GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 56
August 2007
Caption Competition
Ken Molloy sent me this delightful picture
1. Proprietor: If you are looking for Duncan Fletcher, he is out the back.
2. Peter Moores: I would like to place a large advance order for 2009, please.
3. Sven Goran Erickson: Do you deliver to Manchester?
4. Victoria Beckham: I would like to order five designer paddles with tattoos on the handle and the Spice Girls embossed on the blade.
5. Michael Clarke: Do you do lemon rubber grips with matching gloves?
6. Banger: I am wondering if you can help me. I know your paddles were no good for my mate from Durham but I have a mystery problem that seems to strike me only when I am away from Taunton.
7. Proprietor: Good morning Mr Emburey. I thought that we might hear from you. Of course you can have it back. I only put it away three months ago but I’ll clean it up and have it ready for you.
8. Proprietor: I know the one you mean but you can’t have it. I sold it to Steve MacLaren last week.
9. Ed Smith: You’ve no doubt been expecting my call.
10. Chairman of Worcester CCC: No, I need real paddles not metaphorical ones.
WGCCC Matters
At WGCCC there are ten Life Members and they have an annual lunch during Cricket Week courtesy of their President, who is, of course, the Professor. I was invited to join this auspicious occasion as one of the guests and was delighted to accept. The Thursday match was against the MCC who were batting when I arrived and David Ward was wreaking havoc against a relatively undemanding WGCCC attack. The Professor was perambulating the boundary but I was welcomed by other Life Members. When the Professor returned to the pavilion he was accompanied by George Arthur’s son, James, who was on a visit from Jakarta where he lives. He was, appropriately for the occasion, sporting an MCC tie, albeit risquely paired with a tomato coloured shirt. However, this sartorial blemish was overpowered by his blazer which was truly a coat of many colours, all of which are apparently claimed by the Jakarta Cricket Club as part of their livery. All of this was a great deal to take in but unfortunately there was more. Atop of his head was a matching Jakarta CC cap complete with a mosquito net which covered the neck. These garments are made of silk and can be obtained in Jakarta, made to measure, overnight for little more than the price of a round of drinks.
The Professor with Dennis Lewis and James Arthur
When we sat down the Professor introduced the guests and presented me as the publisher of Googlies. I was a little surprised to discover that just about everyone present seemed to be regular recipients of this journal and, as with any readers that I meet, all they wanted to hear about was the Great Jack Morgan and whether he was real or a figment of my imagination. I had taken the precaution of bringing with me photos of the St. Clement Danes 1st XI from 1963, 1964 and 1965 which showed the Professor, Jack and me in the same side. This was not enough to convince the Lifers who insisted that Jack be brought to next year’s lunch. The President swallowed deeply and skilfully changed the subject.
Paddy Carlin confesses to being a gambler and indeed had previously compromised his reputation by admitting to having been involved in tricky outings with no less than Bob Baxter. Having established such dubious provenance I was nevertheless interested in his thesis involving WGCCC hypothetically playing the England side. He reckons that if they played a five-day match England would be favourites with WGCCC’s odds being about 1000-1. If the game were a four-day match their odds would shorten to 500-1 and in a fifty-over match they might be 250-1. However, in a Twenty20 match they would shorten significantly to say 10-1. This year has seen several Twenty20 matches reduced to as little as five overs. Paddy reckons that in these circumstances the betting could be as England 6-4 on and WGCCC 6-4 against. None of this meant much to me as I have never laid a bet in my life but I got the gist of it. The shorter the game the easier it is for there to be a major upset.
The weather had been foul prior to this event but we were blessed with a pleasant afternoon and after the MCC innings closed at about 250 WGCCC got underway against an opening new ball attack which featured the international off spinner, Peter Such. The Lifers didn’t give their club a hope of getting the runs and this seemed to be borne out when a couple of wickets fell. At the tea interval Such disappeared and the WGCCC cause seemed to be assisted by the fall of a further wicket which brought Ben Frazer to the crease who proceeded to despatch the ball to all parts of the ground. Just when it seemed that the game could be won after all he holed out. His replacement was Phil Driver who proceeded to hit the ball just as cleanly with what sounded decidedly like a cracked bat. However, he took the total past 200 but was bowled when about 35 were needed from the last five overs. This was reduced to 7 from the last over but tellingly there were only three wickets left and the WGCCC tail had a cricket week feel to it. A crazy run out, a leg bye and another dismissal left the home side with six required from the last ball which Jack Inglis, who had held the innings together without ever dominating the bowling, skied to cover and so the MCC won off the final ball. Everyone seemed pretty satisfied with this.
As I left the ground Keith Piggott threatened me against disclosing an anecdote which had featured a story about him. As if I would do such a thing.
Unlikely Matters
The Great Jack Morgan always acknowledges receipt of Googlies but this is normally tempered by a series of complaints, whinges and endless errata. However, in response to G&C 55 he started with: “There was much good sense in this issue”. I was pleasantly surprised and wondered what I had done to warrant such praise. He continued: “I particularly found myself agreeing with that wise GJM chappie: you should use more of his stuff.”
Out and About with the Professor
You will be pleased to know that WGCCC won on Saturday and are now just one point behind West Herts at the top of the league. Millhillians rattled up 260 in their 60 overs and we managed to knock them off in 48. Both our Middlesex old boys (Laraman and Hewitt) played cameo innings while their Middlesex old boy of an earlier vintage, Hutchinson, has at long last retired and Darren Sammy has gone on to greater things. Millhillians did manage to field Dawson, a very classy opener, who plays for Tasmania, and yet another O'Brien (last year they had two of the Irish national side).
