G&C 206
GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 206
February 2020
Out & About with the Professor
It was, in the end, all very satisfactory; indeed, very much better than satisfactory. I have watched England overseas on about a dozen tours now. Frequently it is an activity to be endured rather than enjoyed. There have been some dreadful thrashings in Auistralia, India and “Pakistan”, balanced, in small part, by some numinous moments at, for example, Adelaide and Mumbai.
No doubt there are already detractors telling us that this was a poor South African side (must be true because we beat them) and one swallow doesn’t make a cliché…and on and on. None of that was said after the First Test of course. Stokes labelled it “the cursed tour” after they were all so very ill (they should not, realistically, have put out a side), Stokes’ father was taken seriously ill, Burns went home after the ludicrous football busines, as did, subsequently, Jimmy. Some curse. Similarly, it would be ridiculous to declare this side as world beaters…Sri Lanka will be a very different challenge in just a couple of months. But 3-1 away is 3-1 away and the resiliance of the side is all the more impressive when you see how young they are. I can’t think that England have ever put such a young side in the field. The South African team were in our hotel in Cape Town with the England squad next door. When you bump into them you realise just how young they look. Apart from being extremely tall, some of them (Crawley and Curran, for example) hardly look old enough to shave.
These were my thoughts at the start of the Third Test – I’ve tried to convey some of the excitement of being there.
Unsurprisingly, the England supporters arrived at Port Elizabeth with enhanced expectations. The breathless end to the Cape Town Test could not have failed to raise collective spirits...and raised they were.
There is a reason why Test cricket is special, and the match at Newlands was it.
It was a game to remember, for as long as I have memories.
Unusually, I was moderately confident walking to the ground on the last day. Eight wickets is not too great a task on the fifth day and though the pitch had played better than expected, it still looked dreadful, and the huge black foot holes were clearly going to make life difficult for the left-handers. Add to that, this South African team doesn’t appear to have the batting depth of recent years. Of course, we didn’t know about Anderson.
There was a lot of silly Press talk about SA going for the runs...”only 100 per session”. Umm...
There are always going to be obdurate partnerships in an innings like this and South Africans, in particular, do obduracy rather well. But even the stand between de Kock and van der Dussen was only ever one mistake away, and so it proved. Had England had a decent spinner and hit the footmarks regularly, it would have been over quite quickly. The fact that Denly’s best ball in Test cricket was a dreadful long-hop, slapped to midwicket, and that an inspired piece of field placing got rid of van der Dussen, only set up the stage for the irresistible force that is Ben Stokes. It is difficult to think of anything on a cricket field that he can’t do, and he does it all, seemingly, by force of will. Someone said to me, in those last few overs, that if they had built a brick wall across his run up he would just have run straight through it. Anyone could have seen the effort but what you can’t get on the TV, of course, is how hot it was. It was too hot to sit in the sun, let alone run around in it. Even the Army were on the bank under the trees. Stokes just turned round ball after ball after ball and charged in. The sweat poured off him, his face gradually took on the hue of a recently refurbished pillar-box, but nothing could stop him: he just smashed his way through. The last five wickets for eleven runs… and a bunch of far-from-young supporters in our box were hugging each other like teenagers.
The conventional wisdom now seems to be that Stokes is a “batting all-rounder”. Try telling that to Big Vern. Or the five he caught in the first innings. In this form and this mood, he is a batting, bowling and fielding all-rounder, i.e., an all-rounder.
It’s not all joy of course, the deficiencies in the England side are well- known, as are those of the hosts. Two not very good sides can produce exciting matches. Barry Richards, who on Day One predicted that we needed 400 plus to “be in the game”, also had some views about England’s batting. Sibley, he thinks, will make a reasonable Test opener: “Not a Graham Gooch, but a gutsy player”. He doesn’t rate Denly at all: “Plays some nice shots but always hits the fielders...he needs to think like a batsman and hit the gaps”. Asked how he would counter the Maharaj tactics of spearing the ball down the leg side, into the rough, to a 7:2 field, the Great Man had a solution:
“Take guard outside the leg stump in front of the rough. That way, if he continues to bowl down the leg side, it will miss the rough and be a free hit. If he bowls at the stumps, that is now an easy ball to attack off front or back foot. A couple of drives through a non-existent cover field and the captain will have to change his plans.”
“What if he pitches it straight at you, that is, (now) straight into the rough?
“Well, that one you can kick away.”
Easy!
Somehow I think that Mr Richards would be able to manage this...I’m not so sure about Mr Denly.
Three wise men: Small, Richards and Holding…two of whom dressed for the occasion.
For me Root’s captaincy is still a concern. He set some bizarre fields at Newlands. To choose just two:
For Denly bowling to left-handlers he had a deep Third Man. Why? Who knows? The ball never went there and the only way it could would have been for Denly to bowl an even shorter long-hop than his wicket-taking ball and pitch it a yard outside off stump. If all that had happened, our Third Man on the fence would have kept the runs down to a single. Not too important when they are a couple of hundred behind.
A second example was the three Square Legs. Yes, if you didn’t see it, three men in an exact line from the popping crease: a Short Square, a normal Square (in case it went through Short Square’s legs?), and a Deep Square, in case it went through both sets of legs. Given that you only have nine, to put three fielders in a file on the same line seems very odd to me. Why not four? Or the whole sodding side in single file from the popping crease to the fence?
Mind you, all was forgiven when he moved Anderson to leg slip and van der Dussen gave him the catching practice.
And so to “PE” - all very excited.
Our coach driver is a club cricketer and his view, on the way to the ground was: win the toss and bat. So we did. A low slow stodgy pitch produced a stodgy, but not unsuccessful, first day....and then came the Stokes. A low slow pitch is not too much of a problem when you drop to one knee and belt the ball out of the park. Our seats were high-up behind the bowlers arm with a view to the left of the grass bank and the streets outside the ground. I was sitting directly behind the gadget that does the reviews, and quite high up...think Lord’s upper tier. To our right is a big long stand. To our left is the open grass bank, populated by the Army, beyond which is the street with people and traffic. The second six of the Stokes cleared the boundary; it cleared the irritating electronic advertising board about three yards behind; it cleared the grassy bank and the five foot wall behind that; it left the ground. It bounced on the tarmac, went past two traffic policemen and went off down the road towards the sea. Two chaps set off after it and we watched as they caught it up a couple of hundred yards later.
