GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 32
August 2005
Reflections on Lords
It was worse than even I had imagined. Beaten by 239 runs in under ten sessions amounted to no less than a thrashing. And this is despite the fact that Australia was bowled out twice during this time. England batted for just 106 overs, which means they were bowled out twice in just over a day’s scheduled play.
England’s batsmen were vulnerable against pace on a wicket that did little and they were all totally bemused by Hamburger. It’s just as well that he no longer has a googly but on the other hand he doesn’t appear to need it. Our latest South African looked in a different class, by some way, to the other English batsmen and when he was given not out by Rudy Koetzen when plum LBW to Lee’s full toss he demonstrated that he also has the invaluable attribute of good fortune on his side. The England tail looked even more inept and although there was a breezy wag in the first innings for a couple of overs it completely failed to trouble the scorers in the second.
On Friday afternoon Jones the Glove started to drop balls standing back when the batsmen were leaving them. He was also fumbling throw-ins. It was no surprise that by Saturday morning he started shelling chances. The frying pan that he stuck out to the first one would have disgraced even a West Indian keeper. You don’t become an international class wicket keeper by practising hard. You need to get experience in the middle and no good side can afford to wait for you to get it. The same of course goes for off spin. At least we were spared the calls for Vaughan to bowl. If they want him to be a test match bowler they must find somewhere for him to go and practise this craft. Perhaps he should take Jones the Glove with him.
On the Sunday morning I spoke to Bob Peach who wanted to talk about the captaincy and the bowling, and he knows about these things. He was apoplectic about Vaughan’s negative captaincy in the Aussie’s second innings and the inability of the bowlers to be able to bowl to the fields that he set. Jones the Ball looked the best of the bunch on Saturday morning but on Friday every over seemed to start with a loosener that was duly despatched for four.
I had been expecting Giles’ ultra negative over the wicket crap to be sorted out by the left-handers. In the event two right-handers, Clarke and Martyn, treated us on Friday afternoon to a delightful display of footwork coupled with some immaculate on-driving that forced Giles into reverting to the orthodox style round the wicket. Before the match several experts in man for man assessments gave Gilo 7/10 and Hamburger 8/10. This must have been for personal hygiene since it clearly had nothing to do with bowling. Over the years Giles has failed to cut it as an orthodox slow left armer and so England may need to send the scouts out to search for a new one, before the summer is out.
In an effort to make excuses for Pieterson’s dropped catches some pundits claimed that his catching record is excellent in the deep but close to the wicket he suffers from electric hands. Does anyone buy this bollox? If so my bowling must have suffered from nuclear fallout.
Making wholesale changes won’t help England’s cause and they will have better matches this summer but they now have a mountain to climb to come out of this series with even their self-respect intact let alone any victories under their belt.
Ager on tour
Robin Ager reports from a visit to Harmistonshire
I went to Durham for the first day against Bangladesh. Why? Because, with a small group of ex-work colleagues, I wanted to complete a full set of visits to English test grounds. I won’t bore you with the cricket, as you will have seen that. The ground still seemed a “work in progress”, and had an atmosphere rather like a Bank Holiday funfair. The signs to the stands were not clearly in evidence, and the stewards weren’t much help. On the other hand, there was an acceptable hand-pump beer available, Deuchars, and food outlets seemed adequate. All in all, not the worst Test ground in England: that’s comfortably Old Trafford. We were not impressed by Chester-le-Street itself, but spent a couple of pleasant evenings drinking in Durham.
Pots and Kettles
I have been known in these pages to criticise the fancy dress that appears on some test match grounds these days. I hadn’t realised where it all emanated from until I went to the Lords test with MCC member, Steve Thompson, as his guest. Aware that the MCC imposes some minimum dress code requirements I thought that I had better check with Steve ahead of the day. This was his reply:
“Nobody does dress code like MCC - we’ll be in the Members' Friends' Enclosures- probably the Warner Stand and the regulations are as follows, ' ...casual trousers or shorts are acceptable provided they are reasonably smart. Jackets are not required, but neat shirts with collars, or polo shirts or sweaters should be worn...........garments considered unsuitable include the following: cycling shorts or shorts usually worn for playing sport, beach wear, sleeveless shirts or singlets, flip flop shoes, ripped or badly worn jeans, garments in military camouflage colours and track suits. Bare feet, bare torsos or bare midriffs are not permitted under any circumstances.' Do you think your wardrobe is up to this?” I jovially replied: “It’s pity I can't wear my new military camouflage hot pants and matching singlet in the ground. Is there somewhere to change before we go in?”
It was only when I got there that I appreciated that the apparently highly restrictive dress code nevertheless allows the MCC members to parade a quite extraordinary array of eccentric and, frankly, vulgar attire. As if the egg and bacon club tie were not loud enough on its own the club’s tailors have incorporated the red and yellow into a whole range of, apparently, acceptable items of clothing - blazers, waistcoats, braces, straw trilbies and caps. For those whose complexions clash with the red and yellow, they are permitted to wear blazers in any other combination of colour and in some cases incorporating all the colours. So the next time you are irritated by guys in Batman outfits don’t forget who started it all.
Fancy dress Lords style
Middlesex Matters The Great Jack Morgan sent me this mid term report
I am not happy about the situation regarding the overseas players at Middlesex. Pathan appears to have gone and presumably Styris is going too because other counties are making plans to replace their Kiwis. Hayward has not yet returned although he did turn up at Southgate on Friday and, briefly, fielded sub as well as hurling a few down during the tea interval, but there seems to be no news about replacement signings. We cannot afford to be complacent about the relegation situation. Styris has been a big disappointment with the bat and he was no better in the Hants game. His average of 25 is even lower than Hutton’s and is unsatisfactory; on the other hand, his 22 wickets at 28 is an unexpected bonus and is second only to Richardson. What is to be done? If they sign a batter who can bowl a bit (Styris) he turns out to be a better bowler, while if they sign a bowler who can bat a bit (Pathan) he turns out to be a better bat! Two more bowlers now have a wickets total in double figures! Bettsy has 13 at 32 and Pepsi has 11 at 27, though Pepsi’s total includes three against Cambridge. It’s pathetic, isn’t it?
