GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 76
April 2009
Caption Competition
1. Samit Patel: Why is it more important to run fast with the bean bag before the start of play than to score a hundred?
2. Mike Gatting: You are playing in the wrong era, son.
3. Geoff Miller: Why are you crying, Samit?
Samit Patel: I’ve dropped my batting glove and I can’t bend down to pick it up.
3. Hugh Morris: Everyone must understand that England are only at the pinnacle of international cricket because we have the best fitness regime in the world. We don’t need Samit’s runs or wickets. We prefer finely honed athletes who rank seventh in the world.
4. Ryan Sidebotham: Fitness? I don’t know about that but I can still be a crap fielder regardless.
5. Jimmy Ormond: They are not introducing fitness tests at Surrey next season are they?
Out and About with the Professor
The Professor has been selflessly visiting the Caribbean and he sent me this report
I had not been to Trinidad before but expected it to be very different to Barbados and Antigua – and so it proved. While they (and I guess a fair few other venues in the Windies) are really just holiday isles, Trinidad (and especially Port of Spain) is much more industrial. There is an urban bustle and activity which gives the place more edge, as well as an urban poor, and much higher crime rate. In short it has rather more reality than (say) the more manicured islands visited by English tourists.
The ground, too, is what you expect a West Indies ground to be like – a tight circle of stands of various vintages, giving much more “atmosphere” than in the new Bridgetown or the sandy Sir Vivian Richards’ stadiums. At one stage the upper tier of one stand was closed for “health and safety” reasons, but people continued to sit on the lower tier without, apparently, any great concern. The similarity of course was in the pitch which, like Barbados and Antigua, was a very friendly track to bat on. There were some very easy runs towards the end of our first innings, for example, when Prior was batting against Simmonds and Hinds – I think a fair number of club cricketers would have fancied their chances.
A main talking point there, (as here I presume) was the referral system, which seems chaotic in operation and flawed in concept. The rationale is presumably to “get the decision right” but, if so, why only two referrals? If the answer is that more would be disruptive, then once the two are used up we still have the original problem of getting a correct decision. In any event, to have a formalised challenge to the umpiring decisions does not seem to be a sensible way forward, apart from anything else, it makes the umpires appear foolish or incompetent or both. That said, we had what must be the dream team of incompetent umpires in Trinidad – Harper and Tiffen. What is needed is some way for the umpires to use all the technology at their disposal prior to making a decision.
Apart from that, the main interruption to play was those stupid reversible sightscreens that appear to be essential for advertising revenue but never seem to reverse at the required time. There were also a number of interruptions from the people employed to stop people walking in front of the screen, themselves walking in front of the screen…slowly. For once the drinks breaks were more than justifiable…it was very hot.
Our hotel was used by the correspondents and so I talked (by the pool) to CMJ, and to Mike Atherton and at greater length to Tim Abrahams, who works for Sky, and is a Welwyn Garden City member. Gower, Crozier, Aggers and Sir Viv were also floating around. The steady progress in the match (why did England bat so slowly on the first day? – 258-2 was about 100 below par) allowed lots of opportunity for conversation (some of it sensible). I learned from Jim Cumbes about the plans for the rebuilding of Old Trafford. The red stand, featured in this publication is to go ahead and there is, so it seems, to be a green one and an orange one. Sounds very tasteful. Bound to go down well with the good folk of Wigan and Burnley. Jim told me that members would “grow to like it”. Umm. Let’s hope the colours don’t run when it rains. They are also, next year, changing the orientation of the square at Old Trafford so that the pavilion will be behind the bowler’s arm.
I also asked Jim about the 75th Anniversary celebrations at Old Trafford, which he didn’t think very funny, (last outright winners of the Championship in 1934) and about the intractable problem of County Cricket – he favours the payment to the counties of a given sum (say £100,000) for each England capped player. The loss of an Ashes test (on bidding price apparently) also featured.
I had numerous conversations with Douglas Miller, (he of the Association of Cricket Statisticians) who I think may know, or at least know of, a number of the subscribers to this journal. Douglas was uncomfortable with me calling him a nerd, or anorak, or train spotter and indeed I don’t think there is a word in the lexicon that quite captures his delight in detail. One lunchtime, for example, Douglas set himself the task of naming all the England players since the War who have played only one test. There are, so it seems, thirty one of them (although, on this showing, Khan may up the number) but Douglas was mortified in falling one short: “How could I have forgotten Kabir Ali?”
He recognised Lord Ray’s name and described him as a “rebel”. When I looked surprised, Douglas told me about Lord Ray’s laudable attempts to reform the Society of Cricket Umpires which was, “far too conservative”. What must they be like? We had an interesting chat about the Laws (Douglas is word-perfect) and possible changes. I put forward four alterations that I would like to see, and I think Googlies readers might wish to add to the list. My four are:
Conclusions from the two Tests? Well, obviously we can bat well on benign surfaces but, unless the ball swings, it is difficult to see England bowling out Australia twice in any match. If it does swing, of course, they might well bowl us out rather quickly. The spin bowling department remains unsettled and the Prior issue remains unresolved. Having said all that, England would have won in Trinidad with time to spare had we held our catches, and Gayle’s time wasting tactics (which for such a magnificent cricketer, left a sour taste) would have been in vain. Never mind, we can do it all again shortly over here.
