GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 111
March 2012
Out and About with the Professor
In order to give us first hand reports of matters in the Middle East the Professor selflessly left the comforts of his sofa in Harrogate
What can one make of the Test series with Pakistan? I was there but I still don't really understand it. Obviously England were underprepared for the first Test - but how can that be when they have seemingly dozens of staff whose very job it is to get them prepared? I watched that on TV but what of the two games that I watched from the stands?
Well, there were times, indeed a lot of the time, when England were ahead. When Cook and Trott were together in the second Test, for instance, or when Broad bowled so well and then batted so well to give us a moderate but worthwhile first innings lead. Panesar's wickets and the target of only 145 to win the match. In the final Test, dismissing them for 99 in the first innings and even, on the last day, looking as if a wildly improbable target might be achieved. But, every time that happened, a wicket fell or something happened to peg them back. If you only read the reports or watched the "highlights" you would get very little idea of how close it felt at times and how the game ebbed and flowed.
But how do you explain the low scores? Under 250 for 20 wickets in the first two innings of the final Test, over 600 for the second twenty. It was not the pitch. It did not change. Indeed at both venues the pitches were fine. They had grass on them - but don't think of English seamers - this grass was bone dry and simply meant that the surface held together and changed very little during the match. I sat right behind the bowler's arm in both Tests and watched almost every ball. There was virtually no swing and only a little seam movement for Broad; there was some, and he got bounce, but he is tall and pretty quick and a top class international bowler. Similarly, there was no great spin. OK, it spun out of the footmarks for the left-handers but that's their fault for being left handed, but it never jumped and spat...no one was batting " on a minefield". So how were we all out for 72 and Pakistan all out for 99?
God knows.
In the post- match interviews Strauss said (and I think public execution should now be the punishment for anyone who uses the phrase) that the team had "learned some lessons". Atherton, not unreasonably, asked him: "What lessons?". Strauss said that they must bat better. Well, well. I think that confuses the word lesson with the phrase "the bleeding obvious". How might they effect the required improvement?...is what we want to know.
My couple of suggestions are: eschew this bizarre attachment to playing back to spinners - especially spinners of this class and this pace. Rehman's quicker ball was clocked at over 100kph. I suggest that playing back to a 100k half volley which spins a little might not be a very good survival strategy...and so it has proved.
The cause on the last day would also have been helped if a number of players had batted more sensibly. No one in the crowd gave England the slightest hope of getting the runs but 280 with all last innings wickets in hand, on a Day 4 pitch, would have been possible with some luck ( which they had) and some application, which they didn't. What, for example, could be made of Trott's effort? The situation was tailor-made for him. Grind it out, bat all day, see what happens. What did he do? He watched the leg side fielder be sent deeper and then stuck it down his throat. Broad did a similar thing off the very first ball with the new ball. Bell's effort was hopeless - he looks shot and scared to death - and Morgan looks utterly clueless...he charged Gul and snicked behind. Why? Why not stay home and play an innings? There was a day and a half left to bat. At least Cook and Pietersen were got out by the bowlers.
I never dreamt they had a chance of winning but if just one of these had played properly they would have got very near. Why didn't they? They are not callow youths who might have a " rush of blood" they are seasoned professions. Like I said...I don't understand it.
The other thing of note was Misbah's captaincy. It is, of course, easy to captain a team with top-notch bowlers but he used them perfectly. In effect he just stopped England scoring and then backed his bowlers to do the rest. Rehman's leg side field to our six left handers was a case in point. Misbah had two short legs, behind and in front, a man (himself) straighter on the one, and three on the fence. Thus, you couldn't just prop forward (the short legs), a solid push straighter gets no runs and so the only way to score to leg is to play a full bloodied shot...and then you only get a single. By contrast the off side is wide open...drive against the spin if you dare. He is not a great bat Misbah, (although Younis is) but he is clearly a thinker...and he has out thought England.
I met all manner of folk on the terraces including all the core members of the Barmy Army: Paul who founded it, Bill the Trumpet and big Graham (the one who "sings" falsetto), et al. One (non-BA) chap whom I thought might be of interest to Googlies readers is the man who Chairs the Maidstone CC development group. I played there a couple of times in the 1980s and I guess a fair number of Googlies readers will know The Mote. Well the problem is that the old pavilion is falling down. The top floor is condemned and the famous Tabernacle is also in a sorry state. A rebuild is the solution and Maidstone are trying to sell some land for housing to find the couple of million they need. I recommended the Harrogate CC approach to this where the old pavilion was burned down (residents reported seeing three men running from the scene but the Chairman, Treasurer and Secretary all had adamantine alibis) and a new modern pavilion had taken it's place. His response was that since they hadn't had a fire at Maidstone, there was no insurance money. However, should planning permission not be forthcoming...
And then I received this
I confess to being a little confused. Before I left for the UAE I was clear in my mind that England were rated the best Test side in the world, and one of the worst at the 50-over ODI version. Being English and having watched our lads play for more than half a century, I didn't quite believe the first bit...but there it was on the websites...so it must be true. So, off I go to the desert and watch the most abject Test match performances you could hope to see by the No.1 side and then, when I get home, the ODI no-hopers start to play like the No.1 team and thrash the opposition 4-0What, in short, is going on?
