G&C 159

GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 159
March 2016
Caption Competition
 

1.   Sam Billings: Why are we wearing these ridiculous orange shirts?
    Joe Root: The ECB got them cheap from the Dutch soccer team.
 
2.   Eion Morgan: Can someone remind me how many matches we can afford to lose at the World Cup?
 
3.   Jason Roy: It’s amazing that if you dive around a lot nobody seems to count up the dropped catches.
     Jos Buttler: Or the missed stumpings
     Reece Topley: Or the missed run outs
 
4.   Jonathan Agnew: Is anyone sorry Broad is not going to the WC?
     Yuvraj Singh: Yeah, me.
 
5.   Adil Rashid: So we can expect dry turners for international matches in England this year?
Jimmy Anderson & Stuart Broad: Dream on, Rash.
 
6.   Salman Butt: Anyone fancy a wager on the WC?
 
7.   Alex Hales: Why do you think KP didn’t make the WC side?
Ben Stokes: He’s not wild and reckless enough
 
8.   David Willey: The downside of the WC is that I might have to bowl to McCullum
Steve Finn: Tell me about it!
 
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On Slogging
The Professor reflects on that fastest test hundred
 
You and I James have disagreed in the past about McCullum’s batting in that I contend that he slogs the ball. Not every ball (obviously) not all the time (obviously) but from time to time, when the mood takes him, he slogs it.
 
In the extraordinary hundred he scored on his last match there were dozens of examples. Not perhaps in his first fifty, after all he came in when the score was 32-3 and so had to inch his way to fifty off 33 balls. On the first morning of a Test there has to be some circumspection.  But in the second fifty he did. If you contend that he didn’t, that rather takes us to a definitional wrangle about what the word means.
 
I have always thought of a slog as sticking the left leg towards mid-on (what is now described as “getting it out of the way”) heaving across the line at a ball on or outside off stump with the intention of swiping it over cow corner. Isn’t that what most people think it is?
 
Of course it is possible to do this very well or very badly. McCullum does it very, very well. He slogs it miles from just about anywhere to just about anywhere. Pretty it aint but as a means  for getting world record hundreds it works a treat. The only times I have ever tried it in a match I either missed it, played on or the ball went straight up in the air. McCullum’s slogs also go in the air but also depart the stadium.  I, and I don’t think anyone else, have ever seen a Test innings like it.
 
I take for evidence of my slog nomenclature the way McCullum went through the 80s. He heaved one ball to mid-wicket and had 4,6,4 over the top of the ‘keeper. Huge swipes in each case. The Australian field, as he approached the hundred, was set with two long-stops. One was a little wide of conventional (sic) long-stop and so might bear the name “deep fly slip” but they were both there for a reason – miss hit slogs. One of the commentators said something to the effect that it was the sort of field you see in a kids match.
 
Stunning to look at. Extraordinary to watch. But nobody, nobody could say that the slog was not employed. To put it another way; if that wasn’t slogging, nothing is slogging.
 
I suppose the only other question is of the “so what” variety. If it ends up in the stands who cares how it got there. Apart from the aesthetics of the game - and the contrast with Anderson’s innings was striking (pun forgiveness required here) – does it matter? My only answer to that is that it is what we were always taught not to do and what I have coached hundreds of little boys not to do. If you slog at a straight ball you will get out. We all know that. Anyone who has done any coaching knows it. The author of the MCC coaching book knows it. It is only Mr McCullum who doesn’t…and I rather think he’s not going to learn now.
 
 
England matters
We take a peek into The Great Jack Morgan’s diary
 
I have been trying to keep up with the England Lions ODIs series v Pakistan A in Dubai with difficulty. The lads started well, winning the first two, but lost the next three:
 
1st ODI: Pakistan 192 , TSRJ 0-26; England 194-5, D Malan 41, England won by 5 wkts;
2nd ODI: England 314-5, D Malan 114; Pakistan 245 , TSRJ 3-48, England won by 69;
3rd ODI: Pakistan 288-5, TSRJ 0-38; England 271, J Vince 102, TSRJ 3, England lost by 17;
4th ODI: England 181, D Malan 56, TSRJ 8*; Pakistan 182-4, TSRJ 0-38, D Malan 0-7, England lost by 6 wkts.
5th ODI: England 216  (S Billings 89, D Malan 0, TSRJ 12); Pakistan 217-7 (TSRJ 1-34). England Lions lost by 3 wkts
 
In the ODI warm up match at Kimberley, England ran up a massive 368-7 (they all got a few, but LJT's 116 was the best) and South Africa A could only manage 205 in 30.5 overs (R Topley 3-38, C Jordan 3-38, A Rashid 3-55).
 
