GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 31
July 2005
Looking forward to the Ashes Good news:
Steve Harmison seems to have recovered some of his accuracy and hostility of 2004.
Freddie Flintoff is bowling better than could have been hoped since his operation. And that’s about it.
Bad news:
The Aussies have sorted out the England opening pair who filled their boots against Bangla Desh but managed less than 70 in six innings between them leading up to the final of the triangular series.
The Aussies have worked out what a poor bunch of fielders the England team, particularly the bowlers, and they now take one at will to mid on and mid off. And this is before Thorpey joins the side.
England will stick doggedly to their centrally contracted players until form or injuries make this impossible. Those hoping to see Pieterson make his test debut could have a long wait.
The Warne factor is still lurking in the background. Brad Hogg has caused plenty of problems with his back of the hand stuff particularly against England’s big hitting middle order. He gives way to Hamburger for the real thing.
Nevertheless, Bob Proctor enjoyed taking the piss out of his colleagues and friends in Perth, and this was before the defeats against Bangle Desh and England: “I have been trying to discuss Cricket with my current Australian colleagues who appear extremely reluctant to mention anything about the game. I have to remind them that not only did they lose in the Confederation Cup (Soccer) to Germany yesterday and the 20-20 game on Monday (the Aussies are now calling it a 'tip and run' pantomime) - they also lost to our Cider drinkers in Somerset (albeit a Sri Lankan and South African scored the runs - not mentioned by me!) I am hoping all the noise I make now does not quieten down as the test matches approach.”
Wullers suggested: “I think our only hope is for Warnie to be caught texting weather tips to William Hill or whoever the major bookie is, and for Ponting to fall off the wagon and get in a blue over a transsexual in some seedy night club. We can only hope.”
Googlies has opened its own book on Ashes matters:
Will either side have a player leave the field to attend a family function- birth of a child, uncle’s funeral, nephew’s first day at school etc
England-evens, Australia 100 to 1
What are the chances of Mark Butcher playing in any test?
10 to 1
Will Graham Thorpe concede more runs in the field than he scores with the bat?
3 to 1
Which wicket keeper will score most runs?
Jones 100 to 1, Gilchrist 2 to 1 on.
The odds on England’s fast bowlers playing in all five tests
Hoggard 3:1, Harmison 4:1, Jones 50:1, Flintoff 10:1, Gough 1000:1, Caddick 1,000,000:1
Who will be the first captain to be summoned before the match referee?
Vaughan 2:1 on, Ponting evens
Twenty20 Matters
When the Professor organised tickets for this year’s sell out bash at Lords between Middlesex and Surrey I thought that it would be churlish to decline the invite to join his party. Frank Foreman and Keith, a colleague from WGCCC, joined us.
Once seated in the new grandstand before the proceedings commenced the lads behind us entered into the spirit of the occasion by opening a bottle of champagne. The cork joined a number of others on the outfield but unfortunately the bulk of the champagne shot out of the bottle and down the back of my shirt.
I was disappointed, or rather relieved, that at Lords there is very little ballyhoo at these games. There was no speed dating, speed shagging, bouncy castles, tombola, reggae bands, rap artists or other distractions. Even the music that greeted boundary hits was restrained but Frank and I, not wanting to be thought square, devised a hand jive along with a swaying motion to accompany each blast.
Surrey batted first against Middlesex’s meagre bowling resources and only Pathan posed any threat. He was also the pick of some outstanding ground fielding. Brown, Thornely and Clarke all looked in good nick and although the ball flew around there was very little outright slogging. This meant that a daunting 200 score was posted. You quickly realise that if you have to score at ten an over the quick single is really of no use unless you have already scored the mandatory two boundaries per over.
Middlesex’s reply was impressive to say the least. Ed Smith played a series of majestic off drives but he was bowled in the fourth over by Tim Murtagh for 33. This brought Styris in to join Shah and they seemed to having a private contest to be the first to hit the ball over the new three-decker tavern stand. They made such good progress that by the end of the fourteenth over they had reached 148 for 1 and were ahead of the asking rate. But then Murtagh returned and Shah found Brown at long on and Dalrymple was bowled playing across the line. The Middlesex innings was falling apart and by the time Murtagh returned for his fourth over they needed an unlikely 29 from two overs. Murtagh picked up three wickets in this over to finish with an extraordinary 6 for 24 from his four over allotment. Middlesex lost their last nine wickets in five overs.
