GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 123
March 2013
Pre–season Quiz
Which of the following do not have contracts with Surrey for the coming season?
Mark Ramprakesh
Murali Kartik
Gareth Batty
Graham Gooch
Chris Adams
Ricky Ponting
Jonathan Batty
Inziman-ul-Haq
Vikram Solanki
Matthew Maynard
Zander de Bruyn
Paddy Carlin
Jacques Rudolph
Mark Butcher
Jimmy Adams
Graeme Smith
Freddie van de Bergh
Tim Murtagh
Kevin Pietersen
Henry Blofeld
Steven Davies
Jon Lewis
Gary Keedy
Owais Shah
Chris Tremlett
Dirk Nannes
Arun Harinath
Stuart Barnes
Martin Bicknell
Rory Hamilton-Brown
Rory Burns
Out and About with the Professor
The literary associations of Stoke Poges will be instantly recognised by all Googlies readers and doubtless some will be aware of its sporting associations. I was in this part of Buckinghamshire to attend a splendid wedding and was able to pop into the town (or is it a village?) to pay homage to the poet Gray in the churchyard he made famous in his Elegy. It is, in truth, a modest church but it was a pleasant day and worth the look and I fell into conversation with one of the locals. He was a fund of knowledge about the area and the Elegy and particularly about the nearby Stoke Park a late 18th/early 19th century pile which is now (and has been for over a hundred years) a country house hotel. It has a famous golf course on which famous golfers have played including, so I was told, Goldfinger in the James Bond film. The course was established by a previous owner of the house called “Pa” Jackson who was apparently “mad keen on sport” and was involved in founding the Corinthians football team, and had something or other to do with the establishment of lawn tennis on its modern lines. He was also often to be seen at Lord’s.
The mention of Headquarters rather caught my ear and I asked about cricket in the area. The best-known local side is Farnham Royal who play in the Home Counties league but apparently cricket was played at Stoke Park up until the golf course was built which seems like a very poor substitution to me. The Stoke Park estate is very large and I asked if cricket was stilled played on some part of it but my man thought not. He did however have one or two views about cricket and I’m afraid your correspondent plunged rather than tiptoed into some very deep water. I suppose there are still people about who think that the standard of cricket played these days is inferior to the past, indeed there must be… because here was one. Bowlers are rubbish, batsmen can only play because they go out in suits of armour, even fielding (which most concede is beyond the dreams of earlier generations) is only characterised by players diving all over the place. How can people hold these views and actually see what they see? How can anyone describe Kemar Roach’s catch in the recent ODI as “diving all over the place”? Diving, to be sure, but to stunning effect. How could you dismiss Finn’s recent spell as rubbish? (Easy, of course, the New Zealand batsmen were more rubbish/rubbishier/rubbishist…and so on). What of Dhoni’s double hundred? Rubbish bowling of course. I have met some people with robust traditional opinions here in Yorkshire but this particular sub-set of the Home Counties outdid them all. I thought it best not to ask his views about coloured clothing, day-nighters, scoop shots, Go-Go dancers and the rest, since I didn’t need to.
I think my new-found friend sensed that I might not agree with him, most especially when he asked me directly and I said I thought he was talking bollocks. He thought that not an appropriate word to use in church (apparently god doesn’t care for swearing…only for cricket bigots) and so I took my leave and went back into the famous churchyard.
Thomas Gray avoided the madding crowd by sitting there and contemplating “the sun upon the upland lawn” and the “rude forefathers of the hamlet” asleep in their graves. Well the forefathers might be asleep but the progeny are awake and complaining.
I asked my man, by the way, if he watched lots of cricket matches.
“Oh, I don’t go to cricket any more”
“Why not?”
“It’s rubbish!”
Resting Matters
I regularly gripe about professional sportsmen constantly needing to rest. King Cricket took up my theme
There’s an interview with Ian Chappell over at The Guardian in which he expounds on rest and rotation: “I can understand that you’ve got to give the fast bowlers a breather every now and then, but to rest batsmen is bollocks.”
Broadly speaking, we agree with this and we think it highlights our main issue with the fixture list and the necessity for rest. However, first we’ll nitpick.
In general, batsmen – and perhaps spinners as well – don’t need physical rest in the way that fast bowlers do. We therefore see little point in resting them from a particular match. However, we do think that they can occasionally benefit from skipping a tour or series in order to retain their enthusiasm.
If that sounds unduly soft, let us explain. It’s not about how the poor millionaires are suffering. It’s more to do with top level sport being about incredibly fine margins and how enthusiasm can ensure that a player fully engages with practice and preparation and all that crap. If you want a batsman at his best for a particular Test series, enthusiasm is one of the ingredients you need and if you’ve eroded that by picking him for a seven-match one-day international series, you’ll have to settle for him performing at 90 per cent or whatever.
But that isn’t really the issue that’s raised by Chappell’s comments. What bothers us is the imbalance. If fast bowlers need resting more than batsmen, you’re forever pitting one nation’s very best batsmen against ‘some of the better bowlers’ from another country.
We suppose this comes back to that question of whether Test cricket should be about identifying the best team or the best squad. Part of us is fine with modern cricket being about having a great stack of bowlers to pick from. It’s a decent measure of a nation’s strength and it’s the same for everyone. However, another part of us thinks it should be about trying to put together a McGrath, Gillespie, Lee and Warne or a Roberts, Holding, Croft and Garner.
Those sorts of attacks test the best batsmen in a way that ‘the best options currently available considering we’ve got half an eye on the next match as well’ don’t and it therefore feels like something is missing from the game at the top level as a consequence.
England Matters
The Great Jack Morgan has been glued to the internet
Have you been following the (England) Lions tour of Oz? I have been trying to but i) the coverage has been almost non-existent in this country; and ii) it has been such a dismal experience that point (i) is almost understandable. In the first tour match, Victoria picked a strongish looking side that included the likes of Quiney, C Rogers, D Hussey, C White, Hastings and D Pattinson, but they won so easily (Lions 225-8, G Ballance 86; Victoria 227-2, C Overton 2-30) that they left out all those blokes for the next game. However, the unknowns of the Victorian XI won almost as easily (Lions 335-4, V Chopra 115, J Taylor 102, B Foakes 53; Victoria XI 336-6, M Coles 2-58). TSRJ (5-0-30-0) made his only appearance in this one, so I am assuming he is injured. In the last of the warm ups, it was mainly unknowns strengthened by Quiney and White and Victoria won with ridiculous ease (Lions 173, G Ballance 57; Victoria 174-2, S Kerrigan 1-31).