You will also not be surprised to know that under the leadership of the Badger the Vth XI recorded yet another victory and now stand a dizzying 8 points clear on top of the Division 14. Also, on the Friday of Cricket Week, in celebration of his century, the Badger was awarded his club cap. I think it fair to say he was very pleased.
Wicket-keeping Matters
I watched a Pro40 match on Sky between Leicestershire and Kent between washed out days of other matches. This contest featured England’s goon wicket keepers. Teflon sprawled about dropping the ball and when a right hander attempted a reverse sweep against Amjad, Nico galloped across to the original leg side of the stumps whilst the ball continued unimpeded down the other side for four byes.
Whilst we are considering this speciality topic I must lay down my marker that I consider Prior some way short of the required standard for an international keeper. His failings are obvious to anyone who has tackled the job themselves. His stance is wrong and he not only doesn’t stay down but doesn’t actually get all the way down in the first place. This puts him in an impossible position from which to adjust to a ball that comes through or is deflected lower than expected. I suppose that this could be corrected but the international arena is hardly the place to do it. More worrying is that he is not a natural catcher of the ball which never seems to go into his gloves smoothly and generally seems to lodge between his lower wrists.
The woeful performance of the West Indies and their desire to self destruct with the bat disguised his poor performance in those matches. He was also fully extended trying to collect deliveries from Harmison and Plunkett (remember them?) who bowled like blind men in a coconut shy. The missed chances in these games cost little and were quickly overcome by the batsman’s next indiscretion. However, in the low scoring match at Lords he dropped Jaffer on 1 and he went on to top score in the first innings. More significantly it would have reduced to India to 20 odd for 3 and they would almost certainly have struggled to reach the score they ultimately achieved. And of course with the time saved they would have been bowled out before the rains came on the fifth day.
There is no doubt that Prior is a refreshing sight at the crease and his clean hitting has produced runs satisfactorily at number seven. But as long as we try to turn batsmen into wicket keepers we run the risk that they will miss critical chances that will cost us test matches. So perhaps we should look for wicket keepers who can keep and then work on their batting. Two years ago with both Prior and Ambrose at Sussex, Andrew Hodd was released to Surrey for experience. When Ambrose left and joined Warwickshire Hodd returned to Sussex to understudy Prior. Now Prior is in the England camp, Hodd finds himself with the batsman/wicket keeper role at Hove. He batted very pleasantly for 40 odd when the Great Jack Morgan and I saw him against Surrey and unprompted the Professor said that he had separately been impressed with his keeping. I then saw him keep immaculately in the televised quarter final Twenty20 match against Yorkshire. Sussex could have a stranglehold over the England wicket keeping duties for the foreseeable future. Since joining Warwickshire Ambrose has become the most prolific run scorer in this fraternity and some say he was a better keeper than Prior in his Sussex days.
Leading Edge Matters
Has anyone else noticed how far leading edges carry these days? There was a time when a leading edge would dolly up onto the square or squirt away tamely. However, nowadays the edge of the bat is actually enormous and when the ball comes into contact with it it is the equivalent of it making contact with a baseball bat. So when Rampaul got the leading edge at Lords in the ODI the ball sailed down to deep mid off. In the following week in a Twenty20 match at Hove Bopara tried to turn James Kirtley onto the leg side and was caught of a leading edge by the sweeper on the cover boundary.
Culinary Matters
Like all other features of Old Trafford the catering is a disgrace. It is hard to excuse it on the basis that it is pandering to the local palate. Every time I go there I find a new facet to be appalled by. When a group of Googlies readers joined me on the first day of the West Indies test I, as usual, went well provided with provisions for the day. Some of my companions prefer to travel light and take their chances with what is on offer. I would prefer not to describe the appalling spectacle presented by Andrew Baker and the Professor last year at the Pakistan match as they tackled their pig butties, but this year felt obliged to record the fare purchased by Mike Smith and John ?.
I found it difficult to decide whether the polystyrene looked the tastier option and I couldn’t bring myself to ask John how much more he had paid for the mushy peas.
I had originally planned to use this photo as a caption competition but found it too depressing. I asked the Great Jack Morgan to help me out. He replied: “The amusing thing to add to the food photo would be the price. As you know, I do not buy any food or drink at Lord’s (or Wimbledon), but I heard a bloke announcing (two or three years ago) that the pies he had bought were £4.50; one of his mates asked if that was for all four pies, but of course, the price of four unappetising pies (in plastic boxes) was £18. Make yourself a sandwich!”
Middlesex Matters
The Great Jack Morgan sent me these notes on Middlesex’ progress
I was surprised that the Blacksmith was made 12th man at Southgate. I suppose the ground has gathered a certain reputation for favouring spin in recent years and this probably enabled Rymple to hang on to his place, coupled with the fact that they needed someone who could (supposedly) bat at 6. Nash’s name was on the scorecard, but apparently, he has been suffering from fainting fits recently and is now undergoing hospital testing etc. Scotty gets runs in the 2s, but hasn’t often looked the part in the 1s. I hate the travelling to (and especially from) Southgate, as you know, so I attended only the first and last days. On Monday, the forecast was too dreadful for me to attend and on Tuesday, I preferred the convenience of the 2s one-dayer at Richmond. Southgate is where we are supposed to win, but this was a very ordinary effort. I didn’t think that they bowled very well on Sunday and they didn’t bat very well today. Joyce, Kartik and Strauss deserve some credit, but otherwise it was poor stuff. The tail (apart from Richo) looked unacceptably weak today. Again, Silverwood just threw his wicket away, when all he had to do was to hang around with Rymple, who was enjoying only his second decent effort of the season, but he has still to reach fifty. On paper, some of the season’s figures so far look OK, but performances like this one are not good enough for promotion.
