GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 88
April 2010
Caption Competition
1. Bob Taylor: Where is the regular keeper? 2. Ian Bell: Lucky bastard. Matt Prior: I’d count that as a good shot. 3. Ian Bell: Come back Straussy, all is forgiven. Let’s get Cooky back at short leg. 4. Shakib al Hasan: IPL here I come. 5. Jim Revier: Another four because there’s no third man. 6. Matt Prior: If you think that bounced laddie, wait till you play at Old Trafford. 7. David Abbey: There she goes! 8. Jack Robertson: You didn’t learn that shot from me. Keep it on the ground. Out and About with the Professor Annual General Meetings are strange social institutions. Some people who attend, given a captive audience, take the opportunity to ramble on for hours in perfect “pub bore” mode; others, who have been saying for months that they are going to tell some “home truths”, get struck dumb. Many people, speaking in a public forum, adopt a different manner of speech and start saying things like: “with reference to”, and “notwithstanding”, and so on, as if they have caught a dose of “legalese”.
My first ever cricket AGMs were at Shepherds Bush, presided over by a man called Dennis Austen who was a sort of Professor Jimmy Edwards parody complete with unruly moustache and inflated self-importance. In a scruffy pavilion it was all very formal and my memory is of people insulting each other in what they took to be proper AGM language.
Hertfordshire AGMs in the early ‘70s took place in January in a dark chilly room in County Hall where the then secretary read out (or sometimes mis-read) his extremely lengthy hand-written report pausing, every so often, only to try to read his own handwriting. Welwyn Garden City AGMs, by contrast, occupied the minimal amount of time necessary prior to the opening of the bar – the only contested elections we had were for which of two equally reluctant volunteers should be Sunday 3rd XI Vice-Captain…or whatever.
I was musing on this topic last week when I went off, on a bright spring day, to my first ever Yorkshire County Cricket Club AGM. It was held in the new Long Room and was very well attended (I didn’t count, but here must have been between 300-400 people there). AGMs are not famously attractive to youth and indeed the Headingley throng could easily have doubled as the occupants of the nearby “Sunny Days” retirement home. There were the predictable questions: had Martyn Moxon thought of standing down (or “considered his position”…this was an AGM), why did we let Hoggard go, and when will we have a proper Yorkshire team again, i.e. one made up of Yorkshiremen. Indeed one contributor from the floor remembered a day’s play when all 15 people on the field were born in Yorkshire – the home team, both opposition batsmen and both umpires. There were lots of good wishes for the new captain, Andrew Gale, and yet more promotion of the “iconic” (no less) new pavilion. The finances of the latter seem to be in a less than iconic state since the latest offer is a seat for the whole season for £250 provided an interest-free loan of £3,000 had been made. The repayment date of the loan (15 years) did not, for the octogenarians present, seem that attractive.
The new President is one Raymond Illingworth who gave a surprisingly witty acceptance speech. He compared the “magnificent” facilities now at Headingley with those when he first arrived in the late 1940s. The indoor cricket set-up has inevitably changed its name from cricket “school” to “academy” but in “our Raymond’s” time it was called the Winter Shed. “And it were a good name an’ all.” “There were no ‘eating in’t changing rooms or nets and it were bloomin’ freezing” The winter shed had, apparently, a glass roof so that you could play by what daylight they get in Leeds in February… the problem was that it leaked. “It were the only indoor cricket facility I’ve ever ‘eard of where you ‘ad to put down sawdust”. And so on. The new Pres promised to work tirelessly for the Club and welcomed every member to play a full and active part and we all promised to do so. So, a good AGM…I wonder what the cricket will be like?
And then later
What were your conclusions about the recent foray on the sub-continent? The papers seem to have stuck to the "did what was expected" line - needed to win and did so; Cook enhanced his reputation, form for Bell, Pietersen, Swann, etc; Bresnan took his chance, and so on. All of this was laced with some gentle patronising - Bangladesh not up to Test standard, lots to learn, rather naive in their approach (Atherton in particular seemed to favour that description), etc. It was as though by being there they had been infused with the spirit of the Raj. "These chappies, they try jolly hard and all that, but their not quite up to it, don't ye' know".
Well, given the early hour, I was able to watch quite a bit of the two Tests and the three one-dayers and I didn't think Bangladesh were too bad. There was some poor bowling on the last day when they had clearly given up, and the fielding was a bit ropey at times (as was England’s) but there were a couple of times in the "series" when they were on top and occasions when their top order made our (presumably non-naive, and highly-paid) bowlers look very ordinary indeed.
I was musing on this thought when I went to a meeting the other day and sat next to County Councillor Heseltine. Councillor Heseltine is from Skipton and is very pleased with himself because after a 10 year money raising campaign they had just unveiled a statue of Skipton's most famous resident (and the Councillor's boyhood hero) - Fred Trueman. The Councillor was, I'm pleased to say, much more interested in talking about his hero than the business of the meeting and I heard all about tea in Fred's house, and what wonderful company he was, and a great man, and a great Yorkshireman, and...and...I mentioned the just-finished series to my new-found chum, thinking that he would take the position of the patronisers, but not a bit of it. "I thought sum' o' them looked pretty 'andy, meself" and "I can remember when Fred skittled out India an' we thought they were all rubbish - an' look at them now".
Quite so, Councillor. Let's all admire the cricket and drop the superciliousness...it may one day come back to bite us.
Agony Matters Our resident guru, Arthur Smartahs, continues to answer readers’ letters
From Monty, Hove
Dear Arthur,
For several years I was the Great Brown Hope of English cricket. Every time I got a wicket I would run and jump and high five with the gang and everyone loved me. But in no time I found myself bowling over the wicket and faster and faster and some said that I even started looking like Gilo. I used to play at Northampton but all those nasty South Africans kept swearing at me and I almost gave up bowling completely to concentrate on my fielding. I brought my turban down to Hove last winter but now I find that the South Africans have all been packed off to where they came from and I realise that the tracks at Hove may be harder to get wickets on than those at Northampton. I am at my wits end. What am I to do?
