GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 16
April 2004
Lively up Yourself
Anyone who had to live through the Blackwash years cannot fail to take satisfaction from the routing of the West Indians in the first two tests and there may be some indications that an English fast bowling capability is being developed. However, we must remember that this is strictly second division stuff. The South Africans just thrashed the West Indies too and honours ended up fairly even in the England series with them last summer.
The South Africans took themselves off to New Zealand in February. They duly won the first one-day international comfortably by five wickets but then extraordinarily lost the next five to the home side who ran out winners of the series 5-1. They went on to win the first test match comfortably and will almost certainly prove more of a handful this summer than the West Indians will later on. Don’t forget that the Kiwis won their last series here.
Meanwhile in the first division proper the Australians have impressed again in Sri Lanka employing their new style cricket where England were so stodgy before Christmas. Although Australia have won the series comfortably, Murali has performed the extraordinary feat of taking twenty eight wickets in a three match series. He and Hamburger Warne are neck and neck to go past Courtney Walsh’s test wicket record. If Murali survives the latest investigation of his bowling action, instigated by Chris Broad, he could end up with something in excess of 750 test wickets before he calls it a day.
Incidentally the wickets in the West Indies have been a disgrace – patchy, uneven and slow. Haven’t they heard of Surrey loam yet? They should take a leaf out of the Pakistani Groundsman’s Manual. Here, in possibly the greatest one-day series ever, India eventually won by three matches to two. This series confirmed that the bar has now been raised in 50 over international cricket. It wasn’t long ago that 250 was considered a good score. You are not safe with 350 now.
The Zimbabwe issue won’t go away and if England refuses to tour there in the autumn the ICC look likely to cancel the misnamed Champions Trophy in England in September. This would be another financial blow to the English game.
Substitute, What Substitute?
In American Football they have two separate teams – one plays defence and the other plays attack. They also have a third called Special Teams, which comprises some players from defence and attack and some other experts, who come on for the kicking set pieces. Within these three teams players are regularly leaving and re-joining the field of play. Although only eleven may be on the field at any one time over fifty regularly participate in the proceedings.
When I first went to Loftus Road, if our star winger, Mike Hellawell, got crunched in an uncompromising tackle and had to be carried from the field of play for treatment or worse, the Rangers had to see the match out with just ten men. In due course things changed to allow for an injury substitution and when this was blatantly abused the all-purpose number twelve became a twelfth member of the side who could be used for any reason at any stage. This was the Golden Era of David Fairclough, the Super Sub.
However, no one wanted to use this strategic position as goalkeeping cover and so in due course extra substitutes were allowed to sit on the bench and be used in ever increasing numbers. Sven has taken this to absurd lengths in “friendly” internationals and has replaced all his starters during the second half of recent matches. FIFA, who must receive clandestine copies of this organ, have recognized that this debases the games and even worse, makes them poor value for the paying public. The number of substitutes is to be limited to five in future.
In cricket you finish the game with the same eleven that you started with. Or do you? There have been some alarming incidents recently that suggest that this may no longer be the case. Last summer James Kirtley was called up to play in a test match for England only to be released as unrequired on the morning of the match. Did he hang around to watch the game? Certainly not. He toodled off back to Hove to see if he could get a game there. Sussex were batting and by the time Kirtley arrived on the ground Kevin Innes, who was substituting for him, was already at the crease and on his way to what was going to be an excellent century. Kirtley hung about and whitened his boots. The following day he got changed and joined his comrades in the field, Innes being left behind in the pavilion. Kirtley was then given the new ball and proceeded to bowl. Nobody seems to know whether Innes’ century counts as a first class one – it appears to have been made in the guise of a substitute who has no standing in the game. Moreover, can any one now make batting or bowling substitutions as it suits them?
In Jamaica Peg Leg and Fletch turned the first warm up game into a farce by first requesting that it be played as twelve a side and then substituting Collingwood for Butcher as a batsman when the latter got injured. The game has duly been downgraded from the first class category. Peg Leg’s first innings pre-lunch hundred was, therefore, a first class one when he scored it but has subsequently been relegated to little more than a park match effort. No doubt the England management will be moaning about a lack of first class match practice before the tour is over.
So where does this leave us? Is cricket still an eleven a side game or has the era of the participating substitute dawned? The game is closer in terms of separate defence and attack, batting and bowling, to American Football than to English soccer and so we may soon see the specialists being allowed to concentrate exclusively in those areas. Batsmen may not have to field at all and a group of specialist fielders may support the bowlers who will rotate on and off the field, as they are required.
Bad Grounds The Professor kicks off a new series of articles describing those grounds where we hated to play
I’ve been pondering your challenge to come up with some suggested crap grounds/wickets. As always with these things, the problem is not one of searching round for examples but rather choosing from a plethora. I played my first game of adult cricket for Shepherds Bush 3rds in about 1959 (the classic “scorer having to play because we were one short”) and finished in 1997 playing for Welwyn Garden City 3rds at a shit-hole of a place called Brimsdown, which could be described as the down-trodden part of Enfield - were there any other. In between, I must have played at all manner of dreadful venues. So, one is spoilt for choice.
Also there is the oddity, peculiar to cricket, or so it seems to me, of favourite grounds where, irrespective of the environment, one always seems to do well and so the recollection of a crap wicket or whatever is occluded by a rosy glow of success. Sadly the obverse experiences are a good deal more numerous. Anyway, to kick off your new theme, I will offer two grounds to avoid as player, official, spectator or indeed passing itinerant.
Hertfordshire has very many attractive grounds - but Royston is not one of them. We always used to play them at the end of the season and it always seemed to be very, very cold. Their ground is a great bleak open space which the wind whistled through and which also includes a rugby pitch and a couple of hockey pitches. Since we played them at a time when both these other sports were underway, the small dark cell labelled “Changing Room” played host to about 40 blokes, vast quantities of mud, and the disgusting smell of horse lineament. Add to this a dreadful wicket, an ill-mannered side, and an umpire who we deduced was related to most of the team, and you have a very dismal day out in September. All of your readers will, of course, recall Rupert Brooke’s depiction of Royston men – and he was not wrong. We ended the “friendly” fixture some years ago, principally because we couldn’t get anyone to go there. It is perhaps unnecessary to add that I never got any runs at Royston.