In short, Stokes changed the game.
It was perfect for Pope, he sat in behind Stokes, played his game and then went on to his hundred and looked every inch a Test player. After that, it was mayhem. Curran belted the thing around and then Wood came in with the single intention of hitting sixes...and he hit several. The ball just flew to all parts while Pope “ramped” Rabada time and again. 499 seemed unimaginable on Day One. Two SA wickets before the close concluded a near perfect day. It seemed obvious that Bess would be crucial to the outcome – less so that Root would. It also seemed obvious that South Africa were a beaten side. The result (and the result in the Final Test) was no surprise.
It seems unkind to return, once again, to Root’s captaincy when his side has won by an innings but, if you were trying to get rid of No11 with the new ball, does it really make sense to give it to two off-spinners...one of them him. Not to me it didn’t…but let’s not quibble.
A wonderful tour and a 3-1 result. “Pick”, as my father would have said, “the bones out of that”.
This & That
I didn’t see any of the first two tests but the last two seemed very one-sided affairs. Due to the delay in the start at Port Elizabeth Sky showed live coverage of the T20 from New Zealand in which India chased down over 200 with Shreyas Iyer scoring 58 not out from 29 balls. This was an exceptional performance and I suspect he will be a major force in Indian cricket for years to come. Extraordinarily both the third and fourth matches in this series were tied.
I was also treated on this day to the Irish winning their opening T20 against the West Indies. The backbone of this performance was the opening partnership between Stirling and O’Brien. They racked up 93 in the six over Power Play, 130 in the first ten overs, 150 in 11.2 overs and their stand was finally broken at 154.
When the test started at PE I was immediately reminded that at this venue you are constantly subjected to a brass band accompaniment. What is wrong with these people? It is more like a fairground than a cricket ground. You can imagine my distress then when the final test at the Wanderers (or Johannesburg or the Bullring -take your pick) was accompanied by another brass band. They did seem to tire easily here but were encouraged to respond when that Prat in the Barmy Army started blowing his trumpet.
Another distressing aspect of watching England cricket is being subject, every day after the start of play, to a rendering of Jerusalem sung by a bunch of hung-over holidaymakers. Have they no shame?
Pope is getting praise for his short leg fielding. I don’t know whether he has any history there, but his success is based on staying down which he does well. It is not only the safest technique, but it also gives the greatest chance of catching anything that comes your way.
I was puzzled at the way the South Africans (I can’t bring myself to call them Proteas) played Bess who looks just a gentle roller and who sent one or two deliveries down the leg side each over. Rather than see them as free hits the batsmen just watched them go by.
I think that I have noted this before but contrary to all expectations I find that KP is a positive addition to the commentary teams. It may be that he is a recent player and so has played in the modern idiom.
During the fourth test the commentators discussed du Plessis’ inability to win the toss and indeed here he failed even to spin the coin. Nasser joined in and claimed that he was the “World Champion Tosser” to which there was silence in the box and Mark Nicholas eventually commented “I think you’ve said it all there, Nass”.
Apparently the South African players have all been fined 60% of their match fee and the team penalised six World Test Championship points for a slow over rate during the fourth Test against England in Johannesburg. They must have known this was inevitable when they picked a side without a spinner and so presumably are indifferent to the fines and penalty points. On their performances it would seem that they can ill afford to be losing any points. England may have avoided penalties by using some overs of Root, although some time would have been lost in finding and returning the ball during his mauling by van der Dussen.
In the ODI at the Wankede Stadium in Mumbai the Australians won the toss and having put the Indians in controlled the game throughout. They restricted India to a mediocre 255 and then Warner (128) and Finch (111) knocked them off without loss in 38 overs.
In the Big Bash Marcus Stoinis opened for the Melbourne Stars and created a new record score by hammering 147 not out from 79 balls in an innings which included 8 sixes. Meanwhile, coming in at 89 for 3 for the Perth Scorchers Mitchell Marsh clobbered 93 not out from just 41 deliveries in an innings which included 8 sixes. His brother, Sean (68), top scored for the Melbourne Renegades in their total of 168 for 7 against the Melbourne Stars. In reply Stoinis departed without scoring but Glen Maxwell coming in at 54 for 3 scored 83 not out from 45 balls faced to see his side home.
Morgan Matters
We get another peek into the Great man’s winter diary
The Guardian's Footballer of the Year is Megan Rapinoe!
The ECB is "cautiously" supporting 4-day Tests, which is likely to happen in 2023 at the World Test Championship...but won't this just mean more and more draws?
Blimey! Rs 6 Cardiff 1! Nahki Wells 3 (9, 48, 64) Bright Osayi-Samuel 2 (27, 41), Eberi Eze (57). It was Rs' best result since 1999 (6-0 v C Palace), but we are still only 15th. Wells now has 13 goals this season and is fourth in the Championship leading scorers list.
FA Cup 3rd Round: Blimey! 4 days after thrashing Cardiff, Rs have put 5 past Swansea... bring on Newport! The scorers were Hugill (on loan from WHU) 2, Osayi-Samuel, Wallace and Scowen (“an absolute screamer”).
Andy Bull, in the G, thinks that D Sibley is "Boycott's latest heir"... could be. Barney Ronay, in the G, thinks that the brilliant 5 day Test in Cape Town was the perfect response to the ICC's daft plan for 4 day Tests, I agree. J Buttler is in trouble for calling V Philander "a fucking knobhead" within the stump mike's hearing range... so what does that make Jos?
A Giles says that 5-day Tests "are precious to him and the players".
Surrey's forgotten former England pace bowler, Stuart Meaker, has joined Sussex.
J Buttler has now been fined 15% of his match fee for an "audible obscenity".
A Strauss says there must be an overwhelming argument for switching Tests from 5 days to 4 and if there is not, they should stick to 5. Seconded.
MCC's cricket committee and its world cricket committee both agree that Test matches should continue to be played over 5 days.
Barney Ronay has a long article in today's G singing the praises of S Curran: is he worried that he might get left out?