Dear Monty,
Pull yourself together man. You sound like a big girl’s blouse. It is absolutely essential that you completely ignore all bowling coaches from now on. You must bowl round the wicket at all times to right handers and try to recover your loop, which you should attempt to land regularly on a length. On no account must you bowl anything like your new county skipper, Yardy, whose spinners are closer to the bowling of Fred Rumsey. You must start telling everyone who will listen to you that you have now developed a ball that goes the other way. It doesn’t matter that you haven’t, as it will be months before the opposition batters realise that. You will need to project a mature air, which will necessitate cutting out all that silly celebrating in the event that you take a wicket. In the field you will probably find it better to just ignore balls that are hit in your direction rather than bend and fumble them. All of this will require big changes for you. No chances of you shaving and having a haircut are there?
Uncle Arthur
From Ravi, Chelmsford
Dear Arthur,
Last year I was the Great Brown Hope of English cricket. I went to the Caribbean and clobbered the weakest bowling attack in world cricket and then when, a couple of weeks later they came to England, I did the same over here. But then I got selected to play in the Ashes and it was completely different. They didn’t play fair. They didn’t bowl me friendly long hops and full tosses every over and seemed to know just how to get me out. In no time I had become a laughing stock and was packed off back to Chelmsford. To make matters worse I didn’t get a free holiday with Team England this winter. I am at my wits end. What am I to do?
Dear Ravi,
Life is not so bad at Chelmsford. Your Uncle Graham will keep an eye on you and he will whisper in Mr Flower’s ear when the time is right. Meanwhile you can gorge yourself on county bowling in much the way that Mike Gatting did. Your place seems to have been taken by Blocker Trott, which is good news for you. People will soon get tired of watching his tedious approach at the crease and in no time the papers will hound him out of the team. Before you know it they will be clambering for your stroke play and you will find yourself selected for the winter tour to Australia. Your nightmare can then start all over again.
Arthur
From Owais, Radlett
Dear Arthur,
For many years I dreamed of being the Great Brown Hope of English cricket. When I eventually got my chance I blew it by developing hand cramps. I didn’t do badly in ODIs and tore the Protean attack apart in the Champions Trophy but then they dropped me because they said my fielding was indifferent and my running between the wickets left a little to be desired. I am at my wits end. What am I to do?
Dear Owais,
Get real man, your fielding is terrible and your running between the wickets makes kamikaze flying seem like a safe exercise. But there is nothing wrong with this and they were once prized attributes of international cricketers. The small-minded people who run Team England don’t appreciate such old fashioned virtues, though, which give you a problem. I suggest that you take a leaf out of Mark of Kennington’s book and set about proving them wrong by scoring so many runs in county cricket that any lapses in the field and between the wickets will pale into insignificance. You never know, in ten years time they will start saying you ought to be selected again. They won’t pick you though. By the way how are things developing at Radlett? Can you get there from anywhere in Middlesex in less than five hours?
Arthur
England Matters
The Great Jack Morgan gives us his thoughts on the Bangladesh tour
C Kieswetter will make his England ODI debut in Sunday's first ODI and predictably the xenophobes are already having a chirp ("bloody foreigners... coming over here... strengthening our cricket team... bastards!"). As you would expect, I have no sympathy with them: he has a Scottish mother, he has qualified by residence and we live in such a mobile society that it is unrealistic to expect people to remain in the country of their birth throughout their lives... get used to it!
Yes! Excellent! England did go back to Dunc's much underused ploy of playing two keepers in ODIs. This is a subtle and cunning tactic and only the deepest strategic thinkers on the game are able to understand the advantages to gained from it, but I think it could catch on. It could even spread to other sports... two goalkeepers anyone?
Sidey is out of the tour and Broady and Bunny are also injured so Bresnan is now in the squad and Finny is flying out to join up for the Test matches. I would have said that Finny did not have much chance of playing as people like Shahzad and Plunkers are ahead of him, but poor Liam has hardly bowled all winter, while Shahzad has not been pulling up trees. Now I hear that Liam (and Luke) bowled only two overs in today's 3rd ODI (in which Kieswetter and Bresnan were the stars) while Colly bowled ten (0-51). This is ludicrous! This is a match that we could probably have won if the two keepers had done the bowling and we had won the series anyway, so why did we not take the opportunity to find out what the young fringe bowlers could do? Instead we found out that Colly (nearly 34) cannot bowl out the Bangles and have learnt little or nothing about Liam and Luke: where does that get us? It was good to see Tredders doing well in the warm up match; he is not one of my heroes, but I was alarmed by talk of relying on the "South African" line-up of 3 seamers and one spinner...ridiculous! Tredders must play! Which is more than I will say for KP.
Crikey! D Hopps says Bunny won't be fit and that Finny will pip Shahzad and Plunkers for the last place! I do not really approve as you know, but if they are really going to take him to Australia, this could be a good opportunity to ease him in? Leaving the debate about Finny on one side, I thought Hoppsy's team looked surprisingly well balanced (5 batters, 3 seamers, 2 spinners).
Crikey! S Brenkley doesn't agree with Hopps: his side has 6 batters (inc Carberry), 2 seamers (Broad and Bresnan) and 2 spinners, a team so dreadfully unbalanced that it is likely to be correct! However, I hope Brenkers is wrong and Hoppsy right. Bunny is out of the tour and on his way home and nobody seems to give Davies, Plunkett, Shahzad or Wright a chance of selection.
Neither Hopps nor Brenkley was right as the rumours of the negative "South African" line-up of 6 batters and one spinner proved correct: why did we think that this time they might actually play two spinners? Boring, defensive bastards. They are scared of losing to the Bangles, which is more embarrassing than actually losing to them would be. I hope England do lose, then they can stop worrying about it. I was so disgusted when I saw the team on teletext that I just switched off the television without even checking the score and took no interest in the match whatsoever.
Dream Team Matters
Paddy Carlin selects a side
I stayed recently with the Professor in snowy Yorkshire and we mused on the best players over the past forty years to have played at WGCCC’s Digswell Park ground. This was prompted by a photograph of the Professor playing against Charlie Griffith when a Barbados XI played there around 1970. The Professor seemed to be playing him quite calmly. He was doing it the Boycott way- i.e. from the non striker’s end. Anyway I have selected an eclectic XI of Distinguished Visitors who have played at WGC. The GJM might note that I have two fairly useful wicket keepers in my team, should he wish to borrow one. The batting order is:
Geoff Boycott- A Smith, Kline, French XI
Justin Langer- Old Millhillians
Keith Fletcher- Royston
Adam Gilchrist- Stoics
Owais Shah- Middlesex
John Murray-Headway XI
Phil de Freitas- Sudbury Court
Fred Trueman- Headway XI
Geoff Arnold- Headway XI
Colin Croft- Hemel Hempstead
Charlie Griffith- Barbados Select XI
In reserve we could have Peter Such in the unlikely event that a spinner would be needed or Paul Taylor should we need a sixth seamer. Headway was a local construction company run by a cricket nut who provided cricket week opposition each year.