Lardarse Matters
How many professions make it a fundamental requirement to conform to a particular body shape and weight? Maybe Sumo wrestling and top flight modelling, but apparently playing for England at cricket is the most exacting and it, we now hear, issues specific requirements to each potential player. As a result Samit Patel, after being selected for the Lions tour to New Zealand during which he scored heavily(sic) was rejected from being uplifted to the ODI squad in the West Indies.
Of all the crass and ludicrous decisions made by cricket’s administrators this must rank in the top three. It shows that conformity to their thinking is considered more important that contribution on the pitch. Just imagine the list of players in the past who would have failed these requirements: Gatting, Milburn and Cowdrey to name but a few. What makes the bosses think that being fit will produce better cricketers? Their record shows nothing to support this hypothesis.
Patel, who shapes up somewhere between Ian Blackwell and Rob Key, has now been told to go back to Notts, stop eating the cream cakes and run uphill fast every morning. Will this enable him to score more runs? And what’s more to the point is that he is already a better fielder than Panesar, Sidebotham and Harmison.
The New Zealand selectors are clearly a more practical and phlegmatic bunch. After Jesse Ryder immobilised himself in drunken activity during England’s tour last winter he was sent on a fitness campaign which involved lunch at the Gatting’s house on a daily basis. He emerged back in the side for the ODIs against India and in the first test scored his maiden test century in adverse conditions. As he boyishly dived around in the field his shirt streamed out of his trousers and acres of flab flopped around in the breeze. You could fit Patel twice into Ryder’s kit.
2L Matters
I suspect that only the Great Jack Morgan and I noticed that there were letters from two members of the 1959 version of 2L at St Clement Danes in the Wisden Cricketer letters column in the March Edition. This stat will no doubt be filed away by the Professor’s new chum, Douglas Miller.
The first letter was from the Great man himself making wry and ironic observations about a previous Eyewitness report. The second was from Keith “Enoch” Walmsley who was requesting contributions to a biography he is writing about Frederick J Hyland, whom he describes as “an elusive long time hero of mine”. For once I am lost for words as to how to comment on this plaintiff appeal.
Ashes Matters
So who will be playing in the Ashes this summer? If it weren’t for central contracts there would be many places up for grabs but even so there could be new faces and maybe even the odd old one. For example, the Aussies will have plenty of left handers at the top of the order and so a new slim line Matthew Hoggard could find himself back in the frame. His experience and swing into their pads could make him as big a threat as anyone else. The Aussies would probably prefer to face some young gun than an experienced hand in this contest. They will also be hoping that Freddie is sidelined. He is the fastest, most accurate and deadliest bowler of reverse swing in the England camp.
Monty’s lack of form and confidence is an opportunity to get a batting spinner into the side. Swann’s success was unexpected but provides a real cricketer in the side as opposed to the flimsy Panesar. I would be happy to see Rashid given a go since he is a genuine all-rounder who has the massive advantage of being a wrist spinner. This would give the side a more balanced look when Flintoff is sidelined and a nice long batting line up when he is fit. Sidebotham looked overweight and unfit in the winter and now has a lot to prove before he is selected again. It is a long time since he went through a side.
Owais Shah who is consistently England’s best batsman in the one day side may have blown his chances of cementing a place in the test side through a spate of run outs and his bizarre problem with hand cramps. There is a call for Peg Leg to be recalled to the side and he could keep out Shah, Bell and Bopara. I have no objections to his recall as long as he earns it by weight of runs against proper opposition and that he pulls his weight in the field. This would make the first six: Strauss, Cook, Vaughan, Pietersen, Collingwood and Flintoff.
Prior has to go. If his runs are well made he must compete for a batting place. We learnt little about Davies in the Twenty20 match against the West Indians but I doubt whether his keeping is up to it. For England to stand any chance in the Ashes series critical chances cannot be shelled and it is time to pick a proper wicket keeper. I would be happy to see either Scott or Foster get the job. Either of these would not be an embarrassment at eight. This means that one of the bowlers has to bat at seven and Rashid is the man for this. He now needs to be fast tracked. So the second half of the order could be Rashid, Scott or Foster, Broad, Hoggard and Anderson.
We now know pretty much who the Aussies will be using as batsmen. Their order is likely to be: Hughes, Katich, Ponting, Hussey, Clarke and North. Brad Haddin has now become an established wicket keeper batsman who can hold a place at number seven which enables six batsmen and four bowlers to be picked around him.