Lewis Gregory has been appointed captain of both the red and white ball teams on the Lions' tour of Oz.
A sign of the times? England were thrashed by Afghanistan in an U-19 World Cup warm-up match at Hammanskraal.
B Stokes is ICC's PotY and he is in both the ICC Test team otY and the ODI TotY. The only other England man chosen was J Buttler who is in the ODI TotY.
K Rabada earned a demerit point for celebrating the wicket of J Root in unapproved fashion and this has earned him a ban from the last Test. M Vaughan does not approve of bans for celebrating wickets, but N Hussain says that Rabada has plenty of previous and needed a lesson.
Middlesex’s left arm pace bowler Tom Barber, released at the end of the season, has signed for Notts.
Have England suddenly transformed into a good team or have SA suddenly gone total crap? I suppose it could be that England were all sick and injured for the first Test, but now they are fit? M Wood was not happy about the PE weather: "it's just like Durham" he said. Later, I read that Root took the second new ball himself and Maharaj hit the first 5 balls for 3 fours and 2 sixes and when the last ball went for 4 byes the total of 28 off the over equalled the record for the most expensive over in Test history.
T Westley is Essex's new captain in the Championship and One Day Cup.
B Stokes is in trouble after responding to a home supporter calling him a "ginger cunt" by inviting him to "come and say it to me outside the ground you fucking four-eyed cunt"! Punishment is expected. Stokes has issued an apologetic statement but might still find himself banned from the upcoming T20 competition.
Stokes has got away with a slap on the wrist (a fine of 15% of his match fee plus one demerit point) for his outburst. The ICC have taken a surprisingly lenient attitude to this one.
J Buttler has been getting some criticism for average keeping and low scores with the bat, but assistant coach P Collingwood has leapt to his defence, calling him an "X factor player" says he is "world class" and should be "backed to the hilt".
V Philander has also been fined 15% of his match fee for swearing at J Buttler.
More support for Buttler comes in a long article in today's G by Jonathan Liew who will not have a word said against Jos, who is "one of the most gifted cricketers England has ever produced". Even Vic is now referring to him as "the ever -reliable Buttler", but I think he was only talking about his keeping.
CH Lloyd is now Sir Clive. Basil Butcher has died aged 86.
Middlesex's long-term debt of £161k is the lowest of all the first-class counties... not all their figures are so good though. E Morgan will resume the Middlesex captaincy in this summer's T20 competition and AB de Villiers hopes to return to Middlesex, but it will not be in 2020. D Mascarenhas has signed a 2 year deal as bowling coach and TSRJ has signed a new contract until the end of the 2022 season.
Today's G tells us that S Broad was fined "15% of his match fee, around £2,250". My rusty maths tells me that he must be getting £15,000 per Test. Is this right? Do they all get the same? C Stocks tells us that i) J Denly is likely to get the axe in favour of J Bairstow for the SL tour and that ii) B Foakes is also likely to be recalled. Vic thinks that the three spinners will be Somerset men Bess and Leach (of course) plus Moeen, though Silverwood is quoted as saying he is unsure about Mo's readiness.
J Archer is injured again and will miss the SA T20s... and has, in fact, already returned home. He has been replaced by Saqib Mahmood. "Pace development contracts" have been awarded to Mahmood, Olly Stone and Craig Overton.
Allahakbarries Matters
Murray Hedgcock puts pen to paper
Further to George’s pleasing piece on J.M.Barrie’s Allahakbarries (Googlies 205 -11) I feel his list of “writers that participated” merits further detail.
The Allahakbarries flourished between 1887 and 1905, with a single match revival in July, 1913, before war put an end to such indulgences. The first game was played against the local team in the picturesque Surrey village of Shere, Barrie and his colleagues having scouted out local strength by watching the men of Shere in action – and deciding to wait a year before challenging them, by which time it was agreed they would be so much older and, it was hoped, less able.
Barrie was a cricket tragic, in today’s parlance: obsessed with the game, but of limited ability. He was primarily a slow left arm bowler – so slow that he claimed if not satisfied with a delivery, he could run after the ball and retrieve it before it reached the striker.
But he was totally in command of his team as perpetual captain and sole selector, picking his elevens on this basis: “With regard to the married men, it was because I liked their wives; with regard to the single men, it was for the oddity of their personal appearance”.
No detail survives of that first contest, except the note that Shere accumulated “a goodly score” – the visitors replying with just eleven runs. Matters looked bleak for the Allahakbarries next year when they turned up two short, reduced to scouring the neighbourhood for reinforcements. The first was an artist press-ganged despite his protests when found sketching cows in a meadow. Then a soldier was spotted, seated outside a pub with two ladies. He agreed to play if they would take the ladies along. He won the match virtually single-handed – “and was last seen sitting outside another pub, with another two ladies”.
The team was clearly short of quality, so the captain was obliged to compile an instructional book, recommending that his team should not practise in front of their opponents, since it would only give the other team confidence. He added that when play began: “Should you hit the ball, run at once. Do not stop to cheer”.
The only known scorebook is Barrie’s own record for seasons 1899-1903, recorded mostly in near-illegible pencil to suggest that the team’s scorer/s were little more accomplished than many of the players.
However Conan Doyle was a useful club cricketer who played ten games for MCC. His sole firstclass wicket was that of W.G.Grace. E.W.Hornung, his brother-in-law, was a cricket enthusiast hampered as a player by ill-health: he atoned by making his bestknown character, the gentleman thief Raffles, a brilliant bowler. P.G.Wodehouse had been the Dulwich College spearhead fast bowler, and A.A.Milne, who played only one game, knew his cricket well enough to write charmingly about it.
Chesterton ‘s considerable bulk even as a young man would suggest his only cricketing value might be as a means of rolling the pitch; he certainly never played, and there is no record that Kipling did so, either (he was said not to like the game). Barrie was unable to persuade H.G.Wells to turn out, having hoped presumably that cricketing ability might have passed from Wells’s father Joseph. He played several seasons for Kent as a professional, and against Sussex in 1862 took four wickets in four balls – the first time it had been done in first class cricket.
