GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 141
September 2014
Out and About with the Professor
I’ve never understood how Edinburgh obtained its sobriquet: “the Athens of the North”. I have been to both cities a fair number of times and it seems very difficult to establish any clear comparisons between them. Edinburgh has a number of distinguished, historical buildings, whereas Athens, with one stunning world-famous exception, has very few. The Scottish capital is built around a valley with many resulting steep climbs and descents, while the topography of Athens is often described as a “soup bowl”. The difference in climate is fairly obvious, as is the difference in pollution levels, to anyone passing through. Indeed the much debated introduction of the Edinburgh tram system has further checked the growth in pollutants already held at bay by the howling gale that comes off the Firth of Forth and knocks old ladies off their feet in the Royal Mile.
In addition, Edinburgh has a Festival…and what a festival it is. There is Culture with a capital “C” and lots of rather lower case comedy. One of the later shows this season featured a “set” (as I believe they are called) about sports punditry. Alan Hansen and the appalling Henry Blofeld were the most easily imitated (and derided) but there was a fair spread, and the content often featured the abuse handed out by former players to their erstwhile colleagues. About two days’ later, I heard Alistair Cook’s reaction to Graeme Swann’s remarks, describing him as a “so-called friend”.
So, why do they do it? Why do retired players make personal and unkind remarks about former team-mates? If the answer is: “for money”, then the opprobrium remains. They don’t of course defend themselves like that. They are now “pundits” and paid to give their opinions. Swann said that he “tells it as he sees it”. But that is the problem, it’s not what he sees that is at issue it is how he tells it. And he’s not alone. Vaughan is another recent retiree who likes to tell what he sees. (I think we can absolve Strauss, since he is more circumspect…at least when he thinks he’s on air).
But being critical (as distinct from giving offence) is considerable skill. These former players think that because they can speak, they can write. But they can’t. Telling what you see is not critical analysis. Moreover, can none of them recall how they reacted to similar “attacks”? One abiding memory of a test match at Lord’s was in 2004 when, towards the end of his captaincy, and under considerable media “pressure”, Hussain scored a hundred, dropped to one knee and showed his clenched fist to the media centre, or more specifically to the men who, he said: “had made his life a misery”.
Hussain, as we know, was a man who wore his heart on his sleeve, so we know that the criticism hurt. So why does he do it now? Is it for the same reason as the Edinburgh Festival comic – money (and rather more than he was getting) or is it that he and Swann and Vaughan lack the skill to say what they see with sensitivity. Or do they just not care, and if not, why not?
Chesterfield Matters
I last went for a day’s cricket with Peter Butler to the Centenary Test and so when, in his Christmas card, he suggested it was time we had another I promptly agreed that it was a good idea. However, I knew that I had to be careful since Peter is an Essex man and a trip to Chelmsford would involve me in a lot of driving. So I suggested that we might meet somewhere in the middle such as Grace Road, Edgbaston or Trent Bridge thinking that the meeting was more important than the match involving either of our teams, Middlesex or Essex. Of course I was wrong and his reply suggested various venues that Essex would be attending ranging from Scarborough to Swansea. But he included in that list Chesterfield which is just a gentle hour’s drive for me and so I quickly took him up on this and we made our arrangements.
Peter decided to travel up by train and on the morning of the game I got a call from him saying that the officials at St Pancras would not let him onto his planned train because he had the wrong ticket but that he would be able to ride on the next one. I haven’t so far mentioned that Peter is on the Committee at Chelmsford and by the time I picked him up he had found another of his Committee colleagues. This necessitated some panic seat clearance in my car which rarely has one passenger let alone two. Peter had informed his Derbyshire counterparts that he would constitute the formal Essex contingency and so when we arrived at the ground we received the red carpet treatment as the car was ushered into a prime parking spot and we were soon shaking hands with all of the Derbyshire chaps in their own special enclosure in front of a catering marquee.
Coffee and scorecards were supplied and as we took our seats we were able to establish that Nick Browne had completed his century having been not out in the nineties overnight and Greg Smith (formerly of Derbyshire) had been dismissed. The bowling was tight with Palladino (formerly of Essex) and Taylor impressing. Essex ground their way to 277 all out and a lead of 2 with Browne carrying his bat. Significantly Phillips top scored amongst the last four batsmen with just 4 runs. In the Derbyshire first innings only Palladino of the last six batsmen with 12 had made it into double figures.
My last visit to Chesterfield was a couple of years ago with the Professor and in typical Derbyshire conditions there had been a cloudburst at lunchtime although play had resumed in the afternoon. On this occasion the sun shone and we were able to sit in shirtsleeves as Derbyshire began their second innings. Graham Napier seemed to fancy it and had Borrington out LBW in his first over. My suspicions about the wicket looked like being confirmed but Slater and Madsen made steady progress. I was intrigued to see Jesse Ryder bowling. It’s hardly correct to say that he has slimmed down but he put in a couple of tight spells at something over military medium. Madsen, the Derbyshire captain had made 90 in the first innings and he looked in good touch making another half century when Slater ran him out. Slater had also reached fifty but was soon caught behind and he was quickly followed back to the pavilion by Hughes and Cross. This spelled serious problems for Derbyshire as Durston had been hit on the head whilst batting in the first innings and it was by no means certain that he would bat at all in the second.
Wainwright joined Chanderpaul at the crease. It is a privilege to see great players at work. I saw Chanderpaul make a magnificent 150 plus at Headingley a couple of years ago and again on this occasion he played effortlessly and accumulated at a deceptively fast rate. I had told anyone who was listening that Derbyshire were in dire trouble since Wainwright couldn’t bat, but what do I know? He wasn’t troubled by the Essex attack and was 28 not out by the time we left. Chanderpaul was 61 not out.
The Chesterfield ground looked splendid in the sun. I understand the difficulties that the counties have in continuing with the festival weeks but it would be a great pity to lose more of these venues. By all accounts the Cheltenham week was a triumph this year. The Chesterfield wicket seemed more durable than the one I was to witness at Horsham.
I should record that it was a joy to watch James Foster in action. He and Chris Read are the senior proper wicket keepers in the English game. I can confidently state that Jos Buttler will never be a proper keeper. He kept poorly at the Oval and even finds Ali difficult to take. He was spoiled in that the Indian innings were so short and he consequently didn’t have long sessions in the field. At test level the mediocre keepers get found out in the third, fourth and fifth sessions. As they tire they depend more and more on technique. Buttler like Prior before him lacks basic technique.
I got Peter back to the station in good time for his train and we had had a splendid day in the sun, so much so that when I got home I discovered that I had got burned on the head. The following day Chanderpaul set Essex a stiff target and they looked set to win as they shot out most of the top order but Browne completed his second hundred of the match and ten Doeschate also got one as Essex secured a draw.
Morgan’s Month
The Great Jack Morgan tells about his record month
I see that Tredders is already back at Kent and played against Durham yesterday. He took 0-55, but played a major role in steering the home team to a narrow last over victory. Chasing 271-7, he came in at 203-7 and his 38* was crucial to their 2 wicket win. Even tighter was the Notts/ Somerset game at TB, which ended in a 261-8 tie! There was nothing tight about Warwick's revenge over Sussex at Edgbaston as the Bears won by 118; the visitors may have been missing Tredders as their three spinners went for 1-121 in 22 overs and this thrashing enabled Sussex to replace Middlesex at the bottom of the group B table. There was another excellent game at Taunton on Thursday as Kent made 383-7 with two Sams, capt Northeast (132) sharing a sixth wicket stand of 157 with keeper Billings (135*) and Somerset nearly got them as Tim Groenewald (52*, is he on loan?) and Alfonso Thomas (49*) added 103* for the ninth wicket.
