GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 85
January 2010
Old Wanker’s Almanac
In an uncanny déjà vu I found myself sitting next to the Old Wanker again on a transatlantic flight over Christmas. In no time he was expounding his wisdom and gave me the following predictions for the New Year:
January:
Middlesex sign up Andy Caddick. Gus Fraser said it was a special signing which fitted his master plan to employ vintage, injury prone quicks. He said that the departures of Chris Silverwood and Alan Richardson had left a big space in the physio’s room. Caddick added that he hadn’t given up hopes of an England recall. Andy Caddick is 71.
Sir Alex Ferguson is banned from the touchline after verbally and physically abusing the fourth official in a Premiership match. He plans to watch future games from the stands.
England wins the test series against South Africa without any significant contribution from KP.
Jim Magilton is retrospectively awarded a gold watch for his record breaking six months as QPR’s manager in the Fabio era.
February:
Ron Atkinson and Geoffrey Boycott are invited onto the new reality TV show, “Abuse your Neighbour”. They are both unexpectedly reticent until the producer has the brainwave of telling them that they are off air. They both instantly invoke obscenities in every direction and sail through to the finals.
KP and Owais are commissioned to give a demonstration of running between the wickets at the Royal Variety Show. Their contrasting styles of KP’s selfishness and Shah’s incompetence provide for an hilarious interlude. They are immediately booked to give light relief between the pre election televised political debates.
Sir Alex Ferguson is banned from the stands after using a megaphone to verbally abuse the referee, the opposition and his own team. He announces that he will watch future matches from behind glass in an entertainment box.
March:
John Terry is prosecuted for being a pratt. He announces in court that he is immune from prosecution because of his status as a celebrity. An astonished judge, in a bamboozled state, frees him.
Sir Alex Ferguson is banned from entertainment boxes for the rest of the season after meeting a former referee in one and promptly nutting him. He says he will watch future matches from a local pub that has Sky television.
April:
Iain O’Brien develops the yips in his first over for Middlesex and bowls five beamers.
Fabio Cappello ensures a personal knighthood by making the extraordinary selection of the 47 year old David Beckham for his World Cup Squad. When questioned he explained that he needed someone who could credibly shed a tear in front of the camera when the team lost.
Sir Alex Ferguson is banned from watching his side in public houses after discovering that the landlord in his chosen one was actually a Liverpool supporter and promptly decking him.
May:
Craig Kieswetter is selected to play in England’s first ODI of the new season. Andy Flower announces that he will open the batting with Andrew Strauss and that Trott and Pietersen will follow them. He said that it should not worry them that the England first four were all born in South Africa because Morgan would be at number five…
Angus Fraser blames Middlesex’ poor performances in all competitions on having too small a committee. An Extraordinary General Meeting is convened and all but a handful of members are elected onto a new Super Committee. The results don’t improve.
Nick Compton scores his fifth century for Somerset and only Gus knows why he was released by Middlesex.
Arsene Wenger publishes an enormous tome listing all those he personally blames for Arsenal’s failure to win any major trophy yet again.
Labour only wins twenty seats in the General Election but Gordon Brown is still Prime Minister because all of the rest are Independents. The Stock Exchange crashes, the Pound collapses and the bankers turn out the lights on the economy.
Out and About with the Professor The Professor gets all academic with us
You will recall from your studies of 19th Century German philosophy Friedrich Hegel's observation that history repeats itself, (and Marx's tart response that it does so: "first as tragedy, then as farce").
I was pondering this notion, as I'm sure were you, when watching the demolition of the South African batting yesterday morning. We have had, so far, the Cardiff result at Centurion and the Lord's result at Kingsmead...when and where, we are all asking ourselves, will we have Headingley? Perhaps we won't. Perhaps our famously unbalanced team will keep its equipoise right through the series. Then again...it doesn't do to bet against Hegel.
I was in Heidelberg last month discussing the great inscrutable thinker (he spent three years at the University) and agreeing with my interlocutors that Hegel could have made more use of sporting analogies - "it's a game of two halves" would, I feel sure, have livened up (dialectically) the Philosophy of Right. What he would have made of cricket, I don’t know. Apparently Marx and Engels found the games of cricket they watched on Hampstead Heath unintelligible, which, for two German philosophers, is pushing it a bit.
What are we to make of these historical repetitions? We know that:
Strauss has moved, in a little over a year, from not being able to hit the ball off the square to being a latter day “dasher”;
that Pietersen has immense talent and minute judgement;
that Prior is now clearly the best and most stylish wicketkeeping batsman available (although the competition with Keiswetter this summer might be keen);
that Broad is a real talent who needs (like his Dad) to keep his temperament in check;
that Onions and Anderson can bowl…and block;
that Trott’s temperament and determination to succeed are not in doubt – did you see how he carefully grounded his bat as Pietersen steamed past him?
…and so on.
But what of Cook, Bell and Swann?
Cook’s innings was necessarily painstaking but still, to my eye, lacked conviction. The Gooch-inspired changes in technique seem to be working but even at his young age it must be incredibly difficult to change something as fundamental as your bat-lift. He has always looked a little “tutored” in his style…now he looks even more so. Still it was exactly the right innings at exactly the right time.
