GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 57
September 2007
Caption Competition
What is it about Scarborough? The local “Tourist Information Office” says that they receive 250,000 visitors a year who come for the “attractions”. This is the third year running that I have been there and I have yet to see anything, except a small park that could be called attractive. Unless, that is, you are a fan of “traditional Yorkshire pizza and chips” which is on sale at a number of the shops next to the cricket ground.
This is all the more disappointing when I recall my childhood image of the place. As a boy I always thought the “Scarborough Festival” sounded unreachably exotic…fancy playing cricket at the “Scarborough Festival”. This image was confirmed by a Trevor Bailey story he told on the radio about a festival game when Len Hutton was batting and taking it far too seriously. Not out at lunch time, Hutton declined the food (and presumably drink) and stayed in the dressing room planning his inevitable century. Bailey (Dulwich College and Cambridge) thought this was pretty bad form and decided on a jolly jape. To bowl the first over after lunch he scouted round the kitchens and found a very over-ripe orange. Bailey’s account was to the effect that the first ball after lunch was one of the most accurate he ever bowled since it had to be a shin high off stump full toss. Hutton, all dedication and intent, belted it though extra cover only for the thing to explode all over his whites. I don’t think Bailey recorded Hutton’s reaction but I doubt he found it as funny as the public school chappies. What a place…Scarborough, where such things happen! Who would not want to go there? Well, last Wednesday I did.
It was a crunch match for Yorkshire needing to restore their title challenge at the expense of Warwickshire. Two thousand hardy souls entered the North Marine Ground (capacity 15,000 according to the Wisden Book of Cricket Grounds) and hardy they had to be. It was freezing. The north wind blew all day and took no prisoners. I counted about 15 people on the Western Terrace which had no cover of any sort…how they survived I do not know. Perhaps they didn’t. Warwickshire certainly didn’t. Having inexplicably decided to bat they watched the Yorkshire side take the field in woolly bobble hats and bowl them out before tea. The Yorkshire side included the England captain and that local-boy-made-good Inzamam-ul-Haq, but I was particularly interested to see how well Ajmal Shahzad performed having watched him in a club game the week before. One of the pleasures of watching club cricket in Yorkshire is to see some of the players on the fringe of the Yorkshire side. In the last few weeks I have seen: Lawson, Wood, Lyth, Thornicroft and Shahzad – all of whom take the field with their names and numbers on their backs.
Invariably they seem more impressive playing for the county (although that may just be an impression). Shahzad is sharp rather than lightening quick but he made Warwickshire jump about rather more than he had the Harrogate players. That may, of course, also be something to do with the respective wickets. Lawson also looked a better leggy when I saw him play for the county than in a club match. There are those, who I take to be good judges of leg spin, who think Lawson is a better bowler than Rashid. I can’t see that myself although Rashid does seem to take some time to settle onto a length and that time might not be permitted if he makes the Sri Lanka trip. He is however a talented fielder and excellent bat.
Bad light ended the game prematurely to general relief of the few remaining spectators who scuttled back to their hotels and B&Bs for a warm up and we only saw a couple of overs from Warwickshire’s new South African, Alfonso Thomas, who is of the slightly-built whippy variety of quickish bowlers. Even in a couple of overs he got the ball past the England captain’s bat more than once.
Given the temperature, I watched a fair part of the match from the bar upstairs in the pavilion. Scarborough were national club champions in 1972 and the pictures of the match showed the first wicket to fall – the opening bat of Brentham being bowled all over the place. It was, of course, Roger Kingdon.
Professional Cricket Matters
After Glamorgan had been thrashed by Yorkshire in a Pro40 match in Cardiff their captain, David Hemp, found himself in the unenviable position of being interviewed by Paul Allott. Allott seemed intent on getting to the bottom of Glamorgan’s appalling form this season. After exploring bad luck with the weather and the inevitable injuries he asked Hemp what he was going to do about the remainder of the season. Hemp responded “We had better pray harder”.
Before his return to international cricket at the Rose Bowl Freddie was interviewed for Radio Five Live. He explained how hard life for him had been out of the game and in particular that he had had very long days having to get up to meet his physio at 7.30 am and not getting back home until 3.30pm.
Essex made a real hash of chasing against Worcestershire in a Pro40 match but that did have the benefit of giving Tom Westley, aged eighteen, some time at the crease. He batted pleasantly and sensibly until he decided to take a quick single to Graham Hick at short extra cover. Hick, aged 42, was playing county cricket before Westley was born. He calmly fielded the ball and threw down the stumps at the bowler’s end with Westley well short of his ground.
Freddie gets plenty of time off injured and one wonders what he does with this time, particularly as he is paid a huge amount of money by the ECB during these dormant periods. He certainly doesn’t seem to watch videos of his innings or analyse why he hasn’t scored any serious runs for months. A simple examination of these would show that he assumes that he will always clear any fielder when he goes for a big hit and therefore that he never bothers to try to place the ball either side of the fielder in the deep. So when he batted at Bristol after just a few deliveries he played his all too customary heave-ho slog and watched the ball go straight down the throat of deep mid wicket.
Sajid Mohammed also gets much time off and similar questions could be raised as to his use of idle time. In the Worcestershire/ Lancashire Pro40 match at Taunton (yes, Taunton) Saj went for 31 off his first three overs. Abdul Razzaq in Afridi mode accelerated Worcestershire towards the substantial Lancashire total and Saj was then recalled to try to save the match for Lancashire. It could be argued that he was fortunate to be bowling to Hick with Razzaq in ultra destructive mode. However, he showed once again what a moron he is by bowling new rinse which Hick hit for sixteen off his first three deliveries. The England quick conceded 47 from 21 deliveries in total.
This brings us on to Chad Keegan, the ultimate convalescent, who appeared to be oblivious to both trends in modern batting and bowling when he bowled at the Riverside against Phil Mustard. Mustard took five consecutive boundaries from him as he persisted in offering the ball up into the slot.