It was great for England to finally get a Test win (after very nearly a year) at the Rose Bowl, but I did not feel that India played well in this one. Nearly all the Eng players did quite well, but there could still be changes because i) Anderson might be suspended; ii) Jordan had a quiet game apart from a couple of catches; and iii) although Woakes got plenty of praise, he did not actually get any wickets. Robson will also soon be under pressure. I was delighted to see Moeen doing so well, but I am a little disappointed with his batting as he seems to have developed a weakness against short stuff, which I had not noticed before and with which he will surely now get bombarded.
I am enjoying the Commonwealth Games moderately, because I am mainly interested in the athletics and the Beeb keeps taking it off air to show some totally crap sport in which I have no interest whatsoever.
Can I can be bothered to argue with Brian Pacey? From memory, I described Chris Rushworth as "the burly Sunderland seamer". This is absolutely accurate: he is definitely burly, clearly a seamer and is actually from Sunderland, where did I go wrong? I certainly do not remember writing anything "very uncomplimentary" about his bowling (though I note that he took only two wickets in the match on a seamer's paradise of a track and in a match that only just made it into the third day) and can only conclude that Brian must be mixing me up with someone else. However, I just cannot agree about the 5 points for a draw as it is clearly encouraging teams to block out for the draw, when they might previously have gone for the win. It is just nonsense. Bonus points reward teams for playing positively, but draw points reward teams for playing negatively.
So Anderson has been cleared, which is good news I suppose, but I cannot help thinking that he is very lucky because he is well known to be a mouthy git who is always having a go at opponents and on this occasion, it also got physical apparently. Even so, both Plunkett and Stokes will think that they deserve a recall, but who would stand down? Jordan, I suppose? Later it emerged that Plunkett has withdrawn through injury and been replaced by Finn, leaving Stokes as the possible candidate for a recall.
BBC improved their coverage of the last day of athletics (Saturday) from Glasgow and I thoroughly enjoyed their (almost) uninterrupted coverage. There were two stand out performances to my eyes: Jo Pavey's bronze medal in the women's 5k, absolutely astonishing for one who is almost 41 years old; and the gold medal winning men's 4 x 400 quartet, who were led home by 19 year old Matt Hudson-Smith (of whom I had hardly heard) to steal the title from several more fancied teams. Excellent. England ended with 174 medals including 58 golds, their best ever.
Finny has signed a new three year contract with Middlesex, while Murts has been awarded a benefit next season, a relative rarity these days.
Rs have signed Cardiff midfielder Jordon Mutch on a four year contract for £5m.
A Rossington hit 75 for Northants in the Cup. Kent and Surrey produced another tie at the Oval, 314 each and there was another good game at Hove, where Sussex (288-7) beat Durham's 287-8.
JSCR says that Rs have signed a Chilean full back or midfielder who played in the World Cup... I must try to come up with his name!
India were truly dire at OT and were deservedly thrashed in two and a half days: they managed to bat for just 89.4 overs in the match: pathetic. Unkind people would say that Eng only had one Test class bowler on the pitch in the India second innings, yet the tourists could still only bat for 43 overs, with none of the top 7 making more than 27. How did Eng manage to lose to them at Lord's? Jordan and Woakes are useful cricketers, but I do not feel they are quite doing enough to hold on to their places at present. If Plunkett is fit, I would definitely bring him back, but it will be close for the last place. I think Robson has probably got one more Test to save his place. I thought Moeen would get plenty of runs and a few wickets, but he is actually getting plenty of wickets and a few runs: which is preferable? Having seen a bit more of Buttler now, I can see why you have reservations about his keeping... I think he is here to stay though. Now I hear that Plunkett is not fit for the Oval.
England Lions: Ravi P seems to have lost his place to Steve Parry, but Finny took 4-67 v SL. Now Finny has been replaced by TSRJ, who hit 29* at no 10 v NZ. I have not seen the table, but NZ seem to be well ahead by my reckoning.
I prefer the European Championships to the Commonwealth Games. The standard of many of the track events may not even be as high as in the CG, but the thing is that it is only athletics and the Beeb does not have to keep interrupting coverage for the latest from the taekwondo, windsurfing or tiddlywinks. The highlight of day one, of course, was the sensational gold in the 10k for 40 year old Jo Pavey, to add to her excellent bronze in the 5k (against a strong African contingent of accomplished distance runners) in Glasgow. Now she goes again in the 5k: surely she cannot pull off a hat-trick?
Yes, I have now got a name for our Chilean signing (on loan from Juventus). He is called Mauricio Isla, cost £12m 2 years ago and got a very good write up in today's G.
Wednesday night was a great one for GB in Zurich with 6 medals won: golds for Mo Farah (10k), James Dasaolu (100m) and Tiffany Porter (100m hurdles), a silver for Andy Vernon (10k) and bronzes for Harry Aikines-Aryeetey (100m) and Ashleigh Nelson (100m).
That was a humiliating defeat against Notts wasn't it? The actual figures (368-2 v 80 all out) make it look worse than it was, but it was still pretty grim and we have now definitely been eliminated. J Harris and H Podmore both took 0-87.
In Zurich, there was a silver for William Sharman in the 110m hurdles. GB have a settled sprint relay squad so there will be no place for 100m champ J Dasaolu in the relay!
This will be my worst ever August for cricket watching: I have seen one day so far and cannot get above 2, the previous all time low was 4. It is nothing to do with the weather either, it is all down to the ridiculous fixture list, which has so little Championship cricket in the holiday season. There is more cricket to watch in September, but you can be sure that the weather will have tailed off by then.
Rs made their usual losing start to the season, but should have had a point as Austin missed an 84th minute penalty. Despite the Indy saying that Rs would play a 4-2-3-1 formation, they actually played the expected 3-5-2 against Hull: Green; Caulker, Ferdinand, Dunne; Simpson, Faurlin, Mutch, Barton, Traore; Remy, Austin. It did not work, of course, but I suppose they will stick with it for a while. Joey B was top of the G's Premier League chances created list with 6. 'Arry wants to bring in more midfielders and another striker. No sign of Isla. Players who have left: E Granero, Y Benayoun, A Hughes, A Johnson, S Mbia, L Young.
It was nice to see Woakes and Jordan getting some wickets at last at the Oval, but the likes of Plunkett, Stokes and Finn will be worried that they will not get back into the team, when Test cricket resumes in the distant future. M Vijay's 18 was second top scorer in India’s pathetic effort.
In Zurich there were golds for Adam Gemili (200m) and Martyn Rooney (400m), a silver for Jodie Williams (200m) and a bronze for Laura Weightman (1500m).
Adam Rossington made his maiden Championship hundred (103) against Notts at Northampton and then made 80 in the second innings. Harris is back with Glamorgan and did tolerably well with the ball against Essex. Lancashire have someone called TE Bailey in the side.
In Zurich, there was gold for Eilidh Child (400m hurdles) and silver for Lynsey Sharp (800m). GB are having a very successful games and there should be plenty more medals on the last day (Sunday).
Surrey have signed Ben Foakes from Essex, who will be the fourth keeper/ batsman they have. Why do they need so many and why would he want to go there when the competition is even fiercer than it is at Essex? He says he wants to go to Surrey because he wants to keep wicket, which he cannot do at Essex, but this is probably just code for "Surrey are going to pay me more"!