The Professor in seventh heaven having just got his club’s new fixture list and seen that there is no fixture at Royston this year
My second offering is from Kent. I spent a couple of seasons there in the 1980s, playing on some lovely grounds, but never came across Broadstairs. They turned up as opponents on a WGCCC tour in the early 90s. I later discovered that they tended to fill their fixture list with clubs who visit on tour but never return. Unlike Royston, Broadstairs was a small intimate and friendly club but with two drawbacks. The first was the “pavilion” which was the only one of its type I have ever seen and was best described as a squat, concrete, dirty-white, pillbox. It looked like, and indeed may well have been, something that was built to keep the Germans out in the War. As for facilities contained within - best left undescribed, I think.
The other aspect that gets it onto my list was the wicket. We had a reasonable touring/drinking side and went there for an afternoon one-innings-a-side match that quickly turned into a two-innings-a-side match. I think they batted first and rattled up 40 or so. We then showed our superior class and knocked them off for 9, at which point (i.e. about ten-past-three) we decided to bat on until eleven-past-three and make it into a two innings game. That somehow got us to about 6 o’clock – which was quite enough for all concerned. The problem was that the wicket wasn’t just “sporty” – rather the ball exploded off a length. Anything of drivable length and straight would just hit you in the teeth. Contrary to what you might imagine, I actually made some runs in the second innings (well double figures anyway), which I managed by use of some experience and a good deal of innate cowardice. It seemed obvious, from the first innings that the only way you could get bowled was by a full toss. If the ball was straight and on a length, even a very full length it was perfectly possible and indeed very sensible to shoulder arms, stand well back, and let it fly over the top of the stumps without the necessity of it making contact with your incisors. Why all of the Broadstairs team didn’t play like that I never worked out – perhaps they thought it was sissy – which indeed it was – but I still have my teeth unlike the gummy but jolly men of Kent.
The Googlies Interview-Flipper Seal
Alan Flipper Seal, he of the five sons, lives in a Warwickshire village called Dorridge, which boasts two cricket clubs. Knowle & Dorridge CC is favoured by the County for second XI matches, whilst Dorridge CC is preferred by the county pros when staging their benefit matches. Flipper originally played for Water Orton CC but changed allegiance to Dorridge CC when he moved there as a newly wed in 1976.
During his playing career Flipper enjoyed a unique relationship with the captains that he played under. He tells me that he would be given the new ball and he would then be allowed to bowl at one end throughout the opponents innings, game after game, season after season. On one occasion against Fillonley CC he claims to have dismissed all ten opposing batsmen in unique style – claiming eight of them as a bowler and catching the other two. The poor chap must have been exhausted after all these overs and his prowess with the willow was not surprisingly limited. However, he regularly “gave it a go” in the lower order, in a smearing rather than long-handled style. His best effort saw him stranded on 48 when he ran out of partners.
Dorridge is a thriving club that benefited a few years ago when the village watering hole, the Forest Hotel, was closed for re-furbishment. The village drinking set trooped along to Dorridge CC and has never left. The bar takes swelled and provided the club with a financial stability which has afforded an expansion to the pavilion, a new car park and the conversion of a spare field into a second playing area.
The club holds colts’ nets on Fridays and over seventy youngsters aged from 8 to 15 pay £25 per season to benefit from structured coaching. Flipper has been active over the years in this programme and his most famous graduate is Dominic Osler.
When Flipper gave me a tour of the club on a Thursday evening in March there were already a dozen members there at 6.30pm. He told me that the place would be heaving later. It was a pleasure to see a cricket club thriving in the contemporary economic and social environment.
The Seal dynasty at Dorridge continues. Alastair, who was on the Warwickshire staff at one stage, has been playing for the Old Eds in the Birmingham league and will be returning to Dorridge in 2004. His younger brothers, Jamie and Elliott will be regulars too, whilst Tristan and Patrick will still fill in as necessary. Has Flipper finally hung up his boots? “Yes” says Mary his wife, but with a knowing smile Flipper says that he expects he will still get the call at noon on a Sunday when the seconds or thirds are one short.
Mosts Without in Test Cricket
Keith Enoch Walmsley first published “Most Withouts in Test Cricket” in 1982 and has produced two updated versions since. The 2003 edition is a whopping 400 pages plus. The unwieldy title becomes much clearer when you get into the three separate sections of the tome. Part 1 deals with “most withouts” in a complete career, Part 2 deals with “most withouts” during part of a career and the third part deals with “most withouts” in an innings/match or series. So now you understand.
This volume is a statistician’s treasure trove and whilst it would definitely appeal to the anorak brigade there is plenty to appeal to the normal cricket buff. As you start to delve into any section you find yourself automatically lured into the next section or a related section.
For example, if you turn up the “Most consecutive Matches during career without playing as captain” the fifteen players who fell into this category and exceeded 65 games are listed. There then follows a few paragraphs of explanation and comment on the statistics. The surprising thing about this list to me is that it is headed by Steve Waugh who accumulated 111 games before playing as captain. Over the page there are some more lists and finally “Most matches at end of career after last game as captain” which is headed less surprisingly by Ian Botham, who played 65 times after his last game as captain.
This is what lures you in. You then turn the page wondering whatever is he going to come up with next? In this section we have the list of “Most consecutive matches as captain without suffering defeat” headed by Clive Lloyd with 26 and Ray Illingworth is a rather surprising second with 19. The “Most without winning” is headed, not by an Englishman, but by Kapil Dev with 20. And on it goes with more lists interspersed with witty and informative narratives. And just in case you were wondering which Englishman as captain played “Most matches at end of career after last win” then Mike Gatting with 14 is spelled out for you.