Perhaps its my fault. Perhaps if I had stayed for the one-dayers they would have collapsed four more times. But what I have seen on TV is a side that failed to get 200 in four test innings out of six, breeze past that mark in each of the one day matches. OK there were some changes in batting personnel - Bopara replacing Bell being the most obviously significant - and the Pakistan team showed slight modifications - but in essence it was the same players, on the same grounds, generating a set of obverse results. How is this to be explained?
I sat there for the best part of two weeks and watched Cook poke about , Pietersen miss off-breaks, Ajmal frighten everyone to death...how come it has all changed? I suppose Trott and Morgan have been more consistent but even Morgan looked as if he had a rough idea of what he was supposed to be doing in the third ODI, and he didn't have a clue in the Tests.
It is very puzzling. I read that some of the Pakistan team are homesick. Is that it? They are, obviously, like many other Pakistanis in the UAE, itinerant workers. That cannot be easy. But did they become homesick between the end of the third Test and the start of the first ODI? It was only a few days. I barely had time to get home, unpack, buy half-a-dozen jumpers to take on the Yorkshire winter and tune in the TV. It is all very odd. Perhaps some Googlies readers who weren't there can explain it all to me. Since we are supposed to be quite good at 20/20 I predict a return to abject failure.
Bird Matters
Unlike the Professor Eric Stephens is a proper Yorkshireman. He sent me this
On November 26th Dickie Bird travelled to Keighley to open a pub named after him. The pub is closely associated with Long Lee Cricket Club and it was this connection which caused the new pub owners (Mood Pubs) to approach Dickie to name it after him.
The whole cricket team attended and Dickie spent time talking to as many of them as possible, together with others from the large turn-out. He also posed for photographs, with any donation given to The Dickie Bird Foundation, a national charity founded by Dickie in 2004 which helps under-privileged children to play sport.
Possibly the highlight of the day was the arrival of the Cricket Club President, Arthur Bailey, who has just passed his 100th birthday. Arthur has been a club member since 1935. He is now its Honorary President and is still very active. He sat chatting with Dickie for half-an-hour and achieved the distinction of doing much of the talking! Dickie particularly liked Arthur’s reference of cricket ‘before your time’.
The opening was intended to be finished by 4.00pm, but it was rather later when Dickie finally got round to cutting the cake to mark the official opening. At around 6.00pm he got in the car and remarked that he is not as young as he used to be. But after nearly 5 hours of non-stop socialising he left feeling it had all been very enjoyable and worthwhile.
Dickie has been invited back as guest to one of Long Lee’s home fixtures this season and, ‘in recognition of his remarkable achievements’, the pub intends to hold a function to toast Dickie’s OBE.
Slow Bowlers
Its not so long ago that we were all writing off slow bowlers as being an anachronism in the modern game. First covered pitches led to surfaces that were not conducive to spin bowling and then the new style unpressed willow bats meant that they were slogged even further into the blue beyond. As if that wasn’t enough boundaries started to creep in and be positively shortened for various forms of the one day game. This meant that it became commonplace for mis-hits to go the full way for a six (I can’t bring myself to say or even type maximum).
A few spinners countered these trends by convincing the authorities to legitimise throwing so that they could bowl an apparently orthodox finger spinner that in fact turned the other way. Murali led this with his doosra now thrown by other exponents as well. You will recall that the umpire now has to judge from square leg whether the off spinner is bending his arm by more than fifteen degrees in order to assess whether his doosra delivery is fair or not.
But change as always is around the most unexpected corner and the advent of Hawkeye meant that for the first time we could all see retrospectively where a ball that hit the pads would have ended up if it had carried on its trajectory uninterrupted. Some umpires became intrigued by this and in particular Alim Daar decided that it shed light and removed much of the old uncertainty about decision making.
Back in the last century I grew up watching Ken Barrington play off spinners exclusively with his left pad. Think of his contests with the Australian Tom Vievers. Nowadays if Alim Daar was officiating instead of Sid Buller he wouldn’t last an over before the diminutive Sri Lankan sent him on his way. Soon umpires all over the world (its actually a small band who are on permanent tour) were responding to bowlers’ appeals when the ball struck the front pad.
Suddenly batsmen had to review their technique and they could no longer just thrust their front leg down the pitch and let their pad do the rest. Some may say that this was a welcome development as it restored some of the parity between bat and ball. However, a new innovation, the DRS system, has turned the screw a few more rounds in favour of the bowler. In this scenario when the umpire turns down an appeal the fielding side have the option to get the third umpires opinion. Unless the ball is just grazing the stumps the on field decision can and often is overturned in favour of the bowler if all four criteria are met- the delivery is not a no ball, the ball pitched in line or outside the off stump, the ball hit the pad first and it would have gone on to hit the stumps.
So now batsmen who have become used to bossing slow bowlers particularly by hitting across the line with their leg thrust forward are having to rethink their game or rather they need to. In the recent test series in the Middle East the English batsmen constantly were dismissed by thrashing across the line at Ajmaal and Rehman. Record numbers of LBWs were recorded in these games and it will clearly be a feature of the game going forward until the batsmen find new ploys to counter the technology which is giving them so much trouble at the present.
