GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 14
February 2004
I had a most enjoyable telephone conversation with Russell Bowes after Christmas. He came to London from Birmingham in 1964, although his family was originally from Bradford. At South Hampstead he was an innovator off the pitch starting a Monday Night disco in the old pavilion in an effort to lure nurses from Willesden General Hospital to the club and then later arranging the football match against The Showbiz XI in Willesden Town’s stadium. He left South Hampstead in 1968 and then played at Turnham Green and later at Teddington. His daughter and two sons are all members of the MCC and until two years ago he played in the same village side as his boys.
I have also received a communication from Robin Ager, whom I am delighted to say is also computer literate. Nevertheless, he feels that he will conform to our readership profile since he describes himself as retired and fogeyish. He attends a few days of Championship and Test cricket, doesn’t bother with the one day stuff and thinks the 20 over competition is an abomination. He has also come across Enoch (Keith Walmsley) at the Cricket Society’s meetings in London. Robin is currently the Secretary of his tennis club, a job that he modestly claims to have taken on to try to secure his place in the Men's fourth team of four, a ploy that, so far, is working. Robin was the best Wicket keeper I played with at any level and according to Tony Hawdon’s records was the only player to perform the wicket keepers double for South Hampstead, a feat that he achieved in 1964 and 1965. He was also a more than useful footballer.
Brian Howard, who played at Shepherds Bush in the seventies and eighties, and later played for Peterborough has also joined our ranks and has promised to contribute in due course.
I have also spoken with Roy Dodson who succeeded Wally Barratt as Club Secretary in the early sixties and eventually handed over to Ken James many years later. Roy is just as chirpy as ever and now plays bowls for recreation.
A number of you have suggested that you would welcome some form of re-union. I am trying to persuade Don Wallis to hold a Chairman’s Day at South Hampstead this summer. As soon as I have any news on this I will disseminate it. The idea would be to make it open to all club cricketers from the sixties and seventies who would like to assemble.
Serious Stuff
India, Australia and South Africa are emerging as serious batting nations with each having a bunch of world-class performers. By this I don’t mean the guys who from time to time look good players but rather those who consistently make big scores at the highest level. India has Dravid, Ganguly, Laxman and Tendulkar; Australia has Langer, Hayden, Ponting and Gilchrist; whilst South Africa has Smith, Gibbs, Kirsten and Kallis. The only other nation to have two is Sri Lanka with Jayasuriya and Jayawardene. The West Indies, New Zealand and Pakistan have Lara, Fleming and Haq respectively. For England Trescothic is too iffy to come into this category and Peg Leg has dropped out of the running since taking on the captaincy. Zimbabwe and Bangla Desh have no one of this caliber.
*
Much hope is being pinned on the English quicks for the West Indies tour. Personally I am not holding my breath. None of them are likely to play two consecutive matches without getting injured. None of them has ever taken five wickets in a test match and it is a rare event for most of them to have taken five wickets in an innings for their county side. Where is this expectation coming from?
*
The untimely death of David Hookes spurred reporters to recall that he had hit six sixes in an over whilst playing for Dulwich CC in the seventies. This prompted me to ask Dave Myers if this had occurred during his days at Dulwich. He replied: “ Yes. He was as usual pissed but not half as pissed as after the game. This is the same player who failed to turn up for day three of a test match due to the alcoholic administrations of Ginger Thurlow the fourth team skipper.” Dave admitted to having performed the same feat as Hookes – playing pissed under Thurlow, not hitting six sixes in an over.
*
Steve Thompson, who is a sensitive soul, drove down Du Cane Road recently and was upset to see that the old school is in the process of demolition. I expect that this would have had the same effect on a large proportion of our circulation list.
Commentators The Professor continues his study of the men behind the microphone
Incidentally, I’m surprised that you have not initiated a competition to identify the worst ever cricket commentator. Presumably at or near the top of all lists would be Henry Blofeld with his pantaloon buffoon Englishman act that I suppose he thinks is amusing. For me, I could just about stomach the “dear old thing” tosh if he were not so incompetent in description. Indeed I can’t think how any commentator can have the nerve to attempt the task without being able to identify the players on the field.
Roshan (see G&C 13) clearly knocks “Blowers”, ye Gods!, off the top spot but I offer a couple of others for thought.
In an earlier edition you mentioned Tony Greig’s synthetic enthusiasm and incessant hyperbole as a trifle annoying. I think I would offer, from the other end of the annoyance spectrum, Jim Laker, who always sounded so bored when commenting on the Sunday League games that it was not clear, apart from the money, why he had bothered to show up. Sunday League was truly boring but I’m not sure it is the commentator’s role to so succinctly convey that fact.
However, my best offering is from my earlier days of listening to cricket and that is Dennis Compton. He was used by the Beeb as another “expert” contributor, but he was truly hopeless. The reason, though, was not the same as with the above incompetents. Invariably, Compton would be asked by Peter West, or some such, what England’s tactics should be? If we were batting, he always said exactly the same thing: “Well…I think we need to push the run rate along a bit.” That was it.
It would have been a good plan were he, Compton, actually playing rather than offering these gentle post-prandial platitudes. He indeed could have pushed the rate along at bit. But instead of Compton we had Noddy Puller at the crease and he certainly couldn’t. You could sense the frustration of the older man at seeing all these half volleys and long-hops being pushed back that he would have merrily belted to the fence.
Never unkind though, Compton, even Puller would merit the universal appellation of “a lovely chap”. I think probably Compton, himself, was a “lovely chap”, but as a commentator…dire.
Project Salvation
George sent me an excellent article by Skid Marks which appeared in The Observer and which hit a number of nails squarely on the head
1. Steve Waugh: It is increasingly recognized that the Border-Gavaskar Trophy is now at least as important as The Ashes.
2. Ravi Shastri: England are still stuck in the past. They follow the MCC master class about the importance of keeping bat and pad together. They should encourage flair and natural talent.