Christopher Martin-Jenkins has written the Foreword to this edition, which he describes as a gloriously esoteric and slightly eccentric collection. Because it is unusual and probably unique every cricket fan should have a copy. If you are a cricket statistical buff or a quiz enthusiast it is essential. If you are an Old Dane you should buy a copy out of loyalty.
And here is the good news. Keith has published the book himself and if you mention that you read about it in Googlies he will let you have it for just £14, which includes postage and packing. Don’t delay, order your copy today from Keith Walmsley, 1 Wheatley Close, Reading RG2 8LP. You won’t get a better deal this year.
Wisden Five
Some strange individuals find there way into the Wisden Five Players of the year and there are also some notable omissions. A player cannot be selected twice and if you just miss it one year then your history doesn’t count for subsequent years. The selection is heavily biased towards the English game and of those still involved in first class cricket by far the largest number are English:
English players: de Freitas, Salisbury, Stewart, Cork, Maynard, Thorpe, Austin, Gough, Alleyne, Bicknell, Caddick, Hussain, Hollioake and Vaughan.
Australians: Waugh, Warne, Elliott, Law S, McGrath, Langer, Lehman, Gilchrist, Gillespie, Martyn and Hayden.
Pakistanis: Waqar, Wasim, Mushtaq Ahmed, Saeed Anwar and Saqlain Mushtaq.
Indians: Kumble, Tendulkar, Dravid and Laxman.
South Africans: Rhodes, Klusener and Pollock.
Sri Lankans: Jayasuriya and Muralitharan.
West Indians: Lara.
New Zealanders: Cairns.
Zimbabweans: Flower A.
If you are English you can get the award for not even achieving at the international level – Salisbury, Maynard, Austin, Alleyne, Bicknell and Hollioake testify to that.
So with this lot ineligible who are the candidates to appear in the Wisden 2004 list? Nigel Hathaway came up with the following: Graeme Smith, Ponting, Ntini, Flintoff and Chris Adams (Sussex). He is covering his bases by adding Ganguly, Trescothick and Gibbs as reserves. He explains that he includes Adams because they normally select someone to represent 'county cricket’!
The Great Jack Morgan selected the following Gentlemen of Lords as his five: C Keegan, A Strauss, D Nash, S Koenig and P Weekes. I would have thought that Kallis and Fleming were also strong candidates but then they are sometime Middlesex players as well.
And so to the list that you have all been waiting for - the Five Googlies Dingbats of 2003:
The Great Jack Morgan has compiled this side who you wouldn’t fancy turning up unexpectedly on the Tuesday of cricket week at your local club:
Desmond Haynes (Barbados, Middlesex and Western Province)
Mark Taylor (New South Wales)
David Boon (Tasmania and Durham)
Dilip Vengsarkar (Bombay)
Salim Malik (Lahore, HBL and Essex)
Ian Botham (Somerset, Worcestershire, Durham and Queensland)
Ian Healy (Queensland)
Kapil Dev (Haryana, Northamptonshire and Worcestershire)
Wasim Akram (PIA, Lancashire and Hampshire)
Shane Warne (Victoria and Hampshire)
Courtney Walsh (Jamaica and Gloucestershire)
All you have to do is identify their common denominator.
Match Report
The following match took place at Lords on 6,8 & 9th August 1977 between Middlesex and Surrey. It is included as part of this Journal’s “Appease the Surrey Supporters” policy
This match ranks as one of the great Brearley specials in which he unprecedently forewent batting points to go all out for victory. There was no play on the first day and on the second the Surrey first innings only progressed to 7 for 1. On the third morning Daniel and Selvey with a little help from Gatting dismissed Surrey for 49 by 12.15 on a damp surface. By all accounts Daniel was a particularly fearsome prospect. Emburey and Gould opened the batting for Middlesex but this didn’t last long since Brearley declared the innings closed after just one ball.
Surrey resumed on a still damp wicket and after Selvey dismissed Howarth for the second time that morning he then bowled Lynch, who completed an ignominious pair before lunch. Daniel and Selvey were again the principal threats to Surrey and they took fifteen wickets between them. However, Gatting dismissed Richards and Pocock for the second time in the day to finish with match figures of 4 for 3.
Middlesex were left to score 139 in 88 minutes to win the match. Smith and Brearley got stuck into Jackman, Payne and Butcher and scored 47 from the first 7 overs, which left them to score 92 from the final twenty overs of the day. Smith was stumped off Pocock for 51 but Brearley with 66 not out and Radley with 21 not out saw Middlesex to a comfortable, if earlier improbable, victory with eleven balls to spare.
Surrey
A.R.Butcher c. Gould b. Daniel 1 b. Daniel 10
G.P.Howarth c Edmunds b. Selvey 9 c. Gould b. Selvey 8
M.A.Lynch c. Gould b. Daniel 0 b. Selvey 0
Younis c. Featherstone b. Daniel 4 c. Gould b. Daniel 14
D.M.Smith lbw Selvey 0 c. Radley b. Emburey 10
Intikhab Alam b. Daniel 15 c. Barlow b. Daniel 2
R.D. Jackman b. Daniel 0 c. Brearley b. Daniel 1
I.R.Payne lbw Selvey 6 c. Smith b. Daniel 5
G.G. Arnold not out 8 not out 19
C.J.Richards c. Edmunds b. Gatting 1 c. Emburey b. Gatting 6
P.I.Pocock b. Gatting 3 c. Edmunds b. Gatting 0
Extras 2 14
---- ----
49 89
Daniel 9-5-16-5 Daniel 15-8-23-4
Selvey 11-2-23-3 Selvey 19-6-31-3
Gatting 2.5-2-2-2 Gatting 1.3-1-1-2
Emburey 9-4-17-1
Edmunds 6-4-3-0
Middlesex
J.E. Emburey not out 0
I.J.Gould not out 0
M.J.Smith st.Richards b. Pocock 51
J.M.Brearley not out 66
C.T.Radley not out 21
Extras 0 4
---- ----
0-0 dec 142-1
----- ------
did not bat : Gatting, Barlow, Featherstone, Edmonds, Selvey, Daniel
Jackman 0.1-0-0-0 Jackman 12.1-0-61-0
Payne 2-0-19-0
Butcher 2-0-11-0
Intikhab 3-0-20-0
Pocock 6-0-27-1
Irritating trends in modern cricket – 15
Admittedly this phenomenon is seen more in the one-day game than in real cricket but the wide slip is an absurd notion and an insult to any serious fast bowler. No one has so far challenged my contention that the object of fast bowling is to dismiss the batsman by beating the bat completely and bowling him or almost beating him and finding a thin edge to be caught by the wicket keeper or first or second slip. If the only slip is standing midway between the wicket keeper and gully what is his intended purpose? He appears to be there to catch a medium thick edge or even as a short third man to stop the single.