One study records: “This remarkable celebrity team was celebrated in a slim book, privately published by Barrie in 1890, called Allahakbarries C.C. A revised edition appeared in 1899 and a reprint in 1950 contained a forward by Don Bradman. The pre-1900 copies are extremely hard to find and much sought-after by rare book collectors. However, the 1950 reprints are relatively easy to find, with prices under £60”. I can’t recall what the occasional first edition brings, but it is several thousands. On which saddening note, this collector calls it a day.
Bush & Burke Matters
Peter Burke sent me this
Good to see the Great JM is up to date with Bush affairs! Yes, they have been quite good in recent years, playing well in the Premiership coming fourth and winning the 2ndXI league, with the 3’s only just missing out on promotion to the top 3rd XI League. The Bush Firsts this year also drew with Ealing at home and beat them at Corfton Road! The first success for many a year - much to the amusement and pleasure of the Bush old guard who follow them around!
JM is correct with his reminiscing of John Price turning up three times in a Bush cricket week. He probably opened with my old mate Geoff Cleaver, who after being ‘worked over’ by ‘Sport’ for the third time, returned to the pavilion muttering the memorable words “Cannon fodder, that’s all I am, bloody cannon fodder!”
The other story I remember about John Price and the Bush concerns the last games of the season. Way back, we used to play Wembley on the third Saturday in September and again two weeks later on the first Saturday in October! (No early September season finishes in those days!) I played in the October fixture one year, I.00 start, it was dark by 5.00, Wasps were playing just over the fence in the Stygian gloom and we really couldn’t raise a side, so drafted in anyone who could walk, these included Wally Cambridge, probably pushing 70 at the time and a genuine piss artist and Steve Thomas, a longtime member and cricket secretary.
I think Allan Keats and maybe Geoff also played. Well guess who turned out for Wembley? JSE Price of Middlesex and England!! To be fair to Pricey, he ambled in and bowled ‘off cutters which were far too good for us as they ‘seamed’ in out of the Wasps floodlights! He castled Punchy Keats, who was adverse to anything faster than an off break, and said “If the umpire had strictly enforced the laws, he should have called that a wide as there was no way his bat could have touched it, he was closer to the square leg umpire than his wicket!”
Those were the days! Only the Bush!
Maximum Maximiums
Canterbury batsman Leo Carter has become the seventh man to hit six sixes in an over in top-level cricket. The 25-year-old is the first New Zealander to achieve the feat, and the fourth to do so in Twenty20 cricket. Carter hit the runs off Northern Districts' ex-New Zealand left-arm spinner Anton Devcich at Christchurch's Hagley Oval, while playing in the domestic Super Smash T20 tournament.
His feat happened in the 16th over as the home side successfully chased their target of 220 with seven balls to spare - the highest successful T20 run chase in New Zealand's history. Wellington-born Carter, who finished 70 not out from 29 balls, has played county 2nd XI and league cricket in England, most recently for New Brighton in the Liverpool & District league last summer.
Eskinazi Matters
Nick Friend writes
The Middlesex man was not alone in finding run-scoring difficult in 2019, but it frustrated him nonetheless. Disappointed not to pick up a Hundred deal and keen to stress his commitment to England, Eskinazi opens up on a challenging year. Until 2019, County Championship runs had never really been a problem for Stevie Eskinazi. Nobody made more for Middlesex in either 2017 or 2018. The year beforehand – his first full campaign with the county, he had averaged 43.50 in a well-oiled winning machine as the club won a first title since 1993 on a famous final day.
There were murmurs of further recognition for the 25-year-old, Johannesburg-born but bred both in Hampshire and Perth. He holds English and Australian passports, while his father was born in Zimbabwe. It stands Eskinazi out as a man of the world; he is qualified now to represent England and that is how he sees himself. The irony of the situation, therefore, is that his eligibility coincided with his most challenging year, certainly against the red ball, at least. That he still played in 12 of Middlesex’s 14 games last season – even captaining on occasion – is a reminder of the esteem in which he is held, runs or no runs.
In their championship-winning year, meanwhile, big scores at Lord’s had been an unavoidable norm – Middlesex drew 10 games. Three years on, Eskinazi can scarcely a home game that reached a fourth day. It is no excuse, he points out, and no criticism of the surfaces in northwest London. But it is also no secret that batting has proven difficult. “Chatting to a lot of guys in the top three or four around the country, people have had similar struggles,” he admits. “Guys who started their careers with a bit of a bang have certainly found it to be more challenging in the last 18 months.
“There was a toss-up of whether that was to do with the Duke ball or conditions and playing so early and late in the season. I just think there’s a lot of different factors that go into that: emphasis on white-ball cricket, people looking to make their money elsewhere. “When you’re playing four games in April, if you average 35 coming out of that, you’re pretty happy with yourself. But if you’re trying to push for spots in that England side, your aspirations have to be far higher than that. “With English cricket trying to get spinners involved and produce more top order batsmen who understand the art of batting for longer periods, something is going to have to be done. The responsibility is on us as players, no doubt, but I do think there are certain management aspects that could go into trying to nurture us as batsmen.”
I do think there is a huge opportunity for guys around my age who are top three batters. Funnily enough, when the England Test team plays poorly, it’s quite an exciting time for domestic players. The departures of former captain Malan to Yorkshire and Stirling to Ireland will, no doubt, leave an almighty hole. For the club’s younger players, including Eskinazi, Nick Gubbins and Max Holden, filling the pair’s void means added responsibility.
White-ball improvement is a shift that Eskinazi has already made; in the T20 Blast, only Malan, AB de Villiers and Eoin Morgan managed more runs for Law’s team, while there was a maiden List A century in the 50-over competition. Given his numbers, he confesses that missing out on a deal for The Hundred was “extremely disappointing”.
The Last Old Danes Gathering
It has been suggested that the 2020 Old Danes Gathering be the last. It will be held at Shepherds Bush CC on Friday 24 July from 2pm. It is the Friday of their Cricket Week and so there will be members present from earlier if there are any premature arrivals. Any Old Danes together with wives, partners, concubines and pets will be welcome. There will be a bar open all afternoon. There are no fixed times. Attendees can wander in and out through the afternoon and early evening as they wish.
