GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 55
July 2007
Caption Competition
1. Graham Ford- I suppose we should be flattered that we made the short list
Ernie Emburey- I don’t even know where India is.
2. Graham Ford- What credentials did you have for the job?
Ernie- I am an expert in getting employers to be satisfied with an incredibly low level of performance.
3. Graham Ford- What are you going to say to the press when you get back to the UK?
Ernie- I will take plenty of positives from the experience and that I have a major role still to play at Middlesex where there are more relegations to be achieved. Hang on a bit, no there aren’t. I’ve already achieved all of those already.
4. Ernie – I think I got the application forms mixed up. I couldn’t understand why Manchester City were playing their home games in Mumbai.
5. Ernie – I thought that the BCCI would speak English. When Irfan Pathan played for us a couple of years back I just told him to run in and bowl and I thought that he understood exactly what I meant. I didn’t realise that he probably….
Graham Ford - ZZZZZZZZZZZZ
6. Graham Ford – I told them that I took a different approach to Greg Chappell who came from a high profile international background.
Ernie – I told them that I consider myself to be a dynamic leader of men who has an endless supply of solutions to modern management problems. I also mentioned that I am a pal of Graham Gooch.
Graham Ford – What!
Test Matters
I was fortunate enough to be at the first day of each of the first three West Indies tests. Here are a few observations:
Fun Loving Lancastrians at play
Out and (Swimming) About with the Professor
The Professor sent me these sodden jottings
Every Club should have one…and many do. He has been around for years, always on the fringes, never quite bold or certain enough to take centre stage. He has helped out in umpteen different ways but not, of course as “Chairman” or “Secretary” or anything quite so pompous. Self effacing, modest in all things, the opposite of brash or cocky he is, in short, a treasure. Ours is called Kevin but is universally known as “The Badger”.
I’ve no idea when The Badger joined Welwyn Garden City – it must have been at least 30 years’ ago. He has played for every team at every level – often not as first choice but happy to fill-in for a late drop-out. His cricket has always been enthusiastic rather than especially gifted and while there have been useful contributions over the years, nothing as solipsistic as a hundred or 5-fer – which would inevitably have brought too much attention. Any praise for a good performance was always met by a shy and slightly bashful blush. This would be charming in a young lad but the Badger has grey hair (of course) and it is delightful in a man of mature years.
Unsurprisingly, the Badger is also something of a worrier. Well, it might be more accurate to say he is the epitome of a worrier. He worries about everything…all the time…always. He knows he is a worrier …and no doubt this is a further cause of worry. To go with the worrying, of course, there are the apologies. The Badger doesn’t like to let more than two or three sentences go by without a “sorry”…or perhaps two. There is seldom anything to be sorry for (although there have been one or two shows of petulance over the years) but that hasn’t reduced the “sorry” quotient.
This year, as you know, WGCCC started a 5th XI. We had put out occasional 5th teams in the past but this was a League entry with a full fixture list. Who would you get to captain such a squad? Well, sorry, but it had to be the Badger. So on Saturday I looked in at Welwyn Garden-sur-mer to find the 1st XI game cancelled (and the 3rds and 4ths) but the 5th team, who play on an artificial strip, changed and ready to take on the might of Stevenage 5ths.
The side is a mixture, as you might imagine, of enthusiastic dads and some young lads, one or two of whom (the lads) will, I suspect, prove to be very good cricketers in time. When I got to the ground we were batting and had lost a couple of wickets which had thus bought to the crease our apologetic captain. At this level there is a fair sprinkling of long hops and full bungers and if, like Kevin, you have played a bit over the years, some of them looked like easy runs. But, as always, bad balls have to be put away… and so the Badger did (taking care not to hit the ball too far, or with too flamboyant a stroke). The grass was wet but the sun was shining and the Badger had passed 50 and was still (sorry) at the crease. Some full length bowling brought out the sweep shot which had not been seen for a decade or so and a new man at the other end also decided on a few quick singles. We were now in dangerous territory for the self-effacing…we were in the 90s. Another sweep, a cut and then an agonising wait while the other batsman took a single from the last ball of four consecutive overs. But then another short ball and a chop down to Third Man, an easy single, possibly two…”Run Up Badge”, a pause, just enough hesitation to apologise to the cricketing gods but then a scuttle through on 50-year-old-legs and the Badger had got his ton.
There will be better hundreds scored this year…there will not be a more popular one.
You will have seen that I have changed email address and ISP. I have ditched Outlook Express (which was neither) and Wanadon't. I sent out the routine notification to my address book and have got the expected acknowledgements and a plethora of "gone away", "no such address/person"- type auto-responses. Except from one Bill Hart. He simply wrote: "Kindly remove my name from your address book".
Don Bennett Matters
I spent an extremely cold and windy day at Hove with the Great Jack Morgan watching Sussex and Surrey in the County Championship earlier this season and the topic of conversation meandered inevitably, as you would expect, to Don Bennett. Jack made the outrageous claim that this seminal figure had won his county cap at the tender age of eighteen and he subsequently verified it to me in an email. I responded: “How come you know all this Don stuff? I am starting to think that you have pulled these unlikely dates on me before. It does seem odd that he won his cap at eighteen. I thought that they really had to earn them back then? It was post war and Middlesex like everyone else were probably short of bowlers. Had he had a good season? How regular a member of the side was he? He always seemed to be marginal. If they had good quicks he was the first to be left out as he couldn’t command a place on his batting alone.”