Of the current crop of bowlers in South Africa only Mitchell Johnson is a cert to be in the side. He bowls left arm over at 90mph and has been scoring heavily at number eight. Peter Siddel and Ben Hilfenhouse have had some good reports but, if fit, Brett Lee and Stuart Clark are likely to return to the side. If the conditions suit Anderson as at Trent Bridge last summer then the ODI man Nathan Bracken is their best bet. Various spinners have been tried this winter but only Kretje has had any success. But he is a regulation off spinner without a doozra and I doubt whether England would see him as any sort of threat on modern English test wickets. I suspect that they will make do with a combination of Michael Clarke’s orthodox left arm spin, Simon Katich’s chinamen and Marcus North. This would leave room for another all rounder who would probably be one of Andrew Symonds, Stuart Watson or Cameron White. Their lower order could therefore be Symonds, Haddin, Johnson, Lee and Clark.
Selvey Matters
The Great Jack Morgan notes some deterioration in Mike Selvey’s reporting since being fired from TMS
Poor old Selve's pieces get more and more bizarre: he is now suggesting that the ECB should have spotted that Stanford was a rogue because of his dodgy moustache! "Would you seriously hand over your money to someone with a 'tache like that?" he asks (and incredibly, this view was supported by Richard Ingrams in the Indy): am I the only one who cannot spot a man's character purely from a glance at his moustache? More nonsense from the Selvemeister: he tells us that i) England's path to victory at the ARG will be blocked by Sarwan "a man in form" and Chanderpaul "cricket's most adhesive batsman"; ii) that there is a fair chance of rain on the last day; and iii) that Harmison is still recovering from illness and that Flintoff will not be able to bowl at all (this turned out to be incorrect, but I am not blaming him for that); yet he still concludes that "England should have little trouble in nailing the match and going into the fourth Test at Kensington Oval a week today with the series level". I would have thought that, with rain about, two class players at the crease, the wicket doing nothing and only three and a half bowlers available, that a draw was highly likely.
Old Trafford Matters
The Lancashire CCC website has been including pictures progressing the building work currently underway. Here is a selection of them:
Few would argue that it is not already an improvement on what was there before but it will soon be spoiled by the garish monstrosities that are to be imminently erected.
Dalton Matters
The Great Jack Morgan knew who the Professor was talking about last month
“I played against Andy Dalton at Sheffield (Dalton was at Newcastle) and I am sure that the Prof would have played against him too as Sheffield, Newcastle and Hull (plus Durham and York) were all in the same UAU group, but he seems to show no recollection of the bloke. I think Dalton was a year above us and a year younger than JCA, so as the Prof did an extra year at school, it is likely that their university careers coincided exactly, making it almost certain that they would have played against each other and making it even weirder that the Prof doesn't remember him. Even if the Prof somehow managed to avoid playing against Dalton, the latter was such a big name on the circuit (probably only Hayes was bigger) that it is beyond belief that the Prof would not remember him just from all the talk about him.”
Kelvin West Matters
Kelvin West has been a regular contributor to Googlies for several years although I do not believe I have ever met him. He is, of course, well known to the Brentham contingent of readers. In the last issue I reported that he is moving to Greece and before he left he sent me this:
”Though I shall be in Greece I will continue to contribute and probably take up the task of recruiting, training and physioing my own Greek Ladies football team out there. It looks like The Great Jack Morgan and I were sporting a similar hair style and sideburns in the early seventies. Unfortunately my blond locks have now turned closer to white...I attach a photo with some footballer or other that I am friends with as a reference.”
So now the enigmatic Kelvin is revealed to us all. Presumably Crouchy was standing on a box.
David Evans Matters
Charlie Puckett sent me the following
Having just read your latest publication and seeing the rather short comments of David Evans, I thought you might appreciate a copy of the obituary that is about to appear of him in Scorecard and will be in the League Handbook and probably the CCC Handbook.
I feel I must point out that it was written by Mike Dunn, once of Southgate, Edmonton, Hertfordshire, Warwickshire and various places ‘oop north. I should further state that Dunny is a) a Yorkshireman, b) a socialist and c) related to me so much must be allowed when reading this.
“David Evans was the inspirational captain of Edmonton CC, his local club which was Evening Standard pacesetter in the 1960’s. He was the initiator of the first Club Cricket Conference (CCC) tour to Australia in 1970/71 with the famous expression “why not?” in response to an invitation from the Australian Old Collegians (AOC) to tour their country. CCC had politely declined four previous invitations. David Evans changed all that and hundreds of amateur cricketers went on to represent their country in Oz, NZ, Africa and the West Indies. Under-25 teams were established and also enjoyed overseas tours.
David, though living in Harpenden for most of his life, was a talented North London boy. Rejected in soccer and cricket at 20, he turned his talent to business, becoming a multi-millionaire through hard work. He found time to maintain a high profile in his role as MP for Welwyn Hatfield, unafraid to proclaim his views such as on the punishment of criminals.