Meanwhile Bob Proctor is not the sort of man to let the Great Jack Morgan criticize his selection without fighting back Well, well, well. The Great Jack Morgan does have plenty to say about my Aussie side - Blimey! Talk about unbalanced teams! (fought I was back in the White City for a moment!!) My first comment is that I did pick 12 players - and twelfers J Gillespie is a fast bowler with a very good record? Jack mentions Gillespie?? - and some other candidates like D Fleming, J Gillespie, M Bichel, M Johnson and N Hauritz are also useful batters. I am surprised that Jack left out J Langer in the Aussie top 5 batsmen - my top five would be Hayden, Langer, Ponting, Waugh and Clarke
Getting back to 'unbalanced' - McGrath, Lee and Warne can all bowl out sides and be match winners on their own - with a little bit of help from 'Tugga' and if I recall Ponting was more than a useful 'club bowler at best' as a younger man - I would also like to mention that Clarke has taken the occasional important wicket over the years ?
I remember back to my days at Brentham CC. We didn't need any more bowlers than Brian Reid, Alan Holley and John Swann to win most of our games.
Bob’s final brag here may prompt some readers to recall occasions when their clubs found scoring against Brentham rather easier than Bob’s memories through rose coloured recall.
Don Matters
In 1971 Don Wallis was elected captain of the South Hampstead Sunday 1st XI. Bob Peach was captain of the Saturday side and Bill Hart was vice captain on both days. This was the era before league cricket and the Sunday fixture list was as strong as that on Saturdays and the matches were just as competitive. However, South Hampstead was going through a transition with many of Bob Peach’s side of the sixties either retired or moved away and several of the younger players had either disappointed or not yet fulfilled their potential.
Don and Bill were past their best as quick bowlers and both carried reputations as being difficult characters. They were, therefore, an unlikely pair to lead the club. Some strange sides took the field under them in 1971 and their record was, not surprisingly, less than flattering. Of the 22 matches played only two were won and there were seven defeats. But one of these defeats went on to have a much greater significance than could possibly have been anticipated at the time. On Sunday 29 August 1971 Edmonton only managed 156 thanks to Bill Hart’s 5 for 14, but when Clarke bowled Alan Cox, who was probably closer to the square leg umpire than the stumps, South Hampstead were 30 runs short. This was to be the side’s last defeat until Sunday 25 May 1975 when Reading won a low scoring match by just 4 runs.
In 1972 thirteen of the 23 matches played were won and at the end of the season Bill decided to leave the club for geographically more convenient fixtures. Don asked me to be his vice captain for 1973 when 14 of the twenty matches were won. In 1974 we won eleven of twenty played. The unbeaten run extended for 73 games in total of which forty three were won and twenty seven were drawn. There were significant changes in the players during this period but Don would be the first to recognise the contribution of Terry Cordaroy who hardly missed a match despite often having attractive offers to play in prestigious MCC and other matches.
At first no one realised that an unbeaten run was being established but it could not be ignored once end of season statistics drew attention to it. Some argued in the later period that Don had become conservative and was content to draw matches in order to preserve the record. I am not sure that this is true. What is indisputable is that, completely unexpectedly, Don became a magnificent captain almost from the outset and was innovative and completely committed. Paradoxically it has to be said he led from the front by force of character but with minimal personal contribution with the bat or ball.
During the month after the defeat by Reading in 1975 Don was taken seriously ill and had major surgery. He only made a few subsequent appearances on the field of play. I took over as captain about which I have written previously in these pages.
Middlesex Matters
The Great Jack Morgan gives us the Skinny on the boys from Radlett
I'm never really happy with the strength of the Middlesex squad. We have a lot of promising lads, but it is very hard to tell who is going to make it and who isn't (I'm still not convinced about one of our lads who is now in the Test team!). It doesn't look as if Ntini is coming aboard and there is no news of a replacement, but Gus apparently has some recruits in the pipeline whom he cannot yet reveal. On limited viewing, I think Iain O'B is a high class bowler (though a little elderly); he has no reputation as a bat (he was averaging 3 in Tests in the 2009 Playfair), but ever since Jeff Coleman told me that he was joining back in August/ September time, I have kept an eye on his scores and he has not done badly and is definitely ahead of Finny, Ntini and Evans and most of those innings were in international cricket. Finny's absence on international duty would be an unforeseen blow and would leave the pace bowling unit looking vulnerable to injury once again. Iain should provide a potent new ball attack with Tim Murtagh, but they will have to shoulder a heavy burden of responsibility and workload, especially if Finny is absent. Overall, I do not think the squad is strong enough: compared to 2008 (a year in which we finished third, not bad, but not good enough for promotion to division one), Ed Joyce, Ed Smith, Nick Compton and Billy Godleman have been replaced by Neil Dexter and Scott Newman; Dirk Nannes, Alan Richardson and Chris Silverwood have been replaced by Iain O'Brien; Chris Peploe and Murali Kartik have been replaced by Tom Smith; and David Nash and Ben Scott (temporarily at least) have been replaced by John Simpson; which are the areas that have been strengthened? I cannot see one.
WGCCC Matters
Paddy Carlin updates us on pre-season developments
WGCCC will be going into the 2010 season with a new President as the Professor has reluctantly given in to geography and has relinquished the role. He is succeeded by David Beynon who is also the current President of Hertfordshire cricket. Both Presidents are former first eleven captains.
The 2010 side will be captained by Aaron Laraman (ex Middlesex, Somerset, Finchley and Winchmore Hill) with Jamie Hewitt( ex Middlesex and Kent) as his vice captain. The team will be to all intents and purposes Hertfordshire because in addition to 2009’s seven county players there are three more Hertfordshire players joining. An Aussie batsman, Chris Grant, is joining as club coach from Melbourne University. The club will need all of these resources to challenge effectively the likes of Henley, High Wycombe and Banbury.