He replied: “I just remembered that Don Bennett started very young at both cricket and football, though it took him much longer to make an impact at football, in fact (though he was an England Youth international), he never did make an impact at Arsenal did he? He played regularly for Middlesex in both 1951 and 1952, but may have been capped prematurely. He hadn’t achieved much with the bat by 1952 (average 14) and although he was fairly well placed in the bowling averages, his wickets total looks meagre in comparison to Jack Young’s vast hauls of 136 and 142. I seem to remember that he held on to his place pretty well because there wasn’t much competition. Warr retired and then just as Price had emerged, Moss retired as well. All of which left Don as the no 2 paceman, one of the reasons that Middlesex never threatened the championship in the late fifties and throughout the sixties. I was speaking to a bloke at a 2s game a few years ago and he told me that he had recently been to see the 2s against Warwickshire at Coventry. He was absolutely baffled that when Don arrived at the ground, he was greeted like royalty. His football knowledge was obviously not up to scratch and I had to inform him that Don had played for Coventry City and that, presumably, accounted for his celebrity with the locals.”
England Bowling Matters The England bowling has been abysmal. In a year in which Cartwright and Jackson have passed, and they only won a handful of caps between them, it is outrageous that Harmison and Plunkett are allowed to bowl for England at all. The level of excuses for these two is becoming incredible. It is said that Plunkett bowls the odd good ball and that Harmison bowled a reasonable over because it didn’t contain any wides.
Harmison’s test career is interesting. If his career of over fifty tests is broken down into tens, in only the second ten (the WI tour) did he take over thirty-five wickets with an average below thirty-five. His only other noteworthy performance was at Old Trafford last year. So actually he doesn’t often perform below par. His par is actually pretty low. He just had one purple period. He has always sprayed it around and will no doubt continue to do so until they ultimately give up on him.
Pedantic Matters
No prizes for guessing who sent me this
I am getting a bit irritated by everyone referring to the Riverside, Chester-le-Street as “Durham”. It narrows it down to the correct county, I suppose, but why not use one of the two names given above, as happens with every other ground. It is Old Trafford or Manchester, Headingley or Leeds, Edgbaston or Birmingham, Trent Bridge or Nottingham. Why should Chester-le-Street be any different? I can imagine people turning up in the wrong town and asking where the ground is.
Middlesex Matters
The Great Jack Morgan also sent me this
You asked me what the strongest Middlesex team would be, but it is almost impossible to answer this because of: i) the never-ending sequence of injuries; ii) international calls (including England U-19s); iii) overseas players returning to represent their countries (e.g. Vaas); iv) rotation of the pace bowlers; and v) different bowlers being required for different conditions. Nevertheless, I have named a squad of 12 with the last place resting between Dalrymple and Murtagh: Godleman, Compton, Shah, Joyce, Smith, Nash, Dalrymple or Murtagh, Vaas, Kartik, Silverwood, Richardson. To illustrate how fluid the situation is however, I offer the following as examples of how things could change: i) Hutton and Morgan will be aware that the modest form of Compton and Dalrymple, coupled with Godleman’s looming absence with the U-19s, will give them a chance of a recall; ii) Peploe will also fancy his chances of grabbing Dalrymple’s place; iii) Johnson was unlucky to be left out, but Vaas’s return to SL and the injuries to Richardson and Murtagh would make him a certainty if he were not always injured himself, of course, which was the main reason that I left him out in the first place; iv) I doubt that Keegan is fit for four day cricket, but as we are now entering the 20/20 season, he might become a banker, especially as others will be absent, which might also let in Wright-Whelan; and v) Scott needed Nash to become unavailable to get another chance and Nashy has conveniently obliged by dropping out of the current game against Essex.
Modern Mysteries
At some point during a day’s cricket watching the question inevitably arises as to how fast the quicks are actually bowling. At test matches the large screen often obliges by showing the various speeds of each ball in the over. In Harmison and Plunkett’s case this is now supplemented by a “degree of deviation” quotient, which enables those who are not watching from behind the bowler’s arm to tell how wide their delivery is. Any quotient over 5 degrees is a wide. For example, a typical Harmison delivery will be 87mph 32 degrees wide.
But the big question is: “How do they measure the speed?” No doubt some sort of radar gun is used, but is it used at the beginning of the delivery, just before it pitches or after the ball has bounced? Each case would give a different reading. Or does it in some fiendishly complicated way measure all three and come up with some sort of average? The interesting thing is that everyone accepts the finding as absolutely correct and never questions it, unlike Hawkeye, which the commentators increasingly qualify with comments such as: “Hawkeye suggests that it may have clipped the bail.”
Personally I think there is probably some guy in a flat cap on the mid wicket boundary who watches the game and says to himself “Wow that was quick, lets call it 89mph” and flashes it up on the screen. Alternatively, when he sees an obvious slower ball he says, “Ah yes 78.4mph”, adding the percentage point to eliminate any questioning of the procedure.
KP Matters
Barry Rickson holds no truck with Peter Ray’s views. He responded as follows:
“I find the derogatory remarks about Pietersen by various correspondents absolutely unbelievable. He may or may not have a large ego but the main point is that he scores runs in profusion in an entertaining manner. The comparison with Bell is absolutely ludicrous as in two Ashes series against by far the best team in the world Pietersen has averaged over 50 - could your correspondent please inform us of Bell's record in these games? Bell is a very pleasant player to watch but the majority of his runs have come against weak attacks. As for KP's ego it is strange that Australians are complimented for having so much self-belief and determination to prove themselves to be the best but woe betide any batsman playing for England who possesses such qualities; surely in this case he must be arrogant and cocky. Do these qualities prevent such as Matthew Hayden and Rickie Ponting from being great batsmen? The nickname of PPS is too stupid to be worthy of serious comment or discussion - just look at the score-book!”
