GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 91
July 2010
Conversations Overheard
Angus Fraser: Hey Kev. I hear that you are leaving Hampshire at the end of the season.
KP: Yeah It’s too far to travel.
Angus Fraser: Why? Where do you live?
KP: Chelsea.
Angus Fraser: Why don’t you come and play for Middlesex?
KP: Where do they play?
Angus Fraser: Our headquarters are at Radlett but the first team play at Lords.
KP: How would I get there?
Angus Fraser: From Chelsea? Let me see. You can get a bus to Shepherds Bush and then take the tube, Central Line I think, to Bond Street and change there for the Jubilee Line. You then go to St Johns Wood and its about a half mile walk down Wellington Road. Easier than going to the Rose Bowl I should think.
KP: And how would I get to Radlett.
Angus Fraser: No one has worked that out yet. I’m sure that we could work out the finances. We did so for Adam Gilchrist.
KP: Well I’m pleased to hear that. Now you’ve got me interested. I will need a three year contract, match fee, appearance money, non-appearance money, run sponsorship, boundaries sponsorship, kit sponsorship, grooming sponsorship, watch sponsorship, sunglasses sponsorship, personal valet, nanny, child support, extensive “away from the game” breaks, daily allowance, travel allowance, a kick back from the other players for me gracing them with my presence, result bonus, boot money and a substantial golden hello.
Angus Fraser: (Gulp) I’m not sure that we can manage all that.
KP: All right drop the Child Support. I get that from the Government anyway.
Old Trafford Matters
I made my cricket debut for 2010 at Old Trafford on Friday to see the first day of the second Bangladesh test. This sorry state of affairs was brought on by a series of incidents which necessitated continual work activity during April and May. On the plus side I set out and arrived at the ground in splendid summer weather.
It was only after I had made my way to my seat that I realised what was different about my entrance to the ground. In recent years I had been treated like a terrorist when attempting to gain entrance to test matches. I had been patted down and by bags had been searched for explosives and other normal stuff I carry on my person. My scissors had famously been confiscated at Headingley last year. This year security has been dispensed with and I could easily have conveyed a Howitzer into the ground had I been so been inclined. Gone also were the dreaded green coats who used to spend the entire match reclining in chairs on the grass facing the crowd.
Old Trafford, though, continues to amaze one with its lack of facilities and missed opportunities. Maybe it is the recession still biting in the North West. I am used to being festooned with freebies at test matches but there were none. Nobody insisted on presenting me with a free newspaper with Geoffrey Boycott’s views expressed therein, I made it all the way to my seat without having to adopt an npower 4/6 card and no young ladies tried to inveigle me into a gratis wine tasting event in a marquee. Indeed finding my way to my allotted seat proved difficult in a way only Old Trafford could design. After ascending the stairs in section C a steward indicated that I should find my way to row 6 and thence to seat 162. This apparently straightforward process was rendered virtually impossible as none of the rows was numbered and the seat numbers had been eradicated by the rubbing of previous occupants. Consequently there was much putting on of glasses, scratching of heads and bewilderment as the punters sort their allotted space for the day.
The appalling reality bites at Old Trafford
No sooner was I seated than I was confronted by the first stage of Old Trafford trying to turn itself into something acceptable to the ECB so that it can once again stage Ashes test matches. It is hideous and pointless. The red monstrosity apparently seats nobody and has no role to play on the ground other than as act as an eyesore. The seating area below is no greater than that provided by the demolished Tyldesley stand. And they are going to build another one on the other side of the pavilion. At some stage they are also going to change the face of the pavilion with some elegant green metal sheets. I can’t wait.
In the days when I used to toss up I would walk to the wicket with my opposite number, Ron Bunning if we were playing Paddington; we would perfunctorily examine the surface, toss a coin and stroll back making semaphore like gestures to our team mates indicating whether we were batting or bowling. It is not like this at the modern test match. I counted twenty six people on the square for the hour before the toss even took place and when it eventually gets round to the allotted time there is a frenzy of activity as the camera crews assemble and the interviews take place. This activity includes several ladies carrying clip boards. What can these be used for? The running order for the tossing up ceremony?
England won the toss and Andrew Strauss did the sensible thing by batting first. The wicket appeared to be typical Old Trafford. It was a bit bouncy and the ball turned prodigiously on the first day. Neither of these attributes/defects aided the Bangladesh bowlers. The quicks were only military medium and the spinners bowl full tosses and long hops. So why did England only make 275 for 5 in the day? They all gave their wickets away. Only Ian Bell realised that here was a golden opportunity to fill your boots. The three left handers-Strauss, Cook and Morgan- all hung their bats out to dry after getting a start. Trott was bowled off the inside edge through the gate and KP played a grossly irresponsible shot. But then “that’s the way he plays” so I suppose it’s alright.
Prat at Old Trafford
The behaviour of the crowd was not too bad. There were some pathetic attempts to carry out Mexican waves which seem to be for the benefit of the under tens. As the afternoon wore on the beer glass snakes started to appear but even they were of modest dimensions compared to those created by the Headingly West bank.
I was joined by Andrew Baker and the Professor for this outing. The seats behind us were mysteriously vacated between lunch and tea and those in front also were left unattended for a long session. When the occupants returned they were too full of something to eat the lunch they had brought with them. They then generously started to offer round some of Mr Kipling’s apple pies. One of the guys from behind us asked for some custard to accompany his.
Andrew Baker, Jim Sharp and the Professor enjoy an ice cream at Old Trafford before the umpires decided it was too dark to eat them
At five thirty after a glorious day the sun went behind a cloud and, of course the umpires and players immediately scurried off. I continue to be outraged that the paying public are consistently robbed of entertainment that they have paid for. The county championship regulations require 96 overs to be bowled in the day. Test matches have this shaved down to 90 overs. Our day was limited to 83 when on other occasions the umpires would have been happy to start in similar perfectly adequate light.
