GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 117
September 2012
Out and About with the Professor In my experience Scarborough has two distinct types of weather: warm and sunny or stultifyingly freezing. There is no middle ground. Fortunately it was the former mood which embraced the ground last Tuesday and so I was able to watch, together with at least one other avid Googly reader (there may have been two in the ground) the self-immolation of Gloucestershire.
Scarborough is reputed to have the largest capacity of any non-Test match ground in the country and several thousand turned up to what was the second day of the annual festival (well…what else would you do in Scarborough?). There is no parking at the ground and so my longish walk got me in at the Trafalgar Square entrance some ten minutes after kick-off. Sadly that meant that I also missed the first two Gloucestershire wickets to fall: Howell and Housego. This was a shame since I particularly wanted to have a look at Housego who looked very impressive when he played at Welwyn Garden City and after a couple of seasons in club cricket seems to be playing well for Gloucester. But not on Tuesday. Indeed it would be hard to identify any of the visitors who batted well although I suppose a total of 215 having been 9-4 must be proof of some resolve although it was also proof, in my view, of some very poor field setting by the Yorkshire captain, Gale.
Still 215 might have been enough had not Gloucester followed up a grim performance at the crease with a grimmer one in the field. I have a clear memory of Jonathan Batty being able, when he played for Surrey, to catch a cricket ball. This rather rudimentary skill for a wicket keeper seems to have deserted him in his mature years and the rest of the team sought to emulate his example. The upshot was that Yorkshire finished at 61-2 although it could have been 5. Perhaps the best thing on display was Joe Root’s batting and given subsequent events that may prove more interesting still.
So, a splendid day out and home via a friendly hostelry. Excellent. So what about the next day? And the next? Well, naturally, Scarborough resorted to its other type of weather – freezing cold and lashing it down. Play abandoned both days.
So, what do you do in Scarborough when there isn’t even any cricket to watch? (Polite) answers on a post-card please.
Middlesex Matters
The Great Jack Morgan updates us on recent matches
Middlesex lost yet another toss in the Championship match against Warwickshire at Uxbridge and, unsurprisingly, were invited to bat first. Joe Denly was the hero of the morning session as he guided the team through to lunch at 97 for 2 on a pitch that offered something for the bowlers, but was far from a minefield. In the afternoon, however, a wonderful stand of 176 developed between Denly and Dawid Malan, who rather outshone his partner. Dawid has had several dodgy spells with the bat in recent seasons, but just when you feel he is certain to be dropped (his first class average had sunk to the mid-twenties, below the dropped Robson), he produces a stylish and extremely valuable innings like this one. Joe, who was having a surprising amount of trouble with Darren Maddy's dibbly-dobblers, was the first to go for 95 with 14 fours and 2 sixes, then Malan followed for 106 with 15 fours and this signalled a dire collapse from 285 for 3 to 290 for 7. However, Middlesex were fielding possibly their strongest ever tail with no 10 Steve Crook possessing a career batting average of 27 and no 11 Tim Murtagh a career average of 22 and, just to emphasise the point, the pair put on an excellent 72 (Murtagh 36*, Crook 30) for the last wicket in under an hour as Middlesex closed on 402 off 115.4 overs at nearly three and a half runs an over. England ODI man Chris Woakes (4 for 84) and ex-Middx man Chris Wright (4 for 92) both did well with the ball for Warwicks.
The visitors, however, appeared to find the batting conditions much more difficult as they struggled along at little more than two runs an over for most of their innings. They soon slumped to 22 for 2, but opener and former captain Ian Westwood was their rock as he batted 340 minutes and faced 284 balls for his 111 with 13 fours despite being battered around the helmet by the hostile Toby Roland-Jones. Westwood's main support came from current captain and former England ODI player Jim Troughton who batted for more than four tedious hours for 60 off 178 balls in a stand of 165 for the third wicket. The best entertainment came from former England keeper Tim Ambrose (taker of seven catches in the match) who hit 40 from 71 balls and managed to lift the run rate up to the dizzy heights of 2.4 per over as the visitors closed on 324 from 134.5 overs, Murtagh taking 4 for 77. Troughton's surprising (as Warwicks are top of the Championship table) failure to declare behind the Middlesex total to create a competitive match had condemned the game to an almost certain draw, but Neil Dexter took the opportunity to demonstrate his return to form with a polished and attractive 84* (with 8 fours and a six) before the home team declared on 181 for 6 (Wright 3 for 68), but Warwickshire's negativity coupled with rain on the morning of day 4 ensured that the match petered out to the expected dull draw. Middlesex 8 points, Warwicks 8.
There were no surprises (unless you count the beautiful weather) on the first day of the Sussex versus Middlesex County Championship match at Hove (now called the "Probiz" County Ground!) as Middlesex lost yet another toss and were yet again asked to bat first on a seaming and bouncy track. The visitors soon plummeted to 65 for 6 and it was always going to be difficult from there. Conditions did ease after lunch, however, and this allowed Ollie Rayner (32) and Tim Murtagh (top score of 34 from no 10 with 4 fours and a six from 27 balls) to lift the total to a mediocre 170. Amjad Khan used the conditions shrewdly to finish with 5 for 25 and Steve Magoffin chipped in with 3 for 45. Sussex did not start so brilliantly (64 for 3), but captain and ex-Middlesex man Ed Joyce and ex-skipper Mike Yardy (both England ODI men) got their heads down in a dull, but effective stand of 78 for the fourth wicket, which gave Sussex a clear advantage. Joyce eventually fell for 68 off 177 balls with 8 fours and Yardy went on to 89 from 188 balls with 10 fours. The lower order (Magoffin 35 and Jimmy Anyon 29) took the total up to 287 from 104.4 overs giving the home team a significant lead of 117. Toby Roland-Jones starred with the ball for Middlesex and finished with career best figures of 6 for 66.
When Middlesex batted again, Sam Robson (36) batted solidly for the second time in the match and shared an opening stand of 72 with skipper Chris Rogers, who played some good shots in his 48 off 53 balls with 8 fours, while ex-captain Neil Dexter played pleasantly for 40. Overall, however, this was a poor batting performance by Middlesex in both innings (they made a disappointing 211 in their second innings) and in setting Sussex a "target" of 95 to win they consigned themselves to defeat by 8 wickets with more than a day to spare. Amjad (3 for 39) finished with match figures of 8 for 74 and Anyon helped out with 3 for 45. Keeper Ben Brown took six catches in the innings and eight in the match, while Yardy held on to four slip catches in the match.
John Simpson took four catches in the Sussex first innings and it is a good job that he continues to hold his catches as his batting has been terrible this season; similarly, Gareth Berg is picking up wickets, but his batting has been as bad as Simmo's. In this match, Ollie Rayner was promoted above both Simmo and Bergy, while the current records of Roland-Jones and Murtagh should also see them promoted above the Simpson/ Berg combination. Corey Collymore (batting average 5, bowling average 44) is another having a poor season and it came as a surprise to hear a rumour that he is likely to have his contract renewed for another year. Middlesex's current form is worthy of relegation, but fortunately, they have Surrey next, who are possibly as bad as us. Middlesex's last Championship win was (versus Sussex at Lord's) on June 2nd. Sussex 21 points Middx 3.
Ollie Rayner injured himself at Hove and is out of the Surrey match; he is replaced by Tom Smith (no surprise), but Andrew Balbirnie (a batsman from Dublin who made two undefeated centuries in a handful of 2s games last season and is a part-time offspinner) has also been called up. Simmo has been dropped and Adam Rossington gets a game. Bergy, Corey and Crooky are all in the squad. Later, we heard that Tony Ireland and Robbie Williams had been sacked (along with Scott Newman, about whom we already knew). I confess that when I heard that Balbirnie had been preferred to more senior batsmen cum offspinners like Tom Scollay and Adam London, I guessed that the latter two might also be heading for the sack, but it seems that is not the case. The axing of Ireland and Williams leaves little in terms of experience in reserve in the pace bowling department, but we are looking to the future in signing up promising 18 year olds Tom Helm and Harry Podmore (both of whom I have seen, especially Helm, who also plays for Bucks), but I doubt that they will be threatening the first team in the near future.