In the game against Hampshire at Southgate, Hampshire made as big a hash of their second innings as Middlesex had done of their first. The wicket was starting to give a little assistance to the spinners, but the Hampshire batsmen treated the spin twins Peploe and Dalrymple who had taken a combined total of two Championship wickets between them this season before this match as if they were Laker and Lock bowling on an uncovered flyer at the Oval in the mid-fifties. The dynamic duo of Peploe and Dalrymple shared seven wickets between them and bundled Hants out for 192. So will Dalrymple and Peploe become the new Titmus and Edmonds or Emburey and Tufnell? It would be great if they could, of course, but many tougher examinations than Hants were able to provide are awaiting them.
Robin Ager is also concerned about progress at Lords
The second day of the Middlesex-Gloucester game at Lord’s was depressing, Middlesex’s toothless attack (Richardson honourably excepted) being made to look respectable by some appalling batting by the visitors. I convinced myself that the game was heading for the most boring of draws, only to learn that Gloucester had batted even more poorly in the second innings to present the match to Middlesex. I doubt that the odds on Gloucester being relegated are very enticing, and I fear Middlesex are also for the drop. Of the other newcomers, Smith hasn’t really got going, Styris hasn’t got the class to make a difference, and Betts is “money for old rope”.
Averages
The Great Jack Morgan complained to me:
Ed Joyce is top of the averages as far as I am aware, but it is getting increasingly difficult to know about such things; the Wisden Cricketer, Guardian and Indy have all given up publishing averages: do you know why? Does the Times print them? Teletext is my only source of information.
I for once knew the answer:
The averages appear in the Sunday Times each week although the qualifications are a bit odd. To enable the test players to be included the qualifying number of innings is minimal and anyone who gets a wicket seems to go in the list. At least they don’t give priority to a one-day list yet which could well come in. Tim de Lisle was writing that strike rates are more important than averages in one-day cricket and went on for a whole article that they should be the mark of one-day achievement. He was also at pains to point out that averages are easily boosted by not outs in this cricket, viz Pieterson. What he failed to do was mention that it is only any good having a high strike rate if you stay at the wicket long enough to score some runs. The six and out boys have great strike rates but their contribution, whilst possibly entertaining, is minimal. You may also find the averages in the Telegraph but since no one reads this rag we shall never find out.
Slopes and so on The Professor is starting to feel mathematically challenged
You know that "I wish I'd never started this" feeling? Well...I wish I'd never started this. You will recall that I doubted that the Lords slope had as big an effect on the ball as was claimed since it seemed a very small amount of about 3m in 150m width of the ground. My friend George tells me that I have obviously forgotten my school trigonometry, which is undoubtedly true since I can't refute his findings - nor, you will be amazed to know, could anyone at the Lifer's Lunch - even before the port.
Well, a sphere touches a plane at a single point and that point is, in effect, on the hypotenuse of a triangle with sides of 3m and 150m respectively. The tangent of the angle of elevation is given, as all your readers will know, by opposite over adjacent, i.e. the tan of 3 divided by 150 = 1.15. The ball dropped on the sloping surface will reflect at 2tan, i.e 2.3. A 2.3 deflection pitched at say 4 yards before the stumps would, according to George, give a 5.76 inch difference from the trajectory of a straight ball at the stumps. Is this right? Can anyone remember this stuff? I recall Dr Matthews reciting sine, cosine and tangent equations in the Prefects’ Room - I wonder if he can still do his sums?
This got me thinking
Suppose that there actually is something in this slope business after all? In Athletics records don’t count if, for instance, they are produced under conditions where they were wind assisted. This got me reviewing the grounds on which I had played most of my cricket to see if geomorphic factors could account for any of my dismissals. At Du Cane Road and at Shepherds Bush the squares were completely flat and any deviation of the ball was due to atmospherics, the uncovered nature of the wicket or even, perhaps, the bowler’s skill.
However, the square at South Hampstead was both flat and sloping. At the pavilion side it was flat but about a third of the way across it started to slope down towards the tennis courts. Therefore, the slope may have unfairly assisted certain dismissals on wickets pitched on the tennis court side of the square. I have decided to introduce a unique service to batsmen who have appeared at South Hampstead over the years to have their dismissals formally reviewed. Suitable dismissals for review include:
Right-handed batsmen:
Bowled or LBW from the Milverton Road end when the delivery was allegedly off-cutter or off-spin.
Caught behind (outside edge) when the bowler was from the Sidmouth Road end if away swinger, leg cutter or slow left arm.
Left-handed Batsmen:
The reverse of the above.
It is important that when you make your application for review you state approximately what position on the square the wicket was pitched for each dismissal you want considered - no cheating on this, I will be checking with Stan Berry’s pitch log.
After I have reviewed each specific dismissal I shall make an absolute assessment of whether it was unfairly assisted by the slope. Where such a pronouncement is made you will be entitled for career batting record purposes to treat that innings as “not out”. Those who have only appeared occasionally at South Hampstead will simply feel better about their experience on the ground, whilst regular performers there could dramatically improve their batting averages.
No reviews can be carried out of dubious run out or stumping decisions and the Legendary Len Stubbs can forget about asking for a review of his being caught at backward short leg because “there shouldn’t have been a fielder there”. The slope clearly cannot be blamed for any of these dismissals.
A modest £5 Review Fee should accompany all applications. Refunds can be obtained if applicants can recall any of the decisions against me that might fall into the above categories.
I suppose that there may be a few bowlers out there who think that there were occasions when the slope dragged perfectly straight deliveries unfairly down the leg side thereby robbing them of well-deserved wickets. Well too bad. I am not in the business of helping you guys out. You had it too easy anyway.
Absentee or perhaps just Daft Journalism The Great Jack Morgan sent me this puzzling titbit:
There was a nice report by John Collis in this morning’s Guardian, in which he says that the Middlesex/Hampshire game at Southgate was a “wonderful match”, that Ben Scott saw “red mist” and that the crowd had “just two hours of cricket yesterday and every minute was a thriller”. He also referred to JWM Dalrymple as “tiny”, which caused me to check his dimensions in the Cricketer’s Who’s Who, where he is described as six feet tall and thirteen and a half stone!