Hove Matters
The Great Jack Morgan takes the sea breezes
Glorious weather took me to Hove for the game against Worcestershire. The visitors chose to bat on a pitch as green as a snooker table and initially struggled to cope with some beautiful fast medium bowling from Corey Collymore. Daryl Mitchell fell with the score on 31 and although Phil Jaques was coping well with the difficult conditions, skipper Vikram Solanki was in terrible trouble against Collymore and also the back up seamers. That Sussex did not take several more wickets before lunch was due to bad luck, bad catching and fine batting from Jaques. Eventually Solanki (70) found his touch and began to contribute at a similar rate to Jaques as the pair put on 137 for the second wicket, but when Jaques fell to Collymore for 80, Worcestershire collapsed from 168-1 to 269-6, despite a quick 50 from Dutch international Alex Kervezee.
It needed a determined effort to rebuild the innings from there and Worcestershire found just the men in Middlesex loanee Ben Scott (who cannot hold a place in the Middlesex team because his batting is not up to standard) and young allrounder Shaaiq Choudry, who was making his debut for Worcestershire, having played for Leeds/ Bradford UCCE and Warwickshire. This unlikely pairing put on 143 for the seventh wicket as Scotty made his best score for 2 years (98 before being run out) and Choudry hit 65 to take the visitors to the riches of 464 all out.
Lively away swing bowler Richard Jones quickly had the Sussex openers back in the pavilion with only 13 on the board, but then Ed Joyce (who is going to resume his Ireland career) and captain Murray Goodwin put on 169 for the third wicket before Joycey (67) gave Choudry (slow left arm) his first Championship wicket. Goodwin went on to 111, but Sussex declined rapidly from 182-2 to 217 for 8 before Robin Martin-Jenkins (66*), who is retiring at the end of the season to become a teacher, and Yasir Arafat (40) put on 110 for the ninth wicket, but Sussex still conceded a first innings lead of 136, with Jones claiming an excellent 7 for 115.
One strange feature of the first part of the match was that Joe Gatting and Jim Anyon played as substitutes for skipper Mike Yardy and all-rounder Luke Wright who were allowed to be absent in order to celebrate the M Mouse World Cup victory with D Cameron (a sure indication of the low status accorded to Championship cricket). Another point of interest was seeing Monty Panesar come out as nightwatchman and fail to protect his new skipper (Yardy, who took over from Goodwin on his return from celebrating with celebrities) by falling to Jones for nought and forcing Yardy to face 18 balls before the close of play. Luckily, I did not see the conclusion of the match as rain intervened (though it was fine in the tropical paradise of Hampton-sur-Thames) and the match ended in a disappointing draw. Could Worcestershire have made a better attempt at getting a result? Possibly, but the fourth day weather would have meant a draw anyway.
In recent years, my visits to Hove have been spent either in the Arthur Gilligan stand or on the "grassy knoll" in the south-east corner, but now neither is available. The Gilligan has been knocked down and has not (yet) been replaced, while the grassy knoll has disappeared under hospitality prefabs. Fortunately, Sussex have not only opened part of the grassy members' area at the Cromwell Road end of the ground to non-members, but a large temporary stand in the same area is also available.
Middlesex Matters
The Great Jack Morgan updates on this sorry tale
The Middlesex v Northants game at Lord's was a depressing affair, especially as Middlesex had followed the four match losing sequence at the start of the season with a four match unbeaten run. Middlesex won the toss and, as is the custom, despite the green seamers' wickets we have seen this season (though this one was nowhere near as green as some of those in April and May), decided to bat. I was not sure whether this was the right decision or not, but I had no hopes that a total of 347 would be enough to force a win when both of the only two of the main Middlesex bowlers to average less than 34 so far this season (Steve Finn and Iain O'Brien) were unavailable for the match.
It was nice to see Sam Robson (59) and John Simpson (65) playing well and Neil Dexter (61) playing even better, but top six batters who get to 50 must go on to make match winning scores (like the Northants batsmen did). Gareth Berg (83) was even more impressive with his sparkling innings occupying only 88 balls and Gareth only got himself out after witnessing the frightening sight of Big Danny striding to the wicket; but we cannot have too much sympathy with Bergy because it is strongly rumoured that he refuses to move up the order from no 7 because he likes it there! This is the height of stupidity because i) he is currently one of the two best batsmen in the team (Dexter is the other); ii) he is getting little support from Shaun Udal and Tim Murtagh at nos 8 and 9, who are both out of touch with the bat; and iii) the last two in the order (perm any two from Steve Finn, Iain O'Brien, Danny Evans and Pedro Collins) are hopeless cases. To be fair, Finny and Danny are both young and with a lot of hard work, it is possible that they could shoot up the order to as high as... ooh... no 10, but Iain and Pedro are well into their thirties, so there really is no hope for them. To make the most of Bergy's excellent form with the bat, he really must be persuaded to bat higher.
Ex-Middlesex man Chaminda Vaas was the pick of the bowlers with 4 for 49. Middlesex had two Northants batters out for 58, but that was the end of the success as they were enthusiastically thrashed around Lord's for 581-7 dec, but who were those doing the thrashing? The most impressive of the trio of centurions was 21 year old Alex Wakely from Hammersmith, who batted beautifully for 108 despite a career average of 22 and only one first class century before this season. Then there was Stephen Peters who has not enjoyed the success that was forecast to come his way after his hundred in the 1998 U-19 World Cup final: he has served Essex, Worcestershire and Northants and his figures are those of a journeyman, yet he took 183* off Middlesex at Wantage Road in April and did even better here by going on to 199, a marathon of an effort which came off 391 balls.
Then there was Andrew Hall, a former Test player, but one known as much for his bowling as his batting, who is almost 35 years old, bats at no 7 and had previous managed only 7 first class hundreds, but Middlesex made him look high class as he hit 133 in 192 balls. But Northants had shown how easy the wicket had turned out to be, so the lads would have no trouble saving the game, would they? Most of the main batsmen got a start, but it was the same story of no one going on to a major score. On this occasion, Owais Shah came the closest with 77, but it was a dismal effort overall as they subsided meekly for 285 with skipper Hall claiming 4 for 44 and the visitors strolled home by 9 wickets. Bergy was awarded his county cap at teatime on day 2.
