GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 33
September 2005
Its all about the bowling
England’s recovery since the Lords debacle has been quite extraordinary although there had been a hint of what was to come there in the bowling out of the Aussies twice in three days. In baseball two sides play each other on consecutive days. One side can score ten runs one night and then the same batters fail to score at all the following day. The reason is because they are playing against a different pitcher. Cricket at the highest level is similar. The great West Indian sides of the seventies and eighties had more than useful batting but it was their four man pace attack which put relentless pressure on the batsmen. England now has the same armoury and the Aussies haven’t found a way to combat it. Only Ponting has made a hundred so far and in eight innings a piece no Aussie has scored more than two fifties.
On the other side McGrath has missed two matches through injury and these are the two that England have won. One of the great mysteries of all time must be Gillespie’s decline. The problem this has created is that Hamburger has had to be used as a stock bowler, which has reduced his attacking potential. And so on to the Oval. In this series anything can happen but if the weather stays fine there is bound to be a result and England must be favourites.
Googlies Lunch in Southend I suppose that we should all have known that the surprise Guest speaker at the Googlies Lunch in Southend would turn out to be Bill Hart. His monologue started soon after his arrival at 11.30am and finished appropriately on time as the game finished at 7pm. His diatribe, as usual, covered a wide range of topics and on occasion he generously allowed others to make a contribution, albeit small. A full transcript of his marathon will be published on a series of specially designed websites but the following will provide a flavour for those who were unfortunate enough to miss the occasion.
Bill started with some general remarks to anyone who would listen and then got into an intense one on one with Bruce Tutton that seemed to set him up for the rest of the afternoon. Having treated this as his loosener, so to speak, he then quickly got into his stride addressing the whole assembled company.
The recurrent Googlies theme of the Jazz Hat was visited and Bill informed us that he always enjoyed bowling at batsmen who sported a Jazz Hat. He said that its presence always spurred him on to greater efforts to produce life-threatening deliveries. However, he warned everyone as to the dangers of not finding out who your adversary was ahead of time. On one such occasion he and his colleagues in the quicker bowling fraternity had earmarked an effeminate looking fellow who took lunch in a pink blazer for their special attention at the crease. The Pinky subsequently turned out to be a Minor Counties quick who wreaked terrible revenge when it was his turn to bowl.
Using Bob Peach as his straight man and source of information Bill turned to asking a battery of questions about players from the fifties, sixties and seventies. It was not clear whether this was because of a sincere interest in their careers since he had encountered them or just to impress with his powers of recall over such a long period. It slowly became apparent that anyone who had played at Richmond was now, invariably, deceased. This gave birth to the new euphemism “Oh! Hadn’t you heard? He’s gone to play at Richmond”.
Bob Peach with John and Bruce Tutton
Bill warmed to the subject of professional players in the club game. In particular he recalled Ron Hooker who always had a theory about every aspect of play. On one occasion at Finchley Ron had insisted on bowling at the legs of a particular player who he had assessed would succumb to such an attack. He completed his very expensive spell with the batsman still at the crease and the ball having been retrieved repeatedly from beyond the mid wicket boundary.
Bill re-visited various themes covered on previous occasions such as the disguises worn by Messrs Stubbs and Nienow at the South Hampstead Re-union in 2004 but such repetition was easily forgiven in a presentation of this magnitude.
After interrogating John Tutton at length Bill posed the thesis to Bob Peach that he had adopted a selection policy for the first eleven in the mid sixties that required players to be available on both Saturdays and Sundays, thereby restricting John primarily to appearances for the second eleven. Although initially evasive on this matter, Bob was eventually able to recall having received correspondence from Audrey Tutton imploring him not to select John on Sundays. Bob went on to confess that he had also written to Jill Hart inviting her to take a similar stance with Bill at the same time. Bill was momentarily visibly shaken by this extraordinary revelation but was having none of it and went on to declare the topic closed with the dramatic statement “Peach, you have ruined John Tutton’s life!”
The Great Jack Morgan had impressed everyone, especially the Professor, by his adherence to Southend’s stringent dress code for the occasion. With the Professor he formed a Shepherds Bush contingency at the table and when understandably they grew a little restless and rowdy as the afternoon progressed they were firmly rebuked by Bill. He warned them in no uncertain terms not to make disparaging comments about South Hampstead. He pointed out that whilst he and his fellow vice presidents were at liberty to do so it was totally out of order for the Bush presence to participate in such activity.
The Great Jack Morgan and Allen Bruton
As the event drew to its close Bill seemed not the least bit tired from his exertions and one could only envy his son, Stephen, and grandson, William, who would no doubt be treated to further anecdotes on their journey home. But then they may have heard them before.
Out and About with the Professor The Professor ventures even further north to bring us this report
Today Judith and I took ourselves off to Scarborough for the "Festival" match: Yorkshire v Durham. The ground, if you have not been, is pretty close to the centre of town so they get very good gates from all the poor souls who go there for their holidays. Even club matches are very well attended. It had rained all morning (and a wet seaside town is not a joyful place) but it stopped raining around lunchtime and eventually the gates opened. The PA told us that there would be an inspection at 2.30 and play would start at 4.00 after an early tea. Which it did.
However, at 3.00 both sides were on the field doing their warm up routines. For Yorkshire this consists of a bit of stretching and knees-up and then a game of football. I'm not sure how playing football represents an adequate preparation for playing cricket especially since it has resulted, according to the chap sitting next to me ("Life member of both t' Scarborough and t' Yorkshire, thou knows") said that the football had resulted in four injuries this season.