Any bowler worth his salt should insist on the slip being in the right place alongside the wicket keeper. Then his best efforts should result in the taking of a wicket as opposed to the ball screaming down to the boundary off an edge that eludes the wicket keeper. Captains who utilize the wide slip no doubt also have a sweeper on the cover boundary. Enough said.
Erratum, no Errata
The Great Jack Morgan was apoplectic at my erratum regarding the Legendary Len Stubbs’ captaincy of South Hampstead in the last issue and responded as follows:
“Erratum! Incredible! After 237 unacknowledged errors, he finally admits to one! Why bother to correct one amongst so many?”
Rangers Reminiscences
The Professor sent me this report on developments at Loftus Road following his visit to watch the Wrexham game with Frank Foreman
I think it was 12 years ago when I last went to Rangers. Frank couldn’t remember when he was last there, but it was certainly longer ago than that. The first shock was the ticket price - £44 for two tickets, “including booking fee” – if you please. Frank’s response was that we only wanted to watch, “not buy the bleeding team”. There was a good deal of this sort of thing from Foreman as the evening progressed.
Frank’s other principal concern was where to park his new car, so that when we returned it might still be in one piece, with the traditional number of wheels in place. In the event we met up at the Goldsmiths’ Arms for some pre-match sustenance and safe car parking. A slow walk to the ground took us past SBCCC that looked quite desperately dismal. Cricket grounds never look their best at this time of year but a half-boarded-up, half-falling-down pavilion is a particularly grim sight.
On to the ground, where the stop off at the pub required us to give the good folk of Shepherds Bush an opportunity to piss on our shoes, and thence to our seats. We were in the Ellerslie Road stand, opposite the press box. I looked very hard to see if the Lovely Jane Richards was covering the game but sadly she was nowhere to be seen. It was a great shame since I had hoped to ask what particular part of the Great Jack Morgan’s body was the subject of her current fantasy. The ground itself doesn’t seem to have changed much except that the pitch shows the obvious signs of being used by two clubs. New stands and facilities are, one supposes, out of the scope of a club not long since out of Administration.
Our first task was to try to identify “our” players. The programme cost £2.50 was not a great deal of help but we eventually sorted it out. “Blimey, when I last came you could get a programme and see the game for that money” – Foreman again. The match itself was, sad to say, pretty dire. It was saved by the home team winning and some decent football in the last 20 minutes. The first half was truly dreadful. It took us both back to Third Division South days. The problem was that Wrexham’s principal form of defence and Rangers’ principal form of attack was essentially the same – boot the ball high in the air and see what happens. This tactic gave ample scope for the players on the ground to engage in a prolonged series of wrestling matches at points where they expected the ball to land. It was all pretty grim. “Do you realise it is costing us 4/6d a minute to watch this crap” -Frank from the Bank again.
Mercifully, the second half was better, and both the goals were rather well taken - a good header from the big back-four man Carlisle and a nicely played ball through the inside-left slot for McLeod to score well. It would be hard to say that anyone caught the eye, but Gallen and Rowlands both became more influential as the game went on. I guess we both enjoyed ourselves, just about. We joined in the general raucous support of the team but, as middle-aged responsible and upright citizens, eschewed the abuse of the referee. We both remembered and employed your own somewhat eccentric, all-purpose bellow, of: “NOISE!”
Back to the pub where the Yarris was, thankfully, intact and then home. I spent a happy half-hour the following morning looking through the programme. It has articles purported to be written by various Rangers alumni that has them using turns of phrase which I doubt they knew they possessed and (as in the old days) the odd typographical hiccup. The banner headline introducing the visiting side, for example, proclaims them to be “Oldham Athletic F C” and goes on to give pen-portraits of the Welsh “Red Dragons”. Oldham were Rangers previous home opponents. Also, traditionalists will be pleased to hear that “Derek Buxton” is still writing the “Entertaining (sic) Statistics” page.
What chance of automatic promotion? On this showing, not a lot. Also Rangers have got a particularly difficult run-in with a preponderance of away games including traveling to Plymouth and Bristol City. I raised the possibility with Frank of a trip to Cardiff but he didn’t look too keen. “Cardiff! - I remember when it was at Wembley, only cost ten bob, and you didn’t have to drive all that way…”
Stop Press I have just heard from Ken James and am delighted to report that South Hampstead have agreed to host a re-union for all club cricketers from the 1960s and 1970s on Sunday 5th September, 2004. On the day there will be a match against the Wanderers but this event will proceed regardless of the weather. There will be a buffet lunch provided by the Russ Collins Circus and wives will also be most welcome to attend. A contribution of £10 per head will be requested to defray expenses. Full details of this “not to be missed” event will appear in the next edition.
Earlier Editions
I will be please to email you a copy of the earlier editions of Googlies & Chinamen, if you missed or have mislaid them. If you received this edition through a third party, please send me your email address to ensure that you get on the main mailing list for future editions.