According to Vic Marks in the Guardian, there were huge doubts about who would turn out for England in the 1st ODI at Bloemfontein today, so how was it that the XI he guessed at was exactly correct? The batting certainly went well as England ran up their second highest ever ODI score with 399-9. J Buttler was the star with 105 off 76 (his slowest ODI ton!) with 11 fours and 5 sixes, but Roy 48 off 30, Hales 57 off 47, Root 52 off 58 and Stokes 57 off 38 also did well. Their 15 sixes was an England ODI record and so was all of the first 8 hitting at least one six. Q de Kock (138* off 96) played brilliantly apparently, but SA were just behind the rate when rain intervened and the game was England's by 39 runs according to D/L.
 
England won the second ODI at Port Elizabeth in comfort: South Africa 262-7 (which did not sound such a bad score as Port Elizabeth has a reputation for fairly low scoring one dayers), R Topley took 4-50 and both spinners bowled their full 10 overs and were the 2 most economical bowlers; England 263-5 in 46.2 (A Hales 99 off 124, J Buttler 48* off 28, with 3 sixes).
 
England looked in charge in ODI 3 at Centurion with 269-4 (Hales had made 65 off 73) on the board and Root (126 off 113 with 10 fours and 5 sixes) and Stokes (53 off 37 with 5 fours and 2 sixes) going well, so to reach only 318-8 was slightly disappointing. South Africa strolled it by 7 wkts with overs to spare (De Kock 135 off 117, Amla 127 off 130 put on 239 for the first wicket); Rashid (10-0-45-1) was the only bowler with semi-respectable figures. At 23, De Kock has 10 ODI tons in 55 innings.
 
V Marks got 14 of England’s World T20 squad of 15: the one he did not get was Liam Dawson (who did?), he had Woakesy in. Liam played twice in T20 for Hants last season and took no wickets in 5 overs and scored 3 in his only innings. Is Ansari still injured?
 
The Jo'burg cricket ground is called the Wanderers isn't it? VM is now calling it the Bullring! Both are daft names for cricket grounds, but Vic gives us no explanation as to why he has renamed it. It is not a different ground is it? Vic thought Broady would return for this one, but he didn't get Woakesy (Willey and Jordan missed out). For England only four batters made double figures: Hales 50 off 56, Root 109 off 124, Woakes 33 off 38 and Rashid 39 off 26. Dunno how good a score 262 is in a bullring, but it is criminal to leave more than two overs unused. England did not really get any partnerships going: the only significant ones were 95 between Root and Woakes and 69 between Hales and Root. As I write, De Villiers has just been run out and South Africa are on 121-4 at the half way point, leaving England slight favourites? Duminy has now departed while I was pouring myself some refreshment and SA are 160-5 after 32. Yes, it looked like Eng were going to win, but then Chris Morris (who sounds like a seriously good player to me) took control with 62 off 38 and SA sneaked in by 1 wicket. Broad had an undistinguished return to the side with figures of 7-0-55-1. Chris Stocks, in the Indy, called the ground the Wanderers and did not mention bullrings.
 
England were thrashed in the final ODI in Cape Town. They stuck with their unlucky losing combination, but only managed to bat for 45 overs making 236, only Hales (112 off 128) made more than 29 and SA won in some comfort by 5 wickets with 6 overs in hand, ABdeV made 101* off 97. After leading the series 2-0, England lost 3-2.
 
I have just seen the Eng ODI stats and they make unimpressive reading. With the bat, Hales made 383 runs at 76.6, Root 351 at 70.2 and the only other average above 28 was Buttler with 38.5; Eoin averaged 12.8. The only respectable bowling figures came from Topley with 10 wkts at 21.9, which was the only average below 45; Jordan averaged 143 and Willey 103.
 
Vic has dumped the "Bullring" and is now talking about the Wanderers again as the venue for the 2nd T20 on Sunday. England won the T20 warm up v South Africa A without much trouble by 44 runs: Hales hit 78 from 52 and Eoin 42 from 13.
 