So to the first ODI v Aus A, who picked only three blokes of whom I had heard, but they won so easily they had blokes retiring (Lions 259-6, V Chopra 105, B Foakes 56; Australia A 260-3, C Wright 1-39). In ODI 2, the Lions thought they would put the Aussies in for a change but it made no difference of course: they still lost by a huge margin (Australia A 315-7, R Clarke 4-55; Lions 193, J Taylor 79). Perhaps they will change the name from Lions to Pussycats?
There seems to have been a feeling in recent years that everything in the England cricket garden is rosy, so it must be something of a shock for the powers that be to find that the England stiffs and juniors are so useless: perhaps we have not got things right after all.
The day after I complained about the lack of news about the Pussies, I saw the first news item about the tour and it was not good. Apparently, M Coles and B Stokes have been sent home for "ignoring the instructions given to them around the match preparation and recovery". Does this mean they were out on the piss? Dunno, but at least they have an excuse: all the others who presumably were following “the instructions given to them etc” were also crap, but have no excuses!
There is no end to the bad news from SA and Oz. The juniors were thumped out of sight again: England 210-8; SA 211-1 and Middlesex do not even have anyone good enough to get in the squad! Meanwhile, the England Pussies were also thrashed out of sight: AA 256-6 (S Kerrigan 2-27); Lions 143 (J Taylor 78*). TSRJ returned for this one, had figures of 10-0-57-1 and made 15, the third highest score. This is just embarrassing. Middlesex have a young bowler called Gurjit Singh Sandhu, who has had a few first team games and although I knew that the GS Sandhu in the AA team for this one could not be him, I had to look him up to make sure and, of course, it wasn't!
Another day, another hammering for the Pussies, but they might have been slightly unlucky in this one. AA 285-8 with Toby the best of the bowlers with 3-58; A Voges played in this one and made 81. Lions 240-9 (after 47overs), but all out because G Ballance, going well on 73, was hit on the head, had to retire hurt and never returned. V Chopra made 41 and TSRJ was next best with 24.
Hedgcock Matters
It is always good to hear from our Antipodean in London, Murray Hedgcock, who sent me this
Thank you as usual for Googlies and Chinamen, which always entertains, while often leaving me to scratch my Colonial head at the strange world of English club cricket.
Your latest issue was especially stimulating with Paddy Carlin’s report questioning the expansion of both the SCG and Adelaide Oval, given the decline in cricket crowds. English visitors in Summer may miss the point that most big Australian grounds host a football code in Winter – the SCG is home to the Sydney Swans (Aussie Rules), and has of course staged much rugby (union and league) over the decades. The “other” MCC has 102,000 members – and a waiting list of 225,000, primarily because of the opportunity to see sport round the year. Five clubs in the Australian Football League (the national competition) are based at the MCG, so members can see club fixtures, and most of the finals. The Sydney ground is of course a bit titchy; current work will increase its capacity to just 48,000, which is probably a reasonable investment. The Adelaide redevelopment – a sad scar on a once-lovely ground – stems from the wish to establish a central stadium for Australian Football (Adelaide’s grounds are spread round the suburbs). It will seat 50,000.
Match Reports
The Great Jack Morgan delves into his archive to report on more memorable matches
Middlesex were having a fairly ordinary season in 2005, but they enjoyed a pleasant mid-season sojourn at the Walker Cricket Ground at Southgate. It was an obvious choice for Glamorgan captain and former England off-spinner Robert Croft to bat first on the featherbed pitch prepared for the Division One Championship match on 15 June. Australian Test opener Matt Elliott looked good before he was run out for 59 off 97 balls with 8 fours out of an opening stand of 99 with Dan Cherry. Then ex-England A man David Hemp also impressed in a stand of 175 for the second wicket with Cherry before he fell for an excellent 103 off 97 balls with 18 fours and a six. Then it was the turn of Jonathan Hughes to share a big stand with Cherry as the pair put on a massive 241 for the third wicket before Cherry finally departed for 226 (his maiden first class century) off 349 balls with 32 fours and 2 sixes. Hughes continued to his maiden first class hundred before Croft finally put the nine Middlesex bowlers out of their misery by declaring at 584 for 3 off 133 overs with Hughes on 134* off 212 balls with 19 fours.
However, Middlesex also found the conditions to their taste with Ed Smith (92 off 119 balls with 13 fours) leading the way. He shared a second wicket stand of 101 with Owais Shah (49 off 96 balls with 7 fours) before they both departed to leave the stage clear for some more brilliant batting from Ed Joyce and Scott Styris (85 off 118 balls with 3 fours and 4 sixes) in a stand of 235 for the fourth wicket. Joyce carried on to a splendid 155* off 188 balls with 23 fours and 3 sixes before skipper Ben Hutton declared as soon as the follow on had been avoided on 435 for 4 off 95.3 overs.
The visitors made a comparatively poor start to their second innings at 66 for 3, but then another unbeaten century from Hughes (100* off 121 balls with 12 fours) in an unfinished partnership of 190* with Indian Test captain Saurav Ganguly (84* off 118 balls with 9 fours) allowed Croft to set Middx a target of 408 to win in 80 overs. Alan Richardson had figures of 3 for 24 in the Glamorgan second innings and these were the only respectable bowling figures of the whole match.
Smith got off to a great start by hitting 4 fours in the first over, but Hutton was hit in the chest by England ODI man Alex Wharf and had to retire with the score on 24-0. However, this allowed the biggest stand of the match to develop between Smith and Shah and it was this partnership which swung the match in favour of the home team. When Smithy finally departed for a terrific 144 (his first century for the club) off 171 balls with 20 fours, the first wicket stand had been worth 288 (including Hutton's modest contribution) and it had been 478 runs since the last wicket had fallen. Joyce was the perfect replacement for Smith and despite losing Shah (for a brilliant 155 off 202 balls with 12 fours and 2 sixes) after a rapid stand of 92, he was able to lead Middx home with 6 wickets and 13 balls in hand as he finished on 70* off 61 balls with 9 fours and a six and became the first batsman to reach 1,000 runs for the season.
Middlesex took 20 points and Glamorgan 6, but it was only Middlesex's second Championship win of the season. Only 14 wickets fell in the match while 1,683 runs were scored and the average of 120.21 runs per wicket was a record for the Championship and for any first class match that produced a positive result; it was also the fourth highest of any match ever in the world and the second highest in this country, beaten only by the Cambridge University v West Indians match in 1950, which, of course, we all remember well. In case you were wondering whatever happened to the careers of Hughes (234 runs in the match without being dismissed) and Cherry (242 runs in the match), I can tell you that Hughes was released at the end of the 2005 season with a career average of 23.57, while Cherry was released two years later with a career average of 26.05. Glamorgan finished bottom of the table with a spectacular fourteen losses from 16 matches and were deservedly relegated.