As usual, Middlesex lost the toss in the Championship match against Surrey at the Oval, but this time, ex-England man Gareth Batty chose to bat first: the pitch looked good enough certainly, but the dull and damp conditions might have tempted him to bowl, though later it became apparent that the pitch had been prepared for spinners so batting first was preferable. Changes were expected to the Middlesex team, but four changes surprised many of us as 21 year old Irish international Andrew Balbirnie (a promising batsman who bowls a little off-spin), England under 19s keeper Adam Rossington, slow left armer Tom Smith and pace bowling allrounder Steve Crook replaced Berg, Simpson, Rayner (broken finger) and Collymore. Personally, I felt that four changes were just too many; in particular, I felt that Gareth Berg should have held his place: he has been struggling for runs, but he is worth his place for his bowling alone. Nevertheless, the Middlesex bowlers enjoyed being asked to bowl first and Toby Roland-Jones (3 for 38) and Tim Murtagh soon had Surrey in deep trouble at 97 for 7, but 22 year old Jason Roy from Durban was still there and playing a fine innings of 55* (off 76 balls with 9 fours) and he got some support from ex-Middlesex man Murali Kartik in an eighth wicket stand of 41, but then Murtagh (5 for 37) took 3 quick wickets and Surrey were all out for 144.
Middlesex got off to a great start as skipper Chris Rogers (56 off 92 balls with 9 fours) and Sam Robson put on 98 for the first wicket, but Rogers fell just before the close of day 1 and Robson followed him in the first over of day 2. This left nightwatchman Tom Smith to slot into the anchor role and he did a good job with a solid innings of 31, which turned out to be the next best after Rogers's impressive effort. However, a collapse seems to be compulsory for Middlesex these days and yet another occurred here as the lads slumped from 164 for 3 to 188 for 9 with four wickets falling for 2 runs at one stage, but Middlesex bat well down the order at present (most of the tail enders have averages as good as the specialist batsmen) and the excellent last wicket pair of Roland-Jones and Murtagh put on 44 to take the total up to 232, a lead of 88, which might have been decisive in a low scoring match. Slow left armer and Indian Test player Kartik (who seems to have cured the no-ball problem that so irritated us in his Middlesex days) was the best of the Surrey bowlers with 5 for 69 as it became clear that spin was going to play a very important part in the match.
When Surrey batted again, the game was transformed by a brilliant partnership for the second wicket by the uncapped left-handed pair of Rory Burns and Arun Harinath, who hardly made a mistake in a terrific stand of 217. Finally, Steve Crook (3 for 93) got rid of Harinath for 109 off 212 balls with 9 fours and then the excellent Roland-Jones (5 for 39 and 8 for 77 in the match) started a collapse with the new ball, which included Burns for 121 off 238 balls with 14 fours. It was a maiden Championship century for both Burns and Harinath. England tourist Steve Davies, with 44 off 70 balls, tried to hold the innings together but Surrey were all out for 341 leaving Middlesex 254 to win. After a promising start to the Middlesex second innings, the pattern of the first innings was repeated as Rogers fell just before the close of day 3 and Robson followed him in the first over of day 4. Dawid Malan (33) briefly looked in control, but Middlesex (yet again) soon plummeted to101 for 7 with the damage being done by skipper Batty's off spin.
However, Crooky, batting at 9, decided to take the game to Surrey and cracked 67 off 88 balls with 9 fours and a 6 in a stand of 96 for the eighth wicket with Adam Rossington, but Rossington (25) fell a couple of balls after Crook, which left the best last wicket pair in county cricket (Roland-Jones and Murtagh, of course) to eke out a further 57 runs for the last wicket to win the match... and eke they certainly did as they eschewed their usual attacking style in order to keep their wickets intact and pursue a "we'll get them in singles" policy to steer Middlesex to victory. This worked well for an hour and a half as Middlesex edged closer to the coveted win in an incredibly tense atmosphere as 48 were added for the last wicket before Toby was finally given out lbw with only 9 needed for the much needed morale boosting victory. Batty was brilliant for Surrey both with his bowling (6 for 83) and leadership. His match figures were 8 for 135 and Kartik's were 8 for 160. Middlesex need to review this match very carefully. Too many batsmen are failing too often and leaving Berg out of this match badly weakened the pace bowling, but the biggest problem (as has been apparent for about three years) is that we do not have any class spinners. Even when Ollie Rayner is available, our spin attack is weak and playing Balbirnie ahead of Scollay or London was an error. I thought Tom Smith bowled pretty well in this match (and he batted well too in the first innings), but he just has not found a way to take wickets in Championship cricket as his haul of only one wicket in this match illustrates, while the part-time spinners took 0 for 45. If this problem is not addressed, more and more opponents will be preparing spinning wickets for their home matches against Middlesex as they know that their spinners are superior to our thin spin department. We could still go down. Surrey 19 points, Middlesex 4.
England Matters
First the Professor
What to make of England’s performance against South Africa?
Well, obviously South Africa were the better side in all departments of the game. I had a day at all three Tests and most of the time I saw South Africa bat in the way that I watched England bat in Australia last year, i.e., lengthily. At the Oval England bowled poorly, at Headingley a little better and at Lord’s a little better still but with Duminy at seven you have to bowl very well indeed and, crucially, you have to be able to catch. What on earth has happened to England’s catching? It was not long ago that you could say that a snick was out against England…but no longer. When even Anderson is shelling them all seems lost. And the batting? Well, that’s not been a fantastic success either give or take Bairstow and KP. Obviously South Africa have a highly gifted attack – Jacques Kallis as your forth seamer is the stuff of dreams – but there were some grim dismissals. Strangely, when Strauss was out in the second innings I watched him trudge back and passed him on the stairs. Being out is seldom a joyful business but I wondered then whether he might be thinking of giving up and so it proved.
Of course England’s cause was not helped at Lord’s by the failure to select our best player. At the danger of inciting Lord Ray into posthumous revolutions, Pietersen needs to be in the team. Clearly he is a difficult man to manage, indeed more than difficult, and I understand that one of the Afrikaans words he used in the texts is particularly vulgar. But this is not a club side. The moral high ground occupied by the press pundits reads as if it were. As if dropping him will: “teach him a lesson”. In the first place it won’t and in any event this is the national side made up of people who are at work, not play. Moreover, to treat the whole thing as a Pietersen issue absolves the management of any responsibility. The England set-up includes a veritable cohort of managers, sports psychiatrists, psychotherapists and, for all I know, pathologists. What are they doing? Can none of them manage Kevin? If not, what are they for? And before anyone says that the problem is Pietersen’s ego, if that’s true (and I don’t think it is) then someone ought to be on the case. What else are they paid for?
(Incidentally, I don’t think it is the ego because Pietersen is full (or at least was, when he used to talk to the Press) of self-justification. Egotistical people don’t care what other people think and they certainly see no need to justify their actions. Pietersen does and… it is never his fault: can’t make the South African side? something wrong with South Africa; chucked out of Notts? something wrong with Notts; loses the England captaincy? something wrong with England, and so on and so on. And……IT’S NOT MY FAULT!
Now what sort of person/what category or group of people say that? We all know the answer don’t we? My take on KP is thus not the supreme self-confidence of the egotist but rather the disruptive nature of the infantile who needs to be noticed. But no one loves him and ITS NOT FAIR!
So, why don’t we have someone in the cohort to deal with that specific problem? It can’t be hard to find someone, after all there will soon be lots of play group leaders unemployed when Mr Gove’s cuts kick in.)
Incidentally, while at Lord’s (watching South Africa bat) the chewed-up state of the outfield, following the posh darts competition, generated this tale about Lord Coe which, sadly, is far too good to be true. The story is that many years ago, before the cream-coated Lord’s attendants had been on their collective charm course and were still at their officious best, the then plain old Seb turned up at the Grace Gates to pick up tickets that had been left for him.
“Sorry Sir, tickets are at the North Gate”.
“Well, I was told they would be here. Where’s the North Gate?”
“Round the outside of the ground Sir – a couple of hundred yards”
“But I’m Sebastian Coe. Olympic gold medallist!”