As predicted, the last day of the Championships in Zurich was terrific for the Brits. Chris O'Hare took bronze in the 1500m and the women's 4 x 400 relay team (Child, Massey, Cox, Adeoye) took another bronze. The men's 4 x 400 squad (C Williams, Hudson-Smith, Bingham, Rooney) took the gold and Mo Farah and Andy Vernon took gold and bronze respectively in the 5k. Then the day finished gloriously with three golds coming in quick succession in the men's 4 x 100 (Ellington, Aikines-Aryeetey, Kilty, Gemili), the women's 4 x 100 (Philip, Nelson, J Williams, Henry) and Greg Rutherford in the long jump. This gave us 12 golds, 5 silvers and 6 bronzes, 23 medals in all, which placed us on top of the medals table, easily our best ever Euro Champs and many of these medal winners are still young and will be representing us for many years to come. I thoroughly enjoyed the week, but it is only right to point out that the standard of the track events in Europe is not the best at present, however there is still great satisfaction in trouncing the Germans, Russians, French, Italians, Spaniards, Poles, Czechs, Swedes, Dutch, Ukrainians et al. I think this was one of the most enjoyable sporting championships ever, partly because of the British success story and also because of some excellent coverage by the Beeb, who cut out nearly all the irrelevant bollocks and concentrated on the athletics.
Some might consider the England Test team to be equally worthy of high praise, but I am not getting too excited about them because of the appalling standard of the opposition. What has happened to them and how we lost to them at Lord's is baffling. Here they lost 20 wickets making 242 runs and their second innings lasted 29.2 overs on a wicket on which Eng had just made 486 at more than 4 an over.
Eng's women are better at RU than they are at cricket.
It seems harsh for R Bopara to be axed from the ODI squad after being named England's ODI Player of the Year last October: it sounds as if P Moores is to blame for his omission.
Rs are signing Dutchman Leroy Fer (midfield) from Norwich for £7m and Chilean forward Eduardo Vargas on a season's loan from Napoli, both played in the WC, while another WC player Julio Cesar is joining Benfica.
Middlesex had a good win at leaders Kent in the Cup and finished 7th in the group ahead of Sussex and Surrey and Somerset only sneaked ahead of us on run rate: almost respectable really. Middlesex brought in G Sandhu and J Denly for this one: was this on merit or were they putting them in the shop window to help them find new counties? Notts and Glamorgan both chased down over 300 to win: Warwicks made 302-7, but Nottinghamshire (306-9) won off the last possible ball; Glamorgan won with more ease: Sussex 323-3, Glamorgan 330-3 with time to spare. Next day, Essex (315-6) chased down Northants' 311 a/o with 3 balls to spare. Why are we getting all these excellent long run chases? Some suggestions: i) harsh fielding restrictions; ii) daft powerplays; iii) boundaries shortened to facilitate quick scoring and large totals; iv) T20 has taught batters how to slog successfully; v) modern pitches and covers are much better at providing true surfaces to allow fast scoring; and vi) today's bats are also designed to facilitate bigger hits. Any more?
The US Open starts on Monday and the men's singles looks wide open with R Nadal withdrawing through injury, N Djokovic hitting a rare dodgy patch, A Murray in ordinary form for a while now and slipping down to world no 9, leaving veteran R Federer (he’s 33) as the only one of the "Big Four" in decent knick. Andy has a very difficult draw and could meet Novak as early as the quarter finals and even though Djoko's form has suffered a wobble, it is hard to imagine Murray beating him.
The Middlesex v India game was one of those crap 13 or 14 men aside affairs and Middlesex fielded a weak team and were deservedly thrashed. No batter made more than 20 and Ollie's 4-32 was the only performance of note. I was glad that I was not tempted to attend.
England's women are better at one-dayers than Tests.
HR brought in Isla, Fer and Phillips for Simpson, Faurlin and Austin for the drubbing at Tottenham. They were 3 down after 37 mins and changed the back three into a back four at half-time, trying to keep the score down rather than trying to get back into the game? It could be a long, miserable season. Will they lose at Burton Albion, who are unbeaten this season, on Wed? I do have some great news however: L Remy is clear at the top of the G's "total touches in the opposition box this season" table with 18 and his nearest rival has 12... though these touches have not actually led to any goals, of course!
Day 2 at Flushing Meadows and A Murray is already the sole Brit still standing in either of the singles competitions and even he looked distinctly wobbly in extreme heat.
Wednesday was a bad day. England were truly dire in the Cardiff ODI, losing by 133 runs. Woakes took 4-52 and Hales hit 40, no one else did anything really, especially Jordan, who had a nightmare, 0-73 inc 12 wides and nought with the bat. Then it got worse as Rs lost 1-0 at Burton. HR made 9 changes: out went Green, Caulker, Ferdinand, Isla, Fer, Mutch, Barton, Traore and Remy and in came Murphy, Simpson, Onuoha, Hill, Henry, Faurlin, SWP, Hoilett and Taarabt.
Kent managed 66 against NZA (who won by 172) after being 33-0.
Hopefully, I will finally get to see some cricket when the Championship game against Warwick begins on Sunday, though Thames Water (digging up the road and causing massive traffic jams, preventing me getting the bus to Richmond) and South West Trains (changing their already awful Sunday service for "important engineering works") are doing their best to stop me. Eoin and Finny are on England duty, but Robbo is back. Middlesex have named a squad of 13 and it looks as if the final place lies between Harris, Podmore and Rayner. If the wicket looked like taking spin, I would go for Ollie, but the Lord's wicket rarely does, so it is probably a choice between the other two.
Three Ws matters
Whenever I see Jack Morgan or his cousin Jim Revier it is not long before one of us brings up the Paul Stirling anecdote about Gordon Greenidge. If Stirling is typical of professional cricketers it is hard to see how Mike Brearley tolerated their company for so many years. But perhaps Stirling’s IQ is a rarity in the cricketing fraternity. Or maybe not….
Rob Key is preparing for his retirement by doing regular stints in the backwaters of Sky coverage. Not for him the test matches and other international events. He gets to do the domestic day nighters at such glamorous venues as Hove and Chelmsford alongside the likes of Dominic Cork and Chris Adams where Nick Knight, Mark Butcher and Paul Allott are the senior pros.
There are about seven hours of commentary to fill in the new fifty over format which gives plenty of time for anecdotes and Key is not averse to spilling the beans on his colleagues. It transpires that he is big mates with fellow bachelor Ravi Bopara and when commitments permit they spend time together. The following snippets came from one on air session:
1. After going back to Key’s home and preparing for dinner.
Key: Do you fancy sushi?
Bopara: Which one is she?
2. Bopara had recently acquired a new Jag. After eating at Bopara’s pad in Chelmsford and lost for how to spend the rest of the evening, Bopara suggested: Let’s go cruising on the bypass and see if we can get on “The only way is Essex”.
3. Key lives in the country and when he took Bopara for a walk the following conversation ensued as they walked past a field of sheep:
Bopara: What are they?
Key: Sheep
Bopara: What are they for?
Key: Where do you think lamb comes from?
Bopara: Cattle?