IPL Matters
The IPL can now be seen in Hampton where the Great Jack Morgan made his debut
I did, however, watch Deccan v Kolkata on ITV4. Some of the shots played were dire, the noise was absolutely intolerable, the advertising was irritating, the identification of players by the commentators was poor, there were no visible scoreboards and glimpses of the scorecard were very rare, but the actual match was quite interesting as Owais (58* on debut) and Angelo Mathews (65*) rescued Kolkata from 31 for 4 to put them in with a shout at 161-4. Deccan reached a lucky 99-1 (A Gilchrist 54) and it seemed impossible for them to lose from there, but they managed it comfortably, collapsing to 150-7. Apart from Owais and Adam, other Middlesex heroes featuring were C Vaas and M Kartik. I doubt that I will get hooked on this crap, but I'll probably give it another look. Owais and the lads take on Eoin's boys tomorrow (Sun) morning, but unfortunately, I have to go out.
I did manage to see most of the Bangalore v Kolkata game after all, but it was a one-sided affair. Again there were four Middlesex heroes on show: Owais and Murali for Kolkata and Eoin and J Kallis for Bangalore. Jacques played a sheet anchor 65*, but Eoin had hit only a quick 10 before an attempted reverse sweep against Kartik failed to connect and Bangalore made only 135 with Kolkata having little trouble in knocking them off; Owais hit the winning runs, but had only come in with half a dozen required. D Steyn took a fearful tonking. I doubt that I will be watching again.
Red Mist, IPL and Hamburger Matters Twenty20 records are being set all the time in the IPL. Royal Challengers Bangalore managed to chase down 204 against Kings XI Punjab whilst Yusuf Pathan hit 11 successive deliveries for either four or six on his way to a 37-ball hundred, playing for Rajasthan against Mumbai. About this innings Hamburger was quoted: “I’ve played cricket for 21 years and I have seen Sachin Tendulkar as the best batsman against whom I have played as he has murdered attacks and hit them all over the park. But today was the best innings I have ever seen.”
Mike Selvey was apoplectic about this quote. He wrote in the Guardian:
“These days, getting intelligent, dispassionate comment from Shane Warne is like using Fox News to form an opinion on the state of the world. But, on the back of some staggeringly hyperbolic nonsense from him this week, I switched on ITV4 on Thursday in time to catch the batting of the Rajasthan Royals' Yusuf Pathan. It was truly comical.
In the space of half an hour, he had been dropped twice, hit on the head, swatted haplessly at the numerous short deliveries that came his way, and, before he was lumberingly run out, cleared his left leg out of the way and agriculturally clumped successive deliveries massively over wide long-on for what are known not as sixes (for one day, make no mistake, Lalit Modi will upgrade their value according to distance travelled) but as DLF maximums. Imagine going to the cinema expecting to see De Niro at his finest and instead getting Terminator 3, and this was it.
He looked a mediocre cumbersome batsman, who I discovered, averages just over 20 both in his 23 ODI innings and 11 Twenty20 innings for India. His assets would seem to be little else but a good eye, considerable strength, and a decent blade that together contrive to propel vast distances anything pitched in his own half. An IPL natural in fact who will bring joy to those who see little else to the game.
So how, last weekend, he managed to score 100 from 37 deliveries is anyone's guess. Presumably he just got lucky in that freakish way that sometimes happens. Not that it stopped Warne from his gushing IPL promotion campaign. Was this one of the best innings seen in the three years of IPL? Up a bit. OK, the best IPL innings, better even than Brendon McCullum's competition pipe-opener, for example? Higher still. Best T20 ever? Best one‑day innings? Dear God, Warnie, forget the greasepaint and the roar of the crowd and all that living-in-the-moment adrenaline stuff. Forget, for a minute, your vested interest in promoting IPL, or even making a team-mate feel even better about himself. Just think before you open your mouth. Nope.
Harry Lime Matters
Long term readers of these pages will know my views on the ridiculous modern practice of discouraging fast bowlers from bowling the correct line by eliminating the essential position of third man. I was, therefore, delighted to receive Jim Revier’s piece which I published in last month’s edition. The Great Jack Morgan added the following:
“Third man disappeared a long time ago because great sages of the game like I Chappell and M Brearley saw it as a purely defensive position which hardly ever got the team a wicket. I quite like a third man myself, but it has to be admitted that the ball goes very quickly down there and with today's short boundaries and fast outfields, the fielder often cannot cut off the ball anyway unless it goes more or less straight to him. Another position with a film named after it? Deep Cover. I have told off JSCR for his single-handed attempt to abolish the possessive apostrophe.”
During the second test in Bangladesh I received another email from Jim Revier:
“Sorry to bang on, but I’ve just read this on the BBC Cricket site:
“Of the 89 runs scored in the first 90 minutes, 45 came through the continually vacant third man area ". Where is the good Dr. Valentine when you need him?”
I send a hard copy of Googlies to Laurie Valentine each month. It would be good to hear from him on this issue and to gain some insights into the techniques he adopted whilst patrolling the third man boundary.
Carl Goldsmith
Bob Peach informed me that Carl Goldsmith died earlier this year. Carl will have been known to all Shepherds Bush readers. He went on to play at Pinner.
Old Danes Matters
Shepherds Bush CC has again kindly agreed to host an Old Danes Gathering on Friday 30th July 2010. All Old Danes from any generation will be welcome and in the past three years there have been representatives from the forties, fifties, sixties and seventies. It is appreciated that some attendees have to travel considerable distances and wives, partners and non OD friends will also be made welcome. The event will start around 2pm and will continue into the evening so it is possible to join the event at any stage during the afternoon. The bar is open all afternoon and food will be available. Would Old Danes please reply whether or not you plan to attend so that I can start to circulate a list of planned attendees to encourage others to join us.
Football Matters
Andrew Baker is rightly proud of the achievements of his Ladies team. When he announced that he was going to hold an end of season awards ceremony to recognise special contributions Kelvin West suddenly appeared with a bagful of trophies which he insisted on presenting personally to every member of the squad. Ken Molloy was on hand to capture the happy event for you.