Support for Vic at last! Dean Wilson in the Cricketer refers to the Jo'burg ground as the "Bullring"! So one ground has two (silly) names: how quaint! But why?
 
Vic claimed to have little idea about who would play "in the bottom half of the order" for England in the first T20 at Newlands, but again, his "possible" team was spot on. As I write, England are an unimpressive 78-4 after 11 and it did not get much better, Eng finishing on 134-8 (Imran Tahir 4-21). However, South Africa were struggling badly until that man Morris came in and hit 17* from 7 balls to give South Africa the win off the last ball. Topley ended the match badly by dropping a catch in the penultimate over, then going for 15 off the last over.
 
Jo'burg: England's 171  did not seem such a bad effort, but South Africa soon made it look pathetic by reaching 172-1 in 14.4 overs. Some of the bowling figures were horrific eg Topley 0-32 off 2 and Jordan 0-48 off 2.4. This makes it five consecutive defeats. Vic's by-line says he is at the Wanderers, but his report still talks about the Bullring: do cricket grounds have nicknames? Vic thought it was wrong to leave out a bowler (Willey) to strengthen the batting (Billings), but to me it seems the problem was the quality of the bowlers not the quantity of them.
 
Marks watch: Vic has a long piece in today's Guardian in which there are three mentions of the Wanderers and only one for the Bullring!
 
The ICC are planning two divisions for Test cricket: I would not mind (as long as England are in div 1), but I think they might have trouble getting it through. They also have similar plans for ODIs and T20.
 
Acronym Matters
 
Acronyms have become commonplace deriving from business gobbledygook and the dreaded Twittersphere. Acronyms have always been around in cricket, viz LBW and MCC, but Googlies is aware that all readers need to be completely up to date in their language skills and comprehension and so we are pleased to present a list of those that have been trending recently together with a glossary of explanations. See how many you can get without reference to the glossary:
 
Bill Hart was a founder member of the SSC.
 
Quick? Our new fast bowler is STM
 
He is looking glum because he has DAS
 
The wicket is starting to turn, its time we had an MWC
 
I’m knackered. We just had an ARF.
 
We are playing at Edmonton next week, our opening bat is FAI.
 
I could give that TWTBT one.
 
It was dull, they BIOFAD.
 
He didn’t get any but he LGITN
 
This guy is mad. He’s BWB
 
He had a bad game he got a KP.
 
Jack’s not playing: he FFT
 
Glossary:
 
MWC – Mid wicket conflab
FAI – Feigning an injury
BIOFAD – Blocking it out for a draw
STM – Slower than Molasses
TWTBT – Tealady with the big tits
KP – King Pair
SSC – Slog sweep club
FFT – Failed a Fitness Test
LGITN – Looked good in the nets
DAS – Dropped a sitter
ARF – All run four
BWB – Batting without a box.
 
Peach Matters
 
I spoke to Bob Peach recently. He is currently overseeing the erection of new high-high fencing in an attempt to turn SHCC into a cricketing Colditz that no balls can escape. He also tells me that he is still working on the Questionnaire in an attempt to gain admission to the Googlies Hall of Fame.
 
 
 
Middlesex Matters
The Great Jack Morgan is keeping his eye on current players and alumni
 
Blimey! Another deadline loan! Harry Podmore has gone to Glamorgan for the first six Championship matches!
 
T Murts took 4-33 and 2-25 as Ire beat Papua New Guinea by 145 in the Intercontinental Cup in Townsville (Oz). How many do you reckon were there for that big clash in neutral territory?
                            
Middlesex have re-signed Adam Voges for two spells next season: he will captain the Championship side from the start of the season until early June and again from mid-Aug until the end of the season: so who will skipper v Lancashire in late June, v Yorkshire in early July, v Somerset in mid-July and v Surrey in early Aug? Perhaps they could get B McCullum to have a go? J Franklin will be captain in 50 over cricket and D Malan in T20.
 
The Beeb's website now has a story about N Compton wanting to skipper while Voges is away... and I think he has a chance, but not if he is still in the England team. Interestingly, the Beeb described him as ex-England batsman N Compton! I have now had another look at that story and it is an old one that they have revived from 10.4.15!
         