It is always a bit of a surprise when a captain resigns, but I doubt that many are shedding tears after Shaun's resignation. Many Middlesex people hated Shaun much more than I did, but here are some of the reasons that I was not keen on him: i) he is strongly rumoured to have manoeuvred people out of the club (Toby Radford, Ed Smith) who were standing in his way; ii) he brought in (and promoted) mates like ex-Hants buddy Richard Scott; iii) he vetoed the agreed signing of class players like "Scrapper" Blackwell; iv) he persisted in his ridiculous habit of choosing to bat on bright green pitches, despite repeated losses under this strategy; and v) most importantly, these policies have converted us from promotion challengers to continual wooden spoon candidates; only bringing in Chris Adams could have been worse! With Eoin out of the equation, an early season discussion could only come up with Dawid or Dexy as successors, so it was no surprise that the latter was appointed, though as far as I know, he is still uncapped, but I expect that will soon be (or has already been?) corrected (as I can no longer access the web site, I cannot check). Presumably it was deemed that such an inexperienced skipper would benefit from a spell under the control of such an experienced player as Adam G?
Contentious Matters
The Great Jack Morgan puts the Professor straight
The Prof makes the common mistake of thinking that the country is teeming with young quality bowlers who would be playing for England if it wasn't for Alfonso Thomas preventing them from getting a chance! The reality, of course, is totally different: I have seen Somerset 2s this season at the Oval and their pace bowling is exceptionally mediocre. Only the pacy Mark Turner (ex-Durham) has ever troubled the first team and at the age of 25, his career first class bowling average is over 50 and his figures at the Oval were 0 for 33. Most of the other Somerset bowlers were worse than Mark, though one long shot might be the tall and quickish, but very green, seamer James Hayman. Steve Finn was in the Middx system from an early age and made his first class debut in 2005 aged 16. No one in the Somerset set up has credentials remotely comparable: if those guys in their 2s had to replace class players like Willoughby, Thomas and Wright, Somerset's first class status would have to be called in to question. The benefits of having proven performers appearing regularly in the Championship, both in terms of developing young talent and providing top class entertainment, ought to be obvious to all: even the learned Prof!
Funding Matters
David Beynon also takes issue with the Professor
I am a regular reader of G&C, and one who was introduced to the journal by The Professor, my esteemed predecessor as President of Welwyn Garden City CC. I normally concur with the views he expresses so fluently but, wearing another hat as President of the Hertfordshire County Cricket Association, I must take issue with his remarks on TV funding. I spend much of the summer supporting young cricketers (boys and girls) playing at all age groups for school, club and county under the guidance of skilled coaches. This is Hertfordshire’s contribution to the development of English cricket (Steven Finn came from the Hertfordshire stable) and little of this would be possible without the financial support which the ECB can provide, largely derived from their SKY TV income. Whilst it is regrettable that Test and First Class cricket viewing is not available to the many on terrestial TV, this disadvantage is in my view far outweighed by the benefit which grass roots cricket receives from the current commercial arrangement. I am pleased that the new Government appears to have been receptive to this argument.
Unbalanced Sides
More from the World’s leading expert, the Great Jack Morgan
Unbalanced Teams part (you do the counting): it was nice for Eoin to make his Test debut, but this was wrong. Sure, they can get away with only four bowlers against the Bangles (even with no real back-up bowlers at all), but they need to find an allrounder for the challenges ahead. Shahzad was in the squad and should have played: he is a useful batter and how will they find out if he is good enough if he does not play? It will be great if Eoin turns into a Test batsman (except for Middlesex), but finding allrounder candidates to bat at 6, 7 and 8 is crucial. Do you think anyone agrees with me about this? Or should I shut up about this too? No, I'll stick with it: counties almost always pick five bowlers and if they do not, they have batters who are also useful with the ball. Surely, in a five day match, it is even more important to have a full hand of bowlers, isn‘t it? And it is the attacking option, not a defensive measure like six batsmen... why be defensive against the Bangles? Any explanations?
By the way, Eoin was a useful medium pacer (definitely a positive factor in one-dayers) when he first played for the 2s about 7 years ago, so why didn't Middx encourage his bowling? It's true that his batting was clearly his stronger suit, but many a batsman has been able to help out a four man England attack: W Hammond, W Edrich, N Yardley, B Close, E Dexter, K Barrington, B D'Oliveira, R Barber, G Gooch, P Willey, G Hick, M Butcher et al are just a few that spring to mind. So why wasn't Eoin's bowling allowed to develop?
Club Matters
When I was at Old Trafford with the Professor I mentioned to him the enormous scores being made in the Middlesex League, details of which I occasionally receive from Rocker Robinson. I received this from him shortly afterwards:
“Yesterday WGCCC played away against a side that knocked up 343-6 in their 66 overs. Our response? 344-7 off 53...simple! Nearly 700 runs in the day at a tad under a run a ball - Jack Robertson would not be impressed.”
Experimental Matters
The Great Jack Morgan was our man on the spot
I went to Wimbledon to see the experimental "2 innings 40" Second XI match between Surrey and Middlesex. The 2 innings 40 title is misleading: it should really be "1 innings that is played in two separate halves". It was the first time that I had ever watched anything like this and it was also my first experience of the pink ball. Surrey won the toss and, unsurprisingly, chose to field first. Middlesex got off to a poor start with opener Josh Davey (stumped off a wide) and skipper Dan Housego both falling to Tom Jewell. Left hander Jackson Thompson (ex-Gloucestershire) played some forceful shots in his 21 and Paul Stirling and Adam London nudged the total along to 79 for 3 when the first break arrived after 20 overs. There had not been anything particularly venomous about the Surrey attack, so the Middlesex progress seemed particularly pedestrian, but I suppose they wanted to preserve wickets for the second half? Surrey did not seem concerned about this as left-hander Tom Lancefield and skipper Stewart Walters rattled along at five or six an over and were in a very strong position on 116-0 when they went in for the half-time oranges.