Ben Hutton won the toss and chose to bat first in the 45 overs National League Division One match against Nottinghamshire at Southgate on June 19 and openers Paul Weekes and Ed Smith (31 off 33 balls) got Middlesex off to a good start with a stand of 64. Owais Shah helped Weekes to add 76 for the second wicket, then Weekes and Scott Styris added another 52 for the third before Weekes fell for a glorious 106 off 106 balls with 14 fours and 2 sixes. Styris continued in the same vein, adding 63 for the fifth wicket with Ed Joyce before departing for a thrilling 82 off 64 balls with 4 fours and 3 sixes. Joyce actually managed to increase the scoring rate with a sparkling 41* off 18 balls with 4 fours and 2 sixes until the innings closed on 314 for 5; Ed had hit 16 (6,6,4) off the last three balls of the innings as Middlesex passed 300 for the first time in the league that season.
The Notts openers ex-Surrey batsman Darren Bicknell and ex-Northants allrounder Graeme Swann (capped once in an ODI at Bloemfontein in 2000) made a lively start, but they had slumped to 86 for 4 when 20 year old Samit Patel from Leicester arrived at the crease to join David Hussey from Perth WA, who hit 39 off 52 balls and this pair added 73 for the fifth wicket. Hussey's departure brought Test match keeper Chris Read to the wicket and he proved an excellent ally for Patel as the pair added a quick 72 for the sixth wicket before Patel fell for an impressive 82 off 79 balls with 5 fours and 2 sixes. Read (45 off 36 balls with 5 fours and a six) maintained the asking rate, but when he was out at 252 for 7, the outcome was becoming clear. Former Test and Kent allrounder Mark Ealham (26 off 18 balls) tried to prevent the inevitable, but Notts were all out for 283 in the 45th over and Middlesex had won by 31 runs. Middlesex had a good season in the league, finishing second behind Essex: they were well clear of Northants in third place, but it has to be admitted that Essex were way out in front.
Hampshire skipper Shane Warne, from Upper Ferntree Gully, Victoria, won the toss and chose to bat in the County Championship Division One match on 8 July at what Gideon Haigh in his book On Warne calls "the picturesque little Walker's Oval at Southgate". However the wicket was nothing like as placid as that for the recent game against Glamorgan and Hants soon sank to 61 for 4. Ex-Lancashire and England batsman John Crawley led a recovery and, getting some support from South African keeper Nic Pothas and Zimbabwean allrounder Sean Irvine (both with European passports), managed to take the score up to an inadequate 189 for 7 with a classy 62 from 85 balls with 6 fours. Then, however, captain Warne strode to the crease at no 9 determined to change the complexion of the game and this he achieved quite quickly, firstly in a stand of 100 with Dimitri Mascarenhas (39), brought up in Australia, but born in Hammersmith and then in a partnership of 53 with Hampshire's own Shaun Udal, whose grandfather had played for Middlesex in 1932. Warney finished with a fantastic 101 off 82 balls with 12 fours and 3 sixes as he completed the second first class century of his career, the first having come earlier in the season at Canterbury. Shane had taken the total up to 355 all out and had ruined the figures of several home bowlers, the best of whom were Scott Styris 3 for 61, Mel Betts 3 for 62 and Chris Peploe 3 for 85.
Middlesex batted with some determination and credit goes to skipper Ben Hutton for a fairly dogged, but valuable 42, Ed Joyce for a more entertaining 54 off 93 balls with 6 fours and Jamie Dalrymple, who followed Hutton's example with a praiseworthy 62 off 129 balls with 5 fours and a six. Nevertheless, Middlesex finished 83 adrift on first innings and the performances of Udal (3 for 18) and Mascarenhas (3 for 38) stood out for the visitors. Zimbabwean Greg Lamb was the mainstay of the Hants second innings with a solid 51 off 105 balls with 8 fours, but wickets fell regularly at the other end to the Middlesex spin twins Dalrymple, who had not been invited to bowl in the first innings but who now took 4 for 53 and Peploe (3 for 77). Only Mascarenhas (35) contributed more than 19 as Hants were dismissed for a disappointing 192, but this left Middlesex a challenging target of 278 against the mighty Warne on a track that was taking spin.
Ed Smith and Owais Shah put Middlesex in with a chance with a second wicket stand of 94, both made 60, but these were innings of contrasting styles as Owais was able to lash his 60 in an hour with 10 fours and 2 sixes, while Ed followed in the painstaking style of Hutton, Dalrymple and Lamb and took more than twice as long for his 60 off 121 balls with 6 fours. Joyce looked good again before he was run out for 35 while Dalrymple and Paul Weekes added an extremely valuable 56 for the seventh wicket. It was incredibly tense right up to the end when Weekesy (39*) pulled a long hop from Warne to the mid wicket boundary just before lunch on day 4 and Middlesex had won by two wickets. Udal took 3 for 60 for Hants, but the big problem for the visitors was the extremely disappointing performance of their captain and star spinner who bowled as badly as anyone had ever seen him to take 2 for 108 (4 for 165 in the match) when he should have bowled his team to victory. The other spinners in the match (Dalrymple 4 for 53, Peploe 6 for 162, Udal 6 for 78 and Lamb 2 for 30) should not have been able to outshine the master, so something was seriously wrong.
Haigh says that Warne was in "no sort of form" and that "he was unable to bowl a bunch of Middlesex no-names out" and then explains how Warne analysed and corrected the problem before the Ashes series started. The only thing to disagree with here is his description of Middlesex's talented collection of Test, ODI and A Team internationals (only two of the eleven had not received an international call-up) as "no-names". Middlesex took 19 points and Hants 7, but the visitors had a far more successful season in the Championship: they finished second with 9 wins in 16 games and were only 2.5 points behind champions Notts. Middlesex's two wins at Southgate comprised 50% of their Championship wins in the whole season, they finished sixth, only stayed up by one point and would have been relegated if Surrey had not had points deducted for ball tampering. There were many injuries amongst the Middlesex bowlers so it was no surprise that the bowling was particularly variable and only Richardson (57 wickets at 25.23) showed the necessary consistency, though Styris (31 wickets at 23.55) actually topped the averages; the only other bowler with an average under 36 was Stuart Clark (15 wickets at 27.47) who played in only four matches. The batting was better, but still inconsistent at times: Shah (1650 runs at 63.46) and Joyce (1668 runs at 61.78) both had magnificent seasons, while Weekes (842 runs at 44.32) and Smith (1228 runs at 40.93) also did well. Irfan Pathan averaged 63 (he was out only twice in his three matches) but this did not really compensate (as he was signed mainly as a bowler) for his bowling average, which was slightly higher at 64.8.
