GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 40
April 2006
Relative Success I think that drawing the Indian test series can be considered a relative success, even if the Indians contributed significantly to their own downfall. The best news is that Fletch now has to accept that there are players outside his inner circle who can do the job for England. It is a vindication for the County Championship which produced Cook, Shah, Panesar, Udal and Anderson who all made significant contributions to the overall result. None of them were asked to help out in Pakistan where the inner group of contracted players was soundly beaten. In future perhaps Fletch will be less reluctant to call on un-centrally contracted players? Or will the bosses insist on those being paid centrally to turn out whether fit or not? Or will the pool of centrally contracted players be enlarged? Is there enough cash in the coffers for that to happen?
Something weird happened to the Indian team. They kept doing bizarre things:
1. At Nagpur in the last session after India had apparently saved the match Pathan and then Dhoni came out and started slogging as if they were trying to win the match. On the one hand this was a good tactical move since instead of England going through the motions during the last rites of the match and bowling say, Bell and Collingwood, they had to be on full alert with mainstream bowlers on full active duty. But on the other, in reality they could not win and if things had gone badly this could have resulted in a defeat for them which would have been a catastrophic start to the series.
2. At Mumbai they put England in to bat and never regained the initiative. They were surely not fearful of the depleted England pace attack, particularly with their much vaunted batting line up? We all know that you think about putting the other side in and then don’t do it, don’t we?
3. At Mumbai they went into the match with five bowlers. They don’t have a genuine all rounder although Pathan could well develop into one. This was bizarre since taking English wickets in the rest of the series had not been their weak point. Moreover they went into this test one up and as long as they batted a long time would have won the series.
4. The main reason that India didn’t lose the first test was because Mohammed Kaif played a long and patient innings of 90 when they were in the shit. They dropped him for the rest of the series.
5. VVS Laxman, one of India’s great current batsmen, failed at Nagpur and was then dropped for the rest of the series.
6. At Mumbai when India were set an improbable 300 odd to win and had an awkward half hour to bat on the fourth evening they sent Pathan out to open the innings in place of the injured Sehwag. Why did Dravid, who had opened throughout the successful Pakistan series, not do the job? Pathan was dismissed overnight and was succeeded by a night watchman, Kumble. This completely buggared up an already depleted batting order for the final day.
7. The Indian fielding is not their long suit and so it would have been good when Youvraj Singh, who is their best out fielder, returned for the second and third tests. However, instead of patrolling the covers or mid wicket area, whenever a short leg was required he found himself under the helmet. Unfortunately no one has ever explained to him the basics of fielding in this, perhaps the most specialist of all fielding positions. As the batsman plays his shot Youvraj jumps up in the air and into an upright position. This precludes him from ever laying a hand on the ball to say nothing of catching it. Anyone observing just the basics of short leg fielding would have picked up three or four of the chances he failed to even drop.
So who was behind this Indian madness? It’s hard to imagine that the mild and apparently sensible Dravid was the culprit. This really leaves just Greg Chappell who had already axed Ganguly from the scene. I don’t get the Indian papers and so don’t know what they have been saying about what for them was a lost series but sooner or later they will realise that he is on an ego trip with Indian cricket and when they turn on him his days will be severely numbered.
Out and About with the Professor The Professor toddled off to Mumbai for the third test in March and sent us this report
Nothing, as they say, prepares you for India. Nor did it. I’m not sure what might constitute an adequate preparation for five days at the Wankhede Stadium in Mumbai – perhaps a spell on the Western Front in charge of the latrines. While the playing surface seemed OK, the rest of the place was a squalid slum, with dirt and litter everywhere and numerous suspicious-looking pools of liquid. I will spare your readers’ sensitivities by even attempting to describe the toilets. The ramshackle scoreboard was hopeless and seldom agreed with a small electronic one on the other side of the ground. It would have given a cricketing pedant (assuming we knew such a person) apoplexy.
The crowd, however, was generally large and good-humoured – although the chant of “Flintoff, Fuck Off” was a new one to me and perhaps a little less than welcoming. There were more England supporters for the Mumbai test than for the other two plus, of course, the usual cadre of “celebrities” including: Bob Taylor, John Price, Norman Gifford, Gladstone Small, Robin Smith, Jack Bond and Nick Hancock (he of the irredeemably vulgar “They Think it’s All Over”).
The match, of course, was a triumph, and well worth the griminess of the surroundings. I think everyone felt that Flintoff did not deserve to be captain in a losing series, and he wasn’t. There were lots of plusses in the game: the return to form of Strauss and Anderson; Shah’s debut; and Udal’s bowling on the last day. On the debit side, Bell had a poor game and presumably will be under pressure for his place, especially if (and it seems to be a bit of an “if”) Trescothick becomes available to play again.
There was much debate in the unforgiving Indian press about Dravid’s decision to insert us – I assumed it was an attempt to win the series rather than the game but he denied that. His response: that if he had lost the toss they would have been fielding anyway, seems to set a new standard in lame excuses. Once Strauss and Shah settled in, India were always behind in the game (or playing “catch-up” as it is now fashionably puerile to say). Strauss, I think, fell to the temperature rather than the bowling. It was boiling hot and by mid afternoon (from a 10 o’clock start) he simply stopped scoring – it was a sort of batting equivalent of Jim Peters.
