth wicket. Harris took 4 more wickets for 80 to give him 8-128 in the match, Rayner took 3 for 44 in 25 overs of accurate offspin and Murtagh returned figures of 2 for 41. Keeper Simpson held 5 catches in the match.
The Hampshire total of 227 left Middlesex needing only 74 for victory and they strolled home by 9 wickets before a delayed lunch on day 4, Robson making his third highest score of the season (36*). Middlesex 22 points Hampshire 2 and Middlesex remain third in the Championship Division One table, 56 points clear of the relegation places.
Vinnie the Cod is leaving Middlesex with immediate effect.
I went to Sunbury for the Second Eleven one-dayer between Surrey and Middlesex. Surrey, who included experienced players like Arun Harinath (captain), David Balcombe and England's Jade Dernbach in their side, made a sound start, putting on 57 for the first wicket. However, when Dom Sibley was run out for 48 with the score on 116, over half of the overs had gone, the scoring rate definitely needed to accelerate and a big improvement did come from Aneesh Kapil, from Wolverhampton, who dominated proceedings until he was finally out for an excellent 105. Surrey accelerated further towards the end of their innings and this was mainly down to young Dan Douthwaite with a well struck 56 which took them up to 339 for 6 in their 50 overs. Left arm seamer Gurjit Sandhu, from Isleworth, was the most successful of the visiting bowlers with two wickets.
Skipper Sam Robson (born in Sydney) was the only experienced player in the Middlesex line-up and he got the team off to good start, dominating an opening partnership of 59 with Cameron Steel (born in San Francisco, brought up in Western Australia) before falling for 42. Steel then began to play his shots and shared an encouraging second wicket partnership of 78 with 18 year old Max Holden from Cambridge, before Steel (48) became the first of 2 wickets for offspinner Chris Jones. Middlesex were ahead of Surrey's scoring rate throughout most of the innings, but when Holden departed for a thoroughly impressive 106, the situation changed dramatically. The cause of Middlesex's collapse was the little seen leg spin of Sibley, who did not take a wicket for Surrey 2s in 2014, but who now picked up six quick wickets to turn the match around, with 3 wickets falling on 277, when the visitors had seemed to be heading for victory. Allrounder Martin Andersson, from Reading, tried his best with 35, but when he was last out in the 50th over, Middlesex had lost by 19 runs.
I drove over to Merchant Taylors this morning (11/7) arriving about 10.30 only to find that the car park was not open because they had put the start back to 12 noon, without informing me, presumably because there was a rubbish T20 on last night (and as Middx recorded a very rare win, I suppose they were all nursing hangovers). I did not fancy hanging around doing nothing for an hour and a half, especially as I had to leave the match early today because we are going out tonight, so I just turned the car around and drove home encountering jams and a diversion making it a near 3 hour round trip and not a ball was watched! The forecast is not good for the remainder of the match and I think MTs might join Radlett on the list of grounds that I no longer want to visit. I do not think I missed a great deal.
Fat Matters
When picking up my pen to select the 2015 rotund eleven I automatically inscribed mark Cosgrove as the opener and he can also be captain following his appointment at Leicester. I am, of course, substantially limited to television selection and all to well aware that the screen can be misleading but have no hesitation in making Richard Levi Cosgrove’s opening partner. But Levi’s selection meant that I was watching Northants and even the commentator (Knight?) was flabbergasted at the bulk that is Rory Kleinveldt, the South African quick. Alongside him Levi looked like a little nephew.
Big Runs matters
Lancashires South Africans, the AP Twins -Alviro Petersen and Ashley Prince, broke all manner of records at Colwyn Bay against Glamorgan when they added 501 for the third wicket. Peterson made 286 at a sedate pace whilst Prince hit seven sixes in his 261 scored at over a run a ball. But this was only second division cricket….