But Durham's was even odder. After the stretching and writhing around on the floor for a while, they played a full-scale game of rugby league. The pitch was marked out with little plastic circles including try line and goal posts. They even kick to convert each try, with two players standing where the "posts" are marked with their arms in the air. Plunkett, for obvious reasons, is the player of choice for this role. My new life-member friend was not impressed "If they can't catch t'rugby ball, what hope 'ave they o' catchin' little un?" Quite.
More to the point, all this took place an hour before the game started. The pitch and run-ups were all, of course, covered, and so the only reason for delay was to let the outfield dry off. But they were playing rugby on that. If it was dry enough for rugby then surely it would do for cricket. "It's part o' bloody conspiracy to stop t'cricket bein' a spectator sport" (Him again). It all did seem very odd, if hardly an entry for the famous "not playing when the sun was shining" occasions of the past.
When we did get going, Durham's Australian batted very well against Yorkshire's South African. One of Yorkshire's Australians (Harvey) was also performing again, though not that well with the ball. It was interesting to see, even at his pace, Harvey bowl to the now fashionable three man leg-side field of mid-on, with square and long leg both on the fence (as seen on TV). It just meant ones and twos for Hussey when he chose. Kruis ("Top Gun" to my witty friend) looked a class bowler, as he did in the C&G last week.
Edgbaston Matters
Alan Flipper Seal could not believe his luck when his application for ten tickets to the first day of the Edgbaston test was satisfied in full. He dished them out to members of our buying group on a first come first served basis in April. I was fortunate enough to get my email back to him quickly enough to secure one of these precious pieces of card. I had not been to Edgbaston before and the seat allocation meant nothing to me. On arrival, though, I had no trouble finding my way to the Eric Hollies Stand and took my seat about an hour before the start to soak up the atmosphere.
The stand started to fill up and I was pleased to observe that there was only a minimal amount of silly clothing, although in the chill wind the guys in Crusades singlets looked inappropriately attired in more ways than one. I was probably more concerned to find that Flipper had presented the ticket for the seat next to me to Andrew “the Beast” East, who is one of the more extrovert members of our group.
Andrew “the Beast” East in the Eric Hollies Stand at Edgbaston
However, I had been lulled into a false sense of security. It turns out that the Eric Hollies Stand is the UK Headquarters of the dreaded Barmy Army. This bunch of half wits spends a third their time going to and from their seats to fetch beer, a third visiting the bogs and the rest singing inane songs which are apparently so complicated to learn that they have produced a glossy magazine which details their pathetic lyrics. There are one or two self appointed leaders/morons who increasingly regularly as the day progresses stand on their seats and lead the rest of the beer swilling drunks in song. It would never occur to these oafs that there are people around them who disapprove of this laddish hedonism.
As you will all know it was the most extraordinary day’s cricket and the excitement of it no doubt fuelled the boisterousness of the Barmy Army. How was my day otherwise? The Beast couldn’t resist joining in some of the singing but otherwise proved to be a delightful companion for the day.
We’ve all been there Steve Thompson tried to keep up with events at Edgbaston and Old Trafford from a campsite in Switzerland
I only saw the scorecards and snatches of newspaper reports of the second and third Tests. I could get some reception in the Alps on TMS but it was painfully difficult. I did give a very good impression of the archetypal eccentric Englishman as from time to time I would switch on my radio, pop in the earphones and emerge from my tent and begin to maneuver myself and the radio into a position, generally in the direction of Geneva, where the reception was such that I could here a voice. The next task was to ascertain who the commentator was from the intonation in their voice. Once I had established this it was easier to hear what they were saying particularly as the rhythm of commentary is quite distinct and I became expert at knowing precisely when a score would be given. Only when the Australian Jim Maxwell was on giving the wickets first was it more of a challenge. I became very popular with the English on the site who would periodically come and find me for an update. The majority of campers were Dutch and unsurprisingly did not show a great deal of interest although one woman who did seem remarkably aware of Holland's cricketing credentials dealt their future Test playing status a crushing blow by concluding that she had seen Prince Charles playing the game on television.
Bad Innings Denis Jones liked my idea that Alf Langley’s 148 may not have been memorable because perhaps it wasn’t a very good 148
I was interested to note your theory that you had no recall of Alf Langley's innings because it was perhaps not a very good 148. I must advise that it does not have to be a good innings to be remembered, as Steve Bunning constantly reminds me of the occasion, against Winchmore Hill, in 1979, when I scored what Jack Adamson of the Hill classified as the worst 90 he had ever seen!
I had had an excessive evening beforehand, so it barely registered when skipper Ron Bunning announced changes from our normal batting order. I was to open with Dave Bunning, and both of us, if tested on the way to the match, and even walking to the wicket, would easily have failed the breathalyser. So, OK, the edged boundaries to Third Man and Long Leg were not necessarily intended, but I do not recall too many chances going to hand as the score moved along at a good pace, and it was through some still very red, and bleary eyes, that we saw a total of around 80 on the board before Dave had the decency to get out. Unfortunately, I was unable to do the same, and although I progressed past 50, stood primarily at the bowlers end, suffering alcoholic cold turkey, whilst our other batsmen ran riot.
Both Eric Shepperd and Mike Weller smashed 50's in double quick time, giving us an adequate score to declare, and although Ron delayed it for a couple of overs to give me a chance to get to a hundred, the gaps at Third Man, and Long Leg were now filled, and no-one, least of all myself, had the stomach to endure me going through the nineties a single at a time!! So the declaration came, with our score about 270 for 5, and me 90 not out. Although memorable for all the wrong reasons, it was a decent score, and maybe I should have batted more often with a king-sized hangover.