The same was true of Bell, only in his case the technique is all ease and grace and the problem, I assume, is one of temperament. Bell always seems to have “something to prove” and I read that all his test hundreds have only come in matches where another hundred has been scored. I don’t have sufficient enthusiasm to look this up but if so, he must, presumably, get a hundred out of 150 all out to “silence the critics”, as they say (an impossible task given the job description). You will recall Bell’s hundred at Old Trafford against Pakistan more-fluent-than-which it is impossible to imagine, (Cook also got an awkward looking century in that match). I think the issue with Bell is emotional. Did you see his “celebration” when he got his hundred? Apart from the obligatory hands raised in triumph he shook the badge on his shirt as a show of pride and looked close to tears. Pietersen might kiss the three lions but nobody thinks he really means it – everything is much more personal for Bell. He looks hurt by all the criticism. Incidentally, Botham, who I had heard criticise Bell’s inclusion, quickly backtracked to: “it was the balance of the side I was criticising, not Bell himself”. (Hegel again there, I think).
And finally, what of Swann? According to the notoriously inaccurate Cricketers’ Who’s Who, he joined Northants in 1997 moving to Notts eight years’ later. He has taken 50 wickets or more in just one county season and in 2008 was 70th in the bowling averages and 80th in the batting….And then he took up Test cricket.
I know all the stuff about spin bowlers maturing late but it is a startling transformation…and a notable selectoral success. From a useful county player to the third ranked bowler in the world! He does of course bowl an attacking line (lots of bowled and LBs; cf Panesar) but he doesn’t seem to mind being hit and he has boundless confidence and enthusiasm. It is a long time since England had a spinner who could inspire confidence, let alone one who could bat and field. I think he is a shoe-in (or is it shoo-in?) for one of the Wisden 5 this year. On the subject of which, who are your 5? Remember the rules – last season’s performances count and you can’t win it twice…how very un-Hegelian.
Nice Matters The Great Jack Morgan reminds Nick Reed that he is not the only Jesty fan
Trevor Jesty made it into the WC's Best Players Never to Have Played a Test for England team (TEJ played in ODIs) and I voted for him myself (though I don't know why they batted him at 4 ahead of Ali Brown and Geoff Humpage), but his bowling was only medium pace and unlikely to dismiss Test teams, which leaves him relying on his batting, which with a career average of around 32, was not really up with the best of his competitors. I was happy to have him in the BPNTHPATFE team as I had a strong hand of both bowlers and batters and thought he would be useful as the sixth bowler and sixth batter.
Ambiocular Matters
The Inter Milan coach demonstrates one of his many personal skills in the following pair of photographs noted on the BBC website.
Gilchrist and other Aussie Matters
Paddy Carlin sent me these notes
It would seem appropriate that Adam Gilchrist might play a few games for Middlesex in 2010 because, as many readers will know, he performed with great distinction a few years back for Richmond in the Middlesex League.
He played during that season for my Stoics XI at Welwyn Garden City along with his brother Dean, who played for Old Actonians at the same time. There are two things that I specifically remember. The first was his exceptional modesty for when asked did he bat, bowl or field he replied that he could bat anywhere and also that he kept wicket. Both of these things were true but he neglected to tell me that up to that point (early July and therefore halfway through the season) he had already scored several centuries for Richmond. He also turned out to be one of the best keepers I have ever seen. The second memory is of a six hit by him off the back foot over the sightscreen and WGCCC is not a small ground.
Anyway our now venerable left arm spinner Simon Bridgewater claimed his wicket after a rapid fifty had been scored. I wonder how many other Googlies readers claimed his wicket that year.
Mention of Gilchrist brings up the subject of other Aussie overseas players many of whom played with distinction originally in the Middlesex and Surrey Leagues but now who can be found in even the lower leagues of Hertfordshire. WGCCC have had several notable Aussies:
Jamie March, whose dad played for Middlesex and who also starred for Brondesbury.
Ben Tamblyn, son of the big wheel of Victorian cricket and like March from St Kilda in Melbourne, who post getting the yips also played for Brentham.
Tony Millard who later pro’d for Cheltenham.
The WGCCC association with Melbourne cricketers (St Kilda and Brighton CC) definitely raised standards and I am sure other clubs could claim equally distinguished one year guests.
One cautionary tale. Three years ago WGCCC paid for the air fare for our new Aussie quick bowler, a certain Mitchell Claydon, who came over and informed us that he was taking early practice with his mate Phil Jaques at Yorkshire and would be training with their second eleven. We never saw him again and he now plays for the county champions, Durham. Did this professional cricketer ever pay us back? What do you think?
Incidentally, if Middlesex want to beef up their forty over squad they could do worse than contact Adam Gilchrist’s brother, Dean, who was captain of Mosman in Sydney. Their fast bowler for a few years was a certain Brett Lee who might be able to manage an over or two.
Middlesex Matters The Great Jack Morgan comments on developments
It is crazy that Scotty (B) is going on loan to Worcestershire in April. Presumably, Middlesex told him that Simmo would be first choice at the start of the season? He says he wants to show Middlesex that he should be in the first team and I suppose that is fair enough as there is not usually a lot of 2s cricket in April. At least it doesn't sound as if they want him to go permanently and they can always summon him back when they realise that Simmo couldn't keep chickens. Personally, I would have had Scotty starting the season in the first team and let Simmo make as strong a challenge as he could, but I suppose they think it will be easier to balance the team with Simmo capable of batting at 6 or 7 as Scotty's recent batting form has looked more suitable to 8 or even 9. It looks as if the team at the start of the season will feature 5 batters (for which there are 6 strongish candidates), 3 all rounders (Simpson, Berg and Udal) and 3 pace bowlers (we don't know who these are going to be yet as Gus's two "experienced fast bowlers" have so far failed to materialise).
