GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 109
January 2012
Googlies Awards
Tiredness Award – This goes for the third year running to KP who has yet again exhausted himself in his tireless efforts to entertain. After playing seven innings this season everyone agreed that he needed an extensive well deserved rest and so he buggared off into oblivion for the one dayers against India. Michael Henderson, who turns out to be an even bigger fan of his than Lord Ray, suggests in the December Cricketer that it is time that England let him go to the rest home he so obviously craves. However, there are still some who want to see him play and he has kindly agreed to the following terms with Team England for next season:
1. He will get a pre season break. (Surely he gets this automatically?)
2. He will be allowed a three week mid season holiday.
3. He will be able to claim a five-day anytime break if he begins to feel jaded in any way during the season.
4. He will no longer have to field in five-day matches and will be allowed a substitute fielder for all but the power plays in ODIs.
5. He is excused from playing in any demeaning county cricket.
His team mates were hoping that he would be granted a runner when he is batting but a change in the laws seem to have scuppered what was generally considered to be a beneficial development.
Silly Bowling Award – This goes to Surrey’s very own Nancy Boy, Jade Dernbach. This Ducky who sports two earrings has been wrongly classified in the cricketing almanacs. He is not a fast bowler but is actually a very poor medium pacer who bowls the occasional very quick delivery. Once batsmen cotton onto this he will have to abandon his collection of uncontrolled “slower” balls and decide whether he wants to be a serious bowler or not. If batsmen continue to allow him to bowl the rinse he generally serves up he will be tempted to go further down the dreadful path he has already set foot on. He is already bowling the slower bouncer that bounces several times on its way through to the keeper. It will soon have a more ridiculous version that bounces several times before it reaches the batsman. Indeed he could dispense with his run up completely and go for underarm grubbers that don’t bounce at all.
Greatest Player of his Generation Award – This goes to the extraordinary Virendar Sehwag. Sehwag is always injured and so his phenomenal batting achievements (highest ODI score, two test triple centuries etc.) need to be recognized in the context that he is either coming back from injury, in the process of getting injured or about to be imminently injured. As if this were not a big enough handicap he performs his feats whilst abandoning all the conventional wisdoms of batting. The most significant of these is a complete lack of foot movement. Most pundits would not give him a hope of reaching double figures in club cricket as he stands motionless at the crease and swats at the ball when it is bowled to him. A few years back he invented the middle of the bat upper cut for six over third man which suited his static style perfectly. However, a review of the highlights of one of his innings reveals scoring shots all-round the wicket made with minimal, if any, foot movement. Sehwag must have the greatest hand eye coordination in the history of the game.
Premiership Player of the Season Award – This goes to Joey Barton. Formerly one of the Premiership’s most hated players he immediately was forgiven all his past misdemeanors when he joined the Rangers. Predictably he rapidly clocked up the requisite number of yellow cards to earn himself an early season rest (another option for KP) but he has so far avoided a red card and not committed GBH on the field of play. He displayed some of his old characteristics at the final whistle at Molyneux but in general is acquiring elder statesman status. Maybe the leadership requirements of club captaincy are having a calming effect on him. There were no other candidates for this award. Joey warned them off.
Mr. Nice Guy Award – This award is also known as the Andy Gray Award amongst the knowing literati. Former winners include Eric Cantona for drop kicking a spectator and Ron Atkinson for his work in developing relationships with emerging nations. This year it goes to the diffident, self-effacing England and Chelsea captain John Terry who has the effrontery to think anyone believes he is innocent of racist taunts.
Out and About with the Professor There are people in this world, I am told, who enjoy something called “gardening”. I don’t count myself among them. I’m very happy to sit in a garden or look at a garden or, at a pinch, discuss what might go in a garden, but the rest – the interminable gardening programmes on TV and radio, those dreary garden centres, the grubby fingered “experts” – I think that is all best avoided. Possibly having tutored the appropriately named Bob Flowerdew many years’ ago has coloured my view, or perhaps the fact that the only plant I have any idea how to grow is grass, and that as a result of several vacation jobs in the 1960s as assistant to the Shepherds Bush Cricket Club groundsman. For whatever reason…I’m not that keen.
But happily lots of people are and so the nation abounds in all sorts of gardens: front, back, side, roof, sunken, etc, etc. I was pondering all this when I was looking at the front garden of a house in a nearby village. The front garden is, of course, the one that confronts the world; that tells us what the householder wants us to think about them. I imagine there is a considerable sociological literature about it all. Mostly they are unremarkable, neat and tidy to varying degrees, but what about this!
I have driven past this house numerous times but have never seen the garden that lay behind the hedge. This Christmas I was out walking (an activity that is, apparently, “good for me”) and peered over the hedge to see this most magnificent of front gardens. Each of the players is about 9inches high, both the outfield and the “strip” are artificial (a sensible precaution in North Yorkshire allowing play to be continuous and eliminating the need for “gardening” of any sort), and the house doubles as a pavilion, scoreboard, and bar. The captain, as can be seen, has set a run-saving field – as befits the parsimonious instincts of the true Yorkshireman and the gate to the house bears a large wrought-iron white Yorkshire rose, should there be any lingering doubts about allegiances.
What did I do now, having seen this masterpiece? You know what I did. I knocked on the door and made the acquaintance of the splendid Mr Braithwate. Mr B, it would be fair to say, is a bit of a cricket fan. He doesn’t play anymore (bad knees…who hasn’t?) so he just spends every waking moment watching, thinking or talking about cricket (I gained the impression that I was not exactly the first person to have knocked on his door to admire his garden).
What did he think of the last season?
“Rubbish”
What? The Ashes retained by thrashing the Aussies?
“Oh aye, that were all reet”
Victory in both home series by large margins?
“Aye”
Bowling out Sri Lanka for 82?
“Aye, that were good”
Double hundreds for Cook, Bell and Pietersen?
“Aye, that ‘n all. Mind that Pietersen’s a bit of a flash bogger”
So, I suppose it was the county results you didn’t much like?