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An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 16
April 2004
Lively up Yourself
Anyone who had to live through the Blackwash years cannot fail to take satisfaction from the routing of the West Indians in the first two tests and there may be some indications that an English fast bowling capability is being developed. However, we must remember that this is strictly second division stuff. The South Africans just thrashed the West Indies too and honours ended up fairly even in the England series with them last summer.
The South Africans took themselves off to New Zealand in February. They duly won the first one-day international comfortably by five wickets but then extraordinarily lost the next five to the home side who ran out winners of the series 5-1. They went on to win the first test match comfortably and will almost certainly prove more of a handful this summer than the West Indians will later on. Don’t forget that the Kiwis won their last series here.
Meanwhile in the first division proper the Australians have impressed again in Sri Lanka employing their new style cricket where England were so stodgy before Christmas. Although Australia have won the series comfortably, Murali has performed the extraordinary feat of taking twenty eight wickets in a three match series. He and Hamburger Warne are neck and neck to go past Courtney Walsh’s test wicket record. If Murali survives the latest investigation of his bowling action, instigated by Chris Broad, he could end up with something in excess of 750 test wickets before he calls it a day.
Incidentally the wickets in the West Indies have been a disgrace – patchy, uneven and slow. Haven’t they heard of Surrey loam yet? They should take a leaf out of the Pakistani Groundsman’s Manual. Here, in possibly the greatest one-day series ever, India eventually won by three matches to two. This series confirmed that the bar has now been raised in 50 over international cricket. It wasn’t long ago that 250 was considered a good score. You are not safe with 350 now.
The Zimbabwe issue won’t go away and if England refuses to tour there in the autumn the ICC look likely to cancel the misnamed Champions Trophy in England in September. This would be another financial blow to the English game.
Substitute, What Substitute?
In American Football they have two separate teams – one plays defence and the other plays attack. They also have a third called Special Teams, which comprises some players from defence and attack and some other experts, who come on for the kicking set pieces. Within these three teams players are regularly leaving and re-joining the field of play. Although only eleven may be on the field at any one time over fifty regularly participate in the proceedings.
When I first went to Loftus Road, if our star winger, Mike Hellawell, got crunched in an uncompromising tackle and had to be carried from the field of play for treatment or worse, the Rangers had to see the match out with just ten men. In due course things changed to allow for an injury substitution and when this was blatantly abused the all-purpose number twelve became a twelfth member of the side who could be used for any reason at any stage. This was the Golden Era of David Fairclough, the Super Sub.
However, no one wanted to use this strategic position as goalkeeping cover and so in due course extra substitutes were allowed to sit on the bench and be used in ever increasing numbers. Sven has taken this to absurd lengths in “friendly” internationals and has replaced all his starters during the second half of recent matches. FIFA, who must receive clandestine copies of this organ, have recognized that this debases the games and even worse, makes them poor value for the paying public. The number of substitutes is to be limited to five in future.
In cricket you finish the game with the same eleven that you started with. Or do you? There have been some alarming incidents recently that suggest that this may no longer be the case. Last summer James Kirtley was called up to play in a test match for England only to be released as unrequired on the morning of the match. Did he hang around to watch the game? Certainly not. He toodled off back to Hove to see if he could get a game there. Sussex were batting and by the time Kirtley arrived on the ground Kevin Innes, who was substituting for him, was already at the crease and on his way to what was going to be an excellent century. Kirtley hung about and whitened his boots. The following day he got changed and joined his comrades in the field, Innes being left behind in the pavilion. Kirtley was then given the new ball and proceeded to bowl. Nobody seems to know whether Innes’ century counts as a first class one – it appears to have been made in the guise of a substitute who has no standing in the game. Moreover, can any one now make batting or bowling substitutions as it suits them?
In Jamaica Peg Leg and Fletch turned the first warm up game into a farce by first requesting that it be played as twelve a side and then substituting Collingwood for Butcher as a batsman when the latter got injured. The game has duly been downgraded from the first class category. Peg Leg’s first innings pre-lunch hundred was, therefore, a first class one when he scored it but has subsequently been relegated to little more than a park match effort. No doubt the England management will be moaning about a lack of first class match practice before the tour is over.
So where does this leave us? Is cricket still an eleven a side game or has the era of the participating substitute dawned? The game is closer in terms of separate defence and attack, batting and bowling, to American Football than to English soccer and so we may soon see the specialists being allowed to concentrate exclusively in those areas. Batsmen may not have to field at all and a group of specialist fielders may support the bowlers who will rotate on and off the field, as they are required.
Bad Grounds The Professor kicks off a new series of articles describing those grounds where we hated to play
I’ve been pondering your challenge to come up with some suggested crap grounds/wickets. As always with these things, the problem is not one of searching round for examples but rather choosing from a plethora. I played my first game of adult cricket for Shepherds Bush 3rds in about 1959 (the classic “scorer having to play because we were one short”) and finished in 1997 playing for Welwyn Garden City 3rds at a shit-hole of a place called Brimsdown, which could be described as the down-trodden part of Enfield - were there any other. In between, I must have played at all manner of dreadful venues. So, one is spoilt for choice.
Also there is the oddity, peculiar to cricket, or so it seems to me, of favourite grounds where, irrespective of the environment, one always seems to do well and so the recollection of a crap wicket or whatever is occluded by a rosy glow of success. Sadly the obverse experiences are a good deal more numerous. Anyway, to kick off your new theme, I will offer two grounds to avoid as player, official, spectator or indeed passing itinerant.
Hertfordshire has very many attractive grounds - but Royston is not one of them. We always used to play them at the end of the season and it always seemed to be very, very cold. Their ground is a great bleak open space which the wind whistled through and which also includes a rugby pitch and a couple of hockey pitches. Since we played them at a time when both these other sports were underway, the small dark cell labelled “Changing Room” played host to about 40 blokes, vast quantities of mud, and the disgusting smell of horse lineament. Add to this a dreadful wicket, an ill-mannered side, and an umpire who we deduced was related to most of the team, and you have a very dismal day out in September. All of your readers will, of course, recall Rupert Brooke’s depiction of Royston men – and he was not wrong. We ended the “friendly” fixture some years ago, principally because we couldn’t get anyone to go there. It is perhaps unnecessary to add that I never got any runs at Royston.
