GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 8
August 2003 Bromyard Avenue The extraordinary performances by the South Africans rightly take pride of place this month. However, I still have grave reservations about what the weight of captaincy and, in particular, the press pressure will do to Peg Leg’s form with the bat. The England selectors have a sort of death wish - its years since we had a batsman capable of scoring big hundreds and, maybe, the first time we have one who can score them quickly and they choose to put it all at risk by subjecting him to the poisoned chalice role.
Arthur Gates has sent me some material and he is a most welcome addition to the Googlies community. Arthur was the best schoolboy seamer I ever saw. I played both with and against Mike Selvey at that time but at that stage he was primarily just quick. Arthur bowled just back of a length and could move it both ways off the seam. He never seemed to tire and would often bowl throughout the innings. He was so difficult to get away that many of the games the Professor skippered in 1965 became rather boring, at least whilst we were fielding. After leaving school Arthur grew some extra inches and never achieved the control he previously had. He left Paddington to join the Bush when he left school and has kindly sent me some notes on Paddington CC, which I am hoping will form the basis for an article. If anyone else can help me out I will be most grateful.
Roger Kingdon has never left the Middlesex club scene and didn’t take much finding. My mum had earlier flushed him out and taken a photo of him at Bob Proctor’s Brentham gathering and then when the Great Jack Morgan bumped into him at a Middlesex 2s game at Ealing he signed him up for the postal distribution.
On Saturday 6th September Shepherds Bush have their final league game of the season, although sadly their old pavilion has been demolished and all facilities are provided from portacabins. I shall be meeting the Great Jack Morgan there courtesy of Dave Perrin. Others who might like to join us will be most welcome as long as they behave themselves… The entrance to the ground is now in Bromyard Avenue, not in East Acton Lane as of old.
In this edition we have the first of a new series featuring Match Reports. This gives the author the opportunity to revisit a game and put his own particular spin on proceedings. He may wish to exorcise ghosts, settle old scores, blow his own trumpet, share fond memories or even to re-write history. Please join in this indulgence and send in your own match reports. Since no one has the means to correct you, you can more or less make it up.
The Season-July
The organization of the domestic season is now sadly given over to moneymaking tactics. It started with some good weather in May and there was some excellent county cricket. However, the international season commenced with a ridiculous two-match Test series against the lamentable Zimbabweans and then a pointless three-match one-day series against Pakistan, who had apparently popped into the UK to do some shopping on their way home from somewhere or other. As if this wasn’t enough disruption we then had to endure a ten-match triangular one-day series against Zimbabwe and South Africa. Somewhere in between we had the nonsense of the Twenty20 experiment. At last we can now settle down to the County Championship and some real Test cricket, played in whites.
*
I have been severely reprimanded by the Great jack Morgan for referring to the one-day match as the Sunday Slog, which, as Bob Cozens will confirm, is due to my addiction to alliteration. He tells me that it should properly be referred to as Mickey Mouse Cricket. He is now attempting to obtain consensus of nomenclature for Twenty 20 cricket. The suggestion is that it be referred to as Dumberer Cricket. I have already signed up in support of this.
What is wrong with one-day cricket at the professional level? It eliminates the possibility of the draw, which is an essential part of proper cricket. Incidentally, this is actually very American since none of their sports cater for a draw and they started the golden goal type arrangements since their mentality cannot cope with other than success or failure.
*
Two old friends dropped in at the Edgbaston Day-nighter within minutes of each other. First Freeze Brain paid Peg Leg Vaughan a visit when he shouldered arms to a straight one with five runs required. Then Rikki Clarke became the latest entrant to the Red Mist Hall of Fame when he was bowled trying to hit the ball out of the ground with the scores level. Freeze Brain is a highly contagious virus and both Butcher and Nass succumbed in the Edgbaston test holding their willow aloft.
*
One by-product of all this international cricket in the domestic season is that the players start to spend too much time together and eventually examples of Tour Madness start to emerge. In the shortened day-nighter at Trent Bridge Chris Read, average under ten, emerged at number three ahead of Peg Leg, the World’s top batsman at the time.
*
One bright spot in this dearth of real cricket is Middlesex’ surprising relative success in the top division. It now looks as if they will stay up for next season. They seem to be able to score enough runs, even though Shah must be one of the great under-achievers, and they now need to decide how they plan to bowl out the opposition. Perhaps they missed the boat with Muri.
South Hampstead Sixes
When six a side cricket was launched at South Hampstead as part of the celebrations following the opening of the new pavilion in 1966, Bob Peach led, quite rightly, the strongest six the club could muster, and it duly won the cricket week competition against tough opposition from the likes of Brondesbury, Hornsey and Paddington.
The following year Don Wallis was invited to enter a different side, which to everyone’s surprise performed extremely well, so much so that in the week’s climax it found itself in the final against a full strength Hornsey side, including Roger Pearman, Alan Day and Colin Nash.
Hornsey would use Alan “Daisy” Day as their first bowler, who in this cricket, mesmerized batsmen with his looping leg-spinners and googlies. I watched from the other end as Mike John slogged his first delivery back over his head and into Milverton Road. Daisy was visibly shaken and although we didn’t maintain this momentum throughout, after Mike and I were out, Alan Bruton and Chris Hales scampered loads of twos and threes and we posted a respectable total.
When Hornsey batted, everyone present witnessed the most extraordinary feat they had ever seen in this form of cricket. Dick Boothroyd, who came from up-north and was sharp off six paces, started with a maiden to Roger Pearman, the sometime Middlesex player. This was enough to demoralize the favourites and they never got close to reaching our total.