As expected, Middlesex adopted a much more aggressive approach after the break, but this led to a flurry of wickets as Stirling (30) and London (24) were both caught on the boundary and when keeper Stuart Poynter was stumped soon afterwards, Middlesex were in deep trouble on 101-6. However, Toby Roland-Jones joined Kabir Toor and both batsmen produced some exciting strokeplay to put on 90 in rapid time before Toby fell for 43, but then Kabir (65*) found another useful partner in Ravi Patel (21) and Middlesex closed on unexpected riches at 234, Jewell finishing with four wickets.
This would not have been such a bad total in normal circumstances, but the trouble was that Surrey only needed 119 with ten wickets in hand. Walters and Lancefield extended their excellent stand to 172 before Walters fell for 67, but Lancefield completed a fine century before he departed soon afterwards for 105. If Middlesex thought that they now had a sniff of a chance, this soon disappeared as Jason Roy (38*) and Laurie Evans (24) ensured a comfortable Surrey win by 7 wickets. This was quite an entertaining day, but I am not quite sure why it is necessary to conduct such experiments: is it because the attention span of the modern cricket watcher can no longer cope with forty overs at one sitting?
Agony Matters
The following email was received unsigned from the FA headquarters at Wembley:
Dear Arthur,
You will appreciate my reluctance to personally sign this communication. We are gutted here at HQ. We put everything in place to ensure that we would win the World Cup We have the best league in the world, we employed the best coach and paid him even more than Wayne. But inexplicably we have been eliminated. We are at our wits end. What did we do wrong?
Dear FA,
You have asked the right man. I have been contemplating this enigma and can respond to your query in depth:
Pleased to be of assistance.
Arthur
Old Trafford Cock Ups
My ticket for the Australia ODI said that I should enter the ground by entrance 3. I approached the ground in the normal way and went past entrance 2. When I got to the next entrance I asked the attendant if it was entrance 3 as there was no number indicated. He told me that it was entrance 4 and that entrance 3 was back where I had come from. He said I could enter at entrance 4 anyway. Hm.
At the same event the Professor’s wife asked him what the numbers were on the back of the players’ shirts. He started to give an appropriately erudite response and then fished around in his bag and produced his scorecard to complete the explanation. Unfortunately the card merely listed the players in batting order and there was no reference to their squad numbers. This was produced by a club that thinks it should be staging big international matches.
Verse Matters
Colin Price sent me this ditty composed by Russell Thomas
Come all ye fair young maidens and hearken unto me,
Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.
Randier than a sailor, who's been six months at sea,
Never let a cricketer's hand an inch above your knee.
First let's take the paceman, pure speed from first to last,
My darlings do be careful; his balls are hard and fast!
Then there's the medium pacer, his balls swing either way;
He's really most persistent and can keep it up all day!
And watch for the off-spinner, girls, another awkward chap.
If you leave him half an opening, he will slip one through the gap!
Then there's the wily 'slowy', pure cunning is his strength;
He'll tempt you, then he'll trap you with his very subtle length.
So ladies, do be careful, your mothers would agree,
Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.
And what about the opening bat, his struggles never cease,
He has only one ambition, to spend all day at the crease!
The number three is a dasher, he seldom prods and pokes.
When he goes into action, he has a fine array of strokes.
And do beware the slogger, not content with one or two;
When he arrives at the crease then only six will do.
Then there's the real stonewaller, girls, he knows what he's about;
And if you let him settle in, it's hard to get him out!
We come now to the last man, I hope this will not shock,
He doesn't mind if he's last man in, as long as he gets a knock.
So, darlings, do be careful, and be well warned by me:
Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.
And watch the wicketkeeper, girls, he's full of flair and dash;
And if you raise your heel, he'll whip them off in a flash.
If you take the field with the captain, you'd better know the score;
Or he'll have you in positions that you never knew before!
The cricket commentator is a nasty sort of bloke,
He watches all the action and describes it stroke by stroke.
Even the kindly umpire, who looks friendly as a pup;
You'll quickly find you've had it, when he puts his finger up!
So, darlings, please remember and repeat it after me:
!!!!NEVER TRUST A CRICKETER, WHOEVER HE MAY BE!!!!!
Old Danes Matters
Shepherds Bush CC has again kindly agreed to host an Old Danes Gathering on Friday 30th July 2010. All Old Danes from any generation will be welcome and in the past three years there have been representatives from the forties, fifties, sixties and seventies. It is appreciated that some attendees have to travel considerable distances and wives, partners and non OD friends will also be made welcome. The event will start around 2pm and will continue into the evening so it is possible to join the event at any stage during the afternoon. The bar is open all afternoon and food will be available.
Football Matters
Kelvin West continues to play an active role in Andrew Baker’s Ladies team despite his relocation to Greece. He has been hosting the team who have taken a well deserved break and have been playing in some matches against local opposition. He sent me this photo of the substitutes warming up.
Googlies and Chinamen
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Tel & fax: 01298 70237
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An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 91
July 2010
Conversations Overheard
Angus Fraser: Hey Kev. I hear that you are leaving Hampshire at the end of the season.
KP: Yeah It’s too far to travel.
Angus Fraser: Why? Where do you live?
KP: Chelsea.
Angus Fraser: Why don’t you come and play for Middlesex?
KP: Where do they play?
Angus Fraser: Our headquarters are at Radlett but the first team play at Lords.
KP: How would I get there?
Angus Fraser: From Chelsea? Let me see. You can get a bus to Shepherds Bush and then take the tube, Central Line I think, to Bond Street and change there for the Jubilee Line. You then go to St Johns Wood and its about a half mile walk down Wellington Road. Easier than going to the Rose Bowl I should think.