The signing of I O'Brien has now been confirmed (and he will be available for the whole of 2010, having retired from international cricket) as has the signing of 19 year old Irish batsman Paul Stirling (who turned out not to be called Lockhart!). The website says that Stirling has been playing for the 2s, but as far as I can see, he has only played once (v Surrey at Whitgift in 2008), scoring 8 and 52 and taking 1 for 63 with his off-breaks. I hadn't realised that Iain was 33: he's even older than Hoggy! The favourites for the three pace bowling slots would now appear to be Murtagh, Finn and O'Brien, but Gus should still have another signing to reveal to us.
Revier matters It is always good to hear from Jim Revier and here is his latest communication
An amazing result in Durban! I must admit to being wrong about Swann - whenever I saw him in county cricket I thought him average to say the least.
Also astonishing recently was Surreys decision to appoint Rory Hamilton-Brown as captain for 2010.We were quite happy to let him go to Sussex 2 years ago when he couldn’t get a place in the side. I also fear Scott Newman’s move to Middlesex could come back to haunt the chocolate hats. I guess his temperament is a bit iffy but he is a wonderfully talented guy and Morgan will enjoy watching him next season. He is certainly a bit better to watch than the now departed slowcoach Billy Godleman.
Feel Middlesex will do much better next year but then I thought that about the past season too. Surrey should be OK but would appear to be pinning a lot on their spin attack. I wonder if the groundsman has been told to start preparing some bunsens. Sorry to see Jon Batty go but he obviously wanted to carry on keeping. Otherwise his batting could have seen him opening. Guess Spriegel gets that role now. As usual the batting will revolve around the great man and hopefully major contributions from Afzaal and Davies.
The fixtures seem to have been compiled even more bizarrely this year with half the championship fixtures over by the first week in June. The Whitgift "festival" begins on the 21st April!
The T20 could come a cropper as it is up against the Footie World Cup. As its mainly a football crowd that attend these games loyalties could be divided. I also note that Kent play Essex at the OVAL in one of the matches to "maximise revenue".
And so to the Rangers. Maybe your correspondents would like to guess whether Hart sees out his 6 month sentence, who takes over then and how many managers we may work our way through in 2010. For what its worth here is my attempt :
1. Hart to go in March.
2. A combination or either ors from S Gallen/Bircham/Ainsworth to the end of the season
3. August sees us kick off with hopefully Coppell or Curbishley in charge
KP Matters
There seems to be unanimity over the following
Kevin Pietersen’s been speaking about the hostility doled out to him by South African fans. “It’s nothing personal.” No, Kevin, it really, really is. In fact it’s only personal, as proven by the general indifference shown to Jonathan Trott.
Test Match Sofa Matters
The King Cricket website exalts us to try this alternative to TMS
If you’ve just arrived at work and you were planning on listening to the cricket, you could do a lot worse than listen to Test Match Sofa. It’s not too difficult to explain what it is. Imagine Test Match Special broadcast from someone’s house and with absolutely no pretence of impartiality. “Mark Boucher’s gone. Piss off. Get back to the pavilion.”
It’s not just jingoistic cheering though. They get rightly carried away when there’s a wicket, but they know their stuff and the whole commentary’s full of the conversational tangents which are so much a part of watching cricket. Even bad light’s enjoyable. “Cricket is the worst game. What sport develops into a position of supreme interest where the players then say ‘let’s go off’?” When it was pointed out that cricket being ‘the worst game’ was somewhat off-message, that stance became: “Cricket is a wonderful game. I’m so enjoying this bad light.”
Terrestial TV Cricket Coverage matters I found the following on the LancashireCCC website:
The England and Wales Cricket Board have recently started campaigning against the sport's showpiece clash being included in David Davies' recent list of events which should be on free-to-air TV - arguing it would cost the game millions in bidding rights. Sky currently hold the rights to show live coverage of all English domestic cricket and England's home games, with a huge chunk of the money they pay being ploughed into club and school cricket around the country. However, that sum will be significantly reduced if the ECB are forced to sell the Ashes to one of the terrestrial channels and Jim Cumbes believes Davies' recommendations regarding cricket shouldn't be adopted.
"I think the Ashes should be there for everybody to bid for, but it should be at market rate and should go to the highest bidder," said Cumbes, who was consulted by Davies while he was compiling his report. "We shouldn't be told it has to be on terrestrial. If BBC bid higher than Sky or Channel Four than that's not a problem, that's the market place. The BBC use to pay such a small amount for it because nobody was interested at the time. The money Sky pay now is a market rate and is very important to cricket as a whole. If the Ashes were listed, all the counties would lose out financially to a degree, but it is a bit lower down the scale like the Lancashire Cricket Board (LCB) that would lose out and all the other boards around the country. Then you are talking about all the schools that are supported by the boards.
The distribution to counties has gone up, but not enormously, since the introduction of Sky. But the money that has gone into the grassroots has gone up an awful lot in that time. Before Sky came in, the LCB had around three cricket development officers, now they are looking to have a coach in every borough and are well on the way to achieving that. And that's the future of the sport and spreads the gospel of cricket."