Wallis, of course, was nauseating and basked in his unexpected triumph. It was, I believe, his first foray into captaincy, but he went on to captain the Sunday First XI through the early seventies when he repeatedly got weak sides to perform above themselves.
Off Spin
Earlier this season I was watching Jeremy Snape bowl and wondered what looked odd about it. I came to the conclusion that he just looked old-fashioned with his classical action. Why was this? It must be because I had spent the winter and spring watching the new breed of funny off-spinners of which the principal exponents are Murilitharan, Saqlain Mushtaq and Harbajhan Singh. These guys have changed the whole face of off spinning by bowling a wrong-un seemingly by using the same action as for the off-spinner. It has become as complicated as batting against a sort of front of the hand Shane Warne, if you see what I mean.
In the Good Old Days, Fred Titmus used to drift away from the right-handers to cause discomfort even if the ball didn’t turn. When it spun as well he could be almost unplayable, but at least the batsman knew what was going on. These new guys don’t need it to turn because the batsman is guessing what will happen anyway. And this goes for the best of them-Harbajhan sorted Hayden out in the World Cup final and Lara was repeatedly beaten by Muri in the recent tests in the Caribbean. The only way they seemingly get runs is by sweeping.
Personally, it looks to me as if these guys throw most of their deliveries, but what do I know and maybe it doesn’t matter at their pace.
O-Level Cricket
Your performance in A-level Sport in the last edition was lamentable. To enable you to redeem your self-esteem, you have the opportunity to take O-Level cricket in this edition. It is presented in the current mode in multiple-choice format.
All Questions must be answered.
Select one answer only for each question.
Thirty minutes is allowed for completion of the examination.
1. Inexplicably you have been appointed Manager of the England cricket team. Do you:
a. Select an all Surrey XI
b. Phone Chelmsford to check on Big Ronnie’s form
c. Cancel all matches until further notice to preserve your unbeaten record
2. You find yourself sitting next to Mike Gatting at Lords. What must you not do:
a. Ask him if he is still in touch with Shakoor Rana
b. Leave your packed lunch unattended when you go for a pee
c. Ask him if his nose still hurts
3. Phil Tufnell phones and asks what you are doing next weekend. Do you:
a. Put the phone down without saying anything
b. Put in a call to your dealer
c. Check on your stock of Alka Seltzer
4. You are offered a lift by Len Stubbs. Do you:
a. Politely decline and take the bus
b. Say that Bob Cozens is already picking you up
c. Make sure there is room for your girlfriend too
5. You find yourself facing Brett Lee with seven required off the last over and only one wicket remaining. Do you:
a. Take a quick single to let the number eleven finish it off.
b. Clutch your back and retire hurt
c. Take off your helmet and shout down the wicket “Pitch it up Laddy”
6. Bangladesh is asked to fill a gap in the fixture list in cricket week at your club. Do you:
a. Only pick third eleven players that day
b. Cancel lunch and make it a half day game
c. Suggest that even the Twenty 20 format will prove too long
7. David Hays asks if he can borrow your bat. Do you:
a. Say sorry it is having a new rubber fitted
b. Say sorry you have only just finished putting linseed oil on it and its still sticky
c. Say “certainly” and pass him someone else’s
8. You are playing for the MCC and the skipper drinks too much port at lunchtime. He puts Steve Thompson on to bowl and asks you to field at silly mid-off. Do you:
a. Resign your life membership immediately
b. Ask for a fire proof door instead of a box
c. Tell him you have to speak to your insurance broker first
9. You are starring in a Quiz night at Shepherds Bush and you are asked if you think the next question will be a trick one. Do you:
a. Phone a friend
b. Admit you don’t have a friend
c. Give thanks that they don’t serve Greene King
10. You receive a bundle of back editions of Googlies & Chinamen from someone reveling in nostalgia and smart arsedness. Do you:
a. Consign them unread to the bin.
b. Display them in pride of place on your coffee table
c. Explain to your wife that you once knew the brother of someone who is mentioned
11. You are invited by a friend to attend a Twenty 20 match. Do you:
a. Say sorry but it conflicts with Coronation Street
b. Say you would rather spend the time in boiling oil
c. Ask whether there will be a Bouncy Castle
12. Don Bick phones you up and asks how you got on in A-Level Sport. Do you:
a. Suggest he seeks sex and travel
b. Ask him why he never bowled a leg break with an off- spinner’s action
c. Ask him what phone network connects to eternity
Long Hit
The Professor thought we might like to hear about this
Since you delight in these sorts of trifles I meant to add
that Uxbridge is the ground on which I hit the ball the furthest I ever
managed. Lest you should think this an idle boast, let me explain. It was
about 6 years ago - end of season friendly. It had been very hot and very
dry and the outfields were like glass. I had been brought in from the 3rds
because of poor availability and when I got there we won the toss, batted
and I was asked to open. They had a couple of briskish young lads, one of whom was decidedly nippy and knew a cheap wicket when he saw one – an old git with no helmet, etc. One past my nose that a combination of experience and cowardice helped me to survive but I decided that I was unlikely to be around long and would have a go at the next thing remotely in my half-which I did. Sharp delivery, flash of the blade and the thinnest of outside edges. Over first slip and to the fence. Only at Uxbridge there isn't a fence straight since there is the third team pitch end-on to the first’s. So the ball carried on. Across their outfield (there was no game on)- over the square - where it seemed to pick up pace - over the next bit of outfield, across its third boundary line and eventually coming to rest in some long grass by the entrance. Must have been about 200 yards, which is further than I can hit a golf ball.