He generously provided ‘chicken feed’ finance (as he called it) for junior cricket programmes, for an Edmonton CC Academy/junior development programme. However, David’s ‘entrepreneurial’ methods cost Edmonton its place in the top Middlesex leagues when challenged by rival clubs. He subsidised John Snow to finish his career at the club, a wonderful example of professionalism and inspirational to talented younger players there. Among the successful players nurtured in David’s Edmonton, were Kevan James who went on to be successful at Hampshire, Keith Brown to Middlesex and Adrian Pierson to Leicester/Warwickshire. Many others were filtered into successful London clubs when Edmonton was demoted. When you see the third-class cricketers who now flood the semi-pro League market, you wonder about the modern game, and you understand the common sense that David Evans brought to a changing world with his background. David was well ahead of most League thinking and, compared to today, an honest man.
David also used his chicken feed to promote good causes, and many charities had the benefit of his no nonsense energy. At home with his wife Janice he was a devoted hardworking husband and father. Life will not be as honest without a man who gave so much to public life. Thanks David.”
KP Matters
The cosmopolitan Great Jack Morgan contributed the following to the great KP debate
Who is Barry Rickson? It was nice to read a bit a sense to counterbalance all the xenophobic crap you choose to publish, but you had to spoil it by reverting to prejudiced nonsense immediately after printing the sane view. It is troubling to read that you still want to bar someone from playing for England when he i) has an English mother; ii) has English grandparents (sufficient grounds alone to qualify in many sports); and iii) also fulfilled the residential qualification of four years ages ago. Just how qualified does he have to be?
South Hampstead Matters
At the Ladies Day at South Hampstead last season Carole Perham gave me the following photo which was taken on a tour in the early sixties.
Identification of the personnel is limited to the following:
Harry Collins, Audrey Hawdon, Bob Peach, Terry Cordaroy, ?, Dickie Brookes, ?, ?, Bob Cleaver, Colin Newcombe, Colin Ezer, Basil Wright, Laurie Israel, Lady A, ? Brooman, Lady B.
I think that Ladies A & B were the two ladies who accompanied Harry Collins on all occasions. One of the question marks is probably Brian Shadwell, which could make Lady A his wife, June. The puzzling thing about this party though is why Basil Wright of Hornsey CC was in it. I can only assume that he was invited to help out because the club was short of numbers.
Carole did not know who the photographer was but my money would go on Tony Hawdon who was generally in attendance with Audrey.
Bush Matters
Jim Revier was so taken aback at the photo of his cousin and supposed wife in the last issue that he sent me the following
“I must comment on the photo of "Mrs Revier", Gates and the Great Jack Morgan in the current issue of Googlies. I spent time with Arthur last week and apart from a gammy hip the old boy seemed in fine fettle. There was certainly no sign of the mental dislocation that seems to have invaded him on this one. As Jack will confirm my wife would have been about twelve when that photo was taken. I have strong doubts her parents would have let her out with Gates and Morgan at such a young age. In fact there are many parents who wouldn’t have let their daughters out with those two at any age. Which leaves one question - who is the poor girl in the photo?”
We will all be pleased to hear the answer to this critical question. Meanwhile here is the latest Bush photo from the archive
This photo is from a 1962 cricket week match and features Bob Talbot leading out a bunch who look like his grandsons. The unanswered question here is why there were only nine of them?
David McIntosh
I received the following from Ian McIntosh
“I have recently lost my father David McIntosh who was a social member of South Hampstead CC for about fifty years a period covering the late1960's and early 1970's during which the club was one of the best teams in London and the South East of England and was able to watch some of the best players who have ever played for the Club.
David was by profession a teacher and taught at various local schools in Willesden for over thirty years ending his career by being for fourteen years Head Master at Furness Road Primary School. He was an avid reader of G&C and a handful of other readers would have had the fruits of his teaching and also his coaching of the schools sports sides.
He was also a member of MCCC and expressed joy at being able to watch Compton and Edrich after his war years at Lord's. Being a proud Scot, he was born in Glasgow in 1920, he was also an admirer of Douglas Jardine's leadership and had watched Bradman bat.”
Football Matters
As readers will know Kelvin West carried out many tasks for Andrew Baker’s Ladies football team, including that of official photographer. Realising how difficult it would be to fill all these roles in one go Kelvin has generously offered Andrew the loan of his niece to act as photographer in the interim period.
Old Danes Gathering
The Old Danes Gathering will take place this year on Friday 31st July at Shepherds Bush CC from 2pm. All Old Danes and friends will be welcome. I am circulating a list of attendees and apologies on a regular basis. If you are planning to attend please advise me accordingly and I will add you to it. The Gathering will run on into the evening and so those who are only able to come after work can be accommodated.
Googlies and Chinamen
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Tel & fax: 01298 70237
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An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 76
April 2009
Caption Competition
1. Samit Patel: Why is it more important to run fast with the bean bag before the start of play than to score a hundred?
2. Mike Gatting: You are playing in the wrong era, son.
3. Geoff Miller: Why are you crying, Samit?
Samit Patel: I’ve dropped my batting glove and I can’t bend down to pick it up.
3. Hugh Morris: Everyone must understand that England are only at the pinnacle of international cricket because we have the best fitness regime in the world. We don’t need Samit’s runs or wickets. We prefer finely honed athletes who rank seventh in the world.