I shudder at the thought of cricket returning to terrestrial TV. The last foray involved tests starting before breakfast to fit in with the schedule and no extra time being played for lost time so that scheduled early evening soap opera schedules were not interrupted. It is hard to remember that when the BBC did it there was only one camera and so half of the action was shot from behind the batsman. We could even end up with Blofeld doing the commentary.
But the Great Jack Morgan reassured me
“The BBC and ITV are not interested in covering cricket on television, nor is C4 judging from the pathetic bid they put in last time, while C5 only want the highlights, so I fail to understand who will provide the terrestrial coverage.”
Red Mist Matters There used to be a time when red mist accumulated around certain individuals when they arrived at the crease who promptly started despatching sixes to all parts. I cannot bring myself to say maximums. The acid test to qualify for a dose of red mist was to reach your fifty in under twenty five balls. The record is held by Yuvraj who took only twelve balls to get to his against England aided by thirty six from one Stuart Broad over. And indeed this entertaining malaise still persists although McCallum and Afridi, early exponents, seem less disposed to succumb to it these days.
There are, though, two interesting developments. The first is the quiet assassin in which the batsmen races to his fifty in double quick time but makes things harder for himself by excluding the aid of sixes. Gambhir reached 55 against Sri Lanka from just twenty six balls with the aid of eleven fours. It is the sort of red mist that you can imagine that Strauss might one day experience.
The hallmark of the red mist attack was that it had a flash bang wallop feel about it. The batsman did well to survive to fifty but rarely kept his assault up to reach a hundred. In notable prolonged attacks McCallum and Napier both reached 150 in Twenty20 matches. However, Virender Sehwag has moved the bar up several notches. He has always been a devastating batsman who appears to be permanently surrounded by red mist. Consequently any Sehwag innings has threatened the record books. He is also a big innings player and these two characteristics make him the world’s most awesome opponent. In the recent test match against Sri Lanka he made 293 from 254 balls with the aid of seven sixes and forty fours. It is hard to think of any current player who can maintain such sustained hitting.
Major Innings Matters An off-season exercise is to ponder who are the best players in the modern era or perhaps who will be the players who stick out to future generations when they look at the record books. One of the key features is the ability to play big innings at the highest level. Consequently Bradman and Hammond always stand out head and shoulders above their contemporaries. So in the current era the obvious two who fall into this category are Sehwag and Jayarwardene. If these two get in they are more likely to get past 250 than the rest and indeed regularly do so. They have three test triple centuries between them and look likely to add to that statistic. Jayarwardene has made six test scores of over 200.
Among other great current players Ponting, Dravid, Gayle, Tendulkar, and Laxman have only rarely reached a double hundred. Among the current crop of Englishmen only Pietersen and Collingwood have made a double hundred. Jacques Kallis, Michael Clarke and Mike Hussey are yet to do so. Sehwag and Jayawardene with their contrasting styles may not be everyone’s favourite batsmen but they say it with their bats. They are the ones that will stick out to future generations.
Weather Matters In response to his report on record cricket watching days in 2009 I replied to the Great Jack Morgan
Your cricket watching days in 2009 were remarkable for two reasons. The first is the six week dead period in June and July when no proper cricket is played and the second is the appalling weather in which it was achieved, or apparently so. We have suffered the third consecutive wet summer with record rainfall and decidedly cool conditions to boot. I only went to Old Trafford twice and on both occasions had to pay for my admission. Consequently I didn’t use my season ticket once in 2009. It has only become apparent to me recently that it was only the northern half of the country that suffered these climactic conditions and that the south actually had to all intents and purposes a long hot summer. I met the Professor for lunch recently and tried this diatribe out on him. He didn’t know what I was talking about and said that the phenomena that I was referring to was peculiar to the north west whilst east of the Pennines the summer had not been too bad. It would certainly explain how the most northerly county managed to play enough cricket to win the county Championship.
The Great Jack Morgan replied
“It really wasn't that wet down here: only July had higher than the average rainfall and that was by only 5%. Other months had variable weather, but it was often dry, though certainly not a "long hot summer". Also some mediocre weather makes one more determined to take advantage of days that look as if they might be OK. Yorkshire (and all the east side of the country) is much drier than Lancashire (and the west side). Durham can be cool, but it is not usually all that wet: the rain falls on North Wales, Lancashire and the Lake District, leaving Durham in something of a rain shadow, if I have remembered the correct expression from A Level geography.”
However, Allen Bruton has his own take on things
“I have to assume that attending 58 days of County Cricket in a single season is a punishment given to Jack similar to an ASBO or Community Service Order. Whilst having no legal background I would imagine he has recourse to the European Court of Human Rights or even Amnesty International. There really is no place for torture in modern day society.”
Christmas Football Quiz Simon Hutchinson sent me this:
“As always, an enjoyable read although there is something about ‘Football Matters’ that seems to catch my eye! Maybe you should do a one off Football Matters Christmas Special! Or how about a calendar?”
I sometimes wonder whether anyone reads Googlies at all and so it was pleasing to hear that Simon makes it all the way to the back page. It was back in edition 42 that I published the plaintiff plea from Kelvin West for a new manager for his local ladies football team. I included the following photo so that prospective managers could assess the talent available to them.