I asked the Professor whether he went on to complete a fifty. Sadly he responded that he got out sedately at the other end a couple of overs later.
Hitting an Eric George explains how Gilchrist, Tendulkar, Sehwag and now Trescothick owe a debt of gratitude to an unexpected source
Shoaib Aktar’s bowling in the one-day test at the Oval was extraordinary for a couple of reasons. This is in addition to the fact that it was pretty thoughtless: he just lost his rag and his line and tried to bowl faster and faster.
The first was that he conceded 4 byes that went over the boundary first bounce. I don’t think I’ve seen that before. The second was that Trescothick hit ‘an Eric’: an uppercut six over 3rd man. This wasn’t unique (though it did seem to clear the ropes by some distance), but it was a tribute in a way to the original shot of some 70 years earlier.
Our dad, Eric, claimed that the only six he ever hit was over third man. I believe that this took place on the playing fields of Latymer Upper where he was at school. I suppose that this would have been in about 1932. Although we were never given the full details (and I doubt whether even Jack Morgan still has the newspaper cutting) it’s easy to imagine the scene. Latimer 3rd Xl are playing against Shepherd’s Bush Associated Blacksmiths. The Blackies have batted first and set an awesome 200 odd to win in a couple of hours: a tough task for a 3rd Xl. This is compounded as one of their bowlers, probably an Albert or a Harold (why does Steptoe come to mind?), 6’5” and 16 stone, none of your bloody metrics, is steaming in from the DuCane Road End, launching himself off the railings to start a 45 yard run.
At 23 for 6 the boys’ task seems hopeless, when Eric strides to the wicket a confident smile apparently playing round his lips. The first ball he lets go (well, doesn’t see). The second ball he casually uppercuts for six somewhere into what later became the playground of Burlington School. The third ball he doesn’t see. The boys are all out for 29.
The game would have been completely forgotten was it not for that one pioneering shot.
Twenty20 Cup
The Professor sent me this report of Dumberer Cricket
While not quite my idea of first class cricket I have to say I really
enjoyed it. Middlesex v Hampshire at Uxbridge, a lovely day and thousands were in attendance. As you know, I am increasingly in favour of anything that brings young people to cricket and at the interval there were hundreds of impromptu matches on the outfield with dads bowling to their kids. Excellent! The noise and music which people have complained about were much less in evidence than I expected - I think the Uxbridge P.A. system wasn't up to much. Also, it's obvious that slogging doesn't work - you have to play shots from the off but otherwise its just another limited overs game - not unlike the second half of a 50 over match.
Match Report
In 1966 the Lovely Jane Richards, one of the Bush Belles, was the junior sports reporter for the Acton Gazette. At the time only a brief version of her report was published in that paper. Now, for the first time, we are pleased to present her full-unabridged report
On Thursday I toddled along to Ducane Road to witness the annual match between the School and the Staff at St Clement Danes. I wore a halter-top, my new mini skirt and sling back sandals.
I got there nice and early so as not to miss any of the goings on and it’s just as well that I did because at the toss-up it was agreed that the match would be played on a twelve a side basis! Apparently this was because Russ Collins, the Staff captain, had invited Frank Martin, his pal from Mill Hill, to play and nobody wanted to drop out to accommodate him.
The Staff team batted first and I snuggled up next to the scorer, Iain Gibb, who knew all the players’ names and promised to let me copy all of the details out of his scorebook. The Staff made a steady start until Graham Sharp was brought on to bowl and he quickly removed Tony Nicholls, the Swashbuckling Don Palmer and Bob Edmonds. Gordon Spurgeon and Frank Martin put together a useful stand but neither of them could run very fast and Sharp Minor also dismissed them both.
Russ Collins then batted with Harry Richards, who must be the oldest man I have ever seen play cricket! Bill Edmunds came on for a rare bowl and he surprised us all by cleaning up the tail and returning a career best. Nevertheless, I cannot understand why Sharp Major did not use his best bowler, the dreamy Jack Morgan. Iain Gibb said he didn’t know either but I’m not sure he knows that much about cricket.
However, Sharp Major redeemed himself by letting Jack open the batting with cuddly little Roger Kingdon. They made such a cute couple going to the wicket - Jack so tall and debonair, Roger scarcely out of short trousers. They did so well that Russ Collins started to adopt some unfair tactics that I thought was cheating really. He told his fielders to walk slowly to retrieve boundary hits and then when he came on to bowl he used a ridiculous thirty-yard run-up to waste time. Sharp Major got his own back by posting his players round the boundary edge to fetch the balls. Boys are so silly.
Jack played the best innings I have ever seen. I am sure that one day he will become Great. After he got out he let me sit next to him and he said that Sharp Minor was using the Long Handle, but his bat looked the same as everyone else’s to me. When Don Richards came on to bowl his leg-breaks I couldn’t help thinking that he looked like Manfred Mann, but Sharp Major seemed to like them and kept sweeping him to the boundary. I was starting to feel a little chilly and I wished that I had brought my cardigan by the time the School had won, but I soon warmed up at the pub where everyone kept buying me drinks. I have to confess that I didn’t go into work the next day.