Googlies Website
All the back editions of Googlies can be found on the G&C website. There are also many photographs most of which have never appeared in Googlies.
www.googliesandchinamen.com
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An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 206
February 2020
Out & About with the Professor
It was, in the end, all very satisfactory; indeed, very much better than satisfactory. I have watched England overseas on about a dozen tours now. Frequently it is an activity to be endured rather than enjoyed. There have been some dreadful thrashings in Auistralia, India and “Pakistan”, balanced, in small part, by some numinous moments at, for example, Adelaide and Mumbai.
No doubt there are already detractors telling us that this was a poor South African side (must be true because we beat them) and one swallow doesn’t make a cliché…and on and on. None of that was said after the First Test of course. Stokes labelled it “the cursed tour” after they were all so very ill (they should not, realistically, have put out a side), Stokes’ father was taken seriously ill, Burns went home after the ludicrous football busines, as did, subsequently, Jimmy. Some curse. Similarly, it would be ridiculous to declare this side as world beaters…Sri Lanka will be a very different challenge in just a couple of months. But 3-1 away is 3-1 away and the resiliance of the side is all the more impressive when you see how young they are. I can’t think that England have ever put such a young side in the field. The South African team were in our hotel in Cape Town with the England squad next door. When you bump into them you realise just how young they look. Apart from being extremely tall, some of them (Crawley and Curran, for example) hardly look old enough to shave.
These were my thoughts at the start of the Third Test – I’ve tried to convey some of the excitement of being there.
Unsurprisingly, the England supporters arrived at Port Elizabeth with enhanced expectations. The breathless end to the Cape Town Test could not have failed to raise collective spirits...and raised they were.
There is a reason why Test cricket is special, and the match at Newlands was it.
It was a game to remember, for as long as I have memories.
Unusually, I was moderately confident walking to the ground on the last day. Eight wickets is not too great a task on the fifth day and though the pitch had played better than expected, it still looked dreadful, and the huge black foot holes were clearly going to make life difficult for the left-handers. Add to that, this South African team doesn’t appear to have the batting depth of recent years. Of course, we didn’t know about Anderson.
There was a lot of silly Press talk about SA going for the runs...”only 100 per session”. Umm...
There are always going to be obdurate partnerships in an innings like this and South Africans, in particular, do obduracy rather well. But even the stand between de Kock and van der Dussen was only ever one mistake away, and so it proved. Had England had a decent spinner and hit the footmarks regularly, it would have been over quite quickly. The fact that Denly’s best ball in Test cricket was a dreadful long-hop, slapped to midwicket, and that an inspired piece of field placing got rid of van der Dussen, only set up the stage for the irresistible force that is Ben Stokes. It is difficult to think of anything on a cricket field that he can’t do, and he does it all, seemingly, by force of will. Someone said to me, in those last few overs, that if they had built a brick wall across his run up he would just have run straight through it. Anyone could have seen the effort but what you can’t get on the TV, of course, is how hot it was. It was too hot to sit in the sun, let alone run around in it. Even the Army were on the bank under the trees. Stokes just turned round ball after ball after ball and charged in. The sweat poured off him, his face gradually took on the hue of a recently refurbished pillar-box, but nothing could stop him: he just smashed his way through. The last five wickets for eleven runs… and a bunch of far-from-young supporters in our box were hugging each other like teenagers.
The conventional wisdom now seems to be that Stokes is a “batting all-rounder”. Try telling that to Big Vern. Or the five he caught in the first innings. In this form and this mood, he is a batting, bowling and fielding all-rounder, i.e., an all-rounder.
It’s not all joy of course, the deficiencies in the England side are well- known, as are those of the hosts. Two not very good sides can produce exciting matches. Barry Richards, who on Day One predicted that we needed 400 plus to “be in the game”, also had some views about England’s batting. Sibley, he thinks, will make a reasonable Test opener: “Not a Graham Gooch, but a gutsy player”. He doesn’t rate Denly at all: “Plays some nice shots but always hits the fielders...he needs to think like a batsman and hit the gaps”. Asked how he would counter the Maharaj tactics of spearing the ball down the leg side, into the rough, to a 7:2 field, the Great Man had a solution:
“Take guard outside the leg stump in front of the rough. That way, if he continues to bowl down the leg side, it will miss the rough and be a free hit. If he bowls at the stumps, that is now an easy ball to attack off front or back foot. A couple of drives through a non-existent cover field and the captain will have to change his plans.”
“What if he pitches it straight at you, that is, (now) straight into the rough?
“Well, that one you can kick away.”
Easy!
Somehow I think that Mr Richards would be able to manage this...I’m not so sure about Mr Denly.
Three wise men: Small, Richards and Holding…two of whom dressed for the occasion.
For me Root’s captaincy is still a concern. He set some bizarre fields at Newlands. To choose just two:
For Denly bowling to left-handlers he had a deep Third Man. Why? Who knows? The ball never went there and the only way it could would have been for Denly to bowl an even shorter long-hop than his wicket-taking ball and pitch it a yard outside off stump. If all that had happened, our Third Man on the fence would have kept the runs down to a single. Not too important when they are a couple of hundred behind.
A second example was the three Square Legs. Yes, if you didn’t see it, three men in an exact line from the popping crease: a Short Square, a normal Square (in case it went through Short Square’s legs?), and a Deep Square, in case it went through both sets of legs. Given that you only have nine, to put three fielders in a file on the same line seems very odd to me. Why not four? Or the whole sodding side in single file from the popping crease to the fence?
Mind you, all was forgiven when he moved Anderson to leg slip and van der Dussen gave him the catching practice.
And so to “PE” - all very excited.
Our coach driver is a club cricketer and his view, on the way to the ground was: win the toss and bat. So we did. A low slow stodgy pitch produced a stodgy, but not unsuccessful, first day....and then came the Stokes. A low slow pitch is not too much of a problem when you drop to one knee and belt the ball out of the park. Our seats were high-up behind the bowlers arm with a view to the left of the grass bank and the streets outside the ground. I was sitting directly behind the gadget that does the reviews, and quite high up...think Lord’s upper tier. To our right is a big long stand. To our left is the open grass bank, populated by the Army, beyond which is the street with people and traffic. The second six of the Stokes cleared the boundary; it cleared the irritating electronic advertising board about three yards behind; it cleared the grassy bank and the five foot wall behind that; it left the ground. It bounced on the tarmac, went past two traffic policemen and went off down the road towards the sea. Two chaps set off after it and we watched as they caught it up a couple of hundred yards later.