So here is Simon’s New Year Quiz:
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An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 85
January 2010
Old Wanker’s Almanac
In an uncanny déjà vu I found myself sitting next to the Old Wanker again on a transatlantic flight over Christmas. In no time he was expounding his wisdom and gave me the following predictions for the New Year:
January:
Middlesex sign up Andy Caddick. Gus Fraser said it was a special signing which fitted his master plan to employ vintage, injury prone quicks. He said that the departures of Chris Silverwood and Alan Richardson had left a big space in the physio’s room. Caddick added that he hadn’t given up hopes of an England recall. Andy Caddick is 71.
Sir Alex Ferguson is banned from the touchline after verbally and physically abusing the fourth official in a Premiership match. He plans to watch future games from the stands.
England wins the test series against South Africa without any significant contribution from KP.
Jim Magilton is retrospectively awarded a gold watch for his record breaking six months as QPR’s manager in the Fabio era.
February:
Ron Atkinson and Geoffrey Boycott are invited onto the new reality TV show, “Abuse your Neighbour”. They are both unexpectedly reticent until the producer has the brainwave of telling them that they are off air. They both instantly invoke obscenities in every direction and sail through to the finals.
KP and Owais are commissioned to give a demonstration of running between the wickets at the Royal Variety Show. Their contrasting styles of KP’s selfishness and Shah’s incompetence provide for an hilarious interlude. They are immediately booked to give light relief between the pre election televised political debates.
Sir Alex Ferguson is banned from the stands after using a megaphone to verbally abuse the referee, the opposition and his own team. He announces that he will watch future matches from behind glass in an entertainment box.
March:
John Terry is prosecuted for being a pratt. He announces in court that he is immune from prosecution because of his status as a celebrity. An astonished judge, in a bamboozled state, frees him.
Sir Alex Ferguson is banned from entertainment boxes for the rest of the season after meeting a former referee in one and promptly nutting him. He says he will watch future matches from a local pub that has Sky television.
April:
Iain O’Brien develops the yips in his first over for Middlesex and bowls five beamers.
Fabio Cappello ensures a personal knighthood by making the extraordinary selection of the 47 year old David Beckham for his World Cup Squad. When questioned he explained that he needed someone who could credibly shed a tear in front of the camera when the team lost.
Sir Alex Ferguson is banned from watching his side in public houses after discovering that the landlord in his chosen one was actually a Liverpool supporter and promptly decking him.
May:
Craig Kieswetter is selected to play in England’s first ODI of the new season. Andy Flower announces that he will open the batting with Andrew Strauss and that Trott and Pietersen will follow them. He said that it should not worry them that the England first four were all born in South Africa because Morgan would be at number five…
Angus Fraser blames Middlesex’ poor performances in all competitions on having too small a committee. An Extraordinary General Meeting is convened and all but a handful of members are elected onto a new Super Committee. The results don’t improve.
Nick Compton scores his fifth century for Somerset and only Gus knows why he was released by Middlesex.
Arsene Wenger publishes an enormous tome listing all those he personally blames for Arsenal’s failure to win any major trophy yet again.
Labour only wins twenty seats in the General Election but Gordon Brown is still Prime Minister because all of the rest are Independents. The Stock Exchange crashes, the Pound collapses and the bankers turn out the lights on the economy.
Out and About with the Professor The Professor gets all academic with us
You will recall from your studies of 19th Century German philosophy Friedrich Hegel's observation that history repeats itself, (and Marx's tart response that it does so: "first as tragedy, then as farce").
I was pondering this notion, as I'm sure were you, when watching the demolition of the South African batting yesterday morning. We have had, so far, the Cardiff result at Centurion and the Lord's result at Kingsmead...when and where, we are all asking ourselves, will we have Headingley? Perhaps we won't. Perhaps our famously unbalanced team will keep its equipoise right through the series. Then again...it doesn't do to bet against Hegel.
I was in Heidelberg last month discussing the great inscrutable thinker (he spent three years at the University) and agreeing with my interlocutors that Hegel could have made more use of sporting analogies - "it's a game of two halves" would, I feel sure, have livened up (dialectically) the Philosophy of Right. What he would have made of cricket, I don’t know. Apparently Marx and Engels found the games of cricket they watched on Hampstead Heath unintelligible, which, for two German philosophers, is pushing it a bit.
What are we to make of these historical repetitions? We know that:
Strauss has moved, in a little over a year, from not being able to hit the ball off the square to being a latter day “dasher”;
that Pietersen has immense talent and minute judgement;
that Prior is now clearly the best and most stylish wicketkeeping batsman available (although the competition with Keiswetter this summer might be keen);
that Broad is a real talent who needs (like his Dad) to keep his temperament in check;
that Onions and Anderson can bowl…and block;
that Trott’s temperament and determination to succeed are not in doubt – did you see how he carefully grounded his bat as Pietersen steamed past him?
…and so on.
But what of Cook, Bell and Swann?
Cook’s innings was necessarily painstaking but still, to my eye, lacked conviction. The Gooch-inspired changes in technique seem to be working but even at his young age it must be incredibly difficult to change something as fundamental as your bat-lift. He has always looked a little “tutored” in his style…now he looks even more so. Still it was exactly the right innings at exactly the right time.