Anoraks and Trainspotters
In the course of these pages the derogatory terms Anorak and Trainspotter have been used to describe certain types of cricket fan. Although I cannot remember specifically describing him in these terms the Great Jack Morgan has been getting increasingly nervous that he falls into one or both categories. When we went together to Guildford to see Surrey versus Kent, in an attempt to deal with his paranoia he asked me to define the terms.
I had always included them in the “everyone knows what you mean” category without thinking too much about the specifics. However, enough wooly thinking; its time we dealt with this critical terminology without further ado.
A Trainspotter is someone who finds the statistics of the game more important than the game itself. He will carry voluminous record books and Wisdens in huge holdalls to the ground and meticulously keep the score not only in standard scorebooks but more probably on specifically designed analysis sheets which facilitate the maintenance of more comprehensive details. A Trainspotter will always be able to tell you how many balls each batsman has faced, how many maidens a bowler has bowled and produce a diagram showing the scoring shots of each of the batsmen. He will always have a few unexpected gems up his sleeve that are of no interest to anyone other than other Trainspotters, who know them anyway. For example, he will be quick to point out that Batsman A has just completed 1000 runs for the season, or 1000 career runs against these opponents, or it’s the tenth time he has been LBW this season and so on. Don’t sit anywhere near a Trainspotter or you will get an earful of this crap all day.
An Anorak has dedicated his life to cricket. It comes before anything else and has become so important to him that his behaviour has to keep reinforcing it. He will go to every scheduled match regardless of the weather and indeed likes nothing better than to sit in a howling gale in April waiting for the play to commence so that he will be able to report later that he was “there”. He will tell you that he hasn’t missed a fixture at home or away for over ten years as if that was anything other than imbecilic. An Anorak will call the players by their Christian names as if he was their personal friends, although the players will recognize the Anoraks and then avoid them like the plague. The term Anorak derives from the necessary waterproof clothing that he will invariably need to wear to protect himself from the unkind elements that he frequently subjects himself to. Don’t sit anywhere near an Anorak or you will hear about the time the train didn’t get to Derby until after the start of play and how the coldest ground in the country is not Chester-le-Street but Scarborough when they play the Christmas Day match which he has been to for the last nine years and it would have been fifteen but they cancelled one match and so he didn’t go only for him to find out that they had played it after all. Yawn.
So which camp does my old pal Jack fall into? Well actually it is neither. But don’t tell him yet. Let’s keep him guessing for a while.
Postscript. When I arrived at Edgbaston for the first day of the test I saw Bob Willis standing around looking lost. I could tell it was dear old Bob because everyone around him was somnambulant. He then followed me round behind the stands whereupon a bunch of autograph hunters leaped out and politely asked him for his signature. But these were not ten-year-old fresh-faced schoolboys, they were middle-aged men. Were these guys Anoraks or Trainspotters? On this evidence they were neither. These pathetic individuals fell into a completely different category – cricket Groupies.
Paddington Matters Denis Jones, the Paddington President sends a mid season report Paddington continue to have a very fitful season, with our lack of bowling sometimes leaving us very exposed. However, just as it looks like we are putting together an impressive string of defeats, we have gained an unexpected victory, giving both players and supporters much encouragement. Although we do not have as many traveling supporters as in the past, the Club made a special effort for our match at Kenton in July. Due to the sad, and sudden death of our long-time member Malcolm Chapman, only a short while beforehand, the Chapman and Cox families, who have been so important to the Club over the years, were unable to attend. However, it was a gloriously sunny day, and we had around fifty assorted members, relations, and friends enjoying their day, occupying the whole area across the front of the Kenton pavilion. Amongst those attending, and 'Blasts from the past' that your readers might know were (i) Bernard Heighes, who with John Cox, gave Paddington possibly the best 'spin twins' in town during the seventies and early eighties, (ii) Jim Alldis of Finchley, whose father played for Paddington during the 1950's, before running the Middlesex Cricket School, and (iii) Bob Fisher of Ealing, who was an occasional midweek guest player for Paddington in years gone by, and is now one of our Vice-Presidents.
The South Hampstead v Paddington game ended in comfortable victory for the home side. A bit like Middlesex, Paddington's batting collapsed when it looked like they could make a decent fist of chasing the South Hampstead score. I had a few jars with Ken James and Ian Macintosh. It was good to see them, and with Ron Cox of Paddington we managed to generate a little atmosphere in the bar.
Quiz Corner
The Twelfth Man for South Hampstead in the 1974 final at Winchmore Hill was Mike Langley. If anyone cares the result of the South Hampstead/Showbiz XI match in 1968 was an unlikely 9-9.
Bob Peach has revised his question which now asks “Who are the five players who have made two test match double centuries on the same ground?” He has no idea of the answer, and so this one looks set to run and run at least until Bob bumps into Clive Radley again.
Match Report
The Great Jack Morgan sent me this report of the Second XI Trophy match earlier this year
I didn’t really tell you what happened at Shenley on 14/7 apart from Nash’s continuing troubles, did I? A strong Middlesex team batted first and managed 253 all out in their 50 overs. Scott, Shah and Nash failed, but skipper Dalrymple batted nicely for 55, Compton less impressively for 46 and Peploe hit a quick 35. Best of all, however, was “Johnny” Nambiar, whom I had not seen before. He batted at the end and had to throw the bat, but still managed to impress thoroughly with a very stylish innings of 38. I look forward to seeing him play in “proper” cricket: we might have something special here. Three run outs and other errors kept the total down to a slightly under par 253, but Essex were always behind the run rate (despite useful efforts from Pettini, 32, and Tim Phillips, 56). I was never confident of victory, however, as the incredibly dangerous Ryan ten Doeschate, 85*, looked as if he could raise the scoring rate to the required level whenever he chose to do so… and indeed, he did. Essex were favourites with me to get the ten they needed off the last over, but good bowling by Chris Wright looked to have won the game for Middlesex when ten Doeschate lost the strike with six still needed to tie the scores and only one ball left. However, 19-year-old Nicholas Prowting hit Wright’s last ball out of the ground to bring the scores level. No one seemed to know if the result was a tie or whether Essex had won through losing fewer wickets, so I left the ground not knowing the result. I tried to find out from the web site, but the answer wasn’t there, so I e-mailed Middlesex to ask them the result. Middlesex apologised for the delay in letting me know, but it was nearly a week later that I found out that Middlesex had lost!