4. Ryan Sidebotham: Fitness? I don’t know about that but I can still be a crap fielder regardless.
5. Jimmy Ormond: They are not introducing fitness tests at Surrey next season are they?
Out and About with the Professor
The Professor has been selflessly visiting the Caribbean and he sent me this report
I had not been to Trinidad before but expected it to be very different to Barbados and Antigua – and so it proved. While they (and I guess a fair few other venues in the Windies) are really just holiday isles, Trinidad (and especially Port of Spain) is much more industrial. There is an urban bustle and activity which gives the place more edge, as well as an urban poor, and much higher crime rate. In short it has rather more reality than (say) the more manicured islands visited by English tourists.
The ground, too, is what you expect a West Indies ground to be like – a tight circle of stands of various vintages, giving much more “atmosphere” than in the new Bridgetown or the sandy Sir Vivian Richards’ stadiums. At one stage the upper tier of one stand was closed for “health and safety” reasons, but people continued to sit on the lower tier without, apparently, any great concern. The similarity of course was in the pitch which, like Barbados and Antigua, was a very friendly track to bat on. There were some very easy runs towards the end of our first innings, for example, when Prior was batting against Simmonds and Hinds – I think a fair number of club cricketers would have fancied their chances.
A main talking point there, (as here I presume) was the referral system, which seems chaotic in operation and flawed in concept. The rationale is presumably to “get the decision right” but, if so, why only two referrals? If the answer is that more would be disruptive, then once the two are used up we still have the original problem of getting a correct decision. In any event, to have a formalised challenge to the umpiring decisions does not seem to be a sensible way forward, apart from anything else, it makes the umpires appear foolish or incompetent or both. That said, we had what must be the dream team of incompetent umpires in Trinidad – Harper and Tiffen. What is needed is some way for the umpires to use all the technology at their disposal prior to making a decision.
Apart from that, the main interruption to play was those stupid reversible sightscreens that appear to be essential for advertising revenue but never seem to reverse at the required time. There were also a number of interruptions from the people employed to stop people walking in front of the screen, themselves walking in front of the screen…slowly. For once the drinks breaks were more than justifiable…it was very hot.
Our hotel was used by the correspondents and so I talked (by the pool) to CMJ, and to Mike Atherton and at greater length to Tim Abrahams, who works for Sky, and is a Welwyn Garden City member. Gower, Crozier, Aggers and Sir Viv were also floating around. The steady progress in the match (why did England bat so slowly on the first day? – 258-2 was about 100 below par) allowed lots of opportunity for conversation (some of it sensible). I learned from Jim Cumbes about the plans for the rebuilding of Old Trafford. The red stand, featured in this publication is to go ahead and there is, so it seems, to be a green one and an orange one. Sounds very tasteful. Bound to go down well with the good folk of Wigan and Burnley. Jim told me that members would “grow to like it”. Umm. Let’s hope the colours don’t run when it rains. They are also, next year, changing the orientation of the square at Old Trafford so that the pavilion will be behind the bowler’s arm.
I also asked Jim about the 75th Anniversary celebrations at Old Trafford, which he didn’t think very funny, (last outright winners of the Championship in 1934) and about the intractable problem of County Cricket – he favours the payment to the counties of a given sum (say £100,000) for each England capped player. The loss of an Ashes test (on bidding price apparently) also featured.
I had numerous conversations with Douglas Miller, (he of the Association of Cricket Statisticians) who I think may know, or at least know of, a number of the subscribers to this journal. Douglas was uncomfortable with me calling him a nerd, or anorak, or train spotter and indeed I don’t think there is a word in the lexicon that quite captures his delight in detail. One lunchtime, for example, Douglas set himself the task of naming all the England players since the War who have played only one test. There are, so it seems, thirty one of them (although, on this showing, Khan may up the number) but Douglas was mortified in falling one short: “How could I have forgotten Kabir Ali?”
He recognised Lord Ray’s name and described him as a “rebel”. When I looked surprised, Douglas told me about Lord Ray’s laudable attempts to reform the Society of Cricket Umpires which was, “far too conservative”. What must they be like? We had an interesting chat about the Laws (Douglas is word-perfect) and possible changes. I put forward four alterations that I would like to see, and I think Googlies readers might wish to add to the list. My four are:
- Abolish leg-byes – they are a reward for failure (why should you get a run for missing the ball?) This would also, obviously, remove the need for the umpire to determine the extent to which the batsman “attempted” to play the ball. I don’t see why you get runs for being hit on the head either.
- By a similar sort of reasoning I don’t see why “a genuine attempt to play the ball” (and missing) should give you immunity from LBW outside the off stump.
- There have been a couple of examples recently of players given out (or potentially so, in the case of Collingwood) because at the moment the ball hit the stumps they had no point of contact with the ground. That is, they had made their ground, but the momentum of the run (or an attempt to avoid a throw) meant that for that fraction of a second they were airborne. This is only detectable because of slow motion photography and not, I venture, in the spirit of the regulations as originally conceived. I think if you have made your ground that should be it, and no one should be penalised because the laws of physics (which are clearly inferior to the laws of cricket) should have momentarily taken over.