“You can say that again”
Did you go to Headingley much during the season?
“Aye. I turned up more often than sum as them as were playin’”
I suppose the worst moment of the season for you was when Yorkshire were relegated?
“Second worst”
Umm, I think I might just be able to guess the worst…the white rose on the gate is a bit of a give away isn’t it?
“’Happen it is at that. One o’ me best mates comes from over t’ Pennines (I don’t like to use the “L” word) and ‘es not stopped crowing for months. Says its “pay-back” time for all the jip I’ve given ‘im over t’ years”
And did you?
“No, ‘es exaggerating’. I might a mentioned, once or twice like, that ‘is lot ‘adn’t won t’ Championship since Pontius was a pilot…but that were all”.
Umm…sounds like it might be a difficult year coming up.
“Me mate thinks I should buy ‘im a pint every time we meet up…just to apologise.”
I suspect you won’t be doing that.
“Aye, if ‘e thinks that ‘e can think on - but I’ll buy you one if we get promotion!”
A free drink offer!
From a Yorkshireman!
Roll on September!
Middlesex Matters
The Great Jack Morgan has been keeping an eye on developments at Lords and Radlett
The rumour is that Middlesex will have six out of eight Championship matches at Lord's next season and the favourite for the other two would be Uxbridge. I doubt that Richmond would get a four-dayer and Southgate has been out of favour recently. Middlesex had been looking for other alternatives, but now there are worrying rumours about playing at Radlett (especially as it is outside London and would not be subject to the Olympic ban), but surely it could not be ready for first class cricket next year?
I think Middlesex will go for more green wickets at home and hope to get by with four seamers plus Rayner, but this will not work when the oppos prepare a bunsen: there may not be many of these, but do not rule it out when Middlesex are the visitors! I agree that a Lancashire SLA would be handy, but Keedy has just signed a new contract, Kerrigan would not be released, which leaves Steve Parry, who looked useful to me, but I have only seen him in the 2s.
J Simpson has signed an extended contract with Middlesex and R Patel is available for the whole of next season, having postponed his return to Loughborough until 2012... and I would guess he might not go back at all. A Rossington has extended his contract by one year. Tim Murtagh is BBC Radio London's Cricketer of the Year.
Gus says that no Middlesex player was on a six figure salary in 2011 (i.e. since Shah's departure), but it is at least four years since we heard that Owais was on £120k so this is slightly surprising especially as we have brought in one or two class players recently. Derbyshire are known to be poor payers so we probably did not have to break the bank to lure CJLR away, but I do not think that Sussex are in the same bracket, so they were underpaying Corey, I suppose?
V Codrington is stressing that, in Middlesex’s discussions with D Morgan, they made it clear that they thought sixteen Championship matches were essential and that more T20 was not the way forward. It is getting embarrassing to be called Morgan. The first match in 2012 is at Durham MCCU on Saturday 31st March. Is this the price of keeping Championship matches?
2011 Twenty20 Quarter Finals
I’m not a big fan of T20 because the games are rarely much of a contest but these were exceptional.
Leicester v Kent
Denly and Key started sedately but when van Jaarsveld joined Azar Leicestershire could do nothing to stem the onslaught. Their attack admittedly held no terrors and their only potential star, the veteran Henderson, was immediately targeted when he came on. Azar was out in the last over having made 91 from 52 balls and van Jaarsveld was undefeated on 63 from 32 balls. Kent made 203 for 3 and only five sides have chased down over 200 in the history of this form of the game.
No one gave Leicestershire much hope and one wondered how they had reached this stage of the competition. Cobb got them off to a good start, but was soon out, as was Jefferson. Du Toit played some good shots in company with the Australian captain, McDonald. They were actually ahead of the rate when the teams went off for a rain break at 63 for 2. In the first over when they returned Wahab bowled four wides and Leicester were underway again. Du Toit holed out for 24 and James Taylor the Lions captain made a quick 22 before holing out as well. Then McDonald fell for 53 and Leicestershire seemed to be wobbling but Razzaq did what he does best and clubbed some enormous sixes before falling for 27. It became apparent that Leicestershire could actually win but much would depend on Nico playing his final game at Grace Road. I have been no fan of this loud mouthed clown over the years but for once he batted sensibly and aggressively without resorting to the reverse sweep. He was out in the penultimate over but there was no stopping the home side now and they won with a comfortable four balls to spare. Kent couldn’t believe it particularly after how well they had batted. Maybe the lesson they should learn is that on a good wicket you have to score big from the first over. Another ten from their power play would probably have won them the game.
Nottinghamshire v Somerset
The pundits all fancied Notts to win as they were unbeaten at Trent Bridge this season. But their innings after winning the toss never got into overdrive. Hales made an impressive 78 but no one else made a significant contribution. Chris Read, as is his wont, scurried and slogged around at the end of the innings and his side closed at 169 for 5. Somerset lost Trescothick, Trego and Hildreth in reaching 81 and then Kieswetter who made 49 at 106. They had also fallen behind the rate at this stage and needed 64 from five overs. What followed was as impressive a display of hitting as anyone could wish to see. First Pollard started his assault with effortless blows into the top deck of the new stand and then an even bigger one over square leg. He further irritates bowlers after hitting them for 100 yards plus by making not even a notional pretence on starting a run.
The good news for England fans is the preponderance of exceptional youngsters queuing up to get into the England side. Joss Buttler is still only 20 and I have extolled his virtues before. On this occasion his fourth delivery was bowled by sometime England man Pattinson at 89mph. It was a good length outside the off stump. Buttler skipped across and flicked it over fine leg for six. As if to confirm that this was not a fluke he repeated the shot twice more in his innings of 34 not out from 14 balls. Pollard made 47 not out from 25 balls. Their partnership was 66 from 26 balls. It is hard to establish what score this Somerset side could not chase. On this occasion they still had Suppiah, Meschede and Gregory waiting to come in.