Red Mist Matters
I’ve never played on it but everyone who has tells me that the Nursery Ground at Lords is even smaller than it looks. Nevertheless, the feat of Alex Hales, a seventeen-year-old batsman, in a Twenty20 match for the London County Cricket Club is noteworthy. He scored 55 runs off one over which included eight sixes, three of them off no balls. In the next over, bowled by Kent’s Min Patel, needing 12 to win he hit six, four, six.
And then there is Freddie, of course. He equalled Ian Botham’s record of five sixes in an innings as the most by an Englishman in an Ashes test. Adam Gilchrist’s six sixes at Edgbaston in 2001 is the best of all. But Freddie’s nine in the match created a new record.
Irritating Trends in Modern Cricket - Number 15 revisited
I make no apologies for returning to the interruptions to play first brought to our attention in G&C 15 by the Professor. It is no surprise that over rates have slipped to twelve an hour when there are anything up to fifty incursions onto the field of play by non participants during a normal day’s test cricket. It was not long ago that a drinks interval was a rarity reserved for those days when the temperatures soared into the upper eighties and the bringing on of cold drinks still remained at the discretion of the umpires. Not so any more.
I was at Lords on the second day of the test and at Edgbaston on the first day. On both occasions it was decidedly nippy in the morning. The spectators were wearing coats and the players wore sweaters. Nevertheless, after an hour’s play, about ten overs, the drinks came out. Not the twelfth man with a tray but four waiters with miscellaneous sherbets. The umpires also had the third umpire appear with their critical refreshments. This all takes an inordinate amount of time, but eventually the cricket restarts. At Lords, McGrath bowled the next over by the end of which he had so challenged his thirst that another drink had to be brought out onto the field of play for him. This is in addition to the contents of an enormous cold box which was strategically placed on the long leg boundary for him to dip into every time he went down there.
It may be that the batsmen’s kit is poorly made these days or perhaps that they just get lonely out there or bored with each other’s company. Whatever the reason they constantly are summoning minions from the dressing room with replacements for apparently faulty gloves, bats, helmets and so on.
And even the fielders get in on the act. Close to the wicket fielders now wear a battery of armour to protect their precious bodies. Not only do they call for a helmet and box when fielding at short leg but also for leg guards which are worn under the trousers and render the wearer unable to walk let alone run. Nevertheless they would have been a useful piece of protective wear for forwards who played against Norman Hunter. The umpires not content to be by-standers in this charade also contribute by refusing to hold the bowlers surplus kit when they are bowling and so someone has to come on and take sweaters and those huge silly hats and so on.
And so the procession to and from the playing area continues all day. No wonder the over rates are so slow. It used to be the case that cricket could never be shown on commercial television because they would not be able to fit in the adverts. Nowadays they can and often do have a commercial between each over.
.Strange Elevens
Last month’s Strange XI all performed the Double of a thousand runs and a hundred wickets in the same season. John Murray completed the wicket keeper’s double.. The Great Jack Morgan provides these disparate wearers of a particular Jazz Hat. Can you identify it?
Bill Alley
Mike Smith (Middx)
Geoff Edrich
Willie Watson
David Hookes
Vijay Hazare
Keith Miller
Eric Petrie (w/k)
Michael Melle
Jack Flavell
Alf Valentine
Keith Enoch Walmsley has privately tested the Great Jack Morgan with a couple of fiendishly difficult Strange Elevens and to his consternation our man got them both. If any reader feels up to the Enoch Challenge I will forward them to you.
Rangers Matters
At Mick Cope’s suggestion Bill Groombridge circulated his Old Dane cronies with the suggestion of a regular meeting date each year. Ken Bromfield sent this plaintive reply:
11 October is my Silver wedding anniversary so I was planning to take her-indoors up the pub for a game of darts. As much as I would love to be with you on that date I could not countenance another bout of the severe hump. I've never been forgiven for what happened 25 years ago when I promised my beloved a big surprise if we got married in the morning on a Saturday. We did have an AM wedding, and the afternoon treat was up the Rangers. I remember it well. QPR won, so it didn't turn out to be such a bad day after all.
Ken Molloy replied:
It seems that you are not alone in using QPR as an aphrodisiac.
This is a note I got from another friend when I told him about your wedding day. Yes, 1980 was a good season with both Stan Bowles and Gerry Francis playing. I really can’t understand his wife. Inconsiderate old cow, bloody lucky she's still married to him. My wife on the other hand was treated to the QPR v West Ham replay in the cup on our honeymoon in “freeze your testicles off” February weather. Score 0-0 and when I explained that it could go into extra time she then started screaming for QPR to score.
I thought George would like to see these and he replied:
Yes, good eh. My wife still talks about me taking her to stand at the Rangers on a wet Monday night when she was seven months pregnant.
She forgets, though I remember, that they won 4-1, against Crystal Palace I think, but I don't remember who scored.
Earlier Editions
I will be please to email you a copy of the earlier editions of Googlies & Chinamen, if you missed or have mislaid them. If you received this edition through a third party, please send me your email address to ensure that you get on the main mailing list for future editions.