I replied, “It is interesting that on this controversial topic you are the first to defend KP. Peter Ray has probably allowed his bigotry to get the better of him but it makes for fun exchanges. I sense that KP has deliberately lowered his profile of late and has given up silly hairstyles and general mouthing off. He may almost be becoming British, but then I shall be in trouble with other correspondents who will accuse me of xenophobia.”
Eric Tracey sent me this : “ I think KP has been pretty well behaved this year – no nightclub silliness or newspaper stories and an overt effort to appear a responsible test match player with a normal haircut ….quite different from his first year on the scene. He has made a real effort to be serious and “grown up” and has mostly (but not always) batted sensibly too.”
The Great Jack Morgan joined in as well: “I think your correspondents should put aside their personal dislike for the PPS and his lifestyle when assessing his performances and overall record. Which is not to say that, like everyone, he does not sometimes deserve criticism, but let that criticism be based on his play. If the book is crap, don’t buy it, but do not let it influence your opinion of KP’s skills as a batsman. I also believe that many people would be happy to “swan around with models”, given the opportunity (and what exactly is wrong with that particular pastime anyway?), though I believe that KP’s fiancée is actually a singer.”
Meanwhile both David Tune and Charlie Puckett sent me this:
“Were you aware that the PPS is called “Figjam” by the wearers of the Baggy Green -- “Fuck, I’m good; just ask me!”
KP and Jessica Taylor seen playing with his balls
Second Eleven Matters The Great Jack Morgan sent me this report I had two days at Sutton, which is all it took for your boys (a strong Lancs 2nd XI) to see off Surrey 2s by 10 wickets. The Lancs team was Paul Horton (captain), Iain Sutcliffe, Karl Brown, Steve Croft, Gareth Cross (w/k), Kyle Hogg, Tom Smith, Steve Mullaney, Simon Marshall, Steve Parry, Ollie Newby and Gary Keedy (nominated non-batter). Many people take the view that 2nd XI cricket is not about winning or losing, but is about bringing through young cricketers, having a good look at all contenders and giving everyone a chance to display their skills. Lancs do not subscribe to this view. They dearly wanted to win the match and captain Horton was happy to bowl his best bowlers into the ground in order to achieve his objective. His view of his best bowlers (for these conditions) was as follows: 1 Smith 2 Newby 3 Hogg 4 Keedy 5 Croft, which meant that promising young all-rounders Mullaney, Marshall and Parry (who batted 8, 9 and 10) bowled two overs between them in the match, while Smith bowled (I think) nineteen consecutive overs on day 2.
I was thoroughly impressed with Smith. He still has no pace, but his accuracy and stamina were superb and he was even getting some movement, which he had not done at Lord’s last year: he thoroughly deserved his ten wickets in the match. He also batted sensibly in a stand of 62 with Hogg, though he only contributed 11 himself. Newby was less impressive than when I had last seen him, but he has pace and bounce and will surely get wickets. He struggled with his line however, especially against the left-handers, but he contributed a quick 31 from no 11. Hogg bowled better than he had done on previous viewings, bowling rather slower, possibly taking a leaf out of Smith’s book, but his batting remains his stronger suit, his 101 was the innings of the match. Karl Brown is the WC’s Rising Star for June and he made a steady 42 while the early part of the Lancs first innings was disintegrating. They were rescued by Hogg, capably assisted by Mullaney (28), Marshall (47*) and Newby.
For Surrey, only Richard Clinton and Chris Schofield managed to struggle past fifty. I thought Solly (shouldn’t it be “Sally”?) bowled poorly at Hove, but Schoey is no better on this form. Clinton, first change for the first team at Hove, was not required to bowl. Surrey’s main bowling weapon was Jade Dernbach, but like Smith, he was overbowled by both the home captains Stewart Walters (the official captain) and his deputy Rory Hamilton-Brown (who stood in when Walters failed to take the field on day one for non-injury reasons). Dernbach has pace, but was less impressive than when I saw him at Cheam last year, his line and length being much too variable. His four wickets were very expensive and cost more than double the four achieved by the less pacey beanpole Richard Hodgkinson. The ex-Northants batsman Tom Huggins continues his efforts to get back into senior cricket. Last season he averaged over 55 while top scoring for Essex 2s, but no contract came his way, as Essex’s priority is bowlers. I do not think that he will fare any better at Surrey either because he failed in both innings in this match.
Surrey 247 (RS Clinton 62) and 149 (CP Schofield 68, TC Smith 7 wickets); Lancs 336 (KW Hogg 101, JW Dernbach and R Hodgkinson 4 wickets each) and 63-0. Lancs won by ten wickets.
I saw the second day of the 2s game between Surrey and Hants at the Oval. Hants rattled up 430 – 6 dec (Chris Benham (captain) 123, Sean Ervine 95, Liam Dawson 56, Greg Lamb 54*) to which Surrey replied with 324 – 8 dec (Richard Clinton 130, Chris Jordan 51*) and by the close Hants were leading by 200 with 8 wickets standing and looking on course for victory. The strength of the Hampshire bowling was astonishing and rivalled the strong Lancashire attack recently witnessed at Sutton. They had five first team seamers in James Bruce, James Tomlinson, Billy Taylor, David Griffiths and Ervine and three useful spinners in Lamb, Dawson and Mitchell Stokes: a stark contrast to the threadbare “attacks” being fielded by Surrey and Middlesex in second team cricket. Surrey’s only first team bowler was Nyan Doshi (1-80), not counting Clinton, who actually managed a creditable 2-39. The other remarkable point about the match for suffering second team watchers was that both the electronic scoreboards at the Oval were in full operation and every batsman, bowler and catcher was clearly identified by name or number or both: absolute bliss and a far cry from the poverty of information displayed at Ealing, Richmond, Uxbridge etc.