“Well then Sir, it wont take you long to go and get you ticket then, will it?”
and then the Great Jack Morgan
I stated that Straussy would not be good enough to face SA and that we should have been looking for a new opener before the WI series. He averaged less than 18 in the SA series and though it is always nice to be right, I am not at all happy because no new opener has been tried and England will soon have also lost the series and their no 1 ranking. Another problem is that KP needs to be reinstated and Straussy sacked, but how could they do that without making it look like they favoured KP over AJS? I also blame the South Africans for this problem with KP: text messages are supposed to be private so why did KP's "mates" release details of his "private" texts to his SA buddies? The 'Boks have placed England deep into the excrement and I cannot see an easy way out. KP's mates are clearly a bunch of shits.
Later, it became clear that KP's texts were so far out of order that he may never play for England again and that Straussy looks sure to be retained. This is totally unsatisfactory as is England's eventual loss of the series 2-0. KP's Protean mates have quite likely ended his international career and unjustifiably prolonged Straussy's.
I think it was right that Finny should get a go in the team, but G Onions is the best bowler I have seen this season and I would have had him in as well. Broad has been medium paced and Anderson has also looked a bit jaded, so they would have opportunities to rest. I would not have a strict rota, but it would be horses for courses and the load would be shared. I would have more opportunities to do this because I would have five bowlers in and would not rule out two spinners.
Sofa Cricket
Derbyshire v Sussex CB40
Sussex were bowled out for a woefully inadequate167 with a couple of overs unused. Khawaja then had the ignominy of being run out on the first ball of the innings. By the time I started watching Durston and Madsen were making light work of the target before the former was caught behind down the leg side off Liddle who looked Sussex’s likeliest bowler. Redfern who never seems to get any runs had been awarded his county cap earlier in the day and proceeded to look quite good. Joyce’s tactics were hopeless. He set fields to save fours when Derbyshire only had to score at just over four an over. When Panesar bowled you could almost see the batsmen giggling as they milked him for five or six singles an over. It was hard to see how Sussex could have any impact on the outcome and the job was nearly done when Redfearn was stumped off Nash’s bowling for 49. Whiteley joined Madsen to complete what amounted to a thrashing for Sussex.
Warwickshire v Kent CB40
Warwickshire have had more than their fair share of rained off matches this summer and they must have wished that this one hade been as well. Rob Key won the toss and inserted them. Neither Davies nor Azar saw any need to bend their backs as they produced beautifully controlled swing and seam bowling in reducing Warwickshire to 15 for 4. When Simon Cook took over he was just as menacing and by the time Darren Stevens had held a trio of slip catches he came on to show that he could move it about as well as he cleaned up the tail. Warwickshire were bowled out for 92 in just thirty overs.
It is amusing to hear the Sky commentators trying to pretend that such a score can be defended and cover only has to make a decent stop for Nick Knight to exclaim “Game On”. Kent didn’t hang about and although they lost four wickets they were home and dry in twenty overs which represents a rout in this form of cricket.
Warwickshire have been doing well in the county championship and the CB40 but they don’t look much of a side. Probably less of a force than Lancashire were last season. Perhaps that’s the key to success at present-look crap!
Somerset v Hampshire CB40
Somerset made 228 on the back of a quick fire 61 from 31 by Peter Trego. By the time I started watching Hampshire had been reduced to 50 for 4 and Dawson had joined Vince. They made steady but satisfactory progress until Dawson needlessly holed out off Suppiah. In the modern game everyone is supposed to be able to bat and match winning partnerships should be put together right down the order. This isn’t the case at Hampshire. Michael bates, who I thought had looked quite good at Headingley last year, came in at seven and was embarrassingly poor but he clearly wasn’t batting above his station as Wood, Riazuddin, Briggs and Griffiths looked awful and contributed not a run between them. All any of them had to do was hang about and give Vince the strike and a win was on the cards. In the event Vince didn’t do much better and he should have bossed the situation, not taken singles early in the over and seen his side home. Instead he eventually fell for 95 with four overs remaining and his side fifty short. Hampshire must have the longest tail around the counties at the moment, excluding those counties that have no batting at all- Gloucester, Leicester, Glamorgan etc
Much has been made of the new young gun batters being all rounders because of their ability (sic) to keep wicket. I saw Jonny Bairstow at Chesterfield and he didn’t look too bad. However, in this match Joss Buttler donned the gloves and was clueless. He wasn’t having a bad day; he didn’t know what to do. To qualify as a wicket keeper it seems that all you have to do is have a pair of gloves in your bag.
Sussex v Warwickshire CB40
Sussex made really hard work of their innings and only reached 199 due to a typical nudge and grind innings from Yardy who made 61.Warwickshire have been in line to win the County Championship and also the CB40 but it is really hard to see how they do it. They are similar in many ways to Lancashire last year. Its hard to see where their runs come from. Traughton is too old to still be promising, Maddy is way past it, Ambrose has to bat up the order and Rikkii Clarke has a slog in the middle order. And so they performed at Hove. Six players reached 20 but the top scorer made just 30. They fell seventeen short and were bowled out by Beer and Nash who took 6 for 54 between them.
England v South Africa Lord’s test
I found myself rather strangely rooting more for England during this test and when I mentioned this to Lady Lomas she said that she had experienced the same phenomena. It will be interesting to see how long this lasts. England’s star turns in this match were somewhat surprisingly Finn and Bairstow. George emailed me asking what were the odds of Taylor and Bairstow reaching a combined 100 in their four innings. In the event it was England’s top order of Strauss, Cook and Trott who let them down amassing just 102 in their collective six innings. Bairstow seemed comfortable in both innings and won many new fans along the way. Finn is starting to fulfil his earlier promise and bowled with real hostility on the first morning and then with accurate pace in the second innings.
I was impressed with Philander throughout the series and he got his just deserts at Lord’s. He reminds me of Ossie Burton with his easy action, nagging accuracy and doing a bit each way with the ball. I fear that Amla is picking up over gully again and it accounts for many of his miss hits and inside edges. But he’s still getting runs.
England’s middle order made amends for the failure of the top men on the final day but were never likely to get home with a new ball to contend with.
Surrey v Glamorgan CB40
Surrey have found runs difficult to come by this season despite their much vaunted batting resources. When KP came to the crease Graham Wagg, who had bowled Stephen Davies with his left arm seam, reverted to slow left arm to the amusement of all including KP himself. In the event he offered a half tracker which His Highness gratefully dispatched through the covers for four. Simon Jones later cleaned him up and it was left to Spriegel, once again, to shepherd Surrey up to a barely respectable 219.
However, this was far too many for Glamorgan who, as already noted, are one of the sides with no batting. On an Oval wicket no one made a significant contribution and they were dismissed for 126 with fourteen overs to spare.
Yorkshire v Hampshire T20 Final
When Hampshire scrambled their way to 150 no one really knew whether it would prove a satisfactory score. Within a few overs Mascarenhas made it look plenty. He has acquired a Wizard status which prevents any batsman either timing or middling their shots against him. Then Dawson bowled Jaques and Bairstow hung his bat out to Briggs. Then Miller was caught at mid wicket by McKenzie only for the umpire not to seek confirmation of the catch from the third umpire but to hand over the decision to him. Poor McKenzie couldn’t believe it and, as always in this situation, the third umpire says he can’t tell from the pictures. Bairstow had walked but Miller instead of asking McKenzie just stood his ground.
This did though provide a rare treat for the crowd. Miller started playing drives reminiscent of Morgan. His sixes sailed out of the playing area, over the stands and into the river. Bresnan kept him company and I think that Miller was sure he could see his side home despite a required strike rate of over twelve for the last part of the innings. But in the final two overs he twice gave away the strike with singles he should have declined and Yorkshire ended up ten short.
However exciting the cricket can be, it must be an awful experience to attend one of these finals. For no good reason the crowd attend wearing ridiculous and no doubt uncomfortable outfits. Why do they do this? Who does it amuse? If this is not distracting enough the DJ has now become an integral part of sporting events - another thing to blame the Olympics for. The crowd is now required to join in with singing Hey Jude or Delilah between overs...