Wisden Five
I travelled to Sheffield for lunch with the Professor to discuss this critical matter. He subsequently sent me this
We have tried over the years (with variable degrees of success) to guess the “Five Cricketers of the Year” chosen by the Editor in the Wisden Almanack. The principal difficulties of doing so, apart from remembering what happened last year - or yesterday come to that – are that there are very few “rules” and that the task is not to name the five that you would like but the five that the Editor might pick. So, for example, several years’ ago I was all for naming Clare Connor in the list but it was not until 2009 that a woman was included for the first time.
The “rules” are:
1.There are five. Except, of course, in 2011, when one of the then Editor’s selection was rejected and he declined to name a replacement and seemingly, as a result, got the sack.
2.The selection is based “primarily but not exclusively, on the players’ influence on the previous English season”.
3.You can’t win it twice.
Players in the visiting Test side(s) tend to feature quite often as well, of course, as England cricketers together with county cricketers who have had an exceptional year. The Great Jack Morgan thinks the award should only go to Middlesex players but it appears that his advice to the Editor, in this regard, has heretofore gone unheeded.
2012 saw visits from the West Indies and South Africa and a number of prominent players in both sides have yet to be in the Wisden 5. Some new England caps were awarded and there were some notable County Championship performances.
This is, of course, a mug’s game but here are my five…with my justifications:
Amla. A fantastic year, a not out 300 at the Oval. A “shoo in”.
Compton. High scoring domestic season earning a call-up to the Test side in India.
Steyn. He didn’t take shed-loads of wickets in a very short series (only one “5-fer”) but such a high class performer and a little surprising that he hasn’t won it before.
Kallis. Even more surprising that he hasn’t been in the list. Unless my Wisden has a misprint (and there are people who look for such things) I don’t think he has. Again only one big innings in the short Test series but a dominant presence.
Samuels. Chanderpaul got runs in the first Test but he already has the award and a case could be made for Sammy (a hundred in the second Test and the captain of an albeit well-beaten team). But Samuels seemed to the hold the stage, with bat and ball, as much as any West Indian did…of course it could go to Tino for his 95.
So, there are my five…if three come in I will count it as a result.
Big Bash Matters
The Professor sent me this
The "Big Bash" is equally dire but for the opposite reason - have you seen the cameras that the umpires have mounted on their caps (look like miners lamps) and the stumps have some chemical (presumably) that makes them fluoresce when they are hit - they pulse off and on and the bails fly off like sparks from a bonfire. Its all very tasteful and I really think they must give that a go at Headquarters.
Wallis Matters
Peter Burke sent me this
Dreadfully sorry to hear of Don's passing - he was a great character and we had some fun times when South Hampstead used to roll the Bush over in the 60's and 70's! Cost us young lads a fortune in the bar! He had mellowed when we used to meet a few years ago in the Bowlers Bar at Lords, but still as rude and sarcastic as ever!
And Arthur Gates sent me this
I first met Don when I broke into the Bush first XI along with Dave Jukes, Peter Minor and Graham Marchant and our third or fourth game was against South Hampstead. Don arrived at the Bush as if he owned the place and soon put these youngsters in their place. A booming voice allied to his physique set him apart from the other members of the South Hampstead side who we only knew by reputation, Bob Peach, Terry Cordaroy, Bill Hart, Len and Harry Stuubbs. True to form he was soon playing mind games and we were crushed for our first defeat of the season. Even though he wasn’t everybody’s cup of tea I got on well with him and I was very sorry to hear of his passing.
Charlie Pucket added
My only experience of Don Wallis on the cricket field was in the far-off days of my youth when Hounslow played at South Hampstead in August or September 1973 (whichever, it was the weekend before another of SHCC's appearances in the Middlesex Cup Final). Hounslow had the effrontery to bat first, which had not impressed Don, and were comfortably placed with opening batsman Glyn Evans 74 not out.
At this point it is important to explain that Glyn is a South African and was then an official at the South African Embassy - how he got that job has always amazed me because both he and his wife were passionately opposed to apartheid but it was the only way that two young graduates were ever going to be able to afford to travel in those days. Had things been different in South Africa, Glyn would have been a Springbok Hockey International (that honour fell to his two boys with 5 Olympics between them) and he turned down the opportunity of playing cricket for Northern Transvaal when he returned from his tour of duty.
Anyway, not for the first time, I digress. Don was now showing considerable displeasure at the failure of Ian Jerman and Ossie Burton to despatch these upstarts from West London and snatched the ball out of Ian’s hands with the immortal line, “Give it to me. I’ll show you how to do it” (or words to that effect).
Did I mention that Mikey and Alf Langley were behind the sticks and at first slip? Well, they were.
Glyn hit Don’s only over for 26 to take him to his hundred and, years later, by his swimming pool in Jo’burg, Glyn was reminiscing about that day. The reason it stuck in his memory was because, given his job and the sporting arrangements in his home country, it was the first time he had ever played cricket with two black men encouraging him to see if he could hit the next delivery harder and further! I think it must have been about the time Mikey and Alf left for Shepherds Bush.
Paedophile Matters
The Professor sent me this
You will be saddened to learn that the Barmy Army has run into some problems. Their finances have been hit by two debtors going into liquidation (both Australian firms I was told). Since they are determinedly anti-commercial they have little in the way of reserves to carry them through. And then there is the "Jimmy" problem. It seems that to have as the face of the organisation someone who appears to imitate a late and notorious paedophile might not be what I think marketing people might refer to as an optimal positioning strategy. So the upshot is a smaller Army than usual (more a platoon really) and no Jimmy. Still don't write them off too soon. They will regroup and reintegrate and, just like KP, they'll be back.
Marital Matters
CMJ reported a conversation with his wife Judy recently, apropos his MBE and MCC Presidency, "I asked my wife not so long ago, 'Did you ever imagine in your wildest dreams, I'd achieve all that?' 'To tell you the truth, darling,' she replied, 'I'm not sure you've ever appeared in my wildest dreams'."