Cricket Fixture Hell The Great Jack Morgan has been up in arms over the lack of real cricket
What a nightmare the fixture list is in late June and early July! There is no real cricket on at all. There is the never-ending sequence of ODIs, which hold little interest or there is the 20-over junior house match competition, which holds even less interest. There are 19 consecutive days in mid-summer when there is no first class cricket to see at all, except for the Varsity match. During this period, I have so far seen two days of minor counties cricket at Beaconsfield and I hope to have another day with the minors at Finchampstead plus a couple of second XI days at Ealing and Cheam. It’s pathetic. This should be the height of the season. Then they will try to tell us that they play too much. Too much limited overs crap in my opinion.
I agreed with him but tried, as usual, to come up with a constructive solution
I agree that it is crazy having no proper cricket during the middle of the summer. The County Championship will soon have to be extended into November to accommodate all the slog fest stuff. If Twenty20 is gaining in popularity and people like to watch it around Coronation Street then maybe it should be played whilst four-day games are in progress. The four-day game could have a revision in playing hours to finish by say 5.30 and the slog stuff could start at, say, 6.30 and it could still be over by 9pm. If anyone was tired from their exertions in the real stuff the counties could use other staff players to perform in the twilight. There would be no problems with admission and re-admission since those at the day cricket could stay on if they wished and there aren’t too many of them, whilst the slug fest gang could pay just for that. I suspect it’s a substantially different bunch anyway.
Dream Teams Revisited
Bill Hart nagged me to get Robin Ager to send me his South Hampstead dream team from the sixties. I wasn’t optimistic of a response and so suggested that he might like to select a dream mid week side. The key thing was to upset Bill by leaving him out. Robin replied:
You recently asked me to respond to Bill’s challenge to name my best South Hampstead team. I have not done so, because I only played regularly for the club from 1963 to 1968, and the team more or less picked itself during that time: so that would have to be my selection. Bill joined before me and played a few seasons after I left, so he would have had a wider choice. I haven’t gone through the back issues of Googlies to remind myself of his team, but I’m sure I would agree with it. With Bill, I’ve always found that is the best option. And yes, he would have sneaked into my selection. As for a mid-week side, I’d go for any team brought together by Jim Franklin. Fun guaranteed.
Bats The Professor noticed an article about modern bats
The Guardian had an article last week about bats. It seems they are much more springy than in our time because they are less compressed. The tale was of Barry Richards in the South African dressing room, picking up Gibbs’ bat and tapping a ball on the blade that flew of it and hit the ceiling. Less compression, so it seems, gives the bat a lot more spring (like the illegal golf drivers) but much less durability. They spring very nicely but break very easily. Gibbs has apparently adopted the practice of numbering his bats for the season. Richards reckoned that he used three or four bats in a season; the number on Gibbs’ bat was 47.
My concern is who has to carry the bags for these guys nowadays? Not like it was in our day Steve Thompson sent me this alarming note about modern practices
One of the blokes playing in the MCC match has just moved to a village near Macclesfield and he played his first game the previous weekend. He said that the game had to be abandoned because of a fight between a batsman and bowler on opposite sides! He then went on to say that you get fined if you don't turn up for training twice a week and you have to be on the ground for a 2-hour pre-match practice on match days or you get fined and you don't play the following week!
Meanwhile the Great Jack Morgan sent me this:
I pay little attention to the local freebie newspaper, but the other day I just happened to spot a report of the Richmond v Winchmore Hill Middlesex League match. Craig Jones was apparently injured in the warm-up (did you ever get injured in the warm-up?) and took no part in the match.
I responded:
Warm ups are a dangerous thing for athletes, as opposed to sportsmen, since the former are prone to muscular problems because the warm up stretches those very muscles before the individual is fully warmed up. We, of course never dreamed of calling ourselves athletes and so never had these problems. Apparently, if you are super fit, it’s so much easier to pull something, It happens in professional football as well with sad titans leaving the field in tracksuit tops before a ball or opponent has been kicked in anger.
Sledging Matters George, who is convalescing from heart surgery, has been catching up with matters cricket and wanted to share this anecdote
When Australia were playing Zimbabwe McGrath found himself bowling at the tail ender, Eddo Brandes, who has a bit of a gut on him. Initially the sledges of ‘Brandes you’re a useless fat this, or a fat that’ brought no response. But Brandes broke his silence when McGrath asked, ‘Eddo, why are you so fat?’ As quick as a flash he said, ‘Because every time I shag your wife she gives me a biscuit’. Apparently even McGrath saw the funny side.
Quiz Corner
For those of you who have been on tenterhooks since the last edition Wullers explains that:
"The ABC's postal address in all state and territory capitals is PO Box
9994, which is a tribute to Don Bradman's Test average of 99.94."
The man who wore the number nine shirt for South Hampstead in Willesden Stadium against the Celebrity All-Stars in 1968 was none other than the beanpole, Ted Davey. This month’s teaser is: “What was the final score in that match?”
Steve Thompson noted that the Twelfth Man in the 1974 Wills Final photo that appeared in Googlies 31 is partially hidden by Ian Jerman's uplifted right arm. Who is he? If you need a clue he is mentioned in this issue.
Books for the beach
Googlies is pleased to recommend the following selection of recent cricket and sporting books for your deckchair reading on the beach:
1. Wicket to Wicket by John Tickner
2. Histrionic Semaphore in the Modern Millennium by Billy Bowden
3. Sleeping with Bats by Geoff Boycott
4. Feet up in South Africa by Gareth Batty
5. Feet up in Sri Lanka by Robert Croft
6. How to make friends and influence people by Chris Broad
7. Money doesn’t come into it by Kevin Pieterson and Shane Warne
8. Don’t turn your back on me by Lee Bowyer
9. What did they see in me? by Anthony McGrath
10. Throwing around the World by Muttiah Murilitharan
11. Don’t piss me off by Andre Nell
12. Anyone here speak English by Sol Campbell
Match Report
The following match took place at Milverton Road between Shepherds Bush and South Hampstead on Sunday 22 July 1979
This was an all day game and the visitors fielded three ex South Hampstead players from the early seventies: Steve Doughty and the Langley brothers Alf and Mike. The South Hampstead side was a bit thin on bowling for an all day match and it also had some unestablished batsmen in their line up.