Middlesex matters
The Great Jack Morgan reports on some cricket that he did manage to see in August
I saw my first fifty over match for several years as Harry Podmore replaced Toby Roland-Jones in the Middlesex team that took on Surrey at Lord's on July 31. Ireland's Gary Wilson won the toss and elected to bat first and an excellent second wicket stand of 119 between Sri Lanka's Tillekaratne Dilshan and England's Vikram Solanki put the visitors in a strong position. Solanki eventually fell for 59 off 80 balls with 7 fours and a 6 and Surrey then slipped to 177 for 5. Dilshan was still there, however and finding the perfect partner in Pakistan's Azhar Mahmood, the pair put on a rapid 81 before Dilshan fell for an admirable 115 off 128 balls with 11 fours. Azhar finally departed for an explosive 52 off 34 balls with 7 fours and a six and Surrey closed on 286-6, way beyond Middlesex's recent capabilities. Steve Finn took 2-47 in his 10 overs and Dawid Malan deserves credit for his 1 for 39 in 8 overs of controlled leg spin. Chris Rogers got Middlesex off to a good start with 45 off 44 balls with 7 fours, but while Malan, Nick Gubbins and Ryan Higgins all made promising starts, none could get beyond 20. It was not looking good for Middlesex at 126 for 4 with half of the overs gone and rather a long tail in the absence of TSRJ, but captain Eoin Morgan was already looking in good form and although Neil Dexter did not appear to be in top nick when he arrived at the crease, he at least played sensibly, did not give his wicket away and gave good support to his captain. Morgan proceeded to play a brilliant innings which took the game a distance away from Surrey and he finished on 128* from 86 balls with 13 fours and 5 sixes with many shots that stick in the memory. Dexter was definitely second fiddle, but he ended with a useful 47* off 58 balls with 3 fours and a six and also played a few exquisite drives that compared to some of Eoin's as the pair put on 166* for the fifth wicket in 20 overs. Most of the Surrey bowlers took some stick, but the outstanding performance was ex-England offspinner Gareth Batty's 10-0-38-0. Middlesex won by 6 wickets with more than five overs to spare and one hopes that this will signal a revival of their fortunes in limited overs cricket.
Middlesex brought in Paul Stirling, Ollie Rayner and Toby Roland-Jones for Nick Gubbins, Ravi Patel and Steve Finn, the last two having been called up to England squads, for the 50 over cup match against Somerset at Lord's on August 7th. Marcus Trescothick won the toss and, not surprisingly, invited Middlesex to bat first on a green seamer-friendly wicket and the home team made a very cautious start against the four Somerset pace bowlers. Chris Rogers and Dawid Malan survived the difficult conditions and gradually managed to increase the scoring rate: after 10 overs they were on 24, after 20 they were on 64 and then the hundred came up in the 26th over just before Rogers fell for 53 off 74 balls with 4 fours with the total on 108. Stirling (29 off 31 balls) helped Malan add 55 for the second wicket, but this was the start of a disastrous spell as Middlesex lost 5 wickets for 26, including Malan, run out by the length of the pitch for 82 from 116 balls with 8 fours. Ryan Higgins (27) and Rayner tried to retrieve the situation with a stand of 48 for the seventh wicket and Ollie went on to an impressive 37* off 32 balls with 4 fours and a six as Middlesex closed on 255-7, with Tim Groenewald taking 2-41.
With the wicket drying and easing, however, this total did not look to be quite enough. Roland-Jones got Middlesex off to a great start, however, sending Somerset's Test match openers, Trescothick and Nick Compton back to the pavilion with only 33 on the board. This brought together the ex-Middlesex and Kent all rounder Peter Trego and the South African ODI left hander Colin Ingram, who shared the decisive partnership of the match. The Middlesex attack was made to look very plain as the pair added 162 for the third wicket before Ingram finally departed for 68 off 83 balls with 4 fours and 3 sixes. Trego completed an impressive century before falling for 120 from 137 balls with 9 fours and 3 sixes, both of these wickets falling to Harry Podmore. James Hildreth, who had looked good at Uxbridge and young keeper Alex Barrow gave no hint of vulnerability, however and the visitors won by 6 wickets with 10 balls in hand, Barrow playing particularly fluently with 26* off 19 balls with 5 fours. TSRJ (2 for 30) and Podmore (2 for 46) did well for Middlesex, but the rest of the home attack looked distinctly mediocre. I would have to give my MotM award to Trego, who bowled economically and played the outstanding innings of the match. It is still possible for Middlesex to qualify for the knock out stages of the competition, but I do not think I will wager much on their chances.
Euphemisms in Modern Cricket
Euphemisms abound in the modern game. Here is the first in a new series of explanations for those who may have been lulled into a false sense of security by the commentators.
“Our offie has a delivery that goes the other way”- he chucks a doosra.
“He plays the lap shot”, or “He slog sweeps”- he slogs across the line to cow corner.
“The umpire has referred the catch upstairs” – he knows that it is not out but doesn’t want to risk looking a prat later on the TV replay.
“He’s playing the Dil Scoop” – He’s planning to cash in on his medical insurance.
“Anderson appears to be having a word with the batsman” – he is slagging him off with foul and abusive language.
“Prior is having a fine game behind the stumps” – he has only missed two catches and conceded 18 byes so far.
“Borthwick is a fine young leg spinner who has much promise” – he once picked up a wicket and goes for under ten an over in Championship cricket.
King Cricket matters
Ged writes:
It seemed like an excellent plan when the idea was hatched. In the absence of first class cricket between Middlesex and Essex for the foreseeable future, Charley “The Gent” Malloy and I would take in a day of second XI cricket between our two teams. As luck would have it, the day that suited me and Charley for this cricketing purpose also suited Daisy and Mrs Malloy for an evening meal at the Daisy House. Charley and Mrs Malloy had still not seen the house, although Daisy has now been in situ there for nearly three years. The Malloys were especially keen to see the garden.
The only problem with that superb plan was, of course, the English weather. As the appointed day approached, the forecast got worse and worse. Indeed, the night before the event, I wrote to Charley saying, “not even my relentless cricket-watching optimism imagines that we’ll get to see any cricket tomorrow. Let’s take stock in the morning just in case, but I’m going to spend the rest of this evening building an ark and guess that I’ll see you tomorrow evening at the house!”
It was pouring down when I woke up on the day and the forecast suggested that it would pretty much rain all day. I did a bit of work and sorted out some of those domestic things I never normally quite get around to sorting out unless/until they are emergencies. Naturally, just before I set off for the house in the early evening, the rain stopped and the sun even started to peep through.
At least the better evening weather enabled us to show Charley and Mrs Malloy the garden in the sunshine. In preparation for the day at Radlett, Charley had bought a cricketing gingerbread man, which we admired for its aesthetic but all decided not to eat.
Instead, we enjoyed Daisy’s superb Alaskan salmon baked in a banana leaf, with new potatoes, home-made tartare sauce and leaf salad. After dinner, I played my baritone ukulele. Charley and Mrs Malloy listened like aficionados at a music concert – a little unnerving given the novelty of my hobby and my general lack of dexterity. “You don’t move your fingers quite as much as, for example, Albert Lee did at the concert we went to the other week”, said Charley. “Shhh, Charley”, said Mrs Malloy, who then joined in when I sang I Guess It Doesn’t Matter Any More. Charley stifled his coughing a couple of times and I saw tears welling up in his eyes at the sound of Leonard Cohen’s Suzanne and Neil Young’s Out On The Weekend. Then Charley said: “I read a review of the latest Neil Young album the other day; it said that Young now sounds like an old man in a retirement home singing to himself before medication time.” I took that comparative comment as a great compliment.