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An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 88
April 2010
Caption Competition
1. Bob Taylor: Where is the regular keeper? 2. Ian Bell: Lucky bastard. Matt Prior: I’d count that as a good shot. 3. Ian Bell: Come back Straussy, all is forgiven. Let’s get Cooky back at short leg. 4. Shakib al Hasan: IPL here I come. 5. Jim Revier: Another four because there’s no third man. 6. Matt Prior: If you think that bounced laddie, wait till you play at Old Trafford. 7. David Abbey: There she goes! 8. Jack Robertson: You didn’t learn that shot from me. Keep it on the ground. Out and About with the Professor Annual General Meetings are strange social institutions. Some people who attend, given a captive audience, take the opportunity to ramble on for hours in perfect “pub bore” mode; others, who have been saying for months that they are going to tell some “home truths”, get struck dumb. Many people, speaking in a public forum, adopt a different manner of speech and start saying things like: “with reference to”, and “notwithstanding”, and so on, as if they have caught a dose of “legalese”.
My first ever cricket AGMs were at Shepherds Bush, presided over by a man called Dennis Austen who was a sort of Professor Jimmy Edwards parody complete with unruly moustache and inflated self-importance. In a scruffy pavilion it was all very formal and my memory is of people insulting each other in what they took to be proper AGM language.
Hertfordshire AGMs in the early ‘70s took place in January in a dark chilly room in County Hall where the then secretary read out (or sometimes mis-read) his extremely lengthy hand-written report pausing, every so often, only to try to read his own handwriting. Welwyn Garden City AGMs, by contrast, occupied the minimal amount of time necessary prior to the opening of the bar – the only contested elections we had were for which of two equally reluctant volunteers should be Sunday 3rd XI Vice-Captain…or whatever.
I was musing on this topic last week when I went off, on a bright spring day, to my first ever Yorkshire County Cricket Club AGM. It was held in the new Long Room and was very well attended (I didn’t count, but here must have been between 300-400 people there). AGMs are not famously attractive to youth and indeed the Headingley throng could easily have doubled as the occupants of the nearby “Sunny Days” retirement home. There were the predictable questions: had Martyn Moxon thought of standing down (or “considered his position”…this was an AGM), why did we let Hoggard go, and when will we have a proper Yorkshire team again, i.e. one made up of Yorkshiremen. Indeed one contributor from the floor remembered a day’s play when all 15 people on the field were born in Yorkshire – the home team, both opposition batsmen and both umpires. There were lots of good wishes for the new captain, Andrew Gale, and yet more promotion of the “iconic” (no less) new pavilion. The finances of the latter seem to be in a less than iconic state since the latest offer is a seat for the whole season for £250 provided an interest-free loan of £3,000 had been made. The repayment date of the loan (15 years) did not, for the octogenarians present, seem that attractive.
The new President is one Raymond Illingworth who gave a surprisingly witty acceptance speech. He compared the “magnificent” facilities now at Headingley with those when he first arrived in the late 1940s. The indoor cricket set-up has inevitably changed its name from cricket “school” to “academy” but in “our Raymond’s” time it was called the Winter Shed. “And it were a good name an’ all.” “There were no ‘eating in’t changing rooms or nets and it were bloomin’ freezing” The winter shed had, apparently, a glass roof so that you could play by what daylight they get in Leeds in February… the problem was that it leaked. “It were the only indoor cricket facility I’ve ever ‘eard of where you ‘ad to put down sawdust”. And so on. The new Pres promised to work tirelessly for the Club and welcomed every member to play a full and active part and we all promised to do so. So, a good AGM…I wonder what the cricket will be like?
And then later
What were your conclusions about the recent foray on the sub-continent? The papers seem to have stuck to the "did what was expected" line - needed to win and did so; Cook enhanced his reputation, form for Bell, Pietersen, Swann, etc; Bresnan took his chance, and so on. All of this was laced with some gentle patronising - Bangladesh not up to Test standard, lots to learn, rather naive in their approach (Atherton in particular seemed to favour that description), etc. It was as though by being there they had been infused with the spirit of the Raj. "These chappies, they try jolly hard and all that, but their not quite up to it, don't ye' know".
Well, given the early hour, I was able to watch quite a bit of the two Tests and the three one-dayers and I didn't think Bangladesh were too bad. There was some poor bowling on the last day when they had clearly given up, and the fielding was a bit ropey at times (as was England’s) but there were a couple of times in the "series" when they were on top and occasions when their top order made our (presumably non-naive, and highly-paid) bowlers look very ordinary indeed.
I was musing on this thought when I went to a meeting the other day and sat next to County Councillor Heseltine. Councillor Heseltine is from Skipton and is very pleased with himself because after a 10 year money raising campaign they had just unveiled a statue of Skipton's most famous resident (and the Councillor's boyhood hero) - Fred Trueman. The Councillor was, I'm pleased to say, much more interested in talking about his hero than the business of the meeting and I heard all about tea in Fred's house, and what wonderful company he was, and a great man, and a great Yorkshireman, and...and...I mentioned the just-finished series to my new-found chum, thinking that he would take the position of the patronisers, but not a bit of it. "I thought sum' o' them looked pretty 'andy, meself" and "I can remember when Fred skittled out India an' we thought they were all rubbish - an' look at them now".
Quite so, Councillor. Let's all admire the cricket and drop the superciliousness...it may one day come back to bite us.
Agony Matters Our resident guru, Arthur Smartahs, continues to answer readers’ letters
From Monty, Hove
Dear Arthur,
For several years I was the Great Brown Hope of English cricket. Every time I got a wicket I would run and jump and high five with the gang and everyone loved me. But in no time I found myself bowling over the wicket and faster and faster and some said that I even started looking like Gilo. I used to play at Northampton but all those nasty South Africans kept swearing at me and I almost gave up bowling completely to concentrate on my fielding. I brought my turban down to Hove last winter but now I find that the South Africans have all been packed off to where they came from and I realise that the tracks at Hove may be harder to get wickets on than those at Northampton. I am at my wits end. What am I to do?