STAFF
G Spurgeon c JR Sharp b GJ Sharp 35
A Nicholls c and b GJ Sharp 7
D Palmer c Proctor b GJ Sharp 2
R Edmonds lbw b GJ Sharp 5
F Martin b GJ Sharp 13
R Collins c Fleet b GJ Sharp 29
H Richards b Edmunds 15
R Pooley c JR Sharp b Edmunds 0
D Shepherd lbw b Edmunds 1
D Richards c Barton b Edmunds 6
R Clay not out 4
L Hutchinson lbw b Cozens 0
Extras 19
TOTAL 136 all out
SCHOOL
RF Kingdon st H Richards b Collins 26
JS Morgan c Spurgeon b Collins 30
WJ Edmunds c D Richards b Collins 7
JR Sharp not out 44
GJ Sharp not out 29
Extras 5
TOTAL 140 for 3
Did not bat: Proctor, Coleman, Fleet, Barton, Cozens, Jordan & Bromiley
The Back Gates
Arthur Gates has been ploughing through the back editions of Googlies & Chinamen and was inspired to send me the following anecdotes from his playing days
The three biggest hitters I bowled against were Len Stubbs, Roger Kingdon and Keith Jones. I remember the first two for individual big hits but Keith Jones just hit me everywhere.
I rarely got the chance to excel with the bat but in a cricket week match at Shepherds Bush the captain of the day invited me to open with Jack Morgan and promised me a bottle of gin if I reached fifty. Jack guided me through against some pretty mediocre bowling and after reaching fifty I was promptly stumped. At the pavilion gate I was presented with my bottle as I acknowledged the applause.
In the pre-breathalyser days it was possible to get pissed after just about every match that you played in. However, if Jim Franklin was in attendance it was just about unavoidable. He would engage the younger players in games of Cardinal Puff. Jim himself was the Pope in these exercises and the gullible had to perform a series of actions and accompanying mantras in precise rotation. Each time an error was made his glass had to be emptied. After a couple of failures success became impossible.
I used to bowl 15-20 overs every Saturday and Sunday without warm-ups, warm-downs and gymnastics in the outfield. Maybe that is why I am now riddled with arthritis.
Steve Thompson recalled how I had trapped him with an in-swinger at South Hampstead in the early seventies. He must have been incredibly unlucky in that not only was my delivery straight but also that someone was able to catch it on a Sunday morning.
Finally I would be interested in hearing about any unusual Hat Tricks. Against Chiswick County Grammar School I took one with all the dismissals being LBW. The odd thing was that they were all given by the Chiswick sportsmaster.
Alvin Kallicharan’s Chair
Steve Thompson has been doing some coaching at Hereford Sixth Form College with none other than Alvin Kallicharan. On one occasion Alvin accepted Steve’s invitation to go to his house for tea afterwards. Consequently, when I went to visit the Thompson household in June, Steve allowed me the honour of sitting in the chair where Alvin Kallicharan had sat.
Steve, modestly, didn’t tell me that he had bowled to the great man in his back garden with his wife, Heather, keeping wicket and his three daughters fielding at short leg snapping up the bat-pad chances as Alvin failed to scotch Steve’s zippy spinners.
Strange Elevens
The answers to G&C7’s Strange Elevens was that Dave Bank’s team all went by names other than their first Christian name and the Great Jack Morgan’s had all played first team soccer for London football clubs.
This month’s Jazz Hat bunch is supplied by the Great Jack Morgan, who has selected a side comprising the “best players that I have played with (not against)”, excluding one-offs. I think that most of you will recognize at least some of his team. SBCC-Shepherds Bush; SUCC-Sheffield University.
Bob Crane SBCC & Queensland LHB & OB
Rob Brain SUCC & Gloucs/ Som 2s RHB & OB
Frank Hayes SUCC, Lancs & England RHB &RF
Nige Harper SUCC, Oxon & Warks Colts RHB & RM
Keith Jones SBCC & Middx RHB &RFM
Jeff Salt SUCC & Cheshire RHB & WK
Dave Dollery (Capt) SUCC & Warks Colts RHB & OB
Gary Black SBCC & Bucks RHB & RFM
Roy Cutler SBCC & CUCC RHB & RFM
Ken Maw SUCC & Lincs RHB & SLA
Bob Clapp SUCC & Somerset RHB & RFM
He explains “No Danes make it into my side I’m afraid, but Arthur was very, very close. I had AJG in all the early drafts of the side, but I finally had to overcome my personal dislike for Roy Cutler and admit that his efforts over umpteen seasons amounted to more than Arthur’s two glorious seasons in the mid-sixties”. I challenged Jack on a couple of omissions-he felt that Roger Kingdon was still developing when he was his opening partner in 1966 and that Big Alf Langley only emerged after Jack’s premature retirement in 1974.
Does this tempt anyone else to have a go at a team comprised of the best players they have played with? The first one that includes me will definitely be published.
Irritating trends in modern cricket-number 7 It is now de rigueur when chasing a ball in the outfield to slide alongside it before picking it up. There may be some circumstances, when the ball is near the boundary, when this tactic saves runs. However, when the ball has stopped on its way to the boundary it is extravagantly flamboyant and serves no apparent useful purpose. Indeed, since one cannot throw effectively from a prone position the fielder may actually be conceding an extra run.
I also feel sorry for the player’s mum who has to try and get the green stains out of his trousers.
Earlier Editions
I will be please to email you a copy of the earlier editions of Googlies & Chinamen, if you missed them. I have now bundled 1-7 together and will send to anyone who wants them. You will be able to find out who George and the Professor are, who named him the Great Jack Morgan, all about Tour Madness, avail yourself of the definitive guide to the Duckworth Lewis method and discover other trivia that is essential to your understanding of the modern game. Just send me an email to secure your copies.
If you received this edition through a third party, please send me your email address to ensure that you get on the main mailing list for future editions.
