GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 101
May 2011
Caption Competition-1
Vinny Codrington: Four wins from four matches. What have you cynical bastards at Googlies got to say about that?
Googlies: Well done!
Caption Competition-2
Bill Hart: I only came to see Robin Ager. Why didn’t someone say that he wasn’t coming?
Allen Bruton: That’s odd. I’ve no idea why I am here.
Paddy Carlin: Did you know that you are wearing carpet slippers, Allen?
Out and About with the Professor
“It is Yorkshire’s start to the season that has been the most eye-catching, their defeat by Nottinghamshire notwithstanding. A combination of the IPL, economic headwinds and incentive payments have meant a greater focus than at any recent time on young English players and it is Yorkshire who are leading the way with a young home-nurtured squad. This is, of course, exactly how it should be.” Thus Michael Atherton, the “Sports Journalist of the Year”, in yesterday’s Times.
And this was written before Atherton would have known that Yorkshire had spirited Barney Gibson away from his GCSE studies to become the youngest ever first class cricketer in England. Master Gibson was quoted as saying that he was not only pleased to play but also happy to have missed maths and science lessons unaware, of course, that cricket is both maths and science, and art, and economics and indeed all human intellectual and physical endeavour in one.
However, the question remains as to the viability of the Yorkshire model of playing “home-nurtured” players in the first division of the County Championship. It may, in Atherton’s view, be “how it should be” it is not, of course, how it is; and while the Former England Captain may be laying down a challenge to Hume’s Law, it is worth a moments speculation as to the likely outcome.
Last week I went to the final day of the “notwithstanding” match against Notts. Given that Yorkshire got 336 in their first innings (due largely to a fine hundred by their young captain Gale) and that with six wickets down in their second innings and not yet equalling the Yorkshire first innings score Notts were on the point of defeat, I went with a slightly smug confidence for the success of my adopted County. Indeed, I was on the point of wondering if it was worth going at all since it was likely to be all over by lunchtime. How many games of cricket have I played? How many games of cricket have I watched? How many times have I told people to avoid hubris in all things…and most especially cricket?
I was not home at lunchtime celebrating a Yorkshire victory but at supper time reflecting on a Yorkshire defeat. The Notts innings was rescued by their captain Read and the impressive young Stephen Mullaney. I have seen Read bat on several occasions in the last couple of years – he always makes runs but I can never work out how. His technique seems to be to belt the bad balls for four and to completely miss the good ones…it appears to be a successful strategy. However all Read’s swishing only got Notts to a lead of 144 which was less than Gale got on his own in the first innings. But, it is here that the Atherton conjecture kicks-in. Yorkshire do not have a non-qualified (NQ) player this year. This could be interpreted as adopting a high moral tone were it not for the fact that I know that all their budget was spent on Sidebottom (who had apparently asked for £200,000 but was “knocked-down a bit”). Now I think Sidebottom will do very well this season, but it has meant that there is no money to replace Jacques Rudolph, whose 2,500 runs in all cricket last year are close to irreplaceable. One can never say that with Rudolph in the side Yorkshire would have knocked off the runs but the miserable 86 all out could surely have been avoided.
So the question is this: is it possible to succeed in the Championship without an NQ player? If it is, then why are there so many? If, as seems fairly clear, that it isn’t, then I fear for Yorkshire… notwithstanding the Atherton approval.
Lions Matters
The Great Jack Morgan expounds
I am sure I must have complained about the England Performance Squad before, but just what is it all about? No selecting has gone on at all here: it is just a list of 27 blokes who have been in squads fairly recently, including Test specialists even though this squad is (apparently) for ODIs and T20s. As well as the Test specialists, it also includes a captain who does not play T20s and is widely expected to retire from ODIs, another captain who appears to be over the hill and who is unfit anyway, a former batting star whose skills are waning and who is also unfit, two pace bowlers who had to pull out of the WC because of lack of fitness, another pace bowler who has been unfit for 15 months and has had no cricket whatsoever and another WC player who is in deep trouble with Trescothick’s Disease. What is the point of it? Why didn’t they wait until the situation was clearer regarding the blokes I have just mentioned? I suppose because the squad is meaningless anyway? They seem to want to reassure everyone that they are not being prematurely axed, but what about the successes of the Lions tour (Hildreth and Briggs spring to mind): why do they not get a little encouragement?
The Googlies 100 Lunch
The Googlies 100 lunch turned out to be an all day affair in a box at Lords. The Professor kindly agreed to arrange the event and once Bob Baxter offered his services a suitably grand occasion ensued. The powers that be at Lord’s obviously expected us to be a rowdy bunch since they located our box a quarter of a mile away from the nearest spectator and even further from the action. They also ensured that there would be no hot weather excessive drinking as the box got no sun and received a decidedly chilly breeze all day. But all this did nothing to dampen the spirits of those attendees who were clearly in a celebratory mood.
It has become the vogue nowadays for members in the inner circle at Radlett/Lord’s to sponsor the kit of individual players. I noted last month that Jeff Coleman and Geoff Norris were sponsoring Dan Housego’s Championship and one day kit respectively. We now learned that Les Berry, who visited the box with John Adcock, was sponsoring Ben Scott’s kit. All this is a bit weird since it is the team sponsor’s name that appears on the kit and the personal sponsor gets no mention. Perhaps it should and there was considerable speculation as to what additional wording should appear on Dan Housego’s shirt in respect of Jeff Coleman’s ownership of it. I then tried to get Jack Morgan to sponsor my cricket watching kit but he would have none of it and pointed out that he normally supplied most of it anyway when we visited the breezy south coast venues of Hove and the Rose Bowl.
There was a stream of visitors to the box during the course of the day including the Middlesex President, Geoff Norris, who had the ever present Ron Broome at his side as his minder. The latter had the notable distinction of outdoing Bill Hart in an exchange of banter regarding Old Grammarian footballers which left the latter uncharacteristically speechless. Bob Peach is always trying to provoke confrontation and inveigled Vinny Codrington to look in to meet his Googlies critics. However, Bob was frustrated as he chatted amiably with me and then at length with the Great Jack Morgan.