Hampshire v Durham
Everyone was agreed before a ball was bowled that this was going to be a spin out. This must have extended to the teams as they both selected three spinners. Hampshire got off to a stuttering start but McKenzie played a master class in technique on a difficult wicket and with Ervine and Dawson chipping in Hampshire reached thirty over par at 154 for 6. Durham clearly believed this and never looked likely to threaten. They probably feared Afridi and Tahir but they so had the willies that it was almost all over before they came on as Briggs took 5 for 19 from his four overs. Durham looked beaten throughout and lost by the ridiculous margin of 55 runs.
Sussex v Lancashire
I didn’t see much of this match but again found myself puzzled as to why Lancashire who won the game were having such a good season. It must come down to the role of Peter Moores. When he was at Sussex he won county championships through a team effort but substantially based on contributions from the captain, Chris Adams, and even more importantly from Mushtaq Ahmed who played full seasons and took over a hundred wickets on a couple of occasions. However, there are no such stand out performers at Old Trafford and although the bowling does a reasonable job it is hard to see how the batting can ever post a challenging score. I was impressed by Paul Horton a couple of years ago but he has done little of note since. However, in the previous week he had twice made big scores to beat Gloucestershire in the forty over competition and topped scored again in this match. Goodwin was hurt whilst fielding and when Sussex batted none of the senior players stood up to be counted and Lancashire won easily.
Bill Edmunds and others
During 2011 I heard from Bill Edmunds for the first time since 1966. Bill played in the year sides at Danes and played representative football for London Schools. However, he only emerged as a cricketer in the sixth form when he developed into a sufficiently competent player to bat and bowl for the first eleven. He told me that he is still addicted to cricket and has scored almost 24,000 runs for Odiham and Greywell. This struck me as rather a lot. I first played at South Hampstead in 1963 and if I were still playing in 2011 and had scored 500 runs in each of those forty-eight seasons I would just about have equalled it. This was a horrifying thought since I haven’t played seriously since 1981. Nevertheless Bob Peach tells me that the club’s star player in 2011 was a year older than me, none other than Alvin Kallicharan.
Bill played a few games at South Hampstead in the mid sixties alongside other potential recruits from duCane Road including Bob Harvey and Roger Kingdon. However, my only long-term success was Bob Cozens who after changing bowling styles became a successful first team slow left armer in the seventies and eighties.
1966 and all that at Milverton Road
1965 was the last season that cricket was played at South Hampstead using the old pavilion. Plans had been drawn up for its replacement by a modern structure and in the spring of 1966 a working party gathered to strip the old building of useful timber and other effects.
The old pavilion
I am able to bring readers a number of photos of this group many of whom look to be dressed inappropriately for any form of manual labour.
Jon Matthews, Bill Groves, Eric Sharp, Harry Collins, Stan Richards, Flo Brooman, Norman Robertson and Bob Peach.
Tony Hawdon, Roy Dodson, Harry Collins, Jack Wilson, Stan Richards, Flo Brooman, Norman Robertson and Audrey Hawdon
Once the season started the players changed in wooden huts that were erected at the other end of the ground in front of the tennis courts. This photo shows one of the huts in the background.
Cyril “Tubby” Peach, Harold Stubbs, Bob Denly, Don Wallis, Jon Matthews, John Weale, Terry Cordaroy, Audrey Hawdon
Robin Ager, Len Stubbs, Bob Peach, Roy Phipps and Bruce Tutton.
Winter Quiz
b. Send your captain and manager into the opposition dressing room and demand Rights of Empire.
c. Claim an empirical victory when farcically the Spirit of Cricket is proclaimed the winner.
b. He looks a complete scruff with his shirt hanging out
c. I didn’t know that he can bowl as well
d. So what if he did hit sixteen sixes in a first class innings. Who says he could repeat it in T20?
e. We’ve got enough left-handers already.
b. Appealing for LBW when you know the batsman hit the ball first.
c. Appealing for a run out when you have broken the wicket first before you had the ball in your hands.
d. Appealing for a catch when you think it “might” have hit the ground before you caught it.
e. Pretending that you haven’t touched the boundary whilst making a stop in the outfield.
f. Deliberately running on the central area of the wicket.
g. Abusing the umpire because you don’t agree with his decision.
h. Coming off for bad light as soon as the sun goes behind a cloud.
b. Explain that you like to watch cricket, not participate in an out of control stag party.
c. Say that you don’t know the words to any of their songs.
d. Say your Union Jack is at the cleaners.
e. Say that your doctor has advised against alcohol poisoning.
b. Get the Australian to captain the side.
c. Look very closely at Lancashire’s tactics, including venues and surfaces, in 2011.
d. Tell Tim Murtagh that he is going to have to bowl even more overs than he did last season.
e. Find yourselves a spinner who will win you at least a couple of matches in August. If you can’t use an overseas player Lancashire have loads of spares.
b. Link the games up to some mindless TV talent show.
c. Get Henry Blofeld to do the commentary. This would serve the additional and prime objective of getting him off TMS.
d. Arrange for some public humiliations of almost anybody in the games arena before and daily during the games.
e. Tell the press that they will not be allowed to report on them. They will make such a fuss that it will be headline news even if the Euro goes bust.
Twelfth Man Matters The professor sent me this last summer
Three of the current group of young men on the "groundstaff" at Lord's are (or were until very recently) Welwyn Garden City members. One of them, Eddie Ballard, fielded in the Test against India. I saw him on Saturday and asked what it was like, "Great" came the monosyllabic "youth" reply.
I probed a little further: "Were you just a tad nervous, Eddie?"
"No I weren't nervous...I was bleedin' petrified"
"Well, I suppose it must be pretty daunting fielding on the boundary in front of a packed stand knowing that millions are watching on TV."
"Oh that bit was all right - it was when they put me at mid-on that I was shittin' meself"
"Why so?"
"Well Swann was bowlin'"
"And?"