Red Mist Matters
Durham had back-to-back CB40 matches at Chester-le-Street over the weekend of 11/12 August. On the Saturday they won the toss against Surrey and scored 298 for 9. Phil Mustard opened the innings and scored 143 from 91 balls in an innings that included seven sixes and twelve fours. After a good night’s sleep Durham won the toss the next day as well and The Colonel went back out to open the innings again and creamed 107 from 61 balls with four sixes and nine fours. Not a bad weekend – 250 from 152 balls. Another batsman who has got the Gayle message.
KP – A Psychological Assessment Another contribution from King Cricket This morning, Sam pointed us towards this story. It seems Kevin Pietersen suspects some of his team-mates of running a parody Twitter account in his name. Is this the modern sportsman’s equivalent of “he’s calling me names behind my back”? It seems very, very unlikely that Graeme Swann, Jimmy Anderson or anyone else would be doing this, not least because half the tweets appear during Test matches. However, the mere fact that KP thinks this way highlights a massive problem.
1. Paranoia
For most people, paranoid feelings don’t come from nowhere. There needs to be a microbe of truth in the first place and then, like mould and mildew, these feelings need the right habitat in order to thrive. For KP, it doesn’t seem that much of a leap to think that people are publicly broadcasting his worst qualities for their own and others’ amusement, even those these very same people are quite literally on his side. If someone were actually doing that, it would be pretty horrendous, but take that antipathy down a few notches and it would still be pretty bloody awful. That second, lower notch is probably the reality.
2. Long-term relationships
Relationships are fluid. There are billions of different elements sloshing about, so they never retain exactly the same shape for even a moment. When the majority of the liquid’s in the right place, it’s all a piece of piss. However, when things slosh the other way, you need to rely on the fundamentals. We could maybe think of these as being sediment – thick, viscous stuff that doesn’t really move. In the England cricket team, the relationship sediment is the desire to help England win at cricket. That’s the one thing that everyone in the team should have in common. When things are going well and the relationship liquid’s mostly in the right place, no-one questions anything. They don’t need to – everything’s fine. However, when England start losing and the relationship liquid slides the wrong way, the sediment is revealed and there’s always doubt with KP, isn’t there? No matter what he says or does, his origins and history encourage people to question his motives. In any relationship, you need at least one common goal. If you ain’t got that, you ain’t got owt. Sometimes merely suspecting that the other person feels differently is enough to make things go tits up, even if that isn’t actually true.
3. The cause of arrogance
The situation is exacerbated by Kevin Pietersen’s arrogance. It is both a cause and a symptom and it is responsible for a vicious circle that is killing his relationships with his teammates. Every arrogant individual is laced with insecurity. If you are telling the world how good you are, it is because you want people to see your value. You need the world’s appreciation. This isn’t intrinsically bad. Arrogance is both a strength and a weakness. It’s a weakness because it’s really annoying and obnoxious. It’s a strength because a satisfied person is inherently complacent and insecurity is generally what breeds drive and ambition. An insecure person might measure their value in terms of money, attractiveness or their impact on the world, but in some way or another, they will always be striving for more life points.
4. The perception of arrogance
When someone talks about how marvellous they are and how the whole bloody world revolves around them, you can think: “That poor, insecure individual. If only his mother had loved him as much as she’d loved his three brothers, Tony, Greg and Bryan Pietersen, then maybe he wouldn’t have this desperate need to feel valued every second of every God-damned day.” Alternatively, you might think: “What a prick.”
If you went for Option B, congratulations – you are a normal human being. We encounter plenty of people over the course of each week and they all have various foibles and insecurities that we might take into account when communicating with them. However, practically speaking, life’s too short. Instead, you just react to this guy being a prick and you probably try and take him down a peg or two. You try to highlight all the ways in which he’s not as amazing as he thinks he is. In short, you make him feel unappreciated. Kevin Pietersen absolutely hates feeling unappreciated. It is the worst feeling in the world for him. He would do literally anything to make those around him see and acknowledge his value. Unfortunately, he really doesn’t know how to accomplish this. Insecure and unappreciated, KP therefore takes the most straightforward course of action available to him – he tries to tell everyone how amazing he is.
Carlin Matters
By some miracle I saw a little cricket at a rain ravaged Cheltenham Festival. These were two poor sides and there was no play until after lunch on the second day. They really do have to sort out the marketing of theses games because the players left the field at 6.30 in blazing sunshine, which were easily the best conditions of the match. They could and should have continued until at least 7.30pm. Maybe a fifteen-minute break could have been taken around 5.45 to give the poor dears a break. I regularly umpire in League cricket in three and a quarter hour sessions with only one or two five minute drinks breaks.
Anyway the Festival must have been a financial disaster this year. I know the steward from the Charlton King’s Club who take one of the large marquees on the ground for the two weeks and this costs £12000. Normally they can recoup most of this from bar and catering takings but this year up to the game that I attended the revenue amounted to about £800. They may not be there next year. The same sort of thing must have happened all around the country this awful summer.
To the cricket. Leicestershire look a poor batting side with, unsurprisingly, Sarwan looking head and shoulders above any other batsman. He made 50 odd out of a low total. The Gloucestershire attack was all seam and mediocre which made for dreary stuff. Although batting in the best conditions the early Gloucestershire batting didn’t look much either. Jon Batty kept well but looked out of touch batting unlike Housego who looked at ease and classy until he played no shot to a ball from left armer, Henderson and was bowled. I wasn’t very good and must have been bowled countless times but I did always try to stop it....
The only other thing to note in view of recent publicity was that 50% of the 22 players were from public schools and 20% were overseas players. Only four were from their respective counties. It really is time that cricket abandoned the pretence of county v county and went down the franchise route as 20/20 is bound to.
With no cricket to watch I did some clearing out and found an old 1957 Playfair annual. In that season the West Indies played five test matches and no less than twenty-five other three-day games. It was the last tour of the three Ws and Ramadhin and Valentine and the first for Gary Sobers and Rohan Kanhai. Interestingly this line up was blown away by Peter May’s bowlers - Bailey, Trueman, Statham, Loader, Laker and Lock.
A review of the season’s averages showed the top ten batsmen were: May, Worrell, Cowdrey, Graveney, Walcott, parks, Lowson, Sobers, Milton and Don Smith. The top bowlers were: Lock, Ramadhin, Statham, Laker, Eric Bedser, Loader, Shackleton, Jackson, Bedser and bailey. Who said that cream doesn’t rise to the top? Lock took 212 wickets at 12.02 whilst May scored 2347 runs at 62.
Overseas players all started in the Lancashire Leagues and amongst those engaged for 1958 were Everton Weekes, Ollie Smith, Fazal Mahmood, Conrad Hunte, Alf Valentine, V.J.Manjreker, Roy Gilchrist, Hanif Mohammed, Cec pepper, Gary sobers and Frank Worrell in the Staffordshie League. Were they any good? It does make the current crop of ubiquitous Aussies and South ASfricans look a little mediocre.
Rankings
We are indebted to King Cricket for the following explanation
England are now ranked the number one side in one-day internationals (ODIs). Here’s why that doesn’t matter.
Lesson one
Rankings tell you what’s happened. They don’t tell you who’s best. They tell you who’s been the best and even then only up to a point (see lesson two). If England chose to field three players instead of 11 in their next match and those three players were Geoff Capes, Boris Johnson and Limahl, they would still be ranked number one, even though they would clearly not be the best side.
Lesson two
The ODI rankings include only matches played in the last 12 months. Play crap teams for a year and you’ll do okay. Yes, they’re weighted so that you get more points for beating better teams, but this can be cannily exploited by a side like England. They invested many years in being rubbish at one-day cricket and therefore built up the ratings of all their opponents. They then played okay for a year, but got extra credit because everyone was supposed to be so much better than they were.
Lesson three
ODI rankings care little for context. A World Cup final win is worth the same as a Duckworth-Lewis victory in the seventh match of an already-decided series. But England lost 5-0 in India. Those were the only five matches they lost in 12 months: won 14, lost five. For their part, India won 17 and lost 10. That’s a worse record. It’s just cold, emotionless maths. But you’re missing the point – one-day rankings DO NOT MATTER. They measure something that is simply not worth measuring. You might as well rank sides for their fielding drills. India are world champions – they won the World Cup. All other one-day cricket falls somewhere between being World Cup preparation and just plain dicking about.