It could of course get even worse for batsmen in the short term if fielding captains in ODIs had the courage to set the same fields for their spinners as they do in the test matches. It is highly unlikely that England would have won the series 4-0 if Misbah had had the courage to adopt such tactics.
Lexicon Matters
The cricketing lexicon continues to grow and a few definitions and explanations might help you to understand them:
“We will concentrate on putting the ball in the right areas”. This means that we must stop bowling long hops, full tosses and other miscellaneous rinse.
“We can take some positives from this result”. This means that despite being thrashed by inferior opposition we can still pop down the bank and deposit our very generous pay cheques.
“We can learn lessons from this match”. This means that despite playing appallingly we will continue to play exactly the same way in the next match.
“Nevertheless we were very impressive in the field in this match”. This means that despite batting and bowling to no effect we threw ourselves around and made ridiculous despairing dives in the outfield risking serious injury and still lost by an innings and plenty.
“The atmosphere in the Dressing Room is much better”. This means that nobody gives a toss about the result any more and everyone keeps themselves to themselves listening on headphones to their ipods whilst frantically typing onto their twitter accounts.
Burke Matters
Peter Burke (aka Sammy) sent me the following
As an avid reader of your esteemed publication may I be permitted to comment on a couple of subjects and in particular the last 'Steve Wright Matters'?
My ex-captain admits he only has a 'dim recollection' of the 1970 season(sad for someone so young!),but I am able to fill your readers with the detail on Big Ron's 100th wicket! Ron reached 99 very early in September, had a couple of barren weekends, took a weekend off because of newspaper work and so arrived at the fag end of September 'one short'. On the last weekend we picked up a gash fixture against Harrow Town, who played on an unprepossessing ground just behind the Odeon Rayners Lane , if I remember correctly. Early on in their innings Ron fired in a short one which the batsmen inadvisably tried to hook. It lolloped off the splice towards wide mid on where I was prowling with cat like intent - I raced forward, flung myself full length and caught the ball inches from the turf, much to the relief of Big Ron and the general amazement and merriment of the Bush team! Why you may ask? Well I have to admit to a catching percentage success rate of somewhere in the low teens, due in no part to the sun always being in my eyes, long bootlaces, a dodgy knee and general lack of ability! It is said West London bookmakers offered 7/4 on the ball whilst it was in the air on the aforementioned occasion!
I am mortified young Steve cannot remember, but I had confirmation a couple of years ago from none other than Big Ron himself years ago when I met him at the MCG during the Australia/ Pakistan 2009 test. Whilst we were reminiscing over old times and catches to be remembered, we only saw three dropped Pakistani catches, a missed stumping and a cocked up run out attempt - but didn't think at the time there was anything untoward happening! Now we know! He also remembered the Hornsey game and the vast amount of Fremlins Ordinary regularly consumed by the ten batchelors in the Bush 1st eleven. (A test for the Bush memory cells - who was the married one?) He sent his regards to all the old Bush mates and his 100 victims!
A few names from the past, who I met last week at a funeral of an old non playing Bush member. Chris Langhorne, a fine all round cricketer, who looks exactly the same, except for about four grey hairs, as he did 48 years ago when he played for the GB Olympic Hockey team!; Ken Bruton, looking retired, large and prosperous; Terry Wood, looking tanned and prosperous having just sold his successful car parts business; And a couple of Old Danes of late fifties vintage, Andrew Richmond and Melvyn Bixley, brother of Ray and Brian.
A couple of comments to end up with if I may. I seem to remember there was discussion sometime ago about all rounders, but may have missed Keith Jones name being mentioned. He was the best I played with - could destroy any opening attack and was genuinely quick when annoyed, as I witnessed when he took a dislike to a Slough Bucks Minor County player, giving him a real working over accompanied by a few choice verbals! I'm still wincing!
Lord Ray may pleased to know Geoff Cleaver and myself, watching the last day of the 2005 Oval Ashes test when Pietersen got 158, dismissed him as a 'slogger' who would never make a real test cricketer! 8,000 test runs later the jury may still be out and My Noble Lord could have a case!
Your publication lightens up the cold winter months, from the erudite essays of the Prof to the sonorous ramblings of the Great Jack Morgan holding forth on the excitement of Middlesex 2's playing Derbyshire 2's at some dingy recreation ground in the far north! His scribing puts 'watching paint dry' under a great deal of pressure! And finally I particularly like the occasional anatomical colour photographs at the end of the newsletter, which raise the blood pressure and brings that nice nurse round with my pills! Here she comes now!
Statistical Matters
The Professor clearly had a grueling time in the Middle East
You will be pleased to know that the debate has moved on. The largest number of dismissals without the intervention of a fielder...29 or 30? In the match, 29 were LBW or bowled. But Cook was caught and bowled. Does this count as fielder "intervention"? That is, when Ajmal released the ball did his status instantly change from bowler to fielder in the two seconds it took Cook to hit it back at him. God help us. I'm an economist...get me out of here.
All these cricket statisticians are, by the way, nothing of the kind- they just collect data. Statistics involves sampling and statistical technique to draw inferences about a population. They don't do that...they just do these strange things instead.