The Bush won the toss and batted first. Ossie Burton had an early strike but soon Alf Langley and Dave Fish were embarking on a major partnership. Fish was eventually run out for 49 when the score had reached 166 for 2. Alf was next out when the score had reached 212 for 3 after contributing a modest 148. I first perused this scoresheet last summer and was surprised that I could remember nothing about Alf’s innings. This was particularly surprising since this was the highest score that I had ever seen on the ground. When I met up with the great man at the South Hampstead re-union in September I talked to him about the game to see if he could jog my memory. In the end I suggested that the reason was probably because it had not been a very good 148. Alf just grinned and pandered to my whimsy.
Alf Langley with the Legendary Len Stubbs at the 2004 South Hampstead reunion
Alf’s dismissal prompted further success for the home side and John Mountjoy and George Hepworth reduced the visitors to 220 for 5. But then Gary Black joined Mike Langley and they took the score to 270 when the declaration came. Our bowlers hadn’t done too badly since Ossie, George, John and David Simpson had got through sixty-four overs between them.
Steve Thompson and Derek Battrum opened the batting for South Hampstead. Battrum was in his post promising schoolboy phase and liked to slug it around after a few sighters. Unfortunately John Grimmer bowled him for 15 when the score had reached 27. David Simpson made good progress with Steve and when he was bowled by Brian Howard for 36 just before tea with the score at 87 for 2, we were ahead of the clock. Gary Black bowled Gary Couch just after tea. Steve Thompson and I always enjoyed batting together and we took the score to 173 for 3 at the beginning of the final twenty overs but then Grimmer returned and he dismissed us both. Steve had scored an excellent 92. We lost wickets steadily over the remaining overs but Jock Joshi and Ossie Burton held on at the end and we finished with 199 for 9. Just a few more than Alf had got on his own, and I still can’t recall his innings.
Strange Elevens
At WGCCC the Professor, in his Presidential mode, organises a Life Members lunch during cricket week. Last year he invited me to join the gathering and Enoch’s book was tabled for consideration and dipping into. This year I wasn’t able to attend but the gathering put their collective, considerable experience to finding a Jazz Hat for last month’s Strange XI. Dr. Dennis Lewis was elected their spokesman and he sent me this:
“At the Welwyn Garden City "Lifers Lunch", established by our President, Professor John Adams, the assembled worthies last Thursday bent their little minds to solving your puzzle in "Googlies and Chinamen" (Edition 31, July 2005). After much cogitation and no little merriment we arrived at what we consider to be the correct answer, which is:
"All the players in that eleven had captained England on only one occasion." How did we do?”
Bob Willis would be most upset to hear that most of the matches in which he captained England had been expunged from the record books. But then he is that sort of guy. Nevertheless, the Lifers were in the right ballpark. When I first received this bunch from the Great Jack Morgan I replied that they had all captained England. This was his reply:
"Hollioake only did ODIs, but Butcher actually did it in a Test, in fact Butcher has never played an ODI. However, Thorpe, Knott and Gifford also only did it in ODIs (or ODI in Knott’s case). I am not sure what you should count as a correct answer if you decide to publish this one. “They all captained England” is correct, of course, but I would prefer to see something like “they all captained England in either Tests or ODIs”, which shows more knowledge of the situation."
Now that you are all in the mood you can tackle this month’s Strange XI:
Bill Alley
Martin Horton
Brian Close
Jim Pressdee
Peter Walker
Barry Knight
John Murray (w/k)
Franklyn Stephenson
Tom Cartwright
Ken Palmer
David Allen
All you have to do is find a Jazz Hat that will fit them all.
Red Mist Matters
This month’s Red Mist award goes to the Somerset captain, Graham Smith who has taken a real fancy to batting on the small county ground at Taunton. Against Leicestershire he chipped in with a mighty 311 scored at over a run a ball in an innings that included eleven sixes.
The Great Jack Morgan reminded me that Gary Sobers was not the only batsman to enjoy the gentle left armers purveyed by Malcolm Nash. Frank Hayes hit him for 34 (6 4 6 6 6 6) in one over at Swansea in 1977.
Hampshire created a new record for a fifty over match by knocking off 358 in the C&G Trophy against Surrey and then Hampshire filled their boots against the miserable Middlesex attack and set a new record in a forty-five over match by knocking off 333.
Rangers Reminiscences Robin Ager comes out as another lifelong Rangers fan
My allegiance to Rangers started at the end of the 1945/6 season when, if my memory is not playing tricks on me, my dad took me to the match against Watford (probably 2-1 to the Rangers). My support was pretty solid in the early days, but became more spasmodic after I left home, and also played regularly on Saturdays. I have rediscovered them from time to time - for example, I followed them throughout the League Cup-winning run, and have probably witnessed most of the exploits of the recent past. About a dozen years ago, I got so excited that I wrote a sub-Hornby piece for one of the fanzines, in which Bert Addinall (featured in one of your earlier editions) got an honourable mention. But for the last few years, I have found other things to do: for one thing, it is so damned difficult to get a ticket these days. And when Gallen and Furlong are, in my view, consistently the best players, it does not bode well.
I was interested to see the all-time Rangers selection in your recent issue. Although I agree with most of the names, I think I’d rather choose players who were more obviously identified with the club, and not those who ended up there after making their name elsewhere: this would rule out Trevor Francis, Wicks and Sansom, and I’m not too sure about Fenwick.
Meanwhile at a summit selection meeting at Lords Arthur Gates and Cousin Jim Revier both challenged the Great Jack Morgan’s selections. They both wanted to get Dave Clement into the all-time team and Arthur would move Parker into the middle instead of Fenwick.
Earlier Editions
I will be please to email you a copy of the earlier editions of Googlies & Chinamen, if you missed or have mislaid them. If you received this edition through a third party, please send me your email address to ensure that you get on the main mailing list for future editions.