The same was true of Bell, only in his case the technique is all ease and grace and the problem, I assume, is one of temperament. Bell always seems to have “something to prove” and I read that all his test hundreds have only come in matches where another hundred has been scored. I don’t have sufficient enthusiasm to look this up but if so, he must, presumably, get a hundred out of 150 all out to “silence the critics”, as they say (an impossible task given the job description). You will recall Bell’s hundred at Old Trafford against Pakistan more-fluent-than-which it is impossible to imagine, (Cook also got an awkward looking century in that match). I think the issue with Bell is emotional. Did you see his “celebration” when he got his hundred? Apart from the obligatory hands raised in triumph he shook the badge on his shirt as a show of pride and looked close to tears. Pietersen might kiss the three lions but nobody thinks he really means it – everything is much more personal for Bell. He looks hurt by all the criticism. Incidentally, Botham, who I had heard criticise Bell’s inclusion, quickly backtracked to: “it was the balance of the side I was criticising, not Bell himself”. (Hegel again there, I think).
And finally, what of Swann? According to the notoriously inaccurate Cricketers’ Who’s Who, he joined Northants in 1997 moving to Notts eight years’ later. He has taken 50 wickets or more in just one county season and in 2008 was 70th in the bowling averages and 80th in the batting….And then he took up Test cricket.
I know all the stuff about spin bowlers maturing late but it is a startling transformation…and a notable selectoral success. From a useful county player to the third ranked bowler in the world! He does of course bowl an attacking line (lots of bowled and LBs; cf Panesar) but he doesn’t seem to mind being hit and he has boundless confidence and enthusiasm. It is a long time since England had a spinner who could inspire confidence, let alone one who could bat and field. I think he is a shoe-in (or is it shoo-in?) for one of the Wisden 5 this year. On the subject of which, who are your 5? Remember the rules – last season’s performances count and you can’t win it twice…how very un-Hegelian.
Nice Matters The Great Jack Morgan reminds Nick Reed that he is not the only Jesty fan
Trevor Jesty made it into the WC's Best Players Never to Have Played a Test for England team (TEJ played in ODIs) and I voted for him myself (though I don't know why they batted him at 4 ahead of Ali Brown and Geoff Humpage), but his bowling was only medium pace and unlikely to dismiss Test teams, which leaves him relying on his batting, which with a career average of around 32, was not really up with the best of his competitors. I was happy to have him in the BPNTHPATFE team as I had a strong hand of both bowlers and batters and thought he would be useful as the sixth bowler and sixth batter.
Ambiocular Matters
The Inter Milan coach demonstrates one of his many personal skills in the following pair of photographs noted on the BBC website.
Gilchrist and other Aussie Matters
Paddy Carlin sent me these notes
It would seem appropriate that Adam Gilchrist might play a few games for Middlesex in 2010 because, as many readers will know, he performed with great distinction a few years back for Richmond in the Middlesex League.
He played during that season for my Stoics XI at Welwyn Garden City along with his brother Dean, who played for Old Actonians at the same time. There are two things that I specifically remember. The first was his exceptional modesty for when asked did he bat, bowl or field he replied that he could bat anywhere and also that he kept wicket. Both of these things were true but he neglected to tell me that up to that point (early July and therefore halfway through the season) he had already scored several centuries for Richmond. He also turned out to be one of the best keepers I have ever seen. The second memory is of a six hit by him off the back foot over the sightscreen and WGCCC is not a small ground.
Anyway our now venerable left arm spinner Simon Bridgewater claimed his wicket after a rapid fifty had been scored. I wonder how many other Googlies readers claimed his wicket that year.
Mention of Gilchrist brings up the subject of other Aussie overseas players many of whom played with distinction originally in the Middlesex and Surrey Leagues but now who can be found in even the lower leagues of Hertfordshire. WGCCC have had several notable Aussies:
Jamie March, whose dad played for Middlesex and who also starred for Brondesbury.
Ben Tamblyn, son of the big wheel of Victorian cricket and like March from St Kilda in Melbourne, who post getting the yips also played for Brentham.
Tony Millard who later pro’d for Cheltenham.
The WGCCC association with Melbourne cricketers (St Kilda and Brighton CC) definitely raised standards and I am sure other clubs could claim equally distinguished one year guests.
One cautionary tale. Three years ago WGCCC paid for the air fare for our new Aussie quick bowler, a certain Mitchell Claydon, who came over and informed us that he was taking early practice with his mate Phil Jaques at Yorkshire and would be training with their second eleven. We never saw him again and he now plays for the county champions, Durham. Did this professional cricketer ever pay us back? What do you think?
Incidentally, if Middlesex want to beef up their forty over squad they could do worse than contact Adam Gilchrist’s brother, Dean, who was captain of Mosman in Sydney. Their fast bowler for a few years was a certain Brett Lee who might be able to manage an over or two.
Middlesex Matters The Great Jack Morgan comments on developments
It is crazy that Scotty (B) is going on loan to Worcestershire in April. Presumably, Middlesex told him that Simmo would be first choice at the start of the season? He says he wants to show Middlesex that he should be in the first team and I suppose that is fair enough as there is not usually a lot of 2s cricket in April. At least it doesn't sound as if they want him to go permanently and they can always summon him back when they realise that Simmo couldn't keep chickens. Personally, I would have had Scotty starting the season in the first team and let Simmo make as strong a challenge as he could, but I suppose they think it will be easier to balance the team with Simmo capable of batting at 6 or 7 as Scotty's recent batting form has looked more suitable to 8 or even 9. It looks as if the team at the start of the season will feature 5 batters (for which there are 6 strongish candidates), 3 all rounders (Simpson, Berg and Udal) and 3 pace bowlers (we don't know who these are going to be yet as Gus's two "experienced fast bowlers" have so far failed to materialise).