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An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 33
September 2005
Its all about the bowling
England’s recovery since the Lords debacle has been quite extraordinary although there had been a hint of what was to come there in the bowling out of the Aussies twice in three days. In baseball two sides play each other on consecutive days. One side can score ten runs one night and then the same batters fail to score at all the following day. The reason is because they are playing against a different pitcher. Cricket at the highest level is similar. The great West Indian sides of the seventies and eighties had more than useful batting but it was their four man pace attack which put relentless pressure on the batsmen. England now has the same armoury and the Aussies haven’t found a way to combat it. Only Ponting has made a hundred so far and in eight innings a piece no Aussie has scored more than two fifties.
On the other side McGrath has missed two matches through injury and these are the two that England have won. One of the great mysteries of all time must be Gillespie’s decline. The problem this has created is that Hamburger has had to be used as a stock bowler, which has reduced his attacking potential. And so on to the Oval. In this series anything can happen but if the weather stays fine there is bound to be a result and England must be favourites.
Googlies Lunch in Southend I suppose that we should all have known that the surprise Guest speaker at the Googlies Lunch in Southend would turn out to be Bill Hart. His monologue started soon after his arrival at 11.30am and finished appropriately on time as the game finished at 7pm. His diatribe, as usual, covered a wide range of topics and on occasion he generously allowed others to make a contribution, albeit small. A full transcript of his marathon will be published on a series of specially designed websites but the following will provide a flavour for those who were unfortunate enough to miss the occasion.
Bill started with some general remarks to anyone who would listen and then got into an intense one on one with Bruce Tutton that seemed to set him up for the rest of the afternoon. Having treated this as his loosener, so to speak, he then quickly got into his stride addressing the whole assembled company.
The recurrent Googlies theme of the Jazz Hat was visited and Bill informed us that he always enjoyed bowling at batsmen who sported a Jazz Hat. He said that its presence always spurred him on to greater efforts to produce life-threatening deliveries. However, he warned everyone as to the dangers of not finding out who your adversary was ahead of time. On one such occasion he and his colleagues in the quicker bowling fraternity had earmarked an effeminate looking fellow who took lunch in a pink blazer for their special attention at the crease. The Pinky subsequently turned out to be a Minor Counties quick who wreaked terrible revenge when it was his turn to bowl.
Using Bob Peach as his straight man and source of information Bill turned to asking a battery of questions about players from the fifties, sixties and seventies. It was not clear whether this was because of a sincere interest in their careers since he had encountered them or just to impress with his powers of recall over such a long period. It slowly became apparent that anyone who had played at Richmond was now, invariably, deceased. This gave birth to the new euphemism “Oh! Hadn’t you heard? He’s gone to play at Richmond”.
Bob Peach with John and Bruce Tutton
Bill warmed to the subject of professional players in the club game. In particular he recalled Ron Hooker who always had a theory about every aspect of play. On one occasion at Finchley Ron had insisted on bowling at the legs of a particular player who he had assessed would succumb to such an attack. He completed his very expensive spell with the batsman still at the crease and the ball having been retrieved repeatedly from beyond the mid wicket boundary.
Bill re-visited various themes covered on previous occasions such as the disguises worn by Messrs Stubbs and Nienow at the South Hampstead Re-union in 2004 but such repetition was easily forgiven in a presentation of this magnitude.
After interrogating John Tutton at length Bill posed the thesis to Bob Peach that he had adopted a selection policy for the first eleven in the mid sixties that required players to be available on both Saturdays and Sundays, thereby restricting John primarily to appearances for the second eleven. Although initially evasive on this matter, Bob was eventually able to recall having received correspondence from Audrey Tutton imploring him not to select John on Sundays. Bob went on to confess that he had also written to Jill Hart inviting her to take a similar stance with Bill at the same time. Bill was momentarily visibly shaken by this extraordinary revelation but was having none of it and went on to declare the topic closed with the dramatic statement “Peach, you have ruined John Tutton’s life!”
The Great Jack Morgan had impressed everyone, especially the Professor, by his adherence to Southend’s stringent dress code for the occasion. With the Professor he formed a Shepherds Bush contingency at the table and when understandably they grew a little restless and rowdy as the afternoon progressed they were firmly rebuked by Bill. He warned them in no uncertain terms not to make disparaging comments about South Hampstead. He pointed out that whilst he and his fellow vice presidents were at liberty to do so it was totally out of order for the Bush presence to participate in such activity.
The Great Jack Morgan and Allen Bruton
As the event drew to its close Bill seemed not the least bit tired from his exertions and one could only envy his son, Stephen, and grandson, William, who would no doubt be treated to further anecdotes on their journey home. But then they may have heard them before.
Out and About with the Professor The Professor ventures even further north to bring us this report
Today Judith and I took ourselves off to Scarborough for the "Festival" match: Yorkshire v Durham. The ground, if you have not been, is pretty close to the centre of town so they get very good gates from all the poor souls who go there for their holidays. Even club matches are very well attended. It had rained all morning (and a wet seaside town is not a joyful place) but it stopped raining around lunchtime and eventually the gates opened. The PA told us that there would be an inspection at 2.30 and play would start at 4.00 after an early tea. Which it did.
However, at 3.00 both sides were on the field doing their warm up routines. For Yorkshire this consists of a bit of stretching and knees-up and then a game of football. I'm not sure how playing football represents an adequate preparation for playing cricket especially since it has resulted, according to the chap sitting next to me ("Life member of both t' Scarborough and t' Yorkshire, thou knows") said that the football had resulted in four injuries this season.