I am an advocate of England players using county cricket both championship and one-day to find rhythm and form. However, I am not at all sure that they should become automatic selections for finals when other players have contributed substantially to their county having reached this stage. Warwickshire should be praised for leaving Ian Bell out of a Friends Provident match earlier in the season but both Durham and Hampshire were guilty of leaving out regulars to find places for KP and Collingwood at Lords. Collingwood batted slowly and was the least effective of the Durham batters whilst KP, once again, failed to step up on the big occasion.
Middlesex matters
The Great Jack Morgan sent me his report of a three day Middlesex IIs fixture in early August
Wednesday 8/8 (sunny and warm): I went to Vine Lane for the first day of the three-dayer v MCCYCs. Middlesex lost Morgan, Housego and Wright to the first XI Pro40 game at Headingley and replaced them with Evans, Kabir Toor, Silverwood (having a run out to keep his eye in during the long gap between Championship fixtures) and Gareth Berg (the rumour is that Middlesex will sign a Kolpak for next season to compensate for the loss of an overseas player and it is believed that Berg, a South African of course, is one of those being considered; the only other name I have heard mentioned was that of Omari Banks). Middlesex started very slowly, but after about an hour, Hutton began to flow and then Malan got going too and Middlesex lunched in luxury on 140-0. That was where it ended however as Hutton (79) and Malan (84) became part of a collapse that saw them slump to 209-6. Berg looked good, but got out for 39 and it was left to the Test players Johnson (49) and Silverwood (33*) to steer Middlesex to 320 all out. For the YCs, opening bowler Lee Hodgson (4-38) and Malan’s off-spinning brother Charlie (4-75) took the honours. When YCs batted, Williams made the breakthrough with his first ball, but that was it and they closed on 71-1. C Wright is definitely joining Essex apparently and the Director is said to be furious, though I cannot think why. I have never felt sure that Chris would make a first team bowler, but if Embers felt that he would then he should have ensured that he got more chances.
Thursday 9/8 (mainly sunny and warm): YCs made good progress when Shane Jeffers (68) and Mohammed Nabi (52) were together, but they declined from 133-2 to 224 all out. Robbie Williams deserved his 3 wickets and Danny Evans bowled well for his 2; Berg also bowled usefully and picked up a wicket. Nash was apparently taken ill again overnight and failed to appear, Ned Eckersley taking the gloves. When Middlesex batted again, Malan (84) and Hutton (run out 95) surpassed their first innings effort, putting on 166 second time around and Middlesex closed on 236-2 with Levy and Berg at the crease. Rumours of players leaving Middlesex are abundant at present, but there are few about class players being recruited. Everyone seems very unhappy and Smithy is getting most of the blame, probably rightly, but criticism is being aimed in all directions and I just cannot go along with most of it. People seem to think that Middlesex have a right to be in Division One, but of course it has to be earned; they are also saying that Division 2 is rubbish and Middlesex ought to be able to win the division easily, but apart from Glamorgan, I do not think we have played any rubbish teams: they are all trying to escape from Division 2 the same as we are.
Friday 10/8 (sunny and very warm): Levy (76*) and Kabir Toor (28*) slogged it around until Hutton called them in when the target had reached 400. The YCs never had much chance of course, but Middlesex had 6 or 7 seamers in the team and Hutton felt the need to give most of them a decent bowl although the pitch was not giving them any assistance. Wickets were slow to tumble initially, but once Peploe (4 wickets) and Kabir (3 wickets with leg-spin) teamed up, the YCs crumbled to 165 all out just after tea, ideal for avoiding the notorious Friday night rush hour chaos. Silverwood, Whelan and Johnson amassed four wickets between them in the match. There was one strange incident today, both serious and amusing at the same time. When Hutton brought on Danny Evans (whom I had praised for his accuracy in the first innings) for his first bowl of the day he started with two beamers at the unfortunate batsman (who was Mohammed Nabi), the second of which hit him a nasty blow on the shoulder and resulted in a delay of several minutes while Nabi was treated by the physio. I’m sure the beamers were not intentional, but Evans was hastily withdrawn from the attack and was replaced by Peploe, who has been known to suffer from the yips and could be one of those leaving the club. Astonishingly, however, Pepsi’s first ball to Nabi was another beamer that narrowly missed his right ear and completed possibly a unique hat-trick of beamers! I’ve never seen anything like it before and I doubt if anyone else has. Banned from bowling, Evans (who is a huge, genial sort of bloke and who likes a bit of banter with the batsmen) was strategically placed at short-leg, where he picked up four catches!
Lardarse Matters
In Twenty20, somewhat surprisingly, the players seem able to manage twenty overs in the field without a formal drinks break although I suspect that this probably has more to do with the penalty that is applied if they don’t complete their overs in the specified time than the recognition that it is unnecessary. However, during the final after Kent had bowled ten overs their twelfth man appeared on the pitch offering the Kent captain, Rob Key, a selection of bars. The commentators generously suggested these were power, high energy bars but I suspect that they were actually double sized Mars bars. On this occasion they were waved away but presumably when the match is not televised and there are less people in attendance he grabs a handful and munches his way through them.
Rose Bowl Deficiency Matters
On the day after the Old Danes Gathering at Shepherd Bush I went with The Great Jack Morgan to the Rose Bowl to see the final day of the County Championship match between Hampshire and Sussex. It never occurred to us that there wouldn’t be a prompt start but it was in fact delayed by ninety minutes because of wet areas on the outfield. Although there had been overnight rain as well as the accumulated wetness of July this still seemed odd. However, all was revealed when it started to drizzle during this delay when the covers were brought on. These were the old fashioned kind that simply covered the strip and had short hoses draining the gutters. And hereby lay the problem. These hoses ran about fifteen yards from the covers and deposited all the water at cover point and square leg. This seems incredible for an aspiring test match ground.
In many other respects the Rose Bowl is impressive with tiered seating all around the playing area and the spectacular roof structure to the pavilion. However, the sightscreens are sheets draped over the plastic seats and look inappropriate for a modern stadium. Lords raised the bar for all test grounds when its recently installed drainage performed miracles after the cloud burst on the Friday of the India test. Trent Bridge was found wanting by comparison the following week. Any test venue will now have to install modern efficient drainage systems to avoid criticism. When the Professor and I were talking to the Lancashire Chairman, Jack Simmons, last season he said that they had spent £22k on improving the drainage at Old Trafford. Was this to preserve test status for the ground? No, it was to spend profit to avoid paying tax.