3. Mark Taylor: If bowling standards around the world do not improve then all teams, even England, will start scoring quickly in test cricket.
4. In Sri Lanka England set out to play attritional cricket to blunt Murali. They failed. Will they risk trying to dominate the West Indians rather than try to wear them down?
5. In Sri Lanka England stagnated, unwilling to expand their game against the peculiar threat posed by Murali, unwilling to explore any option other than the lunging front pad. So we learnt nothing. It seemed like a tacit admission from Fletcher and Vaughan that the squad was not good enough to try another way.
6. England can play to the modern tempo. But they only tend to do so when cornered, when there is no alternative. In 2003 at the Oval England were 2-1 down and had to pursue victory whilst in Sydney the series was gone, there was nothing to lose. On both occasions England were unfettered and dangerous.
7. It appears that Fletcher and Vaughan have insufficient confidence in their players to encourage them to take the risk of exploring the limits of their potential. The Caribbean tour will be a litmus test of their ambition.
The Welsh Wizard On hearing of the Welsh Wizard’s tragic premature retirement from International cricket, George was moved to write
“A sad loss, which has tarnished the New Year for the whole family. Batsmen around the test world will sleep a little easier.”
Whilst the Professor added
“Now that the WW has hung up his international boots what hope is there?”
However, the Professor could not get this tragedy out of his mind and soon recognized a flaw in the announcement
“One thought came to me on reading the weekend papers. How can you retire from the England cricket team when you're not in it? The WW hasn't played for two and a half years - so from what is he retiring? More to the point, does this mean that a new trend has been set? Can Ward or Maynard or any one of dozens of not-in-the-national-side county players announce that they are "giving up"? Giving up what? This is on a par with my New Year resolutions that are always to give up something that I don't actually do.
Need we stop there? Why just county cricketers? Couldn't any of us "retire" from international cricket or indeed from anything else? Perhaps I should announce my retirement from international sky diving or underwater tennis competitions. After all, where the WW leads...”
I couldn’t resist joining in this merry banter
The WW has got your juices flowing nicely. I like this idea and it can probably be expanded. Whilst you may or may not have been a skydiver I see no reason why you should not announce your retirement from International Cricket at this point. It will make it easier for the selectors who may just have had you penciled in as a possibility. Personally I am not announcing my retirement just yet, not because I expect to be selected, but rather I am waiting to make a bigger splash.
Incidentally you need not fear that it would be an absolute decision since you could always come out of retirement, if selected, or simply just make yourself available again. A bit like Elton John or Cher.
Turnham Green Robin Ager wrote this article for the Turnham Green CC’s 150th Anniversary booklet Having grown up no more than a good boundary throw from Chiswick House and, as a boy spent all my waking hours there in the summer months, it was inevitable that I should develop a relationship with Turnham Green. At first, I was content to watch and admire as the club rebuilt itself after the Second World War, the impressive opening partnership of Len Pickering and Don Marchant still clear in the memory. Later, first as a pupil at Chiswick Grammar School and then as a young Old Meadonian, I was encouraged to regard the co-tenants of the House as the enemy. Finally, following a sequence of events that are so shrouded in history that I have only the dimmest recollection of them; I transferred my allegiance to the Green.
This was in 1957, at a time when home Sunday games continued to attract crowds in sufficient numbers to imbue the proceedings with importance – or at least the appearance of it. It was still worth taking the collecting box round, and inattentive spectators often got a rude awakening from a well-struck boundary! For most of the players, they were by far the largest crowds they were likely to play in front of.
By now, most of the post-war stalwarts had finished playing, but one who had not was Jim Franklin, who became Club Captain for ten years. It is difficult to overestimate Jim’s importance to the club at this time. He was the most affable of men, with the ability to see the best in everyone. Thus, although by his own admission no great cricketer, he was able to hold together a team of not inconsiderable talent (though I am in no doubt that we were not as good as we thought we were) and undeniably fragile temperament.
The fact that all matches then were “friendly” did not prevent passions from rising in a way which may be unimaginable to the current generation, but nor did it (usually) prevent much entertaining post-match socialising between the teams. For home games, an evening at The Hole in the Wall in Sutton Lane was often followed by further revelry at Dilys and Jim Franklin’s house in Flanders Road, from where, in those pre-breathalyser days, many an unwary opponent had to find his way home.
The tradition of “drinking the fixture back” after a heavy defeat was still very much alive; the Green was well equipped to face this task, although in all honesty the pattern of behaviour seemed to be unaffected by winning or losing. In the summer, Jim paid scant attention to his own business, spending his time playing and watching cricket, and recruiting players to his mid-week sides. Any side led by Jim was thus welcome and, if necessary, he had a couple of “jokers” up his sleeve: opening batsman Harry Baylis’s value to the side was considerably enhanced by his conjuring ability, while Harry Bostick could reduce listeners to helpless laughter with his brilliant telling of his repertoire of jokes.
I was away from the Green for eight years and, when I returned in 1970, it was to a very different team. By now, the decision to set up a Colts Section, pioneered by Bernard Deery, was beginning to bear fruit, and at least half of the team had graduated from that source. League cricket was also beginning to take hold. There was, to me, an interesting new mix of ages and cultures, but what persisted was the Turnham Green ethos of “carpe diem”.
I have a copy of the club’s fascinating centenary handbook, recording that England players Patsy Hendren and Jack Robertson started their careers at the Green. Although the fifty years since have not produced such luminaries, it is greatly to the credit of everyone at the club that, despite the many trials and tribulations of recent years, the 150th anniversary has been reached.
The England Wicket Keeper
George set me this pair of posers over Christmas
“One for James I think. I was quite surprised to hear Michael Atherton say today that the right way for England to choose the next generation wicket keeper was to pick the best batsman from among the likely candidates. Then work on his wicket keeping.