The Baxter Report
Steve Thompson responded to Bob’s historical analysis as follows
I’m hoping to play in a game or two this year but only if I can borrow one of these ridiculous magic bats which seem to me to be the reason why the perception is that batting is of a higher standard these days. My theory is that if the bowling is poorer, see Bob Baxter, (interestingly they haven't adapted the ball in any way over the years) and the bats are compacted railway sleepers but remain the same weight as the wands we used it's no wonder a rate of 6 plus an over is commonplace. You only have to look at the scores in local leagues in Herefordshire to see what's happening. Sides either get 300 plus (from 50) and sometimes lose - this is throughout the levels of ability- or when the wicket is only half decent they are bowled out for less than 100 and very often win! I don't think the PPS could bat the way he does with one of the bats we used but Bell almost certainly would score as heavily as he does now.
Cook Matters
No one seemed particularly interested in my photo quiz last month but for those who would like to know the real occasion here is the verbiage that accompanied the photo on the Times blog:
“There once was a time when if a young England cricketer was caught with two naked women it would mean back-page headlines and a public outcry for him to be sacked. Now it is an obligatory part of daily chores. Poor old Alastair Cook had to trot out on to the outfield at the Ford County Ground in Chelmsford yesterday and pose with two young ladies who were dressed only in body paint. The photo shoot was for a near nude calendar designed to raise money for the CHASE Ben Hollioake Fund and the Babes in Arms cot-death research charity. Emma Sayle and Natalie Sisson spent two hours in make-up in the away dressing-room having a rather yellowy England Test cricket kit painted on to them, the most time that anyone has spent in front of the mirror at Chelmsford since Mark Nicholas visited with Hampshire in 1993.”
Red Mist Matters
Back in May Pakistan played Sri Lanka in an ODI in Abu Dhabi. Sri Lanka made a modest 235 from their 50 overs but were well on course for victory when they reduced Pakistan to 137 for 5. Unfortunately for them this brought Red Mist Afridi, himself, to the crease. Afridi scored 73 not out from 34 balls including eight fours and four sixes and Pakistan won by five wickets with eight overs to spare.
Strange Matters
In answer to Nick Reed’s poser a couple of editions back: “A propos of very little is Trevor Jesty the best English player of recent years never to win a test cap?” the Great Jack Morgan replied: “My nomination for this award is Ally Brown (career average 43). Jesty was a very useful all rounder, but his bowling, in particular, was too medium-paced for Test cricket. Both Trevor and Ally, of course, had the consolation of appearing in ODIs.”
Old Danes Gathering
The Social event of the summer is now almost upon us. Old Danes from all generations will be gathering at Shepherds Bush CC on Friday 27 July from 2pm. It will be an informal event which is not confined to cricketers. Please spread the word and encourage any Old Danes you are in contact with to attend.
Shepherds Bush CC is now located in East Acton on the playing field adjacent to its former ground. Access to the new ground is via Bromyard Avenue.
Errata Matters
Barry Rickson pointed out that David Lloyd’s double test century was at Edgbaston and not at Lords as previously noted. I publish this primarily to annoy the Great Jack Morgan who sends me pages of errata each month and which I never publish.
Strange Elevens
Ian MacIntosh thought that last month’s bunch of Middlesex players had all been at Oxford but Steve Thompson correctly suggested that they were more correctly Oxbridge alumni who have worn the seaxe. Here is the Great Jack Morgan’s latest offering for you:
Jimmy Cook
Steve James
David Fulton
Ken McEwan (w/k)
Mal Loye
Phil Simmons
Neal Radford
Mushtaq Ahmed
Steve Watkin
Peter Lee
Barry Stead
As usual all you have to do is decide which Jazz Hat fits them all.
South Hampstead Memorabilia Matters
Bob Peach tells me that visitors to South Hampstead this year will find themselves entering through new gates that actually open and shut, as long as you’ve got one of the only two keys available! They will be further surprised to read the score on an electronic score box. To balance these modern innovations the club is also considering establishing a shrine to members, achievements, records and events; and is investigating the availability of appropriate items. Whilst old sightscreens and score boxes are probably too large all ideas are welcome, such as team and individual photos, paintings, press reports, old scorecards, fixture cards, equipment and clothing, competition trophies, cups, tankards medals, hat-trick balls etc. If anybody has something suitable which they are happy to donate could they please let Ken James, Jim Sharp or Bob Peach know the details; and we can then work out how this may be put together.
Football Matters
Andrew Baker disappointed a bunch of Googlies readers on the first day of the Old Trafford test when he appeared without any of his ladies’ soccer team. This didn’t stop them quizzing him as to how he keeps them fit during the off-season months. “Easy”, he replied “I have got them playing cricket and have entered them in the local league”. Kelvin West, of course, already knew this and he has been following the side’s early matches. He sent me these shots of the team in action;
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An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 55
July 2007
Caption Competition
1. Graham Ford- I suppose we should be flattered that we made the short list
Ernie Emburey- I don’t even know where India is.
2. Graham Ford- What credentials did you have for the job?
Ernie- I am an expert in getting employers to be satisfied with an incredibly low level of performance.
3. Graham Ford- What are you going to say to the press when you get back to the UK?
Ernie- I will take plenty of positives from the experience and that I have a major role still to play at Middlesex where there are more relegations to be achieved. Hang on a bit, no there aren’t. I’ve already achieved all of those already.
4. Ernie – I think I got the application forms mixed up. I couldn’t understand why Manchester City were playing their home games in Mumbai.