Meanwhile James Taylor, the Notts captain, made 291 at Horsham after his side had been 30 for 3. When KP made just a few more at the Oval against the Leicestershire attack in the second division there was a clamour for his test recall. Then in a low scoring T20 match at Old Trafford Taylor saw his side home almost singlehandedly when all seemed lost. This guy has seriously upset the powers that be in England cricket.
Back in the second division Kent took a liking to the Essex bowling at Horsham and racked up 631. Whilst Ben Harmison scored 123 and Sam Billings scored 100 not out, everyone else got some including Bell-Drummond and Northeast. With Rob Key pushing their international claims during his Sky commentating sessions Kent could soon have three batters in or around the national side.
Carling Matters
Paddy Carlin sent me this
From my privileged perch in the Kennington Club I have in the past remarked on Surrey’s penchant for playing three wicketkeepers (Wilson, Davies and Burns) and using the worst of them (Wilson) in the specialist role. I was therefore somewhat surprised to see two more wicket keepers added to the 2015 squad – Sangakkara and Foakes. Surely they weren’t going to play them all? But in the Kent match they did!
It makes you wonder what Messrs Stewart and Ford, the brains behind Surrey cricket, are thinking. Some wicket keepers, such as Burns, are good fielders but Davies is only passable and I cannot imagine the great Sri Lankan patrolling the covers. They can only rarely bowl which restricts the bowling options. One shudders to think what Stewart would have done had he been given the Strauss role but Buttler could have at least shared the keeping duties.
Surrey’s need is for a good spinner not another wicket keeper batsman. But they don’t learn because in the latest match they have selected Solanki in place of the injured Burns.
Minor Counties Matters
The paucity of Championship cricket has sent The Great Jack Morgan into the sticks
I went to Burnham for the big clash between Buckinghamshire and Bedfordshire and found out from the programme that ex-Middlesex slow left armer Tom Smith is now turning out for Bucks when not needed by Gloucs. He opened the batting in a game against Herts at High Wycombe in June and made 84 and (in a successful fourth innings run chase) 244* (the highest ever score by a Bucks batsman in their 120 year history) out of 490-4, the highest ever run chase in the history of the Minor Counties Championship! His bowling was less successful, 0-113 and 1-107! Scores: Herts 487-2 and 292-7 dec; Bucks 290 and 490-4. Tom Hampton, formerly of Middlesex, also played in the game for Bucks making 33* and 8 and taking 1-87 and 4-63. Bucks had similar success in the Beds game; not quite so spectacular perhaps, but again it was a great fourth innings effort after a mediocre display earlier in the match. Beds made 284 (George Thurstance 56, Mathew Rance 3-61), to which Bucks replied with a dismal 163 (Jason Rance 42, Colin Griggs 3-21, Thurstance 3-56). Beds then added 230-7 dec (Sam Johnson 69*, Thurstance 64) to set Bucks a formidable 352 to win. However, a team who can chase down 490, were not bothered by this task (though without Smithy this time) and Shaan Khan and Charlie Macdonnell got them off to a great start with 117 for the first wicket before Khan fell for a fine 75. Shelvin Gumbs then joined Macdonnell in another brilliant stand of 136 for the second wicket until Macdonnell departed for an excellent 88. Nothing could stop Gumbs, however, as skipper Michael Payne helped him add 99* and Bucks cruised home by 8 wickets. Gumbs was the hero of the hour, finishing on 132* off 164 balls with 17 fours and a 6. And all this was accompanied by the glorious sight of red kites cruising and swooping all around us. Bucks are now joint top of the Unicorns Championship Eastern Division table.