But Durham's was even odder. After the stretching and writhing around on the floor for a while, they played a full-scale game of rugby league. The pitch was marked out with little plastic circles including try line and goal posts. They even kick to convert each try, with two players standing where the "posts" are marked with their arms in the air. Plunkett, for obvious reasons, is the player of choice for this role. My new life-member friend was not impressed "If they can't catch t'rugby ball, what hope 'ave they o' catchin' little un?" Quite.
More to the point, all this took place an hour before the game started. The pitch and run-ups were all, of course, covered, and so the only reason for delay was to let the outfield dry off. But they were playing rugby on that. If it was dry enough for rugby then surely it would do for cricket. "It's part o' bloody conspiracy to stop t'cricket bein' a spectator sport" (Him again). It all did seem very odd, if hardly an entry for the famous "not playing when the sun was shining" occasions of the past.
When we did get going, Durham's Australian batted very well against Yorkshire's South African. One of Yorkshire's Australians (Harvey) was also performing again, though not that well with the ball. It was interesting to see, even at his pace, Harvey bowl to the now fashionable three man leg-side field of mid-on, with square and long leg both on the fence (as seen on TV). It just meant ones and twos for Hussey when he chose. Kruis ("Top Gun" to my witty friend) looked a class bowler, as he did in the C&G last week.
Edgbaston Matters
Alan Flipper Seal could not believe his luck when his application for ten tickets to the first day of the Edgbaston test was satisfied in full. He dished them out to members of our buying group on a first come first served basis in April. I was fortunate enough to get my email back to him quickly enough to secure one of these precious pieces of card. I had not been to Edgbaston before and the seat allocation meant nothing to me. On arrival, though, I had no trouble finding my way to the Eric Hollies Stand and took my seat about an hour before the start to soak up the atmosphere.
The stand started to fill up and I was pleased to observe that there was only a minimal amount of silly clothing, although in the chill wind the guys in Crusades singlets looked inappropriately attired in more ways than one. I was probably more concerned to find that Flipper had presented the ticket for the seat next to me to Andrew “the Beast” East, who is one of the more extrovert members of our group.
Andrew “the Beast” East in the Eric Hollies Stand at Edgbaston
However, I had been lulled into a false sense of security. It turns out that the Eric Hollies Stand is the UK Headquarters of the dreaded Barmy Army. This bunch of half wits spends a third their time going to and from their seats to fetch beer, a third visiting the bogs and the rest singing inane songs which are apparently so complicated to learn that they have produced a glossy magazine which details their pathetic lyrics. There are one or two self appointed leaders/morons who increasingly regularly as the day progresses stand on their seats and lead the rest of the beer swilling drunks in song. It would never occur to these oafs that there are people around them who disapprove of this laddish hedonism.
As you will all know it was the most extraordinary day’s cricket and the excitement of it no doubt fuelled the boisterousness of the Barmy Army. How was my day otherwise? The Beast couldn’t resist joining in some of the singing but otherwise proved to be a delightful companion for the day.
We’ve all been there Steve Thompson tried to keep up with events at Edgbaston and Old Trafford from a campsite in Switzerland
I only saw the scorecards and snatches of newspaper reports of the second and third Tests. I could get some reception in the Alps on TMS but it was painfully difficult. I did give a very good impression of the archetypal eccentric Englishman as from time to time I would switch on my radio, pop in the earphones and emerge from my tent and begin to maneuver myself and the radio into a position, generally in the direction of Geneva, where the reception was such that I could here a voice. The next task was to ascertain who the commentator was from the intonation in their voice. Once I had established this it was easier to hear what they were saying particularly as the rhythm of commentary is quite distinct and I became expert at knowing precisely when a score would be given. Only when the Australian Jim Maxwell was on giving the wickets first was it more of a challenge. I became very popular with the English on the site who would periodically come and find me for an update. The majority of campers were Dutch and unsurprisingly did not show a great deal of interest although one woman who did seem remarkably aware of Holland's cricketing credentials dealt their future Test playing status a crushing blow by concluding that she had seen Prince Charles playing the game on television.
Bad Innings Denis Jones liked my idea that Alf Langley’s 148 may not have been memorable because perhaps it wasn’t a very good 148
I was interested to note your theory that you had no recall of Alf Langley's innings because it was perhaps not a very good 148. I must advise that it does not have to be a good innings to be remembered, as Steve Bunning constantly reminds me of the occasion, against Winchmore Hill, in 1979, when I scored what Jack Adamson of the Hill classified as the worst 90 he had ever seen!
I had had an excessive evening beforehand, so it barely registered when skipper Ron Bunning announced changes from our normal batting order. I was to open with Dave Bunning, and both of us, if tested on the way to the match, and even walking to the wicket, would easily have failed the breathalyser. So, OK, the edged boundaries to Third Man and Long Leg were not necessarily intended, but I do not recall too many chances going to hand as the score moved along at a good pace, and it was through some still very red, and bleary eyes, that we saw a total of around 80 on the board before Dave had the decency to get out. Unfortunately, I was unable to do the same, and although I progressed past 50, stood primarily at the bowlers end, suffering alcoholic cold turkey, whilst our other batsmen ran riot.
Both Eric Shepperd and Mike Weller smashed 50's in double quick time, giving us an adequate score to declare, and although Ron delayed it for a couple of overs to give me a chance to get to a hundred, the gaps at Third Man, and Long Leg were now filled, and no-one, least of all myself, had the stomach to endure me going through the nineties a single at a time!! So the declaration came, with our score about 270 for 5, and me 90 not out. Although memorable for all the wrong reasons, it was a decent score, and maybe I should have batted more often with a king-sized hangover.