"And Tendulkar was battin'"
"And?"
"And I kept thinkin' that if 'e works it to leg - and lets face it 'es bloody brilliant at doing that - and 'e doesn't keep it on the floor, and I shell it, then the only thing I will ever be known for doing on a professional cricket field is dropping Sachin Bloody Tendulkar"
He didn't of course, and from what I saw performed the subs role very effectively; but I think we can all recognise the anxiety - there can't be too many G&C readers who in similar circumstances would not also have had a rumbling in the bowels department. Well done Eddie!
The Story of O
The Great Jack Morgan reports from Wimbledon
James Tomlinson won the toss in the Second XI Championship match between Surrey and Hampshire at Wimbledon Park and soon saw twenty year old Aussie Shaun Terry (son of Paul) putting his team in a strong position with some assistance from 18 year old Chris Stone (39 off 50 balls). However, when Terry fell for 101 off 148 balls at 203 for 3, only an attractive 51 off 45 balls by 19 year old Tim Ravenscroft, from Guernsey, prevented a dire collapse before an eighth wicket stand of 54 between South African pace bowler Friedel de Wet (30 off 28 balls), who once signed for Middlesex but was not allowed to play and 19 year old leg spinner Jamie Miller (30*) allowed Hants to declare at 352 for 8. One interesting point was that someone called JWJ Bransgrove made 1* at no 10 for Hampshire and thereafter contributed only fielding skills.
The Surrey pace bowlers were quite erratic and 20 year old Tom Jewell (4 for 60) was easily the best of them, while 19 year old slow left armer Fred van den Bergh was a steadying influence with 2 for 35. The Surrey batting was rather ordinary and Gary Wilson (60) was the only batsman to show the necessary application as the Hants spinners Shane Warne clone Miller (4 for 55) and off-spinner O "Big Fella" Makin (3 for 57) bowled them out for an undistinguished 201, thereby failing to avoid the follow on. Hampshire chose not to enforce however and runs from Terry (50), the highly impressive Ravenscroft (68 off 55 balls), 19 year old Zimbabwean keeper Adam Rouse (38), De Wet (39 off 37 balls) and, making a late appearance in the match, Benny Howell (one of the few French cricketers on the circuit) with 30* off 15 balls, enabled the visitors to close on 269 for 8 and set Surrey 421 to win. Did I mention that the Surrey seamers were erratic? Witness this sample of four consecutive deliveries from Matt Dunn to Hants' opener Hamza Riazuddin near the start of their second innings: ball 1, four wides down the leg side; ball 2, four wides down the leg side; ball 3, four wides down the off side; ball 4, excellent fast lifter that has Riazuddin caught by captain Chris Jordan at first slip! Dunny, however, did finish with 4 for 73 off 14 overs.
Opener Rory Burns (who shared keeping duties with Wilson and also took a rare wicket with his medium pace) batted soundly for 42, but the innings was dominated by a praiseworthy 107 off 151 balls by Matt Spriegel, the only problems here being that Hants were beside themselves with rage that he had been given not out when they were absolutely convinced that they twice had him caught at silly mid off during Makin's excellent spell. Jewell made a thoroughly entertaining 74 from 70 balls, but there was not much else for Surrey to enthuse about as the chunky off-spinner Makin had a field day, spinning Surrey out for 285 with 8 for 86 (in contrast to Miller's 0 for 114) and 11 for 143 in 48 overs in the match as Surrey fell to 285 all out and defeat by 135 runs. I have been able to find no information whatsoever about Makin and we do not even know his first name...so "Big Fella" it is!
There was an embarrassing incident for Surrey on day 3 as captain Jordan and coach Martin Bicknell revealed their ignorance of the rules of Second XI cricket by trying to sneak Chris Schofield (who had been in Surrey's nominated 12 players, but had taken no part in the match through illness) in to bat when they had already used the eleven batters that are allowed in the match in their first innings. Although Gary Wilson seemed to be acquainted with the rules, Jordan and Bicknell were not going to take any notice of a Northern Irish wicket keeper and argued strenuously with the umpires, who remained unmoved of course and Schofield went back home to bed. Bicknell was still unhappy, however, and marched determinedly round the boundary to confront Hants' coach Jon Ayling, but Ayling knew the rules and explained that their late inclusion of Howell in their second innings was entirely legal because he was both included in the original 12 and eligible to bat because they had taken care to ensure that they used only ten batters in their first innings.
Red Mist matters
One of the many disappointments of the Indian tour last summer was the absence of Virender Sehwag from the initial stages and his failure subsequently to show anything more than a glimmer of his prodigious talent. When Tendulkar reached 200 not out in an ODI in the fiftieth over there was doubt whether this feat could be repeated. Well if any player was likely to do it it was Sehwag. Against the West Indies he was dismissed for 219 in the forty seventh over. He scored his runs from 149 balls and hit seven sixes and twenty five fours along the way. As usual he did it by hitting the ball in the middle of the bat and without foot movement. Only Ali Brown (268) and Graeme Pollock (222*) have played bigger innings in one day cricket.
A couple of days later Kieron Pollard came to the wicket at 36 for 4 and played a rare substantial innings and by some way his largest in international cricket. Pollard is an enormous man who mixes blocking with minimal effort clean hitting. His clean hitting takes the ball over both the infield and outfield and deposits the ball in the upper decks or on the roofs of the spectator stands. He hit ten sixes and just four fours in an innings of 119. Sadly despite his efforts he found himself on the losing side.
Molloy Matters
Ken Molloy sends this greeting to all readers
Googlies and Chinamen
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James Sharp
Broad Lee House
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Tel & fax: 01298 70237
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An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 109
January 2012
Googlies Awards
Tiredness Award – This goes for the third year running to KP who has yet again exhausted himself in his tireless efforts to entertain. After playing seven innings this season everyone agreed that he needed an extensive well deserved rest and so he buggared off into oblivion for the one dayers against India. Michael Henderson, who turns out to be an even bigger fan of his than Lord Ray, suggests in the December Cricketer that it is time that England let him go to the rest home he so obviously craves. However, there are still some who want to see him play and he has kindly agreed to the following terms with Team England for next season:
1. He will get a pre season break. (Surely he gets this automatically?)
2. He will be allowed a three week mid season holiday.
3. He will be able to claim a five-day anytime break if he begins to feel jaded in any way during the season.
4. He will no longer have to field in five-day matches and will be allowed a substitute fielder for all but the power plays in ODIs.