I asked the Great Jack Morgan whether he had any other criticisms of the Rose Bowl and he came up with:
Other Rose Bowl weaknesses: i) the track has never risen above the mediocre and was downright poor on the first couple of occasions that I visited; ii) there is only one electronic scoreboard so many people cannot see it and when the sun gets round to shining on it in the afternoon, hardly anyone can read it (not a problem on the day you visited); iii) unacceptable congestion in the bottleneck exit from the complex (again not a problem on 28/7); iv) £7 parking fee; and v) lack of refreshments etc. You could add that they have poor weather there and they failed to supply overcoats, raincoats, umbrellas, spare sweaters etc.
Legendary Matters
Watchers of County cricket this season are being treated to the opportunity to see the greatest test bowlers of all time in action. The Great Jack Morgan and I saw Shane Warne at the Rose Bowl in the Sussex match. It was a cold afternoon and the captain seemed to come on too late to make a difference to the result and when he did so he couldn’t find a length and Goodwin and Adams scored easily off him, but it didn’t matter. We saw him bowl. There won’t be many more opportunities to do so. Earlier he had batted and played a couple of lusty blows before advancing down the wicket and being stumped. Who was the bowler? Mushtaq, of course. The only reason he also isn’t high in the test wicket taking rankings is the perversity of the Pakistani selectors. Don’t forget whilst Kaneria was laughably preferred ahead of him last summer he was taking Sussex to another Championship title. He is the only bowler to have taken a hundred wickets in the modern era and has done so twice. He is thirty-six and won’t be around for many more seasons. Go and see him in action before it is too late.
Meanwhile the Sri Lankan Chucker is turning out for Lancashire. It is too late to go on about his blatant throwing and batsmen will just have to put up with it. He will go past Hamburger’s test tally in the coming months and may even go on to a thousand test wickets. But unless he keeps signing on for Lancashire the opportunities to see him in action will be limited. He is a great entertainer and seems to enjoy every minute of his cricket. He is also one of the dying breed of number elevens who uses the long handle. Andrew Baker told me that he had been to the Lancashire/Sussex match at Liverpool, which featured Freddie’s come back. But who had been the star? Murali, of course. Apparently when he came in to bat Glen Chapple tried to farm the bowling but whenever Murali faced he slogged it out of the ground. Then when Sussex batted as soon as the shine had been removed Murali was weaving his magic. In between overs he was at fine leg and was pestered between every ball by boys seeking autographs. He signed every one.
If you don’t get to see these guys in action you will live to regret it. Tales to grandchildren are made of this stuff. Go and see them before it is too late.
G’Day, Deutschland Uber Alles, Sport
The Professor returns to xenophobic matters
There are those among your readership who, I'm told, are concerned about the number of county cricketers who are not qualified to play for England. This week's news that Shane Warne is about to become a German adds an interesting inflection to that concern since it will allow Hampshire to field yet another player who cannot sport the three lions. The last time I saw Hampshire play about half of the side were "overseas" and I suppose if all of them became Germans it could approach 100%.
This might not, of course, be a bad thing. I guess a fair number of Australian families could discover some German ancestry and so a decent selection from the county cricket hangers-on could produce a pretty handy side. They would certainly be a match for Zimbabwe and Bangladesh and may start to challenge the big boys as well. A German team might have some trouble with home pitches but one feels sure that Germanic organisation and efficiency would sort that one out. Language shouldn't prove too big a barrier - many Germans speak English very well and I have even come across a few Australians who are fluent. If they were successful, cricket might catch on in a big way and we could look forward to (say) Hampshire (a team full of "Germans") taking on Munchengladback (a team full of Germans) for the 20/20 EuroCup, or some such.
But why end here? If cricket became popular in Germany, it might spread elsewhere - say to Argentina where, thanks to the good offices of the Catholic Church, so many elderly Germans took up residence in the 1940s.
Other European countries could follow suit. The Netherlands have produced a number of handy cricketers over the years but I imagine that many of the South African and Zimbabweans now playing in county cricket could find some Dutch forebears. If so, the Netherlands could acquire test status almost by return of post.
The biggest beneficiary from this strategy, however, would be Ireland. The principal function of the penal colony now known as "Australia" was to rid this country of its immigrant Irish population. No charge was too trumped-up to result in a "transportation" verdict. It was a sort of Daily Mail readers' wish-list brought to life. The result is that vast numbers of Australians can now trace their heritage back to these appallingly ill-used people. Indeed, there is, I understand, even some cache in having some genetic link to a member of the "First Fleet".
The upshot is that most of the Australians now playing for the English counties, without any hope or expectation of representing their country, could become Irish. We know from the lovely Rupert Murdoch that changing nationality for pecuniary advantage is not regarded as a great impediment in that part of the world. So if all those has-beens or never-will-bes on the county circuit declared themselves to be Irish there would instantly be another test nation (to go with the Germans) of the top rank. In fact, given their performance in the World Cup, it wouldn't require too many Irishtralians to bring this about.
Personally, I'm all for it.
PPS Matters
Peter Ray had gone surprisingly quiet on his personal crusade to downgrade His Wonderfulness, but then I received this:
I was going to e-mail you to predict a PPS ton in the second dig, there being no pressure with the series gone, but had no time at the weekend which was action-packed, believe it or not, even if much of that action was the pouring down the throat of various alcoholic fluids. It just had to be done, though, and I have never been one to shirk duty. Sunday I was being a Richmond CC dignitary - no, really; that's what it says on page two of our handbook - in my capacity as RCC Hon Sec when we hosted the final of the Cricketer Cup; very well attended, good weather; Old Tunbridgeans won yet again.
I seem to have come under a little fire for criticism of the greatest living Englishman - um, adoptive Brit (his estimate, not mine) - the PPS. I have to admit to considerable bias against him. I do not like his Neanderthal appearance, which indicates an adverse brain/physique imbalance. I do not like his penchant for self decoration, which all my heroes eschewed. I do not like his bland and unquestioning acceptance of his own over-valuation of his cricketing abilities. I do not like what I perceive as a total lack of guts, backbone and basic cricket sense.