Shah looked much more at home than Bell. Middlesex watchers will know that he has a somewhat eccentric stance against the quicks and a quite different one for slow bowling. (What he does against medium pacers I couldn’t say). He must also hold the record for posing after he’s played his shot. But his 88 in two parts (he went off for cramp) together with Strauss and Flintoff, was the basis for the win.
The Indians were (fortunately) a bit of a disappointment with the possible exception of Sreesanth. He’s an odd package. He looks about 12. He’s not very tall and not very fast but he seems to do one thing well – namely bowling a full length outside off stump and moving the ball away. He got 5 wickets that were all, in effect, identical. Five batsmen pushed at the “corridor” ball and were caught behind if they got very little on it, or in the gully if a bit more. One might have thought that after the second or third time someone might have considered leaving it alone…but they didn’t. By comparison, Patel looks the complete fast bowler…but was less successful. Youvraj was the other player to catch the eye – a very classy performer.
On the subject of “catching”, the difference between the teams was enormous. My newspaper reckoned that India dropped 16 catches that, for once, seemed a restrained estimate. England (principally Monty) dropped three. Perhaps the biggest difference was behind the stumps. Jones, about whom you have been less than kind in the past, had a splendid game. He took a couple of spectacular catches standing back, and while “tidy” is not the most used word to describe Jones standing up, it is, in this game, the right one. I watched every ball bowled and there were only a very few blemishes – one from a poor throw-in and a couple that spat out of the rough on the last day.
Finally, I know that you have a long-standing concern about the welfare and performance of the Barmy Army. Sadly, I have to report that they were badly outclassed by the Mumbai crowd and for much of the match could scarcely be heard. This was in part due to the discovery that the “stadium” did not sell beer (in fact it didn’t sell anything much, and certainly nothing that you would want to buy). As a result the gallant lads holed-up at the Inter-Continental hotel, just round the corner, which had a giant lounge and TV screen and as much Kingfisher as they could get down their necks. So the Army only really appeared about mid-afternoon and, suitably refreshed, they took off almost all their clothes and exposed vast amounts of pink flesh to the sun – a sight familiar to those who visit the Nursery End at Lords on a sunny day. They then made the usual racket and general carry-on. Curiously, the Barmy Army did not join in the Mexican waves that are so popular with Indian crowds…I suppose they regard it as undignified.
All in all a great trip. Judith and I spent much of the week in the company of Mr. and Mrs. Jack Simmonds and, as a result, know a vast amount about Lancashire fish-and-chip shops and the alleged indiscretions of Frank Hayes. Jack, who is now the Lancashire Chairman, extends his hospitality to you and me when we visit Old Trafford next month.
Generous Offer Dick Crawshay, who is one of our resident men down under, is offering to help out any of our readers who are still planning to go to witness the defence of the Ashes later this year
With the Ashes tour coming up, it may be appropriate for me to offer some help. No! I don’t have an open door to tickets! They will be in huge demand, and whilst I’ve registered for the Sydney and Melbourne tests I’ll be extremely lucky to get any.
More to the point is that if anyone is planning to come to the Sydney New Year test I can check out location, quality etc of any accommodation they may have foisted on them. Naturally if they do plan on coming then I shall ensure a suitable get together at a convenient hostelry. I do know that one of my classmates is coming over, and there may be more.
Anyway if you want to offer my help in the next newsletter please do so, and give my email address.
Bush Matters
Ian Rocker Robinson kindly copied me in on a series of photos of the new Shepherds Bush pavilion. He tells me that it is due to open in April 06. I was delighted to receive these and thought that you would like to see it.
I then received the following notes from Peter Ray:
“I visited the SBCC new pavilion building last Sunday when there was a working party painting the interior walls and doing various carpentry work where walls need strengthening to deal with bar and cellar equipment and so forth. It is not a building of outstanding beauty, naturally, but it is well appointed in terms of showers etc and the main room is one which will be able to accommodate a similar number to the old pavilion for the revived SBCC dinner, always the best one on the circuit. I was thrilled and delighted to see it. Ninety-nine clubs out of a hundred would have folded with their problems but they are triumphant. As are Hornsey, of course, who also start the season with a new and excellent pavilion. I find it immensely cheering and it speaks volumes about the health of cricket in Middlesex.”
High Places
I first went to Lords in 1957, which is forty-nine years ago. I cannot explain why it has taken me so long or, indeed, why at this juncture I have decided to join the county club. Maybe I was just fed up with the Great Jack Morgan telling me things that had appeared in the club magazine, the Crusader, which I was not entitled to receive. Anyway now that I am a member I receive all sorts of bumph including a sheet that lists the six members of the MCCC General Committee for 2006. These are Angus Fraser, Ollie Brown, Simon Shepard (physiotherapist), Mark Lowrey (Brondesbury), John Kings( ex North London CC) and our very own Bob Peach, who was already secretary of the Middlesex Cricket Board. This puts Peachy in an excellent position to keep us informed about matters Middlesex upon which the rest of us can just speculate. Unless he decides to keep them to himself.
Ray’s Eight You may recall that Peter Ray promised to tell us about his eight LBW victims in his debut Middlesex League match as an umpire. I decided that his finger was probably healed by now and so asked him if he was ready to spill the beans. It turns out that he has been up to ears in high finance and skullduggery. This was his reply:
I have not been idle since we last communicated but, as you may be aware (or not - perhaps the latter), the Association of Cricket Umpires and Scorers - ACU&S - is in a serious state financially, just as was the CCC and for the same reason, namely the complete stupidity of Barrie King, who added the hyphen ten years ago to become Barrie Stuart-King. This may have been simple vanity or to avoid creditors. We do not know for sure although there is enough evidence around to suggest the creditor avoidance.