Googlies and Chinamen
is produced by
James Sharp
Broad Lee House
Combs
High Peak
SK23 9XA
Tel: 01298 70237
Email: [email protected]
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 8
August 2003 Bromyard Avenue The extraordinary performances by the South Africans rightly take pride of place this month. However, I still have grave reservations about what the weight of captaincy and, in particular, the press pressure will do to Peg Leg’s form with the bat. The England selectors have a sort of death wish - its years since we had a batsman capable of scoring big hundreds and, maybe, the first time we have one who can score them quickly and they choose to put it all at risk by subjecting him to the poisoned chalice role.
Arthur Gates has sent me some material and he is a most welcome addition to the Googlies community. Arthur was the best schoolboy seamer I ever saw. I played both with and against Mike Selvey at that time but at that stage he was primarily just quick. Arthur bowled just back of a length and could move it both ways off the seam. He never seemed to tire and would often bowl throughout the innings. He was so difficult to get away that many of the games the Professor skippered in 1965 became rather boring, at least whilst we were fielding. After leaving school Arthur grew some extra inches and never achieved the control he previously had. He left Paddington to join the Bush when he left school and has kindly sent me some notes on Paddington CC, which I am hoping will form the basis for an article. If anyone else can help me out I will be most grateful.
Roger Kingdon has never left the Middlesex club scene and didn’t take much finding. My mum had earlier flushed him out and taken a photo of him at Bob Proctor’s Brentham gathering and then when the Great Jack Morgan bumped into him at a Middlesex 2s game at Ealing he signed him up for the postal distribution.
On Saturday 6th September Shepherds Bush have their final league game of the season, although sadly their old pavilion has been demolished and all facilities are provided from portacabins. I shall be meeting the Great Jack Morgan there courtesy of Dave Perrin. Others who might like to join us will be most welcome as long as they behave themselves… The entrance to the ground is now in Bromyard Avenue, not in East Acton Lane as of old.
In this edition we have the first of a new series featuring Match Reports. This gives the author the opportunity to revisit a game and put his own particular spin on proceedings. He may wish to exorcise ghosts, settle old scores, blow his own trumpet, share fond memories or even to re-write history. Please join in this indulgence and send in your own match reports. Since no one has the means to correct you, you can more or less make it up.
The Season-July
The organization of the domestic season is now sadly given over to moneymaking tactics. It started with some good weather in May and there was some excellent county cricket. However, the international season commenced with a ridiculous two-match Test series against the lamentable Zimbabweans and then a pointless three-match one-day series against Pakistan, who had apparently popped into the UK to do some shopping on their way home from somewhere or other. As if this wasn’t enough disruption we then had to endure a ten-match triangular one-day series against Zimbabwe and South Africa. Somewhere in between we had the nonsense of the Twenty20 experiment. At last we can now settle down to the County Championship and some real Test cricket, played in whites.
*
I have been severely reprimanded by the Great jack Morgan for referring to the one-day match as the Sunday Slog, which, as Bob Cozens will confirm, is due to my addiction to alliteration. He tells me that it should properly be referred to as Mickey Mouse Cricket. He is now attempting to obtain consensus of nomenclature for Twenty 20 cricket. The suggestion is that it be referred to as Dumberer Cricket. I have already signed up in support of this.
What is wrong with one-day cricket at the professional level? It eliminates the possibility of the draw, which is an essential part of proper cricket. Incidentally, this is actually very American since none of their sports cater for a draw and they started the golden goal type arrangements since their mentality cannot cope with other than success or failure.
*
Two old friends dropped in at the Edgbaston Day-nighter within minutes of each other. First Freeze Brain paid Peg Leg Vaughan a visit when he shouldered arms to a straight one with five runs required. Then Rikki Clarke became the latest entrant to the Red Mist Hall of Fame when he was bowled trying to hit the ball out of the ground with the scores level. Freeze Brain is a highly contagious virus and both Butcher and Nass succumbed in the Edgbaston test holding their willow aloft.
*
One by-product of all this international cricket in the domestic season is that the players start to spend too much time together and eventually examples of Tour Madness start to emerge. In the shortened day-nighter at Trent Bridge Chris Read, average under ten, emerged at number three ahead of Peg Leg, the World’s top batsman at the time.
*
One bright spot in this dearth of real cricket is Middlesex’ surprising relative success in the top division. It now looks as if they will stay up for next season. They seem to be able to score enough runs, even though Shah must be one of the great under-achievers, and they now need to decide how they plan to bowl out the opposition. Perhaps they missed the boat with Muri.
South Hampstead Sixes
When six a side cricket was launched at South Hampstead as part of the celebrations following the opening of the new pavilion in 1966, Bob Peach led, quite rightly, the strongest six the club could muster, and it duly won the cricket week competition against tough opposition from the likes of Brondesbury, Hornsey and Paddington.
The following year Don Wallis was invited to enter a different side, which to everyone’s surprise performed extremely well, so much so that in the week’s climax it found itself in the final against a full strength Hornsey side, including Roger Pearman, Alan Day and Colin Nash.
Hornsey would use Alan “Daisy” Day as their first bowler, who in this cricket, mesmerized batsmen with his looping leg-spinners and googlies. I watched from the other end as Mike John slogged his first delivery back over his head and into Milverton Road. Daisy was visibly shaken and although we didn’t maintain this momentum throughout, after Mike and I were out, Alan Bruton and Chris Hales scampered loads of twos and threes and we posted a respectable total.
When Hornsey batted, everyone present witnessed the most extraordinary feat they had ever seen in this form of cricket. Dick Boothroyd, who came from up-north and was sharp off six paces, started with a maiden to Roger Pearman, the sometime Middlesex player. This was enough to demoralize the favourites and they never got close to reaching our total.