Yesterday’s visit to Richmond was quite fun as the game turned into a real thriller. The pitch had been a bit damp, but from the boundary it did not seem to be doing anything exceptional, so the 156 managed by a weak-looking Notts side, did not appear to be a problem for Middlesex. Gareth Clough and Simon Francis were the only two Notts players of whom I had heard, but we may soon be hearing more of William Sabey (born in Hammersmith, but snaffled by Notts during his spell at Nottingham University), who struck a very accomplished 82, easily the best score of the match. Skipper Compton tried to make the Notts total competitive by giving himself a long bowl, but after Sabey was run out, they had no one to take advantage. In Middlesex’s reply, no one made more than Adam London’s patient 35 and Middlesex found themselves in deep trouble at 118-8, with the overs running out, but somehow Wright, Williams and Finn scrambled the necessary runs and Middlesex sneaked home by one wicket. It was not a particularly distinguished performance, but it gave the lads three wins out of four so far (all at home), with the other match rained off. The other four matches are all away. There was no sign of Nash (see above), Hutton (also unwell), Whelan (injured again), Keegan (probably not fit for more than four overs) or Morgan (hit 51 for Ireland today in the narrow win over the Dutch). Johnson looks to be struggling at present: he bowled five overs of inaccurate medium pace and was the only one of seven bowlers not to take a wicket; and when it came to batting, he essayed several bovine air shots before he finally achieved his objective and holed out at cow corner. The keeper was Ned Eckersley of Ealing and the academy.
As I mentioned, Pybus uses “personal reasons” a lot for his rapid departures from jobs. It is probably unfair to do so, but I always take this to mean “I am perfectly happy in the job, but unfortunately, I have this ridiculous wife who cannot stand living in this glorious countryside/ exciting metropolis etc so kindly release me from this lucrative contract”. Ernie is surely only a stopgap isn’t he? I think Jason P should get the job.
Fitness Matters
I don’t think that bowling and being an athlete mix. Bowling and in particular fast bowling is a very strange activity which requires a delicate balance of rhythm, momentum and technique to achieve. Notice that I didn’t include in this any reference to fitness or athleticism. Modern fast bowlers all have to be athletes first and bowlers second. They bowl only a fraction of the overs of their predecessors and are always injured. By the end of July all five of England’s Ashes winning bowlers were on either short or long term sick leave. It is no coincidence that these athletic bowlers are getting injured more than their predecessors. Their finely tuned bodies have far more to go wrong than the old bowler ever had.
As a captain I knew that I could, and often did, ask Ossie Burton to bowl twenty overs on a Sunday afternoon. He would do this with metronomic accuracy, making the most of whatever the conditions offered and probably after having bowled twenty overs on the Saturday as well. However, I did not expect him to do twenty minutes of touch rugby and miscellaneous exercises designed to twist knees and ankles before the start of play. I also didn’t expect him to hare around at long leg and then dive full length to stop a boundary. If the ball went to him wherever he was fielding he would probably catch it but he wouldn’t be expected to run in and dive full length to take a one handed catch. He was in the side to bowl and that is what he did superbly and we were quite happy with this contribution.
Some players have improved their performance by dedicated athletic training but this is largely confined to fielding. Batsmen maybe fitter than their predecessors but they don’t bat as long. Bowlers, particularly on the Middlesex staff, are lucky to play in consecutive matches before succumbing to yet another ailment. Its time the bowlers stood up to their coaches and said “Bollox, I’m not doing that. If you want me to bowl let me get on with it. Leave out the fitness training and don’t expect too much in the field. In return I will bowl as long as you need me to. Today, tomorrow and the day after.”
PPS Matters
When Wonderbatsman KP appeared at the fall of the second wicket in the ODI at Edgbaston the West Indian seamer Ravi Rampaul produced a Jaffa to him first ball which ripped through his defences. Our hero immediately signalled to the dressing room for a new pair of gloves. This again shows what an extraordinary talent we are privileged to be witnessing. Within a split second KP was able to assess that the reason for his play and miss was a deficiency in his gauntlets. Just think what dedication in training goes into developing such exquisite skills.
One of the least likely aspects of the West Indies tour was that they worked out KP. After he scored centuries against their lamentable attack at Lords and Headingley, they decided to take him on and won comfortably. They suckered him out cheaply when he hook/pulled tamely to deep mid wicket in the first innings at Old Trafford. Flushed from this success Bravo got him to play the same shot to the last ball before lunch at the beginning of his second innings. The ball fell a yard short of the fielder. KP went on to fifty but was then dismissed when Bravo got him to park his helmet on his stumps. And so to the Riverside where he amassed just 28 in two innings. Twenty20 should be meat and drink to our Protean Tonker but he came up with returns of 16 and 19 in the pair of matches at the Oval. But the generosity of the fixture planning gives plenty of chances to His Wonderfulness and he was soon back at Lords for the ODI where he selflessly decided to have a net and bat through the middle overs for a sedate 33 and then holed out to the first aggressive shot he played. In the second game of this series he succumbed to Rampaul’s straight ball after the change of gloves referred to above. Despite this appalling lack of runs he again batted in the pole number four position at Trent Bridge where Powell welcomed him to the crease with a superbly directed bouncer. His Wonderfulness decided to teach the upstart a lesson next ball but only feathered it to the keeper. This completed seven innings without a fifty. It’s a good job that Bell didn’t produce such a poor run of form. He would have soon been dismissed back to the Warwickshire stiffs.