In short, Stokes changed the game.
It was perfect for Pope, he sat in behind Stokes, played his game and then went on to his hundred and looked every inch a Test player. After that, it was mayhem. Curran belted the thing around and then Wood came in with the single intention of hitting sixes...and he hit several. The ball just flew to all parts while Pope “ramped” Rabada time and again. 499 seemed unimaginable on Day One. Two SA wickets before the close concluded a near perfect day. It seemed obvious that Bess would be crucial to the outcome – less so that Root would. It also seemed obvious that South Africa were a beaten side. The result (and the result in the Final Test) was no surprise.
It seems unkind to return, once again, to Root’s captaincy when his side has won by an innings but, if you were trying to get rid of No11 with the new ball, does it really make sense to give it to two off-spinners...one of them him. Not to me it didn’t…but let’s not quibble.
A wonderful tour and a 3-1 result. “Pick”, as my father would have said, “the bones out of that”.
This & That
I didn’t see any of the first two tests but the last two seemed very one-sided affairs. Due to the delay in the start at Port Elizabeth Sky showed live coverage of the T20 from New Zealand in which India chased down over 200 with Shreyas Iyer scoring 58 not out from 29 balls. This was an exceptional performance and I suspect he will be a major force in Indian cricket for years to come. Extraordinarily both the third and fourth matches in this series were tied.
I was also treated on this day to the Irish winning their opening T20 against the West Indies. The backbone of this performance was the opening partnership between Stirling and O’Brien. They racked up 93 in the six over Power Play, 130 in the first ten overs, 150 in 11.2 overs and their stand was finally broken at 154.
When the test started at PE I was immediately reminded that at this venue you are constantly subjected to a brass band accompaniment. What is wrong with these people? It is more like a fairground than a cricket ground. You can imagine my distress then when the final test at the Wanderers (or Johannesburg or the Bullring -take your pick) was accompanied by another brass band. They did seem to tire easily here but were encouraged to respond when that Prat in the Barmy Army started blowing his trumpet.
Another distressing aspect of watching England cricket is being subject, every day after the start of play, to a rendering of Jerusalem sung by a bunch of hung-over holidaymakers. Have they no shame?
Pope is getting praise for his short leg fielding. I don’t know whether he has any history there, but his success is based on staying down which he does well. It is not only the safest technique, but it also gives the greatest chance of catching anything that comes your way.
I was puzzled at the way the South Africans (I can’t bring myself to call them Proteas) played Bess who looks just a gentle roller and who sent one or two deliveries down the leg side each over. Rather than see them as free hits the batsmen just watched them go by.
I think that I have noted this before but contrary to all expectations I find that KP is a positive addition to the commentary teams. It may be that he is a recent player and so has played in the modern idiom.
During the fourth test the commentators discussed du Plessis’ inability to win the toss and indeed here he failed even to spin the coin. Nasser joined in and claimed that he was the “World Champion Tosser” to which there was silence in the box and Mark Nicholas eventually commented “I think you’ve said it all there, Nass”.
Apparently the South African players have all been fined 60% of their match fee and the team penalised six World Test Championship points for a slow over rate during the fourth Test against England in Johannesburg. They must have known this was inevitable when they picked a side without a spinner and so presumably are indifferent to the fines and penalty points. On their performances it would seem that they can ill afford to be losing any points. England may have avoided penalties by using some overs of Root, although some time would have been lost in finding and returning the ball during his mauling by van der Dussen.
In the ODI at the Wankede Stadium in Mumbai the Australians won the toss and having put the Indians in controlled the game throughout. They restricted India to a mediocre 255 and then Warner (128) and Finch (111) knocked them off without loss in 38 overs.
In the Big Bash Marcus Stoinis opened for the Melbourne Stars and created a new record score by hammering 147 not out from 79 balls in an innings which included 8 sixes. Meanwhile, coming in at 89 for 3 for the Perth Scorchers Mitchell Marsh clobbered 93 not out from just 41 deliveries in an innings which included 8 sixes. His brother, Sean (68), top scored for the Melbourne Renegades in their total of 168 for 7 against the Melbourne Stars. In reply Stoinis departed without scoring but Glen Maxwell coming in at 54 for 3 scored 83 not out from 45 balls faced to see his side home.
Morgan Matters
We get another peek into the Great man’s winter diary
The Guardian's Footballer of the Year is Megan Rapinoe!
The ECB is "cautiously" supporting 4-day Tests, which is likely to happen in 2023 at the World Test Championship...but won't this just mean more and more draws?
Blimey! Rs 6 Cardiff 1! Nahki Wells 3 (9, 48, 64) Bright Osayi-Samuel 2 (27, 41), Eberi Eze (57). It was Rs' best result since 1999 (6-0 v C Palace), but we are still only 15th. Wells now has 13 goals this season and is fourth in the Championship leading scorers list.
FA Cup 3rd Round: Blimey! 4 days after thrashing Cardiff, Rs have put 5 past Swansea... bring on Newport! The scorers were Hugill (on loan from WHU) 2, Osayi-Samuel, Wallace and Scowen (“an absolute screamer”).
Andy Bull, in the G, thinks that D Sibley is "Boycott's latest heir"... could be. Barney Ronay, in the G, thinks that the brilliant 5 day Test in Cape Town was the perfect response to the ICC's daft plan for 4 day Tests, I agree. J Buttler is in trouble for calling V Philander "a fucking knobhead" within the stump mike's hearing range... so what does that make Jos?
A Giles says that 5-day Tests "are precious to him and the players".
Surrey's forgotten former England pace bowler, Stuart Meaker, has joined Sussex.
J Buttler has now been fined 15% of his match fee for an "audible obscenity".
A Strauss says there must be an overwhelming argument for switching Tests from 5 days to 4 and if there is not, they should stick to 5. Seconded.
MCC's cricket committee and its world cricket committee both agree that Test matches should continue to be played over 5 days.
Barney Ronay has a long article in today's G singing the praises of S Curran: is he worried that he might get left out?