Back row: Mike Jordan and Jeff Coleman
Middle row: Paddy Carlin and John Adams
Front row: Douglas Miller, Eric Tracey and Jack Morgan
Back Row: Allen Bruton and Roger Kingdon
Front row: Bill Hart, Terry Cordaroy and Alvin Nienow
After lunch Bill Hart set up a group of experts to try to select the Shits XI and the normal suspects were trotted out Jack Hyams and all of Dusty Millers’ Mill Hill side of the sixties. However, he ran into embarrassment when it became apparent that some South Hampstead players probably qualified and he drew the discussion to a halt once his and Don Wallis and his names had been penciled in. I asked him who he would have as Umpire for this side and he had no hesitation in nominating the famous High Wycombe umpire.
Douglas Miller is from the cricket statistician fraternity and he posed various teasers throughout the proceedings. He asked me why the current moment was most likely to produce a successful LBW appeal. Whilst I was pondering my response Scott Newman was given out serendipitously by Neil Mallender. The answer turned out to be because Neil Mallender was officiating and he has given more LBWs than any other umpire in the history of the game. As I reflected on this I started to wonder how he knew this since records historically, at least, were not maintained of which umpire gave which decisions. He explained that the matches in which Mallender officiated had the highest incidence of LBWs and if you assumed that his partners gave on average the norm of decisions then Mallender must be giving the most. I then pondered as to why these people spend their time worrying about such matters.
As to the cricket Surrey committed the Banger error of putting Middlesex in. It seemed to have paid off at 28 for 3 and then 90 for 4 at lunch but Dexter and Simpson batted beautifully and added 254 before Dexter was dismissed just before the close for 145. Simpson finished unbeaten on 112 and Middlesex were well on the way to another victory.
Middlesex Matters
The Great Jack Morgan supplies his view on the start of the new season
Essex won the toss and put Middlesex in at Lord's. It was a cool and overcast day, so this was not surprising, but the pitch was nowhere near as green as the billiard tables we had at Lord's last April. Middlesex's total of 277 was very disappointing as nine batsmen made 15 or more, yet none could go on to more than 38. The Essex seamers were finding some movement, but most of the home batsmen looked in good nick so it was puzzling that a bigger total could not be posted. The Essex batsmen soon made the Middlesex total look huge, however, as they were shot out by the Middlesex pace bowlers for 115 in only 33.2 overs. Following on, Essex did rather better, managing 215 this time, but Middlesex could probably have had them out for less except for the need to use slower bowlers in order to avoid a points penalty for a slow over rate. Middlesex then knocked off the 54 needed for victory by eight wickets.
Despite the fact that nobody played a major innings, many of the Middlesex players had quite satisfactory matches in this low scoring game: Scott Newman top scored in both innings with 38 and 38*; Dawid Malan made 29, 12* and held three good slip catches; John Simpson batted well for 32 and took five catches behind the stumps; Gareth Berg looked good with both bat and ball, making 34 and taking 6 for 46 in the match; Ollie Rayner batted well for 32* and caught well at second slip; Tim Murtagh took 5 wickets for 102; and Steve Finn slashed a quick 32 (and shared a surprising 9th wicket stand of 60 with Rayner) and took 5 for 58 in the match. Corey Collymore bowled as well as anyone in the first innings (10-2-21-2), but was not himself in the second innings and retired to the dressing room after 8 wicketless overs; Chris Rogers helped Newman add 65 for the first wicket, but he has not found form so far either with the bat (he averages 12 so far in five innings) or in the slips and he too retired to the dressing room with a finger injury and did not bat in the second innings; Neil Dexter skippered well and picked up two wickets with his medium pacers, but failed twice with the bat.
Essex played poorly in this match and suffered the humiliation of losing all 20 wickets in the day on day 2 in 92 overs and they can justifiably point the finger at their senior players: Test men Cook, Bopara and Foster made 65 runs between them for six times out, while Matt Walker made 3 runs in two innings. By contrast, 22 year old Tom Westley (36 and 59) and 21 year old Jaik Mickleburgh (41) made the three best batting contributions for their side and Don Topley's 17 year old son Reece (in his second first class match and after only one Second XI appearance) took 5 for 64 in the first innings with his awkward left arm fast medium. Not wanting to let the youngsters have all the recognition, 33 year old opening bowler, David Masters bowled very well to take 4 for 58 in the match off his 25 overs. Middx 21 points, Essex 3.
I wish I could be more enthusiastic about the return of JWMD. As an experienced batsman and spin bowler, he ought to be ideal, but his form in recent years, especially with the ball, has been poor. Last season he averaged 25 with the bat and 35 with the ball... if only it were the other way round! One advantage he will have this season, however, is that he will not have to compete with proven spinners like Croft and Cosker.
An afternoon in Derby
My monthly business meeting in April finished before lunch and with the continued fine weather prevailing I persuaded myself that I should drive home via Derby where I had noted the unbeaten Middlesex side were doing battle. I had never been to this ground before but assumed it would be well sign posted as I got close. The battery of ring roads and through routes confronted me as I approached from the south but I held my nerve and eventually spotted some floodlights and a small sign at the side of yet another major junction confirmed that I had arrived. I was pleased to find that there was parking on the ground itself but less pleased to have to part with £20 for the privilege of using it and ground admission as well. The attendant was singularly unimpressed by my Middlesex membership card or by my lie that it gained me admission to Middlesex matches across the country. He then had the nerve to charge me another 60p for a score card which not only had not been updated for the morning’s play but also didn’t reflect changes in the published sides.
Still the sun was out and I easily found my way to a new metallic stand which gave an excellent vantage point more or less behind the bowler’s arm at the north end of the ground. This has only been the case for a couple of seasons since this is one of the grounds, of which Old Trafford is the next, who have had to turn their squares through ninety degrees to facilitate evening play in the various Mickey Mouse competitions. The scoreboard read 79 for 5 but the crowd near me were in surprisingly good heart. This turned out to be because they were travelling Middlesex supporters who spent much of the afternoon discussing the relative merits of the various local accommodation available and presence or not of Wi-Fi, whatever that is.