At about this time KP told BBC Five Live that his form had suffered recently because of fatigue caused by non-stop international cricket. He went on to repeat this excuse at a celebrity reception given by one of his personal sponsors which, apparently, he was up to attending. In twenty two days between the Riverside and Trent Bridge the Wonderbatsman faced 129 deliveries, the equivalent of six a day. Even legends in the making cannot consider this too much cricket. Chanderpaul on the tour faced 1243 balls for the most part carrying injury. At the end of this interview KP said that he was only human. Come on Kev, we know better.
Irritating Trends in Modern Cricket – Number 47
I don’t know why it has taken so long to get round to adding the Huddle to this compendium of irritants. What is more irritating than, having seen the umpires walk to the middle, to have to watch grown men grope around in a tight congregation whilst the batsmen walk nonchalantly past them. It smacks of the very worst of gimmicky modern management techniques. The sort of thing that might sound alright on a weekend retreat at a country house in deepest Dorset but not the sort of thing that you would contemplate putting into practice when you returned to the real world. These guys are professional cricketers. All they do is prepare for and play cricket. What conceivable motivational preparation is left till the last minute before they all leap into action? It clearly rarely has a beneficial effect and yet they still do it. Maybe it has become a superstition and they feel that things would go even worse if they didn’t grab each other by the shoulders for an enthralling ninety seconds.
It may of course have nothing to do with cricket at all and could just be a preparation for the interminable wait for the first drinks break in ten minutes time. Some will say I am being far too harsh on this harmless exercise which presumably keeps the team shrink in a job. In fact the Huddle may actually be used for a whole host of worthwhile activities, such as:
1. Finishing off the game of poker so rudely interrupted by the skipper’s unexpected declaration.
2. Playing a game of Chinese Whispers.
3. The captain conducting a Spelling B.
4. Playing a tournament of scissors, paper, stone to see who bowls from which end.
5. Dispensing throat lozenges to ensure maximum volumes when appealing.
6. Debating the meaning of some of the coach’s more obscure bon mots.
I can’t imagine trying to get Peach, Wallis, Hart et al to co-operate in forming a Huddle before going on to the field of play. Or indeed finding anyone being prepared to stand adjacent to the Legendary Len Stubbs in such an activity.
Old Danes Matters
Forty five Old Danes signed in at the gathering at Shepherds Bush on Friday 27 July. All generations from the forties through to the seventies were represented. Our thanks go to David Perrin and the Shepherds Bush club for making the event possible.
The Great Jack Morgan in retro kit with Arthur Gates
We were all delighted to see Arthur Gates who is still convalescing from serious illness. Steve Caley flew in from running Rwanda’s banking system, Mike Jordan broke his French holiday and flew back from Montpellier and Keith Walmsley took precious time off from compiling his ongoing life work “The Most Nots in Test Cricket”. Don Palmer looked in as the sole representative of the staff of olden days and Bob Peach made a cross generational welcoming speech once we had worked out how to turn down the reggae music which accompanied the afternoon’s cricket.
A number of Old Danes turned up without knowing whether any of their contemporaries would be present. It was good to meet them and if it possible to repeat the event in the future they will be the springboard for widening the range of contacts. Bob Peach was very relieved that Roger Brunskill from the1946 intake was the senior Dane present whilst Bob Guarniere, Gary Allcott and Jim Revier were alumni of the 1970s high achieving soccer side.
The GJM with Keith Walmsley, Steve Caley, the Professor and Mike (formerly Mick) Jordan
My Mum who had known many of the attendees when they wore short trousers insisted on joining the occasion. The Professor sent me this after the event: “It was also very good to see and talk to your Mum again....she hasn't lost her edge. When we met she said I looked just the same. "Oh come on", I said, "I'm fat and bald and ugly". "Oh no", she said..."not at all"... (pause)..."you're not fat".”
Strange Elevens
After completing the article about Don Bennett last month I decided that it would be splendid to have a side of Dons that our man could skipper and so I asked the Great Jack Morgan if he could oblige. He promptly replied with this splendid side to which we give the Jazz Hat “The Dons”:
Kenyon Worcs
Smith Sussex
Bradman NSW & S Australia
Ramsamooj Hants
Carr Derbyshire
Tallon (w) Queensland
Bennett Middlesex (captain)
Ward Glam
Wilson Yorks
Shepherd Glam
Bates Sussex
He also came up with the following Twelfth Men: Bick, Brennan, Roper, Anurasiri, Munden, Givens, Shanks, Everly, Wallis, Allan Donald and Phil Don. And if we are going to go that far I suppose we might as well add the crowd’s favourite, Monty Don.
I know no one cares but last month’s side were all recipients of the PCA Player of the Season award.
Red Mist Matters
When James Middlebrook was dismissed Essex found themselves 224 for 6 in their match against Nottinghamshire at Chelmsford. Andy Bichel then joined James Foster and struck 148 from 152 deliveries. But this was just an hors d’oeuvres for Graham Napier who struck eight sixes in his 125 from 101 deliveries. At this stage Essex were able to declare with a highly unlikely score of 700 for 9. Wagh and Patel both got hundreds for Notts but when Hussey was out the score was 343 for 5 and the follow on target was still a long way off. However, Chris Read hit eight sixes in a marathon innings of 240 and Notts were finally dismissed for 791. On the final afternoon Essex, having scored 700 in their first innings found themselves batting to save the match. Funny game cricket.
Football Matters
Andrew Baker has been difficult to get hold of this month as he has taken his ladies football team on a pre-season tour. Apparently they won all of their cricket matches but it means that their season is already over. However, Kelvin West, who tells me that he was at all of their games, took the following photo of the star performers. He has apparently offered to give them personal coaching at his indoor facility during the winter.