1) Do you agree?
2) Does this carry the hidden message that we are not planning any spinners for the future teams?
I replied as follows
Its what they did with Stewarty, as they called him at the Oval, and he was never much good, particularly standing up. On the other hand Read looks a piss poor batsman. There is so much one day cricket now and they want the keeper, rightly, to be the same in both and the chances of their being spin in the one day game is slim, so perhaps it doesn't matter that much.
The reason the English spinners don't turn it is down to Surrey Loam apparently, which is used everywhere but Northampton. This works up into a concrete like surface that lasts the whole game and doesn't break up on the third day. Perhaps Peg Leg should keep wicket and then the commentators won't go on about him bowling all the time.
The New Off Spinner The test matches in Sri Lanka demonstrated the enormous gulf that has emerged between English off spinners and world-class practitioners.
The commentators constantly referred to Gareth Batty as “young” as if this was adequate to explain his lack of craft. In fact Batty is twenty-seven and he has already played for three different counties in the championship. The Bangladeshi, Enamul al haq, is ten years his junior and looks a more accomplished bowler. Batty bowls the standard finger spun off spinner. He extracts little turn from the pitch and has little or no drift in the air from leg to off. On the plus side he bowls a tidy line and length. What does this add up to? The perfect bowler for a test batsman to play himself in against. Why was Peg Leg so reluctant to bowl him? For this very reason and when he did bowl he was relentlessly milked, never slogged. The Sri Lankans wanted him on as long as possible.
Murali, who has always been a handful, has now become the batsman’s complete nightmare. As he approaches the crease his eyes bulge and he looks manic like I would imagine a whirling dervish must appear. His standard off-spinner grips, bites and turns a minimum of eighteen inches on any surface. If any help is offered it goes two to three feet. But not content with this he has developed what no one else in the history of the game has previously achieved. He can now bowl a leg break with the same action as he bowls his regulation off-break. He also exercises the same control over this delivery as he does over his standard off break. It was felt that left handed batsmen would be best equipped to deal with this and that Graham Thorpe was just the man to sort him out. However, Thorpey, as they call him at the Oval, failed to distinguish the two deliveries and was Murali’s rabbit throughout the series.
Could there be any more bad news? Well yes, actually. Murali has now developed a back spinner that apparently stops and rears up at the batsman. He is perfecting this in the nets and will unleash it in the middle once he is able to deliver it in a manner indistinguishable from his other deliveries.
So where does this leave us? The standard off spin bowler is now a thing of the past since there are no longer spinners wickets that will give him the edge. It is critical for the off spinner now to develop another delivery, such as that utilized by Harbajan Singh or Saqlain Mushtaq. Even if he cannot manage a Murali delivery he must have something that will make the batsman believe that the ball may do something other than spin from off to leg.
Incidentally, in the India - Australia series the leg spinners have been taking a pounding. For all his wickets Stuart McGill is an expensive luxury and of course does not have a googly. Whilst that well known Man of Lords, Anil Kumble, went for what must be a record number of runs in a four match series.
Irritating Trends in Modern Cricket – Number 13
Ok, so I have never been a fast bowler but that doesn’t stop me wondering why so many international fast bowlers are now required to bowl without a third man or fine leg. I thought the idea of the fast bowler was to beat the bat by speed or hit the edge. If you have a range of slips in place then it might be understandable to have no third man, but when there are only one or two slips it seems self-defeating for the bowler to concede four when he has successfully found the outside edge. Similarly if he drifts marginally onto leg stump he is again punished by conceding a boundary. Where is he supposed to bowl? What happens is that he is forced to bowl short and then gets despatched, in the modern idiom, aerially over cover and mid-wicket. Allen Bruton wouldn’t have a place to field in the modern game.
Match Report
The following match took place between South Hampstead and Paddington at Milverton Road on Sunday 15th June 1975
On the face of it this match was unremarkable but closer scrutiny reveals some extraordinary features. It was an all day game and I was pleased to win the toss and duly invited Ron Bunning to field. I opened with Nigel Ross, who was on the Middlesex staff that season, and when I was dismissed in the eighth over with the score on 42 the match had strangely witnessed its only phase of brisk scoring. David Simpson and Nigel took the score on to 75, but were then both dismissed on that score. Nigel was a very clean hitter of the ball but lacked the concentration to consistently make big scores. Len Stubbs didn’t last long and when Lincoln Sylburne fell we had reached a precarious 105 for 5.
However, Ken Montgomery joined Keith Hardie, brother of Essex’s Brian, and either side of lunch they took us to a relatively respectable 144 for 5. But John Cox then trapped Montgomery LBW and after Hardie took a single we scored no further runs. John Cox, who had bowled ten overs for nineteen runs without taking a wicket then took four in three overs without conceding a run. Our last five wickets had fallen for just one run.
Things looked pretty gloomy for us. The wicket was good and when Paddington started their innings they had two hours fifty minutes plus 20 overs in the last hour to get an apparently straightforward 146. Eric Shepperd opened the batting with Ron Bunning against Ossie Burton and Ian Jerman. Ian Jerman soon gave way to Cliff Dickeson, a slow left-armer from New Zealand, who fired the ball in just short of a length. Ossie was proving economical and when I finally rested him he had bowled twelve overs for thirteen runs but we still hadn’t taken a wicket. Keith Hardie took over from him and in his second over trapped Ron Bunning LBW. This was the 27th over of the innings and the score was just 36. Over the next ninety minutes he took four more wickets, culminating in Eric Shepperd’s, whose innings of 24 had lasted over two hours and he had faced a staggering 178 balls!