KP: And how would I get to Radlett.
Angus Fraser: No one has worked that out yet. I’m sure that we could work out the finances. We did so for Adam Gilchrist.
KP: Well I’m pleased to hear that. Now you’ve got me interested. I will need a three year contract, match fee, appearance money, non-appearance money, run sponsorship, boundaries sponsorship, kit sponsorship, grooming sponsorship, watch sponsorship, sunglasses sponsorship, personal valet, nanny, child support, extensive “away from the game” breaks, daily allowance, travel allowance, a kick back from the other players for me gracing them with my presence, result bonus, boot money and a substantial golden hello.
Angus Fraser: (Gulp) I’m not sure that we can manage all that.
KP: All right drop the Child Support. I get that from the Government anyway.
Old Trafford Matters
I made my cricket debut for 2010 at Old Trafford on Friday to see the first day of the second Bangladesh test. This sorry state of affairs was brought on by a series of incidents which necessitated continual work activity during April and May. On the plus side I set out and arrived at the ground in splendid summer weather.
It was only after I had made my way to my seat that I realised what was different about my entrance to the ground. In recent years I had been treated like a terrorist when attempting to gain entrance to test matches. I had been patted down and by bags had been searched for explosives and other normal stuff I carry on my person. My scissors had famously been confiscated at Headingley last year. This year security has been dispensed with and I could easily have conveyed a Howitzer into the ground had I been so been inclined. Gone also were the dreaded green coats who used to spend the entire match reclining in chairs on the grass facing the crowd.
Old Trafford, though, continues to amaze one with its lack of facilities and missed opportunities. Maybe it is the recession still biting in the North West. I am used to being festooned with freebies at test matches but there were none. Nobody insisted on presenting me with a free newspaper with Geoffrey Boycott’s views expressed therein, I made it all the way to my seat without having to adopt an npower 4/6 card and no young ladies tried to inveigle me into a gratis wine tasting event in a marquee. Indeed finding my way to my allotted seat proved difficult in a way only Old Trafford could design. After ascending the stairs in section C a steward indicated that I should find my way to row 6 and thence to seat 162. This apparently straightforward process was rendered virtually impossible as none of the rows was numbered and the seat numbers had been eradicated by the rubbing of previous occupants. Consequently there was much putting on of glasses, scratching of heads and bewilderment as the punters sort their allotted space for the day.
The appalling reality bites at Old Trafford
No sooner was I seated than I was confronted by the first stage of Old Trafford trying to turn itself into something acceptable to the ECB so that it can once again stage Ashes test matches. It is hideous and pointless. The red monstrosity apparently seats nobody and has no role to play on the ground other than as act as an eyesore. The seating area below is no greater than that provided by the demolished Tyldesley stand. And they are going to build another one on the other side of the pavilion. At some stage they are also going to change the face of the pavilion with some elegant green metal sheets. I can’t wait.
In the days when I used to toss up I would walk to the wicket with my opposite number, Ron Bunning if we were playing Paddington; we would perfunctorily examine the surface, toss a coin and stroll back making semaphore like gestures to our team mates indicating whether we were batting or bowling. It is not like this at the modern test match. I counted twenty six people on the square for the hour before the toss even took place and when it eventually gets round to the allotted time there is a frenzy of activity as the camera crews assemble and the interviews take place. This activity includes several ladies carrying clip boards. What can these be used for? The running order for the tossing up ceremony?
England won the toss and Andrew Strauss did the sensible thing by batting first. The wicket appeared to be typical Old Trafford. It was a bit bouncy and the ball turned prodigiously on the first day. Neither of these attributes/defects aided the Bangladesh bowlers. The quicks were only military medium and the spinners bowl full tosses and long hops. So why did England only make 275 for 5 in the day? They all gave their wickets away. Only Ian Bell realised that here was a golden opportunity to fill your boots. The three left handers-Strauss, Cook and Morgan- all hung their bats out to dry after getting a start. Trott was bowled off the inside edge through the gate and KP played a grossly irresponsible shot. But then “that’s the way he plays” so I suppose it’s alright.
Prat at Old Trafford
The behaviour of the crowd was not too bad. There were some pathetic attempts to carry out Mexican waves which seem to be for the benefit of the under tens. As the afternoon wore on the beer glass snakes started to appear but even they were of modest dimensions compared to those created by the Headingly West bank.
I was joined by Andrew Baker and the Professor for this outing. The seats behind us were mysteriously vacated between lunch and tea and those in front also were left unattended for a long session. When the occupants returned they were too full of something to eat the lunch they had brought with them. They then generously started to offer round some of Mr Kipling’s apple pies. One of the guys from behind us asked for some custard to accompany his.
Andrew Baker, Jim Sharp and the Professor enjoy an ice cream at Old Trafford before the umpires decided it was too dark to eat them
At five thirty after a glorious day the sun went behind a cloud and, of course the umpires and players immediately scurried off. I continue to be outraged that the paying public are consistently robbed of entertainment that they have paid for. The county championship regulations require 96 overs to be bowled in the day. Test matches have this shaved down to 90 overs. Our day was limited to 83 when on other occasions the umpires would have been happy to start in similar perfectly adequate light.
Hove Matters
The Great Jack Morgan takes the sea breezes
Glorious weather took me to Hove for the game against Worcestershire. The visitors chose to bat on a pitch as green as a snooker table and initially struggled to cope with some beautiful fast medium bowling from Corey Collymore. Daryl Mitchell fell with the score on 31 and although Phil Jaques was coping well with the difficult conditions, skipper Vikram Solanki was in terrible trouble against Collymore and also the back up seamers. That Sussex did not take several more wickets before lunch was due to bad luck, bad catching and fine batting from Jaques. Eventually Solanki (70) found his touch and began to contribute at a similar rate to Jaques as the pair put on 137 for the second wicket, but when Jaques fell to Collymore for 80, Worcestershire collapsed from 168-1 to 269-6, despite a quick 50 from Dutch international Alex Kervezee.