The Professor enjoying Twenty20 fever at Lords
Is Twenty20 worth it? We were treated to a spectacular display of stroke making but everything happens at a gallop and there is no chance for sub plots to emerge and develop. If things go wrong they quickly get out of hand and there is little chance of recovery. I also found that there was little opportunity to chat with your companions that forms such an important part of a full day’s cricket watching.
Out and About with the Professor
We had our Summer Ball at WGCCC in June - 250 in dinner jackets and frocks. Lots of booze. All in all, a pretty good bash. I met up with Tim Lamb (his son is due to play for us when he finishes university) and he seems happy enough, although still without employment following his departure from the ECB.
WGCCC are not having the season we would wish. 2nds, 3rds and 4ths all doing well but not the one team you want to do well. On Saturday our 215 was knocked off for 2 by West Herts who open with a chap called Parlane who, when he is not playing for West Herts, bats number 4 for Wellington. He was certainly too good for our bowling which is looking decidedly thin at present.
There is some success around however. You know that I am keen on junior cricket and that we have a thriving colts section. Like everything success seems to go in cycles but at present we have a particularly strong Under 11 side. The County have introduced an inter-district competition for this age group and the Welwyn-Hatfield team has 6 of our boys taking part. They were celebrating a win last week. They scored 240-6 declared with one of our boys getting 100. The opposition didn't do quite so well...they scored 4.
Ian Jerman Mike Talbot-butler was kind enough to inform me that Ian Jerman had died of cancer on May 30, aged 62. I circulated this sad news to those who I thought would like to know and received several responses, but first some observations of my own.
At South Hampstead we first encountered Ian when he turned out alongside his father, Jerry, and his brother for the Essex Wanderers at South Hampstead in the mid sixties. A number of euphemisms have been used to describe Ian’s approach to the game: competitive, enthusiastic and excitable. He clearly recognised a home for these skills and talents when he moved to West London and joined South Hampstead in 1969.
Ian had an ungainly gait for a sportsman and this was exacerbated by the extremely long white sleeveless sweater that he invariably wore. He was primarily a quick opening bowler and could usually manage to swing even an old ball, particularly if Harold Stubbs was available to shine it for him. On his day he could be quite quick and when he pitched the ball up could be a real handful with his out swing. His talents as a batsman should not be overlooked and he could normally be relied upon to score some critical runs in the lower order when they were needed.
In 1974 he was elected Vice Captain of the Saturday First XI and by the middle of May found himself captaining the side full time. I suspect that he never anticipated this outcome nor the League and Cup double that he led the club to.
When Don Wallis was taken ill in 1975 and I found myself skippering the Sunday First XI it was with more than trepidation that I found myself leading a side with many high level temperaments and considerably more experience than me. In the event I found Ian very supportive and he helped me settle quickly into this difficult but rewarding position.
In 1976 Ian’s business commitments took him to Cheshire where he joined Alderley Edge as a player and later went on to become their Chairman. Fortunately Ian was able to make our reunion in 2004 and I am sure that he enjoyed the occasion although clearly he was unwell at the time. We certainly appreciated seeing him for what turned out to be the last time.
Bill Hart sent me the following:
I was desperately sorry to hear the news about Ian. It meant so much to me to see him last September. There have been few people that I have met who I liked more! I first came across his father, Gerry, at Romford CC in about 1955. The Old Grammarians had a good relationship with them and played them 3 times a year. I vaguely remember Jerry, two young sons, but the first real meeting was when SH played a wandering team from Essex that included all three Jermans. From first meeting Ian and I got on perfectly, and he was not only the best opening partner that I ever had, but also the nicest. This tragedy proves the saying that the good die young, and probably means that Wallis and I will go on for a long time yet.
Colin Price sent this:
I was very sorry to hear about Ian Jerman. He was an integral part of a team I was very pleased to be a member of in the early seventies and I remember him well as a fierce competitor.
Steve Thompson sent me these notes and the picture of the victorious 1974 team at Winchmore Hill:
I suppose my abiding memories will be his highly idiosyncratic bowling action and his farewell to Alexandra Palace's unkempt ground only to have to reappear there early the following season in the first round of the national.
He was a deceptively effective new ball bowler, and on days where conditions were conducive he could swing the ball prodigiously. If, as I often was, you were in the slip cordon there was no dozing off because you were always likely to be in with a chance of something coming your way and having once had the glare after shelling one I don't think I did again.