Psycho Umpires Matters
I received the following alarming story via Ken James and Bob Peach
A cricket umpire killed a teenage spectator in Bangladesh by hitting him on the head with a bat in a dispute over a contested decision, police said Sunday. Nazrul Islam, 15, ran onto the pitch during an amateur game in the remote northern district of Kishoreganj and started an argument with the umpire, who took one of the players’ bats and hit the teenager. Islam showed no serious injury from the blow during the game on Friday but suffered an internal haemorrhage overnight and died in hospital the following day, local police chief Mosharraf Hossain told AFP. “The two argued over a not-out decision by the umpire. He accused the umpire of bias. At one stage, the umpire became angry, took a bat and hit the young boy on the head,” Hossain said. The umpire was being sought for questioning but had gone into hiding, he added.
Second XI Matters
The Great Jack Morgan provides another of his winter fillers
On paper, the Surrey team for the Second XI Trophy match against Kent at Cheam looked much stronger than Kent’s young side, but things soon went wrong for the home team as 18 year old Benedict Kemp (3 for 25) and TJ Miles, who played for Surrey against Middx at Guildford last week (2 for 13) had Schofield, Harinath, Spriegel, Wilson and Burns back in the hutch with only 35 on the board. James Crowson (22*) tried to lead a recovery, but 19 year old Ivan Thomas (4 for 14 overall) produced a remarkable burst of 4 for 0 to finish off the innings for only 76 in the 21st over. Keeper Sam Billings picked up 5 victims behind the sticks. Kent lost Billings with the score on 37 and Fabian Cowdrey (son of Chris) on 66, but left handed opener S Fuaad (32*) steered the visitors to an overwhelming victory by eight wickets in the twelfth over after only two and a half hours, shorter than an U-12s match! Ex-Middx man Kabir Toor, presumably on trial, turned out for Kent, but was not required to bat or bowl.
Red Mist Matters
South Africa's Richard Levi hit the fastest Twenty20 international century as the Proteas beat New Zealand by eight wickets in Hamilton. Levi reached three figures off just 45 balls, which included a record 13 sixes. In just his second international match, the 24-year-old opener made an unbeaten 117 from 67 balls. Levi now tops the list of the highest individual score recorded in a Twenty20 international. Levi got his first 50 from 25 balls, and took just 20 more balls to reach his ton. His remarkable feat ensured South Africa eased to the 174-run target to level the three-game series heading into the deciding match on Wednesday.
Coleman Matters
The Great Jack Morgan spotted Jeff Coleman in the MCCC Annual Review
I am going to demonstrate much restraint and refrain from making a series of inappropriate comments. Suffice it say that Middlesex should be proud of their continued support of this critical charity.
The Great Jack Morgan Matters
The Great Jack Morgan sent me the following
Great news that the Durham MCCU game has been switched from Durham to Merchant Taylor's School at Northwood. This is not a new ground for me of course, but it is a new first class ground and it might even allow me to see fc cricket in March (previously only witnessed in NZ).
It was great to see Eng going for the famous three-keepers strategy in the T20, wasn't it? Unfortunately, it did not work on this occasion: do you think bringing in a fourth keeper would help?
It looks as if the MCC v Champion County has lost its last hints of being something of a Test trial as, with two exceptions (Moeen Ali and Lewis Gregory), M Ramprakash is leading a bunch of veterans against Lancashire this year. I suppose that, with plenty of warm up matches being held over here around that time, most players feel they would be better off practising here rather than jetting off to the Middle East to play in non-English conditions with a pink ball!
Overson Matters
Chris Overson, who describes himself as an anorak friend of Keith Walmsley, enjoyed my report on the 2011 old Danes Gathering
Thanks very much. A great read. The photo' of Hugh Lindsay was brilliant. What a footballer. I was at an FA Cup 3rd qualifying round match Wealdstone v Stevenage in October 1965 which we (Wealdstone) eventually won 6-5. We were 3-5 down with 10 minutes to go and then HL scored a hat-trick. He was a useful cricketer too. I played against him once or twice when he played for Kenton (I think it was).
Peter Ray
I heard the sad news last week that Peter Ray had died following a long fight against Emphysema. I will welcome any recollections and anecdotes about him for inclusion in next month’s edition.
Old Danes Gathering 2012
The 2012 Old Danes Gathering will be held on Friday 27 July. Once again Shepherds Bush CC have kindly agreed to host this event. The Gathering will take place between 2pm and 8pm and we hope to see as many Old Danes as can make it. Even if you can only pop in for an hour you will be warmly greeted and made to feel welcome. There will be a bar and food available throughout.
Please let me know whether you plan to attend and I will circulate a list regularly between now and the event.
Molloy Matters
Ken Molloy sent me this
This is my neighbour:
She's single. She lives right across the street. I can see her house from my living room. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway. She knocked on my door. I rushed to open it.
She looked at me and said, "I just got home, and I am so horny! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and make love all night long! Are you busy tonight?" I immediately replied, "Nope. I'm free... I have no plans at all!" Then she said, "Good! In that case, could you watch my dog?"