Wallis, of course, was nauseating and basked in his unexpected triumph. It was, I believe, his first foray into captaincy, but he went on to captain the Sunday First XI through the early seventies when he repeatedly got weak sides to perform above themselves.
Off Spin
Earlier this season I was watching Jeremy Snape bowl and wondered what looked odd about it. I came to the conclusion that he just looked old-fashioned with his classical action. Why was this? It must be because I had spent the winter and spring watching the new breed of funny off-spinners of which the principal exponents are Murilitharan, Saqlain Mushtaq and Harbajhan Singh. These guys have changed the whole face of off spinning by bowling a wrong-un seemingly by using the same action as for the off-spinner. It has become as complicated as batting against a sort of front of the hand Shane Warne, if you see what I mean.
In the Good Old Days, Fred Titmus used to drift away from the right-handers to cause discomfort even if the ball didn’t turn. When it spun as well he could be almost unplayable, but at least the batsman knew what was going on. These new guys don’t need it to turn because the batsman is guessing what will happen anyway. And this goes for the best of them-Harbajhan sorted Hayden out in the World Cup final and Lara was repeatedly beaten by Muri in the recent tests in the Caribbean. The only way they seemingly get runs is by sweeping.
Personally, it looks to me as if these guys throw most of their deliveries, but what do I know and maybe it doesn’t matter at their pace.
O-Level Cricket
Your performance in A-level Sport in the last edition was lamentable. To enable you to redeem your self-esteem, you have the opportunity to take O-Level cricket in this edition. It is presented in the current mode in multiple-choice format.
All Questions must be answered.
Select one answer only for each question.
Thirty minutes is allowed for completion of the examination.
1. Inexplicably you have been appointed Manager of the England cricket team. Do you:
a. Select an all Surrey XI
b. Phone Chelmsford to check on Big Ronnie’s form
c. Cancel all matches until further notice to preserve your unbeaten record
2. You find yourself sitting next to Mike Gatting at Lords. What must you not do:
a. Ask him if he is still in touch with Shakoor Rana
b. Leave your packed lunch unattended when you go for a pee
c. Ask him if his nose still hurts
3. Phil Tufnell phones and asks what you are doing next weekend. Do you:
a. Put the phone down without saying anything
b. Put in a call to your dealer
c. Check on your stock of Alka Seltzer
4. You are offered a lift by Len Stubbs. Do you:
a. Politely decline and take the bus
b. Say that Bob Cozens is already picking you up
c. Make sure there is room for your girlfriend too
5. You find yourself facing Brett Lee with seven required off the last over and only one wicket remaining. Do you:
a. Take a quick single to let the number eleven finish it off.
b. Clutch your back and retire hurt
c. Take off your helmet and shout down the wicket “Pitch it up Laddy”
6. Bangladesh is asked to fill a gap in the fixture list in cricket week at your club. Do you:
a. Only pick third eleven players that day
b. Cancel lunch and make it a half day game
c. Suggest that even the Twenty 20 format will prove too long
7. David Hays asks if he can borrow your bat. Do you:
a. Say sorry it is having a new rubber fitted
b. Say sorry you have only just finished putting linseed oil on it and its still sticky
c. Say “certainly” and pass him someone else’s
8. You are playing for the MCC and the skipper drinks too much port at lunchtime. He puts Steve Thompson on to bowl and asks you to field at silly mid-off. Do you:
a. Resign your life membership immediately
b. Ask for a fire proof door instead of a box
c. Tell him you have to speak to your insurance broker first
9. You are starring in a Quiz night at Shepherds Bush and you are asked if you think the next question will be a trick one. Do you:
a. Phone a friend
b. Admit you don’t have a friend
c. Give thanks that they don’t serve Greene King
10. You receive a bundle of back editions of Googlies & Chinamen from someone reveling in nostalgia and smart arsedness. Do you:
a. Consign them unread to the bin.
b. Display them in pride of place on your coffee table
c. Explain to your wife that you once knew the brother of someone who is mentioned
11. You are invited by a friend to attend a Twenty 20 match. Do you:
a. Say sorry but it conflicts with Coronation Street
b. Say you would rather spend the time in boiling oil
c. Ask whether there will be a Bouncy Castle
12. Don Bick phones you up and asks how you got on in A-Level Sport. Do you:
a. Suggest he seeks sex and travel
b. Ask him why he never bowled a leg break with an off- spinner’s action
c. Ask him what phone network connects to eternity
Long Hit
The Professor thought we might like to hear about this
Since you delight in these sorts of trifles I meant to add
that Uxbridge is the ground on which I hit the ball the furthest I ever
managed. Lest you should think this an idle boast, let me explain. It was
about 6 years ago - end of season friendly. It had been very hot and very
dry and the outfields were like glass. I had been brought in from the 3rds
because of poor availability and when I got there we won the toss, batted
and I was asked to open. They had a couple of briskish young lads, one of whom was decidedly nippy and knew a cheap wicket when he saw one – an old git with no helmet, etc. One past my nose that a combination of experience and cowardice helped me to survive but I decided that I was unlikely to be around long and would have a go at the next thing remotely in my half-which I did. Sharp delivery, flash of the blade and the thinnest of outside edges. Over first slip and to the fence. Only at Uxbridge there isn't a fence straight since there is the third team pitch end-on to the first’s. So the ball carried on. Across their outfield (there was no game on)- over the square - where it seemed to pick up pace - over the next bit of outfield, across its third boundary line and eventually coming to rest in some long grass by the entrance. Must have been about 200 yards, which is further than I can hit a golf ball.