At 89 for 5 we started to fancy our chances as long as we could keep taking wickets because Paddington still had plenty of time. I kept Dickeson going and he embarked on a sequence of nine overs in which he conceded only two scoring shots. However, Chris Bunning took a fancy to Hardie who conceded 24 runs in five overs. This took us to the beginning of the last twenty overs and I, as I did so often in the seventies, asked Ossie if he could manage another ten overs. He always obliged. Every run counted and Paddington still had three wickets in hand with the score on 136, just ten required. In a very tense finish Ossie bowled relentlessly straight and took 4 for 8 in seven overs. Cliff Dickeson took his only wicket in his 32nd over. Overall he bowled 33 overs consecutively from the Sidmouth Road end and conceded just 55 runs.
We won by 6 runs after bowling a mammoth seventy-seven overs and one ball. There were still six overs remaining.
South Hampstead
N. Ross b. Hanson 35
J. Sharp lbw Smith 21
D. Simpson b. Smith 14
L. Stubbs c. Shepherd b. Hanson 3
K. Hardie c. Bennett b. Cox 38
L. Sylburne b.Smith 12
K. Montgomery lbw Cox 15
R. Cozens b. Smith 0
I. Jerman b. Cox 0
C. Dickeson lbw Cox 0
O. Burton not out 0
Extras 7
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145
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FOW: 1-42; 2-75; 3-75; 4-86; 5-105; 6-144; 7-145; 8-145; 9-145; 10-145
P.Stanbury 8-0-48-0
P.Smith 25.3-8-58-4
T.Hanson 5-2-13-2
J.Cox 13-5-19-4
Paddington
E. Shepperd c. Sharp b. Hardie 24
R. Bunning lbw Hardie 24
J. Bennett c. & b. Hardie 2
K. McKenzie b. Hardie 8
D. Bunning b. Hardie 11
C. Bunning b. Burton 41
J. Cox lbw Burton 12
J. Soulsby b. Burton 4
P. Stanbury c. Hardie b. Dickeson 3
P. Smith not out 3
T. Hanson b. Burton 0
Extras 7
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139
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FOW 1-36; 2-42; 3-52; 4-74; 5-89; 6-114; 7-129; 8-136; 9-136; 10-139
O. Burton 19.1-6-21-4
I. Jerman 3-1-5-0
C. Dickeson 33-18-55-1
K. Hardie 22-8-51-5
Competition Corner
Steve Thompson easily won the Christmas Caption Competition with this splendid entry. In turn he is offering a substantial cash prize to the first reader who successfully identifies Ken James in the photo.
Barmy Army Revisited
The professor gave me this bollocking for my piece in G&C 13
I should make it clear that I am not now nor have I ever been a member of the Barmy Army. I do not want to sit with them or have my daughter marry one. But I am otherwise a whole-hearted supporter. I realise that to show enthusiasm is to invite ridicule in your journal -"copy from curmudgeons only" seems to be the maxim - but the BA is much to be applauded. Sure they make a racket and drink a lot. I have some recall of some of your readers doing the same in earlier times. However they are:
a. Enthusiastic to a level not seen for many years in English cricket,
b. Non-violent compared to football crowds,
c. There - they do actually turn up.
d. Much better informed than your piece suggested,
e. Witty in a way that football crowds often are; or were when you, Morgan and me were in them.
Lets have more enthusiasm and fewer curmudgeons.
Strange Elevens
Last months bunch were the Tall Team. Rob Turner at 6-foot 2inches was the shrimp but the tallest wicket keeper we could find. Giles is 6 foot 3 and Hick 6 foot 4. The rest are six foot five and over.
The Great Jack Morgan compiled this month’s Jazz Hat bunch:
Andy Moles
Colin Milburn
Mike Gatting
Colin Cowdrey
Inzamam-ul-Haq
Ian Botham
Intikhab Alam
Eddie Hemmings
Ian Austin
Norman Gifford
Fred Rumsey
Umpire – David Shepherd
If any further clues are required Pugsley could act as scorer and they would all have incurred Russ Collins’ wrath in the field.
The West Brothers Photo Album Darrell West was so upset at seeing his brother’s maritime activities in the last edition that he sent me this photo of himself imbibing at Bob Proctor’s re-union on Cup Final weekend last year. Darrell is wielding the glass, Ken Smales and Rod Jones (who now holds the record for most pictures in Googlies) feature in addition to Pugsley and Mrs. P.
Wine Lovers
Not content with being a regular contributor to this organ George has now started his own wine lovers journal “Amateurs du Vin”. He will be happy to add any interested parties to its email distribution list. Email George on graham.sharp@avecia.com and place your order.
I trust he will remain sober enough and still find time to continue to contribute to G&C.
Earlier Editions
I will be please to email you a copy of the earlier editions of Googlies & Chinamen, if you missed or have mislaid them:
Edition 1 includes: Tour Madness
Edition 2 includes: One or Two Short and Conspiracy Theory
Edition 3 includes: Naff & Absentee Journalism, The Russ Collins Circus
Edition 4 includes: World Cup Awards, Rhyming Slang, Duckworth Lewis
Edition 5 includes: The Cult of the Celebrity Umpire, The Great Jack Morgan, Just Like the Ivy
Edition 6 includes: Duckworth Lewis Revisited, Appalling Fielders, The SH Wed XI-1964
Edition 7 includes: A-Level Sport, The SH Wed XI-1968
Edition 8 includes: O-Level Cricket, The SH Sixes, Hitting an Eric
Edition 9 includes: Project Salvation, Shits, Ron Hooker’s Benefit Match, Arthur Gates’ Two Seasons
Edition 10 includes: Hawkeye, Morgan the Bowler, Behind the Sightscreen
Edition 11 includes: Sledging, Banter and Bankers; Points-Pointless;
Edition 12 includes: Fathers and Sons, Playing at Edmonton,
Edition 13 includes: Who’d be an Umpire, Physically and Mentally Handicapped
Just send me an email to secure your copies.
If you received this edition through a third party, please send me your email address to ensure that you get on the main mailing list for future editions.