I went to Finchampstead for the Minor Counties Championship game between Berkshire and Devon and saw the home team sink to 106 for 5 before opener Waqas Hussain (from West London) was joined by ex-Middlesex allrounder Chris Peploe (also from West London) and the pair put on an excellent 123 for the sixth wicket before Hussain fell for a magnificent 124 off 207 balls with 18 fours and a six. Peploe struck a hard hit 67 off 93 balls, but there was little support, apart from keeper Stewart Davison's 26 and Berks were all out for 286. Zak Bess was the best of the visiting bowlers with 3-41. The visitors were soon in trouble at 2 for 2 and 53 for 4, but then a terrific stand of 187 developed between Matt Golding (102 off 164 balls with 10 fours) and Ben Green (109 off 148 balls with 16 fours) made sure that Devon took a first innings lead of 61, when their innings closed after 90 overs on 347 for 9. Slow left armer Peploe took 3 for 109, while Tom Nugent, Matt Carter and Harry Stephens picked up two wickets each.
When Berks batted again, opener Simon Macey made 35 and skipper James Morris 26, but the home team were in some trouble at 76-4 until Richard Morris (63 with 8 fours) and Andy Rishton (60 with 6 fours) added 123 for the sixth wicket. Then Peploe took over, smashing 64 (not all off the middle) off 48 balls with 10 fours and a six, which allowed Berks to declare on 305 for 8, setting Devon 246 to win in roughly 47 overs. Conditions were good, this looked a fair declaration to me and Devon reached 100-1 in good time, but the loss of skipper and keeper Matt Thompson for 41 followed by the quick departure of Green caused the visitors to lose interest in the target and the teams shook hands on a draw as soon as six o'clock arrived with Devon on 141-3 after 38 overs with opener Liam Lewis on 66*. It was slightly disappointing, but the Finch ground is always lovely and we had red kites again too. Berks 10 points Devon 12.
Burke Matters
The self styled Peter 'Dasher' Burke sent me this
I need help from The Great Jack Morgan (TGJM for short), who writes with such erudition on all matters Middlesex. Simply," What the f..k is going on with their T20 team?”
A little background - I am an old fart who doesn't really go for the 20 over slog format, but it is quite a good social occasion, so I went to the first game against Kent and surprisingly Middlesex looked reasonably good racking up over 200 and quickly snuffing out any chance of a Kent success. Heartened, I then agreed to take my family to see them play Hampshire on June 18th (my birthday in case you want to know). The first time they had ever been to Lords and the first time any of them had been to a live cricket match. A good Dinner in the Warner restaurant, a few glasses of acceptable Pinot Grigio, followed by an absolutely pitiful performance by Middlesex who got trounced. My wife, with absolutely zero knowledge of cricket, described them as 'absolutely useless'. Now, she is a teacher who knows everything about anything, so I made a few lame excuses about the wicket, injuries etc, to which she quickly replied 'b...cks, they're just useless!' I then immediately vowed to never again allow her through the hallowed portals!
However, two weeks on, yesterday July 2nd, we went for further punishment with a friend's 9 year old son who wanted to see an exciting T20 game at Lords. How wrong can you be? Middlesex batted first, patted back a couple of half volleys from Yardy and raced to 2 off the first over. Then they faced Tymal Mills, who looked a bit sharp, quickly seeing off Malan, who was replaced by that T20 specialist 'Slasher' Compton, also 'undone' by pace and followed by a series of non entity batsmen, including the England ODI Captain, who all appeared to have no idea as to what T20 was about. They limped to about 50-5 with 8 overs used up, when obviously the 'marketing' men took an urgent interest and sent a message to the middle. It must have gone along the lines of 'we have got 15,000+(?) mugs in here and we need to make our sales targets of Fosters, Pedigree, Pimms, Hot Dogs and Burgers etc, so can you, for Christ's sake, stay out there and at least use your 20 overs up!'
We then had the ludicrous sight of half volleys being pushed back, leisurely singles being taken to deep extra cover, third man, long on etc and a general apathetic cloud settling over the ground. Our 9 year old guest was at a total loss as to what was going on and quickly taken off for a burger by the aforementioned teacher, describing Middlesex as absolutely useless wankers! They were all out in the 20th over for a paltry 133, which was about 50-60 under par.