In last year's accounts, £100,000 appeared in our income as 'sponsorship' turning a £60K deficit into a £40K surplus. This got by our auditors on the strength of an invoice rendered to NACLCC, a company with £53 in the bank and subsequently dissolved, which invoice was duly cancelled out by a credit note just 18 days after the AGM. By then it had served its purpose, of course. The guarantee letter from NACLCC to the auditors had been signed by the self-appointed Chief Executive (the only executive, forsooth) of NACLCC, BS-K, at the time still chairman of ACU&S. Believe it or not the Institute of Chartered Accountants are still dragging their feet over dishing out some kind of reprimand to ISP Chartered Accountants, the loonies concerned, despite about twenty or so letters from me and at least one 'phone call from Miss Jane Mackenzie at Private Eye.
Despite this chicanery, the Stuart-King claque in the General Council believes, like a young audience watching Peter Pan, in the mythical powers of this fat fraudster. CCC made him redundant just in time to survive; ACU&S were not quick enough nor could we, the members, prevail over the Council majority. On the promise of the imagined sponsorship, BS-K entered into leases of IT equipment, laptops and projectors used in training, which has crippled ACU&S.
We have been battling to save the association but to little avail. It will go bankrupt very soon now. Tomorrow, at Lord's, we have what will almost certainly be the last AGM. I shall be fairly vocal and may also tell Lord Griffiths, chairing, his fortune. For more on this, go to our website www.cricketofficials.co.uk and to read about pie in the sky and denigration of myself, Keir Hopley and Charlie Puckett go to another website www.geocities.com/cricketofficials. These should explain why I have been somewhat occupied of late and, indeed, in the last year.
Sky Matters
The Professor, who was out on a photo call, sent me these notes:
“I spent a few days in London this week so was able, in my hotel room, to watch a reasonable chunk of the first couple of days on Sky. How much better it is than Channel 4 with those endless adverts. At least on Sky they are only every 4 or 5 overs not every other over and every wicket and every other conceivable gap in play.”
This reminded me that we can get on with proper test coverage this season courtesy of Sky. The benefits over last season will be:
a. There will be proper start times, not artificially early ones to ensure no interruption to Channel 4’s early evening soaps. This also should mean that there will be some early evening play when the light is usually excellent.
b. There will be no leaving the cricket to go and watch the 3.30 at Goodwood.
c. There will be full three hour highlight programmes at prime time in the evening for those who are unable to watch the cricket live, rather than the silly seventeen minutes just before the epilogue that Channel 4 were able to fit in.
Oh and lets not here any nonsense about children being unable to watch. They, like this winter’s Australians, will be able to watch it on their mobile phones.
Guts and Balls
Ken Molloy keeps me supplied daily with Internet matter including continental television ads, jokes about blondes, humorous political comment normally involving the good President Bush and perhaps most bizarrely the sort of photos that you would expect to find in magazines such as National Geographic. On a recent attachment at the end of a long list detailing the International Rules of Manhood he included the following critical distinction:
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.
"Guts" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"Balls" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
We hope this clears up any confusion.
Wisden Five The Professor, as usual, has been taking this annual topic seriously I have been pondering the great question – who will be the Wisden Five? As you have said the rules of the game seem to be the domestic season plus any outstanding efforts from our plucky lads overseas. No on gets chosen twice but quite often someone gets in from the county game and visiting captains (and/or stars) are not unknown. Last year the famous five were all English which was something of a rarity.
Of the triumphant eleven of last September, Pietersen, Bell, Jones, Collingwood and Hoggard have not got the award. Five of that Australian side is missing, of whom, I should have thought, Ponting and Lee are the most likely candidates. Jones the Ball is also absent.
The other touring team was, of course, Bangladesh, but it is difficult to see any of their players, including captain Bashar, getting in, and runs scored against them may not count for much - to Bell’s disadvantage. (I still have the image of Trescothick in the game at Durham in my mind – you see big hitting in Tests these days but his second 50 was just pure slogging). Possibles from the County scene might be Joyce and perhaps Fleming.
One other thought.
Had Flintoff been able to focus during his bus ride round London he would have seen behind him a busload of women. Could it just be possible that Clare Connor might be the first ever female recipient of the award? I can hear the choking sound from the Nursery End as I write, but at the risk of getting a corned beef sandwich stuck where it shouldn’t be, the MCC in particular have been pushing their equality credentials very hard in the last couple of years (so only 217 left to live down). But of course, the decision is being made by the editor of Wisden not the avant guarde of the Long Room. Indeed that’s another part of the problem – not who should get it, but whom will Engel pick.
My short list is therefore:
Pietersen (who must be this year’s “shoe-in”)
Jones the Ball (the other one can’t get it for holding on to one catch)
Hoggard (the yeoman vote)
Ponting (for letting us win and being so pleasant about young Master Pratt)
Lee (for seeming to be much nicer than he appears)
Joyce (for him at the Nursery End)
Fleming (for cheek)
and (whisper it gently) Connor.
We can’t have 8, so I’ll go for the first two, the two Aussies and…why not…Connor.