Googlies and Chinamen
is produced by
James Sharp
Broad Lee House
Combs
High Peak
SK23 9XA
Tel & fax: 01298 70237
Email: [email protected]
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 32
August 2005
Reflections on Lords
It was worse than even I had imagined. Beaten by 239 runs in under ten sessions amounted to no less than a thrashing. And this is despite the fact that Australia was bowled out twice during this time. England batted for just 106 overs, which means they were bowled out twice in just over a day’s scheduled play.
England’s batsmen were vulnerable against pace on a wicket that did little and they were all totally bemused by Hamburger. It’s just as well that he no longer has a googly but on the other hand he doesn’t appear to need it. Our latest South African looked in a different class, by some way, to the other English batsmen and when he was given not out by Rudy Koetzen when plum LBW to Lee’s full toss he demonstrated that he also has the invaluable attribute of good fortune on his side. The England tail looked even more inept and although there was a breezy wag in the first innings for a couple of overs it completely failed to trouble the scorers in the second.
On Friday afternoon Jones the Glove started to drop balls standing back when the batsmen were leaving them. He was also fumbling throw-ins. It was no surprise that by Saturday morning he started shelling chances. The frying pan that he stuck out to the first one would have disgraced even a West Indian keeper. You don’t become an international class wicket keeper by practising hard. You need to get experience in the middle and no good side can afford to wait for you to get it. The same of course goes for off spin. At least we were spared the calls for Vaughan to bowl. If they want him to be a test match bowler they must find somewhere for him to go and practise this craft. Perhaps he should take Jones the Glove with him.
On the Sunday morning I spoke to Bob Peach who wanted to talk about the captaincy and the bowling, and he knows about these things. He was apoplectic about Vaughan’s negative captaincy in the Aussie’s second innings and the inability of the bowlers to be able to bowl to the fields that he set. Jones the Ball looked the best of the bunch on Saturday morning but on Friday every over seemed to start with a loosener that was duly despatched for four.
I had been expecting Giles’ ultra negative over the wicket crap to be sorted out by the left-handers. In the event two right-handers, Clarke and Martyn, treated us on Friday afternoon to a delightful display of footwork coupled with some immaculate on-driving that forced Giles into reverting to the orthodox style round the wicket. Before the match several experts in man for man assessments gave Gilo 7/10 and Hamburger 8/10. This must have been for personal hygiene since it clearly had nothing to do with bowling. Over the years Giles has failed to cut it as an orthodox slow left armer and so England may need to send the scouts out to search for a new one, before the summer is out.
In an effort to make excuses for Pieterson’s dropped catches some pundits claimed that his catching record is excellent in the deep but close to the wicket he suffers from electric hands. Does anyone buy this bollox? If so my bowling must have suffered from nuclear fallout.
Making wholesale changes won’t help England’s cause and they will have better matches this summer but they now have a mountain to climb to come out of this series with even their self-respect intact let alone any victories under their belt.
Ager on tour
Robin Ager reports from a visit to Harmistonshire
I went to Durham for the first day against Bangladesh. Why? Because, with a small group of ex-work colleagues, I wanted to complete a full set of visits to English test grounds. I won’t bore you with the cricket, as you will have seen that. The ground still seemed a “work in progress”, and had an atmosphere rather like a Bank Holiday funfair. The signs to the stands were not clearly in evidence, and the stewards weren’t much help. On the other hand, there was an acceptable hand-pump beer available, Deuchars, and food outlets seemed adequate. All in all, not the worst Test ground in England: that’s comfortably Old Trafford. We were not impressed by Chester-le-Street itself, but spent a couple of pleasant evenings drinking in Durham.
Pots and Kettles
I have been known in these pages to criticise the fancy dress that appears on some test match grounds these days. I hadn’t realised where it all emanated from until I went to the Lords test with MCC member, Steve Thompson, as his guest. Aware that the MCC imposes some minimum dress code requirements I thought that I had better check with Steve ahead of the day. This was his reply:
“Nobody does dress code like MCC - we’ll be in the Members' Friends' Enclosures- probably the Warner Stand and the regulations are as follows, ' ...casual trousers or shorts are acceptable provided they are reasonably smart. Jackets are not required, but neat shirts with collars, or polo shirts or sweaters should be worn...........garments considered unsuitable include the following: cycling shorts or shorts usually worn for playing sport, beach wear, sleeveless shirts or singlets, flip flop shoes, ripped or badly worn jeans, garments in military camouflage colours and track suits. Bare feet, bare torsos or bare midriffs are not permitted under any circumstances.' Do you think your wardrobe is up to this?” I jovially replied: “It’s pity I can't wear my new military camouflage hot pants and matching singlet in the ground. Is there somewhere to change before we go in?”
It was only when I got there that I appreciated that the apparently highly restrictive dress code nevertheless allows the MCC members to parade a quite extraordinary array of eccentric and, frankly, vulgar attire. As if the egg and bacon club tie were not loud enough on its own the club’s tailors have incorporated the red and yellow into a whole range of, apparently, acceptable items of clothing - blazers, waistcoats, braces, straw trilbies and caps. For those whose complexions clash with the red and yellow, they are permitted to wear blazers in any other combination of colour and in some cases incorporating all the colours. So the next time you are irritated by guys in Batman outfits don’t forget who started it all.
Fancy dress Lords style
Middlesex Matters The Great Jack Morgan sent me this mid term report
I am not happy about the situation regarding the overseas players at Middlesex. Pathan appears to have gone and presumably Styris is going too because other counties are making plans to replace their Kiwis. Hayward has not yet returned although he did turn up at Southgate on Friday and, briefly, fielded sub as well as hurling a few down during the tea interval, but there seems to be no news about replacement signings. We cannot afford to be complacent about the relegation situation. Styris has been a big disappointment with the bat and he was no better in the Hants game. His average of 25 is even lower than Hutton’s and is unsatisfactory; on the other hand, his 22 wickets at 28 is an unexpected bonus and is second only to Richardson. What is to be done? If they sign a batter who can bowl a bit (Styris) he turns out to be a better bowler, while if they sign a bowler who can bat a bit (Pathan) he turns out to be a better bat! Two more bowlers now have a wickets total in double figures! Bettsy has 13 at 32 and Pepsi has 11 at 27, though Pepsi’s total includes three against Cambridge. It’s pathetic, isn’t it?