- The ridiculous alteration to the backing up law should be rescinded. It makes it virtually impossible to run out the backing up batsman who, if there were, say, just one run needed, could be sprinting down the track when the bowler released the ball without any danger of being dismissed at the bowler’s end.
Conclusions from the two Tests? Well, obviously we can bat well on benign surfaces but, unless the ball swings, it is difficult to see England bowling out Australia twice in any match. If it does swing, of course, they might well bowl us out rather quickly. The spin bowling department remains unsettled and the Prior issue remains unresolved. Having said all that, England would have won in Trinidad with time to spare had we held our catches, and Gayle’s time wasting tactics (which for such a magnificent cricketer, left a sour taste) would have been in vain. Never mind, we can do it all again shortly over here.
Lardarse Matters
How many professions make it a fundamental requirement to conform to a particular body shape and weight? Maybe Sumo wrestling and top flight modelling, but apparently playing for England at cricket is the most exacting and it, we now hear, issues specific requirements to each potential player. As a result Samit Patel, after being selected for the Lions tour to New Zealand during which he scored heavily(sic) was rejected from being uplifted to the ODI squad in the West Indies.
Of all the crass and ludicrous decisions made by cricket’s administrators this must rank in the top three. It shows that conformity to their thinking is considered more important that contribution on the pitch. Just imagine the list of players in the past who would have failed these requirements: Gatting, Milburn and Cowdrey to name but a few. What makes the bosses think that being fit will produce better cricketers? Their record shows nothing to support this hypothesis.
Patel, who shapes up somewhere between Ian Blackwell and Rob Key, has now been told to go back to Notts, stop eating the cream cakes and run uphill fast every morning. Will this enable him to score more runs? And what’s more to the point is that he is already a better fielder than Panesar, Sidebotham and Harmison.
The New Zealand selectors are clearly a more practical and phlegmatic bunch. After Jesse Ryder immobilised himself in drunken activity during England’s tour last winter he was sent on a fitness campaign which involved lunch at the Gatting’s house on a daily basis. He emerged back in the side for the ODIs against India and in the first test scored his maiden test century in adverse conditions. As he boyishly dived around in the field his shirt streamed out of his trousers and acres of flab flopped around in the breeze. You could fit Patel twice into Ryder’s kit.
2L Matters
I suspect that only the Great Jack Morgan and I noticed that there were letters from two members of the 1959 version of 2L at St Clement Danes in the Wisden Cricketer letters column in the March Edition. This stat will no doubt be filed away by the Professor’s new chum, Douglas Miller.
The first letter was from the Great man himself making wry and ironic observations about a previous Eyewitness report. The second was from Keith “Enoch” Walmsley who was requesting contributions to a biography he is writing about Frederick J Hyland, whom he describes as “an elusive long time hero of mine”. For once I am lost for words as to how to comment on this plaintiff appeal.
Ashes Matters
So who will be playing in the Ashes this summer? If it weren’t for central contracts there would be many places up for grabs but even so there could be new faces and maybe even the odd old one. For example, the Aussies will have plenty of left handers at the top of the order and so a new slim line Matthew Hoggard could find himself back in the frame. His experience and swing into their pads could make him as big a threat as anyone else. The Aussies would probably prefer to face some young gun than an experienced hand in this contest. They will also be hoping that Freddie is sidelined. He is the fastest, most accurate and deadliest bowler of reverse swing in the England camp.
Monty’s lack of form and confidence is an opportunity to get a batting spinner into the side. Swann’s success was unexpected but provides a real cricketer in the side as opposed to the flimsy Panesar. I would be happy to see Rashid given a go since he is a genuine all-rounder who has the massive advantage of being a wrist spinner. This would give the side a more balanced look when Flintoff is sidelined and a nice long batting line up when he is fit. Sidebotham looked overweight and unfit in the winter and now has a lot to prove before he is selected again. It is a long time since he went through a side.
Owais Shah who is consistently England’s best batsman in the one day side may have blown his chances of cementing a place in the test side through a spate of run outs and his bizarre problem with hand cramps. There is a call for Peg Leg to be recalled to the side and he could keep out Shah, Bell and Bopara. I have no objections to his recall as long as he earns it by weight of runs against proper opposition and that he pulls his weight in the field. This would make the first six: Strauss, Cook, Vaughan, Pietersen, Collingwood and Flintoff.
Prior has to go. If his runs are well made he must compete for a batting place. We learnt little about Davies in the Twenty20 match against the West Indians but I doubt whether his keeping is up to it. For England to stand any chance in the Ashes series critical chances cannot be shelled and it is time to pick a proper wicket keeper. I would be happy to see either Scott or Foster get the job. Either of these would not be an embarrassment at eight. This means that one of the bowlers has to bat at seven and Rashid is the man for this. He now needs to be fast tracked. So the second half of the order could be Rashid, Scott or Foster, Broad, Hoggard and Anderson.