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An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 123
March 2013
Pre–season Quiz
Which of the following do not have contracts with Surrey for the coming season?
Mark Ramprakesh
Murali Kartik
Gareth Batty
Graham Gooch
Chris Adams
Ricky Ponting
Jonathan Batty
Inziman-ul-Haq
Vikram Solanki
Matthew Maynard
Zander de Bruyn
Paddy Carlin
Jacques Rudolph
Mark Butcher
Jimmy Adams
Graeme Smith
Freddie van de Bergh
Tim Murtagh
Kevin Pietersen
Henry Blofeld
Steven Davies
Jon Lewis
Gary Keedy
Owais Shah
Chris Tremlett
Dirk Nannes
Arun Harinath
Stuart Barnes
Martin Bicknell
Rory Hamilton-Brown
Rory Burns
Out and About with the Professor
The literary associations of Stoke Poges will be instantly recognised by all Googlies readers and doubtless some will be aware of its sporting associations. I was in this part of Buckinghamshire to attend a splendid wedding and was able to pop into the town (or is it a village?) to pay homage to the poet Gray in the churchyard he made famous in his Elegy. It is, in truth, a modest church but it was a pleasant day and worth the look and I fell into conversation with one of the locals. He was a fund of knowledge about the area and the Elegy and particularly about the nearby Stoke Park a late 18th/early 19th century pile which is now (and has been for over a hundred years) a country house hotel. It has a famous golf course on which famous golfers have played including, so I was told, Goldfinger in the James Bond film. The course was established by a previous owner of the house called “Pa” Jackson who was apparently “mad keen on sport” and was involved in founding the Corinthians football team, and had something or other to do with the establishment of lawn tennis on its modern lines. He was also often to be seen at Lord’s.
The mention of Headquarters rather caught my ear and I asked about cricket in the area. The best-known local side is Farnham Royal who play in the Home Counties league but apparently cricket was played at Stoke Park up until the golf course was built which seems like a very poor substitution to me. The Stoke Park estate is very large and I asked if cricket was stilled played on some part of it but my man thought not. He did however have one or two views about cricket and I’m afraid your correspondent plunged rather than tiptoed into some very deep water. I suppose there are still people about who think that the standard of cricket played these days is inferior to the past, indeed there must be… because here was one. Bowlers are rubbish, batsmen can only play because they go out in suits of armour, even fielding (which most concede is beyond the dreams of earlier generations) is only characterised by players diving all over the place. How can people hold these views and actually see what they see? How can anyone describe Kemar Roach’s catch in the recent ODI as “diving all over the place”? Diving, to be sure, but to stunning effect. How could you dismiss Finn’s recent spell as rubbish? (Easy, of course, the New Zealand batsmen were more rubbish/rubbishier/rubbishist…and so on). What of Dhoni’s double hundred? Rubbish bowling of course. I have met some people with robust traditional opinions here in Yorkshire but this particular sub-set of the Home Counties outdid them all. I thought it best not to ask his views about coloured clothing, day-nighters, scoop shots, Go-Go dancers and the rest, since I didn’t need to.
I think my new-found friend sensed that I might not agree with him, most especially when he asked me directly and I said I thought he was talking bollocks. He thought that not an appropriate word to use in church (apparently god doesn’t care for swearing…only for cricket bigots) and so I took my leave and went back into the famous churchyard.
Thomas Gray avoided the madding crowd by sitting there and contemplating “the sun upon the upland lawn” and the “rude forefathers of the hamlet” asleep in their graves. Well the forefathers might be asleep but the progeny are awake and complaining.
I asked my man, by the way, if he watched lots of cricket matches.
“Oh, I don’t go to cricket any more”
“Why not?”
“It’s rubbish!”
Resting Matters
I regularly gripe about professional sportsmen constantly needing to rest. King Cricket took up my theme
There’s an interview with Ian Chappell over at The Guardian in which he expounds on rest and rotation: “I can understand that you’ve got to give the fast bowlers a breather every now and then, but to rest batsmen is bollocks.”
Broadly speaking, we agree with this and we think it highlights our main issue with the fixture list and the necessity for rest. However, first we’ll nitpick.
In general, batsmen – and perhaps spinners as well – don’t need physical rest in the way that fast bowlers do. We therefore see little point in resting them from a particular match. However, we do think that they can occasionally benefit from skipping a tour or series in order to retain their enthusiasm.
If that sounds unduly soft, let us explain. It’s not about how the poor millionaires are suffering. It’s more to do with top level sport being about incredibly fine margins and how enthusiasm can ensure that a player fully engages with practice and preparation and all that crap. If you want a batsman at his best for a particular Test series, enthusiasm is one of the ingredients you need and if you’ve eroded that by picking him for a seven-match one-day international series, you’ll have to settle for him performing at 90 per cent or whatever.
But that isn’t really the issue that’s raised by Chappell’s comments. What bothers us is the imbalance. If fast bowlers need resting more than batsmen, you’re forever pitting one nation’s very best batsmen against ‘some of the better bowlers’ from another country.
We suppose this comes back to that question of whether Test cricket should be about identifying the best team or the best squad. Part of us is fine with modern cricket being about having a great stack of bowlers to pick from. It’s a decent measure of a nation’s strength and it’s the same for everyone. However, another part of us thinks it should be about trying to put together a McGrath, Gillespie, Lee and Warne or a Roberts, Holding, Croft and Garner.
Those sorts of attacks test the best batsmen in a way that ‘the best options currently available considering we’ve got half an eye on the next match as well’ don’t and it therefore feels like something is missing from the game at the top level as a consequence.
England Matters
The Great Jack Morgan has been glued to the internet
Have you been following the (England) Lions tour of Oz? I have been trying to but i) the coverage has been almost non-existent in this country; and ii) it has been such a dismal experience that point (i) is almost understandable. In the first tour match, Victoria picked a strongish looking side that included the likes of Quiney, C Rogers, D Hussey, C White, Hastings and D Pattinson, but they won so easily (Lions 225-8, G Ballance 86; Victoria 227-2, C Overton 2-30) that they left out all those blokes for the next game. However, the unknowns of the Victorian XI won almost as easily (Lions 335-4, V Chopra 115, J Taylor 102, B Foakes 53; Victoria XI 336-6, M Coles 2-58). TSRJ (5-0-30-0) made his only appearance in this one, so I am assuming he is injured. In the last of the warm ups, it was mainly unknowns strengthened by Quiney and White and Victoria won with ridiculous ease (Lions 173, G Ballance 57; Victoria 174-2, S Kerrigan 1-31).