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An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 141
September 2014
Out and About with the Professor
I’ve never understood how Edinburgh obtained its sobriquet: “the Athens of the North”. I have been to both cities a fair number of times and it seems very difficult to establish any clear comparisons between them. Edinburgh has a number of distinguished, historical buildings, whereas Athens, with one stunning world-famous exception, has very few. The Scottish capital is built around a valley with many resulting steep climbs and descents, while the topography of Athens is often described as a “soup bowl”. The difference in climate is fairly obvious, as is the difference in pollution levels, to anyone passing through. Indeed the much debated introduction of the Edinburgh tram system has further checked the growth in pollutants already held at bay by the howling gale that comes off the Firth of Forth and knocks old ladies off their feet in the Royal Mile.
In addition, Edinburgh has a Festival…and what a festival it is. There is Culture with a capital “C” and lots of rather lower case comedy. One of the later shows this season featured a “set” (as I believe they are called) about sports punditry. Alan Hansen and the appalling Henry Blofeld were the most easily imitated (and derided) but there was a fair spread, and the content often featured the abuse handed out by former players to their erstwhile colleagues. About two days’ later, I heard Alistair Cook’s reaction to Graeme Swann’s remarks, describing him as a “so-called friend”.
So, why do they do it? Why do retired players make personal and unkind remarks about former team-mates? If the answer is: “for money”, then the opprobrium remains. They don’t of course defend themselves like that. They are now “pundits” and paid to give their opinions. Swann said that he “tells it as he sees it”. But that is the problem, it’s not what he sees that is at issue it is how he tells it. And he’s not alone. Vaughan is another recent retiree who likes to tell what he sees. (I think we can absolve Strauss, since he is more circumspect…at least when he thinks he’s on air).
But being critical (as distinct from giving offence) is considerable skill. These former players think that because they can speak, they can write. But they can’t. Telling what you see is not critical analysis. Moreover, can none of them recall how they reacted to similar “attacks”? One abiding memory of a test match at Lord’s was in 2004 when, towards the end of his captaincy, and under considerable media “pressure”, Hussain scored a hundred, dropped to one knee and showed his clenched fist to the media centre, or more specifically to the men who, he said: “had made his life a misery”.
Hussain, as we know, was a man who wore his heart on his sleeve, so we know that the criticism hurt. So why does he do it now? Is it for the same reason as the Edinburgh Festival comic – money (and rather more than he was getting) or is it that he and Swann and Vaughan lack the skill to say what they see with sensitivity. Or do they just not care, and if not, why not?
Chesterfield Matters
I last went for a day’s cricket with Peter Butler to the Centenary Test and so when, in his Christmas card, he suggested it was time we had another I promptly agreed that it was a good idea. However, I knew that I had to be careful since Peter is an Essex man and a trip to Chelmsford would involve me in a lot of driving. So I suggested that we might meet somewhere in the middle such as Grace Road, Edgbaston or Trent Bridge thinking that the meeting was more important than the match involving either of our teams, Middlesex or Essex. Of course I was wrong and his reply suggested various venues that Essex would be attending ranging from Scarborough to Swansea. But he included in that list Chesterfield which is just a gentle hour’s drive for me and so I quickly took him up on this and we made our arrangements.
Peter decided to travel up by train and on the morning of the game I got a call from him saying that the officials at St Pancras would not let him onto his planned train because he had the wrong ticket but that he would be able to ride on the next one. I haven’t so far mentioned that Peter is on the Committee at Chelmsford and by the time I picked him up he had found another of his Committee colleagues. This necessitated some panic seat clearance in my car which rarely has one passenger let alone two. Peter had informed his Derbyshire counterparts that he would constitute the formal Essex contingency and so when we arrived at the ground we received the red carpet treatment as the car was ushered into a prime parking spot and we were soon shaking hands with all of the Derbyshire chaps in their own special enclosure in front of a catering marquee.
Coffee and scorecards were supplied and as we took our seats we were able to establish that Nick Browne had completed his century having been not out in the nineties overnight and Greg Smith (formerly of Derbyshire) had been dismissed. The bowling was tight with Palladino (formerly of Essex) and Taylor impressing. Essex ground their way to 277 all out and a lead of 2 with Browne carrying his bat. Significantly Phillips top scored amongst the last four batsmen with just 4 runs. In the Derbyshire first innings only Palladino of the last six batsmen with 12 had made it into double figures.
My last visit to Chesterfield was a couple of years ago with the Professor and in typical Derbyshire conditions there had been a cloudburst at lunchtime although play had resumed in the afternoon. On this occasion the sun shone and we were able to sit in shirtsleeves as Derbyshire began their second innings. Graham Napier seemed to fancy it and had Borrington out LBW in his first over. My suspicions about the wicket looked like being confirmed but Slater and Madsen made steady progress. I was intrigued to see Jesse Ryder bowling. It’s hardly correct to say that he has slimmed down but he put in a couple of tight spells at something over military medium. Madsen, the Derbyshire captain had made 90 in the first innings and he looked in good touch making another half century when Slater ran him out. Slater had also reached fifty but was soon caught behind and he was quickly followed back to the pavilion by Hughes and Cross. This spelled serious problems for Derbyshire as Durston had been hit on the head whilst batting in the first innings and it was by no means certain that he would bat at all in the second.
Wainwright joined Chanderpaul at the crease. It is a privilege to see great players at work. I saw Chanderpaul make a magnificent 150 plus at Headingley a couple of years ago and again on this occasion he played effortlessly and accumulated at a deceptively fast rate. I had told anyone who was listening that Derbyshire were in dire trouble since Wainwright couldn’t bat, but what do I know? He wasn’t troubled by the Essex attack and was 28 not out by the time we left. Chanderpaul was 61 not out.
The Chesterfield ground looked splendid in the sun. I understand the difficulties that the counties have in continuing with the festival weeks but it would be a great pity to lose more of these venues. By all accounts the Cheltenham week was a triumph this year. The Chesterfield wicket seemed more durable than the one I was to witness at Horsham.
I should record that it was a joy to watch James Foster in action. He and Chris Read are the senior proper wicket keepers in the English game. I can confidently state that Jos Buttler will never be a proper keeper. He kept poorly at the Oval and even finds Ali difficult to take. He was spoiled in that the Indian innings were so short and he consequently didn’t have long sessions in the field. At test level the mediocre keepers get found out in the third, fourth and fifth sessions. As they tire they depend more and more on technique. Buttler like Prior before him lacks basic technique.
I got Peter back to the station in good time for his train and we had had a splendid day in the sun, so much so that when I got home I discovered that I had got burned on the head. The following day Chanderpaul set Essex a stiff target and they looked set to win as they shot out most of the top order but Browne completed his second hundred of the match and ten Doeschate also got one as Essex secured a draw.
Morgan’s Month
The Great Jack Morgan tells about his record month
I see that Tredders is already back at Kent and played against Durham yesterday. He took 0-55, but played a major role in steering the home team to a narrow last over victory. Chasing 271-7, he came in at 203-7 and his 38* was crucial to their 2 wicket win. Even tighter was the Notts/ Somerset game at TB, which ended in a 261-8 tie! There was nothing tight about Warwick's revenge over Sussex at Edgbaston as the Bears won by 118; the visitors may have been missing Tredders as their three spinners went for 1-121 in 22 overs and this thrashing enabled Sussex to replace Middlesex at the bottom of the group B table. There was another excellent game at Taunton on Thursday as Kent made 383-7 with two Sams, capt Northeast (132) sharing a sixth wicket stand of 157 with keeper Billings (135*) and Somerset nearly got them as Tim Groenewald (52*, is he on loan?) and Alfonso Thomas (49*) added 103* for the ninth wicket.