Googlies and Chinamen
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An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 111
March 2012
Out and About with the Professor
In order to give us first hand reports of matters in the Middle East the Professor selflessly left the comforts of his sofa in Harrogate
What can one make of the Test series with Pakistan? I was there but I still don't really understand it. Obviously England were underprepared for the first Test - but how can that be when they have seemingly dozens of staff whose very job it is to get them prepared? I watched that on TV but what of the two games that I watched from the stands?
Well, there were times, indeed a lot of the time, when England were ahead. When Cook and Trott were together in the second Test, for instance, or when Broad bowled so well and then batted so well to give us a moderate but worthwhile first innings lead. Panesar's wickets and the target of only 145 to win the match. In the final Test, dismissing them for 99 in the first innings and even, on the last day, looking as if a wildly improbable target might be achieved. But, every time that happened, a wicket fell or something happened to peg them back. If you only read the reports or watched the "highlights" you would get very little idea of how close it felt at times and how the game ebbed and flowed.
But how do you explain the low scores? Under 250 for 20 wickets in the first two innings of the final Test, over 600 for the second twenty. It was not the pitch. It did not change. Indeed at both venues the pitches were fine. They had grass on them - but don't think of English seamers - this grass was bone dry and simply meant that the surface held together and changed very little during the match. I sat right behind the bowler's arm in both Tests and watched almost every ball. There was virtually no swing and only a little seam movement for Broad; there was some, and he got bounce, but he is tall and pretty quick and a top class international bowler. Similarly, there was no great spin. OK, it spun out of the footmarks for the left-handers but that's their fault for being left handed, but it never jumped and spat...no one was batting " on a minefield". So how were we all out for 72 and Pakistan all out for 99?
God knows.
In the post- match interviews Strauss said (and I think public execution should now be the punishment for anyone who uses the phrase) that the team had "learned some lessons". Atherton, not unreasonably, asked him: "What lessons?". Strauss said that they must bat better. Well, well. I think that confuses the word lesson with the phrase "the bleeding obvious". How might they effect the required improvement?...is what we want to know.
My couple of suggestions are: eschew this bizarre attachment to playing back to spinners - especially spinners of this class and this pace. Rehman's quicker ball was clocked at over 100kph. I suggest that playing back to a 100k half volley which spins a little might not be a very good survival strategy...and so it has proved.
The cause on the last day would also have been helped if a number of players had batted more sensibly. No one in the crowd gave England the slightest hope of getting the runs but 280 with all last innings wickets in hand, on a Day 4 pitch, would have been possible with some luck ( which they had) and some application, which they didn't. What, for example, could be made of Trott's effort? The situation was tailor-made for him. Grind it out, bat all day, see what happens. What did he do? He watched the leg side fielder be sent deeper and then stuck it down his throat. Broad did a similar thing off the very first ball with the new ball. Bell's effort was hopeless - he looks shot and scared to death - and Morgan looks utterly clueless...he charged Gul and snicked behind. Why? Why not stay home and play an innings? There was a day and a half left to bat. At least Cook and Pietersen were got out by the bowlers.
I never dreamt they had a chance of winning but if just one of these had played properly they would have got very near. Why didn't they? They are not callow youths who might have a " rush of blood" they are seasoned professions. Like I said...I don't understand it.
The other thing of note was Misbah's captaincy. It is, of course, easy to captain a team with top-notch bowlers but he used them perfectly. In effect he just stopped England scoring and then backed his bowlers to do the rest. Rehman's leg side field to our six left handers was a case in point. Misbah had two short legs, behind and in front, a man (himself) straighter on the one, and three on the fence. Thus, you couldn't just prop forward (the short legs), a solid push straighter gets no runs and so the only way to score to leg is to play a full bloodied shot...and then you only get a single. By contrast the off side is wide open...drive against the spin if you dare. He is not a great bat Misbah, (although Younis is) but he is clearly a thinker...and he has out thought England.
I met all manner of folk on the terraces including all the core members of the Barmy Army: Paul who founded it, Bill the Trumpet and big Graham (the one who "sings" falsetto), et al. One (non-BA) chap whom I thought might be of interest to Googlies readers is the man who Chairs the Maidstone CC development group. I played there a couple of times in the 1980s and I guess a fair number of Googlies readers will know The Mote. Well the problem is that the old pavilion is falling down. The top floor is condemned and the famous Tabernacle is also in a sorry state. A rebuild is the solution and Maidstone are trying to sell some land for housing to find the couple of million they need. I recommended the Harrogate CC approach to this where the old pavilion was burned down (residents reported seeing three men running from the scene but the Chairman, Treasurer and Secretary all had adamantine alibis) and a new modern pavilion had taken it's place. His response was that since they hadn't had a fire at Maidstone, there was no insurance money. However, should planning permission not be forthcoming...
And then I received this
I confess to being a little confused. Before I left for the UAE I was clear in my mind that England were rated the best Test side in the world, and one of the worst at the 50-over ODI version. Being English and having watched our lads play for more than half a century, I didn't quite believe the first bit...but there it was on the websites...so it must be true. So, off I go to the desert and watch the most abject Test match performances you could hope to see by the No.1 side and then, when I get home, the ODI no-hopers start to play like the No.1 team and thrash the opposition 4-0What, in short, is going on?