5. He is excused from playing in any demeaning county cricket.
His team mates were hoping that he would be granted a runner when he is batting but a change in the laws seem to have scuppered what was generally considered to be a beneficial development.
Silly Bowling Award – This goes to Surrey’s very own Nancy Boy, Jade Dernbach. This Ducky who sports two earrings has been wrongly classified in the cricketing almanacs. He is not a fast bowler but is actually a very poor medium pacer who bowls the occasional very quick delivery. Once batsmen cotton onto this he will have to abandon his collection of uncontrolled “slower” balls and decide whether he wants to be a serious bowler or not. If batsmen continue to allow him to bowl the rinse he generally serves up he will be tempted to go further down the dreadful path he has already set foot on. He is already bowling the slower bouncer that bounces several times on its way through to the keeper. It will soon have a more ridiculous version that bounces several times before it reaches the batsman. Indeed he could dispense with his run up completely and go for underarm grubbers that don’t bounce at all.
Greatest Player of his Generation Award – This goes to the extraordinary Virendar Sehwag. Sehwag is always injured and so his phenomenal batting achievements (highest ODI score, two test triple centuries etc.) need to be recognized in the context that he is either coming back from injury, in the process of getting injured or about to be imminently injured. As if this were not a big enough handicap he performs his feats whilst abandoning all the conventional wisdoms of batting. The most significant of these is a complete lack of foot movement. Most pundits would not give him a hope of reaching double figures in club cricket as he stands motionless at the crease and swats at the ball when it is bowled to him. A few years back he invented the middle of the bat upper cut for six over third man which suited his static style perfectly. However, a review of the highlights of one of his innings reveals scoring shots all-round the wicket made with minimal, if any, foot movement. Sehwag must have the greatest hand eye coordination in the history of the game.
Premiership Player of the Season Award – This goes to Joey Barton. Formerly one of the Premiership’s most hated players he immediately was forgiven all his past misdemeanors when he joined the Rangers. Predictably he rapidly clocked up the requisite number of yellow cards to earn himself an early season rest (another option for KP) but he has so far avoided a red card and not committed GBH on the field of play. He displayed some of his old characteristics at the final whistle at Molyneux but in general is acquiring elder statesman status. Maybe the leadership requirements of club captaincy are having a calming effect on him. There were no other candidates for this award. Joey warned them off.
Mr. Nice Guy Award – This award is also known as the Andy Gray Award amongst the knowing literati. Former winners include Eric Cantona for drop kicking a spectator and Ron Atkinson for his work in developing relationships with emerging nations. This year it goes to the diffident, self-effacing England and Chelsea captain John Terry who has the effrontery to think anyone believes he is innocent of racist taunts.
Out and About with the Professor There are people in this world, I am told, who enjoy something called “gardening”. I don’t count myself among them. I’m very happy to sit in a garden or look at a garden or, at a pinch, discuss what might go in a garden, but the rest – the interminable gardening programmes on TV and radio, those dreary garden centres, the grubby fingered “experts” – I think that is all best avoided. Possibly having tutored the appropriately named Bob Flowerdew many years’ ago has coloured my view, or perhaps the fact that the only plant I have any idea how to grow is grass, and that as a result of several vacation jobs in the 1960s as assistant to the Shepherds Bush Cricket Club groundsman. For whatever reason…I’m not that keen.
But happily lots of people are and so the nation abounds in all sorts of gardens: front, back, side, roof, sunken, etc, etc. I was pondering all this when I was looking at the front garden of a house in a nearby village. The front garden is, of course, the one that confronts the world; that tells us what the householder wants us to think about them. I imagine there is a considerable sociological literature about it all. Mostly they are unremarkable, neat and tidy to varying degrees, but what about this!
I have driven past this house numerous times but have never seen the garden that lay behind the hedge. This Christmas I was out walking (an activity that is, apparently, “good for me”) and peered over the hedge to see this most magnificent of front gardens. Each of the players is about 9inches high, both the outfield and the “strip” are artificial (a sensible precaution in North Yorkshire allowing play to be continuous and eliminating the need for “gardening” of any sort), and the house doubles as a pavilion, scoreboard, and bar. The captain, as can be seen, has set a run-saving field – as befits the parsimonious instincts of the true Yorkshireman and the gate to the house bears a large wrought-iron white Yorkshire rose, should there be any lingering doubts about allegiances.
What did I do now, having seen this masterpiece? You know what I did. I knocked on the door and made the acquaintance of the splendid Mr Braithwate. Mr B, it would be fair to say, is a bit of a cricket fan. He doesn’t play anymore (bad knees…who hasn’t?) so he just spends every waking moment watching, thinking or talking about cricket (I gained the impression that I was not exactly the first person to have knocked on his door to admire his garden).
What did he think of the last season?
“Rubbish”
What? The Ashes retained by thrashing the Aussies?
“Oh aye, that were all reet”
Victory in both home series by large margins?
“Aye”
Bowling out Sri Lanka for 82?
“Aye, that were good”
Double hundreds for Cook, Bell and Pietersen?
“Aye, that ‘n all. Mind that Pietersen’s a bit of a flash bogger”
So, I suppose it was the county results you didn’t much like?
“You can say that again”
Did you go to Headingley much during the season?
“Aye. I turned up more often than sum as them as were playin’”
I suppose the worst moment of the season for you was when Yorkshire were relegated?
“Second worst”
Umm, I think I might just be able to guess the worst…the white rose on the gate is a bit of a give away isn’t it?