Dear Monty,
Pull yourself together man. You sound like a big girl’s blouse. It is absolutely essential that you completely ignore all bowling coaches from now on. You must bowl round the wicket at all times to right handers and try to recover your loop, which you should attempt to land regularly on a length. On no account must you bowl anything like your new county skipper, Yardy, whose spinners are closer to the bowling of Fred Rumsey. You must start telling everyone who will listen to you that you have now developed a ball that goes the other way. It doesn’t matter that you haven’t, as it will be months before the opposition batters realise that. You will need to project a mature air, which will necessitate cutting out all that silly celebrating in the event that you take a wicket. In the field you will probably find it better to just ignore balls that are hit in your direction rather than bend and fumble them. All of this will require big changes for you. No chances of you shaving and having a haircut are there?
Uncle Arthur
From Ravi, Chelmsford
Dear Arthur,
Last year I was the Great Brown Hope of English cricket. I went to the Caribbean and clobbered the weakest bowling attack in world cricket and then when, a couple of weeks later they came to England, I did the same over here. But then I got selected to play in the Ashes and it was completely different. They didn’t play fair. They didn’t bowl me friendly long hops and full tosses every over and seemed to know just how to get me out. In no time I had become a laughing stock and was packed off back to Chelmsford. To make matters worse I didn’t get a free holiday with Team England this winter. I am at my wits end. What am I to do?
Dear Ravi,
Life is not so bad at Chelmsford. Your Uncle Graham will keep an eye on you and he will whisper in Mr Flower’s ear when the time is right. Meanwhile you can gorge yourself on county bowling in much the way that Mike Gatting did. Your place seems to have been taken by Blocker Trott, which is good news for you. People will soon get tired of watching his tedious approach at the crease and in no time the papers will hound him out of the team. Before you know it they will be clambering for your stroke play and you will find yourself selected for the winter tour to Australia. Your nightmare can then start all over again.
Arthur
From Owais, Radlett
Dear Arthur,
For many years I dreamed of being the Great Brown Hope of English cricket. When I eventually got my chance I blew it by developing hand cramps. I didn’t do badly in ODIs and tore the Protean attack apart in the Champions Trophy but then they dropped me because they said my fielding was indifferent and my running between the wickets left a little to be desired. I am at my wits end. What am I to do?
Dear Owais,
Get real man, your fielding is terrible and your running between the wickets makes kamikaze flying seem like a safe exercise. But there is nothing wrong with this and they were once prized attributes of international cricketers. The small-minded people who run Team England don’t appreciate such old fashioned virtues, though, which give you a problem. I suggest that you take a leaf out of Mark of Kennington’s book and set about proving them wrong by scoring so many runs in county cricket that any lapses in the field and between the wickets will pale into insignificance. You never know, in ten years time they will start saying you ought to be selected again. They won’t pick you though. By the way how are things developing at Radlett? Can you get there from anywhere in Middlesex in less than five hours?
Arthur
England Matters
The Great Jack Morgan gives us his thoughts on the Bangladesh tour
C Kieswetter will make his England ODI debut in Sunday's first ODI and predictably the xenophobes are already having a chirp ("bloody foreigners... coming over here... strengthening our cricket team... bastards!"). As you would expect, I have no sympathy with them: he has a Scottish mother, he has qualified by residence and we live in such a mobile society that it is unrealistic to expect people to remain in the country of their birth throughout their lives... get used to it!
Yes! Excellent! England did go back to Dunc's much underused ploy of playing two keepers in ODIs. This is a subtle and cunning tactic and only the deepest strategic thinkers on the game are able to understand the advantages to gained from it, but I think it could catch on. It could even spread to other sports... two goalkeepers anyone?
Sidey is out of the tour and Broady and Bunny are also injured so Bresnan is now in the squad and Finny is flying out to join up for the Test matches. I would have said that Finny did not have much chance of playing as people like Shahzad and Plunkers are ahead of him, but poor Liam has hardly bowled all winter, while Shahzad has not been pulling up trees. Now I hear that Liam (and Luke) bowled only two overs in today's 3rd ODI (in which Kieswetter and Bresnan were the stars) while Colly bowled ten (0-51). This is ludicrous! This is a match that we could probably have won if the two keepers had done the bowling and we had won the series anyway, so why did we not take the opportunity to find out what the young fringe bowlers could do? Instead we found out that Colly (nearly 34) cannot bowl out the Bangles and have learnt little or nothing about Liam and Luke: where does that get us? It was good to see Tredders doing well in the warm up match; he is not one of my heroes, but I was alarmed by talk of relying on the "South African" line-up of 3 seamers and one spinner...ridiculous! Tredders must play! Which is more than I will say for KP.
Crikey! D Hopps says Bunny won't be fit and that Finny will pip Shahzad and Plunkers for the last place! I do not really approve as you know, but if they are really going to take him to Australia, this could be a good opportunity to ease him in? Leaving the debate about Finny on one side, I thought Hoppsy's team looked surprisingly well balanced (5 batters, 3 seamers, 2 spinners).
Crikey! S Brenkley doesn't agree with Hopps: his side has 6 batters (inc Carberry), 2 seamers (Broad and Bresnan) and 2 spinners, a team so dreadfully unbalanced that it is likely to be correct! However, I hope Brenkers is wrong and Hoppsy right. Bunny is out of the tour and on his way home and nobody seems to give Davies, Plunkett, Shahzad or Wright a chance of selection.
Neither Hopps nor Brenkley was right as the rumours of the negative "South African" line-up of 6 batters and one spinner proved correct: why did we think that this time they might actually play two spinners? Boring, defensive bastards. They are scared of losing to the Bangles, which is more embarrassing than actually losing to them would be. I hope England do lose, then they can stop worrying about it. I was so disgusted when I saw the team on teletext that I just switched off the television without even checking the score and took no interest in the match whatsoever.
Dream Team Matters
Paddy Carlin selects a side
I stayed recently with the Professor in snowy Yorkshire and we mused on the best players over the past forty years to have played at WGCCC’s Digswell Park ground. This was prompted by a photograph of the Professor playing against Charlie Griffith when a Barbados XI played there around 1970. The Professor seemed to be playing him quite calmly. He was doing it the Boycott way- i.e. from the non striker’s end. Anyway I have selected an eclectic XI of Distinguished Visitors who have played at WGC. The GJM might note that I have two fairly useful wicket keepers in my team, should he wish to borrow one. The batting order is:
Geoff Boycott- A Smith, Kline, French XI
Justin Langer- Old Millhillians
Keith Fletcher- Royston
Adam Gilchrist- Stoics
Owais Shah- Middlesex
John Murray-Headway XI
Phil de Freitas- Sudbury Court
Fred Trueman- Headway XI
Geoff Arnold- Headway XI
Colin Croft- Hemel Hempstead
Charlie Griffith- Barbados Select XI
In reserve we could have Peter Such in the unlikely event that a spinner would be needed or Paul Taylor should we need a sixth seamer. Headway was a local construction company run by a cricket nut who provided cricket week opposition each year.