It was great for England to finally get a Test win (after very nearly a year) at the Rose Bowl, but I did not feel that India played well in this one. Nearly all the Eng players did quite well, but there could still be changes because i) Anderson might be suspended; ii) Jordan had a quiet game apart from a couple of catches; and iii) although Woakes got plenty of praise, he did not actually get any wickets. Robson will also soon be under pressure. I was delighted to see Moeen doing so well, but I am a little disappointed with his batting as he seems to have developed a weakness against short stuff, which I had not noticed before and with which he will surely now get bombarded.
I am enjoying the Commonwealth Games moderately, because I am mainly interested in the athletics and the Beeb keeps taking it off air to show some totally crap sport in which I have no interest whatsoever.
Can I can be bothered to argue with Brian Pacey? From memory, I described Chris Rushworth as "the burly Sunderland seamer". This is absolutely accurate: he is definitely burly, clearly a seamer and is actually from Sunderland, where did I go wrong? I certainly do not remember writing anything "very uncomplimentary" about his bowling (though I note that he took only two wickets in the match on a seamer's paradise of a track and in a match that only just made it into the third day) and can only conclude that Brian must be mixing me up with someone else. However, I just cannot agree about the 5 points for a draw as it is clearly encouraging teams to block out for the draw, when they might previously have gone for the win. It is just nonsense. Bonus points reward teams for playing positively, but draw points reward teams for playing negatively.
So Anderson has been cleared, which is good news I suppose, but I cannot help thinking that he is very lucky because he is well known to be a mouthy git who is always having a go at opponents and on this occasion, it also got physical apparently. Even so, both Plunkett and Stokes will think that they deserve a recall, but who would stand down? Jordan, I suppose? Later it emerged that Plunkett has withdrawn through injury and been replaced by Finn, leaving Stokes as the possible candidate for a recall.
BBC improved their coverage of the last day of athletics (Saturday) from Glasgow and I thoroughly enjoyed their (almost) uninterrupted coverage. There were two stand out performances to my eyes: Jo Pavey's bronze medal in the women's 5k, absolutely astonishing for one who is almost 41 years old; and the gold medal winning men's 4 x 400 quartet, who were led home by 19 year old Matt Hudson-Smith (of whom I had hardly heard) to steal the title from several more fancied teams. Excellent. England ended with 174 medals including 58 golds, their best ever.
Finny has signed a new three year contract with Middlesex, while Murts has been awarded a benefit next season, a relative rarity these days.
Rs have signed Cardiff midfielder Jordon Mutch on a four year contract for £5m.
A Rossington hit 75 for Northants in the Cup. Kent and Surrey produced another tie at the Oval, 314 each and there was another good game at Hove, where Sussex (288-7) beat Durham's 287-8.
JSCR says that Rs have signed a Chilean full back or midfielder who played in the World Cup... I must try to come up with his name!
India were truly dire at OT and were deservedly thrashed in two and a half days: they managed to bat for just 89.4 overs in the match: pathetic. Unkind people would say that Eng only had one Test class bowler on the pitch in the India second innings, yet the tourists could still only bat for 43 overs, with none of the top 7 making more than 27. How did Eng manage to lose to them at Lord's? Jordan and Woakes are useful cricketers, but I do not feel they are quite doing enough to hold on to their places at present. If Plunkett is fit, I would definitely bring him back, but it will be close for the last place. I think Robson has probably got one more Test to save his place. I thought Moeen would get plenty of runs and a few wickets, but he is actually getting plenty of wickets and a few runs: which is preferable? Having seen a bit more of Buttler now, I can see why you have reservations about his keeping... I think he is here to stay though. Now I hear that Plunkett is not fit for the Oval.
England Lions: Ravi P seems to have lost his place to Steve Parry, but Finny took 4-67 v SL. Now Finny has been replaced by TSRJ, who hit 29* at no 10 v NZ. I have not seen the table, but NZ seem to be well ahead by my reckoning.
I prefer the European Championships to the Commonwealth Games. The standard of many of the track events may not even be as high as in the CG, but the thing is that it is only athletics and the Beeb does not have to keep interrupting coverage for the latest from the taekwondo, windsurfing or tiddlywinks. The highlight of day one, of course, was the sensational gold in the 10k for 40 year old Jo Pavey, to add to her excellent bronze in the 5k (against a strong African contingent of accomplished distance runners) in Glasgow. Now she goes again in the 5k: surely she cannot pull off a hat-trick?
Yes, I have now got a name for our Chilean signing (on loan from Juventus). He is called Mauricio Isla, cost £12m 2 years ago and got a very good write up in today's G.
Wednesday night was a great one for GB in Zurich with 6 medals won: golds for Mo Farah (10k), James Dasaolu (100m) and Tiffany Porter (100m hurdles), a silver for Andy Vernon (10k) and bronzes for Harry Aikines-Aryeetey (100m) and Ashleigh Nelson (100m).
That was a humiliating defeat against Notts wasn't it? The actual figures (368-2 v 80 all out) make it look worse than it was, but it was still pretty grim and we have now definitely been eliminated. J Harris and H Podmore both took 0-87.
In Zurich, there was a silver for William Sharman in the 110m hurdles. GB have a settled sprint relay squad so there will be no place for 100m champ J Dasaolu in the relay!
This will be my worst ever August for cricket watching: I have seen one day so far and cannot get above 2, the previous all time low was 4. It is nothing to do with the weather either, it is all down to the ridiculous fixture list, which has so little Championship cricket in the holiday season. There is more cricket to watch in September, but you can be sure that the weather will have tailed off by then.
Rs made their usual losing start to the season, but should have had a point as Austin missed an 84th minute penalty. Despite the Indy saying that Rs would play a 4-2-3-1 formation, they actually played the expected 3-5-2 against Hull: Green; Caulker, Ferdinand, Dunne; Simpson, Faurlin, Mutch, Barton, Traore; Remy, Austin. It did not work, of course, but I suppose they will stick with it for a while. Joey B was top of the G's Premier League chances created list with 6. 'Arry wants to bring in more midfielders and another striker. No sign of Isla. Players who have left: E Granero, Y Benayoun, A Hughes, A Johnson, S Mbia, L Young.
It was nice to see Woakes and Jordan getting some wickets at last at the Oval, but the likes of Plunkett, Stokes and Finn will be worried that they will not get back into the team, when Test cricket resumes in the distant future. M Vijay's 18 was second top scorer in India’s pathetic effort.
In Zurich there were golds for Adam Gemili (200m) and Martyn Rooney (400m), a silver for Jodie Williams (200m) and a bronze for Laura Weightman (1500m).
Adam Rossington made his maiden Championship hundred (103) against Notts at Northampton and then made 80 in the second innings. Harris is back with Glamorgan and did tolerably well with the ball against Essex. Lancashire have someone called TE Bailey in the side.
In Zurich, there was gold for Eilidh Child (400m hurdles) and silver for Lynsey Sharp (800m). GB are having a very successful games and there should be plenty more medals on the last day (Sunday).
Surrey have signed Ben Foakes from Essex, who will be the fourth keeper/ batsman they have. Why do they need so many and why would he want to go there when the competition is even fiercer than it is at Essex? He says he wants to go to Surrey because he wants to keep wicket, which he cannot do at Essex, but this is probably just code for "Surrey are going to pay me more"!