In the game against Hampshire at Southgate, Hampshire made as big a hash of their second innings as Middlesex had done of their first. The wicket was starting to give a little assistance to the spinners, but the Hampshire batsmen treated the spin twins Peploe and Dalrymple who had taken a combined total of two Championship wickets between them this season before this match as if they were Laker and Lock bowling on an uncovered flyer at the Oval in the mid-fifties. The dynamic duo of Peploe and Dalrymple shared seven wickets between them and bundled Hants out for 192. So will Dalrymple and Peploe become the new Titmus and Edmonds or Emburey and Tufnell? It would be great if they could, of course, but many tougher examinations than Hants were able to provide are awaiting them.
Robin Ager is also concerned about progress at Lords
The second day of the Middlesex-Gloucester game at Lord’s was depressing, Middlesex’s toothless attack (Richardson honourably excepted) being made to look respectable by some appalling batting by the visitors. I convinced myself that the game was heading for the most boring of draws, only to learn that Gloucester had batted even more poorly in the second innings to present the match to Middlesex. I doubt that the odds on Gloucester being relegated are very enticing, and I fear Middlesex are also for the drop. Of the other newcomers, Smith hasn’t really got going, Styris hasn’t got the class to make a difference, and Betts is “money for old rope”.
Averages
The Great Jack Morgan complained to me:
Ed Joyce is top of the averages as far as I am aware, but it is getting increasingly difficult to know about such things; the Wisden Cricketer, Guardian and Indy have all given up publishing averages: do you know why? Does the Times print them? Teletext is my only source of information.
I for once knew the answer:
The averages appear in the Sunday Times each week although the qualifications are a bit odd. To enable the test players to be included the qualifying number of innings is minimal and anyone who gets a wicket seems to go in the list. At least they don’t give priority to a one-day list yet which could well come in. Tim de Lisle was writing that strike rates are more important than averages in one-day cricket and went on for a whole article that they should be the mark of one-day achievement. He was also at pains to point out that averages are easily boosted by not outs in this cricket, viz Pieterson. What he failed to do was mention that it is only any good having a high strike rate if you stay at the wicket long enough to score some runs. The six and out boys have great strike rates but their contribution, whilst possibly entertaining, is minimal. You may also find the averages in the Telegraph but since no one reads this rag we shall never find out.
Slopes and so on The Professor is starting to feel mathematically challenged
You know that "I wish I'd never started this" feeling? Well...I wish I'd never started this. You will recall that I doubted that the Lords slope had as big an effect on the ball as was claimed since it seemed a very small amount of about 3m in 150m width of the ground. My friend George tells me that I have obviously forgotten my school trigonometry, which is undoubtedly true since I can't refute his findings - nor, you will be amazed to know, could anyone at the Lifer's Lunch - even before the port.
Well, a sphere touches a plane at a single point and that point is, in effect, on the hypotenuse of a triangle with sides of 3m and 150m respectively. The tangent of the angle of elevation is given, as all your readers will know, by opposite over adjacent, i.e. the tan of 3 divided by 150 = 1.15. The ball dropped on the sloping surface will reflect at 2tan, i.e 2.3. A 2.3 deflection pitched at say 4 yards before the stumps would, according to George, give a 5.76 inch difference from the trajectory of a straight ball at the stumps. Is this right? Can anyone remember this stuff? I recall Dr Matthews reciting sine, cosine and tangent equations in the Prefects’ Room - I wonder if he can still do his sums?
This got me thinking
Suppose that there actually is something in this slope business after all? In Athletics records don’t count if, for instance, they are produced under conditions where they were wind assisted. This got me reviewing the grounds on which I had played most of my cricket to see if geomorphic factors could account for any of my dismissals. At Du Cane Road and at Shepherds Bush the squares were completely flat and any deviation of the ball was due to atmospherics, the uncovered nature of the wicket or even, perhaps, the bowler’s skill.
However, the square at South Hampstead was both flat and sloping. At the pavilion side it was flat but about a third of the way across it started to slope down towards the tennis courts. Therefore, the slope may have unfairly assisted certain dismissals on wickets pitched on the tennis court side of the square. I have decided to introduce a unique service to batsmen who have appeared at South Hampstead over the years to have their dismissals formally reviewed. Suitable dismissals for review include:
Right-handed batsmen:
Bowled or LBW from the Milverton Road end when the delivery was allegedly off-cutter or off-spin.
Caught behind (outside edge) when the bowler was from the Sidmouth Road end if away swinger, leg cutter or slow left arm.
Left-handed Batsmen:
The reverse of the above.
It is important that when you make your application for review you state approximately what position on the square the wicket was pitched for each dismissal you want considered - no cheating on this, I will be checking with Stan Berry’s pitch log.
After I have reviewed each specific dismissal I shall make an absolute assessment of whether it was unfairly assisted by the slope. Where such a pronouncement is made you will be entitled for career batting record purposes to treat that innings as “not out”. Those who have only appeared occasionally at South Hampstead will simply feel better about their experience on the ground, whilst regular performers there could dramatically improve their batting averages.
No reviews can be carried out of dubious run out or stumping decisions and the Legendary Len Stubbs can forget about asking for a review of his being caught at backward short leg because “there shouldn’t have been a fielder there”. The slope clearly cannot be blamed for any of these dismissals.
A modest £5 Review Fee should accompany all applications. Refunds can be obtained if applicants can recall any of the decisions against me that might fall into the above categories.
I suppose that there may be a few bowlers out there who think that there were occasions when the slope dragged perfectly straight deliveries unfairly down the leg side thereby robbing them of well-deserved wickets. Well too bad. I am not in the business of helping you guys out. You had it too easy anyway.
Absentee or perhaps just Daft Journalism The Great Jack Morgan sent me this puzzling titbit:
There was a nice report by John Collis in this morning’s Guardian, in which he says that the Middlesex/Hampshire game at Southgate was a “wonderful match”, that Ben Scott saw “red mist” and that the crowd had “just two hours of cricket yesterday and every minute was a thriller”. He also referred to JWM Dalrymple as “tiny”, which caused me to check his dimensions in the Cricketer’s Who’s Who, where he is described as six feet tall and thirteen and a half stone!