It was his action though that I will never forget. Blofeld might have described his approach as mincing but it was more than that. Unusually he held the ball in both hands in front of him for the majority of his approach and his hands would waggle from side to side until the final few strides. It was like Groucho Marx water-divining at a canter.
In a side generally blessed with a lot of batting he was often unused at number 9 but when the chips were down, notably against Southgate in the area final of the National in 1975, he could turn a game round with some very astute clinical hitting.
One of the club's great competitors, when he found himself captain at short notice in 1974 he made the most of it. I remember sometime during that summer whilst at University I was playing something like my 33rd game of cricket in 33 days and got a first-baller at Barnet in the Wills Trophy. Looking for an excuse I said that I was 'stale'. “ Fucking stale at your age, bollocks!” came the reply.
It sounds a bit corny but when he couldn't play in the decisive final league match at Ealing because of Glenlivet's Centenary Celebrations I really do think it spurred everyone on to ensure Ian didn't feel worse than he already obviously did about missing the game. It was a memorable summer and I'll always associate my memories of it with Ian.
Left to right: Nigel Ross, Colin Price, Steve Hatherall, Alan Cox, the Legendary Len Stubbs, Ian Jerman, Ossie Burton, Terry Cordaroy, Allen Bruton, Steve Thompson and Lincoln Sylburne. Audrey Hawdon was the scorer, seated.
Bob Peach sent this letter to Ian’s son Alex:
Ian was certainly a keen and competitive cricketer and his contribution to the club as captain of our only league and cup double winners in 1974 is firmly entrenched in the club’s records. After his move north we had inevitably less direct and regular contact. It was therefore terrific that he made the considerable effort to attend the club’s re-union last September and I trust enjoy many memories with old colleagues and friends. Ian’s fighting approach to his health problems clearly reflected the way he played his cricket.
Although it is many years ago, on a more personal basis, both Diana and myself remember warmly the enjoyable (well mostly!) occasions our respective families shared both within and outside the cricketing arena.
The following appeared in Mike Talbot-Butler’s newsletter for Cheshire cricket:
There was a large turn-out of family, colleagues and players at the Memorial Service for former Alderley Edge player and chairman Ian Jerman at St. Philip’s Church, Alderley Edge last Thursday. His cremation had taken place at Macclesfield earlier in the day. Ian died on May 30th aged 62 cancer.
Essex Festival Week in Southend I don’t think that I ever played cricket with Peter Butler, but for several seasons in the seventies he and I were teammates in Touche Ross’ formidable Sunday football side, the Tristars. He is now an Essex CCC committeeman with special responsibilities for keeping the Southend festival week alive. Peter makes his debut in these pages:
On Sunday 7th August Essex play Middlesex in a historic encounter that will commemorate the 100th year of county cricket being played in Southend. It will also mark the debut of a new ground Garon’s Park – some one and a half miles north of the Southchurch Park ground that was first used by Essex in 1906.
Two years ago I was elected to the committee of Essex County Cricket Club. The finances of top cricket clubs are in nearly as bad a state as those of professional football clubs but it seemed to me trying to ensure the sustainability of first class cricket in a county format was worth a little effort. I am also a great believer in Festival cricket. I was first introduced to the county game at Chalkwell and Southchurch Parks in my hometown of Southend in the late 1950s. In August 2003 I was given an ultimatum – become the chairman of a new sub-committee to take responsibility for the Southend Festival and make it profitable or we close it. We inherited a 2003-week with £35,000 of revenues, £43,000 of marginal costs (no player’s wages or allocations from Chelmsford admin) and a third year of marginal losses. The treasurer said we could make £20,000 marginal contribution from playing the games at Chelmsford. That is your bottom line.
In our first year ‘under new management’ we achieved a surplus of £19,698 on a turnover of £83,583. By the skin of our teeth we survive. But the important thing is that our huge public success in 2004 is indeed the dawn of a new era and with strong backing from the local council we have moved to a new ground. We intend to turn this into a local Centre of Cricketing Excellence for young players from the South Essex Cricket Board district and have launched a £200,000 public appeal whereby every pound raised will be matched by a contribution from the Essex & Southend Sports Trust – a charity which I chair. So far we are about a fifth of the way there.