The signing of I O'Brien has now been confirmed (and he will be available for the whole of 2010, having retired from international cricket) as has the signing of 19 year old Irish batsman Paul Stirling (who turned out not to be called Lockhart!). The website says that Stirling has been playing for the 2s, but as far as I can see, he has only played once (v Surrey at Whitgift in 2008), scoring 8 and 52 and taking 1 for 63 with his off-breaks. I hadn't realised that Iain was 33: he's even older than Hoggy! The favourites for the three pace bowling slots would now appear to be Murtagh, Finn and O'Brien, but Gus should still have another signing to reveal to us.
Revier matters It is always good to hear from Jim Revier and here is his latest communication
An amazing result in Durban! I must admit to being wrong about Swann - whenever I saw him in county cricket I thought him average to say the least.
Also astonishing recently was Surreys decision to appoint Rory Hamilton-Brown as captain for 2010.We were quite happy to let him go to Sussex 2 years ago when he couldn’t get a place in the side. I also fear Scott Newman’s move to Middlesex could come back to haunt the chocolate hats. I guess his temperament is a bit iffy but he is a wonderfully talented guy and Morgan will enjoy watching him next season. He is certainly a bit better to watch than the now departed slowcoach Billy Godleman.
Feel Middlesex will do much better next year but then I thought that about the past season too. Surrey should be OK but would appear to be pinning a lot on their spin attack. I wonder if the groundsman has been told to start preparing some bunsens. Sorry to see Jon Batty go but he obviously wanted to carry on keeping. Otherwise his batting could have seen him opening. Guess Spriegel gets that role now. As usual the batting will revolve around the great man and hopefully major contributions from Afzaal and Davies.
The fixtures seem to have been compiled even more bizarrely this year with half the championship fixtures over by the first week in June. The Whitgift "festival" begins on the 21st April!
The T20 could come a cropper as it is up against the Footie World Cup. As its mainly a football crowd that attend these games loyalties could be divided. I also note that Kent play Essex at the OVAL in one of the matches to "maximise revenue".
And so to the Rangers. Maybe your correspondents would like to guess whether Hart sees out his 6 month sentence, who takes over then and how many managers we may work our way through in 2010. For what its worth here is my attempt :
1. Hart to go in March.
2. A combination or either ors from S Gallen/Bircham/Ainsworth to the end of the season
3. August sees us kick off with hopefully Coppell or Curbishley in charge
KP Matters
There seems to be unanimity over the following
Kevin Pietersen’s been speaking about the hostility doled out to him by South African fans. “It’s nothing personal.” No, Kevin, it really, really is. In fact it’s only personal, as proven by the general indifference shown to Jonathan Trott.
Test Match Sofa Matters
The King Cricket website exalts us to try this alternative to TMS
If you’ve just arrived at work and you were planning on listening to the cricket, you could do a lot worse than listen to Test Match Sofa. It’s not too difficult to explain what it is. Imagine Test Match Special broadcast from someone’s house and with absolutely no pretence of impartiality. “Mark Boucher’s gone. Piss off. Get back to the pavilion.”
It’s not just jingoistic cheering though. They get rightly carried away when there’s a wicket, but they know their stuff and the whole commentary’s full of the conversational tangents which are so much a part of watching cricket. Even bad light’s enjoyable. “Cricket is the worst game. What sport develops into a position of supreme interest where the players then say ‘let’s go off’?” When it was pointed out that cricket being ‘the worst game’ was somewhat off-message, that stance became: “Cricket is a wonderful game. I’m so enjoying this bad light.”
Terrestial TV Cricket Coverage matters I found the following on the LancashireCCC website:
The England and Wales Cricket Board have recently started campaigning against the sport's showpiece clash being included in David Davies' recent list of events which should be on free-to-air TV - arguing it would cost the game millions in bidding rights. Sky currently hold the rights to show live coverage of all English domestic cricket and England's home games, with a huge chunk of the money they pay being ploughed into club and school cricket around the country. However, that sum will be significantly reduced if the ECB are forced to sell the Ashes to one of the terrestrial channels and Jim Cumbes believes Davies' recommendations regarding cricket shouldn't be adopted.
"I think the Ashes should be there for everybody to bid for, but it should be at market rate and should go to the highest bidder," said Cumbes, who was consulted by Davies while he was compiling his report. "We shouldn't be told it has to be on terrestrial. If BBC bid higher than Sky or Channel Four than that's not a problem, that's the market place. The BBC use to pay such a small amount for it because nobody was interested at the time. The money Sky pay now is a market rate and is very important to cricket as a whole. If the Ashes were listed, all the counties would lose out financially to a degree, but it is a bit lower down the scale like the Lancashire Cricket Board (LCB) that would lose out and all the other boards around the country. Then you are talking about all the schools that are supported by the boards.
The distribution to counties has gone up, but not enormously, since the introduction of Sky. But the money that has gone into the grassroots has gone up an awful lot in that time. Before Sky came in, the LCB had around three cricket development officers, now they are looking to have a coach in every borough and are well on the way to achieving that. And that's the future of the sport and spreads the gospel of cricket."