Cricket Fixture Hell The Great Jack Morgan has been up in arms over the lack of real cricket
What a nightmare the fixture list is in late June and early July! There is no real cricket on at all. There is the never-ending sequence of ODIs, which hold little interest or there is the 20-over junior house match competition, which holds even less interest. There are 19 consecutive days in mid-summer when there is no first class cricket to see at all, except for the Varsity match. During this period, I have so far seen two days of minor counties cricket at Beaconsfield and I hope to have another day with the minors at Finchampstead plus a couple of second XI days at Ealing and Cheam. It’s pathetic. This should be the height of the season. Then they will try to tell us that they play too much. Too much limited overs crap in my opinion.
I agreed with him but tried, as usual, to come up with a constructive solution
I agree that it is crazy having no proper cricket during the middle of the summer. The County Championship will soon have to be extended into November to accommodate all the slog fest stuff. If Twenty20 is gaining in popularity and people like to watch it around Coronation Street then maybe it should be played whilst four-day games are in progress. The four-day game could have a revision in playing hours to finish by say 5.30 and the slog stuff could start at, say, 6.30 and it could still be over by 9pm. If anyone was tired from their exertions in the real stuff the counties could use other staff players to perform in the twilight. There would be no problems with admission and re-admission since those at the day cricket could stay on if they wished and there aren’t too many of them, whilst the slug fest gang could pay just for that. I suspect it’s a substantially different bunch anyway.
Dream Teams Revisited
Bill Hart nagged me to get Robin Ager to send me his South Hampstead dream team from the sixties. I wasn’t optimistic of a response and so suggested that he might like to select a dream mid week side. The key thing was to upset Bill by leaving him out. Robin replied:
You recently asked me to respond to Bill’s challenge to name my best South Hampstead team. I have not done so, because I only played regularly for the club from 1963 to 1968, and the team more or less picked itself during that time: so that would have to be my selection. Bill joined before me and played a few seasons after I left, so he would have had a wider choice. I haven’t gone through the back issues of Googlies to remind myself of his team, but I’m sure I would agree with it. With Bill, I’ve always found that is the best option. And yes, he would have sneaked into my selection. As for a mid-week side, I’d go for any team brought together by Jim Franklin. Fun guaranteed.
Bats The Professor noticed an article about modern bats
The Guardian had an article last week about bats. It seems they are much more springy than in our time because they are less compressed. The tale was of Barry Richards in the South African dressing room, picking up Gibbs’ bat and tapping a ball on the blade that flew of it and hit the ceiling. Less compression, so it seems, gives the bat a lot more spring (like the illegal golf drivers) but much less durability. They spring very nicely but break very easily. Gibbs has apparently adopted the practice of numbering his bats for the season. Richards reckoned that he used three or four bats in a season; the number on Gibbs’ bat was 47.
My concern is who has to carry the bags for these guys nowadays? Not like it was in our day Steve Thompson sent me this alarming note about modern practices
One of the blokes playing in the MCC match has just moved to a village near Macclesfield and he played his first game the previous weekend. He said that the game had to be abandoned because of a fight between a batsman and bowler on opposite sides! He then went on to say that you get fined if you don't turn up for training twice a week and you have to be on the ground for a 2-hour pre-match practice on match days or you get fined and you don't play the following week!
Meanwhile the Great Jack Morgan sent me this:
I pay little attention to the local freebie newspaper, but the other day I just happened to spot a report of the Richmond v Winchmore Hill Middlesex League match. Craig Jones was apparently injured in the warm-up (did you ever get injured in the warm-up?) and took no part in the match.
I responded:
Warm ups are a dangerous thing for athletes, as opposed to sportsmen, since the former are prone to muscular problems because the warm up stretches those very muscles before the individual is fully warmed up. We, of course never dreamed of calling ourselves athletes and so never had these problems. Apparently, if you are super fit, it’s so much easier to pull something, It happens in professional football as well with sad titans leaving the field in tracksuit tops before a ball or opponent has been kicked in anger.
Sledging Matters George, who is convalescing from heart surgery, has been catching up with matters cricket and wanted to share this anecdote
When Australia were playing Zimbabwe McGrath found himself bowling at the tail ender, Eddo Brandes, who has a bit of a gut on him. Initially the sledges of ‘Brandes you’re a useless fat this, or a fat that’ brought no response. But Brandes broke his silence when McGrath asked, ‘Eddo, why are you so fat?’ As quick as a flash he said, ‘Because every time I shag your wife she gives me a biscuit’. Apparently even McGrath saw the funny side.
Quiz Corner
For those of you who have been on tenterhooks since the last edition Wullers explains that:
"The ABC's postal address in all state and territory capitals is PO Box
9994, which is a tribute to Don Bradman's Test average of 99.94."
The man who wore the number nine shirt for South Hampstead in Willesden Stadium against the Celebrity All-Stars in 1968 was none other than the beanpole, Ted Davey. This month’s teaser is: “What was the final score in that match?”
Steve Thompson noted that the Twelfth Man in the 1974 Wills Final photo that appeared in Googlies 31 is partially hidden by Ian Jerman's uplifted right arm. Who is he? If you need a clue he is mentioned in this issue.
Books for the beach
Googlies is pleased to recommend the following selection of recent cricket and sporting books for your deckchair reading on the beach:
1. Wicket to Wicket by John Tickner
2. Histrionic Semaphore in the Modern Millennium by Billy Bowden
3. Sleeping with Bats by Geoff Boycott
4. Feet up in South Africa by Gareth Batty
5. Feet up in Sri Lanka by Robert Croft
6. How to make friends and influence people by Chris Broad
7. Money doesn’t come into it by Kevin Pieterson and Shane Warne
8. Don’t turn your back on me by Lee Bowyer
9. What did they see in me? by Anthony McGrath
10. Throwing around the World by Muttiah Murilitharan
11. Don’t piss me off by Andre Nell
12. Anyone here speak English by Sol Campbell
Match Report
The following match took place at Milverton Road between Shepherds Bush and South Hampstead on Sunday 22 July 1979
This was an all day game and the visitors fielded three ex South Hampstead players from the early seventies: Steve Doughty and the Langley brothers Alf and Mike. The South Hampstead side was a bit thin on bowling for an all day match and it also had some unestablished batsmen in their line up.