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An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 117
September 2012
Out and About with the Professor In my experience Scarborough has two distinct types of weather: warm and sunny or stultifyingly freezing. There is no middle ground. Fortunately it was the former mood which embraced the ground last Tuesday and so I was able to watch, together with at least one other avid Googly reader (there may have been two in the ground) the self-immolation of Gloucestershire.
Scarborough is reputed to have the largest capacity of any non-Test match ground in the country and several thousand turned up to what was the second day of the annual festival (well…what else would you do in Scarborough?). There is no parking at the ground and so my longish walk got me in at the Trafalgar Square entrance some ten minutes after kick-off. Sadly that meant that I also missed the first two Gloucestershire wickets to fall: Howell and Housego. This was a shame since I particularly wanted to have a look at Housego who looked very impressive when he played at Welwyn Garden City and after a couple of seasons in club cricket seems to be playing well for Gloucester. But not on Tuesday. Indeed it would be hard to identify any of the visitors who batted well although I suppose a total of 215 having been 9-4 must be proof of some resolve although it was also proof, in my view, of some very poor field setting by the Yorkshire captain, Gale.
Still 215 might have been enough had not Gloucester followed up a grim performance at the crease with a grimmer one in the field. I have a clear memory of Jonathan Batty being able, when he played for Surrey, to catch a cricket ball. This rather rudimentary skill for a wicket keeper seems to have deserted him in his mature years and the rest of the team sought to emulate his example. The upshot was that Yorkshire finished at 61-2 although it could have been 5. Perhaps the best thing on display was Joe Root’s batting and given subsequent events that may prove more interesting still.
So, a splendid day out and home via a friendly hostelry. Excellent. So what about the next day? And the next? Well, naturally, Scarborough resorted to its other type of weather – freezing cold and lashing it down. Play abandoned both days.
So, what do you do in Scarborough when there isn’t even any cricket to watch? (Polite) answers on a post-card please.
Middlesex Matters
The Great Jack Morgan updates us on recent matches
Middlesex lost yet another toss in the Championship match against Warwickshire at Uxbridge and, unsurprisingly, were invited to bat first. Joe Denly was the hero of the morning session as he guided the team through to lunch at 97 for 2 on a pitch that offered something for the bowlers, but was far from a minefield. In the afternoon, however, a wonderful stand of 176 developed between Denly and Dawid Malan, who rather outshone his partner. Dawid has had several dodgy spells with the bat in recent seasons, but just when you feel he is certain to be dropped (his first class average had sunk to the mid-twenties, below the dropped Robson), he produces a stylish and extremely valuable innings like this one. Joe, who was having a surprising amount of trouble with Darren Maddy's dibbly-dobblers, was the first to go for 95 with 14 fours and 2 sixes, then Malan followed for 106 with 15 fours and this signalled a dire collapse from 285 for 3 to 290 for 7. However, Middlesex were fielding possibly their strongest ever tail with no 10 Steve Crook possessing a career batting average of 27 and no 11 Tim Murtagh a career average of 22 and, just to emphasise the point, the pair put on an excellent 72 (Murtagh 36*, Crook 30) for the last wicket in under an hour as Middlesex closed on 402 off 115.4 overs at nearly three and a half runs an over. England ODI man Chris Woakes (4 for 84) and ex-Middx man Chris Wright (4 for 92) both did well with the ball for Warwicks.
The visitors, however, appeared to find the batting conditions much more difficult as they struggled along at little more than two runs an over for most of their innings. They soon slumped to 22 for 2, but opener and former captain Ian Westwood was their rock as he batted 340 minutes and faced 284 balls for his 111 with 13 fours despite being battered around the helmet by the hostile Toby Roland-Jones. Westwood's main support came from current captain and former England ODI player Jim Troughton who batted for more than four tedious hours for 60 off 178 balls in a stand of 165 for the third wicket. The best entertainment came from former England keeper Tim Ambrose (taker of seven catches in the match) who hit 40 from 71 balls and managed to lift the run rate up to the dizzy heights of 2.4 per over as the visitors closed on 324 from 134.5 overs, Murtagh taking 4 for 77. Troughton's surprising (as Warwicks are top of the Championship table) failure to declare behind the Middlesex total to create a competitive match had condemned the game to an almost certain draw, but Neil Dexter took the opportunity to demonstrate his return to form with a polished and attractive 84* (with 8 fours and a six) before the home team declared on 181 for 6 (Wright 3 for 68), but Warwickshire's negativity coupled with rain on the morning of day 4 ensured that the match petered out to the expected dull draw. Middlesex 8 points, Warwicks 8.
There were no surprises (unless you count the beautiful weather) on the first day of the Sussex versus Middlesex County Championship match at Hove (now called the "Probiz" County Ground!) as Middlesex lost yet another toss and were yet again asked to bat first on a seaming and bouncy track. The visitors soon plummeted to 65 for 6 and it was always going to be difficult from there. Conditions did ease after lunch, however, and this allowed Ollie Rayner (32) and Tim Murtagh (top score of 34 from no 10 with 4 fours and a six from 27 balls) to lift the total to a mediocre 170. Amjad Khan used the conditions shrewdly to finish with 5 for 25 and Steve Magoffin chipped in with 3 for 45. Sussex did not start so brilliantly (64 for 3), but captain and ex-Middlesex man Ed Joyce and ex-skipper Mike Yardy (both England ODI men) got their heads down in a dull, but effective stand of 78 for the fourth wicket, which gave Sussex a clear advantage. Joyce eventually fell for 68 off 177 balls with 8 fours and Yardy went on to 89 from 188 balls with 10 fours. The lower order (Magoffin 35 and Jimmy Anyon 29) took the total up to 287 from 104.4 overs giving the home team a significant lead of 117. Toby Roland-Jones starred with the ball for Middlesex and finished with career best figures of 6 for 66.
When Middlesex batted again, Sam Robson (36) batted solidly for the second time in the match and shared an opening stand of 72 with skipper Chris Rogers, who played some good shots in his 48 off 53 balls with 8 fours, while ex-captain Neil Dexter played pleasantly for 40. Overall, however, this was a poor batting performance by Middlesex in both innings (they made a disappointing 211 in their second innings) and in setting Sussex a "target" of 95 to win they consigned themselves to defeat by 8 wickets with more than a day to spare. Amjad (3 for 39) finished with match figures of 8 for 74 and Anyon helped out with 3 for 45. Keeper Ben Brown took six catches in the innings and eight in the match, while Yardy held on to four slip catches in the match.
John Simpson took four catches in the Sussex first innings and it is a good job that he continues to hold his catches as his batting has been terrible this season; similarly, Gareth Berg is picking up wickets, but his batting has been as bad as Simmo's. In this match, Ollie Rayner was promoted above both Simmo and Bergy, while the current records of Roland-Jones and Murtagh should also see them promoted above the Simpson/ Berg combination. Corey Collymore (batting average 5, bowling average 44) is another having a poor season and it came as a surprise to hear a rumour that he is likely to have his contract renewed for another year. Middlesex's current form is worthy of relegation, but fortunately, they have Surrey next, who are possibly as bad as us. Middlesex's last Championship win was (versus Sussex at Lord's) on June 2nd. Sussex 21 points Middx 3.
Ollie Rayner injured himself at Hove and is out of the Surrey match; he is replaced by Tom Smith (no surprise), but Andrew Balbirnie (a batsman from Dublin who made two undefeated centuries in a handful of 2s games last season and is a part-time offspinner) has also been called up. Simmo has been dropped and Adam Rossington gets a game. Bergy, Corey and Crooky are all in the squad. Later, we heard that Tony Ireland and Robbie Williams had been sacked (along with Scott Newman, about whom we already knew). I confess that when I heard that Balbirnie had been preferred to more senior batsmen cum offspinners like Tom Scollay and Adam London, I guessed that the latter two might also be heading for the sack, but it seems that is not the case. The axing of Ireland and Williams leaves little in terms of experience in reserve in the pace bowling department, but we are looking to the future in signing up promising 18 year olds Tom Helm and Harry Podmore (both of whom I have seen, especially Helm, who also plays for Bucks), but I doubt that they will be threatening the first team in the near future.