I shudder at the thought of cricket returning to terrestrial TV. The last foray involved tests starting before breakfast to fit in with the schedule and no extra time being played for lost time so that scheduled early evening soap opera schedules were not interrupted. It is hard to remember that when the BBC did it there was only one camera and so half of the action was shot from behind the batsman. We could even end up with Blofeld doing the commentary.
But the Great Jack Morgan reassured me
“The BBC and ITV are not interested in covering cricket on television, nor is C4 judging from the pathetic bid they put in last time, while C5 only want the highlights, so I fail to understand who will provide the terrestrial coverage.”
Red Mist Matters There used to be a time when red mist accumulated around certain individuals when they arrived at the crease who promptly started despatching sixes to all parts. I cannot bring myself to say maximums. The acid test to qualify for a dose of red mist was to reach your fifty in under twenty five balls. The record is held by Yuvraj who took only twelve balls to get to his against England aided by thirty six from one Stuart Broad over. And indeed this entertaining malaise still persists although McCallum and Afridi, early exponents, seem less disposed to succumb to it these days.
There are, though, two interesting developments. The first is the quiet assassin in which the batsmen races to his fifty in double quick time but makes things harder for himself by excluding the aid of sixes. Gambhir reached 55 against Sri Lanka from just twenty six balls with the aid of eleven fours. It is the sort of red mist that you can imagine that Strauss might one day experience.
The hallmark of the red mist attack was that it had a flash bang wallop feel about it. The batsman did well to survive to fifty but rarely kept his assault up to reach a hundred. In notable prolonged attacks McCallum and Napier both reached 150 in Twenty20 matches. However, Virender Sehwag has moved the bar up several notches. He has always been a devastating batsman who appears to be permanently surrounded by red mist. Consequently any Sehwag innings has threatened the record books. He is also a big innings player and these two characteristics make him the world’s most awesome opponent. In the recent test match against Sri Lanka he made 293 from 254 balls with the aid of seven sixes and forty fours. It is hard to think of any current player who can maintain such sustained hitting.
Major Innings Matters An off-season exercise is to ponder who are the best players in the modern era or perhaps who will be the players who stick out to future generations when they look at the record books. One of the key features is the ability to play big innings at the highest level. Consequently Bradman and Hammond always stand out head and shoulders above their contemporaries. So in the current era the obvious two who fall into this category are Sehwag and Jayarwardene. If these two get in they are more likely to get past 250 than the rest and indeed regularly do so. They have three test triple centuries between them and look likely to add to that statistic. Jayarwardene has made six test scores of over 200.
Among other great current players Ponting, Dravid, Gayle, Tendulkar, and Laxman have only rarely reached a double hundred. Among the current crop of Englishmen only Pietersen and Collingwood have made a double hundred. Jacques Kallis, Michael Clarke and Mike Hussey are yet to do so. Sehwag and Jayawardene with their contrasting styles may not be everyone’s favourite batsmen but they say it with their bats. They are the ones that will stick out to future generations.
Weather Matters In response to his report on record cricket watching days in 2009 I replied to the Great Jack Morgan
Your cricket watching days in 2009 were remarkable for two reasons. The first is the six week dead period in June and July when no proper cricket is played and the second is the appalling weather in which it was achieved, or apparently so. We have suffered the third consecutive wet summer with record rainfall and decidedly cool conditions to boot. I only went to Old Trafford twice and on both occasions had to pay for my admission. Consequently I didn’t use my season ticket once in 2009. It has only become apparent to me recently that it was only the northern half of the country that suffered these climactic conditions and that the south actually had to all intents and purposes a long hot summer. I met the Professor for lunch recently and tried this diatribe out on him. He didn’t know what I was talking about and said that the phenomena that I was referring to was peculiar to the north west whilst east of the Pennines the summer had not been too bad. It would certainly explain how the most northerly county managed to play enough cricket to win the county Championship.
The Great Jack Morgan replied
“It really wasn't that wet down here: only July had higher than the average rainfall and that was by only 5%. Other months had variable weather, but it was often dry, though certainly not a "long hot summer". Also some mediocre weather makes one more determined to take advantage of days that look as if they might be OK. Yorkshire (and all the east side of the country) is much drier than Lancashire (and the west side). Durham can be cool, but it is not usually all that wet: the rain falls on North Wales, Lancashire and the Lake District, leaving Durham in something of a rain shadow, if I have remembered the correct expression from A Level geography.”
However, Allen Bruton has his own take on things
“I have to assume that attending 58 days of County Cricket in a single season is a punishment given to Jack similar to an ASBO or Community Service Order. Whilst having no legal background I would imagine he has recourse to the European Court of Human Rights or even Amnesty International. There really is no place for torture in modern day society.”
Christmas Football Quiz Simon Hutchinson sent me this:
“As always, an enjoyable read although there is something about ‘Football Matters’ that seems to catch my eye! Maybe you should do a one off Football Matters Christmas Special! Or how about a calendar?”
I sometimes wonder whether anyone reads Googlies at all and so it was pleasing to hear that Simon makes it all the way to the back page. It was back in edition 42 that I published the plaintiff plea from Kelvin West for a new manager for his local ladies football team. I included the following photo so that prospective managers could assess the talent available to them.
So here is Simon’s New Year Quiz:
- Which of the original team are still on Andrew Baker’s books?
- What specific disciplinary measures has Andrew taken and against which players?
- Who has scored most?
- Who plays out of position?
- Who brought new meaning to the term “back four”
- Who had fifteen minutes of fame?
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