The latter statement will need justification. It seems to me that in a majority of instances his big runs come in the second innings and are often irrelevant to the outcome of the game. In other words, those innings are played when there is an absence of pressure. Where there has been pressure - e.g. Oval 2005 - he would have been out cheaply had there been normal luck about. Had we had time to get a bet on, how much would we have lost when Warne dropped the PPS? If it had been business as usual, there would have been no PPS innings to talk about that day. The number of important - important to the side - innings played are disproportionately few, I would suggest, although this may be a subjective reading because I have not done the analysis that his supporters may wish to put forward.
It is a mystery to me why the press love him. Today I read of his masterly performance - yet again out as soon as he gets his hundred and, as usual, to a ridiculous shot. Who is he playing for? The team? Or the PPS? In the first innings, of course, when runs were really needed from him, he got a mere 41. The way he got out would have caused most reasonable club batsmen to go behind the pavilion and open a vein, or slip a noose around their necks. Such batsmen, facing Tendulkar and seeing the wrist action, would have put the pad just inside the anticipated line from the pitch of the ball to the stumps and, if it had proved to be the googly, would have played it. Otherwise, they would have considered it to be the wicket keeper’s property. Instead, there was a grotesque slog yielding the edge to Dravid. Abysmal is too high a word of praise for such a woeful performance.
Again, I am amazed to read about his remarkable buckling down to the job and his self-denial in the second dig. He batted 216 minutes. At today's rate of 14 per hour, that means just about 50 overs. How tricky is it to bat just 50 overs? Quite a few people will have batted bat for longer than that this year, and certainly last year, in the Middlesex League, in the Premiership and, quite possibly, in Divisions Two and Three.
In the first innings, he batted 124 minutes, 30 overs, maybe, before throwing his wicket away. How does he ever manage to get "tired", for goodness sake? He has plenty of time to sit watching the others bat.
Doppelganger matters
Mike (formerly Mick) Cope captained the St Clement Danes 1st XI in 1963. It must have been a miserable experience for him as few of his contemporaries made it into the sixth form and he found himself leading a bunch of players two or three years younger than himself as well as Jack Morgan and myself who were just fifteen and seriously inexperienced. Mick survived this trauma principally by opening the batting and the bowling himself and hoping for cameo performances from the rest of us.
St Clement Danes 1st XI 1963
Standing: Steve Caley, Peter Bunker, Geoff Wright, Neil Adcock, Phil Mathews, Jack Morgan
Seated: Malcolm (scorer), Arthur Gates, Dick Bond, Mick Cope, John Adams, Frank Foreman, Jim Sharp
It is almost certain that Mike has not seen the Great Jack Morgan since the end of the 1963 season. That is not until the Old Danes Gathering at Shepherds Bush in July. But since then he sees him everywhere, including masquerading as Clive in an article in Sussex Life.
The GJM at Shepherds Bush Clive or is it?
For the record here are before and after photos of Mike Cope:
Mick Cope 1963 Mike Cope 2007
Wicket keeping Matters
The Great Jack Morgan adds to the new, post Teflon wicket keeping debate
It is very hard, as I have said before, to judge keeper/ batsmen on the few occasions that one has the chance to view them. If we accept that England needs a keeper who can bat at no 7, then there is a case for giving Prior a run in the side. We know that he drops a few clangers, but I reckon he has had a difficult initiation this season and certainly takes the initiative with the bat... and it is probably too soon for Hodd, who has only had a handful of first team appearances (he only escaped the 2s this season because of Prior’s elevation to Test status). Don’t forget that it would be a huge step up for Hodd, especially with the bat. If I agreed that Prior should go, you would want me to name a successor, but I am no longer sure for whom I would vote. G Jones cannot keep; Read does not appear to be able to bat at international level; Foster is hopeless when keeping to spin; Nixon is too old; Nash cannot stay fit; Wallace is poor standing up; Pipe is under-rated, but it is probably too late for him now at nearly 30; Mustard looks hot with the bat, but only luke warm with the gloves; Adshead is a good bat, but not a class keeper; Pothas is an average keeper, but a very good bat: he is now qualified for England, but the fact that he played for South Africa in ODIs will be held against him; it is probably too late for Sutton at 30; New is an excellent prospect, but cannot get the gloves at Leicester because of the presence of the Badger; Scott is not batting well enough; Northants and Somerset do not know who their best keeper is; Alleyne cannot displace Read; Batty is a good candidate, but is now 33; Ambrose bats well, but was poor on the only occasion that I saw him keep (I am also biased against him because he ousted the incumbent Tony Frost, a competent keeper who averaged 63 with the bat last season); Davies will surely threaten Prior in due course, but is not reckoned to be a sufficiently good keeper at present; while Brophy’s batting keeps the excellent Simon Guy out of the Yorkshire side. I know that Prior is not perfect, but on closer examination, Hodd may not be either, though I agree with you that he is one of the best prospects and, indeed, it was me who drew him to your attention. I would definitely be looking at alternatives, but I would take some time to do so. With Worcestershire being relegated, I should get the chance to study Davies next season.
Red Mist Matters
In the first round of the Cricketer Cup this season Charterhouse Friars racked up 477 for 2 in their fifty overs. James Hamblin scored 235 including 22 sixes. His opening partnership with James Wood, who scored 217, was worth 415. In reply the Stowe Templars were dismissed for 116.
Football Matters
Andrew Baker has been busy coaching his Ladies football team in readiness for the new season. I was, therefore, a little surprised to hear from Kelvin West that he had already lured some of the players for cricket coaching. He sent me this: “I thought that your readers would like to see a picture of one of the ladies team taken when she got tangled in the indoor nets at my facility.”
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An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 57
September 2007
Caption Competition
- Matt Prior: Why have you got your wallet in your pocket, Liam? This isn’t Southgate.
- Monty Panesar: I haven’t worked out what to do when others get wickets yet.
- Paul Collingwood: Get off the Bouncy Castle you three. This is an International match.