Anoraks and Trainspotters
In the course of these pages the derogatory terms Anorak and Trainspotter have been used to describe certain types of cricket fan. Although I cannot remember specifically describing him in these terms the Great Jack Morgan has been getting increasingly nervous that he falls into one or both categories. When we went together to Guildford to see Surrey versus Kent, in an attempt to deal with his paranoia he asked me to define the terms.
I had always included them in the “everyone knows what you mean” category without thinking too much about the specifics. However, enough wooly thinking; its time we dealt with this critical terminology without further ado.
A Trainspotter is someone who finds the statistics of the game more important than the game itself. He will carry voluminous record books and Wisdens in huge holdalls to the ground and meticulously keep the score not only in standard scorebooks but more probably on specifically designed analysis sheets which facilitate the maintenance of more comprehensive details. A Trainspotter will always be able to tell you how many balls each batsman has faced, how many maidens a bowler has bowled and produce a diagram showing the scoring shots of each of the batsmen. He will always have a few unexpected gems up his sleeve that are of no interest to anyone other than other Trainspotters, who know them anyway. For example, he will be quick to point out that Batsman A has just completed 1000 runs for the season, or 1000 career runs against these opponents, or it’s the tenth time he has been LBW this season and so on. Don’t sit anywhere near a Trainspotter or you will get an earful of this crap all day.
An Anorak has dedicated his life to cricket. It comes before anything else and has become so important to him that his behaviour has to keep reinforcing it. He will go to every scheduled match regardless of the weather and indeed likes nothing better than to sit in a howling gale in April waiting for the play to commence so that he will be able to report later that he was “there”. He will tell you that he hasn’t missed a fixture at home or away for over ten years as if that was anything other than imbecilic. An Anorak will call the players by their Christian names as if he was their personal friends, although the players will recognize the Anoraks and then avoid them like the plague. The term Anorak derives from the necessary waterproof clothing that he will invariably need to wear to protect himself from the unkind elements that he frequently subjects himself to. Don’t sit anywhere near an Anorak or you will hear about the time the train didn’t get to Derby until after the start of play and how the coldest ground in the country is not Chester-le-Street but Scarborough when they play the Christmas Day match which he has been to for the last nine years and it would have been fifteen but they cancelled one match and so he didn’t go only for him to find out that they had played it after all. Yawn.
So which camp does my old pal Jack fall into? Well actually it is neither. But don’t tell him yet. Let’s keep him guessing for a while.
Postscript. When I arrived at Edgbaston for the first day of the test I saw Bob Willis standing around looking lost. I could tell it was dear old Bob because everyone around him was somnambulant. He then followed me round behind the stands whereupon a bunch of autograph hunters leaped out and politely asked him for his signature. But these were not ten-year-old fresh-faced schoolboys, they were middle-aged men. Were these guys Anoraks or Trainspotters? On this evidence they were neither. These pathetic individuals fell into a completely different category – cricket Groupies.
Paddington Matters Denis Jones, the Paddington President sends a mid season report Paddington continue to have a very fitful season, with our lack of bowling sometimes leaving us very exposed. However, just as it looks like we are putting together an impressive string of defeats, we have gained an unexpected victory, giving both players and supporters much encouragement. Although we do not have as many traveling supporters as in the past, the Club made a special effort for our match at Kenton in July. Due to the sad, and sudden death of our long-time member Malcolm Chapman, only a short while beforehand, the Chapman and Cox families, who have been so important to the Club over the years, were unable to attend. However, it was a gloriously sunny day, and we had around fifty assorted members, relations, and friends enjoying their day, occupying the whole area across the front of the Kenton pavilion. Amongst those attending, and 'Blasts from the past' that your readers might know were (i) Bernard Heighes, who with John Cox, gave Paddington possibly the best 'spin twins' in town during the seventies and early eighties, (ii) Jim Alldis of Finchley, whose father played for Paddington during the 1950's, before running the Middlesex Cricket School, and (iii) Bob Fisher of Ealing, who was an occasional midweek guest player for Paddington in years gone by, and is now one of our Vice-Presidents.
The South Hampstead v Paddington game ended in comfortable victory for the home side. A bit like Middlesex, Paddington's batting collapsed when it looked like they could make a decent fist of chasing the South Hampstead score. I had a few jars with Ken James and Ian Macintosh. It was good to see them, and with Ron Cox of Paddington we managed to generate a little atmosphere in the bar.
Quiz Corner
The Twelfth Man for South Hampstead in the 1974 final at Winchmore Hill was Mike Langley. If anyone cares the result of the South Hampstead/Showbiz XI match in 1968 was an unlikely 9-9.
Bob Peach has revised his question which now asks “Who are the five players who have made two test match double centuries on the same ground?” He has no idea of the answer, and so this one looks set to run and run at least until Bob bumps into Clive Radley again.
Match Report
The Great Jack Morgan sent me this report of the Second XI Trophy match earlier this year
I didn’t really tell you what happened at Shenley on 14/7 apart from Nash’s continuing troubles, did I? A strong Middlesex team batted first and managed 253 all out in their 50 overs. Scott, Shah and Nash failed, but skipper Dalrymple batted nicely for 55, Compton less impressively for 46 and Peploe hit a quick 35. Best of all, however, was “Johnny” Nambiar, whom I had not seen before. He batted at the end and had to throw the bat, but still managed to impress thoroughly with a very stylish innings of 38. I look forward to seeing him play in “proper” cricket: we might have something special here. Three run outs and other errors kept the total down to a slightly under par 253, but Essex were always behind the run rate (despite useful efforts from Pettini, 32, and Tim Phillips, 56). I was never confident of victory, however, as the incredibly dangerous Ryan ten Doeschate, 85*, looked as if he could raise the scoring rate to the required level whenever he chose to do so… and indeed, he did. Essex were favourites with me to get the ten they needed off the last over, but good bowling by Chris Wright looked to have won the game for Middlesex when ten Doeschate lost the strike with six still needed to tie the scores and only one ball left. However, 19-year-old Nicholas Prowting hit Wright’s last ball out of the ground to bring the scores level. No one seemed to know if the result was a tie or whether Essex had won through losing fewer wickets, so I left the ground not knowing the result. I tried to find out from the web site, but the answer wasn’t there, so I e-mailed Middlesex to ask them the result. Middlesex apologised for the delay in letting me know, but it was nearly a week later that I found out that Middlesex had lost!