The Bush won the toss and batted first. Ossie Burton had an early strike but soon Alf Langley and Dave Fish were embarking on a major partnership. Fish was eventually run out for 49 when the score had reached 166 for 2. Alf was next out when the score had reached 212 for 3 after contributing a modest 148. I first perused this scoresheet last summer and was surprised that I could remember nothing about Alf’s innings. This was particularly surprising since this was the highest score that I had ever seen on the ground. When I met up with the great man at the South Hampstead re-union in September I talked to him about the game to see if he could jog my memory. In the end I suggested that the reason was probably because it had not been a very good 148. Alf just grinned and pandered to my whimsy.
Alf Langley with the Legendary Len Stubbs at the 2004 South Hampstead reunion
Alf’s dismissal prompted further success for the home side and John Mountjoy and George Hepworth reduced the visitors to 220 for 5. But then Gary Black joined Mike Langley and they took the score to 270 when the declaration came. Our bowlers hadn’t done too badly since Ossie, George, John and David Simpson had got through sixty-four overs between them.
Steve Thompson and Derek Battrum opened the batting for South Hampstead. Battrum was in his post promising schoolboy phase and liked to slug it around after a few sighters. Unfortunately John Grimmer bowled him for 15 when the score had reached 27. David Simpson made good progress with Steve and when he was bowled by Brian Howard for 36 just before tea with the score at 87 for 2, we were ahead of the clock. Gary Black bowled Gary Couch just after tea. Steve Thompson and I always enjoyed batting together and we took the score to 173 for 3 at the beginning of the final twenty overs but then Grimmer returned and he dismissed us both. Steve had scored an excellent 92. We lost wickets steadily over the remaining overs but Jock Joshi and Ossie Burton held on at the end and we finished with 199 for 9. Just a few more than Alf had got on his own, and I still can’t recall his innings.
Strange Elevens
At WGCCC the Professor, in his Presidential mode, organises a Life Members lunch during cricket week. Last year he invited me to join the gathering and Enoch’s book was tabled for consideration and dipping into. This year I wasn’t able to attend but the gathering put their collective, considerable experience to finding a Jazz Hat for last month’s Strange XI. Dr. Dennis Lewis was elected their spokesman and he sent me this:
“At the Welwyn Garden City "Lifers Lunch", established by our President, Professor John Adams, the assembled worthies last Thursday bent their little minds to solving your puzzle in "Googlies and Chinamen" (Edition 31, July 2005). After much cogitation and no little merriment we arrived at what we consider to be the correct answer, which is:
"All the players in that eleven had captained England on only one occasion." How did we do?”
Bob Willis would be most upset to hear that most of the matches in which he captained England had been expunged from the record books. But then he is that sort of guy. Nevertheless, the Lifers were in the right ballpark. When I first received this bunch from the Great Jack Morgan I replied that they had all captained England. This was his reply:
"Hollioake only did ODIs, but Butcher actually did it in a Test, in fact Butcher has never played an ODI. However, Thorpe, Knott and Gifford also only did it in ODIs (or ODI in Knott’s case). I am not sure what you should count as a correct answer if you decide to publish this one. “They all captained England” is correct, of course, but I would prefer to see something like “they all captained England in either Tests or ODIs”, which shows more knowledge of the situation."
Now that you are all in the mood you can tackle this month’s Strange XI:
Bill Alley
Martin Horton
Brian Close
Jim Pressdee
Peter Walker
Barry Knight
John Murray (w/k)
Franklyn Stephenson
Tom Cartwright
Ken Palmer
David Allen
All you have to do is find a Jazz Hat that will fit them all.
Red Mist Matters
This month’s Red Mist award goes to the Somerset captain, Graham Smith who has taken a real fancy to batting on the small county ground at Taunton. Against Leicestershire he chipped in with a mighty 311 scored at over a run a ball in an innings that included eleven sixes.
The Great Jack Morgan reminded me that Gary Sobers was not the only batsman to enjoy the gentle left armers purveyed by Malcolm Nash. Frank Hayes hit him for 34 (6 4 6 6 6 6) in one over at Swansea in 1977.
Hampshire created a new record for a fifty over match by knocking off 358 in the C&G Trophy against Surrey and then Hampshire filled their boots against the miserable Middlesex attack and set a new record in a forty-five over match by knocking off 333.
Rangers Reminiscences Robin Ager comes out as another lifelong Rangers fan
My allegiance to Rangers started at the end of the 1945/6 season when, if my memory is not playing tricks on me, my dad took me to the match against Watford (probably 2-1 to the Rangers). My support was pretty solid in the early days, but became more spasmodic after I left home, and also played regularly on Saturdays. I have rediscovered them from time to time - for example, I followed them throughout the League Cup-winning run, and have probably witnessed most of the exploits of the recent past. About a dozen years ago, I got so excited that I wrote a sub-Hornby piece for one of the fanzines, in which Bert Addinall (featured in one of your earlier editions) got an honourable mention. But for the last few years, I have found other things to do: for one thing, it is so damned difficult to get a ticket these days. And when Gallen and Furlong are, in my view, consistently the best players, it does not bode well.
I was interested to see the all-time Rangers selection in your recent issue. Although I agree with most of the names, I think I’d rather choose players who were more obviously identified with the club, and not those who ended up there after making their name elsewhere: this would rule out Trevor Francis, Wicks and Sansom, and I’m not too sure about Fenwick.
Meanwhile at a summit selection meeting at Lords Arthur Gates and Cousin Jim Revier both challenged the Great Jack Morgan’s selections. They both wanted to get Dave Clement into the all-time team and Arthur would move Parker into the middle instead of Fenwick.
Earlier Editions
I will be please to email you a copy of the earlier editions of Googlies & Chinamen, if you missed or have mislaid them. If you received this edition through a third party, please send me your email address to ensure that you get on the main mailing list for future editions.
Googlies and Chinamen
is produced by
James Sharp
Broad Lee House
Combs
High Peak
SK23 9XA
Tel & fax: 01298 70237
Email: [email protected]