Sussex took 12 off the first over bowled by some donkey trying to be an off spinner (even I, an old SBCC 2ndXI 'dasher' fancied my chances of picking up at least 20 an over off that dross'). Whereupon another marketing message was obviously rushed out to the middle ' for f..cks sake slow down, we are nowhere near our targets!' Sussex obligingly reigned themselves in and ambled to a ludicrously easy 7 wicket victory with 5 overs to spare, by which time 'teacher' and a bemused 9 year old had already left muttering more obscenities about useless wankers!
Can TGJM please try and explain as to what he thinks Middlesex Management and coaching staff are doing serving up such pitiful performances. The general public aren't complete mugs and will soon realise it is all a marketing 'con' and stay away. Shouldn't they sack the lot and invest in youth and some overseas players who would at least know and understand how T20 is played? I'm not booking up for the Surrey game. Over to you TGJM!
I replied
Since surprisingly winning the T20 at the Rose Bowl several years ago Middlesex have been totally useless at T20 except when Stirling hits a purple patch. In general they seem to use it as a try out and never put out a full side. This week Sandhu and Podmore were the only quicks selected. This policy which has patently failed also seems a fraud on the punters such as your family who pay astronomic sums to go along and expect to see something memorable. I don't need to tell you what action you should take....
and then TGJM chipped in
Interesting correspondence. I am afraid I can throw no light on T20 matters, having never attended one nor watched on television and I have no intention of doing so. I am not keen on these very short cricket matches, but it is really all the associated razzamatazz and bollocks (plus crowds that are large, noisy and ignorant) that puts me off going. Sorry I cannot add any wisdom, all I know is that Middlesex are crap at T20 and it does not really bother me.
Richmond Matters
It is getting harder and harder to find championship cricket to watch in the summer and even when you do it could turn out to be day four when you think you have found day one or two. And so instead of travelling to Horsham, the Aegeas Bowl or Canterbury for what might turn out to be little play I decided to meet up with the Great Jack Morgan at Richmond for Day Three of the Middlesex IIs match against Sussex for our annual meeting to review all essential matters.
This looked a good bet at the beginning of the week with poor weather forecast on Tuesday and Wednesday but there was enough play for the game to be substantially over by Wednesday night. Indeed it would have been if Zaidi had not made 78 not out taking Sussex into a small lead. Sussex’s first innings deficit had been 151 and they had been undone in their second innings by the Australian leg spinner, Sowter.
I arrived first and although it was intermittently sunny there was a stiff breeze which made it difficult to decide precisely what jackets and body warmers to take on and off. Jack soon arrived and he barged his way through the crowd (there were three other spectators) to take up his customary position behind the bowlers arm next to the sightscreen.
The Great Jack Morgan in pole position at Richmond
Last season at Old Trafford I complained that it was difficult to work out who the players were since they were all wearing sweaters obscuring their shirt numbers and were also wearing caps which hampered facial recognition. But this was easy peasy compared to Richmond. Jack had been at the first two days and his scorecard was littered with hieroglyphics attempting to identify the players. Only the contracted players are allocated numbers but they may or may not be wearing their own shirts and of course could be obscuring the number with a sweater. The trialists have no numbers and most of them look as if they should still be in short trousers. Oh and players can be taken at a moments notice to slot into the first eleven only to be replaced by even lesser known participants. And there are no public address system announcements. So I had the benefit of sitting next to the only person in the ground who knew who was who including quite possibly the team management and scorers.
Sussex started at 204 for 8 with Zaidi and Hatchett at the crease. Zaidi is 34 and a Pakistani who has been round the block. He clearly fancied a hundred and was disgusted when Hatchett tamely looped a Sowter full toss to mid-off. Enough was enough and the last man Whittingham was given explicit instructions as to how he was to conduct himself at the crease. The principal among these were to keep Zaidi on strike and not get out when he faced the bowling. Zaidi clearly still didn’t really trust him and started slapping the bowling about at will. When Whittingham was struck on the pads in front of all three Zaidi had reached 114 and the Middlesex target was 107.