The wicket looked very green considering the recent warm spell and from ninety yards away looked to have a lot of grass on it. The spectators thought that all the bowlers had been spot on but it was Gareth Berg who had taken four wickets in seven overs during the morning session. Therefore, I was a little surprised when Murtagh and Collymore started the bowling in the post lunch session. This was the first of several concerns I had about Dexter’s captaincy over the ensuing couple of hours. Both bowlers, nevertheless, looked dangerous and it was no surprise when Redfern edged to slip to reduce Derbyshire to 81 for 6. John Clare joined the returning skipper, Luke Sutton, and they took the score to 101 when the latter was bowled by Murtagh. By this time Berg had belatedly joined the attack and Corey Collymore didn’t endear himself by dropping Groenwald from a dolly leading edge at mid on. Nevertheless, Murtagh was rampant and had Clare caught off a loose shot by Newman at cover.
The wicket was seaming all over the place and Murtagh, Collymore and Berg had pitched the ball up and let the seam and the surface do the rest. At 106 for 8 the innings should have been wrapped up in a couple of overs but Dexter decided the best way to do that was to bowl Finn and Rayner. Finn presumably had been reading a comic at long leg and missed the rest of the proceedings since he decided that fast long hops down the leg side were the best way to remove the tail. Ross Whiteley clubbed Rayner for six and Finn conceded freely. Collymore and Newman seemed to be skippering the side at this point as Dexter seemed to have no idea how to keep him away from the strike. He also persevered with Finn and Rayner. Finn eventually pitched one up around off stump and had Groenewald caught behind by Simpson who distinguished himself on this occasion by not only getting a hand on the ball but also hanging on to it. This was 132 for 9 but it was not until the score hade reached 154 that Rayner caught and bowled a mighty slog from Whiteley. The final two wickets had added 48 precious runs on what, at that point, had looked like a low scoring match.
Tea was taken and then Rogers and Newman came out to face thirty four overs. It was one of those days when you wondered whether the surface would have become easier as the hot sun had been on it but Groenewald and Palladino started beating the bat and getting prodigious movement of their own. Newman, in particular, struggled but he was the first to get out of the blocks with some well struck boundaries. The score had progressed to 30 when he got a leading edge which was well caught by Greg Smith, one of three South Africans in the Derbyshire side, at mid on. Dan Housego with Jeff Coleman’s kit on his back joined Rogers who mixed looking comfortable with intermittent playing and missing. Rogers was fed a goodly selection of loose stuff and progressed to 66 by the close. Housego, on the other hand was becalmed on 5 for ages but when Palladino returned he clipped him away square on the offside for a couple of fours and finished unbeaten on 24. Middlesex had reached 115 for 1 by the close and looked well set to dominate the match.
Red Mist Matters
On Monday 11 April Bangladesh scored 229 for 7 from their fifty overs on what was described as a slow wicket. They thought that it could be a competitive total. In the event Australia won by nine wickets with twenty-four overs to spare. This means that they scored at nine runs an over and that is impressive but not exceptional in itself. What was extraordinary was that 185 were made by Shane Watson who hit fifteen sixes and fifteen fours from just 96 deliveries. Last year Tendulkar scored 200 in a fifty over match. If Watson had batted at the same rate for the full fifty overs and stayed in he would have reached 355. Watson’s innings broke a whole string of records that will take some beating. Plenty of people have serious hitting for fifties or even hundreds, the remarkable thing was the magnitude of his score.
Two days later at the same venue Australia won the toss and elected to bat and so Bangladesh took the field to face Watson again who in effect was to continue his innings. He didn’t last long on this occasion and faced just forty balls but he did score 72 which included three sixes and eleven fours. Therefore, he scored 257 before being dismissed and hit eighteen sixes and twenty six fours from 136 deliveries.
South Hampstead Dinner Matters
I arrived at the pre assembly location of Bob Peach’s house to be greeted with the news that Don Wallis had been taken ill and would not be attending. This was a blow but it was softened by the large group Bob had managed to assemble – Bill Hart, Robin Ager, Allan Cox, Russell Bowes, Steve Thompson and Alvin Nienow. When we arrived at the club we were joined by Terry Cordaroy, Allen Bruton and Ossie Burton.
Russell Bowes, Alvin Nienow, Robin Ager, Bob Peach, Bill Hart, Allan Cox, Jim Sharp and Steve Thompson
Bob Peach’s size moves in cycles and after last year’s outsize version this year it is a slim lined Bob who is invisible when he stands sideways. Someone asked him how he managed his wardrobe through these changing clothing requirements. He replied that it was easy as he had every size in trouser from 32” to 42” that Marks and Spencer supply ranked on hangers to ensure sartorial elegance at each stage.
During the course of the dinner there was the inevitable reflection on matches past and Bill Hart noted that his researches had revealed that Allen Bruton had been more of a bowler when he joined the club. Allen then made the somewhat surprising claim that he had taken a wicket in an international match which turned out to be in a mid week match against the Bermudan touring team.
Terry Cordaroy was not to be outdone by such bowling tales and he recalled a match against Durham University in which he had taken a hat trick but none of his colleagues in the Wednesday side had noticed because the wickets had been split between overs and their attention span did not extend that far.
David Jukes often gets a mention in such company and many say that despite his ferocious hitting reputation they had not seen him play a big innings. Bill Hart was able to give the simple explanation- he said that all you had to do was bowl at him because he was frit. He would soon capitulate.
At the dinner it was announced that Dipak Palmar had taken over as Chairman. He spoke at the dinner for the nineteenth year running. He must be about fifty. I have only got to know him a little in recent years through the dinner and Googlies. He was well known and much loved around the circuit. I got an email in April saying that he had died unexpectedly last week. It is a bitter blow to a club that is so short of club men. The good news is that Don is now out of intensive care. His gentle, empathetic style was sorely missed at the dinner.
Taunton Matters
Banger proclaimed that he couldn’t understand why his side got beaten by Warwicks by an innings and plenty at Taunton in April. This puts him way up the dingbats list for 2011. Can he not remember that he won the toss and put the visitors in? This is the best batting track over the last decade with some of the shortest boundaries on the circuit. What is there not to understand? If a side gets the break of being put in in such circumstances, fills their boots and racks up 600 plus they are well on their way to victory. The other side who have given it all away are bound to be discouraged and can easily be rolled over.