I asked the Professor whether he went on to complete a fifty. Sadly he responded that he got out sedately at the other end a couple of overs later.
Hitting an Eric George explains how Gilchrist, Tendulkar, Sehwag and now Trescothick owe a debt of gratitude to an unexpected source
Shoaib Aktar’s bowling in the one-day test at the Oval was extraordinary for a couple of reasons. This is in addition to the fact that it was pretty thoughtless: he just lost his rag and his line and tried to bowl faster and faster.
The first was that he conceded 4 byes that went over the boundary first bounce. I don’t think I’ve seen that before. The second was that Trescothick hit ‘an Eric’: an uppercut six over 3rd man. This wasn’t unique (though it did seem to clear the ropes by some distance), but it was a tribute in a way to the original shot of some 70 years earlier.
Our dad, Eric, claimed that the only six he ever hit was over third man. I believe that this took place on the playing fields of Latymer Upper where he was at school. I suppose that this would have been in about 1932. Although we were never given the full details (and I doubt whether even Jack Morgan still has the newspaper cutting) it’s easy to imagine the scene. Latimer 3rd Xl are playing against Shepherd’s Bush Associated Blacksmiths. The Blackies have batted first and set an awesome 200 odd to win in a couple of hours: a tough task for a 3rd Xl. This is compounded as one of their bowlers, probably an Albert or a Harold (why does Steptoe come to mind?), 6’5” and 16 stone, none of your bloody metrics, is steaming in from the DuCane Road End, launching himself off the railings to start a 45 yard run.
At 23 for 6 the boys’ task seems hopeless, when Eric strides to the wicket a confident smile apparently playing round his lips. The first ball he lets go (well, doesn’t see). The second ball he casually uppercuts for six somewhere into what later became the playground of Burlington School. The third ball he doesn’t see. The boys are all out for 29.
The game would have been completely forgotten was it not for that one pioneering shot.
Twenty20 Cup
The Professor sent me this report of Dumberer Cricket
While not quite my idea of first class cricket I have to say I really
enjoyed it. Middlesex v Hampshire at Uxbridge, a lovely day and thousands were in attendance. As you know, I am increasingly in favour of anything that brings young people to cricket and at the interval there were hundreds of impromptu matches on the outfield with dads bowling to their kids. Excellent! The noise and music which people have complained about were much less in evidence than I expected - I think the Uxbridge P.A. system wasn't up to much. Also, it's obvious that slogging doesn't work - you have to play shots from the off but otherwise its just another limited overs game - not unlike the second half of a 50 over match.
Match Report
In 1966 the Lovely Jane Richards, one of the Bush Belles, was the junior sports reporter for the Acton Gazette. At the time only a brief version of her report was published in that paper. Now, for the first time, we are pleased to present her full-unabridged report
On Thursday I toddled along to Ducane Road to witness the annual match between the School and the Staff at St Clement Danes. I wore a halter-top, my new mini skirt and sling back sandals.
I got there nice and early so as not to miss any of the goings on and it’s just as well that I did because at the toss-up it was agreed that the match would be played on a twelve a side basis! Apparently this was because Russ Collins, the Staff captain, had invited Frank Martin, his pal from Mill Hill, to play and nobody wanted to drop out to accommodate him.
The Staff team batted first and I snuggled up next to the scorer, Iain Gibb, who knew all the players’ names and promised to let me copy all of the details out of his scorebook. The Staff made a steady start until Graham Sharp was brought on to bowl and he quickly removed Tony Nicholls, the Swashbuckling Don Palmer and Bob Edmonds. Gordon Spurgeon and Frank Martin put together a useful stand but neither of them could run very fast and Sharp Minor also dismissed them both.
Russ Collins then batted with Harry Richards, who must be the oldest man I have ever seen play cricket! Bill Edmunds came on for a rare bowl and he surprised us all by cleaning up the tail and returning a career best. Nevertheless, I cannot understand why Sharp Major did not use his best bowler, the dreamy Jack Morgan. Iain Gibb said he didn’t know either but I’m not sure he knows that much about cricket.
However, Sharp Major redeemed himself by letting Jack open the batting with cuddly little Roger Kingdon. They made such a cute couple going to the wicket - Jack so tall and debonair, Roger scarcely out of short trousers. They did so well that Russ Collins started to adopt some unfair tactics that I thought was cheating really. He told his fielders to walk slowly to retrieve boundary hits and then when he came on to bowl he used a ridiculous thirty-yard run-up to waste time. Sharp Major got his own back by posting his players round the boundary edge to fetch the balls. Boys are so silly.
Jack played the best innings I have ever seen. I am sure that one day he will become Great. After he got out he let me sit next to him and he said that Sharp Minor was using the Long Handle, but his bat looked the same as everyone else’s to me. When Don Richards came on to bowl his leg-breaks I couldn’t help thinking that he looked like Manfred Mann, but Sharp Major seemed to like them and kept sweeping him to the boundary. I was starting to feel a little chilly and I wished that I had brought my cardigan by the time the School had won, but I soon warmed up at the pub where everyone kept buying me drinks. I have to confess that I didn’t go into work the next day.