So to the first ODI v Aus A, who picked only three blokes of whom I had heard, but they won so easily they had blokes retiring (Lions 259-6, V Chopra 105, B Foakes 56; Australia A 260-3, C Wright 1-39). In ODI 2, the Lions thought they would put the Aussies in for a change but it made no difference of course: they still lost by a huge margin (Australia A 315-7, R Clarke 4-55; Lions 193, J Taylor 79). Perhaps they will change the name from Lions to Pussycats?
There seems to have been a feeling in recent years that everything in the England cricket garden is rosy, so it must be something of a shock for the powers that be to find that the England stiffs and juniors are so useless: perhaps we have not got things right after all.
The day after I complained about the lack of news about the Pussies, I saw the first news item about the tour and it was not good. Apparently, M Coles and B Stokes have been sent home for "ignoring the instructions given to them around the match preparation and recovery". Does this mean they were out on the piss? Dunno, but at least they have an excuse: all the others who presumably were following “the instructions given to them etc” were also crap, but have no excuses!
There is no end to the bad news from SA and Oz. The juniors were thumped out of sight again: England 210-8; SA 211-1 and Middlesex do not even have anyone good enough to get in the squad! Meanwhile, the England Pussies were also thrashed out of sight: AA 256-6 (S Kerrigan 2-27); Lions 143 (J Taylor 78*). TSRJ returned for this one, had figures of 10-0-57-1 and made 15, the third highest score. This is just embarrassing. Middlesex have a young bowler called Gurjit Singh Sandhu, who has had a few first team games and although I knew that the GS Sandhu in the AA team for this one could not be him, I had to look him up to make sure and, of course, it wasn't!
Another day, another hammering for the Pussies, but they might have been slightly unlucky in this one. AA 285-8 with Toby the best of the bowlers with 3-58; A Voges played in this one and made 81. Lions 240-9 (after 47overs), but all out because G Ballance, going well on 73, was hit on the head, had to retire hurt and never returned. V Chopra made 41 and TSRJ was next best with 24.
Hedgcock Matters
It is always good to hear from our Antipodean in London, Murray Hedgcock, who sent me this
Thank you as usual for Googlies and Chinamen, which always entertains, while often leaving me to scratch my Colonial head at the strange world of English club cricket.
Your latest issue was especially stimulating with Paddy Carlin’s report questioning the expansion of both the SCG and Adelaide Oval, given the decline in cricket crowds. English visitors in Summer may miss the point that most big Australian grounds host a football code in Winter – the SCG is home to the Sydney Swans (Aussie Rules), and has of course staged much rugby (union and league) over the decades. The “other” MCC has 102,000 members – and a waiting list of 225,000, primarily because of the opportunity to see sport round the year. Five clubs in the Australian Football League (the national competition) are based at the MCG, so members can see club fixtures, and most of the finals. The Sydney ground is of course a bit titchy; current work will increase its capacity to just 48,000, which is probably a reasonable investment. The Adelaide redevelopment – a sad scar on a once-lovely ground – stems from the wish to establish a central stadium for Australian Football (Adelaide’s grounds are spread round the suburbs). It will seat 50,000.
Match Reports
The Great Jack Morgan delves into his archive to report on more memorable matches
Middlesex were having a fairly ordinary season in 2005, but they enjoyed a pleasant mid-season sojourn at the Walker Cricket Ground at Southgate. It was an obvious choice for Glamorgan captain and former England off-spinner Robert Croft to bat first on the featherbed pitch prepared for the Division One Championship match on 15 June. Australian Test opener Matt Elliott looked good before he was run out for 59 off 97 balls with 8 fours out of an opening stand of 99 with Dan Cherry. Then ex-England A man David Hemp also impressed in a stand of 175 for the second wicket with Cherry before he fell for an excellent 103 off 97 balls with 18 fours and a six. Then it was the turn of Jonathan Hughes to share a big stand with Cherry as the pair put on a massive 241 for the third wicket before Cherry finally departed for 226 (his maiden first class century) off 349 balls with 32 fours and 2 sixes. Hughes continued to his maiden first class hundred before Croft finally put the nine Middlesex bowlers out of their misery by declaring at 584 for 3 off 133 overs with Hughes on 134* off 212 balls with 19 fours.
However, Middlesex also found the conditions to their taste with Ed Smith (92 off 119 balls with 13 fours) leading the way. He shared a second wicket stand of 101 with Owais Shah (49 off 96 balls with 7 fours) before they both departed to leave the stage clear for some more brilliant batting from Ed Joyce and Scott Styris (85 off 118 balls with 3 fours and 4 sixes) in a stand of 235 for the fourth wicket. Joyce carried on to a splendid 155* off 188 balls with 23 fours and 3 sixes before skipper Ben Hutton declared as soon as the follow on had been avoided on 435 for 4 off 95.3 overs.
The visitors made a comparatively poor start to their second innings at 66 for 3, but then another unbeaten century from Hughes (100* off 121 balls with 12 fours) in an unfinished partnership of 190* with Indian Test captain Saurav Ganguly (84* off 118 balls with 9 fours) allowed Croft to set Middx a target of 408 to win in 80 overs. Alan Richardson had figures of 3 for 24 in the Glamorgan second innings and these were the only respectable bowling figures of the whole match.
Smith got off to a great start by hitting 4 fours in the first over, but Hutton was hit in the chest by England ODI man Alex Wharf and had to retire with the score on 24-0. However, this allowed the biggest stand of the match to develop between Smith and Shah and it was this partnership which swung the match in favour of the home team. When Smithy finally departed for a terrific 144 (his first century for the club) off 171 balls with 20 fours, the first wicket stand had been worth 288 (including Hutton's modest contribution) and it had been 478 runs since the last wicket had fallen. Joyce was the perfect replacement for Smith and despite losing Shah (for a brilliant 155 off 202 balls with 12 fours and 2 sixes) after a rapid stand of 92, he was able to lead Middx home with 6 wickets and 13 balls in hand as he finished on 70* off 61 balls with 9 fours and a six and became the first batsman to reach 1,000 runs for the season.
Middlesex took 20 points and Glamorgan 6, but it was only Middlesex's second Championship win of the season. Only 14 wickets fell in the match while 1,683 runs were scored and the average of 120.21 runs per wicket was a record for the Championship and for any first class match that produced a positive result; it was also the fourth highest of any match ever in the world and the second highest in this country, beaten only by the Cambridge University v West Indians match in 1950, which, of course, we all remember well. In case you were wondering whatever happened to the careers of Hughes (234 runs in the match without being dismissed) and Cherry (242 runs in the match), I can tell you that Hughes was released at the end of the 2005 season with a career average of 23.57, while Cherry was released two years later with a career average of 26.05. Glamorgan finished bottom of the table with a spectacular fourteen losses from 16 matches and were deservedly relegated.