Unwelcome inhabitants
Here are ten things that you don’t want to find in your cricket bag when you open it at 1.30pm on Sunday:
Match Report
The following match took place on Sunday 8 July 1979 between South Hampstead 3A XI and Old Lyonians at a venue on Pinner Road.
I did not play in this game nor have ever spoken to anyone who was present at or played in this match. However, the statistics of the game have always fascinated me. In the 1970s South Hampstead had a large playing membership and the fixture list included three games on both Saturdays and Sundays throughout the season. However, when availability was particularly good there would be some playing members who were not selected and therefore, would not get a game. In these circumstances the fixture secretary, Ken James, would arrange an Extra 3rd XI fixture to accommodate these individuals. Available colts would accompany the full playing members on these occasions to make up the numbers. I believe that the side was called an Extra 3rd XI rather than a Fourth XI since at the CCC clearing house for last minute fixtures you were likely to get stronger opposition and, probably, better playing conditions if you used this nomenclature. Despite this proviso I am unable to give any indication of the strength of the Old Lyonians side on this occasion.
The South Hampstead side included only four names that mean anything to me now. A long serving member of the club with a pleasant disposition but wayward bowling action, Lindsay MacDougall, played and indeed may have skippered the side. The Old Uffingtonian, Andy Brooks, played as did Graham Jenkins, a colt, and an Australian doctor, Richard Stark.
South Hampstead batted first and Jenkins opened with Stark. Stark was a reasonable player but his professional duties made his availability unreliable and he often found himself in a side below his true capabilities. The South Hampstead innings lasted just thirty-four overs after which it was declared closed at 188 for 0. At this point Jenkins had accumulated a creditable, if somewhat slow, 25 not out. Stark, on the other hand had amassed an extraordinary 155 not out. His innings included 28 fours but no sixes and so was not a slogging bonanza in the modern idiom.
The Old Lyonians innings lasted for forty-six overs after which they won by one wicket. For South Hampstead MacDougall took three for 42 and A. John who had opened the bowling finished with four for forty-nine.
The two statistics which have always staggered me in this match is that a player in a half day game scored 155 not out and finished on the losing side and that South Hampstead lost a game in which they didn’t lose a wicket. I am sure that these instances are not unique but I cannot recall any similar occurrences.
Red Mist Matters
Those fortunate enough to be at Johannesburg for the fifth ODI between South Africa and Australia on March 12 witnessed an extraordinary day’s cricket, which re-wrote the record books for international one-day matches. Australia won the toss and elected to bat. They racked up an extraordinary 434 for 4 from their 50 overs. Gilchrist, Katich and Hussey all scored fifties but they were all overshadowed by a magnificent 164 from Ponting scored from just 105 balls. His innings featured nine sixes and twelve fours.
No side had previously scored 400 at this level and so the task facing South Africa was daunting to say the least. They needed to score at nearly nine an over from the start. However, when Smith was second out with the score on 190 they were ahead of the rate. When Gibbs was fourth out at 299 he had scored 175 from 111 balls with seven sixes and twenty-one fours. Boucher then had partnerships of over twenty with all of the next four batsmen. They actually only needed seven from the last over and although Hall was dismissed they won with a ball to spare.
Whilst Nathan Bracken returned the relatively respectable figures of 5 for 67, Mick Lewis conceded a record 113 from his ten overs. For the Red Mist enthusiast there were no less than 26 sixes scored during the match.
Strange Elevens
Last month’s Strange Eleven all had brothers who had played first class cricket, which qualified them for a sort of Fraternal Jazz Hat. Once again we are indebted to the Great Jack Morgan who has come up with yet another Strange Eleven to tease you with:
Sidath Wettimuny
Peter Roebuck
Nigel Briers
Phil Neale
Phil Bainbridge
Mark Alleyne
Geoff Humpage (w/k)
Jack Simmons
Ian Austin
Tim Munton
John Childs
Irritating Trends in Modern Cricket- number 36 Some commentators still haven’t learnt the art of keeping quiet in the Benaud mode. In order to fill up the airtime they develop, probably unconsciously, seemingly meaningful statements to justify their existence and make them sound worthy recipients of the salary and package Uncle Rupert pays them. Currently one of the favourites is to say regardless of the state of the match “the next session is going to be crucial”. Well of course it is. Every session is crucial. If batsmen score runs or bowlers take wickets or even if it rains it’s going to be crucial. There are fifteen sessions in a test match. Why don’t we all agree up front that each of them in their own way is going to be critical and then we can do away with the platitudes?
Googlies gets Published
Through the marvels of the Internet I have published the first twenty editions of Googlies & Chinamen in hardback book form. I have left the individual editions exactly as they were originally sent out, warts, errors and all. So those of you who so enjoy pointing out my errors can relive their excitement for a second time. If you would like a copy go onto www.lulu.com and type Googlies into the search box. The cost is $19.41 plus $12.88 postage and packing. If you would like to avoid the p&p I can bring copies to the UK and supply them at £15 each.
Earlier Editions
I will be please to email you a copy of the earlier editions of Googlies & Chinamen, if you missed or have mislaid them. If you received this edition through a third party, please send me your email address to ensure that you get on the main mailing list for future editions.