The Professor in seventh heaven having just got his club’s new fixture list and seen that there is no fixture at Royston this year
My second offering is from Kent. I spent a couple of seasons there in the 1980s, playing on some lovely grounds, but never came across Broadstairs. They turned up as opponents on a WGCCC tour in the early 90s. I later discovered that they tended to fill their fixture list with clubs who visit on tour but never return. Unlike Royston, Broadstairs was a small intimate and friendly club but with two drawbacks. The first was the “pavilion” which was the only one of its type I have ever seen and was best described as a squat, concrete, dirty-white, pillbox. It looked like, and indeed may well have been, something that was built to keep the Germans out in the War. As for facilities contained within - best left undescribed, I think.
The other aspect that gets it onto my list was the wicket. We had a reasonable touring/drinking side and went there for an afternoon one-innings-a-side match that quickly turned into a two-innings-a-side match. I think they batted first and rattled up 40 or so. We then showed our superior class and knocked them off for 9, at which point (i.e. about ten-past-three) we decided to bat on until eleven-past-three and make it into a two innings game. That somehow got us to about 6 o’clock – which was quite enough for all concerned. The problem was that the wicket wasn’t just “sporty” – rather the ball exploded off a length. Anything of drivable length and straight would just hit you in the teeth. Contrary to what you might imagine, I actually made some runs in the second innings (well double figures anyway), which I managed by use of some experience and a good deal of innate cowardice. It seemed obvious, from the first innings that the only way you could get bowled was by a full toss. If the ball was straight and on a length, even a very full length it was perfectly possible and indeed very sensible to shoulder arms, stand well back, and let it fly over the top of the stumps without the necessity of it making contact with your incisors. Why all of the Broadstairs team didn’t play like that I never worked out – perhaps they thought it was sissy – which indeed it was – but I still have my teeth unlike the gummy but jolly men of Kent.
The Googlies Interview-Flipper Seal
Alan Flipper Seal, he of the five sons, lives in a Warwickshire village called Dorridge, which boasts two cricket clubs. Knowle & Dorridge CC is favoured by the County for second XI matches, whilst Dorridge CC is preferred by the county pros when staging their benefit matches. Flipper originally played for Water Orton CC but changed allegiance to Dorridge CC when he moved there as a newly wed in 1976.
During his playing career Flipper enjoyed a unique relationship with the captains that he played under. He tells me that he would be given the new ball and he would then be allowed to bowl at one end throughout the opponents innings, game after game, season after season. On one occasion against Fillonley CC he claims to have dismissed all ten opposing batsmen in unique style – claiming eight of them as a bowler and catching the other two. The poor chap must have been exhausted after all these overs and his prowess with the willow was not surprisingly limited. However, he regularly “gave it a go” in the lower order, in a smearing rather than long-handled style. His best effort saw him stranded on 48 when he ran out of partners.
Dorridge is a thriving club that benefited a few years ago when the village watering hole, the Forest Hotel, was closed for re-furbishment. The village drinking set trooped along to Dorridge CC and has never left. The bar takes swelled and provided the club with a financial stability which has afforded an expansion to the pavilion, a new car park and the conversion of a spare field into a second playing area.
The club holds colts’ nets on Fridays and over seventy youngsters aged from 8 to 15 pay £25 per season to benefit from structured coaching. Flipper has been active over the years in this programme and his most famous graduate is Dominic Osler.
When Flipper gave me a tour of the club on a Thursday evening in March there were already a dozen members there at 6.30pm. He told me that the place would be heaving later. It was a pleasure to see a cricket club thriving in the contemporary economic and social environment.
The Seal dynasty at Dorridge continues. Alastair, who was on the Warwickshire staff at one stage, has been playing for the Old Eds in the Birmingham league and will be returning to Dorridge in 2004. His younger brothers, Jamie and Elliott will be regulars too, whilst Tristan and Patrick will still fill in as necessary. Has Flipper finally hung up his boots? “Yes” says Mary his wife, but with a knowing smile Flipper says that he expects he will still get the call at noon on a Sunday when the seconds or thirds are one short.
Mosts Without in Test Cricket
Keith Enoch Walmsley first published “Most Withouts in Test Cricket” in 1982 and has produced two updated versions since. The 2003 edition is a whopping 400 pages plus. The unwieldy title becomes much clearer when you get into the three separate sections of the tome. Part 1 deals with “most withouts” in a complete career, Part 2 deals with “most withouts” during part of a career and the third part deals with “most withouts” in an innings/match or series. So now you understand.
This volume is a statistician’s treasure trove and whilst it would definitely appeal to the anorak brigade there is plenty to appeal to the normal cricket buff. As you start to delve into any section you find yourself automatically lured into the next section or a related section.
For example, if you turn up the “Most consecutive Matches during career without playing as captain” the fifteen players who fell into this category and exceeded 65 games are listed. There then follows a few paragraphs of explanation and comment on the statistics. The surprising thing about this list to me is that it is headed by Steve Waugh who accumulated 111 games before playing as captain. Over the page there are some more lists and finally “Most matches at end of career after last game as captain” which is headed less surprisingly by Ian Botham, who played 65 times after his last game as captain.
This is what lures you in. You then turn the page wondering whatever is he going to come up with next? In this section we have the list of “Most consecutive matches as captain without suffering defeat” headed by Clive Lloyd with 26 and Ray Illingworth is a rather surprising second with 19. The “Most without winning” is headed, not by an Englishman, but by Kapil Dev with 20. And on it goes with more lists interspersed with witty and informative narratives. And just in case you were wondering which Englishman as captain played “Most matches at end of career after last win” then Mike Gatting with 14 is spelled out for you.