Perhaps its my fault. Perhaps if I had stayed for the one-dayers they would have collapsed four more times. But what I have seen on TV is a side that failed to get 200 in four test innings out of six, breeze past that mark in each of the one day matches. OK there were some changes in batting personnel - Bopara replacing Bell being the most obviously significant - and the Pakistan team showed slight modifications - but in essence it was the same players, on the same grounds, generating a set of obverse results. How is this to be explained?
I sat there for the best part of two weeks and watched Cook poke about , Pietersen miss off-breaks, Ajmal frighten everyone to death...how come it has all changed? I suppose Trott and Morgan have been more consistent but even Morgan looked as if he had a rough idea of what he was supposed to be doing in the third ODI, and he didn't have a clue in the Tests.
It is very puzzling. I read that some of the Pakistan team are homesick. Is that it? They are, obviously, like many other Pakistanis in the UAE, itinerant workers. That cannot be easy. But did they become homesick between the end of the third Test and the start of the first ODI? It was only a few days. I barely had time to get home, unpack, buy half-a-dozen jumpers to take on the Yorkshire winter and tune in the TV. It is all very odd. Perhaps some Googlies readers who weren't there can explain it all to me. Since we are supposed to be quite good at 20/20 I predict a return to abject failure.
Bird Matters
Unlike the Professor Eric Stephens is a proper Yorkshireman. He sent me this
On November 26th Dickie Bird travelled to Keighley to open a pub named after him. The pub is closely associated with Long Lee Cricket Club and it was this connection which caused the new pub owners (Mood Pubs) to approach Dickie to name it after him.
The whole cricket team attended and Dickie spent time talking to as many of them as possible, together with others from the large turn-out. He also posed for photographs, with any donation given to The Dickie Bird Foundation, a national charity founded by Dickie in 2004 which helps under-privileged children to play sport.
Possibly the highlight of the day was the arrival of the Cricket Club President, Arthur Bailey, who has just passed his 100th birthday. Arthur has been a club member since 1935. He is now its Honorary President and is still very active. He sat chatting with Dickie for half-an-hour and achieved the distinction of doing much of the talking! Dickie particularly liked Arthur’s reference of cricket ‘before your time’.
The opening was intended to be finished by 4.00pm, but it was rather later when Dickie finally got round to cutting the cake to mark the official opening. At around 6.00pm he got in the car and remarked that he is not as young as he used to be. But after nearly 5 hours of non-stop socialising he left feeling it had all been very enjoyable and worthwhile.
Dickie has been invited back as guest to one of Long Lee’s home fixtures this season and, ‘in recognition of his remarkable achievements’, the pub intends to hold a function to toast Dickie’s OBE.
Slow Bowlers
Its not so long ago that we were all writing off slow bowlers as being an anachronism in the modern game. First covered pitches led to surfaces that were not conducive to spin bowling and then the new style unpressed willow bats meant that they were slogged even further into the blue beyond. As if that wasn’t enough boundaries started to creep in and be positively shortened for various forms of the one day game. This meant that it became commonplace for mis-hits to go the full way for a six (I can’t bring myself to say or even type maximum).
A few spinners countered these trends by convincing the authorities to legitimise throwing so that they could bowl an apparently orthodox finger spinner that in fact turned the other way. Murali led this with his doosra now thrown by other exponents as well. You will recall that the umpire now has to judge from square leg whether the off spinner is bending his arm by more than fifteen degrees in order to assess whether his doosra delivery is fair or not.
But change as always is around the most unexpected corner and the advent of Hawkeye meant that for the first time we could all see retrospectively where a ball that hit the pads would have ended up if it had carried on its trajectory uninterrupted. Some umpires became intrigued by this and in particular Alim Daar decided that it shed light and removed much of the old uncertainty about decision making.
Back in the last century I grew up watching Ken Barrington play off spinners exclusively with his left pad. Think of his contests with the Australian Tom Vievers. Nowadays if Alim Daar was officiating instead of Sid Buller he wouldn’t last an over before the diminutive Sri Lankan sent him on his way. Soon umpires all over the world (its actually a small band who are on permanent tour) were responding to bowlers’ appeals when the ball struck the front pad.
Suddenly batsmen had to review their technique and they could no longer just thrust their front leg down the pitch and let their pad do the rest. Some may say that this was a welcome development as it restored some of the parity between bat and ball. However, a new innovation, the DRS system, has turned the screw a few more rounds in favour of the bowler. In this scenario when the umpire turns down an appeal the fielding side have the option to get the third umpires opinion. Unless the ball is just grazing the stumps the on field decision can and often is overturned in favour of the bowler if all four criteria are met- the delivery is not a no ball, the ball pitched in line or outside the off stump, the ball hit the pad first and it would have gone on to hit the stumps.
So now batsmen who have become used to bossing slow bowlers particularly by hitting across the line with their leg thrust forward are having to rethink their game or rather they need to. In the recent test series in the Middle East the English batsmen constantly were dismissed by thrashing across the line at Ajmaal and Rehman. Record numbers of LBWs were recorded in these games and it will clearly be a feature of the game going forward until the batsmen find new ploys to counter the technology which is giving them so much trouble at the present.