- Matt Prior: Don’t move Liam, I’ve got my box caught.
- Paul Collingwood: Well bowled Liam, that’s two consecutive balls on the strip.
- Monty Panesar: I never get to do this at Northants.
- Matt Prior: Between you and me that’s my first catch of the season.
What is it about Scarborough? The local “Tourist Information Office” says that they receive 250,000 visitors a year who come for the “attractions”. This is the third year running that I have been there and I have yet to see anything, except a small park that could be called attractive. Unless, that is, you are a fan of “traditional Yorkshire pizza and chips” which is on sale at a number of the shops next to the cricket ground.
This is all the more disappointing when I recall my childhood image of the place. As a boy I always thought the “Scarborough Festival” sounded unreachably exotic…fancy playing cricket at the “Scarborough Festival”. This image was confirmed by a Trevor Bailey story he told on the radio about a festival game when Len Hutton was batting and taking it far too seriously. Not out at lunch time, Hutton declined the food (and presumably drink) and stayed in the dressing room planning his inevitable century. Bailey (Dulwich College and Cambridge) thought this was pretty bad form and decided on a jolly jape. To bowl the first over after lunch he scouted round the kitchens and found a very over-ripe orange. Bailey’s account was to the effect that the first ball after lunch was one of the most accurate he ever bowled since it had to be a shin high off stump full toss. Hutton, all dedication and intent, belted it though extra cover only for the thing to explode all over his whites. I don’t think Bailey recorded Hutton’s reaction but I doubt he found it as funny as the public school chappies. What a place…Scarborough, where such things happen! Who would not want to go there? Well, last Wednesday I did.
It was a crunch match for Yorkshire needing to restore their title challenge at the expense of Warwickshire. Two thousand hardy souls entered the North Marine Ground (capacity 15,000 according to the Wisden Book of Cricket Grounds) and hardy they had to be. It was freezing. The north wind blew all day and took no prisoners. I counted about 15 people on the Western Terrace which had no cover of any sort…how they survived I do not know. Perhaps they didn’t. Warwickshire certainly didn’t. Having inexplicably decided to bat they watched the Yorkshire side take the field in woolly bobble hats and bowl them out before tea. The Yorkshire side included the England captain and that local-boy-made-good Inzamam-ul-Haq, but I was particularly interested to see how well Ajmal Shahzad performed having watched him in a club game the week before. One of the pleasures of watching club cricket in Yorkshire is to see some of the players on the fringe of the Yorkshire side. In the last few weeks I have seen: Lawson, Wood, Lyth, Thornicroft and Shahzad – all of whom take the field with their names and numbers on their backs.
Invariably they seem more impressive playing for the county (although that may just be an impression). Shahzad is sharp rather than lightening quick but he made Warwickshire jump about rather more than he had the Harrogate players. That may, of course, also be something to do with the respective wickets. Lawson also looked a better leggy when I saw him play for the county than in a club match. There are those, who I take to be good judges of leg spin, who think Lawson is a better bowler than Rashid. I can’t see that myself although Rashid does seem to take some time to settle onto a length and that time might not be permitted if he makes the Sri Lanka trip. He is however a talented fielder and excellent bat.
Bad light ended the game prematurely to general relief of the few remaining spectators who scuttled back to their hotels and B&Bs for a warm up and we only saw a couple of overs from Warwickshire’s new South African, Alfonso Thomas, who is of the slightly-built whippy variety of quickish bowlers. Even in a couple of overs he got the ball past the England captain’s bat more than once.
Given the temperature, I watched a fair part of the match from the bar upstairs in the pavilion. Scarborough were national club champions in 1972 and the pictures of the match showed the first wicket to fall – the opening bat of Brentham being bowled all over the place. It was, of course, Roger Kingdon.
Professional Cricket Matters
After Glamorgan had been thrashed by Yorkshire in a Pro40 match in Cardiff their captain, David Hemp, found himself in the unenviable position of being interviewed by Paul Allott. Allott seemed intent on getting to the bottom of Glamorgan’s appalling form this season. After exploring bad luck with the weather and the inevitable injuries he asked Hemp what he was going to do about the remainder of the season. Hemp responded “We had better pray harder”.
Before his return to international cricket at the Rose Bowl Freddie was interviewed for Radio Five Live. He explained how hard life for him had been out of the game and in particular that he had had very long days having to get up to meet his physio at 7.30 am and not getting back home until 3.30pm.
Essex made a real hash of chasing against Worcestershire in a Pro40 match but that did have the benefit of giving Tom Westley, aged eighteen, some time at the crease. He batted pleasantly and sensibly until he decided to take a quick single to Graham Hick at short extra cover. Hick, aged 42, was playing county cricket before Westley was born. He calmly fielded the ball and threw down the stumps at the bowler’s end with Westley well short of his ground.
Freddie gets plenty of time off injured and one wonders what he does with this time, particularly as he is paid a huge amount of money by the ECB during these dormant periods. He certainly doesn’t seem to watch videos of his innings or analyse why he hasn’t scored any serious runs for months. A simple examination of these would show that he assumes that he will always clear any fielder when he goes for a big hit and therefore that he never bothers to try to place the ball either side of the fielder in the deep. So when he batted at Bristol after just a few deliveries he played his all too customary heave-ho slog and watched the ball go straight down the throat of deep mid wicket.
Sajid Mohammed also gets much time off and similar questions could be raised as to his use of idle time. In the Worcestershire/ Lancashire Pro40 match at Taunton (yes, Taunton) Saj went for 31 off his first three overs. Abdul Razzaq in Afridi mode accelerated Worcestershire towards the substantial Lancashire total and Saj was then recalled to try to save the match for Lancashire. It could be argued that he was fortunate to be bowling to Hick with Razzaq in ultra destructive mode. However, he showed once again what a moron he is by bowling new rinse which Hick hit for sixteen off his first three deliveries. The England quick conceded 47 from 21 deliveries in total.
This brings us on to Chad Keegan, the ultimate convalescent, who appeared to be oblivious to both trends in modern batting and bowling when he bowled at the Riverside against Phil Mustard. Mustard took five consecutive boundaries from him as he persisted in offering the ball up into the slot.