We now know pretty much who the Aussies will be using as batsmen. Their order is likely to be: Hughes, Katich, Ponting, Hussey, Clarke and North. Brad Haddin has now become an established wicket keeper batsman who can hold a place at number seven which enables six batsmen and four bowlers to be picked around him.
Of the current crop of bowlers in South Africa only Mitchell Johnson is a cert to be in the side. He bowls left arm over at 90mph and has been scoring heavily at number eight. Peter Siddel and Ben Hilfenhouse have had some good reports but, if fit, Brett Lee and Stuart Clark are likely to return to the side. If the conditions suit Anderson as at Trent Bridge last summer then the ODI man Nathan Bracken is their best bet. Various spinners have been tried this winter but only Kretje has had any success. But he is a regulation off spinner without a doozra and I doubt whether England would see him as any sort of threat on modern English test wickets. I suspect that they will make do with a combination of Michael Clarke’s orthodox left arm spin, Simon Katich’s chinamen and Marcus North. This would leave room for another all rounder who would probably be one of Andrew Symonds, Stuart Watson or Cameron White. Their lower order could therefore be Symonds, Haddin, Johnson, Lee and Clark.
Selvey Matters
The Great Jack Morgan notes some deterioration in Mike Selvey’s reporting since being fired from TMS
Poor old Selve's pieces get more and more bizarre: he is now suggesting that the ECB should have spotted that Stanford was a rogue because of his dodgy moustache! "Would you seriously hand over your money to someone with a 'tache like that?" he asks (and incredibly, this view was supported by Richard Ingrams in the Indy): am I the only one who cannot spot a man's character purely from a glance at his moustache? More nonsense from the Selvemeister: he tells us that i) England's path to victory at the ARG will be blocked by Sarwan "a man in form" and Chanderpaul "cricket's most adhesive batsman"; ii) that there is a fair chance of rain on the last day; and iii) that Harmison is still recovering from illness and that Flintoff will not be able to bowl at all (this turned out to be incorrect, but I am not blaming him for that); yet he still concludes that "England should have little trouble in nailing the match and going into the fourth Test at Kensington Oval a week today with the series level". I would have thought that, with rain about, two class players at the crease, the wicket doing nothing and only three and a half bowlers available, that a draw was highly likely.
Old Trafford Matters
The Lancashire CCC website has been including pictures progressing the building work currently underway. Here is a selection of them:
Few would argue that it is not already an improvement on what was there before but it will soon be spoiled by the garish monstrosities that are to be imminently erected.
Dalton Matters
The Great Jack Morgan knew who the Professor was talking about last month
“I played against Andy Dalton at Sheffield (Dalton was at Newcastle) and I am sure that the Prof would have played against him too as Sheffield, Newcastle and Hull (plus Durham and York) were all in the same UAU group, but he seems to show no recollection of the bloke. I think Dalton was a year above us and a year younger than JCA, so as the Prof did an extra year at school, it is likely that their university careers coincided exactly, making it almost certain that they would have played against each other and making it even weirder that the Prof doesn't remember him. Even if the Prof somehow managed to avoid playing against Dalton, the latter was such a big name on the circuit (probably only Hayes was bigger) that it is beyond belief that the Prof would not remember him just from all the talk about him.”
Kelvin West Matters
Kelvin West has been a regular contributor to Googlies for several years although I do not believe I have ever met him. He is, of course, well known to the Brentham contingent of readers. In the last issue I reported that he is moving to Greece and before he left he sent me this:
”Though I shall be in Greece I will continue to contribute and probably take up the task of recruiting, training and physioing my own Greek Ladies football team out there. It looks like The Great Jack Morgan and I were sporting a similar hair style and sideburns in the early seventies. Unfortunately my blond locks have now turned closer to white...I attach a photo with some footballer or other that I am friends with as a reference.”
So now the enigmatic Kelvin is revealed to us all. Presumably Crouchy was standing on a box.
David Evans Matters
Charlie Puckett sent me the following
Having just read your latest publication and seeing the rather short comments of David Evans, I thought you might appreciate a copy of the obituary that is about to appear of him in Scorecard and will be in the League Handbook and probably the CCC Handbook.
I feel I must point out that it was written by Mike Dunn, once of Southgate, Edmonton, Hertfordshire, Warwickshire and various places ‘oop north. I should further state that Dunny is a) a Yorkshireman, b) a socialist and c) related to me so much must be allowed when reading this.
“David Evans was the inspirational captain of Edmonton CC, his local club which was Evening Standard pacesetter in the 1960’s. He was the initiator of the first Club Cricket Conference (CCC) tour to Australia in 1970/71 with the famous expression “why not?” in response to an invitation from the Australian Old Collegians (AOC) to tour their country. CCC had politely declined four previous invitations. David Evans changed all that and hundreds of amateur cricketers went on to represent their country in Oz, NZ, Africa and the West Indies. Under-25 teams were established and also enjoyed overseas tours.