More Taunton Matters
I received from Harry Compton a modern day fable by David Henry Wilson published in the Taunton CC magazine. I was grateful to receive it but do not have the room to include it. It was also a photo copy which would require a mammoth typing job. I am always happy to receive contributions but would appreciate them being in email or Word format.
World Cup Matters
Paul Sheridan an SBCC man is based in Muscat, Sultanate of Oman. He sent me this
I'm a regular reader of G&C - well like all others who involuntarily receive this publication I fast forward to the delights of Football Matters & then if I have time to waste I might read some of the other nonsense. I believe my subscription was paid by Steve Wright or perhaps it was Ian Rocker Robinson - however I'll stick with Steve because to admit to any form of relationship with Rocker will inevitably lead to questions about my own sanity. What has prompted me to write today - the day of the World Cup Final - is that last week I popped across to Colombo to watch England beat Sri Lanka. For those who have not been to Sri Lanka, if you are lucky enough to have the opportunity you should go. The people are friendly, the roads terrifying (but I like a bit of fear), the countryside and beaches unbeatable and the food (especially at the Cinnamon Grand in Colombo) exceptional. It's a bit like India but without all the smells which is probably something to do with more rain and less spitting, and other even more unpleasant activities in the open air or up against a wall.
But a word of warning - if you go do all you can to avoid any World Cup matches. Of course England lost by ten wickets and my Sri Lankan friends tell me this is the cause of my frustrations. In fact England did well to lose by only ten wickets. The wicket was so slow that our batsmen just couldn't come to terms with it and in my view they did remarkably well to reach 229. I'm sure that if Trott, Bopara, Morgan ...had tried to hit the skin off the ball we would have got nowhere near 150. And the bowlers - well Bresnan tried and tried and I thought bowled well, as did Swann. But with Tremlett unable to bowl a yorker and hardly any of his balls going on to hit the wicket, Tharanga and Dilshan knew they could pick off the required runs with relative ease.
But the main reason for this message - the noise!! It was more like a rock concert than a cricket match. I've been to the odd rock concert - not many I'll admit and those I went to I usually left well before the end preferring a few pints before closing rather than resting my ears next to the biggest loud speaker in the world, which seemed to appeal to some of my good friends in days gone by. Anyway rock concerts, as far as I know, do not go on for 7/8 hours whereas the Sri Lanka v England match did and there was hardly a moment during these 7/8 hours when some idiotic music was not blasting out of speakers all around the ground and teams of professional drummers in white Michael Jackson suits plying their trade between the crowd & the boundary rope (well these days not rope but funny little triangular rubber things so that there is even more advertising around the ground).
I shall complete my old fart whinge by hopefully making clear quite how bad it was. There were the usual huge replay screens in the four "corners" of the ground and whenever just a little peace and quiet happened to descend on the ground (perhaps when the drummers had gone for a leak which presumably they had to once in a while like the rest of us), up on the screens popped "Noiseometres" - yes, you have read correctly "Noiseometres". At the same time the prat in the brown suit with the microphone (no the prat in the elephant outfit was a different prat) who spent the intervals leading idiotic games with various spectators (e.g. women trying to catch cricket balls - still no success) announces to the crowd that we are all far too quiet and that until we make enough noise to get the Noiseometre up in to the bright red "6" range, he will keep on encouraging us to do so. A form of torture for some of us but given that it was clear that probably 50 % of the crowd had never watched a cricket match before and certainly no more than a handful even knew what a Test match was, I suppose it saved them all the cost of flying to Orlando...or going to a Rolling Stones concert.
Scrubs Matters
Steve Caley adds to the Morgan/Adams recollections of playing inside
I remember a couple of things..........
1) I played two games for the Bush (without a great deal of distinction I fear) but it was on both occasions due to:
a) Their being short of a player
b) My having slept on the Adams lounge floor after school cricket on the Saturday
c) On one of the occasions it was a preferred way to spend the day as against revising for English Lit A level.
I did think of joining the club when I left school but then the brain engaged and I remembered that I lived in Putney (south of the river) and that the Bush was located north and the games even more so for the most part, so I did the sensible thing and stayed south also as, not having a car, it would have been a nightmare to get to and fro any of the games, even the home ones.
My other memory is of playing in the prison. It is true that all the players and spectators were long term prisoners, lifers in many cases, and that there were some horror stories of dead fathers with bread knives due to beating mother (again) and to dead girl friends in boots of cars (after giving the "Dear John: I think) and, it was the smell that tipped off the boys in blue where the missing person could be found. Much fun at the time although I agree that fielding on the (short) boundary could be a bit scary. The water in the ball bit was actually a good idea as it took out the tennis ball bounce, which phrase is now in vogue of course, but which then was just a good and valid description.
We did the same in Swaziland when playing a primitive version of indoor cricket before that also became popular. After a few unfortunate blows, when batting, it became sensible to just wear shorts, a t-shirt, trainers but also a box! We filled them (the tennis balls) only half full so they did swerve a bit also.
Old Danes Gathering
The fifth annual Old Danes Gathering will be held on Friday 29 July at Shepherds Bush CC from 2pm. This has been a popular opportunity to meet old faces and renew acquaintances. Over a hundred alumni have attended the previous events and you are encouraged to contact others and bring along your own core party. There will be a bar open all afternoon and food will be available. Some have to travel considerable distances and wives, partners and guests will be most welcome.
In Memoriam
Roy Dodson advises me that in addition to Dipak Palmar’s sad demise noted above South Hampstead also lost Keith Lipscombe and Maurice Applegate recently.
Rangers Matters
Promotion as Champions at least until they dock us points. The agony starts here. Don Shearwood and George both sent me the picture in the Independent of QPR greats. I only identified Stan, TV and Phil Parkes and even failed to get the Morgan twins.
Football Matters
Some would say that Andrew Baker is lucky to have Kelvin West on hand to assist with handling his Ladies team. Recently after Andrew had banned them from body painting and tattoos they threatened to strike and so Andrew had to perform a U-turn and he summoned Kelvin to make the arrangements. Kelvin was only too happy to oblige and he soon had them smiling again.