It needed a determined effort to rebuild the innings from there and Worcestershire found just the men in Middlesex loanee Ben Scott (who cannot hold a place in the Middlesex team because his batting is not up to standard) and young allrounder Shaaiq Choudry, who was making his debut for Worcestershire, having played for Leeds/ Bradford UCCE and Warwickshire. This unlikely pairing put on 143 for the seventh wicket as Scotty made his best score for 2 years (98 before being run out) and Choudry hit 65 to take the visitors to the riches of 464 all out.
Lively away swing bowler Richard Jones quickly had the Sussex openers back in the pavilion with only 13 on the board, but then Ed Joyce (who is going to resume his Ireland career) and captain Murray Goodwin put on 169 for the third wicket before Joycey (67) gave Choudry (slow left arm) his first Championship wicket. Goodwin went on to 111, but Sussex declined rapidly from 182-2 to 217 for 8 before Robin Martin-Jenkins (66*), who is retiring at the end of the season to become a teacher, and Yasir Arafat (40) put on 110 for the ninth wicket, but Sussex still conceded a first innings lead of 136, with Jones claiming an excellent 7 for 115.
One strange feature of the first part of the match was that Joe Gatting and Jim Anyon played as substitutes for skipper Mike Yardy and all-rounder Luke Wright who were allowed to be absent in order to celebrate the M Mouse World Cup victory with D Cameron (a sure indication of the low status accorded to Championship cricket). Another point of interest was seeing Monty Panesar come out as nightwatchman and fail to protect his new skipper (Yardy, who took over from Goodwin on his return from celebrating with celebrities) by falling to Jones for nought and forcing Yardy to face 18 balls before the close of play. Luckily, I did not see the conclusion of the match as rain intervened (though it was fine in the tropical paradise of Hampton-sur-Thames) and the match ended in a disappointing draw. Could Worcestershire have made a better attempt at getting a result? Possibly, but the fourth day weather would have meant a draw anyway.
In recent years, my visits to Hove have been spent either in the Arthur Gilligan stand or on the "grassy knoll" in the south-east corner, but now neither is available. The Gilligan has been knocked down and has not (yet) been replaced, while the grassy knoll has disappeared under hospitality prefabs. Fortunately, Sussex have not only opened part of the grassy members' area at the Cromwell Road end of the ground to non-members, but a large temporary stand in the same area is also available.
Middlesex Matters
The Great Jack Morgan updates on this sorry tale
The Middlesex v Northants game at Lord's was a depressing affair, especially as Middlesex had followed the four match losing sequence at the start of the season with a four match unbeaten run. Middlesex won the toss and, as is the custom, despite the green seamers' wickets we have seen this season (though this one was nowhere near as green as some of those in April and May), decided to bat. I was not sure whether this was the right decision or not, but I had no hopes that a total of 347 would be enough to force a win when both of the only two of the main Middlesex bowlers to average less than 34 so far this season (Steve Finn and Iain O'Brien) were unavailable for the match.
It was nice to see Sam Robson (59) and John Simpson (65) playing well and Neil Dexter (61) playing even better, but top six batters who get to 50 must go on to make match winning scores (like the Northants batsmen did). Gareth Berg (83) was even more impressive with his sparkling innings occupying only 88 balls and Gareth only got himself out after witnessing the frightening sight of Big Danny striding to the wicket; but we cannot have too much sympathy with Bergy because it is strongly rumoured that he refuses to move up the order from no 7 because he likes it there! This is the height of stupidity because i) he is currently one of the two best batsmen in the team (Dexter is the other); ii) he is getting little support from Shaun Udal and Tim Murtagh at nos 8 and 9, who are both out of touch with the bat; and iii) the last two in the order (perm any two from Steve Finn, Iain O'Brien, Danny Evans and Pedro Collins) are hopeless cases. To be fair, Finny and Danny are both young and with a lot of hard work, it is possible that they could shoot up the order to as high as... ooh... no 10, but Iain and Pedro are well into their thirties, so there really is no hope for them. To make the most of Bergy's excellent form with the bat, he really must be persuaded to bat higher.
Ex-Middlesex man Chaminda Vaas was the pick of the bowlers with 4 for 49. Middlesex had two Northants batters out for 58, but that was the end of the success as they were enthusiastically thrashed around Lord's for 581-7 dec, but who were those doing the thrashing? The most impressive of the trio of centurions was 21 year old Alex Wakely from Hammersmith, who batted beautifully for 108 despite a career average of 22 and only one first class century before this season. Then there was Stephen Peters who has not enjoyed the success that was forecast to come his way after his hundred in the 1998 U-19 World Cup final: he has served Essex, Worcestershire and Northants and his figures are those of a journeyman, yet he took 183* off Middlesex at Wantage Road in April and did even better here by going on to 199, a marathon of an effort which came off 391 balls.
Then there was Andrew Hall, a former Test player, but one known as much for his bowling as his batting, who is almost 35 years old, bats at no 7 and had previous managed only 7 first class hundreds, but Middlesex made him look high class as he hit 133 in 192 balls. But Northants had shown how easy the wicket had turned out to be, so the lads would have no trouble saving the game, would they? Most of the main batsmen got a start, but it was the same story of no one going on to a major score. On this occasion, Owais Shah came the closest with 77, but it was a dismal effort overall as they subsided meekly for 285 with skipper Hall claiming 4 for 44 and the visitors strolled home by 9 wickets. Bergy was awarded his county cap at teatime on day 2.