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An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 14
February 2004
I had a most enjoyable telephone conversation with Russell Bowes after Christmas. He came to London from Birmingham in 1964, although his family was originally from Bradford. At South Hampstead he was an innovator off the pitch starting a Monday Night disco in the old pavilion in an effort to lure nurses from Willesden General Hospital to the club and then later arranging the football match against The Showbiz XI in Willesden Town’s stadium. He left South Hampstead in 1968 and then played at Turnham Green and later at Teddington. His daughter and two sons are all members of the MCC and until two years ago he played in the same village side as his boys.
I have also received a communication from Robin Ager, whom I am delighted to say is also computer literate. Nevertheless, he feels that he will conform to our readership profile since he describes himself as retired and fogeyish. He attends a few days of Championship and Test cricket, doesn’t bother with the one day stuff and thinks the 20 over competition is an abomination. He has also come across Enoch (Keith Walmsley) at the Cricket Society’s meetings in London. Robin is currently the Secretary of his tennis club, a job that he modestly claims to have taken on to try to secure his place in the Men's fourth team of four, a ploy that, so far, is working. Robin was the best Wicket keeper I played with at any level and according to Tony Hawdon’s records was the only player to perform the wicket keepers double for South Hampstead, a feat that he achieved in 1964 and 1965. He was also a more than useful footballer.
Brian Howard, who played at Shepherds Bush in the seventies and eighties, and later played for Peterborough has also joined our ranks and has promised to contribute in due course.
I have also spoken with Roy Dodson who succeeded Wally Barratt as Club Secretary in the early sixties and eventually handed over to Ken James many years later. Roy is just as chirpy as ever and now plays bowls for recreation.
A number of you have suggested that you would welcome some form of re-union. I am trying to persuade Don Wallis to hold a Chairman’s Day at South Hampstead this summer. As soon as I have any news on this I will disseminate it. The idea would be to make it open to all club cricketers from the sixties and seventies who would like to assemble.
Serious Stuff
India, Australia and South Africa are emerging as serious batting nations with each having a bunch of world-class performers. By this I don’t mean the guys who from time to time look good players but rather those who consistently make big scores at the highest level. India has Dravid, Ganguly, Laxman and Tendulkar; Australia has Langer, Hayden, Ponting and Gilchrist; whilst South Africa has Smith, Gibbs, Kirsten and Kallis. The only other nation to have two is Sri Lanka with Jayasuriya and Jayawardene. The West Indies, New Zealand and Pakistan have Lara, Fleming and Haq respectively. For England Trescothic is too iffy to come into this category and Peg Leg has dropped out of the running since taking on the captaincy. Zimbabwe and Bangla Desh have no one of this caliber.
*
Much hope is being pinned on the English quicks for the West Indies tour. Personally I am not holding my breath. None of them are likely to play two consecutive matches without getting injured. None of them has ever taken five wickets in a test match and it is a rare event for most of them to have taken five wickets in an innings for their county side. Where is this expectation coming from?
*
The untimely death of David Hookes spurred reporters to recall that he had hit six sixes in an over whilst playing for Dulwich CC in the seventies. This prompted me to ask Dave Myers if this had occurred during his days at Dulwich. He replied: “ Yes. He was as usual pissed but not half as pissed as after the game. This is the same player who failed to turn up for day three of a test match due to the alcoholic administrations of Ginger Thurlow the fourth team skipper.” Dave admitted to having performed the same feat as Hookes – playing pissed under Thurlow, not hitting six sixes in an over.
*
Steve Thompson, who is a sensitive soul, drove down Du Cane Road recently and was upset to see that the old school is in the process of demolition. I expect that this would have had the same effect on a large proportion of our circulation list.
Commentators The Professor continues his study of the men behind the microphone
Incidentally, I’m surprised that you have not initiated a competition to identify the worst ever cricket commentator. Presumably at or near the top of all lists would be Henry Blofeld with his pantaloon buffoon Englishman act that I suppose he thinks is amusing. For me, I could just about stomach the “dear old thing” tosh if he were not so incompetent in description. Indeed I can’t think how any commentator can have the nerve to attempt the task without being able to identify the players on the field.
Roshan (see G&C 13) clearly knocks “Blowers”, ye Gods!, off the top spot but I offer a couple of others for thought.
In an earlier edition you mentioned Tony Greig’s synthetic enthusiasm and incessant hyperbole as a trifle annoying. I think I would offer, from the other end of the annoyance spectrum, Jim Laker, who always sounded so bored when commenting on the Sunday League games that it was not clear, apart from the money, why he had bothered to show up. Sunday League was truly boring but I’m not sure it is the commentator’s role to so succinctly convey that fact.
However, my best offering is from my earlier days of listening to cricket and that is Dennis Compton. He was used by the Beeb as another “expert” contributor, but he was truly hopeless. The reason, though, was not the same as with the above incompetents. Invariably, Compton would be asked by Peter West, or some such, what England’s tactics should be? If we were batting, he always said exactly the same thing: “Well…I think we need to push the run rate along a bit.” That was it.
It would have been a good plan were he, Compton, actually playing rather than offering these gentle post-prandial platitudes. He indeed could have pushed the rate along at bit. But instead of Compton we had Noddy Puller at the crease and he certainly couldn’t. You could sense the frustration of the older man at seeing all these half volleys and long-hops being pushed back that he would have merrily belted to the fence.
Never unkind though, Compton, even Puller would merit the universal appellation of “a lovely chap”. I think probably Compton, himself, was a “lovely chap”, but as a commentator…dire.
Project Salvation
George sent me an excellent article by Skid Marks which appeared in The Observer and which hit a number of nails squarely on the head
1. Steve Waugh: It is increasingly recognized that the Border-Gavaskar Trophy is now at least as important as The Ashes.
2. Ravi Shastri: England are still stuck in the past. They follow the MCC master class about the importance of keeping bat and pad together. They should encourage flair and natural talent.