Googlies and Chinamen
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Tel & fax: 01298 70237
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An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 101
May 2011
Caption Competition-1
Vinny Codrington: Four wins from four matches. What have you cynical bastards at Googlies got to say about that?
Googlies: Well done!
Caption Competition-2
Bill Hart: I only came to see Robin Ager. Why didn’t someone say that he wasn’t coming?
Allen Bruton: That’s odd. I’ve no idea why I am here.
Paddy Carlin: Did you know that you are wearing carpet slippers, Allen?
Out and About with the Professor
“It is Yorkshire’s start to the season that has been the most eye-catching, their defeat by Nottinghamshire notwithstanding. A combination of the IPL, economic headwinds and incentive payments have meant a greater focus than at any recent time on young English players and it is Yorkshire who are leading the way with a young home-nurtured squad. This is, of course, exactly how it should be.” Thus Michael Atherton, the “Sports Journalist of the Year”, in yesterday’s Times.
And this was written before Atherton would have known that Yorkshire had spirited Barney Gibson away from his GCSE studies to become the youngest ever first class cricketer in England. Master Gibson was quoted as saying that he was not only pleased to play but also happy to have missed maths and science lessons unaware, of course, that cricket is both maths and science, and art, and economics and indeed all human intellectual and physical endeavour in one.
However, the question remains as to the viability of the Yorkshire model of playing “home-nurtured” players in the first division of the County Championship. It may, in Atherton’s view, be “how it should be” it is not, of course, how it is; and while the Former England Captain may be laying down a challenge to Hume’s Law, it is worth a moments speculation as to the likely outcome.
Last week I went to the final day of the “notwithstanding” match against Notts. Given that Yorkshire got 336 in their first innings (due largely to a fine hundred by their young captain Gale) and that with six wickets down in their second innings and not yet equalling the Yorkshire first innings score Notts were on the point of defeat, I went with a slightly smug confidence for the success of my adopted County. Indeed, I was on the point of wondering if it was worth going at all since it was likely to be all over by lunchtime. How many games of cricket have I played? How many games of cricket have I watched? How many times have I told people to avoid hubris in all things…and most especially cricket?
I was not home at lunchtime celebrating a Yorkshire victory but at supper time reflecting on a Yorkshire defeat. The Notts innings was rescued by their captain Read and the impressive young Stephen Mullaney. I have seen Read bat on several occasions in the last couple of years – he always makes runs but I can never work out how. His technique seems to be to belt the bad balls for four and to completely miss the good ones…it appears to be a successful strategy. However all Read’s swishing only got Notts to a lead of 144 which was less than Gale got on his own in the first innings. But, it is here that the Atherton conjecture kicks-in. Yorkshire do not have a non-qualified (NQ) player this year. This could be interpreted as adopting a high moral tone were it not for the fact that I know that all their budget was spent on Sidebottom (who had apparently asked for £200,000 but was “knocked-down a bit”). Now I think Sidebottom will do very well this season, but it has meant that there is no money to replace Jacques Rudolph, whose 2,500 runs in all cricket last year are close to irreplaceable. One can never say that with Rudolph in the side Yorkshire would have knocked off the runs but the miserable 86 all out could surely have been avoided.
So the question is this: is it possible to succeed in the Championship without an NQ player? If it is, then why are there so many? If, as seems fairly clear, that it isn’t, then I fear for Yorkshire… notwithstanding the Atherton approval.
Lions Matters
The Great Jack Morgan expounds
I am sure I must have complained about the England Performance Squad before, but just what is it all about? No selecting has gone on at all here: it is just a list of 27 blokes who have been in squads fairly recently, including Test specialists even though this squad is (apparently) for ODIs and T20s. As well as the Test specialists, it also includes a captain who does not play T20s and is widely expected to retire from ODIs, another captain who appears to be over the hill and who is unfit anyway, a former batting star whose skills are waning and who is also unfit, two pace bowlers who had to pull out of the WC because of lack of fitness, another pace bowler who has been unfit for 15 months and has had no cricket whatsoever and another WC player who is in deep trouble with Trescothick’s Disease. What is the point of it? Why didn’t they wait until the situation was clearer regarding the blokes I have just mentioned? I suppose because the squad is meaningless anyway? They seem to want to reassure everyone that they are not being prematurely axed, but what about the successes of the Lions tour (Hildreth and Briggs spring to mind): why do they not get a little encouragement?
The Googlies 100 Lunch
The Googlies 100 lunch turned out to be an all day affair in a box at Lords. The Professor kindly agreed to arrange the event and once Bob Baxter offered his services a suitably grand occasion ensued. The powers that be at Lord’s obviously expected us to be a rowdy bunch since they located our box a quarter of a mile away from the nearest spectator and even further from the action. They also ensured that there would be no hot weather excessive drinking as the box got no sun and received a decidedly chilly breeze all day. But all this did nothing to dampen the spirits of those attendees who were clearly in a celebratory mood.
It has become the vogue nowadays for members in the inner circle at Radlett/Lord’s to sponsor the kit of individual players. I noted last month that Jeff Coleman and Geoff Norris were sponsoring Dan Housego’s Championship and one day kit respectively. We now learned that Les Berry, who visited the box with John Adcock, was sponsoring Ben Scott’s kit. All this is a bit weird since it is the team sponsor’s name that appears on the kit and the personal sponsor gets no mention. Perhaps it should and there was considerable speculation as to what additional wording should appear on Dan Housego’s shirt in respect of Jeff Coleman’s ownership of it. I then tried to get Jack Morgan to sponsor my cricket watching kit but he would have none of it and pointed out that he normally supplied most of it anyway when we visited the breezy south coast venues of Hove and the Rose Bowl.
There was a stream of visitors to the box during the course of the day including the Middlesex President, Geoff Norris, who had the ever present Ron Broome at his side as his minder. The latter had the notable distinction of outdoing Bill Hart in an exchange of banter regarding Old Grammarian footballers which left the latter uncharacteristically speechless. Bob Peach is always trying to provoke confrontation and inveigled Vinny Codrington to look in to meet his Googlies critics. However, Bob was frustrated as he chatted amiably with me and then at length with the Great Jack Morgan.