Red Mist Matters
I’ve never played on it but everyone who has tells me that the Nursery Ground at Lords is even smaller than it looks. Nevertheless, the feat of Alex Hales, a seventeen-year-old batsman, in a Twenty20 match for the London County Cricket Club is noteworthy. He scored 55 runs off one over which included eight sixes, three of them off no balls. In the next over, bowled by Kent’s Min Patel, needing 12 to win he hit six, four, six.
And then there is Freddie, of course. He equalled Ian Botham’s record of five sixes in an innings as the most by an Englishman in an Ashes test. Adam Gilchrist’s six sixes at Edgbaston in 2001 is the best of all. But Freddie’s nine in the match created a new record.
Irritating Trends in Modern Cricket - Number 15 revisited
I make no apologies for returning to the interruptions to play first brought to our attention in G&C 15 by the Professor. It is no surprise that over rates have slipped to twelve an hour when there are anything up to fifty incursions onto the field of play by non participants during a normal day’s test cricket. It was not long ago that a drinks interval was a rarity reserved for those days when the temperatures soared into the upper eighties and the bringing on of cold drinks still remained at the discretion of the umpires. Not so any more.
I was at Lords on the second day of the test and at Edgbaston on the first day. On both occasions it was decidedly nippy in the morning. The spectators were wearing coats and the players wore sweaters. Nevertheless, after an hour’s play, about ten overs, the drinks came out. Not the twelfth man with a tray but four waiters with miscellaneous sherbets. The umpires also had the third umpire appear with their critical refreshments. This all takes an inordinate amount of time, but eventually the cricket restarts. At Lords, McGrath bowled the next over by the end of which he had so challenged his thirst that another drink had to be brought out onto the field of play for him. This is in addition to the contents of an enormous cold box which was strategically placed on the long leg boundary for him to dip into every time he went down there.
It may be that the batsmen’s kit is poorly made these days or perhaps that they just get lonely out there or bored with each other’s company. Whatever the reason they constantly are summoning minions from the dressing room with replacements for apparently faulty gloves, bats, helmets and so on.
And even the fielders get in on the act. Close to the wicket fielders now wear a battery of armour to protect their precious bodies. Not only do they call for a helmet and box when fielding at short leg but also for leg guards which are worn under the trousers and render the wearer unable to walk let alone run. Nevertheless they would have been a useful piece of protective wear for forwards who played against Norman Hunter. The umpires not content to be by-standers in this charade also contribute by refusing to hold the bowlers surplus kit when they are bowling and so someone has to come on and take sweaters and those huge silly hats and so on.
And so the procession to and from the playing area continues all day. No wonder the over rates are so slow. It used to be the case that cricket could never be shown on commercial television because they would not be able to fit in the adverts. Nowadays they can and often do have a commercial between each over.
.Strange Elevens
Last month’s Strange XI all performed the Double of a thousand runs and a hundred wickets in the same season. John Murray completed the wicket keeper’s double.. The Great Jack Morgan provides these disparate wearers of a particular Jazz Hat. Can you identify it?
Bill Alley
Mike Smith (Middx)
Geoff Edrich
Willie Watson
David Hookes
Vijay Hazare
Keith Miller
Eric Petrie (w/k)
Michael Melle
Jack Flavell
Alf Valentine
Keith Enoch Walmsley has privately tested the Great Jack Morgan with a couple of fiendishly difficult Strange Elevens and to his consternation our man got them both. If any reader feels up to the Enoch Challenge I will forward them to you.
Rangers Matters
At Mick Cope’s suggestion Bill Groombridge circulated his Old Dane cronies with the suggestion of a regular meeting date each year. Ken Bromfield sent this plaintive reply:
11 October is my Silver wedding anniversary so I was planning to take her-indoors up the pub for a game of darts. As much as I would love to be with you on that date I could not countenance another bout of the severe hump. I've never been forgiven for what happened 25 years ago when I promised my beloved a big surprise if we got married in the morning on a Saturday. We did have an AM wedding, and the afternoon treat was up the Rangers. I remember it well. QPR won, so it didn't turn out to be such a bad day after all.
Ken Molloy replied:
It seems that you are not alone in using QPR as an aphrodisiac.
This is a note I got from another friend when I told him about your wedding day. Yes, 1980 was a good season with both Stan Bowles and Gerry Francis playing. I really can’t understand his wife. Inconsiderate old cow, bloody lucky she's still married to him. My wife on the other hand was treated to the QPR v West Ham replay in the cup on our honeymoon in “freeze your testicles off” February weather. Score 0-0 and when I explained that it could go into extra time she then started screaming for QPR to score.
I thought George would like to see these and he replied:
Yes, good eh. My wife still talks about me taking her to stand at the Rangers on a wet Monday night when she was seven months pregnant.
She forgets, though I remember, that they won 4-1, against Crystal Palace I think, but I don't remember who scored.
Earlier Editions
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