5. Ernie – I thought that the BCCI would speak English. When Irfan Pathan played for us a couple of years back I just told him to run in and bowl and I thought that he understood exactly what I meant. I didn’t realise that he probably….
Graham Ford - ZZZZZZZZZZZZ
6. Graham Ford – I told them that I took a different approach to Greg Chappell who came from a high profile international background.
Ernie – I told them that I consider myself to be a dynamic leader of men who has an endless supply of solutions to modern management problems. I also mentioned that I am a pal of Graham Gooch.
Graham Ford – What!
Test Matters
I was fortunate enough to be at the first day of each of the first three West Indies tests. Here are a few observations:
- New Ball Bowling
- Taylor and Powell were crap with the new ball at Lords
- Taylor and Powell were crap with the new ball at Headingley
- Edwards and Taylor were crap with the new ball at Old Trafford
- Security
- Plastic Snakes
- At Headingley the Fun Loving Yorkshiremen in the West Stand made their long horizontal plastic beer mug snakes all day and threw beer at the Green Team and everyone else.
- At Old Trafford the Fun Loving Lancastrians made vertical beer mug plastic snakes and used their cardboard trays as Frisbees.
- At Lords there were no plastic snakes.
Fun Loving Lancastrians at play
- Mexican Wave
- At Headingley the Fun Loving Yorkshiremen had seven hundred and four attempts to get a Mexican Wave going.
- At Old Trafford the Mexican Waves were augmented by showers of confetti made from torn paper of every description.
- At Lords there were no Mexican waves.
- Jerusalem
- Barmy Army
- Jimmy and the Barmy Army were in evidence in the West Stand at Headingley but even they couldn’t compete with the Fun loving Yorkshiremen and their snakes.
- At Old Trafford gangs of schoolchildren wearing Asda green constituted the Barmy Army and their pre-pubescent voices eliminated the menace if not the tedium of the chants.
- There was no Barmy Army at Lords.
- KP
- Cook
Out and (Swimming) About with the Professor
The Professor sent me these sodden jottings
Every Club should have one…and many do. He has been around for years, always on the fringes, never quite bold or certain enough to take centre stage. He has helped out in umpteen different ways but not, of course as “Chairman” or “Secretary” or anything quite so pompous. Self effacing, modest in all things, the opposite of brash or cocky he is, in short, a treasure. Ours is called Kevin but is universally known as “The Badger”.
I’ve no idea when The Badger joined Welwyn Garden City – it must have been at least 30 years’ ago. He has played for every team at every level – often not as first choice but happy to fill-in for a late drop-out. His cricket has always been enthusiastic rather than especially gifted and while there have been useful contributions over the years, nothing as solipsistic as a hundred or 5-fer – which would inevitably have brought too much attention. Any praise for a good performance was always met by a shy and slightly bashful blush. This would be charming in a young lad but the Badger has grey hair (of course) and it is delightful in a man of mature years.
Unsurprisingly, the Badger is also something of a worrier. Well, it might be more accurate to say he is the epitome of a worrier. He worries about everything…all the time…always. He knows he is a worrier …and no doubt this is a further cause of worry. To go with the worrying, of course, there are the apologies. The Badger doesn’t like to let more than two or three sentences go by without a “sorry”…or perhaps two. There is seldom anything to be sorry for (although there have been one or two shows of petulance over the years) but that hasn’t reduced the “sorry” quotient.
This year, as you know, WGCCC started a 5th XI. We had put out occasional 5th teams in the past but this was a League entry with a full fixture list. Who would you get to captain such a squad? Well, sorry, but it had to be the Badger. So on Saturday I looked in at Welwyn Garden-sur-mer to find the 1st XI game cancelled (and the 3rds and 4ths) but the 5th team, who play on an artificial strip, changed and ready to take on the might of Stevenage 5ths.
The side is a mixture, as you might imagine, of enthusiastic dads and some young lads, one or two of whom (the lads) will, I suspect, prove to be very good cricketers in time. When I got to the ground we were batting and had lost a couple of wickets which had thus bought to the crease our apologetic captain. At this level there is a fair sprinkling of long hops and full bungers and if, like Kevin, you have played a bit over the years, some of them looked like easy runs. But, as always, bad balls have to be put away… and so the Badger did (taking care not to hit the ball too far, or with too flamboyant a stroke). The grass was wet but the sun was shining and the Badger had passed 50 and was still (sorry) at the crease. Some full length bowling brought out the sweep shot which had not been seen for a decade or so and a new man at the other end also decided on a few quick singles. We were now in dangerous territory for the self-effacing…we were in the 90s. Another sweep, a cut and then an agonising wait while the other batsman took a single from the last ball of four consecutive overs. But then another short ball and a chop down to Third Man, an easy single, possibly two…”Run Up Badge”, a pause, just enough hesitation to apologise to the cricketing gods but then a scuttle through on 50-year-old-legs and the Badger had got his ton.
There will be better hundreds scored this year…there will not be a more popular one.
You will have seen that I have changed email address and ISP. I have ditched Outlook Express (which was neither) and Wanadon't. I sent out the routine notification to my address book and have got the expected acknowledgements and a plethora of "gone away", "no such address/person"- type auto-responses. Except from one Bill Hart. He simply wrote: "Kindly remove my name from your address book".