Back row: Mike Jordan and Jeff Coleman
Middle row: Paddy Carlin and John Adams
Front row: Douglas Miller, Eric Tracey and Jack Morgan
Back Row: Allen Bruton and Roger Kingdon
Front row: Bill Hart, Terry Cordaroy and Alvin Nienow
After lunch Bill Hart set up a group of experts to try to select the Shits XI and the normal suspects were trotted out Jack Hyams and all of Dusty Millers’ Mill Hill side of the sixties. However, he ran into embarrassment when it became apparent that some South Hampstead players probably qualified and he drew the discussion to a halt once his and Don Wallis and his names had been penciled in. I asked him who he would have as Umpire for this side and he had no hesitation in nominating the famous High Wycombe umpire.
Douglas Miller is from the cricket statistician fraternity and he posed various teasers throughout the proceedings. He asked me why the current moment was most likely to produce a successful LBW appeal. Whilst I was pondering my response Scott Newman was given out serendipitously by Neil Mallender. The answer turned out to be because Neil Mallender was officiating and he has given more LBWs than any other umpire in the history of the game. As I reflected on this I started to wonder how he knew this since records historically, at least, were not maintained of which umpire gave which decisions. He explained that the matches in which Mallender officiated had the highest incidence of LBWs and if you assumed that his partners gave on average the norm of decisions then Mallender must be giving the most. I then pondered as to why these people spend their time worrying about such matters.
As to the cricket Surrey committed the Banger error of putting Middlesex in. It seemed to have paid off at 28 for 3 and then 90 for 4 at lunch but Dexter and Simpson batted beautifully and added 254 before Dexter was dismissed just before the close for 145. Simpson finished unbeaten on 112 and Middlesex were well on the way to another victory.
Middlesex Matters
The Great Jack Morgan supplies his view on the start of the new season
Essex won the toss and put Middlesex in at Lord's. It was a cool and overcast day, so this was not surprising, but the pitch was nowhere near as green as the billiard tables we had at Lord's last April. Middlesex's total of 277 was very disappointing as nine batsmen made 15 or more, yet none could go on to more than 38. The Essex seamers were finding some movement, but most of the home batsmen looked in good nick so it was puzzling that a bigger total could not be posted. The Essex batsmen soon made the Middlesex total look huge, however, as they were shot out by the Middlesex pace bowlers for 115 in only 33.2 overs. Following on, Essex did rather better, managing 215 this time, but Middlesex could probably have had them out for less except for the need to use slower bowlers in order to avoid a points penalty for a slow over rate. Middlesex then knocked off the 54 needed for victory by eight wickets.
Despite the fact that nobody played a major innings, many of the Middlesex players had quite satisfactory matches in this low scoring game: Scott Newman top scored in both innings with 38 and 38*; Dawid Malan made 29, 12* and held three good slip catches; John Simpson batted well for 32 and took five catches behind the stumps; Gareth Berg looked good with both bat and ball, making 34 and taking 6 for 46 in the match; Ollie Rayner batted well for 32* and caught well at second slip; Tim Murtagh took 5 wickets for 102; and Steve Finn slashed a quick 32 (and shared a surprising 9th wicket stand of 60 with Rayner) and took 5 for 58 in the match. Corey Collymore bowled as well as anyone in the first innings (10-2-21-2), but was not himself in the second innings and retired to the dressing room after 8 wicketless overs; Chris Rogers helped Newman add 65 for the first wicket, but he has not found form so far either with the bat (he averages 12 so far in five innings) or in the slips and he too retired to the dressing room with a finger injury and did not bat in the second innings; Neil Dexter skippered well and picked up two wickets with his medium pacers, but failed twice with the bat.
Essex played poorly in this match and suffered the humiliation of losing all 20 wickets in the day on day 2 in 92 overs and they can justifiably point the finger at their senior players: Test men Cook, Bopara and Foster made 65 runs between them for six times out, while Matt Walker made 3 runs in two innings. By contrast, 22 year old Tom Westley (36 and 59) and 21 year old Jaik Mickleburgh (41) made the three best batting contributions for their side and Don Topley's 17 year old son Reece (in his second first class match and after only one Second XI appearance) took 5 for 64 in the first innings with his awkward left arm fast medium. Not wanting to let the youngsters have all the recognition, 33 year old opening bowler, David Masters bowled very well to take 4 for 58 in the match off his 25 overs. Middx 21 points, Essex 3.
I wish I could be more enthusiastic about the return of JWMD. As an experienced batsman and spin bowler, he ought to be ideal, but his form in recent years, especially with the ball, has been poor. Last season he averaged 25 with the bat and 35 with the ball... if only it were the other way round! One advantage he will have this season, however, is that he will not have to compete with proven spinners like Croft and Cosker.
An afternoon in Derby
My monthly business meeting in April finished before lunch and with the continued fine weather prevailing I persuaded myself that I should drive home via Derby where I had noted the unbeaten Middlesex side were doing battle. I had never been to this ground before but assumed it would be well sign posted as I got close. The battery of ring roads and through routes confronted me as I approached from the south but I held my nerve and eventually spotted some floodlights and a small sign at the side of yet another major junction confirmed that I had arrived. I was pleased to find that there was parking on the ground itself but less pleased to have to part with £20 for the privilege of using it and ground admission as well. The attendant was singularly unimpressed by my Middlesex membership card or by my lie that it gained me admission to Middlesex matches across the country. He then had the nerve to charge me another 60p for a score card which not only had not been updated for the morning’s play but also didn’t reflect changes in the published sides.
Still the sun was out and I easily found my way to a new metallic stand which gave an excellent vantage point more or less behind the bowler’s arm at the north end of the ground. This has only been the case for a couple of seasons since this is one of the grounds, of which Old Trafford is the next, who have had to turn their squares through ninety degrees to facilitate evening play in the various Mickey Mouse competitions. The scoreboard read 79 for 5 but the crowd near me were in surprisingly good heart. This turned out to be because they were travelling Middlesex supporters who spent much of the afternoon discussing the relative merits of the various local accommodation available and presence or not of Wi-Fi, whatever that is.