Lewis Gregory has been appointed captain of both the red and white ball teams on the Lions' tour of Oz.
A sign of the times? England were thrashed by Afghanistan in an U-19 World Cup warm-up match at Hammanskraal.
B Stokes is ICC's PotY and he is in both the ICC Test team otY and the ODI TotY. The only other England man chosen was J Buttler who is in the ODI TotY.
K Rabada earned a demerit point for celebrating the wicket of J Root in unapproved fashion and this has earned him a ban from the last Test. M Vaughan does not approve of bans for celebrating wickets, but N Hussain says that Rabada has plenty of previous and needed a lesson.
Middlesex’s left arm pace bowler Tom Barber, released at the end of the season, has signed for Notts.
Have England suddenly transformed into a good team or have SA suddenly gone total crap? I suppose it could be that England were all sick and injured for the first Test, but now they are fit? M Wood was not happy about the PE weather: "it's just like Durham" he said. Later, I read that Root took the second new ball himself and Maharaj hit the first 5 balls for 3 fours and 2 sixes and when the last ball went for 4 byes the total of 28 off the over equalled the record for the most expensive over in Test history.
T Westley is Essex's new captain in the Championship and One Day Cup.
B Stokes is in trouble after responding to a home supporter calling him a "ginger cunt" by inviting him to "come and say it to me outside the ground you fucking four-eyed cunt"! Punishment is expected. Stokes has issued an apologetic statement but might still find himself banned from the upcoming T20 competition.
Stokes has got away with a slap on the wrist (a fine of 15% of his match fee plus one demerit point) for his outburst. The ICC have taken a surprisingly lenient attitude to this one.
J Buttler has been getting some criticism for average keeping and low scores with the bat, but assistant coach P Collingwood has leapt to his defence, calling him an "X factor player" says he is "world class" and should be "backed to the hilt".
V Philander has also been fined 15% of his match fee for swearing at J Buttler.
More support for Buttler comes in a long article in today's G by Jonathan Liew who will not have a word said against Jos, who is "one of the most gifted cricketers England has ever produced". Even Vic is now referring to him as "the ever -reliable Buttler", but I think he was only talking about his keeping.
CH Lloyd is now Sir Clive. Basil Butcher has died aged 86.
Middlesex's long-term debt of £161k is the lowest of all the first-class counties... not all their figures are so good though. E Morgan will resume the Middlesex captaincy in this summer's T20 competition and AB de Villiers hopes to return to Middlesex, but it will not be in 2020. D Mascarenhas has signed a 2 year deal as bowling coach and TSRJ has signed a new contract until the end of the 2022 season.
Today's G tells us that S Broad was fined "15% of his match fee, around £2,250". My rusty maths tells me that he must be getting £15,000 per Test. Is this right? Do they all get the same? C Stocks tells us that i) J Denly is likely to get the axe in favour of J Bairstow for the SL tour and that ii) B Foakes is also likely to be recalled. Vic thinks that the three spinners will be Somerset men Bess and Leach (of course) plus Moeen, though Silverwood is quoted as saying he is unsure about Mo's readiness.
J Archer is injured again and will miss the SA T20s... and has, in fact, already returned home. He has been replaced by Saqib Mahmood. "Pace development contracts" have been awarded to Mahmood, Olly Stone and Craig Overton.
Allahakbarries Matters
Murray Hedgcock puts pen to paper
Further to George’s pleasing piece on J.M.Barrie’s Allahakbarries (Googlies 205 -11) I feel his list of “writers that participated” merits further detail.
The Allahakbarries flourished between 1887 and 1905, with a single match revival in July, 1913, before war put an end to such indulgences. The first game was played against the local team in the picturesque Surrey village of Shere, Barrie and his colleagues having scouted out local strength by watching the men of Shere in action – and deciding to wait a year before challenging them, by which time it was agreed they would be so much older and, it was hoped, less able.
Barrie was a cricket tragic, in today’s parlance: obsessed with the game, but of limited ability. He was primarily a slow left arm bowler – so slow that he claimed if not satisfied with a delivery, he could run after the ball and retrieve it before it reached the striker.
But he was totally in command of his team as perpetual captain and sole selector, picking his elevens on this basis: “With regard to the married men, it was because I liked their wives; with regard to the single men, it was for the oddity of their personal appearance”.
No detail survives of that first contest, except the note that Shere accumulated “a goodly score” – the visitors replying with just eleven runs. Matters looked bleak for the Allahakbarries next year when they turned up two short, reduced to scouring the neighbourhood for reinforcements. The first was an artist press-ganged despite his protests when found sketching cows in a meadow. Then a soldier was spotted, seated outside a pub with two ladies. He agreed to play if they would take the ladies along. He won the match virtually single-handed – “and was last seen sitting outside another pub, with another two ladies”.
The team was clearly short of quality, so the captain was obliged to compile an instructional book, recommending that his team should not practise in front of their opponents, since it would only give the other team confidence. He added that when play began: “Should you hit the ball, run at once. Do not stop to cheer”.
The only known scorebook is Barrie’s own record for seasons 1899-1903, recorded mostly in near-illegible pencil to suggest that the team’s scorer/s were little more accomplished than many of the players.
However Conan Doyle was a useful club cricketer who played ten games for MCC. His sole firstclass wicket was that of W.G.Grace. E.W.Hornung, his brother-in-law, was a cricket enthusiast hampered as a player by ill-health: he atoned by making his bestknown character, the gentleman thief Raffles, a brilliant bowler. P.G.Wodehouse had been the Dulwich College spearhead fast bowler, and A.A.Milne, who played only one game, knew his cricket well enough to write charmingly about it.
Chesterton ‘s considerable bulk even as a young man would suggest his only cricketing value might be as a means of rolling the pitch; he certainly never played, and there is no record that Kipling did so, either (he was said not to like the game). Barrie was unable to persuade H.G.Wells to turn out, having hoped presumably that cricketing ability might have passed from Wells’s father Joseph. He played several seasons for Kent as a professional, and against Sussex in 1862 took four wickets in four balls – the first time it had been done in first class cricket.