3. Mark Taylor: If bowling standards around the world do not improve then all teams, even England, will start scoring quickly in test cricket.
4. In Sri Lanka England set out to play attritional cricket to blunt Murali. They failed. Will they risk trying to dominate the West Indians rather than try to wear them down?
5. In Sri Lanka England stagnated, unwilling to expand their game against the peculiar threat posed by Murali, unwilling to explore any option other than the lunging front pad. So we learnt nothing. It seemed like a tacit admission from Fletcher and Vaughan that the squad was not good enough to try another way.
6. England can play to the modern tempo. But they only tend to do so when cornered, when there is no alternative. In 2003 at the Oval England were 2-1 down and had to pursue victory whilst in Sydney the series was gone, there was nothing to lose. On both occasions England were unfettered and dangerous.
7. It appears that Fletcher and Vaughan have insufficient confidence in their players to encourage them to take the risk of exploring the limits of their potential. The Caribbean tour will be a litmus test of their ambition.
The Welsh Wizard On hearing of the Welsh Wizard’s tragic premature retirement from International cricket, George was moved to write
“A sad loss, which has tarnished the New Year for the whole family. Batsmen around the test world will sleep a little easier.”
Whilst the Professor added
“Now that the WW has hung up his international boots what hope is there?”
However, the Professor could not get this tragedy out of his mind and soon recognized a flaw in the announcement
“One thought came to me on reading the weekend papers. How can you retire from the England cricket team when you're not in it? The WW hasn't played for two and a half years - so from what is he retiring? More to the point, does this mean that a new trend has been set? Can Ward or Maynard or any one of dozens of not-in-the-national-side county players announce that they are "giving up"? Giving up what? This is on a par with my New Year resolutions that are always to give up something that I don't actually do.
Need we stop there? Why just county cricketers? Couldn't any of us "retire" from international cricket or indeed from anything else? Perhaps I should announce my retirement from international sky diving or underwater tennis competitions. After all, where the WW leads...”
I couldn’t resist joining in this merry banter
The WW has got your juices flowing nicely. I like this idea and it can probably be expanded. Whilst you may or may not have been a skydiver I see no reason why you should not announce your retirement from International Cricket at this point. It will make it easier for the selectors who may just have had you penciled in as a possibility. Personally I am not announcing my retirement just yet, not because I expect to be selected, but rather I am waiting to make a bigger splash.
Incidentally you need not fear that it would be an absolute decision since you could always come out of retirement, if selected, or simply just make yourself available again. A bit like Elton John or Cher.
Turnham Green Robin Ager wrote this article for the Turnham Green CC’s 150th Anniversary booklet Having grown up no more than a good boundary throw from Chiswick House and, as a boy spent all my waking hours there in the summer months, it was inevitable that I should develop a relationship with Turnham Green. At first, I was content to watch and admire as the club rebuilt itself after the Second World War, the impressive opening partnership of Len Pickering and Don Marchant still clear in the memory. Later, first as a pupil at Chiswick Grammar School and then as a young Old Meadonian, I was encouraged to regard the co-tenants of the House as the enemy. Finally, following a sequence of events that are so shrouded in history that I have only the dimmest recollection of them; I transferred my allegiance to the Green.
This was in 1957, at a time when home Sunday games continued to attract crowds in sufficient numbers to imbue the proceedings with importance – or at least the appearance of it. It was still worth taking the collecting box round, and inattentive spectators often got a rude awakening from a well-struck boundary! For most of the players, they were by far the largest crowds they were likely to play in front of.
By now, most of the post-war stalwarts had finished playing, but one who had not was Jim Franklin, who became Club Captain for ten years. It is difficult to overestimate Jim’s importance to the club at this time. He was the most affable of men, with the ability to see the best in everyone. Thus, although by his own admission no great cricketer, he was able to hold together a team of not inconsiderable talent (though I am in no doubt that we were not as good as we thought we were) and undeniably fragile temperament.
The fact that all matches then were “friendly” did not prevent passions from rising in a way which may be unimaginable to the current generation, but nor did it (usually) prevent much entertaining post-match socialising between the teams. For home games, an evening at The Hole in the Wall in Sutton Lane was often followed by further revelry at Dilys and Jim Franklin’s house in Flanders Road, from where, in those pre-breathalyser days, many an unwary opponent had to find his way home.
The tradition of “drinking the fixture back” after a heavy defeat was still very much alive; the Green was well equipped to face this task, although in all honesty the pattern of behaviour seemed to be unaffected by winning or losing. In the summer, Jim paid scant attention to his own business, spending his time playing and watching cricket, and recruiting players to his mid-week sides. Any side led by Jim was thus welcome and, if necessary, he had a couple of “jokers” up his sleeve: opening batsman Harry Baylis’s value to the side was considerably enhanced by his conjuring ability, while Harry Bostick could reduce listeners to helpless laughter with his brilliant telling of his repertoire of jokes.
I was away from the Green for eight years and, when I returned in 1970, it was to a very different team. By now, the decision to set up a Colts Section, pioneered by Bernard Deery, was beginning to bear fruit, and at least half of the team had graduated from that source. League cricket was also beginning to take hold. There was, to me, an interesting new mix of ages and cultures, but what persisted was the Turnham Green ethos of “carpe diem”.
I have a copy of the club’s fascinating centenary handbook, recording that England players Patsy Hendren and Jack Robertson started their careers at the Green. Although the fifty years since have not produced such luminaries, it is greatly to the credit of everyone at the club that, despite the many trials and tribulations of recent years, the 150th anniversary has been reached.
The England Wicket Keeper
George set me this pair of posers over Christmas
“One for James I think. I was quite surprised to hear Michael Atherton say today that the right way for England to choose the next generation wicket keeper was to pick the best batsman from among the likely candidates. Then work on his wicket keeping.