It is always a bit of a surprise when a captain resigns, but I doubt that many are shedding tears after Shaun's resignation. Many Middlesex people hated Shaun much more than I did, but here are some of the reasons that I was not keen on him: i) he is strongly rumoured to have manoeuvred people out of the club (Toby Radford, Ed Smith) who were standing in his way; ii) he brought in (and promoted) mates like ex-Hants buddy Richard Scott; iii) he vetoed the agreed signing of class players like "Scrapper" Blackwell; iv) he persisted in his ridiculous habit of choosing to bat on bright green pitches, despite repeated losses under this strategy; and v) most importantly, these policies have converted us from promotion challengers to continual wooden spoon candidates; only bringing in Chris Adams could have been worse! With Eoin out of the equation, an early season discussion could only come up with Dawid or Dexy as successors, so it was no surprise that the latter was appointed, though as far as I know, he is still uncapped, but I expect that will soon be (or has already been?) corrected (as I can no longer access the web site, I cannot check). Presumably it was deemed that such an inexperienced skipper would benefit from a spell under the control of such an experienced player as Adam G?
Contentious Matters
The Great Jack Morgan puts the Professor straight
The Prof makes the common mistake of thinking that the country is teeming with young quality bowlers who would be playing for England if it wasn't for Alfonso Thomas preventing them from getting a chance! The reality, of course, is totally different: I have seen Somerset 2s this season at the Oval and their pace bowling is exceptionally mediocre. Only the pacy Mark Turner (ex-Durham) has ever troubled the first team and at the age of 25, his career first class bowling average is over 50 and his figures at the Oval were 0 for 33. Most of the other Somerset bowlers were worse than Mark, though one long shot might be the tall and quickish, but very green, seamer James Hayman. Steve Finn was in the Middx system from an early age and made his first class debut in 2005 aged 16. No one in the Somerset set up has credentials remotely comparable: if those guys in their 2s had to replace class players like Willoughby, Thomas and Wright, Somerset's first class status would have to be called in to question. The benefits of having proven performers appearing regularly in the Championship, both in terms of developing young talent and providing top class entertainment, ought to be obvious to all: even the learned Prof!
Funding Matters
David Beynon also takes issue with the Professor
I am a regular reader of G&C, and one who was introduced to the journal by The Professor, my esteemed predecessor as President of Welwyn Garden City CC. I normally concur with the views he expresses so fluently but, wearing another hat as President of the Hertfordshire County Cricket Association, I must take issue with his remarks on TV funding. I spend much of the summer supporting young cricketers (boys and girls) playing at all age groups for school, club and county under the guidance of skilled coaches. This is Hertfordshire’s contribution to the development of English cricket (Steven Finn came from the Hertfordshire stable) and little of this would be possible without the financial support which the ECB can provide, largely derived from their SKY TV income. Whilst it is regrettable that Test and First Class cricket viewing is not available to the many on terrestial TV, this disadvantage is in my view far outweighed by the benefit which grass roots cricket receives from the current commercial arrangement. I am pleased that the new Government appears to have been receptive to this argument.
Unbalanced Sides
More from the World’s leading expert, the Great Jack Morgan
Unbalanced Teams part (you do the counting): it was nice for Eoin to make his Test debut, but this was wrong. Sure, they can get away with only four bowlers against the Bangles (even with no real back-up bowlers at all), but they need to find an allrounder for the challenges ahead. Shahzad was in the squad and should have played: he is a useful batter and how will they find out if he is good enough if he does not play? It will be great if Eoin turns into a Test batsman (except for Middlesex), but finding allrounder candidates to bat at 6, 7 and 8 is crucial. Do you think anyone agrees with me about this? Or should I shut up about this too? No, I'll stick with it: counties almost always pick five bowlers and if they do not, they have batters who are also useful with the ball. Surely, in a five day match, it is even more important to have a full hand of bowlers, isn‘t it? And it is the attacking option, not a defensive measure like six batsmen... why be defensive against the Bangles? Any explanations?
By the way, Eoin was a useful medium pacer (definitely a positive factor in one-dayers) when he first played for the 2s about 7 years ago, so why didn't Middx encourage his bowling? It's true that his batting was clearly his stronger suit, but many a batsman has been able to help out a four man England attack: W Hammond, W Edrich, N Yardley, B Close, E Dexter, K Barrington, B D'Oliveira, R Barber, G Gooch, P Willey, G Hick, M Butcher et al are just a few that spring to mind. So why wasn't Eoin's bowling allowed to develop?
Club Matters
When I was at Old Trafford with the Professor I mentioned to him the enormous scores being made in the Middlesex League, details of which I occasionally receive from Rocker Robinson. I received this from him shortly afterwards:
“Yesterday WGCCC played away against a side that knocked up 343-6 in their 66 overs. Our response? 344-7 off 53...simple! Nearly 700 runs in the day at a tad under a run a ball - Jack Robertson would not be impressed.”
Experimental Matters
The Great Jack Morgan was our man on the spot
I went to Wimbledon to see the experimental "2 innings 40" Second XI match between Surrey and Middlesex. The 2 innings 40 title is misleading: it should really be "1 innings that is played in two separate halves". It was the first time that I had ever watched anything like this and it was also my first experience of the pink ball. Surrey won the toss and, unsurprisingly, chose to field first. Middlesex got off to a poor start with opener Josh Davey (stumped off a wide) and skipper Dan Housego both falling to Tom Jewell. Left hander Jackson Thompson (ex-Gloucestershire) played some forceful shots in his 21 and Paul Stirling and Adam London nudged the total along to 79 for 3 when the first break arrived after 20 overs. There had not been anything particularly venomous about the Surrey attack, so the Middlesex progress seemed particularly pedestrian, but I suppose they wanted to preserve wickets for the second half? Surrey did not seem concerned about this as left-hander Tom Lancefield and skipper Stewart Walters rattled along at five or six an over and were in a very strong position on 116-0 when they went in for the half-time oranges.