There is a very uneven contest going on in Wellington. After bowling out NZ for 183, Oz then made 562: U Khawaja 140 and the Middlesex captain made 239 with 30 fours and 3 sixes. NZ are now 178-4 with another Middlesex man (B McCullum) out for 0 and 10. Adam V made 614 runs between Test dismissals beating S Tendulkar’s record of 497. Adam said he was unhappy about being compared to Sir Don because of his Bradmanesque average of 97.46. NZ made 327 a/o and lost by an innings and 52.
 
J Harris is in the MCC squad for the game v Yorkshire at Abu Dhabi. I am not sure why promising youngsters like R Clarke, J Tredwell and G Onions have been included.
 
Middlesex's overseas players are doing well, aren't they? In Christchurch, B McCullum hit the fastest ever Test hundred off 54 balls with 16 fours and 4 sixes and went on to 145 off 79 balls with 6 sixes and 21 fours. However 370 a/o was nothing special as J Burns (170 with 20 fours) and S Smith (138 with 17 fours) demonstrated by closing day two on 363-4, AV has only just gone to the wicket.
 
Oz made 505 a/o (N Wagner 6-106), but Adam only managed 60 so his average will come crashing down. NZ are 121-4 still 14 behind.
 
Oz won in comfort by 7 wkts: J Burns 65 (Middlesex), AV 10*.
 
MWWS writes about BMcC today that he is the "finest captain of this or any other generation". The previous holders of the fastest Test century (56 balls) were V Richards and Misbah-ul-Haq), both of whom were hitting out towards the end of the match so that a declaration could be made, but Brendon made his fastest century on the first morning of a Test, when his side were 32-3! He concludes "McCullum has changed the perception of how the game can and should be played, not just within his own team, but those elsewhere. Cricket owes him a massive debt."
 
         
 
Brian Stevens
Bob Fisher sent me this
 
Ealing Cricket Club are sorry to advise that Brian Stevens at the age of 83 passed away on Boxing Day 2015. He had been poorly for some time having suffered a stroke in 2014. Brian joined Ealing in 1957 and played until he was 65, his final season being in 1997. During his long career at the club, Brian made 44,966 runs which included 44 hundreds and he passed 1000 runs in a season on 26 occasions. He was a more than useful bowler, in his younger days bowling at brisk medium pace and then reverting to off spin in later years. He took 1016 wickets for the club. He was also a wonderful close to the wicket fielder and took 695 catches.  He captained the club from 1967-1969 and in one of his final games as captain, captained the club in their Wills Trophy win over South Hampstead at Finchley, the club's first ever cup win. He became the club's president in 1985 and remained in post until 1995 when he stood down to be replaced by the club's current president John Poore. In more recent years he became the Club's statistician, collating results and player's averages. In 2012 he and his wife Sylvia were created Honorary Life Members of the club, an honour of which Brian was immensely proud. May he rest in peace.
 
Haydenballs Matters
Alex Bowden published this in King Cricket
 
We’ve tried to give up writing about Matthew Hayden’s habit of talking a load of incomprehensible bollocks, but as the man himself says in a recent interview on Cricinfo: “Sometimes things are just meant to be, aren’t they? You just have to give in to the higher forces and say, ‘You know what, this is forever, and I don’t understand it. But so be it.'”
 
At the heart of the Hayden idiolect is the word ‘process’. For him, it means pretty much anything. It can mean one shot.
 
“One of the things that I miss the most about cricket and batting in particular is that meditation of cricket, that involvement of myself – mind, body and spirit – to delivering that one specific process, which is to execute a cricket shot.”
Or it can mean all of the shots.
 
“That was very much in my overall psychology of trying to execute the base process of batting so that I was on the front foot rather than being on the back foot and reacting to conditions.”
 
And apparently it is also something you ‘live out’.
 
“Some of my best innings have been those that were less than 50 balls in duration because of the conditions. You won’t get the glory of 50 or 100 or 150 or 200, but you will get the inner peace of knowing that you committed to what the process was on the day, and that you were part of the process and you were living out that process.”
 
We’re slightly concerned that he’s becoming self aware though. At one point he asked whether ‘bowlsmanship’ was a word. Then again, in the very same sentence he referred to Bishan Bedi’s “thought process of tossing the ball in the air.”
 