The wicket looked very green considering the recent warm spell and from ninety yards away looked to have a lot of grass on it. The spectators thought that all the bowlers had been spot on but it was Gareth Berg who had taken four wickets in seven overs during the morning session. Therefore, I was a little surprised when Murtagh and Collymore started the bowling in the post lunch session. This was the first of several concerns I had about Dexter’s captaincy over the ensuing couple of hours. Both bowlers, nevertheless, looked dangerous and it was no surprise when Redfern edged to slip to reduce Derbyshire to 81 for 6. John Clare joined the returning skipper, Luke Sutton, and they took the score to 101 when the latter was bowled by Murtagh. By this time Berg had belatedly joined the attack and Corey Collymore didn’t endear himself by dropping Groenwald from a dolly leading edge at mid on. Nevertheless, Murtagh was rampant and had Clare caught off a loose shot by Newman at cover.
The wicket was seaming all over the place and Murtagh, Collymore and Berg had pitched the ball up and let the seam and the surface do the rest. At 106 for 8 the innings should have been wrapped up in a couple of overs but Dexter decided the best way to do that was to bowl Finn and Rayner. Finn presumably had been reading a comic at long leg and missed the rest of the proceedings since he decided that fast long hops down the leg side were the best way to remove the tail. Ross Whiteley clubbed Rayner for six and Finn conceded freely. Collymore and Newman seemed to be skippering the side at this point as Dexter seemed to have no idea how to keep him away from the strike. He also persevered with Finn and Rayner. Finn eventually pitched one up around off stump and had Groenewald caught behind by Simpson who distinguished himself on this occasion by not only getting a hand on the ball but also hanging on to it. This was 132 for 9 but it was not until the score hade reached 154 that Rayner caught and bowled a mighty slog from Whiteley. The final two wickets had added 48 precious runs on what, at that point, had looked like a low scoring match.
Tea was taken and then Rogers and Newman came out to face thirty four overs. It was one of those days when you wondered whether the surface would have become easier as the hot sun had been on it but Groenewald and Palladino started beating the bat and getting prodigious movement of their own. Newman, in particular, struggled but he was the first to get out of the blocks with some well struck boundaries. The score had progressed to 30 when he got a leading edge which was well caught by Greg Smith, one of three South Africans in the Derbyshire side, at mid on. Dan Housego with Jeff Coleman’s kit on his back joined Rogers who mixed looking comfortable with intermittent playing and missing. Rogers was fed a goodly selection of loose stuff and progressed to 66 by the close. Housego, on the other hand was becalmed on 5 for ages but when Palladino returned he clipped him away square on the offside for a couple of fours and finished unbeaten on 24. Middlesex had reached 115 for 1 by the close and looked well set to dominate the match.
Red Mist Matters
On Monday 11 April Bangladesh scored 229 for 7 from their fifty overs on what was described as a slow wicket. They thought that it could be a competitive total. In the event Australia won by nine wickets with twenty-four overs to spare. This means that they scored at nine runs an over and that is impressive but not exceptional in itself. What was extraordinary was that 185 were made by Shane Watson who hit fifteen sixes and fifteen fours from just 96 deliveries. Last year Tendulkar scored 200 in a fifty over match. If Watson had batted at the same rate for the full fifty overs and stayed in he would have reached 355. Watson’s innings broke a whole string of records that will take some beating. Plenty of people have serious hitting for fifties or even hundreds, the remarkable thing was the magnitude of his score.
Two days later at the same venue Australia won the toss and elected to bat and so Bangladesh took the field to face Watson again who in effect was to continue his innings. He didn’t last long on this occasion and faced just forty balls but he did score 72 which included three sixes and eleven fours. Therefore, he scored 257 before being dismissed and hit eighteen sixes and twenty six fours from 136 deliveries.
South Hampstead Dinner Matters
I arrived at the pre assembly location of Bob Peach’s house to be greeted with the news that Don Wallis had been taken ill and would not be attending. This was a blow but it was softened by the large group Bob had managed to assemble – Bill Hart, Robin Ager, Allan Cox, Russell Bowes, Steve Thompson and Alvin Nienow. When we arrived at the club we were joined by Terry Cordaroy, Allen Bruton and Ossie Burton.
Russell Bowes, Alvin Nienow, Robin Ager, Bob Peach, Bill Hart, Allan Cox, Jim Sharp and Steve Thompson
Bob Peach’s size moves in cycles and after last year’s outsize version this year it is a slim lined Bob who is invisible when he stands sideways. Someone asked him how he managed his wardrobe through these changing clothing requirements. He replied that it was easy as he had every size in trouser from 32” to 42” that Marks and Spencer supply ranked on hangers to ensure sartorial elegance at each stage.
During the course of the dinner there was the inevitable reflection on matches past and Bill Hart noted that his researches had revealed that Allen Bruton had been more of a bowler when he joined the club. Allen then made the somewhat surprising claim that he had taken a wicket in an international match which turned out to be in a mid week match against the Bermudan touring team.
Terry Cordaroy was not to be outdone by such bowling tales and he recalled a match against Durham University in which he had taken a hat trick but none of his colleagues in the Wednesday side had noticed because the wickets had been split between overs and their attention span did not extend that far.
David Jukes often gets a mention in such company and many say that despite his ferocious hitting reputation they had not seen him play a big innings. Bill Hart was able to give the simple explanation- he said that all you had to do was bowl at him because he was frit. He would soon capitulate.
At the dinner it was announced that Dipak Palmar had taken over as Chairman. He spoke at the dinner for the nineteenth year running. He must be about fifty. I have only got to know him a little in recent years through the dinner and Googlies. He was well known and much loved around the circuit. I got an email in April saying that he had died unexpectedly last week. It is a bitter blow to a club that is so short of club men. The good news is that Don is now out of intensive care. His gentle, empathetic style was sorely missed at the dinner.
Taunton Matters
Banger proclaimed that he couldn’t understand why his side got beaten by Warwicks by an innings and plenty at Taunton in April. This puts him way up the dingbats list for 2011. Can he not remember that he won the toss and put the visitors in? This is the best batting track over the last decade with some of the shortest boundaries on the circuit. What is there not to understand? If a side gets the break of being put in in such circumstances, fills their boots and racks up 600 plus they are well on their way to victory. The other side who have given it all away are bound to be discouraged and can easily be rolled over.