One study records: “This remarkable celebrity team was celebrated in a slim book, privately published by Barrie in 1890, called Allahakbarries C.C. A revised edition appeared in 1899 and a reprint in 1950 contained a forward by Don Bradman. The pre-1900 copies are extremely hard to find and much sought-after by rare book collectors. However, the 1950 reprints are relatively easy to find, with prices under £60”. I can’t recall what the occasional first edition brings, but it is several thousands. On which saddening note, this collector calls it a day.
Bush & Burke Matters
Peter Burke sent me this
Good to see the Great JM is up to date with Bush affairs! Yes, they have been quite good in recent years, playing well in the Premiership coming fourth and winning the 2ndXI league, with the 3’s only just missing out on promotion to the top 3rd XI League. The Bush Firsts this year also drew with Ealing at home and beat them at Corfton Road! The first success for many a year - much to the amusement and pleasure of the Bush old guard who follow them around!
JM is correct with his reminiscing of John Price turning up three times in a Bush cricket week. He probably opened with my old mate Geoff Cleaver, who after being ‘worked over’ by ‘Sport’ for the third time, returned to the pavilion muttering the memorable words “Cannon fodder, that’s all I am, bloody cannon fodder!”
The other story I remember about John Price and the Bush concerns the last games of the season. Way back, we used to play Wembley on the third Saturday in September and again two weeks later on the first Saturday in October! (No early September season finishes in those days!) I played in the October fixture one year, I.00 start, it was dark by 5.00, Wasps were playing just over the fence in the Stygian gloom and we really couldn’t raise a side, so drafted in anyone who could walk, these included Wally Cambridge, probably pushing 70 at the time and a genuine piss artist and Steve Thomas, a longtime member and cricket secretary.
I think Allan Keats and maybe Geoff also played. Well guess who turned out for Wembley? JSE Price of Middlesex and England!! To be fair to Pricey, he ambled in and bowled ‘off cutters which were far too good for us as they ‘seamed’ in out of the Wasps floodlights! He castled Punchy Keats, who was adverse to anything faster than an off break, and said “If the umpire had strictly enforced the laws, he should have called that a wide as there was no way his bat could have touched it, he was closer to the square leg umpire than his wicket!”
Those were the days! Only the Bush!
Maximum Maximiums
Canterbury batsman Leo Carter has become the seventh man to hit six sixes in an over in top-level cricket. The 25-year-old is the first New Zealander to achieve the feat, and the fourth to do so in Twenty20 cricket. Carter hit the runs off Northern Districts' ex-New Zealand left-arm spinner Anton Devcich at Christchurch's Hagley Oval, while playing in the domestic Super Smash T20 tournament.
His feat happened in the 16th over as the home side successfully chased their target of 220 with seven balls to spare - the highest successful T20 run chase in New Zealand's history. Wellington-born Carter, who finished 70 not out from 29 balls, has played county 2nd XI and league cricket in England, most recently for New Brighton in the Liverpool & District league last summer.
Eskinazi Matters
Nick Friend writes
The Middlesex man was not alone in finding run-scoring difficult in 2019, but it frustrated him nonetheless. Disappointed not to pick up a Hundred deal and keen to stress his commitment to England, Eskinazi opens up on a challenging year. Until 2019, County Championship runs had never really been a problem for Stevie Eskinazi. Nobody made more for Middlesex in either 2017 or 2018. The year beforehand – his first full campaign with the county, he had averaged 43.50 in a well-oiled winning machine as the club won a first title since 1993 on a famous final day.
There were murmurs of further recognition for the 25-year-old, Johannesburg-born but bred both in Hampshire and Perth. He holds English and Australian passports, while his father was born in Zimbabwe. It stands Eskinazi out as a man of the world; he is qualified now to represent England and that is how he sees himself. The irony of the situation, therefore, is that his eligibility coincided with his most challenging year, certainly against the red ball, at least. That he still played in 12 of Middlesex’s 14 games last season – even captaining on occasion – is a reminder of the esteem in which he is held, runs or no runs.
In their championship-winning year, meanwhile, big scores at Lord’s had been an unavoidable norm – Middlesex drew 10 games. Three years on, Eskinazi can scarcely a home game that reached a fourth day. It is no excuse, he points out, and no criticism of the surfaces in northwest London. But it is also no secret that batting has proven difficult. “Chatting to a lot of guys in the top three or four around the country, people have had similar struggles,” he admits. “Guys who started their careers with a bit of a bang have certainly found it to be more challenging in the last 18 months.
“There was a toss-up of whether that was to do with the Duke ball or conditions and playing so early and late in the season. I just think there’s a lot of different factors that go into that: emphasis on white-ball cricket, people looking to make their money elsewhere. “When you’re playing four games in April, if you average 35 coming out of that, you’re pretty happy with yourself. But if you’re trying to push for spots in that England side, your aspirations have to be far higher than that. “With English cricket trying to get spinners involved and produce more top order batsmen who understand the art of batting for longer periods, something is going to have to be done. The responsibility is on us as players, no doubt, but I do think there are certain management aspects that could go into trying to nurture us as batsmen.”
I do think there is a huge opportunity for guys around my age who are top three batters. Funnily enough, when the England Test team plays poorly, it’s quite an exciting time for domestic players. The departures of former captain Malan to Yorkshire and Stirling to Ireland will, no doubt, leave an almighty hole. For the club’s younger players, including Eskinazi, Nick Gubbins and Max Holden, filling the pair’s void means added responsibility.
White-ball improvement is a shift that Eskinazi has already made; in the T20 Blast, only Malan, AB de Villiers and Eoin Morgan managed more runs for Law’s team, while there was a maiden List A century in the 50-over competition. Given his numbers, he confesses that missing out on a deal for The Hundred was “extremely disappointing”.
The Last Old Danes Gathering
It has been suggested that the 2020 Old Danes Gathering be the last. It will be held at Shepherds Bush CC on Friday 24 July from 2pm. It is the Friday of their Cricket Week and so there will be members present from earlier if there are any premature arrivals. Any Old Danes together with wives, partners, concubines and pets will be welcome. There will be a bar open all afternoon. There are no fixed times. Attendees can wander in and out through the afternoon and early evening as they wish.
Googlies Website
All the back editions of Googlies can be found on the G&C website. There are also many photographs most of which have never appeared in Googlies.
www.googliesandchinamen.com
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