Rangers Matters
The Great Jack Morgan updates us
 
JSCR showed me the Leeds programme in which my words of wisdom were printed and I was slightly surprised that this did not inspire any fans to send in their recollections of “Shovel” Rutter, Petchey, Longbottom et al so there cannot be many (or any?) of us veterans who still attend? Also, Jim pointed out that many no longer buy programmes partly due to the cost (£3.50), though there is a fair amount to read in it, including many looks back to the past, should anyone be interested.
 
Top of Form
 
King Cricket Matters
 
Dumbo The Suzuki Jimny writes:
 
My name is Dumbo. I am a little Suzuki Jimny, making my living by being Ged Ladd’s car. In our neighbourhood I have lots of big relatives, mostly Range Rovers, commonly known as Chelsea tractors.
 

 
Those big posh Range Rover fellas claim that they are from the right sort of family, whereas I am not. We are all cricket lovers, of course, but the Range Rovers are members of the MCC (Motor Cricket Club) whereas I am a member of the MCCC (Motor Car Cricket Club), which the big boys tell me is a smaller, lesser brand. The bully in the photo is so big, there’s neither room for me to park nor room for his big head in the photo.
 
Ged’s satnav had trouble finding the Casino at Marino – the satnav wanted us to go to a cafe in Marino instead of the neo-classical house. In the end we got to the right place. Ged said that it was the least expensive visit to a casino in his entire life. He also said it was only his second ever visit to a casino and that this Marino one wasn’t a gambling casino.
 

 
We arrived at Clontarf CC in glorious sunshine and I parked up for my first ever cricket match with a terrific view of the wicket, just beyond the boundary. Ged and Daisy wandered around to the pavilion, but by the time they got there, a shower of rain had started, so people were running around putting covers on the wicket. By all accounts the Clontarf club members and officials were very friendly with Ged and Daisy, making them feel most welcome as visitors. The locals told Ged and Daisy that Clontarf seconds were to play Leesh, weather permitting.
 
Ged had no idea where Leesh is and wondered why, if the club was playing against Leesh, that the score book said Laos, which is a small but beautiful landlocked country in South-East Asia where little cricket is played. But it seems that Laois (pronounced “Leesh” and not spelt Laos) is actually a small but beautiful landlocked county in Ireland where little cricket is played, so that all made sense.
 
Soon the rain stopped, the sun came out again, the covers came off and the game started. It all seemed very relaxed and yet taken seriously. One of the Clontarf players had to stand in for a missing umpire; Ged wondered whether he would be asked to do those duties, or perhaps to commentate on the match, as Ged is usually asked to do in his capacity as visiting dignitary when he visits remote, far-flung corners of the former British Empire.
 

 
At the start of the third over, from the castle end, I noticed the Clontarf batsman eyeing up cow corner, which was exactly where I was fielding, just over the boundary. I was hoping to take a catch in the crowd or something, but then I saw Ged and Daisy running towards me and I guessed that they wanted to go.
 
“Ride like the wind, Dumbo,” said Ged, while starting my engine. “Giddy-up, boy.”
 
I should explain at this point that, unlike the bowler Mark Wood, who has an imaginary horse, I actually AM an imaginary horse, which is far more fun. Sometimes I’m an imaginary flying elephant instead, which is also fun.
Anyway, it transpired that Ged and Daisy had also spotted the batsman eying up cow corner and were worried that I might get injured attempting to catch the ball. As we all had a very early ferry to catch the next morning, they thought that we should cut and run before the batsman got a chance to pull and not need to run. Anyway, a few minutes after we got back to the hotel, it started to rain again, so I don’t think that my first ever cricket match saw a result.
 
Old Danes Gathering
 
There will be an Old Danes Gathering at Shepherds Bush Cricket Club on Friday 29 July 2016. All Old Danes, spouses and friends will be welcome as this is not a cricketer only event. The event will commence around 2pm and will continue into the evening or until everyone has left! The bar will be open throughout.
 
If you have not been before and would like a flavour of what it is like and what excitement level to expect you can see photos from previous events on the Googlies website: www.googliesandchinamen.com/old-danes-gatherings.html.
 
Let me know if you are planning to attend and I will add you to the list to try and encourage others to turn up.
 
Back editions of G&C
 
The Googlies website is now up to date and you can access all the back editions completely free of charge at: www.googliesandchinamen.com.
 
 
Football Matters
Kelvin West sent me this
 
On a lighter note here are my latest recruits, all signed on loan deals, but are proving their worth during half time tactical talks!

             
 
 
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