Ben Hutton won the toss and chose to bat first in the 45 overs National League Division One match against Nottinghamshire at Southgate on June 19 and openers Paul Weekes and Ed Smith (31 off 33 balls) got Middlesex off to a good start with a stand of 64. Owais Shah helped Weekes to add 76 for the second wicket, then Weekes and Scott Styris added another 52 for the third before Weekes fell for a glorious 106 off 106 balls with 14 fours and 2 sixes. Styris continued in the same vein, adding 63 for the fifth wicket with Ed Joyce before departing for a thrilling 82 off 64 balls with 4 fours and 3 sixes. Joyce actually managed to increase the scoring rate with a sparkling 41* off 18 balls with 4 fours and 2 sixes until the innings closed on 314 for 5; Ed had hit 16 (6,6,4) off the last three balls of the innings as Middlesex passed 300 for the first time in the league that season.
The Notts openers ex-Surrey batsman Darren Bicknell and ex-Northants allrounder Graeme Swann (capped once in an ODI at Bloemfontein in 2000) made a lively start, but they had slumped to 86 for 4 when 20 year old Samit Patel from Leicester arrived at the crease to join David Hussey from Perth WA, who hit 39 off 52 balls and this pair added 73 for the fifth wicket. Hussey's departure brought Test match keeper Chris Read to the wicket and he proved an excellent ally for Patel as the pair added a quick 72 for the sixth wicket before Patel fell for an impressive 82 off 79 balls with 5 fours and 2 sixes. Read (45 off 36 balls with 5 fours and a six) maintained the asking rate, but when he was out at 252 for 7, the outcome was becoming clear. Former Test and Kent allrounder Mark Ealham (26 off 18 balls) tried to prevent the inevitable, but Notts were all out for 283 in the 45th over and Middlesex had won by 31 runs. Middlesex had a good season in the league, finishing second behind Essex: they were well clear of Northants in third place, but it has to be admitted that Essex were way out in front.
Hampshire skipper Shane Warne, from Upper Ferntree Gully, Victoria, won the toss and chose to bat in the County Championship Division One match on 8 July at what Gideon Haigh in his book On Warne calls "the picturesque little Walker's Oval at Southgate". However the wicket was nothing like as placid as that for the recent game against Glamorgan and Hants soon sank to 61 for 4. Ex-Lancashire and England batsman John Crawley led a recovery and, getting some support from South African keeper Nic Pothas and Zimbabwean allrounder Sean Irvine (both with European passports), managed to take the score up to an inadequate 189 for 7 with a classy 62 from 85 balls with 6 fours. Then, however, captain Warne strode to the crease at no 9 determined to change the complexion of the game and this he achieved quite quickly, firstly in a stand of 100 with Dimitri Mascarenhas (39), brought up in Australia, but born in Hammersmith and then in a partnership of 53 with Hampshire's own Shaun Udal, whose grandfather had played for Middlesex in 1932. Warney finished with a fantastic 101 off 82 balls with 12 fours and 3 sixes as he completed the second first class century of his career, the first having come earlier in the season at Canterbury. Shane had taken the total up to 355 all out and had ruined the figures of several home bowlers, the best of whom were Scott Styris 3 for 61, Mel Betts 3 for 62 and Chris Peploe 3 for 85.
Middlesex batted with some determination and credit goes to skipper Ben Hutton for a fairly dogged, but valuable 42, Ed Joyce for a more entertaining 54 off 93 balls with 6 fours and Jamie Dalrymple, who followed Hutton's example with a praiseworthy 62 off 129 balls with 5 fours and a six. Nevertheless, Middlesex finished 83 adrift on first innings and the performances of Udal (3 for 18) and Mascarenhas (3 for 38) stood out for the visitors. Zimbabwean Greg Lamb was the mainstay of the Hants second innings with a solid 51 off 105 balls with 8 fours, but wickets fell regularly at the other end to the Middlesex spin twins Dalrymple, who had not been invited to bowl in the first innings but who now took 4 for 53 and Peploe (3 for 77). Only Mascarenhas (35) contributed more than 19 as Hants were dismissed for a disappointing 192, but this left Middlesex a challenging target of 278 against the mighty Warne on a track that was taking spin.
Ed Smith and Owais Shah put Middlesex in with a chance with a second wicket stand of 94, both made 60, but these were innings of contrasting styles as Owais was able to lash his 60 in an hour with 10 fours and 2 sixes, while Ed followed in the painstaking style of Hutton, Dalrymple and Lamb and took more than twice as long for his 60 off 121 balls with 6 fours. Joyce looked good again before he was run out for 35 while Dalrymple and Paul Weekes added an extremely valuable 56 for the seventh wicket. It was incredibly tense right up to the end when Weekesy (39*) pulled a long hop from Warne to the mid wicket boundary just before lunch on day 4 and Middlesex had won by two wickets. Udal took 3 for 60 for Hants, but the big problem for the visitors was the extremely disappointing performance of their captain and star spinner who bowled as badly as anyone had ever seen him to take 2 for 108 (4 for 165 in the match) when he should have bowled his team to victory. The other spinners in the match (Dalrymple 4 for 53, Peploe 6 for 162, Udal 6 for 78 and Lamb 2 for 30) should not have been able to outshine the master, so something was seriously wrong.
Haigh says that Warne was in "no sort of form" and that "he was unable to bowl a bunch of Middlesex no-names out" and then explains how Warne analysed and corrected the problem before the Ashes series started. The only thing to disagree with here is his description of Middlesex's talented collection of Test, ODI and A Team internationals (only two of the eleven had not received an international call-up) as "no-names". Middlesex took 19 points and Hants 7, but the visitors had a far more successful season in the Championship: they finished second with 9 wins in 16 games and were only 2.5 points behind champions Notts. Middlesex's two wins at Southgate comprised 50% of their Championship wins in the whole season, they finished sixth, only stayed up by one point and would have been relegated if Surrey had not had points deducted for ball tampering. There were many injuries amongst the Middlesex bowlers so it was no surprise that the bowling was particularly variable and only Richardson (57 wickets at 25.23) showed the necessary consistency, though Styris (31 wickets at 23.55) actually topped the averages; the only other bowler with an average under 36 was Stuart Clark (15 wickets at 27.47) who played in only four matches. The batting was better, but still inconsistent at times: Shah (1650 runs at 63.46) and Joyce (1668 runs at 61.78) both had magnificent seasons, while Weekes (842 runs at 44.32) and Smith (1228 runs at 40.93) also did well. Irfan Pathan averaged 63 (he was out only twice in his three matches) but this did not really compensate (as he was signed mainly as a bowler) for his bowling average, which was slightly higher at 64.8.