As usual, Middlesex lost the toss in the Championship match against Surrey at the Oval, but this time, ex-England man Gareth Batty chose to bat first: the pitch looked good enough certainly, but the dull and damp conditions might have tempted him to bowl, though later it became apparent that the pitch had been prepared for spinners so batting first was preferable. Changes were expected to the Middlesex team, but four changes surprised many of us as 21 year old Irish international Andrew Balbirnie (a promising batsman who bowls a little off-spin), England under 19s keeper Adam Rossington, slow left armer Tom Smith and pace bowling allrounder Steve Crook replaced Berg, Simpson, Rayner (broken finger) and Collymore. Personally, I felt that four changes were just too many; in particular, I felt that Gareth Berg should have held his place: he has been struggling for runs, but he is worth his place for his bowling alone. Nevertheless, the Middlesex bowlers enjoyed being asked to bowl first and Toby Roland-Jones (3 for 38) and Tim Murtagh soon had Surrey in deep trouble at 97 for 7, but 22 year old Jason Roy from Durban was still there and playing a fine innings of 55* (off 76 balls with 9 fours) and he got some support from ex-Middlesex man Murali Kartik in an eighth wicket stand of 41, but then Murtagh (5 for 37) took 3 quick wickets and Surrey were all out for 144.
Middlesex got off to a great start as skipper Chris Rogers (56 off 92 balls with 9 fours) and Sam Robson put on 98 for the first wicket, but Rogers fell just before the close of day 1 and Robson followed him in the first over of day 2. This left nightwatchman Tom Smith to slot into the anchor role and he did a good job with a solid innings of 31, which turned out to be the next best after Rogers's impressive effort. However, a collapse seems to be compulsory for Middlesex these days and yet another occurred here as the lads slumped from 164 for 3 to 188 for 9 with four wickets falling for 2 runs at one stage, but Middlesex bat well down the order at present (most of the tail enders have averages as good as the specialist batsmen) and the excellent last wicket pair of Roland-Jones and Murtagh put on 44 to take the total up to 232, a lead of 88, which might have been decisive in a low scoring match. Slow left armer and Indian Test player Kartik (who seems to have cured the no-ball problem that so irritated us in his Middlesex days) was the best of the Surrey bowlers with 5 for 69 as it became clear that spin was going to play a very important part in the match.
When Surrey batted again, the game was transformed by a brilliant partnership for the second wicket by the uncapped left-handed pair of Rory Burns and Arun Harinath, who hardly made a mistake in a terrific stand of 217. Finally, Steve Crook (3 for 93) got rid of Harinath for 109 off 212 balls with 9 fours and then the excellent Roland-Jones (5 for 39 and 8 for 77 in the match) started a collapse with the new ball, which included Burns for 121 off 238 balls with 14 fours. It was a maiden Championship century for both Burns and Harinath. England tourist Steve Davies, with 44 off 70 balls, tried to hold the innings together but Surrey were all out for 341 leaving Middlesex 254 to win. After a promising start to the Middlesex second innings, the pattern of the first innings was repeated as Rogers fell just before the close of day 3 and Robson followed him in the first over of day 4. Dawid Malan (33) briefly looked in control, but Middlesex (yet again) soon plummeted to101 for 7 with the damage being done by skipper Batty's off spin.
However, Crooky, batting at 9, decided to take the game to Surrey and cracked 67 off 88 balls with 9 fours and a 6 in a stand of 96 for the eighth wicket with Adam Rossington, but Rossington (25) fell a couple of balls after Crook, which left the best last wicket pair in county cricket (Roland-Jones and Murtagh, of course) to eke out a further 57 runs for the last wicket to win the match... and eke they certainly did as they eschewed their usual attacking style in order to keep their wickets intact and pursue a "we'll get them in singles" policy to steer Middlesex to victory. This worked well for an hour and a half as Middlesex edged closer to the coveted win in an incredibly tense atmosphere as 48 were added for the last wicket before Toby was finally given out lbw with only 9 needed for the much needed morale boosting victory. Batty was brilliant for Surrey both with his bowling (6 for 83) and leadership. His match figures were 8 for 135 and Kartik's were 8 for 160. Middlesex need to review this match very carefully. Too many batsmen are failing too often and leaving Berg out of this match badly weakened the pace bowling, but the biggest problem (as has been apparent for about three years) is that we do not have any class spinners. Even when Ollie Rayner is available, our spin attack is weak and playing Balbirnie ahead of Scollay or London was an error. I thought Tom Smith bowled pretty well in this match (and he batted well too in the first innings), but he just has not found a way to take wickets in Championship cricket as his haul of only one wicket in this match illustrates, while the part-time spinners took 0 for 45. If this problem is not addressed, more and more opponents will be preparing spinning wickets for their home matches against Middlesex as they know that their spinners are superior to our thin spin department. We could still go down. Surrey 19 points, Middlesex 4.
England Matters
First the Professor
What to make of England’s performance against South Africa?
Well, obviously South Africa were the better side in all departments of the game. I had a day at all three Tests and most of the time I saw South Africa bat in the way that I watched England bat in Australia last year, i.e., lengthily. At the Oval England bowled poorly, at Headingley a little better and at Lord’s a little better still but with Duminy at seven you have to bowl very well indeed and, crucially, you have to be able to catch. What on earth has happened to England’s catching? It was not long ago that you could say that a snick was out against England…but no longer. When even Anderson is shelling them all seems lost. And the batting? Well, that’s not been a fantastic success either give or take Bairstow and KP. Obviously South Africa have a highly gifted attack – Jacques Kallis as your forth seamer is the stuff of dreams – but there were some grim dismissals. Strangely, when Strauss was out in the second innings I watched him trudge back and passed him on the stairs. Being out is seldom a joyful business but I wondered then whether he might be thinking of giving up and so it proved.
Of course England’s cause was not helped at Lord’s by the failure to select our best player. At the danger of inciting Lord Ray into posthumous revolutions, Pietersen needs to be in the team. Clearly he is a difficult man to manage, indeed more than difficult, and I understand that one of the Afrikaans words he used in the texts is particularly vulgar. But this is not a club side. The moral high ground occupied by the press pundits reads as if it were. As if dropping him will: “teach him a lesson”. In the first place it won’t and in any event this is the national side made up of people who are at work, not play. Moreover, to treat the whole thing as a Pietersen issue absolves the management of any responsibility. The England set-up includes a veritable cohort of managers, sports psychiatrists, psychotherapists and, for all I know, pathologists. What are they doing? Can none of them manage Kevin? If not, what are they for? And before anyone says that the problem is Pietersen’s ego, if that’s true (and I don’t think it is) then someone ought to be on the case. What else are they paid for?
(Incidentally, I don’t think it is the ego because Pietersen is full (or at least was, when he used to talk to the Press) of self-justification. Egotistical people don’t care what other people think and they certainly see no need to justify their actions. Pietersen does and… it is never his fault: can’t make the South African side? something wrong with South Africa; chucked out of Notts? something wrong with Notts; loses the England captaincy? something wrong with England, and so on and so on. And……IT’S NOT MY FAULT!
Now what sort of person/what category or group of people say that? We all know the answer don’t we? My take on KP is thus not the supreme self-confidence of the egotist but rather the disruptive nature of the infantile who needs to be noticed. But no one loves him and ITS NOT FAIR!
So, why don’t we have someone in the cohort to deal with that specific problem? It can’t be hard to find someone, after all there will soon be lots of play group leaders unemployed when Mr Gove’s cuts kick in.)
Incidentally, while at Lord’s (watching South Africa bat) the chewed-up state of the outfield, following the posh darts competition, generated this tale about Lord Coe which, sadly, is far too good to be true. The story is that many years ago, before the cream-coated Lord’s attendants had been on their collective charm course and were still at their officious best, the then plain old Seb turned up at the Grace Gates to pick up tickets that had been left for him.
“Sorry Sir, tickets are at the North Gate”.
“Well, I was told they would be here. Where’s the North Gate?”
“Round the outside of the ground Sir – a couple of hundred yards”
“But I’m Sebastian Coe. Olympic gold medallist!”