I have invited past and present Googlies contributors to be my guest for lunch and the rest of the day at this event. If anyone would like to join us let me know and I will try to fit you in
Your Season Steve Thompson turned out for the MCC at the Cathedral School in Hereford. “Such was the ridiculous strength of our batting and the incompetence of our bowling that I was number 10 and played as a bowler! We batted first and had four current Minor Counties players in the top 6 plus Andy Jones, son of Alan, formerly Glamorgan and now just playing for Wales. We got 240 odd for 4 and they replied with 210 for 8. Don't laugh – I took the new ball and finished with a respectable 12-3 -31-2. This would and should have been 4 for 31 but for the non-assistance of former Test Umpire, Ray Julian, who was umpiring from my end and has clearly not been watching the outcome of the majority of Hawkeye decisions! It gets worse - I could be captain for the game next season!”
Quiz Corner In G&C 29 Bob Peach posed a couple of quiz questions following a boozy lunch with his new chums at The House of Lords. You will all be delighted to hear that the distinction held by Tony Lock is that he is the only player to have scored 10,000 first class runs without having completed a century. When I asked Bob who the five batsmen were who have scored four double centuries on the same ground he told me that he couldn’t remember but that Clive Radley would know. So we will have to wait for the next celebrity gathering at Westminster and hope that the port flows a little less freely.
Meanwhile Wullers tells me that he has worked for The Australian Broadcasting Corporation for over thirty years. He sets you the following poser: "Australia is a cricket mad nation, as evidenced by its national broadcaster’s PO box number. What is it?”
South Hampstead famously played a football match in Willesden Town’s stadium in 1968 against a Celebrity XI. Ian McIntosh recently sent me a copy of the programme that was produced for this auspicious occasion. The South Hampstead side featured the following very useful line up: Terry Cordaroy, Bill Hart, Ken Fletcher, Ray Cook, Colin Newcombe, Jim Sharp, Russell Bowes, Robin Ager, ? , John Matthews and Graham Sharp. But who played centre forward? If you need a clue I can tell you that it wasn’t David Gee-Clough who featured in some of the football team’s early outings.
A Cautionary Tale The Professor is for once looking for advice
As you know WGCCC employ an overseas player each year. “Employ” is probably rather too posh a word – what we do, in common with many clubs, is offer them a package. Several of our lads have played in Melbourne in the winter and the father of one of our players is actually the Chair of Victoria Cricket Club. So we have good contacts. Nevertheless we use an agent, again well known to our chaps, to find the right sort of player to come over. We pay the agent about £400, pay the travel costs of the player, sort him out with accommodation and give him all the revenue from our two-week “academy” that we run for school boys and girls in August. The whole package is worth about £5-6,000. This year we had recruited Mitchel Clayden, reputed to be…fast.
He duly arrived in England but had said that he was going to see some family in Yorkshire prior to our league season getting started on 7th May. The next we heard he had gone to the Yorkshire nets and had been signed by the County. That turned out not to be true, but he had signed for Rotherham. He then proceeded to lay waste in the Yorkshire league, taking 7 wickets in his first game. As you might imagine, we were none too pleased about all this. The agent is apoplectic since sorting this type of thing out is his living. The member who stomped up the £1,100 plane ticket is not overjoyed either.
The question now is – how do you get the money back from a strapping Aussie who has made off to Yorkshire. Given my recent re-location to this part of the world some members thought it would be a good idea to furnish me with invoices and send me off to Rotherham to confront the 6’2’’, 15 stone absconder. Some wisdom of years added to a lifetime of incipient cowardice led me to turn down that offer. I have however set eyes on the chap (happily from a distance) since he played for Yorkshire IIs this week, just down the road. The Club is now debating tactics – hit squad to Rotherham (not a good idea) or deregistration of player (we hold his registration), which would mean he couldn’t continue to play but we wouldn’t get any money. So, what to do?
I then received an update
A happy if not entirely satisfactory conclusion to the tale of our Australian absconder is that we have at last made contact with the authorities in the Yorkshire League who have cancelled Mitchel Claydon's registration. He now cannot play at an ECB registered club in the whole country. We also found out the Rotherham had been playing him as an "English" player. (In this League you have to declare your overseas player for 1st and 2nd XIs at the start of the season). They had not done this, so they called him English. I understand that Hull and Driffield (both bowled out by the Aussie) are not too pleased about it all.
I asked if he was going to play for WGCCC, to which the response was
We wouldn't have him - we've got our pride!
Red Mist Matters
Everyone knows that Kevin Pieterson scored 61 from his last 26 balls to win the first NatWest Series match against Australia and that Mohammed Ashraful scored 94 against England from just 52 balls. However there have been other notable belligerent feats of hitting as well in the last month.