More Taunton Matters
I received from Harry Compton a modern day fable by David Henry Wilson published in the Taunton CC magazine. I was grateful to receive it but do not have the room to include it. It was also a photo copy which would require a mammoth typing job. I am always happy to receive contributions but would appreciate them being in email or Word format.
World Cup Matters
Paul Sheridan an SBCC man is based in Muscat, Sultanate of Oman. He sent me this
I'm a regular reader of G&C - well like all others who involuntarily receive this publication I fast forward to the delights of Football Matters & then if I have time to waste I might read some of the other nonsense. I believe my subscription was paid by Steve Wright or perhaps it was Ian Rocker Robinson - however I'll stick with Steve because to admit to any form of relationship with Rocker will inevitably lead to questions about my own sanity. What has prompted me to write today - the day of the World Cup Final - is that last week I popped across to Colombo to watch England beat Sri Lanka. For those who have not been to Sri Lanka, if you are lucky enough to have the opportunity you should go. The people are friendly, the roads terrifying (but I like a bit of fear), the countryside and beaches unbeatable and the food (especially at the Cinnamon Grand in Colombo) exceptional. It's a bit like India but without all the smells which is probably something to do with more rain and less spitting, and other even more unpleasant activities in the open air or up against a wall.
But a word of warning - if you go do all you can to avoid any World Cup matches. Of course England lost by ten wickets and my Sri Lankan friends tell me this is the cause of my frustrations. In fact England did well to lose by only ten wickets. The wicket was so slow that our batsmen just couldn't come to terms with it and in my view they did remarkably well to reach 229. I'm sure that if Trott, Bopara, Morgan ...had tried to hit the skin off the ball we would have got nowhere near 150. And the bowlers - well Bresnan tried and tried and I thought bowled well, as did Swann. But with Tremlett unable to bowl a yorker and hardly any of his balls going on to hit the wicket, Tharanga and Dilshan knew they could pick off the required runs with relative ease.
But the main reason for this message - the noise!! It was more like a rock concert than a cricket match. I've been to the odd rock concert - not many I'll admit and those I went to I usually left well before the end preferring a few pints before closing rather than resting my ears next to the biggest loud speaker in the world, which seemed to appeal to some of my good friends in days gone by. Anyway rock concerts, as far as I know, do not go on for 7/8 hours whereas the Sri Lanka v England match did and there was hardly a moment during these 7/8 hours when some idiotic music was not blasting out of speakers all around the ground and teams of professional drummers in white Michael Jackson suits plying their trade between the crowd & the boundary rope (well these days not rope but funny little triangular rubber things so that there is even more advertising around the ground).
I shall complete my old fart whinge by hopefully making clear quite how bad it was. There were the usual huge replay screens in the four "corners" of the ground and whenever just a little peace and quiet happened to descend on the ground (perhaps when the drummers had gone for a leak which presumably they had to once in a while like the rest of us), up on the screens popped "Noiseometres" - yes, you have read correctly "Noiseometres". At the same time the prat in the brown suit with the microphone (no the prat in the elephant outfit was a different prat) who spent the intervals leading idiotic games with various spectators (e.g. women trying to catch cricket balls - still no success) announces to the crowd that we are all far too quiet and that until we make enough noise to get the Noiseometre up in to the bright red "6" range, he will keep on encouraging us to do so. A form of torture for some of us but given that it was clear that probably 50 % of the crowd had never watched a cricket match before and certainly no more than a handful even knew what a Test match was, I suppose it saved them all the cost of flying to Orlando...or going to a Rolling Stones concert.
Scrubs Matters
Steve Caley adds to the Morgan/Adams recollections of playing inside
I remember a couple of things..........
1) I played two games for the Bush (without a great deal of distinction I fear) but it was on both occasions due to:
a) Their being short of a player
b) My having slept on the Adams lounge floor after school cricket on the Saturday
c) On one of the occasions it was a preferred way to spend the day as against revising for English Lit A level.
I did think of joining the club when I left school but then the brain engaged and I remembered that I lived in Putney (south of the river) and that the Bush was located north and the games even more so for the most part, so I did the sensible thing and stayed south also as, not having a car, it would have been a nightmare to get to and fro any of the games, even the home ones.
My other memory is of playing in the prison. It is true that all the players and spectators were long term prisoners, lifers in many cases, and that there were some horror stories of dead fathers with bread knives due to beating mother (again) and to dead girl friends in boots of cars (after giving the "Dear John: I think) and, it was the smell that tipped off the boys in blue where the missing person could be found. Much fun at the time although I agree that fielding on the (short) boundary could be a bit scary. The water in the ball bit was actually a good idea as it took out the tennis ball bounce, which phrase is now in vogue of course, but which then was just a good and valid description.
We did the same in Swaziland when playing a primitive version of indoor cricket before that also became popular. After a few unfortunate blows, when batting, it became sensible to just wear shorts, a t-shirt, trainers but also a box! We filled them (the tennis balls) only half full so they did swerve a bit also.
Old Danes Gathering
The fifth annual Old Danes Gathering will be held on Friday 29 July at Shepherds Bush CC from 2pm. This has been a popular opportunity to meet old faces and renew acquaintances. Over a hundred alumni have attended the previous events and you are encouraged to contact others and bring along your own core party. There will be a bar open all afternoon and food will be available. Some have to travel considerable distances and wives, partners and guests will be most welcome.
In Memoriam
Roy Dodson advises me that in addition to Dipak Palmar’s sad demise noted above South Hampstead also lost Keith Lipscombe and Maurice Applegate recently.
Rangers Matters
Promotion as Champions at least until they dock us points. The agony starts here. Don Shearwood and George both sent me the picture in the Independent of QPR greats. I only identified Stan, TV and Phil Parkes and even failed to get the Morgan twins.
Football Matters
Some would say that Andrew Baker is lucky to have Kelvin West on hand to assist with handling his Ladies team. Recently after Andrew had banned them from body painting and tattoos they threatened to strike and so Andrew had to perform a U-turn and he summoned Kelvin to make the arrangements. Kelvin was only too happy to oblige and he soon had them smiling again.
Googlies and Chinamen
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