“’Happen it is at that. One o’ me best mates comes from over t’ Pennines (I don’t like to use the “L” word) and ‘es not stopped crowing for months. Says its “pay-back” time for all the jip I’ve given ‘im over t’ years”
And did you?
“No, ‘es exaggerating’. I might a mentioned, once or twice like, that ‘is lot ‘adn’t won t’ Championship since Pontius was a pilot…but that were all”.
Umm…sounds like it might be a difficult year coming up.
“Me mate thinks I should buy ‘im a pint every time we meet up…just to apologise.”
I suspect you won’t be doing that.
“Aye, if ‘e thinks that ‘e can think on - but I’ll buy you one if we get promotion!”
A free drink offer!
From a Yorkshireman!
Roll on September!
Middlesex Matters
The Great Jack Morgan has been keeping an eye on developments at Lords and Radlett
The rumour is that Middlesex will have six out of eight Championship matches at Lord's next season and the favourite for the other two would be Uxbridge. I doubt that Richmond would get a four-dayer and Southgate has been out of favour recently. Middlesex had been looking for other alternatives, but now there are worrying rumours about playing at Radlett (especially as it is outside London and would not be subject to the Olympic ban), but surely it could not be ready for first class cricket next year?
I think Middlesex will go for more green wickets at home and hope to get by with four seamers plus Rayner, but this will not work when the oppos prepare a bunsen: there may not be many of these, but do not rule it out when Middlesex are the visitors! I agree that a Lancashire SLA would be handy, but Keedy has just signed a new contract, Kerrigan would not be released, which leaves Steve Parry, who looked useful to me, but I have only seen him in the 2s.
J Simpson has signed an extended contract with Middlesex and R Patel is available for the whole of next season, having postponed his return to Loughborough until 2012... and I would guess he might not go back at all. A Rossington has extended his contract by one year. Tim Murtagh is BBC Radio London's Cricketer of the Year.
Gus says that no Middlesex player was on a six figure salary in 2011 (i.e. since Shah's departure), but it is at least four years since we heard that Owais was on £120k so this is slightly surprising especially as we have brought in one or two class players recently. Derbyshire are known to be poor payers so we probably did not have to break the bank to lure CJLR away, but I do not think that Sussex are in the same bracket, so they were underpaying Corey, I suppose?
V Codrington is stressing that, in Middlesex’s discussions with D Morgan, they made it clear that they thought sixteen Championship matches were essential and that more T20 was not the way forward. It is getting embarrassing to be called Morgan. The first match in 2012 is at Durham MCCU on Saturday 31st March. Is this the price of keeping Championship matches?
2011 Twenty20 Quarter Finals
I’m not a big fan of T20 because the games are rarely much of a contest but these were exceptional.
Leicester v Kent
Denly and Key started sedately but when van Jaarsveld joined Azar Leicestershire could do nothing to stem the onslaught. Their attack admittedly held no terrors and their only potential star, the veteran Henderson, was immediately targeted when he came on. Azar was out in the last over having made 91 from 52 balls and van Jaarsveld was undefeated on 63 from 32 balls. Kent made 203 for 3 and only five sides have chased down over 200 in the history of this form of the game.
No one gave Leicestershire much hope and one wondered how they had reached this stage of the competition. Cobb got them off to a good start, but was soon out, as was Jefferson. Du Toit played some good shots in company with the Australian captain, McDonald. They were actually ahead of the rate when the teams went off for a rain break at 63 for 2. In the first over when they returned Wahab bowled four wides and Leicester were underway again. Du Toit holed out for 24 and James Taylor the Lions captain made a quick 22 before holing out as well. Then McDonald fell for 53 and Leicestershire seemed to be wobbling but Razzaq did what he does best and clubbed some enormous sixes before falling for 27. It became apparent that Leicestershire could actually win but much would depend on Nico playing his final game at Grace Road. I have been no fan of this loud mouthed clown over the years but for once he batted sensibly and aggressively without resorting to the reverse sweep. He was out in the penultimate over but there was no stopping the home side now and they won with a comfortable four balls to spare. Kent couldn’t believe it particularly after how well they had batted. Maybe the lesson they should learn is that on a good wicket you have to score big from the first over. Another ten from their power play would probably have won them the game.
Nottinghamshire v Somerset
The pundits all fancied Notts to win as they were unbeaten at Trent Bridge this season. But their innings after winning the toss never got into overdrive. Hales made an impressive 78 but no one else made a significant contribution. Chris Read, as is his wont, scurried and slogged around at the end of the innings and his side closed at 169 for 5. Somerset lost Trescothick, Trego and Hildreth in reaching 81 and then Kieswetter who made 49 at 106. They had also fallen behind the rate at this stage and needed 64 from five overs. What followed was as impressive a display of hitting as anyone could wish to see. First Pollard started his assault with effortless blows into the top deck of the new stand and then an even bigger one over square leg. He further irritates bowlers after hitting them for 100 yards plus by making not even a notional pretence on starting a run.
The good news for England fans is the preponderance of exceptional youngsters queuing up to get into the England side. Joss Buttler is still only 20 and I have extolled his virtues before. On this occasion his fourth delivery was bowled by sometime England man Pattinson at 89mph. It was a good length outside the off stump. Buttler skipped across and flicked it over fine leg for six. As if to confirm that this was not a fluke he repeated the shot twice more in his innings of 34 not out from 14 balls. Pollard made 47 not out from 25 balls. Their partnership was 66 from 26 balls. It is hard to establish what score this Somerset side could not chase. On this occasion they still had Suppiah, Meschede and Gregory waiting to come in.
Hampshire v Durham
Everyone was agreed before a ball was bowled that this was going to be a spin out. This must have extended to the teams as they both selected three spinners. Hampshire got off to a stuttering start but McKenzie played a master class in technique on a difficult wicket and with Ervine and Dawson chipping in Hampshire reached thirty over par at 154 for 6. Durham clearly believed this and never looked likely to threaten. They probably feared Afridi and Tahir but they so had the willies that it was almost all over before they came on as Briggs took 5 for 19 from his four overs. Durham looked beaten throughout and lost by the ridiculous margin of 55 runs.