I am an advocate of England players using county cricket both championship and one-day to find rhythm and form. However, I am not at all sure that they should become automatic selections for finals when other players have contributed substantially to their county having reached this stage. Warwickshire should be praised for leaving Ian Bell out of a Friends Provident match earlier in the season but both Durham and Hampshire were guilty of leaving out regulars to find places for KP and Collingwood at Lords. Collingwood batted slowly and was the least effective of the Durham batters whilst KP, once again, failed to step up on the big occasion.
Middlesex matters
The Great Jack Morgan sent me his report of a three day Middlesex IIs fixture in early August
Wednesday 8/8 (sunny and warm): I went to Vine Lane for the first day of the three-dayer v MCCYCs. Middlesex lost Morgan, Housego and Wright to the first XI Pro40 game at Headingley and replaced them with Evans, Kabir Toor, Silverwood (having a run out to keep his eye in during the long gap between Championship fixtures) and Gareth Berg (the rumour is that Middlesex will sign a Kolpak for next season to compensate for the loss of an overseas player and it is believed that Berg, a South African of course, is one of those being considered; the only other name I have heard mentioned was that of Omari Banks). Middlesex started very slowly, but after about an hour, Hutton began to flow and then Malan got going too and Middlesex lunched in luxury on 140-0. That was where it ended however as Hutton (79) and Malan (84) became part of a collapse that saw them slump to 209-6. Berg looked good, but got out for 39 and it was left to the Test players Johnson (49) and Silverwood (33*) to steer Middlesex to 320 all out. For the YCs, opening bowler Lee Hodgson (4-38) and Malan’s off-spinning brother Charlie (4-75) took the honours. When YCs batted, Williams made the breakthrough with his first ball, but that was it and they closed on 71-1. C Wright is definitely joining Essex apparently and the Director is said to be furious, though I cannot think why. I have never felt sure that Chris would make a first team bowler, but if Embers felt that he would then he should have ensured that he got more chances.
Thursday 9/8 (mainly sunny and warm): YCs made good progress when Shane Jeffers (68) and Mohammed Nabi (52) were together, but they declined from 133-2 to 224 all out. Robbie Williams deserved his 3 wickets and Danny Evans bowled well for his 2; Berg also bowled usefully and picked up a wicket. Nash was apparently taken ill again overnight and failed to appear, Ned Eckersley taking the gloves. When Middlesex batted again, Malan (84) and Hutton (run out 95) surpassed their first innings effort, putting on 166 second time around and Middlesex closed on 236-2 with Levy and Berg at the crease. Rumours of players leaving Middlesex are abundant at present, but there are few about class players being recruited. Everyone seems very unhappy and Smithy is getting most of the blame, probably rightly, but criticism is being aimed in all directions and I just cannot go along with most of it. People seem to think that Middlesex have a right to be in Division One, but of course it has to be earned; they are also saying that Division 2 is rubbish and Middlesex ought to be able to win the division easily, but apart from Glamorgan, I do not think we have played any rubbish teams: they are all trying to escape from Division 2 the same as we are.
Friday 10/8 (sunny and very warm): Levy (76*) and Kabir Toor (28*) slogged it around until Hutton called them in when the target had reached 400. The YCs never had much chance of course, but Middlesex had 6 or 7 seamers in the team and Hutton felt the need to give most of them a decent bowl although the pitch was not giving them any assistance. Wickets were slow to tumble initially, but once Peploe (4 wickets) and Kabir (3 wickets with leg-spin) teamed up, the YCs crumbled to 165 all out just after tea, ideal for avoiding the notorious Friday night rush hour chaos. Silverwood, Whelan and Johnson amassed four wickets between them in the match. There was one strange incident today, both serious and amusing at the same time. When Hutton brought on Danny Evans (whom I had praised for his accuracy in the first innings) for his first bowl of the day he started with two beamers at the unfortunate batsman (who was Mohammed Nabi), the second of which hit him a nasty blow on the shoulder and resulted in a delay of several minutes while Nabi was treated by the physio. I’m sure the beamers were not intentional, but Evans was hastily withdrawn from the attack and was replaced by Peploe, who has been known to suffer from the yips and could be one of those leaving the club. Astonishingly, however, Pepsi’s first ball to Nabi was another beamer that narrowly missed his right ear and completed possibly a unique hat-trick of beamers! I’ve never seen anything like it before and I doubt if anyone else has. Banned from bowling, Evans (who is a huge, genial sort of bloke and who likes a bit of banter with the batsmen) was strategically placed at short-leg, where he picked up four catches!
Lardarse Matters
In Twenty20, somewhat surprisingly, the players seem able to manage twenty overs in the field without a formal drinks break although I suspect that this probably has more to do with the penalty that is applied if they don’t complete their overs in the specified time than the recognition that it is unnecessary. However, during the final after Kent had bowled ten overs their twelfth man appeared on the pitch offering the Kent captain, Rob Key, a selection of bars. The commentators generously suggested these were power, high energy bars but I suspect that they were actually double sized Mars bars. On this occasion they were waved away but presumably when the match is not televised and there are less people in attendance he grabs a handful and munches his way through them.
Rose Bowl Deficiency Matters
On the day after the Old Danes Gathering at Shepherd Bush I went with The Great Jack Morgan to the Rose Bowl to see the final day of the County Championship match between Hampshire and Sussex. It never occurred to us that there wouldn’t be a prompt start but it was in fact delayed by ninety minutes because of wet areas on the outfield. Although there had been overnight rain as well as the accumulated wetness of July this still seemed odd. However, all was revealed when it started to drizzle during this delay when the covers were brought on. These were the old fashioned kind that simply covered the strip and had short hoses draining the gutters. And hereby lay the problem. These hoses ran about fifteen yards from the covers and deposited all the water at cover point and square leg. This seems incredible for an aspiring test match ground.