Meanwhile Bob Proctor is not the sort of man to let the Great Jack Morgan criticize his selection without fighting back Well, well, well. The Great Jack Morgan does have plenty to say about my Aussie side - Blimey! Talk about unbalanced teams! (fought I was back in the White City for a moment!!) My first comment is that I did pick 12 players - and twelfers J Gillespie is a fast bowler with a very good record? Jack mentions Gillespie?? - and some other candidates like D Fleming, J Gillespie, M Bichel, M Johnson and N Hauritz are also useful batters. I am surprised that Jack left out J Langer in the Aussie top 5 batsmen - my top five would be Hayden, Langer, Ponting, Waugh and Clarke
Getting back to 'unbalanced' - McGrath, Lee and Warne can all bowl out sides and be match winners on their own - with a little bit of help from 'Tugga' and if I recall Ponting was more than a useful 'club bowler at best' as a younger man - I would also like to mention that Clarke has taken the occasional important wicket over the years ?
I remember back to my days at Brentham CC. We didn't need any more bowlers than Brian Reid, Alan Holley and John Swann to win most of our games.
Bob’s final brag here may prompt some readers to recall occasions when their clubs found scoring against Brentham rather easier than Bob’s memories through rose coloured recall.
Don Matters
In 1971 Don Wallis was elected captain of the South Hampstead Sunday 1st XI. Bob Peach was captain of the Saturday side and Bill Hart was vice captain on both days. This was the era before league cricket and the Sunday fixture list was as strong as that on Saturdays and the matches were just as competitive. However, South Hampstead was going through a transition with many of Bob Peach’s side of the sixties either retired or moved away and several of the younger players had either disappointed or not yet fulfilled their potential.
Don and Bill were past their best as quick bowlers and both carried reputations as being difficult characters. They were, therefore, an unlikely pair to lead the club. Some strange sides took the field under them in 1971 and their record was, not surprisingly, less than flattering. Of the 22 matches played only two were won and there were seven defeats. But one of these defeats went on to have a much greater significance than could possibly have been anticipated at the time. On Sunday 29 August 1971 Edmonton only managed 156 thanks to Bill Hart’s 5 for 14, but when Clarke bowled Alan Cox, who was probably closer to the square leg umpire than the stumps, South Hampstead were 30 runs short. This was to be the side’s last defeat until Sunday 25 May 1975 when Reading won a low scoring match by just 4 runs.
In 1972 thirteen of the 23 matches played were won and at the end of the season Bill decided to leave the club for geographically more convenient fixtures. Don asked me to be his vice captain for 1973 when 14 of the twenty matches were won. In 1974 we won eleven of twenty played. The unbeaten run extended for 73 games in total of which forty three were won and twenty seven were drawn. There were significant changes in the players during this period but Don would be the first to recognise the contribution of Terry Cordaroy who hardly missed a match despite often having attractive offers to play in prestigious MCC and other matches.
At first no one realised that an unbeaten run was being established but it could not be ignored once end of season statistics drew attention to it. Some argued in the later period that Don had become conservative and was content to draw matches in order to preserve the record. I am not sure that this is true. What is indisputable is that, completely unexpectedly, Don became a magnificent captain almost from the outset and was innovative and completely committed. Paradoxically it has to be said he led from the front by force of character but with minimal personal contribution with the bat or ball.
During the month after the defeat by Reading in 1975 Don was taken seriously ill and had major surgery. He only made a few subsequent appearances on the field of play. I took over as captain about which I have written previously in these pages.
Middlesex Matters
The Great Jack Morgan gives us the Skinny on the boys from Radlett
I'm never really happy with the strength of the Middlesex squad. We have a lot of promising lads, but it is very hard to tell who is going to make it and who isn't (I'm still not convinced about one of our lads who is now in the Test team!). It doesn't look as if Ntini is coming aboard and there is no news of a replacement, but Gus apparently has some recruits in the pipeline whom he cannot yet reveal. On limited viewing, I think Iain O'B is a high class bowler (though a little elderly); he has no reputation as a bat (he was averaging 3 in Tests in the 2009 Playfair), but ever since Jeff Coleman told me that he was joining back in August/ September time, I have kept an eye on his scores and he has not done badly and is definitely ahead of Finny, Ntini and Evans and most of those innings were in international cricket. Finny's absence on international duty would be an unforeseen blow and would leave the pace bowling unit looking vulnerable to injury once again. Iain should provide a potent new ball attack with Tim Murtagh, but they will have to shoulder a heavy burden of responsibility and workload, especially if Finny is absent. Overall, I do not think the squad is strong enough: compared to 2008 (a year in which we finished third, not bad, but not good enough for promotion to division one), Ed Joyce, Ed Smith, Nick Compton and Billy Godleman have been replaced by Neil Dexter and Scott Newman; Dirk Nannes, Alan Richardson and Chris Silverwood have been replaced by Iain O'Brien; Chris Peploe and Murali Kartik have been replaced by Tom Smith; and David Nash and Ben Scott (temporarily at least) have been replaced by John Simpson; which are the areas that have been strengthened? I cannot see one.
WGCCC Matters
Paddy Carlin updates us on pre-season developments
WGCCC will be going into the 2010 season with a new President as the Professor has reluctantly given in to geography and has relinquished the role. He is succeeded by David Beynon who is also the current President of Hertfordshire cricket. Both Presidents are former first eleven captains.
The 2010 side will be captained by Aaron Laraman (ex Middlesex, Somerset, Finchley and Winchmore Hill) with Jamie Hewitt( ex Middlesex and Kent) as his vice captain. The team will be to all intents and purposes Hertfordshire because in addition to 2009’s seven county players there are three more Hertfordshire players joining. An Aussie batsman, Chris Grant, is joining as club coach from Melbourne University. The club will need all of these resources to challenge effectively the likes of Henley, High Wycombe and Banbury.