Sussex v Lancashire
I didn’t see much of this match but again found myself puzzled as to why Lancashire who won the game were having such a good season. It must come down to the role of Peter Moores. When he was at Sussex he won county championships through a team effort but substantially based on contributions from the captain, Chris Adams, and even more importantly from Mushtaq Ahmed who played full seasons and took over a hundred wickets on a couple of occasions. However, there are no such stand out performers at Old Trafford and although the bowling does a reasonable job it is hard to see how the batting can ever post a challenging score. I was impressed by Paul Horton a couple of years ago but he has done little of note since. However, in the previous week he had twice made big scores to beat Gloucestershire in the forty over competition and topped scored again in this match. Goodwin was hurt whilst fielding and when Sussex batted none of the senior players stood up to be counted and Lancashire won easily.
Bill Edmunds and others
During 2011 I heard from Bill Edmunds for the first time since 1966. Bill played in the year sides at Danes and played representative football for London Schools. However, he only emerged as a cricketer in the sixth form when he developed into a sufficiently competent player to bat and bowl for the first eleven. He told me that he is still addicted to cricket and has scored almost 24,000 runs for Odiham and Greywell. This struck me as rather a lot. I first played at South Hampstead in 1963 and if I were still playing in 2011 and had scored 500 runs in each of those forty-eight seasons I would just about have equalled it. This was a horrifying thought since I haven’t played seriously since 1981. Nevertheless Bob Peach tells me that the club’s star player in 2011 was a year older than me, none other than Alvin Kallicharan.
Bill played a few games at South Hampstead in the mid sixties alongside other potential recruits from duCane Road including Bob Harvey and Roger Kingdon. However, my only long-term success was Bob Cozens who after changing bowling styles became a successful first team slow left armer in the seventies and eighties.
1966 and all that at Milverton Road
1965 was the last season that cricket was played at South Hampstead using the old pavilion. Plans had been drawn up for its replacement by a modern structure and in the spring of 1966 a working party gathered to strip the old building of useful timber and other effects.
The old pavilion
I am able to bring readers a number of photos of this group many of whom look to be dressed inappropriately for any form of manual labour.
Jon Matthews, Bill Groves, Eric Sharp, Harry Collins, Stan Richards, Flo Brooman, Norman Robertson and Bob Peach.
Tony Hawdon, Roy Dodson, Harry Collins, Jack Wilson, Stan Richards, Flo Brooman, Norman Robertson and Audrey Hawdon
Once the season started the players changed in wooden huts that were erected at the other end of the ground in front of the tennis courts. This photo shows one of the huts in the background.
Cyril “Tubby” Peach, Harold Stubbs, Bob Denly, Don Wallis, Jon Matthews, John Weale, Terry Cordaroy, Audrey Hawdon
Robin Ager, Len Stubbs, Bob Peach, Roy Phipps and Bruce Tutton.
Winter Quiz
- During an innings you decide its time for tea and so march off. The fielding side run you out and the umpire confirms this decision. What do you do?
b. Send your captain and manager into the opposition dressing room and demand Rights of Empire.
c. Claim an empirical victory when farcically the Spirit of Cricket is proclaimed the winner.
- When asked why you have not recruited Jesse Ryder as your overseas T20 player which of the following excuses do you adopt?
b. He looks a complete scruff with his shirt hanging out
c. I didn’t know that he can bowl as well
d. So what if he did hit sixteen sixes in a first class innings. Who says he could repeat it in T20?
e. We’ve got enough left-handers already.
- The Spirit of Cricket is a wonderful and much admired thing. Rank the following in your own personal order of what most evokes it.
b. Appealing for LBW when you know the batsman hit the ball first.
c. Appealing for a run out when you have broken the wicket first before you had the ball in your hands.
d. Appealing for a catch when you think it “might” have hit the ground before you caught it.
e. Pretending that you haven’t touched the boundary whilst making a stop in the outfield.
f. Deliberately running on the central area of the wicket.
g. Abusing the umpire because you don’t agree with his decision.
h. Coming off for bad light as soon as the sun goes behind a cloud.
- You are invited to join the Barmy Army for a day on the West Terrace at Headingley. What excuse do you use to politely decline their offer?
b. Explain that you like to watch cricket, not participate in an out of control stag party.
c. Say that you don’t know the words to any of their songs.
d. Say your Union Jack is at the cleaners.
e. Say that your doctor has advised against alcohol poisoning.
- You receive an unexpected conference call from Neil Dexter and Vinny Codrington who seek your advice on captaincy in next season’s first division of the County Championship. What do you tell them?
b. Get the Australian to captain the side.
c. Look very closely at Lancashire’s tactics, including venues and surfaces, in 2011.
d. Tell Tim Murtagh that he is going to have to bowl even more overs than he did last season.
e. Find yourselves a spinner who will win you at least a couple of matches in August. If you can’t use an overseas player Lancashire have loads of spares.
- Lord Coe asks for your advice on how to generate some interest in the 2012 Olympics, since in his words, “nobody seems to give a shit”. How do you reply?
b. Link the games up to some mindless TV talent show.
c. Get Henry Blofeld to do the commentary. This would serve the additional and prime objective of getting him off TMS.
d. Arrange for some public humiliations of almost anybody in the games arena before and daily during the games.
e. Tell the press that they will not be allowed to report on them. They will make such a fuss that it will be headline news even if the Euro goes bust.
Twelfth Man Matters The professor sent me this last summer
Three of the current group of young men on the "groundstaff" at Lord's are (or were until very recently) Welwyn Garden City members. One of them, Eddie Ballard, fielded in the Test against India. I saw him on Saturday and asked what it was like, "Great" came the monosyllabic "youth" reply.