In many other respects the Rose Bowl is impressive with tiered seating all around the playing area and the spectacular roof structure to the pavilion. However, the sightscreens are sheets draped over the plastic seats and look inappropriate for a modern stadium. Lords raised the bar for all test grounds when its recently installed drainage performed miracles after the cloud burst on the Friday of the India test. Trent Bridge was found wanting by comparison the following week. Any test venue will now have to install modern efficient drainage systems to avoid criticism. When the Professor and I were talking to the Lancashire Chairman, Jack Simmons, last season he said that they had spent £22k on improving the drainage at Old Trafford. Was this to preserve test status for the ground? No, it was to spend profit to avoid paying tax.
I asked the Great Jack Morgan whether he had any other criticisms of the Rose Bowl and he came up with:
Other Rose Bowl weaknesses: i) the track has never risen above the mediocre and was downright poor on the first couple of occasions that I visited; ii) there is only one electronic scoreboard so many people cannot see it and when the sun gets round to shining on it in the afternoon, hardly anyone can read it (not a problem on the day you visited); iii) unacceptable congestion in the bottleneck exit from the complex (again not a problem on 28/7); iv) £7 parking fee; and v) lack of refreshments etc. You could add that they have poor weather there and they failed to supply overcoats, raincoats, umbrellas, spare sweaters etc.
Legendary Matters
Watchers of County cricket this season are being treated to the opportunity to see the greatest test bowlers of all time in action. The Great Jack Morgan and I saw Shane Warne at the Rose Bowl in the Sussex match. It was a cold afternoon and the captain seemed to come on too late to make a difference to the result and when he did so he couldn’t find a length and Goodwin and Adams scored easily off him, but it didn’t matter. We saw him bowl. There won’t be many more opportunities to do so. Earlier he had batted and played a couple of lusty blows before advancing down the wicket and being stumped. Who was the bowler? Mushtaq, of course. The only reason he also isn’t high in the test wicket taking rankings is the perversity of the Pakistani selectors. Don’t forget whilst Kaneria was laughably preferred ahead of him last summer he was taking Sussex to another Championship title. He is the only bowler to have taken a hundred wickets in the modern era and has done so twice. He is thirty-six and won’t be around for many more seasons. Go and see him in action before it is too late.
Meanwhile the Sri Lankan Chucker is turning out for Lancashire. It is too late to go on about his blatant throwing and batsmen will just have to put up with it. He will go past Hamburger’s test tally in the coming months and may even go on to a thousand test wickets. But unless he keeps signing on for Lancashire the opportunities to see him in action will be limited. He is a great entertainer and seems to enjoy every minute of his cricket. He is also one of the dying breed of number elevens who uses the long handle. Andrew Baker told me that he had been to the Lancashire/Sussex match at Liverpool, which featured Freddie’s come back. But who had been the star? Murali, of course. Apparently when he came in to bat Glen Chapple tried to farm the bowling but whenever Murali faced he slogged it out of the ground. Then when Sussex batted as soon as the shine had been removed Murali was weaving his magic. In between overs he was at fine leg and was pestered between every ball by boys seeking autographs. He signed every one.
If you don’t get to see these guys in action you will live to regret it. Tales to grandchildren are made of this stuff. Go and see them before it is too late.
G’Day, Deutschland Uber Alles, Sport
The Professor returns to xenophobic matters
There are those among your readership who, I'm told, are concerned about the number of county cricketers who are not qualified to play for England. This week's news that Shane Warne is about to become a German adds an interesting inflection to that concern since it will allow Hampshire to field yet another player who cannot sport the three lions. The last time I saw Hampshire play about half of the side were "overseas" and I suppose if all of them became Germans it could approach 100%.
This might not, of course, be a bad thing. I guess a fair number of Australian families could discover some German ancestry and so a decent selection from the county cricket hangers-on could produce a pretty handy side. They would certainly be a match for Zimbabwe and Bangladesh and may start to challenge the big boys as well. A German team might have some trouble with home pitches but one feels sure that Germanic organisation and efficiency would sort that one out. Language shouldn't prove too big a barrier - many Germans speak English very well and I have even come across a few Australians who are fluent. If they were successful, cricket might catch on in a big way and we could look forward to (say) Hampshire (a team full of "Germans") taking on Munchengladback (a team full of Germans) for the 20/20 EuroCup, or some such.
But why end here? If cricket became popular in Germany, it might spread elsewhere - say to Argentina where, thanks to the good offices of the Catholic Church, so many elderly Germans took up residence in the 1940s.
Other European countries could follow suit. The Netherlands have produced a number of handy cricketers over the years but I imagine that many of the South African and Zimbabweans now playing in county cricket could find some Dutch forebears. If so, the Netherlands could acquire test status almost by return of post.
The biggest beneficiary from this strategy, however, would be Ireland. The principal function of the penal colony now known as "Australia" was to rid this country of its immigrant Irish population. No charge was too trumped-up to result in a "transportation" verdict. It was a sort of Daily Mail readers' wish-list brought to life. The result is that vast numbers of Australians can now trace their heritage back to these appallingly ill-used people. Indeed, there is, I understand, even some cache in having some genetic link to a member of the "First Fleet".
The upshot is that most of the Australians now playing for the English counties, without any hope or expectation of representing their country, could become Irish. We know from the lovely Rupert Murdoch that changing nationality for pecuniary advantage is not regarded as a great impediment in that part of the world. So if all those has-beens or never-will-bes on the county circuit declared themselves to be Irish there would instantly be another test nation (to go with the Germans) of the top rank. In fact, given their performance in the World Cup, it wouldn't require too many Irishtralians to bring this about.
Personally, I'm all for it.
PPS Matters
Peter Ray had gone surprisingly quiet on his personal crusade to downgrade His Wonderfulness, but then I received this:
I was going to e-mail you to predict a PPS ton in the second dig, there being no pressure with the series gone, but had no time at the weekend which was action-packed, believe it or not, even if much of that action was the pouring down the throat of various alcoholic fluids. It just had to be done, though, and I have never been one to shirk duty. Sunday I was being a Richmond CC dignitary - no, really; that's what it says on page two of our handbook - in my capacity as RCC Hon Sec when we hosted the final of the Cricketer Cup; very well attended, good weather; Old Tunbridgeans won yet again.