“Well then Sir, it wont take you long to go and get you ticket then, will it?”
and then the Great Jack Morgan
I stated that Straussy would not be good enough to face SA and that we should have been looking for a new opener before the WI series. He averaged less than 18 in the SA series and though it is always nice to be right, I am not at all happy because no new opener has been tried and England will soon have also lost the series and their no 1 ranking. Another problem is that KP needs to be reinstated and Straussy sacked, but how could they do that without making it look like they favoured KP over AJS? I also blame the South Africans for this problem with KP: text messages are supposed to be private so why did KP's "mates" release details of his "private" texts to his SA buddies? The 'Boks have placed England deep into the excrement and I cannot see an easy way out. KP's mates are clearly a bunch of shits.
Later, it became clear that KP's texts were so far out of order that he may never play for England again and that Straussy looks sure to be retained. This is totally unsatisfactory as is England's eventual loss of the series 2-0. KP's Protean mates have quite likely ended his international career and unjustifiably prolonged Straussy's.
I think it was right that Finny should get a go in the team, but G Onions is the best bowler I have seen this season and I would have had him in as well. Broad has been medium paced and Anderson has also looked a bit jaded, so they would have opportunities to rest. I would not have a strict rota, but it would be horses for courses and the load would be shared. I would have more opportunities to do this because I would have five bowlers in and would not rule out two spinners.
Sofa Cricket
Derbyshire v Sussex CB40
Sussex were bowled out for a woefully inadequate167 with a couple of overs unused. Khawaja then had the ignominy of being run out on the first ball of the innings. By the time I started watching Durston and Madsen were making light work of the target before the former was caught behind down the leg side off Liddle who looked Sussex’s likeliest bowler. Redfern who never seems to get any runs had been awarded his county cap earlier in the day and proceeded to look quite good. Joyce’s tactics were hopeless. He set fields to save fours when Derbyshire only had to score at just over four an over. When Panesar bowled you could almost see the batsmen giggling as they milked him for five or six singles an over. It was hard to see how Sussex could have any impact on the outcome and the job was nearly done when Redfearn was stumped off Nash’s bowling for 49. Whiteley joined Madsen to complete what amounted to a thrashing for Sussex.
Warwickshire v Kent CB40
Warwickshire have had more than their fair share of rained off matches this summer and they must have wished that this one hade been as well. Rob Key won the toss and inserted them. Neither Davies nor Azar saw any need to bend their backs as they produced beautifully controlled swing and seam bowling in reducing Warwickshire to 15 for 4. When Simon Cook took over he was just as menacing and by the time Darren Stevens had held a trio of slip catches he came on to show that he could move it about as well as he cleaned up the tail. Warwickshire were bowled out for 92 in just thirty overs.
It is amusing to hear the Sky commentators trying to pretend that such a score can be defended and cover only has to make a decent stop for Nick Knight to exclaim “Game On”. Kent didn’t hang about and although they lost four wickets they were home and dry in twenty overs which represents a rout in this form of cricket.
Warwickshire have been doing well in the county championship and the CB40 but they don’t look much of a side. Probably less of a force than Lancashire were last season. Perhaps that’s the key to success at present-look crap!
Somerset v Hampshire CB40
Somerset made 228 on the back of a quick fire 61 from 31 by Peter Trego. By the time I started watching Hampshire had been reduced to 50 for 4 and Dawson had joined Vince. They made steady but satisfactory progress until Dawson needlessly holed out off Suppiah. In the modern game everyone is supposed to be able to bat and match winning partnerships should be put together right down the order. This isn’t the case at Hampshire. Michael bates, who I thought had looked quite good at Headingley last year, came in at seven and was embarrassingly poor but he clearly wasn’t batting above his station as Wood, Riazuddin, Briggs and Griffiths looked awful and contributed not a run between them. All any of them had to do was hang about and give Vince the strike and a win was on the cards. In the event Vince didn’t do much better and he should have bossed the situation, not taken singles early in the over and seen his side home. Instead he eventually fell for 95 with four overs remaining and his side fifty short. Hampshire must have the longest tail around the counties at the moment, excluding those counties that have no batting at all- Gloucester, Leicester, Glamorgan etc
Much has been made of the new young gun batters being all rounders because of their ability (sic) to keep wicket. I saw Jonny Bairstow at Chesterfield and he didn’t look too bad. However, in this match Joss Buttler donned the gloves and was clueless. He wasn’t having a bad day; he didn’t know what to do. To qualify as a wicket keeper it seems that all you have to do is have a pair of gloves in your bag.
Sussex v Warwickshire CB40
Sussex made really hard work of their innings and only reached 199 due to a typical nudge and grind innings from Yardy who made 61.Warwickshire have been in line to win the County Championship and also the CB40 but it is really hard to see how they do it. They are similar in many ways to Lancashire last year. Its hard to see where their runs come from. Traughton is too old to still be promising, Maddy is way past it, Ambrose has to bat up the order and Rikkii Clarke has a slog in the middle order. And so they performed at Hove. Six players reached 20 but the top scorer made just 30. They fell seventeen short and were bowled out by Beer and Nash who took 6 for 54 between them.
England v South Africa Lord’s test
I found myself rather strangely rooting more for England during this test and when I mentioned this to Lady Lomas she said that she had experienced the same phenomena. It will be interesting to see how long this lasts. England’s star turns in this match were somewhat surprisingly Finn and Bairstow. George emailed me asking what were the odds of Taylor and Bairstow reaching a combined 100 in their four innings. In the event it was England’s top order of Strauss, Cook and Trott who let them down amassing just 102 in their collective six innings. Bairstow seemed comfortable in both innings and won many new fans along the way. Finn is starting to fulfil his earlier promise and bowled with real hostility on the first morning and then with accurate pace in the second innings.
I was impressed with Philander throughout the series and he got his just deserts at Lord’s. He reminds me of Ossie Burton with his easy action, nagging accuracy and doing a bit each way with the ball. I fear that Amla is picking up over gully again and it accounts for many of his miss hits and inside edges. But he’s still getting runs.
England’s middle order made amends for the failure of the top men on the final day but were never likely to get home with a new ball to contend with.
Surrey v Glamorgan CB40
Surrey have found runs difficult to come by this season despite their much vaunted batting resources. When KP came to the crease Graham Wagg, who had bowled Stephen Davies with his left arm seam, reverted to slow left arm to the amusement of all including KP himself. In the event he offered a half tracker which His Highness gratefully dispatched through the covers for four. Simon Jones later cleaned him up and it was left to Spriegel, once again, to shepherd Surrey up to a barely respectable 219.
However, this was far too many for Glamorgan who, as already noted, are one of the sides with no batting. On an Oval wicket no one made a significant contribution and they were dismissed for 126 with fourteen overs to spare.
Yorkshire v Hampshire T20 Final
When Hampshire scrambled their way to 150 no one really knew whether it would prove a satisfactory score. Within a few overs Mascarenhas made it look plenty. He has acquired a Wizard status which prevents any batsman either timing or middling their shots against him. Then Dawson bowled Jaques and Bairstow hung his bat out to Briggs. Then Miller was caught at mid wicket by McKenzie only for the umpire not to seek confirmation of the catch from the third umpire but to hand over the decision to him. Poor McKenzie couldn’t believe it and, as always in this situation, the third umpire says he can’t tell from the pictures. Bairstow had walked but Miller instead of asking McKenzie just stood his ground.
This did though provide a rare treat for the crowd. Miller started playing drives reminiscent of Morgan. His sixes sailed out of the playing area, over the stands and into the river. Bresnan kept him company and I think that Miller was sure he could see his side home despite a required strike rate of over twelve for the last part of the innings. But in the final two overs he twice gave away the strike with singles he should have declined and Yorkshire ended up ten short.
However exciting the cricket can be, it must be an awful experience to attend one of these finals. For no good reason the crowd attend wearing ridiculous and no doubt uncomfortable outfits. Why do they do this? Who does it amuse? If this is not distracting enough the DJ has now become an integral part of sporting events - another thing to blame the Olympics for. The crowd is now required to join in with singing Hey Jude or Delilah between overs...