Middlesex’ openers were the South African, Eskinazi, and the Australian, Steel. Steel had made a hundred in the first innings and started as if he was just carrying on. But the longer he batted the harder it got and he eventually holed out tamely. Eskinazi also got out but Ryan Higgins, who is little more than half the 6’ 5” he is attributed with in Who’s Who, started slogging it to all parts as if he had a train to catch at lunchtime. If that was the case he would have made it comfortably and the players left the pitch on the dot of lunch with a Middlesex victory in the bag.
Jack and I were left to tuck into our respective lunches and we prolonged our learned discussions until 2.30 when we decided to leave the ground. It was early but it could have been worse, we might have been leaving Arundel.
King Cricket Matters
Ged writes:
It was the last day of the cricket season and I was working that day – mostly from home. I got urgent stuff out of the way first thing, with a view to going to the gym mid to late morning, ahead of my one meeting of the day. I was hoping to catch some of the match at the gym while I toiled.
My plans to follow the match at the gym were confounded two-fold. Firstly, the seemingly endless gym refurbishment had moved on to the corner where the Sky equipment is kept, so there was no Sky Sports on the screens.
“No matter,” I thought. “I can still hear the game on the Freeview radio channel.” I switched to channel 706. The screen said, “Cricket – Lancashire v Middlesex,” but the sound was golf commentary. I tried some channel hopping and stuff but to no avail – golf on two BBC bloke channels and cricket on none – what was going on? It took about 10 minutes for someone to announce that they were broadcasting the golf in the cricket slot because there was rain and early lunch at Old Trafford.
My exercise completed, I went on to my one meeting of the day, which was lunch with Jessica – a journalist friend and neighbour of mine. We met through comedy writing “back in the day”. She wanted to pick my brains about economics and finance, as she has been commissioned to give a talk to a bunch of German bankers, in German, on “whither finance?” or some such topic.
Jessica had offered to cook me lunch for this small slice of my brain, which seemed like a decent deal given the lack of inconvenience involved – I walk past her place on the way to and from the gym. I informed her that nobody has any idea where the world of economics and finance is going, but some people are deluded enough to think that they do know what is going on. I also suggested that she relentlessly bash French bankers when talking to German bankers in London, much as I would advise her to bash German bankers if she were giving the talk to French bankers in London. This limited but sage advice was apparently plenty to justify a rather splendid home cooked lunch, centred around a very tasty chicken pie.
Rather than venture straight home, I checked the score and thought I had better get some grub in for after-theatre supper this evening, so I looped around via Big Al DeLarge’s place to get some posh nosh – Daisy should expect nothing less. I tried to banter with Big Al about the cricket match, but he was unaware of it. Once I explained the context and current match position, he said that he would follow the match on the radio for the rest of the day. Still, he seemed more pre-occupied with the impending fate of his beloved Burnley FC and suggested, surprisingly cheerily, that relegation battles had become the story of his sporting life.
Home via the dry cleaners to collect my clean clobber from Irma la Douce. I don’t think Irma is into cricket and today didn’t seem the right day to broach the subject for the first time. Through my front door and on with the TV, but with so much to do and so little time left in the afternoon in which to do it, I thought I had better go straight up to the office and get work stuff done now, before the denouement of the match possibly became unavoidably thrilling.
It was hard to concentrate on work during this part of the day but I did my best, keeping half an eye on the Cricinfo score ticker. By the time I was ready for another break and went down for a cuppa, Charles Colvile was waffling on about some minor details of match post mortem, as the game had ended.
Daisy and I had been very much looking forward to theatre and after-theatre supper all week – indeed both proved to be excellent. But, as I said to Daisy when she arrived at the flat before the play, I’d probably had enough drama for one day already.
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