1) Do you agree?
2) Does this carry the hidden message that we are not planning any spinners for the future teams?
I replied as follows
Its what they did with Stewarty, as they called him at the Oval, and he was never much good, particularly standing up. On the other hand Read looks a piss poor batsman. There is so much one day cricket now and they want the keeper, rightly, to be the same in both and the chances of their being spin in the one day game is slim, so perhaps it doesn't matter that much.
The reason the English spinners don't turn it is down to Surrey Loam apparently, which is used everywhere but Northampton. This works up into a concrete like surface that lasts the whole game and doesn't break up on the third day. Perhaps Peg Leg should keep wicket and then the commentators won't go on about him bowling all the time.
The New Off Spinner The test matches in Sri Lanka demonstrated the enormous gulf that has emerged between English off spinners and world-class practitioners.
The commentators constantly referred to Gareth Batty as “young” as if this was adequate to explain his lack of craft. In fact Batty is twenty-seven and he has already played for three different counties in the championship. The Bangladeshi, Enamul al haq, is ten years his junior and looks a more accomplished bowler. Batty bowls the standard finger spun off spinner. He extracts little turn from the pitch and has little or no drift in the air from leg to off. On the plus side he bowls a tidy line and length. What does this add up to? The perfect bowler for a test batsman to play himself in against. Why was Peg Leg so reluctant to bowl him? For this very reason and when he did bowl he was relentlessly milked, never slogged. The Sri Lankans wanted him on as long as possible.
Murali, who has always been a handful, has now become the batsman’s complete nightmare. As he approaches the crease his eyes bulge and he looks manic like I would imagine a whirling dervish must appear. His standard off-spinner grips, bites and turns a minimum of eighteen inches on any surface. If any help is offered it goes two to three feet. But not content with this he has developed what no one else in the history of the game has previously achieved. He can now bowl a leg break with the same action as he bowls his regulation off-break. He also exercises the same control over this delivery as he does over his standard off break. It was felt that left handed batsmen would be best equipped to deal with this and that Graham Thorpe was just the man to sort him out. However, Thorpey, as they call him at the Oval, failed to distinguish the two deliveries and was Murali’s rabbit throughout the series.
Could there be any more bad news? Well yes, actually. Murali has now developed a back spinner that apparently stops and rears up at the batsman. He is perfecting this in the nets and will unleash it in the middle once he is able to deliver it in a manner indistinguishable from his other deliveries.
So where does this leave us? The standard off spin bowler is now a thing of the past since there are no longer spinners wickets that will give him the edge. It is critical for the off spinner now to develop another delivery, such as that utilized by Harbajan Singh or Saqlain Mushtaq. Even if he cannot manage a Murali delivery he must have something that will make the batsman believe that the ball may do something other than spin from off to leg.
Incidentally, in the India - Australia series the leg spinners have been taking a pounding. For all his wickets Stuart McGill is an expensive luxury and of course does not have a googly. Whilst that well known Man of Lords, Anil Kumble, went for what must be a record number of runs in a four match series.
Irritating Trends in Modern Cricket – Number 13
Ok, so I have never been a fast bowler but that doesn’t stop me wondering why so many international fast bowlers are now required to bowl without a third man or fine leg. I thought the idea of the fast bowler was to beat the bat by speed or hit the edge. If you have a range of slips in place then it might be understandable to have no third man, but when there are only one or two slips it seems self-defeating for the bowler to concede four when he has successfully found the outside edge. Similarly if he drifts marginally onto leg stump he is again punished by conceding a boundary. Where is he supposed to bowl? What happens is that he is forced to bowl short and then gets despatched, in the modern idiom, aerially over cover and mid-wicket. Allen Bruton wouldn’t have a place to field in the modern game.
Match Report
The following match took place between South Hampstead and Paddington at Milverton Road on Sunday 15th June 1975
On the face of it this match was unremarkable but closer scrutiny reveals some extraordinary features. It was an all day game and I was pleased to win the toss and duly invited Ron Bunning to field. I opened with Nigel Ross, who was on the Middlesex staff that season, and when I was dismissed in the eighth over with the score on 42 the match had strangely witnessed its only phase of brisk scoring. David Simpson and Nigel took the score on to 75, but were then both dismissed on that score. Nigel was a very clean hitter of the ball but lacked the concentration to consistently make big scores. Len Stubbs didn’t last long and when Lincoln Sylburne fell we had reached a precarious 105 for 5.
However, Ken Montgomery joined Keith Hardie, brother of Essex’s Brian, and either side of lunch they took us to a relatively respectable 144 for 5. But John Cox then trapped Montgomery LBW and after Hardie took a single we scored no further runs. John Cox, who had bowled ten overs for nineteen runs without taking a wicket then took four in three overs without conceding a run. Our last five wickets had fallen for just one run.
Things looked pretty gloomy for us. The wicket was good and when Paddington started their innings they had two hours fifty minutes plus 20 overs in the last hour to get an apparently straightforward 146. Eric Shepperd opened the batting with Ron Bunning against Ossie Burton and Ian Jerman. Ian Jerman soon gave way to Cliff Dickeson, a slow left-armer from New Zealand, who fired the ball in just short of a length. Ossie was proving economical and when I finally rested him he had bowled twelve overs for thirteen runs but we still hadn’t taken a wicket. Keith Hardie took over from him and in his second over trapped Ron Bunning LBW. This was the 27th over of the innings and the score was just 36. Over the next ninety minutes he took four more wickets, culminating in Eric Shepperd’s, whose innings of 24 had lasted over two hours and he had faced a staggering 178 balls!