As predicted, the last day of the Championships in Zurich was terrific for the Brits. Chris O'Hare took bronze in the 1500m and the women's 4 x 400 relay team (Child, Massey, Cox, Adeoye) took another bronze. The men's 4 x 400 squad (C Williams, Hudson-Smith, Bingham, Rooney) took the gold and Mo Farah and Andy Vernon took gold and bronze respectively in the 5k. Then the day finished gloriously with three golds coming in quick succession in the men's 4 x 100 (Ellington, Aikines-Aryeetey, Kilty, Gemili), the women's 4 x 100 (Philip, Nelson, J Williams, Henry) and Greg Rutherford in the long jump. This gave us 12 golds, 5 silvers and 6 bronzes, 23 medals in all, which placed us on top of the medals table, easily our best ever Euro Champs and many of these medal winners are still young and will be representing us for many years to come. I thoroughly enjoyed the week, but it is only right to point out that the standard of the track events in Europe is not the best at present, however there is still great satisfaction in trouncing the Germans, Russians, French, Italians, Spaniards, Poles, Czechs, Swedes, Dutch, Ukrainians et al. I think this was one of the most enjoyable sporting championships ever, partly because of the British success story and also because of some excellent coverage by the Beeb, who cut out nearly all the irrelevant bollocks and concentrated on the athletics.
Some might consider the England Test team to be equally worthy of high praise, but I am not getting too excited about them because of the appalling standard of the opposition. What has happened to them and how we lost to them at Lord's is baffling. Here they lost 20 wickets making 242 runs and their second innings lasted 29.2 overs on a wicket on which Eng had just made 486 at more than 4 an over.
Eng's women are better at RU than they are at cricket.
It seems harsh for R Bopara to be axed from the ODI squad after being named England's ODI Player of the Year last October: it sounds as if P Moores is to blame for his omission.
Rs are signing Dutchman Leroy Fer (midfield) from Norwich for £7m and Chilean forward Eduardo Vargas on a season's loan from Napoli, both played in the WC, while another WC player Julio Cesar is joining Benfica.
Middlesex had a good win at leaders Kent in the Cup and finished 7th in the group ahead of Sussex and Surrey and Somerset only sneaked ahead of us on run rate: almost respectable really. Middlesex brought in G Sandhu and J Denly for this one: was this on merit or were they putting them in the shop window to help them find new counties? Notts and Glamorgan both chased down over 300 to win: Warwicks made 302-7, but Nottinghamshire (306-9) won off the last possible ball; Glamorgan won with more ease: Sussex 323-3, Glamorgan 330-3 with time to spare. Next day, Essex (315-6) chased down Northants' 311 a/o with 3 balls to spare. Why are we getting all these excellent long run chases? Some suggestions: i) harsh fielding restrictions; ii) daft powerplays; iii) boundaries shortened to facilitate quick scoring and large totals; iv) T20 has taught batters how to slog successfully; v) modern pitches and covers are much better at providing true surfaces to allow fast scoring; and vi) today's bats are also designed to facilitate bigger hits. Any more?
The US Open starts on Monday and the men's singles looks wide open with R Nadal withdrawing through injury, N Djokovic hitting a rare dodgy patch, A Murray in ordinary form for a while now and slipping down to world no 9, leaving veteran R Federer (he’s 33) as the only one of the "Big Four" in decent knick. Andy has a very difficult draw and could meet Novak as early as the quarter finals and even though Djoko's form has suffered a wobble, it is hard to imagine Murray beating him.
The Middlesex v India game was one of those crap 13 or 14 men aside affairs and Middlesex fielded a weak team and were deservedly thrashed. No batter made more than 20 and Ollie's 4-32 was the only performance of note. I was glad that I was not tempted to attend.
England's women are better at one-dayers than Tests.
HR brought in Isla, Fer and Phillips for Simpson, Faurlin and Austin for the drubbing at Tottenham. They were 3 down after 37 mins and changed the back three into a back four at half-time, trying to keep the score down rather than trying to get back into the game? It could be a long, miserable season. Will they lose at Burton Albion, who are unbeaten this season, on Wed? I do have some great news however: L Remy is clear at the top of the G's "total touches in the opposition box this season" table with 18 and his nearest rival has 12... though these touches have not actually led to any goals, of course!
Day 2 at Flushing Meadows and A Murray is already the sole Brit still standing in either of the singles competitions and even he looked distinctly wobbly in extreme heat.
Wednesday was a bad day. England were truly dire in the Cardiff ODI, losing by 133 runs. Woakes took 4-52 and Hales hit 40, no one else did anything really, especially Jordan, who had a nightmare, 0-73 inc 12 wides and nought with the bat. Then it got worse as Rs lost 1-0 at Burton. HR made 9 changes: out went Green, Caulker, Ferdinand, Isla, Fer, Mutch, Barton, Traore and Remy and in came Murphy, Simpson, Onuoha, Hill, Henry, Faurlin, SWP, Hoilett and Taarabt.
Kent managed 66 against NZA (who won by 172) after being 33-0.
Hopefully, I will finally get to see some cricket when the Championship game against Warwick begins on Sunday, though Thames Water (digging up the road and causing massive traffic jams, preventing me getting the bus to Richmond) and South West Trains (changing their already awful Sunday service for "important engineering works") are doing their best to stop me. Eoin and Finny are on England duty, but Robbo is back. Middlesex have named a squad of 13 and it looks as if the final place lies between Harris, Podmore and Rayner. If the wicket looked like taking spin, I would go for Ollie, but the Lord's wicket rarely does, so it is probably a choice between the other two.
Three Ws matters
Whenever I see Jack Morgan or his cousin Jim Revier it is not long before one of us brings up the Paul Stirling anecdote about Gordon Greenidge. If Stirling is typical of professional cricketers it is hard to see how Mike Brearley tolerated their company for so many years. But perhaps Stirling’s IQ is a rarity in the cricketing fraternity. Or maybe not….
Rob Key is preparing for his retirement by doing regular stints in the backwaters of Sky coverage. Not for him the test matches and other international events. He gets to do the domestic day nighters at such glamorous venues as Hove and Chelmsford alongside the likes of Dominic Cork and Chris Adams where Nick Knight, Mark Butcher and Paul Allott are the senior pros.
There are about seven hours of commentary to fill in the new fifty over format which gives plenty of time for anecdotes and Key is not averse to spilling the beans on his colleagues. It transpires that he is big mates with fellow bachelor Ravi Bopara and when commitments permit they spend time together. The following snippets came from one on air session:
1. After going back to Key’s home and preparing for dinner.
Key: Do you fancy sushi?
Bopara: Which one is she?
2. Bopara had recently acquired a new Jag. After eating at Bopara’s pad in Chelmsford and lost for how to spend the rest of the evening, Bopara suggested: Let’s go cruising on the bypass and see if we can get on “The only way is Essex”.
3. Key lives in the country and when he took Bopara for a walk the following conversation ensued as they walked past a field of sheep:
Bopara: What are they?
Key: Sheep
Bopara: What are they for?
Key: Where do you think lamb comes from?
Bopara: Cattle?