Googlies and Chinamen
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Broad Lee House
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Tel & fax: 01298 70237
Email: [email protected]
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 56
August 2007
Caption Competition
Ken Molloy sent me this delightful picture
1. Proprietor: If you are looking for Duncan Fletcher, he is out the back.
2. Peter Moores: I would like to place a large advance order for 2009, please.
3. Sven Goran Erickson: Do you deliver to Manchester?
4. Victoria Beckham: I would like to order five designer paddles with tattoos on the handle and the Spice Girls embossed on the blade.
5. Michael Clarke: Do you do lemon rubber grips with matching gloves?
6. Banger: I am wondering if you can help me. I know your paddles were no good for my mate from Durham but I have a mystery problem that seems to strike me only when I am away from Taunton.
7. Proprietor: Good morning Mr Emburey. I thought that we might hear from you. Of course you can have it back. I only put it away three months ago but I’ll clean it up and have it ready for you.
8. Proprietor: I know the one you mean but you can’t have it. I sold it to Steve MacLaren last week.
9. Ed Smith: You’ve no doubt been expecting my call.
10. Chairman of Worcester CCC: No, I need real paddles not metaphorical ones.
WGCCC Matters
At WGCCC there are ten Life Members and they have an annual lunch during Cricket Week courtesy of their President, who is, of course, the Professor. I was invited to join this auspicious occasion as one of the guests and was delighted to accept. The Thursday match was against the MCC who were batting when I arrived and David Ward was wreaking havoc against a relatively undemanding WGCCC attack. The Professor was perambulating the boundary but I was welcomed by other Life Members. When the Professor returned to the pavilion he was accompanied by George Arthur’s son, James, who was on a visit from Jakarta where he lives. He was, appropriately for the occasion, sporting an MCC tie, albeit risquely paired with a tomato coloured shirt. However, this sartorial blemish was overpowered by his blazer which was truly a coat of many colours, all of which are apparently claimed by the Jakarta Cricket Club as part of their livery. All of this was a great deal to take in but unfortunately there was more. Atop of his head was a matching Jakarta CC cap complete with a mosquito net which covered the neck. These garments are made of silk and can be obtained in Jakarta, made to measure, overnight for little more than the price of a round of drinks.
The Professor with Dennis Lewis and James Arthur
When we sat down the Professor introduced the guests and presented me as the publisher of Googlies. I was a little surprised to discover that just about everyone present seemed to be regular recipients of this journal and, as with any readers that I meet, all they wanted to hear about was the Great Jack Morgan and whether he was real or a figment of my imagination. I had taken the precaution of bringing with me photos of the St. Clement Danes 1st XI from 1963, 1964 and 1965 which showed the Professor, Jack and me in the same side. This was not enough to convince the Lifers who insisted that Jack be brought to next year’s lunch. The President swallowed deeply and skilfully changed the subject.
Paddy Carlin confesses to being a gambler and indeed had previously compromised his reputation by admitting to having been involved in tricky outings with no less than Bob Baxter. Having established such dubious provenance I was nevertheless interested in his thesis involving WGCCC hypothetically playing the England side. He reckons that if they played a five-day match England would be favourites with WGCCC’s odds being about 1000-1. If the game were a four-day match their odds would shorten to 500-1 and in a fifty-over match they might be 250-1. However, in a Twenty20 match they would shorten significantly to say 10-1. This year has seen several Twenty20 matches reduced to as little as five overs. Paddy reckons that in these circumstances the betting could be as England 6-4 on and WGCCC 6-4 against. None of this meant much to me as I have never laid a bet in my life but I got the gist of it. The shorter the game the easier it is for there to be a major upset.
The weather had been foul prior to this event but we were blessed with a pleasant afternoon and after the MCC innings closed at about 250 WGCCC got underway against an opening new ball attack which featured the international off spinner, Peter Such. The Lifers didn’t give their club a hope of getting the runs and this seemed to be borne out when a couple of wickets fell. At the tea interval Such disappeared and the WGCCC cause seemed to be assisted by the fall of a further wicket which brought Ben Frazer to the crease who proceeded to despatch the ball to all parts of the ground. Just when it seemed that the game could be won after all he holed out. His replacement was Phil Driver who proceeded to hit the ball just as cleanly with what sounded decidedly like a cracked bat. However, he took the total past 200 but was bowled when about 35 were needed from the last five overs. This was reduced to 7 from the last over but tellingly there were only three wickets left and the WGCCC tail had a cricket week feel to it. A crazy run out, a leg bye and another dismissal left the home side with six required from the last ball which Jack Inglis, who had held the innings together without ever dominating the bowling, skied to cover and so the MCC won off the final ball. Everyone seemed pretty satisfied with this.
As I left the ground Keith Piggott threatened me against disclosing an anecdote which had featured a story about him. As if I would do such a thing.
Unlikely Matters
The Great Jack Morgan always acknowledges receipt of Googlies but this is normally tempered by a series of complaints, whinges and endless errata. However, in response to G&C 55 he started with: “There was much good sense in this issue”. I was pleasantly surprised and wondered what I had done to warrant such praise. He continued: “I particularly found myself agreeing with that wise GJM chappie: you should use more of his stuff.”
Out and About with the Professor
You will be pleased to know that WGCCC won on Saturday and are now just one point behind West Herts at the top of the league. Millhillians rattled up 260 in their 60 overs and we managed to knock them off in 48. Both our Middlesex old boys (Laraman and Hewitt) played cameo innings while their Middlesex old boy of an earlier vintage, Hutchinson, has at long last retired and Darren Sammy has gone on to greater things. Millhillians did manage to field Dawson, a very classy opener, who plays for Tasmania, and yet another O'Brien (last year they had two of the Irish national side).