I seem to have come under a little fire for criticism of the greatest living Englishman - um, adoptive Brit (his estimate, not mine) - the PPS. I have to admit to considerable bias against him. I do not like his Neanderthal appearance, which indicates an adverse brain/physique imbalance. I do not like his penchant for self decoration, which all my heroes eschewed. I do not like his bland and unquestioning acceptance of his own over-valuation of his cricketing abilities. I do not like what I perceive as a total lack of guts, backbone and basic cricket sense.
The latter statement will need justification. It seems to me that in a majority of instances his big runs come in the second innings and are often irrelevant to the outcome of the game. In other words, those innings are played when there is an absence of pressure. Where there has been pressure - e.g. Oval 2005 - he would have been out cheaply had there been normal luck about. Had we had time to get a bet on, how much would we have lost when Warne dropped the PPS? If it had been business as usual, there would have been no PPS innings to talk about that day. The number of important - important to the side - innings played are disproportionately few, I would suggest, although this may be a subjective reading because I have not done the analysis that his supporters may wish to put forward.
It is a mystery to me why the press love him. Today I read of his masterly performance - yet again out as soon as he gets his hundred and, as usual, to a ridiculous shot. Who is he playing for? The team? Or the PPS? In the first innings, of course, when runs were really needed from him, he got a mere 41. The way he got out would have caused most reasonable club batsmen to go behind the pavilion and open a vein, or slip a noose around their necks. Such batsmen, facing Tendulkar and seeing the wrist action, would have put the pad just inside the anticipated line from the pitch of the ball to the stumps and, if it had proved to be the googly, would have played it. Otherwise, they would have considered it to be the wicket keeper’s property. Instead, there was a grotesque slog yielding the edge to Dravid. Abysmal is too high a word of praise for such a woeful performance.
Again, I am amazed to read about his remarkable buckling down to the job and his self-denial in the second dig. He batted 216 minutes. At today's rate of 14 per hour, that means just about 50 overs. How tricky is it to bat just 50 overs? Quite a few people will have batted bat for longer than that this year, and certainly last year, in the Middlesex League, in the Premiership and, quite possibly, in Divisions Two and Three.
In the first innings, he batted 124 minutes, 30 overs, maybe, before throwing his wicket away. How does he ever manage to get "tired", for goodness sake? He has plenty of time to sit watching the others bat.
Doppelganger matters
Mike (formerly Mick) Cope captained the St Clement Danes 1st XI in 1963. It must have been a miserable experience for him as few of his contemporaries made it into the sixth form and he found himself leading a bunch of players two or three years younger than himself as well as Jack Morgan and myself who were just fifteen and seriously inexperienced. Mick survived this trauma principally by opening the batting and the bowling himself and hoping for cameo performances from the rest of us.
St Clement Danes 1st XI 1963
Standing: Steve Caley, Peter Bunker, Geoff Wright, Neil Adcock, Phil Mathews, Jack Morgan
Seated: Malcolm (scorer), Arthur Gates, Dick Bond, Mick Cope, John Adams, Frank Foreman, Jim Sharp
It is almost certain that Mike has not seen the Great Jack Morgan since the end of the 1963 season. That is not until the Old Danes Gathering at Shepherds Bush in July. But since then he sees him everywhere, including masquerading as Clive in an article in Sussex Life.
The GJM at Shepherds Bush Clive or is it?
For the record here are before and after photos of Mike Cope:
Mick Cope 1963 Mike Cope 2007
Wicket keeping Matters
The Great Jack Morgan adds to the new, post Teflon wicket keeping debate
It is very hard, as I have said before, to judge keeper/ batsmen on the few occasions that one has the chance to view them. If we accept that England needs a keeper who can bat at no 7, then there is a case for giving Prior a run in the side. We know that he drops a few clangers, but I reckon he has had a difficult initiation this season and certainly takes the initiative with the bat... and it is probably too soon for Hodd, who has only had a handful of first team appearances (he only escaped the 2s this season because of Prior’s elevation to Test status). Don’t forget that it would be a huge step up for Hodd, especially with the bat. If I agreed that Prior should go, you would want me to name a successor, but I am no longer sure for whom I would vote. G Jones cannot keep; Read does not appear to be able to bat at international level; Foster is hopeless when keeping to spin; Nixon is too old; Nash cannot stay fit; Wallace is poor standing up; Pipe is under-rated, but it is probably too late for him now at nearly 30; Mustard looks hot with the bat, but only luke warm with the gloves; Adshead is a good bat, but not a class keeper; Pothas is an average keeper, but a very good bat: he is now qualified for England, but the fact that he played for South Africa in ODIs will be held against him; it is probably too late for Sutton at 30; New is an excellent prospect, but cannot get the gloves at Leicester because of the presence of the Badger; Scott is not batting well enough; Northants and Somerset do not know who their best keeper is; Alleyne cannot displace Read; Batty is a good candidate, but is now 33; Ambrose bats well, but was poor on the only occasion that I saw him keep (I am also biased against him because he ousted the incumbent Tony Frost, a competent keeper who averaged 63 with the bat last season); Davies will surely threaten Prior in due course, but is not reckoned to be a sufficiently good keeper at present; while Brophy’s batting keeps the excellent Simon Guy out of the Yorkshire side. I know that Prior is not perfect, but on closer examination, Hodd may not be either, though I agree with you that he is one of the best prospects and, indeed, it was me who drew him to your attention. I would definitely be looking at alternatives, but I would take some time to do so. With Worcestershire being relegated, I should get the chance to study Davies next season.
Red Mist Matters
In the first round of the Cricketer Cup this season Charterhouse Friars racked up 477 for 2 in their fifty overs. James Hamblin scored 235 including 22 sixes. His opening partnership with James Wood, who scored 217, was worth 415. In reply the Stowe Templars were dismissed for 116.
Football Matters
Andrew Baker has been busy coaching his Ladies football team in readiness for the new season. I was, therefore, a little surprised to hear from Kelvin West that he had already lured some of the players for cricket coaching. He sent me this: “I thought that your readers would like to see a picture of one of the ladies team taken when she got tangled in the indoor nets at my facility.”
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