Ian Harvey scored 74 from 32 balls for Yorkshire against Notts including a six from the first ball of the innings and then 109 from 55 balls against Derbyshire. Owais Shah and Ed Smith added 91 in the first six overs of their Twenty20 match with Hampshire. But this months Red Mist Man is England’s forgotten one-day man Ian Blackwell. In the Totesport League match against Sussex at Taunton he came to the wicket in the 23rd over at 88 for 5 and by the end of the 45th they were 297 for 6. Blackwell made 134 not out from 71 balls with ten sixes and ten fours. Later in June he hit three sixes from the last over of the Twenty20 innings against Glamorgan to take the game beyond their reach.
The Slope The Professor tries to lay to rest one of crickets daftest excuses
In musing on the various amounts of bollocks talked about cricket I was thinking the other day about the Lords slope. There is not a game that takes place at Lords without some reference to the ball “coming back down the slope” or spinning with the slope, etc.
Now the fact that there is a slope is beyond dispute. You have trod the famous turf so perhaps have a better idea than most about its effect. But what is the effect on the ball (as distinct from that in the players mind). Obviously if you pitch a ball on a severely sloping surface it will deviate but how big is that effect at Lords? I think the slope is variously measured at about 10 feet from side to side. Say 3 metres. I’m not sure of the width of the entire ground – say 150 metres. A ball pitching on a firm surface contacts say about one square cm of that surface. My impression is that the square at Lords has less of the slope in it than the rest, but let us say it is uniform. The upshot is that the “slope” that the ball actually encounters is about 0.2 of a millimetre. Look at that on your old school ruler, which I feel sure you have kept. Can such an amount have the impact on the balls trajectory that is claimed?
It may be that I have the figures wrong and that too much gin and not enough tonic has destroyed what facility I had at calculation, but the point remains the same…is it “all in the mind”?
Duckworth Lewis Matters
At the Twenty 20 match at Lords whilst Middlesex were speeding to what seemed like victory an entry appeared on the electronic scoreboard giving the target under the Duckworth Lewis method. The Professor’s chum Keith looked puzzled since Middlesex were ahead of Surrey’s rate at the time but the D/L figure was even higher. The Professor and I were mystified that there were still cricket fans around who did not understand how this calculation was made and so felt obliged to give him a quick run down.
We explained that the target is established by doubling your age adding the number of boundaries scored and then deducting the number of dropped catches and using the number of no balls as a co-efficient. You then have the multiplier for the initial calculation. The career batting averages for the batting side are then combined and the multiplier is applied. The whole process is then repeated for the bowling side using their parents ages and career bowling averages. Logarithm tables are then utilised to combine the two sets of figures before establishing mean, mode and peak results. If the statistician does not have a pencil handy or has mislaid his log tables he is authorised to make up any number he so wishes. It really is as simple as that.
Keith thanked us profusely for this clarification but said that he still couldn’t understand how the D/L target had increased again even though the last ball had been hit for six.
School Matters Denis Jones sent me the following notes In an earlier edition of G&C, you noted, with concern that the playing fields of my Alma Mater, Latymer Upper School, were being dug up. Having recently attended a celebratory cricket match there, I can advise that new drainage was laid, along with some all-weather 5-a-side football and hockey pitches, and a completely new pavilion has been built. The new facilities actually came into use during October, but in order to kick-start a new history of Latymer cricket, two teams of Latymer cricketers, of mixed vintage, managed to play a thirty over game between some breezy, and heavy showers, on Cup Final day. Simon Hughes, who occasionally played for Ealing, and a couple of other teams, captained one of the teams I believe. For all concerned, it was fortunate that my name was overlooked, (or more likely, has been completely erased from school records) when the invitations to play were being issued.
The new pavilion is rather austere, although, like the old one, it has spectator seating at both ground and first floor level. The major change from my time there, which for obvious reasons, I could not investigate closely, was the provision of changing facilities for girls. Latymer has been accepting girls into the 6th Form for some years, but it is now going completely mixed. Friends in education advise me that with girls regularly outperforming boys, this is the best, and possibly easiest step to improve standings in the Exam League Tables. With fewer boys entering the school each year, the standard of cricket will inevitably suffer, although I understand that there has already been some success for the girls at both netball, and soccer!