Christopher Martin-Jenkins has written the Foreword to this edition, which he describes as a gloriously esoteric and slightly eccentric collection. Because it is unusual and probably unique every cricket fan should have a copy. If you are a cricket statistical buff or a quiz enthusiast it is essential. If you are an Old Dane you should buy a copy out of loyalty.
And here is the good news. Keith has published the book himself and if you mention that you read about it in Googlies he will let you have it for just £14, which includes postage and packing. Don’t delay, order your copy today from Keith Walmsley, 1 Wheatley Close, Reading RG2 8LP. You won’t get a better deal this year.
Wisden Five
Some strange individuals find there way into the Wisden Five Players of the year and there are also some notable omissions. A player cannot be selected twice and if you just miss it one year then your history doesn’t count for subsequent years. The selection is heavily biased towards the English game and of those still involved in first class cricket by far the largest number are English:
English players: de Freitas, Salisbury, Stewart, Cork, Maynard, Thorpe, Austin, Gough, Alleyne, Bicknell, Caddick, Hussain, Hollioake and Vaughan.
Australians: Waugh, Warne, Elliott, Law S, McGrath, Langer, Lehman, Gilchrist, Gillespie, Martyn and Hayden.
Pakistanis: Waqar, Wasim, Mushtaq Ahmed, Saeed Anwar and Saqlain Mushtaq.
Indians: Kumble, Tendulkar, Dravid and Laxman.
South Africans: Rhodes, Klusener and Pollock.
Sri Lankans: Jayasuriya and Muralitharan.
West Indians: Lara.
New Zealanders: Cairns.
Zimbabweans: Flower A.
If you are English you can get the award for not even achieving at the international level – Salisbury, Maynard, Austin, Alleyne, Bicknell and Hollioake testify to that.
So with this lot ineligible who are the candidates to appear in the Wisden 2004 list? Nigel Hathaway came up with the following: Graeme Smith, Ponting, Ntini, Flintoff and Chris Adams (Sussex). He is covering his bases by adding Ganguly, Trescothick and Gibbs as reserves. He explains that he includes Adams because they normally select someone to represent 'county cricket’!
The Great Jack Morgan selected the following Gentlemen of Lords as his five: C Keegan, A Strauss, D Nash, S Koenig and P Weekes. I would have thought that Kallis and Fleming were also strong candidates but then they are sometime Middlesex players as well.
And so to the list that you have all been waiting for - the Five Googlies Dingbats of 2003:
- Phil Tufnell and Hamburger Warne get a joint award for not bowling a ball between them in 2003 for their own personal and particular reasons.
- Anyone who played Twenty20 cricket
- Anyone who watched Twenty20 cricket
- Atomic Kitten who turned out to be superfluous to Twenty20 cricket.
- And lastly our old chum the Welsh Wizard who went all the way to Sri Lanka and didn’t bowl a ball in anger.
The Great Jack Morgan has compiled this side who you wouldn’t fancy turning up unexpectedly on the Tuesday of cricket week at your local club:
Desmond Haynes (Barbados, Middlesex and Western Province)
Mark Taylor (New South Wales)
David Boon (Tasmania and Durham)
Dilip Vengsarkar (Bombay)
Salim Malik (Lahore, HBL and Essex)
Ian Botham (Somerset, Worcestershire, Durham and Queensland)
Ian Healy (Queensland)
Kapil Dev (Haryana, Northamptonshire and Worcestershire)
Wasim Akram (PIA, Lancashire and Hampshire)
Shane Warne (Victoria and Hampshire)
Courtney Walsh (Jamaica and Gloucestershire)
All you have to do is identify their common denominator.
Match Report
The following match took place at Lords on 6,8 & 9th August 1977 between Middlesex and Surrey. It is included as part of this Journal’s “Appease the Surrey Supporters” policy
This match ranks as one of the great Brearley specials in which he unprecedently forewent batting points to go all out for victory. There was no play on the first day and on the second the Surrey first innings only progressed to 7 for 1. On the third morning Daniel and Selvey with a little help from Gatting dismissed Surrey for 49 by 12.15 on a damp surface. By all accounts Daniel was a particularly fearsome prospect. Emburey and Gould opened the batting for Middlesex but this didn’t last long since Brearley declared the innings closed after just one ball.
Surrey resumed on a still damp wicket and after Selvey dismissed Howarth for the second time that morning he then bowled Lynch, who completed an ignominious pair before lunch. Daniel and Selvey were again the principal threats to Surrey and they took fifteen wickets between them. However, Gatting dismissed Richards and Pocock for the second time in the day to finish with match figures of 4 for 3.
Middlesex were left to score 139 in 88 minutes to win the match. Smith and Brearley got stuck into Jackman, Payne and Butcher and scored 47 from the first 7 overs, which left them to score 92 from the final twenty overs of the day. Smith was stumped off Pocock for 51 but Brearley with 66 not out and Radley with 21 not out saw Middlesex to a comfortable, if earlier improbable, victory with eleven balls to spare.