You will also not be surprised to know that under the leadership of the Badger the Vth XI recorded yet another victory and now stand a dizzying 8 points clear on top of the Division 14. Also, on the Friday of Cricket Week, in celebration of his century, the Badger was awarded his club cap. I think it fair to say he was very pleased.
Wicket-keeping Matters
I watched a Pro40 match on Sky between Leicestershire and Kent between washed out days of other matches. This contest featured England’s goon wicket keepers. Teflon sprawled about dropping the ball and when a right hander attempted a reverse sweep against Amjad, Nico galloped across to the original leg side of the stumps whilst the ball continued unimpeded down the other side for four byes.
Whilst we are considering this speciality topic I must lay down my marker that I consider Prior some way short of the required standard for an international keeper. His failings are obvious to anyone who has tackled the job themselves. His stance is wrong and he not only doesn’t stay down but doesn’t actually get all the way down in the first place. This puts him in an impossible position from which to adjust to a ball that comes through or is deflected lower than expected. I suppose that this could be corrected but the international arena is hardly the place to do it. More worrying is that he is not a natural catcher of the ball which never seems to go into his gloves smoothly and generally seems to lodge between his lower wrists.
The woeful performance of the West Indies and their desire to self destruct with the bat disguised his poor performance in those matches. He was also fully extended trying to collect deliveries from Harmison and Plunkett (remember them?) who bowled like blind men in a coconut shy. The missed chances in these games cost little and were quickly overcome by the batsman’s next indiscretion. However, in the low scoring match at Lords he dropped Jaffer on 1 and he went on to top score in the first innings. More significantly it would have reduced to India to 20 odd for 3 and they would almost certainly have struggled to reach the score they ultimately achieved. And of course with the time saved they would have been bowled out before the rains came on the fifth day.
There is no doubt that Prior is a refreshing sight at the crease and his clean hitting has produced runs satisfactorily at number seven. But as long as we try to turn batsmen into wicket keepers we run the risk that they will miss critical chances that will cost us test matches. So perhaps we should look for wicket keepers who can keep and then work on their batting. Two years ago with both Prior and Ambrose at Sussex, Andrew Hodd was released to Surrey for experience. When Ambrose left and joined Warwickshire Hodd returned to Sussex to understudy Prior. Now Prior is in the England camp, Hodd finds himself with the batsman/wicket keeper role at Hove. He batted very pleasantly for 40 odd when the Great Jack Morgan and I saw him against Surrey and unprompted the Professor said that he had separately been impressed with his keeping. I then saw him keep immaculately in the televised quarter final Twenty20 match against Yorkshire. Sussex could have a stranglehold over the England wicket keeping duties for the foreseeable future. Since joining Warwickshire Ambrose has become the most prolific run scorer in this fraternity and some say he was a better keeper than Prior in his Sussex days.
Leading Edge Matters
Has anyone else noticed how far leading edges carry these days? There was a time when a leading edge would dolly up onto the square or squirt away tamely. However, nowadays the edge of the bat is actually enormous and when the ball comes into contact with it it is the equivalent of it making contact with a baseball bat. So when Rampaul got the leading edge at Lords in the ODI the ball sailed down to deep mid off. In the following week in a Twenty20 match at Hove Bopara tried to turn James Kirtley onto the leg side and was caught of a leading edge by the sweeper on the cover boundary.
Culinary Matters
Like all other features of Old Trafford the catering is a disgrace. It is hard to excuse it on the basis that it is pandering to the local palate. Every time I go there I find a new facet to be appalled by. When a group of Googlies readers joined me on the first day of the West Indies test I, as usual, went well provided with provisions for the day. Some of my companions prefer to travel light and take their chances with what is on offer. I would prefer not to describe the appalling spectacle presented by Andrew Baker and the Professor last year at the Pakistan match as they tackled their pig butties, but this year felt obliged to record the fare purchased by Mike Smith and John ?.
I found it difficult to decide whether the polystyrene looked the tastier option and I couldn’t bring myself to ask John how much more he had paid for the mushy peas.
I had originally planned to use this photo as a caption competition but found it too depressing. I asked the Great Jack Morgan to help me out. He replied: “The amusing thing to add to the food photo would be the price. As you know, I do not buy any food or drink at Lord’s (or Wimbledon), but I heard a bloke announcing (two or three years ago) that the pies he had bought were £4.50; one of his mates asked if that was for all four pies, but of course, the price of four unappetising pies (in plastic boxes) was £18. Make yourself a sandwich!”
Middlesex Matters
The Great Jack Morgan sent me these notes on Middlesex’ progress
I was surprised that the Blacksmith was made 12th man at Southgate. I suppose the ground has gathered a certain reputation for favouring spin in recent years and this probably enabled Rymple to hang on to his place, coupled with the fact that they needed someone who could (supposedly) bat at 6. Nash’s name was on the scorecard, but apparently, he has been suffering from fainting fits recently and is now undergoing hospital testing etc. Scotty gets runs in the 2s, but hasn’t often looked the part in the 1s. I hate the travelling to (and especially from) Southgate, as you know, so I attended only the first and last days. On Monday, the forecast was too dreadful for me to attend and on Tuesday, I preferred the convenience of the 2s one-dayer at Richmond. Southgate is where we are supposed to win, but this was a very ordinary effort. I didn’t think that they bowled very well on Sunday and they didn’t bat very well today. Joyce, Kartik and Strauss deserve some credit, but otherwise it was poor stuff. The tail (apart from Richo) looked unacceptably weak today. Again, Silverwood just threw his wicket away, when all he had to do was to hang around with Rymple, who was enjoying only his second decent effort of the season, but he has still to reach fifty. On paper, some of the season’s figures so far look OK, but performances like this one are not good enough for promotion.