Middlesex matters
The Great Jack Morgan reports on some cricket that he did manage to see in August
I saw my first fifty over match for several years as Harry Podmore replaced Toby Roland-Jones in the Middlesex team that took on Surrey at Lord's on July 31. Ireland's Gary Wilson won the toss and elected to bat first and an excellent second wicket stand of 119 between Sri Lanka's Tillekaratne Dilshan and England's Vikram Solanki put the visitors in a strong position. Solanki eventually fell for 59 off 80 balls with 7 fours and a 6 and Surrey then slipped to 177 for 5. Dilshan was still there, however and finding the perfect partner in Pakistan's Azhar Mahmood, the pair put on a rapid 81 before Dilshan fell for an admirable 115 off 128 balls with 11 fours. Azhar finally departed for an explosive 52 off 34 balls with 7 fours and a six and Surrey closed on 286-6, way beyond Middlesex's recent capabilities. Steve Finn took 2-47 in his 10 overs and Dawid Malan deserves credit for his 1 for 39 in 8 overs of controlled leg spin. Chris Rogers got Middlesex off to a good start with 45 off 44 balls with 7 fours, but while Malan, Nick Gubbins and Ryan Higgins all made promising starts, none could get beyond 20. It was not looking good for Middlesex at 126 for 4 with half of the overs gone and rather a long tail in the absence of TSRJ, but captain Eoin Morgan was already looking in good form and although Neil Dexter did not appear to be in top nick when he arrived at the crease, he at least played sensibly, did not give his wicket away and gave good support to his captain. Morgan proceeded to play a brilliant innings which took the game a distance away from Surrey and he finished on 128* from 86 balls with 13 fours and 5 sixes with many shots that stick in the memory. Dexter was definitely second fiddle, but he ended with a useful 47* off 58 balls with 3 fours and a six and also played a few exquisite drives that compared to some of Eoin's as the pair put on 166* for the fifth wicket in 20 overs. Most of the Surrey bowlers took some stick, but the outstanding performance was ex-England offspinner Gareth Batty's 10-0-38-0. Middlesex won by 6 wickets with more than five overs to spare and one hopes that this will signal a revival of their fortunes in limited overs cricket.
Middlesex brought in Paul Stirling, Ollie Rayner and Toby Roland-Jones for Nick Gubbins, Ravi Patel and Steve Finn, the last two having been called up to England squads, for the 50 over cup match against Somerset at Lord's on August 7th. Marcus Trescothick won the toss and, not surprisingly, invited Middlesex to bat first on a green seamer-friendly wicket and the home team made a very cautious start against the four Somerset pace bowlers. Chris Rogers and Dawid Malan survived the difficult conditions and gradually managed to increase the scoring rate: after 10 overs they were on 24, after 20 they were on 64 and then the hundred came up in the 26th over just before Rogers fell for 53 off 74 balls with 4 fours with the total on 108. Stirling (29 off 31 balls) helped Malan add 55 for the second wicket, but this was the start of a disastrous spell as Middlesex lost 5 wickets for 26, including Malan, run out by the length of the pitch for 82 from 116 balls with 8 fours. Ryan Higgins (27) and Rayner tried to retrieve the situation with a stand of 48 for the seventh wicket and Ollie went on to an impressive 37* off 32 balls with 4 fours and a six as Middlesex closed on 255-7, with Tim Groenewald taking 2-41.
With the wicket drying and easing, however, this total did not look to be quite enough. Roland-Jones got Middlesex off to a great start, however, sending Somerset's Test match openers, Trescothick and Nick Compton back to the pavilion with only 33 on the board. This brought together the ex-Middlesex and Kent all rounder Peter Trego and the South African ODI left hander Colin Ingram, who shared the decisive partnership of the match. The Middlesex attack was made to look very plain as the pair added 162 for the third wicket before Ingram finally departed for 68 off 83 balls with 4 fours and 3 sixes. Trego completed an impressive century before falling for 120 from 137 balls with 9 fours and 3 sixes, both of these wickets falling to Harry Podmore. James Hildreth, who had looked good at Uxbridge and young keeper Alex Barrow gave no hint of vulnerability, however and the visitors won by 6 wickets with 10 balls in hand, Barrow playing particularly fluently with 26* off 19 balls with 5 fours. TSRJ (2 for 30) and Podmore (2 for 46) did well for Middlesex, but the rest of the home attack looked distinctly mediocre. I would have to give my MotM award to Trego, who bowled economically and played the outstanding innings of the match. It is still possible for Middlesex to qualify for the knock out stages of the competition, but I do not think I will wager much on their chances.
Euphemisms in Modern Cricket
Euphemisms abound in the modern game. Here is the first in a new series of explanations for those who may have been lulled into a false sense of security by the commentators.
“Our offie has a delivery that goes the other way”- he chucks a doosra.
“He plays the lap shot”, or “He slog sweeps”- he slogs across the line to cow corner.
“The umpire has referred the catch upstairs” – he knows that it is not out but doesn’t want to risk looking a prat later on the TV replay.
“He’s playing the Dil Scoop” – He’s planning to cash in on his medical insurance.
“Anderson appears to be having a word with the batsman” – he is slagging him off with foul and abusive language.
“Prior is having a fine game behind the stumps” – he has only missed two catches and conceded 18 byes so far.
“Borthwick is a fine young leg spinner who has much promise” – he once picked up a wicket and goes for under ten an over in Championship cricket.
King Cricket matters
Ged writes:
It seemed like an excellent plan when the idea was hatched. In the absence of first class cricket between Middlesex and Essex for the foreseeable future, Charley “The Gent” Malloy and I would take in a day of second XI cricket between our two teams. As luck would have it, the day that suited me and Charley for this cricketing purpose also suited Daisy and Mrs Malloy for an evening meal at the Daisy House. Charley and Mrs Malloy had still not seen the house, although Daisy has now been in situ there for nearly three years. The Malloys were especially keen to see the garden.
The only problem with that superb plan was, of course, the English weather. As the appointed day approached, the forecast got worse and worse. Indeed, the night before the event, I wrote to Charley saying, “not even my relentless cricket-watching optimism imagines that we’ll get to see any cricket tomorrow. Let’s take stock in the morning just in case, but I’m going to spend the rest of this evening building an ark and guess that I’ll see you tomorrow evening at the house!”
It was pouring down when I woke up on the day and the forecast suggested that it would pretty much rain all day. I did a bit of work and sorted out some of those domestic things I never normally quite get around to sorting out unless/until they are emergencies. Naturally, just before I set off for the house in the early evening, the rain stopped and the sun even started to peep through.
At least the better evening weather enabled us to show Charley and Mrs Malloy the garden in the sunshine. In preparation for the day at Radlett, Charley had bought a cricketing gingerbread man, which we admired for its aesthetic but all decided not to eat.
Instead, we enjoyed Daisy’s superb Alaskan salmon baked in a banana leaf, with new potatoes, home-made tartare sauce and leaf salad. After dinner, I played my baritone ukulele. Charley and Mrs Malloy listened like aficionados at a music concert – a little unnerving given the novelty of my hobby and my general lack of dexterity. “You don’t move your fingers quite as much as, for example, Albert Lee did at the concert we went to the other week”, said Charley. “Shhh, Charley”, said Mrs Malloy, who then joined in when I sang I Guess It Doesn’t Matter Any More. Charley stifled his coughing a couple of times and I saw tears welling up in his eyes at the sound of Leonard Cohen’s Suzanne and Neil Young’s Out On The Weekend. Then Charley said: “I read a review of the latest Neil Young album the other day; it said that Young now sounds like an old man in a retirement home singing to himself before medication time.” I took that comparative comment as a great compliment.
Googlies and Chinamen
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