Surrey
A.R.Butcher c. Gould b. Daniel 1 b. Daniel 10
G.P.Howarth c Edmunds b. Selvey 9 c. Gould b. Selvey 8
M.A.Lynch c. Gould b. Daniel 0 b. Selvey 0
Younis c. Featherstone b. Daniel 4 c. Gould b. Daniel 14
D.M.Smith lbw Selvey 0 c. Radley b. Emburey 10
Intikhab Alam b. Daniel 15 c. Barlow b. Daniel 2
R.D. Jackman b. Daniel 0 c. Brearley b. Daniel 1
I.R.Payne lbw Selvey 6 c. Smith b. Daniel 5
G.G. Arnold not out 8 not out 19
C.J.Richards c. Edmunds b. Gatting 1 c. Emburey b. Gatting 6
P.I.Pocock b. Gatting 3 c. Edmunds b. Gatting 0
Extras 2 14
---- ----
49 89
Daniel 9-5-16-5 Daniel 15-8-23-4
Selvey 11-2-23-3 Selvey 19-6-31-3
Gatting 2.5-2-2-2 Gatting 1.3-1-1-2
Emburey 9-4-17-1
Edmunds 6-4-3-0
Middlesex
J.E. Emburey not out 0
I.J.Gould not out 0
M.J.Smith st.Richards b. Pocock 51
J.M.Brearley not out 66
C.T.Radley not out 21
Extras 0 4
---- ----
0-0 dec 142-1
----- ------
did not bat : Gatting, Barlow, Featherstone, Edmonds, Selvey, Daniel
Jackman 0.1-0-0-0 Jackman 12.1-0-61-0
Payne 2-0-19-0
Butcher 2-0-11-0
Intikhab 3-0-20-0
Pocock 6-0-27-1
Irritating trends in modern cricket – 15
Admittedly this phenomenon is seen more in the one-day game than in real cricket but the wide slip is an absurd notion and an insult to any serious fast bowler. No one has so far challenged my contention that the object of fast bowling is to dismiss the batsman by beating the bat completely and bowling him or almost beating him and finding a thin edge to be caught by the wicket keeper or first or second slip. If the only slip is standing midway between the wicket keeper and gully what is his intended purpose? He appears to be there to catch a medium thick edge or even as a short third man to stop the single.
Any bowler worth his salt should insist on the slip being in the right place alongside the wicket keeper. Then his best efforts should result in the taking of a wicket as opposed to the ball screaming down to the boundary off an edge that eludes the wicket keeper. Captains who utilize the wide slip no doubt also have a sweeper on the cover boundary. Enough said.
Erratum, no Errata
The Great Jack Morgan was apoplectic at my erratum regarding the Legendary Len Stubbs’ captaincy of South Hampstead in the last issue and responded as follows:
“Erratum! Incredible! After 237 unacknowledged errors, he finally admits to one! Why bother to correct one amongst so many?”
Rangers Reminiscences
The Professor sent me this report on developments at Loftus Road following his visit to watch the Wrexham game with Frank Foreman
I think it was 12 years ago when I last went to Rangers. Frank couldn’t remember when he was last there, but it was certainly longer ago than that. The first shock was the ticket price - £44 for two tickets, “including booking fee” – if you please. Frank’s response was that we only wanted to watch, “not buy the bleeding team”. There was a good deal of this sort of thing from Foreman as the evening progressed.
Frank’s other principal concern was where to park his new car, so that when we returned it might still be in one piece, with the traditional number of wheels in place. In the event we met up at the Goldsmiths’ Arms for some pre-match sustenance and safe car parking. A slow walk to the ground took us past SBCCC that looked quite desperately dismal. Cricket grounds never look their best at this time of year but a half-boarded-up, half-falling-down pavilion is a particularly grim sight.
On to the ground, where the stop off at the pub required us to give the good folk of Shepherds Bush an opportunity to piss on our shoes, and thence to our seats. We were in the Ellerslie Road stand, opposite the press box. I looked very hard to see if the Lovely Jane Richards was covering the game but sadly she was nowhere to be seen. It was a great shame since I had hoped to ask what particular part of the Great Jack Morgan’s body was the subject of her current fantasy. The ground itself doesn’t seem to have changed much except that the pitch shows the obvious signs of being used by two clubs. New stands and facilities are, one supposes, out of the scope of a club not long since out of Administration.
Our first task was to try to identify “our” players. The programme cost £2.50 was not a great deal of help but we eventually sorted it out. “Blimey, when I last came you could get a programme and see the game for that money” – Foreman again. The match itself was, sad to say, pretty dire. It was saved by the home team winning and some decent football in the last 20 minutes. The first half was truly dreadful. It took us both back to Third Division South days. The problem was that Wrexham’s principal form of defence and Rangers’ principal form of attack was essentially the same – boot the ball high in the air and see what happens. This tactic gave ample scope for the players on the ground to engage in a prolonged series of wrestling matches at points where they expected the ball to land. It was all pretty grim. “Do you realise it is costing us 4/6d a minute to watch this crap” -Frank from the Bank again.
Mercifully, the second half was better, and both the goals were rather well taken - a good header from the big back-four man Carlisle and a nicely played ball through the inside-left slot for McLeod to score well. It would be hard to say that anyone caught the eye, but Gallen and Rowlands both became more influential as the game went on. I guess we both enjoyed ourselves, just about. We joined in the general raucous support of the team but, as middle-aged responsible and upright citizens, eschewed the abuse of the referee. We both remembered and employed your own somewhat eccentric, all-purpose bellow, of: “NOISE!”
Back to the pub where the Yarris was, thankfully, intact and then home. I spent a happy half-hour the following morning looking through the programme. It has articles purported to be written by various Rangers alumni that has them using turns of phrase which I doubt they knew they possessed and (as in the old days) the odd typographical hiccup. The banner headline introducing the visiting side, for example, proclaims them to be “Oldham Athletic F C” and goes on to give pen-portraits of the Welsh “Red Dragons”. Oldham were Rangers previous home opponents. Also, traditionalists will be pleased to hear that “Derek Buxton” is still writing the “Entertaining (sic) Statistics” page.
What chance of automatic promotion? On this showing, not a lot. Also Rangers have got a particularly difficult run-in with a preponderance of away games including traveling to Plymouth and Bristol City. I raised the possibility with Frank of a trip to Cardiff but he didn’t look too keen. “Cardiff! - I remember when it was at Wembley, only cost ten bob, and you didn’t have to drive all that way…”
Stop Press I have just heard from Ken James and am delighted to report that South Hampstead have agreed to host a re-union for all club cricketers from the 1960s and 1970s on Sunday 5th September, 2004. On the day there will be a match against the Wanderers but this event will proceed regardless of the weather. There will be a buffet lunch provided by the Russ Collins Circus and wives will also be most welcome to attend. A contribution of £10 per head will be requested to defray expenses. Full details of this “not to be missed” event will appear in the next edition.
Earlier Editions
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