Red Mist Matters
Durham had back-to-back CB40 matches at Chester-le-Street over the weekend of 11/12 August. On the Saturday they won the toss against Surrey and scored 298 for 9. Phil Mustard opened the innings and scored 143 from 91 balls in an innings that included seven sixes and twelve fours. After a good night’s sleep Durham won the toss the next day as well and The Colonel went back out to open the innings again and creamed 107 from 61 balls with four sixes and nine fours. Not a bad weekend – 250 from 152 balls. Another batsman who has got the Gayle message.
KP – A Psychological Assessment Another contribution from King Cricket This morning, Sam pointed us towards this story. It seems Kevin Pietersen suspects some of his team-mates of running a parody Twitter account in his name. Is this the modern sportsman’s equivalent of “he’s calling me names behind my back”? It seems very, very unlikely that Graeme Swann, Jimmy Anderson or anyone else would be doing this, not least because half the tweets appear during Test matches. However, the mere fact that KP thinks this way highlights a massive problem.
1. Paranoia
For most people, paranoid feelings don’t come from nowhere. There needs to be a microbe of truth in the first place and then, like mould and mildew, these feelings need the right habitat in order to thrive. For KP, it doesn’t seem that much of a leap to think that people are publicly broadcasting his worst qualities for their own and others’ amusement, even those these very same people are quite literally on his side. If someone were actually doing that, it would be pretty horrendous, but take that antipathy down a few notches and it would still be pretty bloody awful. That second, lower notch is probably the reality.
2. Long-term relationships
Relationships are fluid. There are billions of different elements sloshing about, so they never retain exactly the same shape for even a moment. When the majority of the liquid’s in the right place, it’s all a piece of piss. However, when things slosh the other way, you need to rely on the fundamentals. We could maybe think of these as being sediment – thick, viscous stuff that doesn’t really move. In the England cricket team, the relationship sediment is the desire to help England win at cricket. That’s the one thing that everyone in the team should have in common. When things are going well and the relationship liquid’s mostly in the right place, no-one questions anything. They don’t need to – everything’s fine. However, when England start losing and the relationship liquid slides the wrong way, the sediment is revealed and there’s always doubt with KP, isn’t there? No matter what he says or does, his origins and history encourage people to question his motives. In any relationship, you need at least one common goal. If you ain’t got that, you ain’t got owt. Sometimes merely suspecting that the other person feels differently is enough to make things go tits up, even if that isn’t actually true.
3. The cause of arrogance
The situation is exacerbated by Kevin Pietersen’s arrogance. It is both a cause and a symptom and it is responsible for a vicious circle that is killing his relationships with his teammates. Every arrogant individual is laced with insecurity. If you are telling the world how good you are, it is because you want people to see your value. You need the world’s appreciation. This isn’t intrinsically bad. Arrogance is both a strength and a weakness. It’s a weakness because it’s really annoying and obnoxious. It’s a strength because a satisfied person is inherently complacent and insecurity is generally what breeds drive and ambition. An insecure person might measure their value in terms of money, attractiveness or their impact on the world, but in some way or another, they will always be striving for more life points.
4. The perception of arrogance
When someone talks about how marvellous they are and how the whole bloody world revolves around them, you can think: “That poor, insecure individual. If only his mother had loved him as much as she’d loved his three brothers, Tony, Greg and Bryan Pietersen, then maybe he wouldn’t have this desperate need to feel valued every second of every God-damned day.” Alternatively, you might think: “What a prick.”
If you went for Option B, congratulations – you are a normal human being. We encounter plenty of people over the course of each week and they all have various foibles and insecurities that we might take into account when communicating with them. However, practically speaking, life’s too short. Instead, you just react to this guy being a prick and you probably try and take him down a peg or two. You try to highlight all the ways in which he’s not as amazing as he thinks he is. In short, you make him feel unappreciated. Kevin Pietersen absolutely hates feeling unappreciated. It is the worst feeling in the world for him. He would do literally anything to make those around him see and acknowledge his value. Unfortunately, he really doesn’t know how to accomplish this. Insecure and unappreciated, KP therefore takes the most straightforward course of action available to him – he tries to tell everyone how amazing he is.
Carlin Matters
By some miracle I saw a little cricket at a rain ravaged Cheltenham Festival. These were two poor sides and there was no play until after lunch on the second day. They really do have to sort out the marketing of theses games because the players left the field at 6.30 in blazing sunshine, which were easily the best conditions of the match. They could and should have continued until at least 7.30pm. Maybe a fifteen-minute break could have been taken around 5.45 to give the poor dears a break. I regularly umpire in League cricket in three and a quarter hour sessions with only one or two five minute drinks breaks.
Anyway the Festival must have been a financial disaster this year. I know the steward from the Charlton King’s Club who take one of the large marquees on the ground for the two weeks and this costs £12000. Normally they can recoup most of this from bar and catering takings but this year up to the game that I attended the revenue amounted to about £800. They may not be there next year. The same sort of thing must have happened all around the country this awful summer.
To the cricket. Leicestershire look a poor batting side with, unsurprisingly, Sarwan looking head and shoulders above any other batsman. He made 50 odd out of a low total. The Gloucestershire attack was all seam and mediocre which made for dreary stuff. Although batting in the best conditions the early Gloucestershire batting didn’t look much either. Jon Batty kept well but looked out of touch batting unlike Housego who looked at ease and classy until he played no shot to a ball from left armer, Henderson and was bowled. I wasn’t very good and must have been bowled countless times but I did always try to stop it....
The only other thing to note in view of recent publicity was that 50% of the 22 players were from public schools and 20% were overseas players. Only four were from their respective counties. It really is time that cricket abandoned the pretence of county v county and went down the franchise route as 20/20 is bound to.
With no cricket to watch I did some clearing out and found an old 1957 Playfair annual. In that season the West Indies played five test matches and no less than twenty-five other three-day games. It was the last tour of the three Ws and Ramadhin and Valentine and the first for Gary Sobers and Rohan Kanhai. Interestingly this line up was blown away by Peter May’s bowlers - Bailey, Trueman, Statham, Loader, Laker and Lock.
A review of the season’s averages showed the top ten batsmen were: May, Worrell, Cowdrey, Graveney, Walcott, parks, Lowson, Sobers, Milton and Don Smith. The top bowlers were: Lock, Ramadhin, Statham, Laker, Eric Bedser, Loader, Shackleton, Jackson, Bedser and bailey. Who said that cream doesn’t rise to the top? Lock took 212 wickets at 12.02 whilst May scored 2347 runs at 62.
Overseas players all started in the Lancashire Leagues and amongst those engaged for 1958 were Everton Weekes, Ollie Smith, Fazal Mahmood, Conrad Hunte, Alf Valentine, V.J.Manjreker, Roy Gilchrist, Hanif Mohammed, Cec pepper, Gary sobers and Frank Worrell in the Staffordshie League. Were they any good? It does make the current crop of ubiquitous Aussies and South ASfricans look a little mediocre.
Rankings
We are indebted to King Cricket for the following explanation
England are now ranked the number one side in one-day internationals (ODIs). Here’s why that doesn’t matter.
Lesson one
Rankings tell you what’s happened. They don’t tell you who’s best. They tell you who’s been the best and even then only up to a point (see lesson two). If England chose to field three players instead of 11 in their next match and those three players were Geoff Capes, Boris Johnson and Limahl, they would still be ranked number one, even though they would clearly not be the best side.
Lesson two
The ODI rankings include only matches played in the last 12 months. Play crap teams for a year and you’ll do okay. Yes, they’re weighted so that you get more points for beating better teams, but this can be cannily exploited by a side like England. They invested many years in being rubbish at one-day cricket and therefore built up the ratings of all their opponents. They then played okay for a year, but got extra credit because everyone was supposed to be so much better than they were.
Lesson three
ODI rankings care little for context. A World Cup final win is worth the same as a Duckworth-Lewis victory in the seventh match of an already-decided series. But England lost 5-0 in India. Those were the only five matches they lost in 12 months: won 14, lost five. For their part, India won 17 and lost 10. That’s a worse record. It’s just cold, emotionless maths. But you’re missing the point – one-day rankings DO NOT MATTER. They measure something that is simply not worth measuring. You might as well rank sides for their fielding drills. India are world champions – they won the World Cup. All other one-day cricket falls somewhere between being World Cup preparation and just plain dicking about.
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