Don Bennett Matters
I spent an extremely cold and windy day at Hove with the Great Jack Morgan watching Sussex and Surrey in the County Championship earlier this season and the topic of conversation meandered inevitably, as you would expect, to Don Bennett. Jack made the outrageous claim that this seminal figure had won his county cap at the tender age of eighteen and he subsequently verified it to me in an email. I responded: “How come you know all this Don stuff? I am starting to think that you have pulled these unlikely dates on me before. It does seem odd that he won his cap at eighteen. I thought that they really had to earn them back then? It was post war and Middlesex like everyone else were probably short of bowlers. Had he had a good season? How regular a member of the side was he? He always seemed to be marginal. If they had good quicks he was the first to be left out as he couldn’t command a place on his batting alone.”
He replied: “I just remembered that Don Bennett started very young at both cricket and football, though it took him much longer to make an impact at football, in fact (though he was an England Youth international), he never did make an impact at Arsenal did he? He played regularly for Middlesex in both 1951 and 1952, but may have been capped prematurely. He hadn’t achieved much with the bat by 1952 (average 14) and although he was fairly well placed in the bowling averages, his wickets total looks meagre in comparison to Jack Young’s vast hauls of 136 and 142. I seem to remember that he held on to his place pretty well because there wasn’t much competition. Warr retired and then just as Price had emerged, Moss retired as well. All of which left Don as the no 2 paceman, one of the reasons that Middlesex never threatened the championship in the late fifties and throughout the sixties. I was speaking to a bloke at a 2s game a few years ago and he told me that he had recently been to see the 2s against Warwickshire at Coventry. He was absolutely baffled that when Don arrived at the ground, he was greeted like royalty. His football knowledge was obviously not up to scratch and I had to inform him that Don had played for Coventry City and that, presumably, accounted for his celebrity with the locals.”
England Bowling Matters The England bowling has been abysmal. In a year in which Cartwright and Jackson have passed, and they only won a handful of caps between them, it is outrageous that Harmison and Plunkett are allowed to bowl for England at all. The level of excuses for these two is becoming incredible. It is said that Plunkett bowls the odd good ball and that Harmison bowled a reasonable over because it didn’t contain any wides.
Harmison’s test career is interesting. If his career of over fifty tests is broken down into tens, in only the second ten (the WI tour) did he take over thirty-five wickets with an average below thirty-five. His only other noteworthy performance was at Old Trafford last year. So actually he doesn’t often perform below par. His par is actually pretty low. He just had one purple period. He has always sprayed it around and will no doubt continue to do so until they ultimately give up on him.
Pedantic Matters
No prizes for guessing who sent me this
I am getting a bit irritated by everyone referring to the Riverside, Chester-le-Street as “Durham”. It narrows it down to the correct county, I suppose, but why not use one of the two names given above, as happens with every other ground. It is Old Trafford or Manchester, Headingley or Leeds, Edgbaston or Birmingham, Trent Bridge or Nottingham. Why should Chester-le-Street be any different? I can imagine people turning up in the wrong town and asking where the ground is.
Middlesex Matters
The Great Jack Morgan also sent me this
You asked me what the strongest Middlesex team would be, but it is almost impossible to answer this because of: i) the never-ending sequence of injuries; ii) international calls (including England U-19s); iii) overseas players returning to represent their countries (e.g. Vaas); iv) rotation of the pace bowlers; and v) different bowlers being required for different conditions. Nevertheless, I have named a squad of 12 with the last place resting between Dalrymple and Murtagh: Godleman, Compton, Shah, Joyce, Smith, Nash, Dalrymple or Murtagh, Vaas, Kartik, Silverwood, Richardson. To illustrate how fluid the situation is however, I offer the following as examples of how things could change: i) Hutton and Morgan will be aware that the modest form of Compton and Dalrymple, coupled with Godleman’s looming absence with the U-19s, will give them a chance of a recall; ii) Peploe will also fancy his chances of grabbing Dalrymple’s place; iii) Johnson was unlucky to be left out, but Vaas’s return to SL and the injuries to Richardson and Murtagh would make him a certainty if he were not always injured himself, of course, which was the main reason that I left him out in the first place; iv) I doubt that Keegan is fit for four day cricket, but as we are now entering the 20/20 season, he might become a banker, especially as others will be absent, which might also let in Wright-Whelan; and v) Scott needed Nash to become unavailable to get another chance and Nashy has conveniently obliged by dropping out of the current game against Essex.
Modern Mysteries
At some point during a day’s cricket watching the question inevitably arises as to how fast the quicks are actually bowling. At test matches the large screen often obliges by showing the various speeds of each ball in the over. In Harmison and Plunkett’s case this is now supplemented by a “degree of deviation” quotient, which enables those who are not watching from behind the bowler’s arm to tell how wide their delivery is. Any quotient over 5 degrees is a wide. For example, a typical Harmison delivery will be 87mph 32 degrees wide.
But the big question is: “How do they measure the speed?” No doubt some sort of radar gun is used, but is it used at the beginning of the delivery, just before it pitches or after the ball has bounced? Each case would give a different reading. Or does it in some fiendishly complicated way measure all three and come up with some sort of average? The interesting thing is that everyone accepts the finding as absolutely correct and never questions it, unlike Hawkeye, which the commentators increasingly qualify with comments such as: “Hawkeye suggests that it may have clipped the bail.”
Personally I think there is probably some guy in a flat cap on the mid wicket boundary who watches the game and says to himself “Wow that was quick, lets call it 89mph” and flashes it up on the screen. Alternatively, when he sees an obvious slower ball he says, “Ah yes 78.4mph”, adding the percentage point to eliminate any questioning of the procedure.