Wisden Five
I travelled to Sheffield for lunch with the Professor to discuss this critical matter. He subsequently sent me this
We have tried over the years (with variable degrees of success) to guess the “Five Cricketers of the Year” chosen by the Editor in the Wisden Almanack. The principal difficulties of doing so, apart from remembering what happened last year - or yesterday come to that – are that there are very few “rules” and that the task is not to name the five that you would like but the five that the Editor might pick. So, for example, several years’ ago I was all for naming Clare Connor in the list but it was not until 2009 that a woman was included for the first time.
The “rules” are:
1.There are five. Except, of course, in 2011, when one of the then Editor’s selection was rejected and he declined to name a replacement and seemingly, as a result, got the sack.
2.The selection is based “primarily but not exclusively, on the players’ influence on the previous English season”.
3.You can’t win it twice.
Players in the visiting Test side(s) tend to feature quite often as well, of course, as England cricketers together with county cricketers who have had an exceptional year. The Great Jack Morgan thinks the award should only go to Middlesex players but it appears that his advice to the Editor, in this regard, has heretofore gone unheeded.
2012 saw visits from the West Indies and South Africa and a number of prominent players in both sides have yet to be in the Wisden 5. Some new England caps were awarded and there were some notable County Championship performances.
This is, of course, a mug’s game but here are my five…with my justifications:
Amla. A fantastic year, a not out 300 at the Oval. A “shoo in”.
Compton. High scoring domestic season earning a call-up to the Test side in India.
Steyn. He didn’t take shed-loads of wickets in a very short series (only one “5-fer”) but such a high class performer and a little surprising that he hasn’t won it before.
Kallis. Even more surprising that he hasn’t been in the list. Unless my Wisden has a misprint (and there are people who look for such things) I don’t think he has. Again only one big innings in the short Test series but a dominant presence.
Samuels. Chanderpaul got runs in the first Test but he already has the award and a case could be made for Sammy (a hundred in the second Test and the captain of an albeit well-beaten team). But Samuels seemed to the hold the stage, with bat and ball, as much as any West Indian did…of course it could go to Tino for his 95.
So, there are my five…if three come in I will count it as a result.
Big Bash Matters
The Professor sent me this
The "Big Bash" is equally dire but for the opposite reason - have you seen the cameras that the umpires have mounted on their caps (look like miners lamps) and the stumps have some chemical (presumably) that makes them fluoresce when they are hit - they pulse off and on and the bails fly off like sparks from a bonfire. Its all very tasteful and I really think they must give that a go at Headquarters.
Wallis Matters
Peter Burke sent me this
Dreadfully sorry to hear of Don's passing - he was a great character and we had some fun times when South Hampstead used to roll the Bush over in the 60's and 70's! Cost us young lads a fortune in the bar! He had mellowed when we used to meet a few years ago in the Bowlers Bar at Lords, but still as rude and sarcastic as ever!
And Arthur Gates sent me this
I first met Don when I broke into the Bush first XI along with Dave Jukes, Peter Minor and Graham Marchant and our third or fourth game was against South Hampstead. Don arrived at the Bush as if he owned the place and soon put these youngsters in their place. A booming voice allied to his physique set him apart from the other members of the South Hampstead side who we only knew by reputation, Bob Peach, Terry Cordaroy, Bill Hart, Len and Harry Stuubbs. True to form he was soon playing mind games and we were crushed for our first defeat of the season. Even though he wasn’t everybody’s cup of tea I got on well with him and I was very sorry to hear of his passing.
Charlie Pucket added
My only experience of Don Wallis on the cricket field was in the far-off days of my youth when Hounslow played at South Hampstead in August or September 1973 (whichever, it was the weekend before another of SHCC's appearances in the Middlesex Cup Final). Hounslow had the effrontery to bat first, which had not impressed Don, and were comfortably placed with opening batsman Glyn Evans 74 not out.
At this point it is important to explain that Glyn is a South African and was then an official at the South African Embassy - how he got that job has always amazed me because both he and his wife were passionately opposed to apartheid but it was the only way that two young graduates were ever going to be able to afford to travel in those days. Had things been different in South Africa, Glyn would have been a Springbok Hockey International (that honour fell to his two boys with 5 Olympics between them) and he turned down the opportunity of playing cricket for Northern Transvaal when he returned from his tour of duty.
Anyway, not for the first time, I digress. Don was now showing considerable displeasure at the failure of Ian Jerman and Ossie Burton to despatch these upstarts from West London and snatched the ball out of Ian’s hands with the immortal line, “Give it to me. I’ll show you how to do it” (or words to that effect).
Did I mention that Mikey and Alf Langley were behind the sticks and at first slip? Well, they were.
Glyn hit Don’s only over for 26 to take him to his hundred and, years later, by his swimming pool in Jo’burg, Glyn was reminiscing about that day. The reason it stuck in his memory was because, given his job and the sporting arrangements in his home country, it was the first time he had ever played cricket with two black men encouraging him to see if he could hit the next delivery harder and further! I think it must have been about the time Mikey and Alf left for Shepherds Bush.
Paedophile Matters
The Professor sent me this
You will be saddened to learn that the Barmy Army has run into some problems. Their finances have been hit by two debtors going into liquidation (both Australian firms I was told). Since they are determinedly anti-commercial they have little in the way of reserves to carry them through. And then there is the "Jimmy" problem. It seems that to have as the face of the organisation someone who appears to imitate a late and notorious paedophile might not be what I think marketing people might refer to as an optimal positioning strategy. So the upshot is a smaller Army than usual (more a platoon really) and no Jimmy. Still don't write them off too soon. They will regroup and reintegrate and, just like KP, they'll be back.
Marital Matters
CMJ reported a conversation with his wife Judy recently, apropos his MBE and MCC Presidency, "I asked my wife not so long ago, 'Did you ever imagine in your wildest dreams, I'd achieve all that?' 'To tell you the truth, darling,' she replied, 'I'm not sure you've ever appeared in my wildest dreams'."
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