Yesterday’s visit to Richmond was quite fun as the game turned into a real thriller. The pitch had been a bit damp, but from the boundary it did not seem to be doing anything exceptional, so the 156 managed by a weak-looking Notts side, did not appear to be a problem for Middlesex. Gareth Clough and Simon Francis were the only two Notts players of whom I had heard, but we may soon be hearing more of William Sabey (born in Hammersmith, but snaffled by Notts during his spell at Nottingham University), who struck a very accomplished 82, easily the best score of the match. Skipper Compton tried to make the Notts total competitive by giving himself a long bowl, but after Sabey was run out, they had no one to take advantage. In Middlesex’s reply, no one made more than Adam London’s patient 35 and Middlesex found themselves in deep trouble at 118-8, with the overs running out, but somehow Wright, Williams and Finn scrambled the necessary runs and Middlesex sneaked home by one wicket. It was not a particularly distinguished performance, but it gave the lads three wins out of four so far (all at home), with the other match rained off. The other four matches are all away. There was no sign of Nash (see above), Hutton (also unwell), Whelan (injured again), Keegan (probably not fit for more than four overs) or Morgan (hit 51 for Ireland today in the narrow win over the Dutch). Johnson looks to be struggling at present: he bowled five overs of inaccurate medium pace and was the only one of seven bowlers not to take a wicket; and when it came to batting, he essayed several bovine air shots before he finally achieved his objective and holed out at cow corner. The keeper was Ned Eckersley of Ealing and the academy.
As I mentioned, Pybus uses “personal reasons” a lot for his rapid departures from jobs. It is probably unfair to do so, but I always take this to mean “I am perfectly happy in the job, but unfortunately, I have this ridiculous wife who cannot stand living in this glorious countryside/ exciting metropolis etc so kindly release me from this lucrative contract”. Ernie is surely only a stopgap isn’t he? I think Jason P should get the job.
Fitness Matters
I don’t think that bowling and being an athlete mix. Bowling and in particular fast bowling is a very strange activity which requires a delicate balance of rhythm, momentum and technique to achieve. Notice that I didn’t include in this any reference to fitness or athleticism. Modern fast bowlers all have to be athletes first and bowlers second. They bowl only a fraction of the overs of their predecessors and are always injured. By the end of July all five of England’s Ashes winning bowlers were on either short or long term sick leave. It is no coincidence that these athletic bowlers are getting injured more than their predecessors. Their finely tuned bodies have far more to go wrong than the old bowler ever had.
As a captain I knew that I could, and often did, ask Ossie Burton to bowl twenty overs on a Sunday afternoon. He would do this with metronomic accuracy, making the most of whatever the conditions offered and probably after having bowled twenty overs on the Saturday as well. However, I did not expect him to do twenty minutes of touch rugby and miscellaneous exercises designed to twist knees and ankles before the start of play. I also didn’t expect him to hare around at long leg and then dive full length to stop a boundary. If the ball went to him wherever he was fielding he would probably catch it but he wouldn’t be expected to run in and dive full length to take a one handed catch. He was in the side to bowl and that is what he did superbly and we were quite happy with this contribution.
Some players have improved their performance by dedicated athletic training but this is largely confined to fielding. Batsmen maybe fitter than their predecessors but they don’t bat as long. Bowlers, particularly on the Middlesex staff, are lucky to play in consecutive matches before succumbing to yet another ailment. Its time the bowlers stood up to their coaches and said “Bollox, I’m not doing that. If you want me to bowl let me get on with it. Leave out the fitness training and don’t expect too much in the field. In return I will bowl as long as you need me to. Today, tomorrow and the day after.”
PPS Matters
When Wonderbatsman KP appeared at the fall of the second wicket in the ODI at Edgbaston the West Indian seamer Ravi Rampaul produced a Jaffa to him first ball which ripped through his defences. Our hero immediately signalled to the dressing room for a new pair of gloves. This again shows what an extraordinary talent we are privileged to be witnessing. Within a split second KP was able to assess that the reason for his play and miss was a deficiency in his gauntlets. Just think what dedication in training goes into developing such exquisite skills.
One of the least likely aspects of the West Indies tour was that they worked out KP. After he scored centuries against their lamentable attack at Lords and Headingley, they decided to take him on and won comfortably. They suckered him out cheaply when he hook/pulled tamely to deep mid wicket in the first innings at Old Trafford. Flushed from this success Bravo got him to play the same shot to the last ball before lunch at the beginning of his second innings. The ball fell a yard short of the fielder. KP went on to fifty but was then dismissed when Bravo got him to park his helmet on his stumps. And so to the Riverside where he amassed just 28 in two innings. Twenty20 should be meat and drink to our Protean Tonker but he came up with returns of 16 and 19 in the pair of matches at the Oval. But the generosity of the fixture planning gives plenty of chances to His Wonderfulness and he was soon back at Lords for the ODI where he selflessly decided to have a net and bat through the middle overs for a sedate 33 and then holed out to the first aggressive shot he played. In the second game of this series he succumbed to Rampaul’s straight ball after the change of gloves referred to above. Despite this appalling lack of runs he again batted in the pole number four position at Trent Bridge where Powell welcomed him to the crease with a superbly directed bouncer. His Wonderfulness decided to teach the upstart a lesson next ball but only feathered it to the keeper. This completed seven innings without a fifty. It’s a good job that Bell didn’t produce such a poor run of form. He would have soon been dismissed back to the Warwickshire stiffs.