KP Matters
Barry Rickson holds no truck with Peter Ray’s views. He responded as follows:
“I find the derogatory remarks about Pietersen by various correspondents absolutely unbelievable. He may or may not have a large ego but the main point is that he scores runs in profusion in an entertaining manner. The comparison with Bell is absolutely ludicrous as in two Ashes series against by far the best team in the world Pietersen has averaged over 50 - could your correspondent please inform us of Bell's record in these games? Bell is a very pleasant player to watch but the majority of his runs have come against weak attacks. As for KP's ego it is strange that Australians are complimented for having so much self-belief and determination to prove themselves to be the best but woe betide any batsman playing for England who possesses such qualities; surely in this case he must be arrogant and cocky. Do these qualities prevent such as Matthew Hayden and Rickie Ponting from being great batsmen? The nickname of PPS is too stupid to be worthy of serious comment or discussion - just look at the score-book!”
I replied, “It is interesting that on this controversial topic you are the first to defend KP. Peter Ray has probably allowed his bigotry to get the better of him but it makes for fun exchanges. I sense that KP has deliberately lowered his profile of late and has given up silly hairstyles and general mouthing off. He may almost be becoming British, but then I shall be in trouble with other correspondents who will accuse me of xenophobia.”
Eric Tracey sent me this : “ I think KP has been pretty well behaved this year – no nightclub silliness or newspaper stories and an overt effort to appear a responsible test match player with a normal haircut ….quite different from his first year on the scene. He has made a real effort to be serious and “grown up” and has mostly (but not always) batted sensibly too.”
The Great Jack Morgan joined in as well: “I think your correspondents should put aside their personal dislike for the PPS and his lifestyle when assessing his performances and overall record. Which is not to say that, like everyone, he does not sometimes deserve criticism, but let that criticism be based on his play. If the book is crap, don’t buy it, but do not let it influence your opinion of KP’s skills as a batsman. I also believe that many people would be happy to “swan around with models”, given the opportunity (and what exactly is wrong with that particular pastime anyway?), though I believe that KP’s fiancée is actually a singer.”
Meanwhile both David Tune and Charlie Puckett sent me this:
“Were you aware that the PPS is called “Figjam” by the wearers of the Baggy Green -- “Fuck, I’m good; just ask me!”
KP and Jessica Taylor seen playing with his balls
Second Eleven Matters The Great Jack Morgan sent me this report I had two days at Sutton, which is all it took for your boys (a strong Lancs 2nd XI) to see off Surrey 2s by 10 wickets. The Lancs team was Paul Horton (captain), Iain Sutcliffe, Karl Brown, Steve Croft, Gareth Cross (w/k), Kyle Hogg, Tom Smith, Steve Mullaney, Simon Marshall, Steve Parry, Ollie Newby and Gary Keedy (nominated non-batter). Many people take the view that 2nd XI cricket is not about winning or losing, but is about bringing through young cricketers, having a good look at all contenders and giving everyone a chance to display their skills. Lancs do not subscribe to this view. They dearly wanted to win the match and captain Horton was happy to bowl his best bowlers into the ground in order to achieve his objective. His view of his best bowlers (for these conditions) was as follows: 1 Smith 2 Newby 3 Hogg 4 Keedy 5 Croft, which meant that promising young all-rounders Mullaney, Marshall and Parry (who batted 8, 9 and 10) bowled two overs between them in the match, while Smith bowled (I think) nineteen consecutive overs on day 2.
I was thoroughly impressed with Smith. He still has no pace, but his accuracy and stamina were superb and he was even getting some movement, which he had not done at Lord’s last year: he thoroughly deserved his ten wickets in the match. He also batted sensibly in a stand of 62 with Hogg, though he only contributed 11 himself. Newby was less impressive than when I had last seen him, but he has pace and bounce and will surely get wickets. He struggled with his line however, especially against the left-handers, but he contributed a quick 31 from no 11. Hogg bowled better than he had done on previous viewings, bowling rather slower, possibly taking a leaf out of Smith’s book, but his batting remains his stronger suit, his 101 was the innings of the match. Karl Brown is the WC’s Rising Star for June and he made a steady 42 while the early part of the Lancs first innings was disintegrating. They were rescued by Hogg, capably assisted by Mullaney (28), Marshall (47*) and Newby.
For Surrey, only Richard Clinton and Chris Schofield managed to struggle past fifty. I thought Solly (shouldn’t it be “Sally”?) bowled poorly at Hove, but Schoey is no better on this form. Clinton, first change for the first team at Hove, was not required to bowl. Surrey’s main bowling weapon was Jade Dernbach, but like Smith, he was overbowled by both the home captains Stewart Walters (the official captain) and his deputy Rory Hamilton-Brown (who stood in when Walters failed to take the field on day one for non-injury reasons). Dernbach has pace, but was less impressive than when I saw him at Cheam last year, his line and length being much too variable. His four wickets were very expensive and cost more than double the four achieved by the less pacey beanpole Richard Hodgkinson. The ex-Northants batsman Tom Huggins continues his efforts to get back into senior cricket. Last season he averaged over 55 while top scoring for Essex 2s, but no contract came his way, as Essex’s priority is bowlers. I do not think that he will fare any better at Surrey either because he failed in both innings in this match.
Surrey 247 (RS Clinton 62) and 149 (CP Schofield 68, TC Smith 7 wickets); Lancs 336 (KW Hogg 101, JW Dernbach and R Hodgkinson 4 wickets each) and 63-0. Lancs won by ten wickets.