Googlies and Chinamen
is produced by
James Sharp
Broad Lee House
Combs
High Peak
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Tel: 01298 70237
Email: [email protected]
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 40
April 2006
Relative Success I think that drawing the Indian test series can be considered a relative success, even if the Indians contributed significantly to their own downfall. The best news is that Fletch now has to accept that there are players outside his inner circle who can do the job for England. It is a vindication for the County Championship which produced Cook, Shah, Panesar, Udal and Anderson who all made significant contributions to the overall result. None of them were asked to help out in Pakistan where the inner group of contracted players was soundly beaten. In future perhaps Fletch will be less reluctant to call on un-centrally contracted players? Or will the bosses insist on those being paid centrally to turn out whether fit or not? Or will the pool of centrally contracted players be enlarged? Is there enough cash in the coffers for that to happen?
Something weird happened to the Indian team. They kept doing bizarre things:
1. At Nagpur in the last session after India had apparently saved the match Pathan and then Dhoni came out and started slogging as if they were trying to win the match. On the one hand this was a good tactical move since instead of England going through the motions during the last rites of the match and bowling say, Bell and Collingwood, they had to be on full alert with mainstream bowlers on full active duty. But on the other, in reality they could not win and if things had gone badly this could have resulted in a defeat for them which would have been a catastrophic start to the series.
2. At Mumbai they put England in to bat and never regained the initiative. They were surely not fearful of the depleted England pace attack, particularly with their much vaunted batting line up? We all know that you think about putting the other side in and then don’t do it, don’t we?
3. At Mumbai they went into the match with five bowlers. They don’t have a genuine all rounder although Pathan could well develop into one. This was bizarre since taking English wickets in the rest of the series had not been their weak point. Moreover they went into this test one up and as long as they batted a long time would have won the series.
4. The main reason that India didn’t lose the first test was because Mohammed Kaif played a long and patient innings of 90 when they were in the shit. They dropped him for the rest of the series.
5. VVS Laxman, one of India’s great current batsmen, failed at Nagpur and was then dropped for the rest of the series.
6. At Mumbai when India were set an improbable 300 odd to win and had an awkward half hour to bat on the fourth evening they sent Pathan out to open the innings in place of the injured Sehwag. Why did Dravid, who had opened throughout the successful Pakistan series, not do the job? Pathan was dismissed overnight and was succeeded by a night watchman, Kumble. This completely buggared up an already depleted batting order for the final day.
7. The Indian fielding is not their long suit and so it would have been good when Youvraj Singh, who is their best out fielder, returned for the second and third tests. However, instead of patrolling the covers or mid wicket area, whenever a short leg was required he found himself under the helmet. Unfortunately no one has ever explained to him the basics of fielding in this, perhaps the most specialist of all fielding positions. As the batsman plays his shot Youvraj jumps up in the air and into an upright position. This precludes him from ever laying a hand on the ball to say nothing of catching it. Anyone observing just the basics of short leg fielding would have picked up three or four of the chances he failed to even drop.
So who was behind this Indian madness? It’s hard to imagine that the mild and apparently sensible Dravid was the culprit. This really leaves just Greg Chappell who had already axed Ganguly from the scene. I don’t get the Indian papers and so don’t know what they have been saying about what for them was a lost series but sooner or later they will realise that he is on an ego trip with Indian cricket and when they turn on him his days will be severely numbered.
Out and About with the Professor The Professor toddled off to Mumbai for the third test in March and sent us this report
Nothing, as they say, prepares you for India. Nor did it. I’m not sure what might constitute an adequate preparation for five days at the Wankhede Stadium in Mumbai – perhaps a spell on the Western Front in charge of the latrines. While the playing surface seemed OK, the rest of the place was a squalid slum, with dirt and litter everywhere and numerous suspicious-looking pools of liquid. I will spare your readers’ sensitivities by even attempting to describe the toilets. The ramshackle scoreboard was hopeless and seldom agreed with a small electronic one on the other side of the ground. It would have given a cricketing pedant (assuming we knew such a person) apoplexy.
The crowd, however, was generally large and good-humoured – although the chant of “Flintoff, Fuck Off” was a new one to me and perhaps a little less than welcoming. There were more England supporters for the Mumbai test than for the other two plus, of course, the usual cadre of “celebrities” including: Bob Taylor, John Price, Norman Gifford, Gladstone Small, Robin Smith, Jack Bond and Nick Hancock (he of the irredeemably vulgar “They Think it’s All Over”).
The match, of course, was a triumph, and well worth the griminess of the surroundings. I think everyone felt that Flintoff did not deserve to be captain in a losing series, and he wasn’t. There were lots of plusses in the game: the return to form of Strauss and Anderson; Shah’s debut; and Udal’s bowling on the last day. On the debit side, Bell had a poor game and presumably will be under pressure for his place, especially if (and it seems to be a bit of an “if”) Trescothick becomes available to play again.
There was much debate in the unforgiving Indian press about Dravid’s decision to insert us – I assumed it was an attempt to win the series rather than the game but he denied that. His response: that if he had lost the toss they would have been fielding anyway, seems to set a new standard in lame excuses. Once Strauss and Shah settled in, India were always behind in the game (or playing “catch-up” as it is now fashionably puerile to say). Strauss, I think, fell to the temperature rather than the bowling. It was boiling hot and by mid afternoon (from a 10 o’clock start) he simply stopped scoring – it was a sort of batting equivalent of Jim Peters.
Shah looked much more at home than Bell. Middlesex watchers will know that he has a somewhat eccentric stance against the quicks and a quite different one for slow bowling. (What he does against medium pacers I couldn’t say). He must also hold the record for posing after he’s played his shot. But his 88 in two parts (he went off for cramp) together with Strauss and Flintoff, was the basis for the win.