It could of course get even worse for batsmen in the short term if fielding captains in ODIs had the courage to set the same fields for their spinners as they do in the test matches. It is highly unlikely that England would have won the series 4-0 if Misbah had had the courage to adopt such tactics.
Lexicon Matters
The cricketing lexicon continues to grow and a few definitions and explanations might help you to understand them:
“We will concentrate on putting the ball in the right areas”. This means that we must stop bowling long hops, full tosses and other miscellaneous rinse.
“We can take some positives from this result”. This means that despite being thrashed by inferior opposition we can still pop down the bank and deposit our very generous pay cheques.
“We can learn lessons from this match”. This means that despite playing appallingly we will continue to play exactly the same way in the next match.
“Nevertheless we were very impressive in the field in this match”. This means that despite batting and bowling to no effect we threw ourselves around and made ridiculous despairing dives in the outfield risking serious injury and still lost by an innings and plenty.
“The atmosphere in the Dressing Room is much better”. This means that nobody gives a toss about the result any more and everyone keeps themselves to themselves listening on headphones to their ipods whilst frantically typing onto their twitter accounts.
Burke Matters
Peter Burke (aka Sammy) sent me the following
As an avid reader of your esteemed publication may I be permitted to comment on a couple of subjects and in particular the last 'Steve Wright Matters'?
My ex-captain admits he only has a 'dim recollection' of the 1970 season(sad for someone so young!),but I am able to fill your readers with the detail on Big Ron's 100th wicket! Ron reached 99 very early in September, had a couple of barren weekends, took a weekend off because of newspaper work and so arrived at the fag end of September 'one short'. On the last weekend we picked up a gash fixture against Harrow Town, who played on an unprepossessing ground just behind the Odeon Rayners Lane , if I remember correctly. Early on in their innings Ron fired in a short one which the batsmen inadvisably tried to hook. It lolloped off the splice towards wide mid on where I was prowling with cat like intent - I raced forward, flung myself full length and caught the ball inches from the turf, much to the relief of Big Ron and the general amazement and merriment of the Bush team! Why you may ask? Well I have to admit to a catching percentage success rate of somewhere in the low teens, due in no part to the sun always being in my eyes, long bootlaces, a dodgy knee and general lack of ability! It is said West London bookmakers offered 7/4 on the ball whilst it was in the air on the aforementioned occasion!
I am mortified young Steve cannot remember, but I had confirmation a couple of years ago from none other than Big Ron himself years ago when I met him at the MCG during the Australia/ Pakistan 2009 test. Whilst we were reminiscing over old times and catches to be remembered, we only saw three dropped Pakistani catches, a missed stumping and a cocked up run out attempt - but didn't think at the time there was anything untoward happening! Now we know! He also remembered the Hornsey game and the vast amount of Fremlins Ordinary regularly consumed by the ten batchelors in the Bush 1st eleven. (A test for the Bush memory cells - who was the married one?) He sent his regards to all the old Bush mates and his 100 victims!
A few names from the past, who I met last week at a funeral of an old non playing Bush member. Chris Langhorne, a fine all round cricketer, who looks exactly the same, except for about four grey hairs, as he did 48 years ago when he played for the GB Olympic Hockey team!; Ken Bruton, looking retired, large and prosperous; Terry Wood, looking tanned and prosperous having just sold his successful car parts business; And a couple of Old Danes of late fifties vintage, Andrew Richmond and Melvyn Bixley, brother of Ray and Brian.
A couple of comments to end up with if I may. I seem to remember there was discussion sometime ago about all rounders, but may have missed Keith Jones name being mentioned. He was the best I played with - could destroy any opening attack and was genuinely quick when annoyed, as I witnessed when he took a dislike to a Slough Bucks Minor County player, giving him a real working over accompanied by a few choice verbals! I'm still wincing!
Lord Ray may pleased to know Geoff Cleaver and myself, watching the last day of the 2005 Oval Ashes test when Pietersen got 158, dismissed him as a 'slogger' who would never make a real test cricketer! 8,000 test runs later the jury may still be out and My Noble Lord could have a case!
Your publication lightens up the cold winter months, from the erudite essays of the Prof to the sonorous ramblings of the Great Jack Morgan holding forth on the excitement of Middlesex 2's playing Derbyshire 2's at some dingy recreation ground in the far north! His scribing puts 'watching paint dry' under a great deal of pressure! And finally I particularly like the occasional anatomical colour photographs at the end of the newsletter, which raise the blood pressure and brings that nice nurse round with my pills! Here she comes now!
Statistical Matters
The Professor clearly had a grueling time in the Middle East
You will be pleased to know that the debate has moved on. The largest number of dismissals without the intervention of a fielder...29 or 30? In the match, 29 were LBW or bowled. But Cook was caught and bowled. Does this count as fielder "intervention"? That is, when Ajmal released the ball did his status instantly change from bowler to fielder in the two seconds it took Cook to hit it back at him. God help us. I'm an economist...get me out of here.