As expected, Middlesex adopted a much more aggressive approach after the break, but this led to a flurry of wickets as Stirling (30) and London (24) were both caught on the boundary and when keeper Stuart Poynter was stumped soon afterwards, Middlesex were in deep trouble on 101-6. However, Toby Roland-Jones joined Kabir Toor and both batsmen produced some exciting strokeplay to put on 90 in rapid time before Toby fell for 43, but then Kabir (65*) found another useful partner in Ravi Patel (21) and Middlesex closed on unexpected riches at 234, Jewell finishing with four wickets.
This would not have been such a bad total in normal circumstances, but the trouble was that Surrey only needed 119 with ten wickets in hand. Walters and Lancefield extended their excellent stand to 172 before Walters fell for 67, but Lancefield completed a fine century before he departed soon afterwards for 105. If Middlesex thought that they now had a sniff of a chance, this soon disappeared as Jason Roy (38*) and Laurie Evans (24) ensured a comfortable Surrey win by 7 wickets. This was quite an entertaining day, but I am not quite sure why it is necessary to conduct such experiments: is it because the attention span of the modern cricket watcher can no longer cope with forty overs at one sitting?
Agony Matters
The following email was received unsigned from the FA headquarters at Wembley:
Dear Arthur,
You will appreciate my reluctance to personally sign this communication. We are gutted here at HQ. We put everything in place to ensure that we would win the World Cup We have the best league in the world, we employed the best coach and paid him even more than Wayne. But inexplicably we have been eliminated. We are at our wits end. What did we do wrong?
Dear FA,
You have asked the right man. I have been contemplating this enigma and can respond to your query in depth:
- It is nothing to do with the structure of the English game, the balls used, altitude, exhaustion or too much football.
- The Premiership is the best league in the world for a good reason-the way the football is played. The style is based on pace and, in the main, one touch tactics. Your manager may have won plaudits and trophies elsewhere but he has no experience of the premiership and his tactics reflected this.
- All of the successful sides in the premiership and, indeed, the world play a holding midfield player in front of the back four to protect them. Your esteemed manage not only didn’t copy this he didn’t even include a holding midfield player in the party.
- The great sides in soccer history are selected to play to the tactics the manager determines. Famously Alf Ramsey selected Cohen, Stiles and Hurst for his team when most pundits would not have included them in the twenty two. Your manager seemed to select exclusively on a popularity basis as if he didn’t want to disappoint any star’s club fan base. Whilst it is unclear whether there was any tactical plan it is probable that the selected bunch could not perform to any coordinated plan. If your man had determined his tactics first he might have been able to select a team to comply with them.
- We were repeatedly told that the team was not announced until two hours before kick off. Does this mean that preparations included contingency plans for every possible combination from the squad? How could the critical defensive formation plan its activities if the players didn’t know who would be playing where? If the timing of team announcements is true then no selection stood a chance against well drilled opposition.
- The blame lies exclusively at the door of the FA who chose a donkey to run the campaign.
Pleased to be of assistance.
Arthur
Old Trafford Cock Ups
My ticket for the Australia ODI said that I should enter the ground by entrance 3. I approached the ground in the normal way and went past entrance 2. When I got to the next entrance I asked the attendant if it was entrance 3 as there was no number indicated. He told me that it was entrance 4 and that entrance 3 was back where I had come from. He said I could enter at entrance 4 anyway. Hm.
At the same event the Professor’s wife asked him what the numbers were on the back of the players’ shirts. He started to give an appropriately erudite response and then fished around in his bag and produced his scorecard to complete the explanation. Unfortunately the card merely listed the players in batting order and there was no reference to their squad numbers. This was produced by a club that thinks it should be staging big international matches.
Verse Matters
Colin Price sent me this ditty composed by Russell Thomas
Come all ye fair young maidens and hearken unto me,
Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.
Randier than a sailor, who's been six months at sea,
Never let a cricketer's hand an inch above your knee.
First let's take the paceman, pure speed from first to last,
My darlings do be careful; his balls are hard and fast!
Then there's the medium pacer, his balls swing either way;
He's really most persistent and can keep it up all day!
And watch for the off-spinner, girls, another awkward chap.
If you leave him half an opening, he will slip one through the gap!
Then there's the wily 'slowy', pure cunning is his strength;
He'll tempt you, then he'll trap you with his very subtle length.
So ladies, do be careful, your mothers would agree,
Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.
And what about the opening bat, his struggles never cease,
He has only one ambition, to spend all day at the crease!
The number three is a dasher, he seldom prods and pokes.
When he goes into action, he has a fine array of strokes.
And do beware the slogger, not content with one or two;
When he arrives at the crease then only six will do.
Then there's the real stonewaller, girls, he knows what he's about;
And if you let him settle in, it's hard to get him out!
We come now to the last man, I hope this will not shock,
He doesn't mind if he's last man in, as long as he gets a knock.
So, darlings, do be careful, and be well warned by me:
Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.
And watch the wicketkeeper, girls, he's full of flair and dash;
And if you raise your heel, he'll whip them off in a flash.
If you take the field with the captain, you'd better know the score;
Or he'll have you in positions that you never knew before!
The cricket commentator is a nasty sort of bloke,
He watches all the action and describes it stroke by stroke.
Even the kindly umpire, who looks friendly as a pup;
You'll quickly find you've had it, when he puts his finger up!
So, darlings, please remember and repeat it after me:
!!!!NEVER TRUST A CRICKETER, WHOEVER HE MAY BE!!!!!
Old Danes Matters
Shepherds Bush CC has again kindly agreed to host an Old Danes Gathering on Friday 30th July 2010. All Old Danes from any generation will be welcome and in the past three years there have been representatives from the forties, fifties, sixties and seventies. It is appreciated that some attendees have to travel considerable distances and wives, partners and non OD friends will also be made welcome. The event will start around 2pm and will continue into the evening so it is possible to join the event at any stage during the afternoon. The bar is open all afternoon and food will be available.
Football Matters
Kelvin West continues to play an active role in Andrew Baker’s Ladies team despite his relocation to Greece. He has been hosting the team who have taken a well deserved break and have been playing in some matches against local opposition. He sent me this photo of the substitutes warming up.
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