IPL Matters
The IPL can now be seen in Hampton where the Great Jack Morgan made his debut
I did, however, watch Deccan v Kolkata on ITV4. Some of the shots played were dire, the noise was absolutely intolerable, the advertising was irritating, the identification of players by the commentators was poor, there were no visible scoreboards and glimpses of the scorecard were very rare, but the actual match was quite interesting as Owais (58* on debut) and Angelo Mathews (65*) rescued Kolkata from 31 for 4 to put them in with a shout at 161-4. Deccan reached a lucky 99-1 (A Gilchrist 54) and it seemed impossible for them to lose from there, but they managed it comfortably, collapsing to 150-7. Apart from Owais and Adam, other Middlesex heroes featuring were C Vaas and M Kartik. I doubt that I will get hooked on this crap, but I'll probably give it another look. Owais and the lads take on Eoin's boys tomorrow (Sun) morning, but unfortunately, I have to go out.
I did manage to see most of the Bangalore v Kolkata game after all, but it was a one-sided affair. Again there were four Middlesex heroes on show: Owais and Murali for Kolkata and Eoin and J Kallis for Bangalore. Jacques played a sheet anchor 65*, but Eoin had hit only a quick 10 before an attempted reverse sweep against Kartik failed to connect and Bangalore made only 135 with Kolkata having little trouble in knocking them off; Owais hit the winning runs, but had only come in with half a dozen required. D Steyn took a fearful tonking. I doubt that I will be watching again.
Red Mist, IPL and Hamburger Matters Twenty20 records are being set all the time in the IPL. Royal Challengers Bangalore managed to chase down 204 against Kings XI Punjab whilst Yusuf Pathan hit 11 successive deliveries for either four or six on his way to a 37-ball hundred, playing for Rajasthan against Mumbai. About this innings Hamburger was quoted: “I’ve played cricket for 21 years and I have seen Sachin Tendulkar as the best batsman against whom I have played as he has murdered attacks and hit them all over the park. But today was the best innings I have ever seen.”
Mike Selvey was apoplectic about this quote. He wrote in the Guardian:
“These days, getting intelligent, dispassionate comment from Shane Warne is like using Fox News to form an opinion on the state of the world. But, on the back of some staggeringly hyperbolic nonsense from him this week, I switched on ITV4 on Thursday in time to catch the batting of the Rajasthan Royals' Yusuf Pathan. It was truly comical.
In the space of half an hour, he had been dropped twice, hit on the head, swatted haplessly at the numerous short deliveries that came his way, and, before he was lumberingly run out, cleared his left leg out of the way and agriculturally clumped successive deliveries massively over wide long-on for what are known not as sixes (for one day, make no mistake, Lalit Modi will upgrade their value according to distance travelled) but as DLF maximums. Imagine going to the cinema expecting to see De Niro at his finest and instead getting Terminator 3, and this was it.
He looked a mediocre cumbersome batsman, who I discovered, averages just over 20 both in his 23 ODI innings and 11 Twenty20 innings for India. His assets would seem to be little else but a good eye, considerable strength, and a decent blade that together contrive to propel vast distances anything pitched in his own half. An IPL natural in fact who will bring joy to those who see little else to the game.
So how, last weekend, he managed to score 100 from 37 deliveries is anyone's guess. Presumably he just got lucky in that freakish way that sometimes happens. Not that it stopped Warne from his gushing IPL promotion campaign. Was this one of the best innings seen in the three years of IPL? Up a bit. OK, the best IPL innings, better even than Brendon McCullum's competition pipe-opener, for example? Higher still. Best T20 ever? Best one‑day innings? Dear God, Warnie, forget the greasepaint and the roar of the crowd and all that living-in-the-moment adrenaline stuff. Forget, for a minute, your vested interest in promoting IPL, or even making a team-mate feel even better about himself. Just think before you open your mouth. Nope.
Harry Lime Matters
Long term readers of these pages will know my views on the ridiculous modern practice of discouraging fast bowlers from bowling the correct line by eliminating the essential position of third man. I was, therefore, delighted to receive Jim Revier’s piece which I published in last month’s edition. The Great Jack Morgan added the following:
“Third man disappeared a long time ago because great sages of the game like I Chappell and M Brearley saw it as a purely defensive position which hardly ever got the team a wicket. I quite like a third man myself, but it has to be admitted that the ball goes very quickly down there and with today's short boundaries and fast outfields, the fielder often cannot cut off the ball anyway unless it goes more or less straight to him. Another position with a film named after it? Deep Cover. I have told off JSCR for his single-handed attempt to abolish the possessive apostrophe.”
During the second test in Bangladesh I received another email from Jim Revier:
“Sorry to bang on, but I’ve just read this on the BBC Cricket site:
“Of the 89 runs scored in the first 90 minutes, 45 came through the continually vacant third man area ". Where is the good Dr. Valentine when you need him?”
I send a hard copy of Googlies to Laurie Valentine each month. It would be good to hear from him on this issue and to gain some insights into the techniques he adopted whilst patrolling the third man boundary.
Carl Goldsmith
Bob Peach informed me that Carl Goldsmith died earlier this year. Carl will have been known to all Shepherds Bush readers. He went on to play at Pinner.
Old Danes Matters
Shepherds Bush CC has again kindly agreed to host an Old Danes Gathering on Friday 30th July 2010. All Old Danes from any generation will be welcome and in the past three years there have been representatives from the forties, fifties, sixties and seventies. It is appreciated that some attendees have to travel considerable distances and wives, partners and non OD friends will also be made welcome. The event will start around 2pm and will continue into the evening so it is possible to join the event at any stage during the afternoon. The bar is open all afternoon and food will be available. Would Old Danes please reply whether or not you plan to attend so that I can start to circulate a list of planned attendees to encourage others to join us.
Football Matters
Andrew Baker is rightly proud of the achievements of his Ladies team. When he announced that he was going to hold an end of season awards ceremony to recognise special contributions Kelvin West suddenly appeared with a bagful of trophies which he insisted on presenting personally to every member of the squad. Ken Molloy was on hand to capture the happy event for you.
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