David, though living in Harpenden for most of his life, was a talented North London boy. Rejected in soccer and cricket at 20, he turned his talent to business, becoming a multi-millionaire through hard work. He found time to maintain a high profile in his role as MP for Welwyn Hatfield, unafraid to proclaim his views such as on the punishment of criminals.
He generously provided ‘chicken feed’ finance (as he called it) for junior cricket programmes, for an Edmonton CC Academy/junior development programme. However, David’s ‘entrepreneurial’ methods cost Edmonton its place in the top Middlesex leagues when challenged by rival clubs. He subsidised John Snow to finish his career at the club, a wonderful example of professionalism and inspirational to talented younger players there. Among the successful players nurtured in David’s Edmonton, were Kevan James who went on to be successful at Hampshire, Keith Brown to Middlesex and Adrian Pierson to Leicester/Warwickshire. Many others were filtered into successful London clubs when Edmonton was demoted. When you see the third-class cricketers who now flood the semi-pro League market, you wonder about the modern game, and you understand the common sense that David Evans brought to a changing world with his background. David was well ahead of most League thinking and, compared to today, an honest man.
David also used his chicken feed to promote good causes, and many charities had the benefit of his no nonsense energy. At home with his wife Janice he was a devoted hardworking husband and father. Life will not be as honest without a man who gave so much to public life. Thanks David.”
KP Matters
The cosmopolitan Great Jack Morgan contributed the following to the great KP debate
Who is Barry Rickson? It was nice to read a bit a sense to counterbalance all the xenophobic crap you choose to publish, but you had to spoil it by reverting to prejudiced nonsense immediately after printing the sane view. It is troubling to read that you still want to bar someone from playing for England when he i) has an English mother; ii) has English grandparents (sufficient grounds alone to qualify in many sports); and iii) also fulfilled the residential qualification of four years ages ago. Just how qualified does he have to be?
South Hampstead Matters
At the Ladies Day at South Hampstead last season Carole Perham gave me the following photo which was taken on a tour in the early sixties.
Identification of the personnel is limited to the following:
Harry Collins, Audrey Hawdon, Bob Peach, Terry Cordaroy, ?, Dickie Brookes, ?, ?, Bob Cleaver, Colin Newcombe, Colin Ezer, Basil Wright, Laurie Israel, Lady A, ? Brooman, Lady B.
I think that Ladies A & B were the two ladies who accompanied Harry Collins on all occasions. One of the question marks is probably Brian Shadwell, which could make Lady A his wife, June. The puzzling thing about this party though is why Basil Wright of Hornsey CC was in it. I can only assume that he was invited to help out because the club was short of numbers.
Carole did not know who the photographer was but my money would go on Tony Hawdon who was generally in attendance with Audrey.
Bush Matters
Jim Revier was so taken aback at the photo of his cousin and supposed wife in the last issue that he sent me the following
“I must comment on the photo of "Mrs Revier", Gates and the Great Jack Morgan in the current issue of Googlies. I spent time with Arthur last week and apart from a gammy hip the old boy seemed in fine fettle. There was certainly no sign of the mental dislocation that seems to have invaded him on this one. As Jack will confirm my wife would have been about twelve when that photo was taken. I have strong doubts her parents would have let her out with Gates and Morgan at such a young age. In fact there are many parents who wouldn’t have let their daughters out with those two at any age. Which leaves one question - who is the poor girl in the photo?”
We will all be pleased to hear the answer to this critical question. Meanwhile here is the latest Bush photo from the archive
This photo is from a 1962 cricket week match and features Bob Talbot leading out a bunch who look like his grandsons. The unanswered question here is why there were only nine of them?
David McIntosh
I received the following from Ian McIntosh
“I have recently lost my father David McIntosh who was a social member of South Hampstead CC for about fifty years a period covering the late1960's and early 1970's during which the club was one of the best teams in London and the South East of England and was able to watch some of the best players who have ever played for the Club.
David was by profession a teacher and taught at various local schools in Willesden for over thirty years ending his career by being for fourteen years Head Master at Furness Road Primary School. He was an avid reader of G&C and a handful of other readers would have had the fruits of his teaching and also his coaching of the schools sports sides.
He was also a member of MCCC and expressed joy at being able to watch Compton and Edrich after his war years at Lord's. Being a proud Scot, he was born in Glasgow in 1920, he was also an admirer of Douglas Jardine's leadership and had watched Bradman bat.”
Football Matters
As readers will know Kelvin West carried out many tasks for Andrew Baker’s Ladies football team, including that of official photographer. Realising how difficult it would be to fill all these roles in one go Kelvin has generously offered Andrew the loan of his niece to act as photographer in the interim period.
Old Danes Gathering
The Old Danes Gathering will take place this year on Friday 31st July at Shepherds Bush CC from 2pm. All Old Danes and friends will be welcome. I am circulating a list of attendees and apologies on a regular basis. If you are planning to attend please advise me accordingly and I will add you to it. The Gathering will run on into the evening and so those who are only able to come after work can be accommodated.
Googlies and Chinamen
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