STAFF
G Spurgeon c JR Sharp b GJ Sharp 35
A Nicholls c and b GJ Sharp 7
D Palmer c Proctor b GJ Sharp 2
R Edmonds lbw b GJ Sharp 5
F Martin b GJ Sharp 13
R Collins c Fleet b GJ Sharp 29
H Richards b Edmunds 15
R Pooley c JR Sharp b Edmunds 0
D Shepherd lbw b Edmunds 1
D Richards c Barton b Edmunds 6
R Clay not out 4
L Hutchinson lbw b Cozens 0
Extras 19
TOTAL 136 all out
SCHOOL
RF Kingdon st H Richards b Collins 26
JS Morgan c Spurgeon b Collins 30
WJ Edmunds c D Richards b Collins 7
JR Sharp not out 44
GJ Sharp not out 29
Extras 5
TOTAL 140 for 3
Did not bat: Proctor, Coleman, Fleet, Barton, Cozens, Jordan & Bromiley
The Back Gates
Arthur Gates has been ploughing through the back editions of Googlies & Chinamen and was inspired to send me the following anecdotes from his playing days
The three biggest hitters I bowled against were Len Stubbs, Roger Kingdon and Keith Jones. I remember the first two for individual big hits but Keith Jones just hit me everywhere.
I rarely got the chance to excel with the bat but in a cricket week match at Shepherds Bush the captain of the day invited me to open with Jack Morgan and promised me a bottle of gin if I reached fifty. Jack guided me through against some pretty mediocre bowling and after reaching fifty I was promptly stumped. At the pavilion gate I was presented with my bottle as I acknowledged the applause.
In the pre-breathalyser days it was possible to get pissed after just about every match that you played in. However, if Jim Franklin was in attendance it was just about unavoidable. He would engage the younger players in games of Cardinal Puff. Jim himself was the Pope in these exercises and the gullible had to perform a series of actions and accompanying mantras in precise rotation. Each time an error was made his glass had to be emptied. After a couple of failures success became impossible.
I used to bowl 15-20 overs every Saturday and Sunday without warm-ups, warm-downs and gymnastics in the outfield. Maybe that is why I am now riddled with arthritis.
Steve Thompson recalled how I had trapped him with an in-swinger at South Hampstead in the early seventies. He must have been incredibly unlucky in that not only was my delivery straight but also that someone was able to catch it on a Sunday morning.
Finally I would be interested in hearing about any unusual Hat Tricks. Against Chiswick County Grammar School I took one with all the dismissals being LBW. The odd thing was that they were all given by the Chiswick sportsmaster.
Alvin Kallicharan’s Chair
Steve Thompson has been doing some coaching at Hereford Sixth Form College with none other than Alvin Kallicharan. On one occasion Alvin accepted Steve’s invitation to go to his house for tea afterwards. Consequently, when I went to visit the Thompson household in June, Steve allowed me the honour of sitting in the chair where Alvin Kallicharan had sat.
Steve, modestly, didn’t tell me that he had bowled to the great man in his back garden with his wife, Heather, keeping wicket and his three daughters fielding at short leg snapping up the bat-pad chances as Alvin failed to scotch Steve’s zippy spinners.
Strange Elevens
The answers to G&C7’s Strange Elevens was that Dave Bank’s team all went by names other than their first Christian name and the Great Jack Morgan’s had all played first team soccer for London football clubs.
This month’s Jazz Hat bunch is supplied by the Great Jack Morgan, who has selected a side comprising the “best players that I have played with (not against)”, excluding one-offs. I think that most of you will recognize at least some of his team. SBCC-Shepherds Bush; SUCC-Sheffield University.
Bob Crane SBCC & Queensland LHB & OB
Rob Brain SUCC & Gloucs/ Som 2s RHB & OB
Frank Hayes SUCC, Lancs & England RHB &RF
Nige Harper SUCC, Oxon & Warks Colts RHB & RM
Keith Jones SBCC & Middx RHB &RFM
Jeff Salt SUCC & Cheshire RHB & WK
Dave Dollery (Capt) SUCC & Warks Colts RHB & OB
Gary Black SBCC & Bucks RHB & RFM
Roy Cutler SBCC & CUCC RHB & RFM
Ken Maw SUCC & Lincs RHB & SLA
Bob Clapp SUCC & Somerset RHB & RFM
He explains “No Danes make it into my side I’m afraid, but Arthur was very, very close. I had AJG in all the early drafts of the side, but I finally had to overcome my personal dislike for Roy Cutler and admit that his efforts over umpteen seasons amounted to more than Arthur’s two glorious seasons in the mid-sixties”. I challenged Jack on a couple of omissions-he felt that Roger Kingdon was still developing when he was his opening partner in 1966 and that Big Alf Langley only emerged after Jack’s premature retirement in 1974.
Does this tempt anyone else to have a go at a team comprised of the best players they have played with? The first one that includes me will definitely be published.
Irritating trends in modern cricket-number 7 It is now de rigueur when chasing a ball in the outfield to slide alongside it before picking it up. There may be some circumstances, when the ball is near the boundary, when this tactic saves runs. However, when the ball has stopped on its way to the boundary it is extravagantly flamboyant and serves no apparent useful purpose. Indeed, since one cannot throw effectively from a prone position the fielder may actually be conceding an extra run.
I also feel sorry for the player’s mum who has to try and get the green stains out of his trousers.
Earlier Editions
I will be please to email you a copy of the earlier editions of Googlies & Chinamen, if you missed them. I have now bundled 1-7 together and will send to anyone who wants them. You will be able to find out who George and the Professor are, who named him the Great Jack Morgan, all about Tour Madness, avail yourself of the definitive guide to the Duckworth Lewis method and discover other trivia that is essential to your understanding of the modern game. Just send me an email to secure your copies.
If you received this edition through a third party, please send me your email address to ensure that you get on the main mailing list for future editions.
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