I saw the second day of the 2s game between Surrey and Hants at the Oval. Hants rattled up 430 – 6 dec (Chris Benham (captain) 123, Sean Ervine 95, Liam Dawson 56, Greg Lamb 54*) to which Surrey replied with 324 – 8 dec (Richard Clinton 130, Chris Jordan 51*) and by the close Hants were leading by 200 with 8 wickets standing and looking on course for victory. The strength of the Hampshire bowling was astonishing and rivalled the strong Lancashire attack recently witnessed at Sutton. They had five first team seamers in James Bruce, James Tomlinson, Billy Taylor, David Griffiths and Ervine and three useful spinners in Lamb, Dawson and Mitchell Stokes: a stark contrast to the threadbare “attacks” being fielded by Surrey and Middlesex in second team cricket. Surrey’s only first team bowler was Nyan Doshi (1-80), not counting Clinton, who actually managed a creditable 2-39. The other remarkable point about the match for suffering second team watchers was that both the electronic scoreboards at the Oval were in full operation and every batsman, bowler and catcher was clearly identified by name or number or both: absolute bliss and a far cry from the poverty of information displayed at Ealing, Richmond, Uxbridge etc.
The Baxter Report
Steve Thompson responded to Bob’s historical analysis as follows
I’m hoping to play in a game or two this year but only if I can borrow one of these ridiculous magic bats which seem to me to be the reason why the perception is that batting is of a higher standard these days. My theory is that if the bowling is poorer, see Bob Baxter, (interestingly they haven't adapted the ball in any way over the years) and the bats are compacted railway sleepers but remain the same weight as the wands we used it's no wonder a rate of 6 plus an over is commonplace. You only have to look at the scores in local leagues in Herefordshire to see what's happening. Sides either get 300 plus (from 50) and sometimes lose - this is throughout the levels of ability- or when the wicket is only half decent they are bowled out for less than 100 and very often win! I don't think the PPS could bat the way he does with one of the bats we used but Bell almost certainly would score as heavily as he does now.
Cook Matters
No one seemed particularly interested in my photo quiz last month but for those who would like to know the real occasion here is the verbiage that accompanied the photo on the Times blog:
“There once was a time when if a young England cricketer was caught with two naked women it would mean back-page headlines and a public outcry for him to be sacked. Now it is an obligatory part of daily chores. Poor old Alastair Cook had to trot out on to the outfield at the Ford County Ground in Chelmsford yesterday and pose with two young ladies who were dressed only in body paint. The photo shoot was for a near nude calendar designed to raise money for the CHASE Ben Hollioake Fund and the Babes in Arms cot-death research charity. Emma Sayle and Natalie Sisson spent two hours in make-up in the away dressing-room having a rather yellowy England Test cricket kit painted on to them, the most time that anyone has spent in front of the mirror at Chelmsford since Mark Nicholas visited with Hampshire in 1993.”
Red Mist Matters
Back in May Pakistan played Sri Lanka in an ODI in Abu Dhabi. Sri Lanka made a modest 235 from their 50 overs but were well on course for victory when they reduced Pakistan to 137 for 5. Unfortunately for them this brought Red Mist Afridi, himself, to the crease. Afridi scored 73 not out from 34 balls including eight fours and four sixes and Pakistan won by five wickets with eight overs to spare.
Strange Matters
In answer to Nick Reed’s poser a couple of editions back: “A propos of very little is Trevor Jesty the best English player of recent years never to win a test cap?” the Great Jack Morgan replied: “My nomination for this award is Ally Brown (career average 43). Jesty was a very useful all rounder, but his bowling, in particular, was too medium-paced for Test cricket. Both Trevor and Ally, of course, had the consolation of appearing in ODIs.”
Old Danes Gathering
The Social event of the summer is now almost upon us. Old Danes from all generations will be gathering at Shepherds Bush CC on Friday 27 July from 2pm. It will be an informal event which is not confined to cricketers. Please spread the word and encourage any Old Danes you are in contact with to attend.
Shepherds Bush CC is now located in East Acton on the playing field adjacent to its former ground. Access to the new ground is via Bromyard Avenue.
Errata Matters
Barry Rickson pointed out that David Lloyd’s double test century was at Edgbaston and not at Lords as previously noted. I publish this primarily to annoy the Great Jack Morgan who sends me pages of errata each month and which I never publish.
Strange Elevens
Ian MacIntosh thought that last month’s bunch of Middlesex players had all been at Oxford but Steve Thompson correctly suggested that they were more correctly Oxbridge alumni who have worn the seaxe. Here is the Great Jack Morgan’s latest offering for you:
Jimmy Cook
Steve James
David Fulton
Ken McEwan (w/k)
Mal Loye
Phil Simmons
Neal Radford
Mushtaq Ahmed
Steve Watkin
Peter Lee
Barry Stead
As usual all you have to do is decide which Jazz Hat fits them all.
South Hampstead Memorabilia Matters
Bob Peach tells me that visitors to South Hampstead this year will find themselves entering through new gates that actually open and shut, as long as you’ve got one of the only two keys available! They will be further surprised to read the score on an electronic score box. To balance these modern innovations the club is also considering establishing a shrine to members, achievements, records and events; and is investigating the availability of appropriate items. Whilst old sightscreens and score boxes are probably too large all ideas are welcome, such as team and individual photos, paintings, press reports, old scorecards, fixture cards, equipment and clothing, competition trophies, cups, tankards medals, hat-trick balls etc. If anybody has something suitable which they are happy to donate could they please let Ken James, Jim Sharp or Bob Peach know the details; and we can then work out how this may be put together.
Football Matters
Andrew Baker disappointed a bunch of Googlies readers on the first day of the Old Trafford test when he appeared without any of his ladies’ soccer team. This didn’t stop them quizzing him as to how he keeps them fit during the off-season months. “Easy”, he replied “I have got them playing cricket and have entered them in the local league”. Kelvin West, of course, already knew this and he has been following the side’s early matches. He sent me these shots of the team in action;
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