All these cricket statisticians are, by the way, nothing of the kind- they just collect data. Statistics involves sampling and statistical technique to draw inferences about a population. They don't do that...they just do these strange things instead.
Psycho Umpires Matters
I received the following alarming story via Ken James and Bob Peach
A cricket umpire killed a teenage spectator in Bangladesh by hitting him on the head with a bat in a dispute over a contested decision, police said Sunday. Nazrul Islam, 15, ran onto the pitch during an amateur game in the remote northern district of Kishoreganj and started an argument with the umpire, who took one of the players’ bats and hit the teenager. Islam showed no serious injury from the blow during the game on Friday but suffered an internal haemorrhage overnight and died in hospital the following day, local police chief Mosharraf Hossain told AFP. “The two argued over a not-out decision by the umpire. He accused the umpire of bias. At one stage, the umpire became angry, took a bat and hit the young boy on the head,” Hossain said. The umpire was being sought for questioning but had gone into hiding, he added.
Second XI Matters
The Great Jack Morgan provides another of his winter fillers
On paper, the Surrey team for the Second XI Trophy match against Kent at Cheam looked much stronger than Kent’s young side, but things soon went wrong for the home team as 18 year old Benedict Kemp (3 for 25) and TJ Miles, who played for Surrey against Middx at Guildford last week (2 for 13) had Schofield, Harinath, Spriegel, Wilson and Burns back in the hutch with only 35 on the board. James Crowson (22*) tried to lead a recovery, but 19 year old Ivan Thomas (4 for 14 overall) produced a remarkable burst of 4 for 0 to finish off the innings for only 76 in the 21st over. Keeper Sam Billings picked up 5 victims behind the sticks. Kent lost Billings with the score on 37 and Fabian Cowdrey (son of Chris) on 66, but left handed opener S Fuaad (32*) steered the visitors to an overwhelming victory by eight wickets in the twelfth over after only two and a half hours, shorter than an U-12s match! Ex-Middx man Kabir Toor, presumably on trial, turned out for Kent, but was not required to bat or bowl.
Red Mist Matters
South Africa's Richard Levi hit the fastest Twenty20 international century as the Proteas beat New Zealand by eight wickets in Hamilton. Levi reached three figures off just 45 balls, which included a record 13 sixes. In just his second international match, the 24-year-old opener made an unbeaten 117 from 67 balls. Levi now tops the list of the highest individual score recorded in a Twenty20 international. Levi got his first 50 from 25 balls, and took just 20 more balls to reach his ton. His remarkable feat ensured South Africa eased to the 174-run target to level the three-game series heading into the deciding match on Wednesday.
Coleman Matters
The Great Jack Morgan spotted Jeff Coleman in the MCCC Annual Review
I am going to demonstrate much restraint and refrain from making a series of inappropriate comments. Suffice it say that Middlesex should be proud of their continued support of this critical charity.
The Great Jack Morgan Matters
The Great Jack Morgan sent me the following
Great news that the Durham MCCU game has been switched from Durham to Merchant Taylor's School at Northwood. This is not a new ground for me of course, but it is a new first class ground and it might even allow me to see fc cricket in March (previously only witnessed in NZ).
It was great to see Eng going for the famous three-keepers strategy in the T20, wasn't it? Unfortunately, it did not work on this occasion: do you think bringing in a fourth keeper would help?
It looks as if the MCC v Champion County has lost its last hints of being something of a Test trial as, with two exceptions (Moeen Ali and Lewis Gregory), M Ramprakash is leading a bunch of veterans against Lancashire this year. I suppose that, with plenty of warm up matches being held over here around that time, most players feel they would be better off practising here rather than jetting off to the Middle East to play in non-English conditions with a pink ball!
Overson Matters
Chris Overson, who describes himself as an anorak friend of Keith Walmsley, enjoyed my report on the 2011 old Danes Gathering
Thanks very much. A great read. The photo' of Hugh Lindsay was brilliant. What a footballer. I was at an FA Cup 3rd qualifying round match Wealdstone v Stevenage in October 1965 which we (Wealdstone) eventually won 6-5. We were 3-5 down with 10 minutes to go and then HL scored a hat-trick. He was a useful cricketer too. I played against him once or twice when he played for Kenton (I think it was).
Peter Ray
I heard the sad news last week that Peter Ray had died following a long fight against Emphysema. I will welcome any recollections and anecdotes about him for inclusion in next month’s edition.
Old Danes Gathering 2012
The 2012 Old Danes Gathering will be held on Friday 27 July. Once again Shepherds Bush CC have kindly agreed to host this event. The Gathering will take place between 2pm and 8pm and we hope to see as many Old Danes as can make it. Even if you can only pop in for an hour you will be warmly greeted and made to feel welcome. There will be a bar and food available throughout.
Please let me know whether you plan to attend and I will circulate a list regularly between now and the event.
Molloy Matters
Ken Molloy sent me this
This is my neighbour:
She's single. She lives right across the street. I can see her house from my living room. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway. She knocked on my door. I rushed to open it.
She looked at me and said, "I just got home, and I am so horny! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and make love all night long! Are you busy tonight?" I immediately replied, "Nope. I'm free... I have no plans at all!" Then she said, "Good! In that case, could you watch my dog?"
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