The Indians were (fortunately) a bit of a disappointment with the possible exception of Sreesanth. He’s an odd package. He looks about 12. He’s not very tall and not very fast but he seems to do one thing well – namely bowling a full length outside off stump and moving the ball away. He got 5 wickets that were all, in effect, identical. Five batsmen pushed at the “corridor” ball and were caught behind if they got very little on it, or in the gully if a bit more. One might have thought that after the second or third time someone might have considered leaving it alone…but they didn’t. By comparison, Patel looks the complete fast bowler…but was less successful. Youvraj was the other player to catch the eye – a very classy performer.
On the subject of “catching”, the difference between the teams was enormous. My newspaper reckoned that India dropped 16 catches that, for once, seemed a restrained estimate. England (principally Monty) dropped three. Perhaps the biggest difference was behind the stumps. Jones, about whom you have been less than kind in the past, had a splendid game. He took a couple of spectacular catches standing back, and while “tidy” is not the most used word to describe Jones standing up, it is, in this game, the right one. I watched every ball bowled and there were only a very few blemishes – one from a poor throw-in and a couple that spat out of the rough on the last day.
Finally, I know that you have a long-standing concern about the welfare and performance of the Barmy Army. Sadly, I have to report that they were badly outclassed by the Mumbai crowd and for much of the match could scarcely be heard. This was in part due to the discovery that the “stadium” did not sell beer (in fact it didn’t sell anything much, and certainly nothing that you would want to buy). As a result the gallant lads holed-up at the Inter-Continental hotel, just round the corner, which had a giant lounge and TV screen and as much Kingfisher as they could get down their necks. So the Army only really appeared about mid-afternoon and, suitably refreshed, they took off almost all their clothes and exposed vast amounts of pink flesh to the sun – a sight familiar to those who visit the Nursery End at Lords on a sunny day. They then made the usual racket and general carry-on. Curiously, the Barmy Army did not join in the Mexican waves that are so popular with Indian crowds…I suppose they regard it as undignified.
All in all a great trip. Judith and I spent much of the week in the company of Mr. and Mrs. Jack Simmonds and, as a result, know a vast amount about Lancashire fish-and-chip shops and the alleged indiscretions of Frank Hayes. Jack, who is now the Lancashire Chairman, extends his hospitality to you and me when we visit Old Trafford next month.
Generous Offer Dick Crawshay, who is one of our resident men down under, is offering to help out any of our readers who are still planning to go to witness the defence of the Ashes later this year
With the Ashes tour coming up, it may be appropriate for me to offer some help. No! I don’t have an open door to tickets! They will be in huge demand, and whilst I’ve registered for the Sydney and Melbourne tests I’ll be extremely lucky to get any.
More to the point is that if anyone is planning to come to the Sydney New Year test I can check out location, quality etc of any accommodation they may have foisted on them. Naturally if they do plan on coming then I shall ensure a suitable get together at a convenient hostelry. I do know that one of my classmates is coming over, and there may be more.
Anyway if you want to offer my help in the next newsletter please do so, and give my email address.
Bush Matters
Ian Rocker Robinson kindly copied me in on a series of photos of the new Shepherds Bush pavilion. He tells me that it is due to open in April 06. I was delighted to receive these and thought that you would like to see it.
I then received the following notes from Peter Ray:
“I visited the SBCC new pavilion building last Sunday when there was a working party painting the interior walls and doing various carpentry work where walls need strengthening to deal with bar and cellar equipment and so forth. It is not a building of outstanding beauty, naturally, but it is well appointed in terms of showers etc and the main room is one which will be able to accommodate a similar number to the old pavilion for the revived SBCC dinner, always the best one on the circuit. I was thrilled and delighted to see it. Ninety-nine clubs out of a hundred would have folded with their problems but they are triumphant. As are Hornsey, of course, who also start the season with a new and excellent pavilion. I find it immensely cheering and it speaks volumes about the health of cricket in Middlesex.”
High Places
I first went to Lords in 1957, which is forty-nine years ago. I cannot explain why it has taken me so long or, indeed, why at this juncture I have decided to join the county club. Maybe I was just fed up with the Great Jack Morgan telling me things that had appeared in the club magazine, the Crusader, which I was not entitled to receive. Anyway now that I am a member I receive all sorts of bumph including a sheet that lists the six members of the MCCC General Committee for 2006. These are Angus Fraser, Ollie Brown, Simon Shepard (physiotherapist), Mark Lowrey (Brondesbury), John Kings( ex North London CC) and our very own Bob Peach, who was already secretary of the Middlesex Cricket Board. This puts Peachy in an excellent position to keep us informed about matters Middlesex upon which the rest of us can just speculate. Unless he decides to keep them to himself.
Ray’s Eight You may recall that Peter Ray promised to tell us about his eight LBW victims in his debut Middlesex League match as an umpire. I decided that his finger was probably healed by now and so asked him if he was ready to spill the beans. It turns out that he has been up to ears in high finance and skullduggery. This was his reply:
I have not been idle since we last communicated but, as you may be aware (or not - perhaps the latter), the Association of Cricket Umpires and Scorers - ACU&S - is in a serious state financially, just as was the CCC and for the same reason, namely the complete stupidity of Barrie King, who added the hyphen ten years ago to become Barrie Stuart-King. This may have been simple vanity or to avoid creditors. We do not know for sure although there is enough evidence around to suggest the creditor avoidance.