At 89 for 5 we started to fancy our chances as long as we could keep taking wickets because Paddington still had plenty of time. I kept Dickeson going and he embarked on a sequence of nine overs in which he conceded only two scoring shots. However, Chris Bunning took a fancy to Hardie who conceded 24 runs in five overs. This took us to the beginning of the last twenty overs and I, as I did so often in the seventies, asked Ossie if he could manage another ten overs. He always obliged. Every run counted and Paddington still had three wickets in hand with the score on 136, just ten required. In a very tense finish Ossie bowled relentlessly straight and took 4 for 8 in seven overs. Cliff Dickeson took his only wicket in his 32nd over. Overall he bowled 33 overs consecutively from the Sidmouth Road end and conceded just 55 runs.
We won by 6 runs after bowling a mammoth seventy-seven overs and one ball. There were still six overs remaining.
South Hampstead
N. Ross b. Hanson 35
J. Sharp lbw Smith 21
D. Simpson b. Smith 14
L. Stubbs c. Shepherd b. Hanson 3
K. Hardie c. Bennett b. Cox 38
L. Sylburne b.Smith 12
K. Montgomery lbw Cox 15
R. Cozens b. Smith 0
I. Jerman b. Cox 0
C. Dickeson lbw Cox 0
O. Burton not out 0
Extras 7
----
145
-----
FOW: 1-42; 2-75; 3-75; 4-86; 5-105; 6-144; 7-145; 8-145; 9-145; 10-145
P.Stanbury 8-0-48-0
P.Smith 25.3-8-58-4
T.Hanson 5-2-13-2
J.Cox 13-5-19-4
Paddington
E. Shepperd c. Sharp b. Hardie 24
R. Bunning lbw Hardie 24
J. Bennett c. & b. Hardie 2
K. McKenzie b. Hardie 8
D. Bunning b. Hardie 11
C. Bunning b. Burton 41
J. Cox lbw Burton 12
J. Soulsby b. Burton 4
P. Stanbury c. Hardie b. Dickeson 3
P. Smith not out 3
T. Hanson b. Burton 0
Extras 7
-----
139
------
FOW 1-36; 2-42; 3-52; 4-74; 5-89; 6-114; 7-129; 8-136; 9-136; 10-139
O. Burton 19.1-6-21-4
I. Jerman 3-1-5-0
C. Dickeson 33-18-55-1
K. Hardie 22-8-51-5
Competition Corner
Steve Thompson easily won the Christmas Caption Competition with this splendid entry. In turn he is offering a substantial cash prize to the first reader who successfully identifies Ken James in the photo.
Barmy Army Revisited
The professor gave me this bollocking for my piece in G&C 13
I should make it clear that I am not now nor have I ever been a member of the Barmy Army. I do not want to sit with them or have my daughter marry one. But I am otherwise a whole-hearted supporter. I realise that to show enthusiasm is to invite ridicule in your journal -"copy from curmudgeons only" seems to be the maxim - but the BA is much to be applauded. Sure they make a racket and drink a lot. I have some recall of some of your readers doing the same in earlier times. However they are:
a. Enthusiastic to a level not seen for many years in English cricket,
b. Non-violent compared to football crowds,
c. There - they do actually turn up.
d. Much better informed than your piece suggested,
e. Witty in a way that football crowds often are; or were when you, Morgan and me were in them.
Lets have more enthusiasm and fewer curmudgeons.
Strange Elevens
Last months bunch were the Tall Team. Rob Turner at 6-foot 2inches was the shrimp but the tallest wicket keeper we could find. Giles is 6 foot 3 and Hick 6 foot 4. The rest are six foot five and over.
The Great Jack Morgan compiled this month’s Jazz Hat bunch:
Andy Moles
Colin Milburn
Mike Gatting
Colin Cowdrey
Inzamam-ul-Haq
Ian Botham
Intikhab Alam
Eddie Hemmings
Ian Austin
Norman Gifford
Fred Rumsey
Umpire – David Shepherd
If any further clues are required Pugsley could act as scorer and they would all have incurred Russ Collins’ wrath in the field.
The West Brothers Photo Album Darrell West was so upset at seeing his brother’s maritime activities in the last edition that he sent me this photo of himself imbibing at Bob Proctor’s re-union on Cup Final weekend last year. Darrell is wielding the glass, Ken Smales and Rod Jones (who now holds the record for most pictures in Googlies) feature in addition to Pugsley and Mrs. P.
Wine Lovers
Not content with being a regular contributor to this organ George has now started his own wine lovers journal “Amateurs du Vin”. He will be happy to add any interested parties to its email distribution list. Email George on graham.sharp@avecia.com and place your order.
I trust he will remain sober enough and still find time to continue to contribute to G&C.
Earlier Editions
I will be please to email you a copy of the earlier editions of Googlies & Chinamen, if you missed or have mislaid them:
Edition 1 includes: Tour Madness
Edition 2 includes: One or Two Short and Conspiracy Theory
Edition 3 includes: Naff & Absentee Journalism, The Russ Collins Circus
Edition 4 includes: World Cup Awards, Rhyming Slang, Duckworth Lewis
Edition 5 includes: The Cult of the Celebrity Umpire, The Great Jack Morgan, Just Like the Ivy
Edition 6 includes: Duckworth Lewis Revisited, Appalling Fielders, The SH Wed XI-1964
Edition 7 includes: A-Level Sport, The SH Wed XI-1968
Edition 8 includes: O-Level Cricket, The SH Sixes, Hitting an Eric
Edition 9 includes: Project Salvation, Shits, Ron Hooker’s Benefit Match, Arthur Gates’ Two Seasons
Edition 10 includes: Hawkeye, Morgan the Bowler, Behind the Sightscreen
Edition 11 includes: Sledging, Banter and Bankers; Points-Pointless;
Edition 12 includes: Fathers and Sons, Playing at Edmonton,
Edition 13 includes: Who’d be an Umpire, Physically and Mentally Handicapped
Just send me an email to secure your copies.
If you received this edition through a third party, please send me your email address to ensure that you get on the main mailing list for future editions.
Googlies and Chinamen
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