I probed a little further: "Were you just a tad nervous, Eddie?"
"No I weren't nervous...I was bleedin' petrified"
"Well, I suppose it must be pretty daunting fielding on the boundary in front of a packed stand knowing that millions are watching on TV."
"Oh that bit was all right - it was when they put me at mid-on that I was shittin' meself"
"Why so?"
"Well Swann was bowlin'"
"And?"
"And Tendulkar was battin'"
"And?"
"And I kept thinkin' that if 'e works it to leg - and lets face it 'es bloody brilliant at doing that - and 'e doesn't keep it on the floor, and I shell it, then the only thing I will ever be known for doing on a professional cricket field is dropping Sachin Bloody Tendulkar"
He didn't of course, and from what I saw performed the subs role very effectively; but I think we can all recognise the anxiety - there can't be too many G&C readers who in similar circumstances would not also have had a rumbling in the bowels department. Well done Eddie!
The Story of O
The Great Jack Morgan reports from Wimbledon
James Tomlinson won the toss in the Second XI Championship match between Surrey and Hampshire at Wimbledon Park and soon saw twenty year old Aussie Shaun Terry (son of Paul) putting his team in a strong position with some assistance from 18 year old Chris Stone (39 off 50 balls). However, when Terry fell for 101 off 148 balls at 203 for 3, only an attractive 51 off 45 balls by 19 year old Tim Ravenscroft, from Guernsey, prevented a dire collapse before an eighth wicket stand of 54 between South African pace bowler Friedel de Wet (30 off 28 balls), who once signed for Middlesex but was not allowed to play and 19 year old leg spinner Jamie Miller (30*) allowed Hants to declare at 352 for 8. One interesting point was that someone called JWJ Bransgrove made 1* at no 10 for Hampshire and thereafter contributed only fielding skills.
The Surrey pace bowlers were quite erratic and 20 year old Tom Jewell (4 for 60) was easily the best of them, while 19 year old slow left armer Fred van den Bergh was a steadying influence with 2 for 35. The Surrey batting was rather ordinary and Gary Wilson (60) was the only batsman to show the necessary application as the Hants spinners Shane Warne clone Miller (4 for 55) and off-spinner O "Big Fella" Makin (3 for 57) bowled them out for an undistinguished 201, thereby failing to avoid the follow on. Hampshire chose not to enforce however and runs from Terry (50), the highly impressive Ravenscroft (68 off 55 balls), 19 year old Zimbabwean keeper Adam Rouse (38), De Wet (39 off 37 balls) and, making a late appearance in the match, Benny Howell (one of the few French cricketers on the circuit) with 30* off 15 balls, enabled the visitors to close on 269 for 8 and set Surrey 421 to win. Did I mention that the Surrey seamers were erratic? Witness this sample of four consecutive deliveries from Matt Dunn to Hants' opener Hamza Riazuddin near the start of their second innings: ball 1, four wides down the leg side; ball 2, four wides down the leg side; ball 3, four wides down the off side; ball 4, excellent fast lifter that has Riazuddin caught by captain Chris Jordan at first slip! Dunny, however, did finish with 4 for 73 off 14 overs.
Opener Rory Burns (who shared keeping duties with Wilson and also took a rare wicket with his medium pace) batted soundly for 42, but the innings was dominated by a praiseworthy 107 off 151 balls by Matt Spriegel, the only problems here being that Hants were beside themselves with rage that he had been given not out when they were absolutely convinced that they twice had him caught at silly mid off during Makin's excellent spell. Jewell made a thoroughly entertaining 74 from 70 balls, but there was not much else for Surrey to enthuse about as the chunky off-spinner Makin had a field day, spinning Surrey out for 285 with 8 for 86 (in contrast to Miller's 0 for 114) and 11 for 143 in 48 overs in the match as Surrey fell to 285 all out and defeat by 135 runs. I have been able to find no information whatsoever about Makin and we do not even know his first name...so "Big Fella" it is!
There was an embarrassing incident for Surrey on day 3 as captain Jordan and coach Martin Bicknell revealed their ignorance of the rules of Second XI cricket by trying to sneak Chris Schofield (who had been in Surrey's nominated 12 players, but had taken no part in the match through illness) in to bat when they had already used the eleven batters that are allowed in the match in their first innings. Although Gary Wilson seemed to be acquainted with the rules, Jordan and Bicknell were not going to take any notice of a Northern Irish wicket keeper and argued strenuously with the umpires, who remained unmoved of course and Schofield went back home to bed. Bicknell was still unhappy, however, and marched determinedly round the boundary to confront Hants' coach Jon Ayling, but Ayling knew the rules and explained that their late inclusion of Howell in their second innings was entirely legal because he was both included in the original 12 and eligible to bat because they had taken care to ensure that they used only ten batters in their first innings.
Red Mist matters
One of the many disappointments of the Indian tour last summer was the absence of Virender Sehwag from the initial stages and his failure subsequently to show anything more than a glimmer of his prodigious talent. When Tendulkar reached 200 not out in an ODI in the fiftieth over there was doubt whether this feat could be repeated. Well if any player was likely to do it it was Sehwag. Against the West Indies he was dismissed for 219 in the forty seventh over. He scored his runs from 149 balls and hit seven sixes and twenty five fours along the way. As usual he did it by hitting the ball in the middle of the bat and without foot movement. Only Ali Brown (268) and Graeme Pollock (222*) have played bigger innings in one day cricket.
A couple of days later Kieron Pollard came to the wicket at 36 for 4 and played a rare substantial innings and by some way his largest in international cricket. Pollard is an enormous man who mixes blocking with minimal effort clean hitting. His clean hitting takes the ball over both the infield and outfield and deposits the ball in the upper decks or on the roofs of the spectator stands. He hit ten sixes and just four fours in an innings of 119. Sadly despite his efforts he found himself on the losing side.
Molloy Matters
Ken Molloy sends this greeting to all readers
Googlies and Chinamen
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