In last year's accounts, £100,000 appeared in our income as 'sponsorship' turning a £60K deficit into a £40K surplus. This got by our auditors on the strength of an invoice rendered to NACLCC, a company with £53 in the bank and subsequently dissolved, which invoice was duly cancelled out by a credit note just 18 days after the AGM. By then it had served its purpose, of course. The guarantee letter from NACLCC to the auditors had been signed by the self-appointed Chief Executive (the only executive, forsooth) of NACLCC, BS-K, at the time still chairman of ACU&S. Believe it or not the Institute of Chartered Accountants are still dragging their feet over dishing out some kind of reprimand to ISP Chartered Accountants, the loonies concerned, despite about twenty or so letters from me and at least one 'phone call from Miss Jane Mackenzie at Private Eye.
Despite this chicanery, the Stuart-King claque in the General Council believes, like a young audience watching Peter Pan, in the mythical powers of this fat fraudster. CCC made him redundant just in time to survive; ACU&S were not quick enough nor could we, the members, prevail over the Council majority. On the promise of the imagined sponsorship, BS-K entered into leases of IT equipment, laptops and projectors used in training, which has crippled ACU&S.
We have been battling to save the association but to little avail. It will go bankrupt very soon now. Tomorrow, at Lord's, we have what will almost certainly be the last AGM. I shall be fairly vocal and may also tell Lord Griffiths, chairing, his fortune. For more on this, go to our website www.cricketofficials.co.uk and to read about pie in the sky and denigration of myself, Keir Hopley and Charlie Puckett go to another website www.geocities.com/cricketofficials. These should explain why I have been somewhat occupied of late and, indeed, in the last year.
Sky Matters
The Professor, who was out on a photo call, sent me these notes:
“I spent a few days in London this week so was able, in my hotel room, to watch a reasonable chunk of the first couple of days on Sky. How much better it is than Channel 4 with those endless adverts. At least on Sky they are only every 4 or 5 overs not every other over and every wicket and every other conceivable gap in play.”
This reminded me that we can get on with proper test coverage this season courtesy of Sky. The benefits over last season will be:
a. There will be proper start times, not artificially early ones to ensure no interruption to Channel 4’s early evening soaps. This also should mean that there will be some early evening play when the light is usually excellent.
b. There will be no leaving the cricket to go and watch the 3.30 at Goodwood.
c. There will be full three hour highlight programmes at prime time in the evening for those who are unable to watch the cricket live, rather than the silly seventeen minutes just before the epilogue that Channel 4 were able to fit in.
Oh and lets not here any nonsense about children being unable to watch. They, like this winter’s Australians, will be able to watch it on their mobile phones.
Guts and Balls
Ken Molloy keeps me supplied daily with Internet matter including continental television ads, jokes about blondes, humorous political comment normally involving the good President Bush and perhaps most bizarrely the sort of photos that you would expect to find in magazines such as National Geographic. On a recent attachment at the end of a long list detailing the International Rules of Manhood he included the following critical distinction:
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.
"Guts" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"Balls" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
We hope this clears up any confusion.
Wisden Five The Professor, as usual, has been taking this annual topic seriously I have been pondering the great question – who will be the Wisden Five? As you have said the rules of the game seem to be the domestic season plus any outstanding efforts from our plucky lads overseas. No on gets chosen twice but quite often someone gets in from the county game and visiting captains (and/or stars) are not unknown. Last year the famous five were all English which was something of a rarity.
Of the triumphant eleven of last September, Pietersen, Bell, Jones, Collingwood and Hoggard have not got the award. Five of that Australian side is missing, of whom, I should have thought, Ponting and Lee are the most likely candidates. Jones the Ball is also absent.
The other touring team was, of course, Bangladesh, but it is difficult to see any of their players, including captain Bashar, getting in, and runs scored against them may not count for much - to Bell’s disadvantage. (I still have the image of Trescothick in the game at Durham in my mind – you see big hitting in Tests these days but his second 50 was just pure slogging). Possibles from the County scene might be Joyce and perhaps Fleming.
One other thought.
Had Flintoff been able to focus during his bus ride round London he would have seen behind him a busload of women. Could it just be possible that Clare Connor might be the first ever female recipient of the award? I can hear the choking sound from the Nursery End as I write, but at the risk of getting a corned beef sandwich stuck where it shouldn’t be, the MCC in particular have been pushing their equality credentials very hard in the last couple of years (so only 217 left to live down). But of course, the decision is being made by the editor of Wisden not the avant guarde of the Long Room. Indeed that’s another part of the problem – not who should get it, but whom will Engel pick.
My short list is therefore:
Pietersen (who must be this year’s “shoe-in”)
Jones the Ball (the other one can’t get it for holding on to one catch)
Hoggard (the yeoman vote)
Ponting (for letting us win and being so pleasant about young Master Pratt)
Lee (for seeming to be much nicer than he appears)
Joyce (for him at the Nursery End)
Fleming (for cheek)
and (whisper it gently) Connor.
We can’t have 8, so I’ll go for the first two, the two Aussies and…why not…Connor.