At about this time KP told BBC Five Live that his form had suffered recently because of fatigue caused by non-stop international cricket. He went on to repeat this excuse at a celebrity reception given by one of his personal sponsors which, apparently, he was up to attending. In twenty two days between the Riverside and Trent Bridge the Wonderbatsman faced 129 deliveries, the equivalent of six a day. Even legends in the making cannot consider this too much cricket. Chanderpaul on the tour faced 1243 balls for the most part carrying injury. At the end of this interview KP said that he was only human. Come on Kev, we know better.
Irritating Trends in Modern Cricket – Number 47
I don’t know why it has taken so long to get round to adding the Huddle to this compendium of irritants. What is more irritating than, having seen the umpires walk to the middle, to have to watch grown men grope around in a tight congregation whilst the batsmen walk nonchalantly past them. It smacks of the very worst of gimmicky modern management techniques. The sort of thing that might sound alright on a weekend retreat at a country house in deepest Dorset but not the sort of thing that you would contemplate putting into practice when you returned to the real world. These guys are professional cricketers. All they do is prepare for and play cricket. What conceivable motivational preparation is left till the last minute before they all leap into action? It clearly rarely has a beneficial effect and yet they still do it. Maybe it has become a superstition and they feel that things would go even worse if they didn’t grab each other by the shoulders for an enthralling ninety seconds.
It may of course have nothing to do with cricket at all and could just be a preparation for the interminable wait for the first drinks break in ten minutes time. Some will say I am being far too harsh on this harmless exercise which presumably keeps the team shrink in a job. In fact the Huddle may actually be used for a whole host of worthwhile activities, such as:
1. Finishing off the game of poker so rudely interrupted by the skipper’s unexpected declaration.
2. Playing a game of Chinese Whispers.
3. The captain conducting a Spelling B.
4. Playing a tournament of scissors, paper, stone to see who bowls from which end.
5. Dispensing throat lozenges to ensure maximum volumes when appealing.
6. Debating the meaning of some of the coach’s more obscure bon mots.
I can’t imagine trying to get Peach, Wallis, Hart et al to co-operate in forming a Huddle before going on to the field of play. Or indeed finding anyone being prepared to stand adjacent to the Legendary Len Stubbs in such an activity.
Old Danes Matters
Forty five Old Danes signed in at the gathering at Shepherds Bush on Friday 27 July. All generations from the forties through to the seventies were represented. Our thanks go to David Perrin and the Shepherds Bush club for making the event possible.
The Great Jack Morgan in retro kit with Arthur Gates
We were all delighted to see Arthur Gates who is still convalescing from serious illness. Steve Caley flew in from running Rwanda’s banking system, Mike Jordan broke his French holiday and flew back from Montpellier and Keith Walmsley took precious time off from compiling his ongoing life work “The Most Nots in Test Cricket”. Don Palmer looked in as the sole representative of the staff of olden days and Bob Peach made a cross generational welcoming speech once we had worked out how to turn down the reggae music which accompanied the afternoon’s cricket.
A number of Old Danes turned up without knowing whether any of their contemporaries would be present. It was good to meet them and if it possible to repeat the event in the future they will be the springboard for widening the range of contacts. Bob Peach was very relieved that Roger Brunskill from the1946 intake was the senior Dane present whilst Bob Guarniere, Gary Allcott and Jim Revier were alumni of the 1970s high achieving soccer side.
The GJM with Keith Walmsley, Steve Caley, the Professor and Mike (formerly Mick) Jordan
My Mum who had known many of the attendees when they wore short trousers insisted on joining the occasion. The Professor sent me this after the event: “It was also very good to see and talk to your Mum again....she hasn't lost her edge. When we met she said I looked just the same. "Oh come on", I said, "I'm fat and bald and ugly". "Oh no", she said..."not at all"... (pause)..."you're not fat".”
Strange Elevens
After completing the article about Don Bennett last month I decided that it would be splendid to have a side of Dons that our man could skipper and so I asked the Great Jack Morgan if he could oblige. He promptly replied with this splendid side to which we give the Jazz Hat “The Dons”:
Kenyon Worcs
Smith Sussex
Bradman NSW & S Australia
Ramsamooj Hants
Carr Derbyshire
Tallon (w) Queensland
Bennett Middlesex (captain)
Ward Glam
Wilson Yorks
Shepherd Glam
Bates Sussex
He also came up with the following Twelfth Men: Bick, Brennan, Roper, Anurasiri, Munden, Givens, Shanks, Everly, Wallis, Allan Donald and Phil Don. And if we are going to go that far I suppose we might as well add the crowd’s favourite, Monty Don.
I know no one cares but last month’s side were all recipients of the PCA Player of the Season award.
Red Mist Matters
When James Middlebrook was dismissed Essex found themselves 224 for 6 in their match against Nottinghamshire at Chelmsford. Andy Bichel then joined James Foster and struck 148 from 152 deliveries. But this was just an hors d’oeuvres for Graham Napier who struck eight sixes in his 125 from 101 deliveries. At this stage Essex were able to declare with a highly unlikely score of 700 for 9. Wagh and Patel both got hundreds for Notts but when Hussey was out the score was 343 for 5 and the follow on target was still a long way off. However, Chris Read hit eight sixes in a marathon innings of 240 and Notts were finally dismissed for 791. On the final afternoon Essex, having scored 700 in their first innings found themselves batting to save the match. Funny game cricket.
Football Matters
Andrew Baker has been difficult to get hold of this month as he has taken his ladies football team on a pre-season tour. Apparently they won all of their cricket matches but it means that their season is already over. However, Kelvin West, who tells me that he was at all of their games, took the following photo of the star performers. He has apparently offered to give them personal coaching at his indoor facility during the winter.
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