Unwelcome inhabitants
Here are ten things that you don’t want to find in your cricket bag when you open it at 1.30pm on Sunday:
- No jock strap
- Someone else’s jock strap
- A traffic cone
- A Styrofoam box containing half a beef vindaloo
- A fixture card that shows that the match is away not at home as you had thought
- Don Wallis’ socks
- An opened can of beer
- A Wonderbra
- The cat
Match Report
The following match took place on Sunday 8 July 1979 between South Hampstead 3A XI and Old Lyonians at a venue on Pinner Road.
I did not play in this game nor have ever spoken to anyone who was present at or played in this match. However, the statistics of the game have always fascinated me. In the 1970s South Hampstead had a large playing membership and the fixture list included three games on both Saturdays and Sundays throughout the season. However, when availability was particularly good there would be some playing members who were not selected and therefore, would not get a game. In these circumstances the fixture secretary, Ken James, would arrange an Extra 3rd XI fixture to accommodate these individuals. Available colts would accompany the full playing members on these occasions to make up the numbers. I believe that the side was called an Extra 3rd XI rather than a Fourth XI since at the CCC clearing house for last minute fixtures you were likely to get stronger opposition and, probably, better playing conditions if you used this nomenclature. Despite this proviso I am unable to give any indication of the strength of the Old Lyonians side on this occasion.
The South Hampstead side included only four names that mean anything to me now. A long serving member of the club with a pleasant disposition but wayward bowling action, Lindsay MacDougall, played and indeed may have skippered the side. The Old Uffingtonian, Andy Brooks, played as did Graham Jenkins, a colt, and an Australian doctor, Richard Stark.
South Hampstead batted first and Jenkins opened with Stark. Stark was a reasonable player but his professional duties made his availability unreliable and he often found himself in a side below his true capabilities. The South Hampstead innings lasted just thirty-four overs after which it was declared closed at 188 for 0. At this point Jenkins had accumulated a creditable, if somewhat slow, 25 not out. Stark, on the other hand had amassed an extraordinary 155 not out. His innings included 28 fours but no sixes and so was not a slogging bonanza in the modern idiom.
The Old Lyonians innings lasted for forty-six overs after which they won by one wicket. For South Hampstead MacDougall took three for 42 and A. John who had opened the bowling finished with four for forty-nine.
The two statistics which have always staggered me in this match is that a player in a half day game scored 155 not out and finished on the losing side and that South Hampstead lost a game in which they didn’t lose a wicket. I am sure that these instances are not unique but I cannot recall any similar occurrences.
Red Mist Matters
Those fortunate enough to be at Johannesburg for the fifth ODI between South Africa and Australia on March 12 witnessed an extraordinary day’s cricket, which re-wrote the record books for international one-day matches. Australia won the toss and elected to bat. They racked up an extraordinary 434 for 4 from their 50 overs. Gilchrist, Katich and Hussey all scored fifties but they were all overshadowed by a magnificent 164 from Ponting scored from just 105 balls. His innings featured nine sixes and twelve fours.
No side had previously scored 400 at this level and so the task facing South Africa was daunting to say the least. They needed to score at nearly nine an over from the start. However, when Smith was second out with the score on 190 they were ahead of the rate. When Gibbs was fourth out at 299 he had scored 175 from 111 balls with seven sixes and twenty-one fours. Boucher then had partnerships of over twenty with all of the next four batsmen. They actually only needed seven from the last over and although Hall was dismissed they won with a ball to spare.
Whilst Nathan Bracken returned the relatively respectable figures of 5 for 67, Mick Lewis conceded a record 113 from his ten overs. For the Red Mist enthusiast there were no less than 26 sixes scored during the match.
Strange Elevens
Last month’s Strange Eleven all had brothers who had played first class cricket, which qualified them for a sort of Fraternal Jazz Hat. Once again we are indebted to the Great Jack Morgan who has come up with yet another Strange Eleven to tease you with:
Sidath Wettimuny
Peter Roebuck
Nigel Briers
Phil Neale
Phil Bainbridge
Mark Alleyne
Geoff Humpage (w/k)
Jack Simmons
Ian Austin
Tim Munton
John Childs
Irritating Trends in Modern Cricket- number 36 Some commentators still haven’t learnt the art of keeping quiet in the Benaud mode. In order to fill up the airtime they develop, probably unconsciously, seemingly meaningful statements to justify their existence and make them sound worthy recipients of the salary and package Uncle Rupert pays them. Currently one of the favourites is to say regardless of the state of the match “the next session is going to be crucial”. Well of course it is. Every session is crucial. If batsmen score runs or bowlers take wickets or even if it rains it’s going to be crucial. There are fifteen sessions in a test match. Why don’t we all agree up front that each of them in their own way is going to be critical and then we can do away with the platitudes?
Googlies gets Published
Through the marvels of the Internet I have published the first twenty editions of Googlies & Chinamen in hardback book form. I have left the individual editions exactly as they were originally sent out, warts, errors and all. So those of you who so enjoy pointing out my errors can relive their excitement for a second time. If you would like a copy go onto www.lulu.com and type Googlies into the search box. The cost is $19.41 plus $12.88 postage and packing. If you would like to avoid the p&p I can bring copies to the UK and supply them at £15 each.
Earlier Editions
I will be please to email you a copy of the earlier editions of Googlies & Chinamen, if you missed or have mislaid them. If you received this edition through a third party, please send me your email address to ensure that you get on the main mailing list for future editions.
Googlies and Chinamen
is produced by
James Sharp
Broad Lee House
Combs
High Peak
SK23 9XA
Tel: 01298 70237
Email: [email protected]