Another factor, affecting many schools apart from Latymer, is how few inter-school matches are now being played. Aside from all the well-known issues, such as lack of time for teachers, and potential litigation for injuries, the senior schoolboys of today may manage to play a few games in late April and May, and then, with exams taking place in June, hardly play again as they are released from attending school in order to revise. Gerry Copsey, a contemporary of mine, who was the other captain on the celebratory day, took over 100 wickets for the school in 1969. Apart from being a fine off-spin bowler, who subsequently played most of his cricket in the West Country, he played nigh on 30 games that year, whereas the current Latymer cricketer will be lucky to play in more than a dozen. Once again, it is the drive for exam success, pushed both by the school, and concerned parents, that will exclude cricket from the agenda for many boys during the month of June. Come July, after the exams, there is little incentive for them to return to school.
When I attended Latymer, very few pupils were paying fees, but it is the opposite nowadays, and parents have to pay around £4000 per term. For that sort of money, cricketing prowess will be low on their list of priorities for their sons, let alone their daughters! Perhaps Latymer should not be seen as typical, but, quite rightly, all schools are being driven to improve exam results. However, there is a price to pay, and schools cricket is paying that price. In today's environment, I see little opportunity for any school, be it 'bog-standard', or fee-paying, to develop cricketing skills in the way that happened in previous generations.
I met Mick Stoneman, President of Uxbridge Cricket Club, during the day. His two sons attended Latymer. Trying to warm ourselves a little, we adjourned to the pub across the road during the proceedings. It was a large and dingy pub almost 40 years ago when I was last there, and somehow, has contrived to maintain this standard despite the intervening years. Mick felt that with many nearby clubs also attracting them, Uxbridge do not have as many young cricketers coming to the club as he would like. However, from what little evidence I have, we need as many clubs as possible to nurture future players. I know that many clubs, with the aid of enthusiastic volunteers, working on a shoestring budget, already do an excellent job in this area, but maybe more should be done by the cricketing authorities, in terms of diverting resources, to assist the clubs, rather than schools, in order to produce the cricketers of tomorrow.
Strange Elevens
Last month’s bunch could be called the Red Mist XI since they are all winners of the Lawrence Trophy for the fastest hundred of the season. The indefatigable Great Jack Morgan has produced this formidable XI for you to ponder this month:
John Edrich
Mark Butcher
Tom Graveney
Allan Lamb
Graham Thorpe
Chris Cowdrey
Adam Hollioake
Alan Knott (w/k)
John Emburey
Norman Gifford
Bob Willis
All you have to do is decide what qualifies them for the team.
Earlier Editions
I will be please to email you a copy of the earlier editions of Googlies & Chinamen, if you missed or have mislaid them. If you received this edition through a third party, please send me your email address to ensure that you get on the main mailing list for future editions.
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An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 31
July 2005
Looking forward to the Ashes Good news:
Steve Harmison seems to have recovered some of his accuracy and hostility of 2004.
Freddie Flintoff is bowling better than could have been hoped since his operation. And that’s about it.
Bad news:
The Aussies have sorted out the England opening pair who filled their boots against Bangla Desh but managed less than 70 in six innings between them leading up to the final of the triangular series.
The Aussies have worked out what a poor bunch of fielders the England team, particularly the bowlers, and they now take one at will to mid on and mid off. And this is before Thorpey joins the side.
England will stick doggedly to their centrally contracted players until form or injuries make this impossible. Those hoping to see Pieterson make his test debut could have a long wait.
The Warne factor is still lurking in the background. Brad Hogg has caused plenty of problems with his back of the hand stuff particularly against England’s big hitting middle order. He gives way to Hamburger for the real thing.
Nevertheless, Bob Proctor enjoyed taking the piss out of his colleagues and friends in Perth, and this was before the defeats against Bangle Desh and England: “I have been trying to discuss Cricket with my current Australian colleagues who appear extremely reluctant to mention anything about the game. I have to remind them that not only did they lose in the Confederation Cup (Soccer) to Germany yesterday and the 20-20 game on Monday (the Aussies are now calling it a 'tip and run' pantomime) - they also lost to our Cider drinkers in Somerset (albeit a Sri Lankan and South African scored the runs - not mentioned by me!) I am hoping all the noise I make now does not quieten down as the test matches approach.”
Wullers suggested: “I think our only hope is for Warnie to be caught texting weather tips to William Hill or whoever the major bookie is, and for Ponting to fall off the wagon and get in a blue over a transsexual in some seedy night club. We can only hope.”
Googlies has opened its own book on Ashes matters:
Will either side have a player leave the field to attend a family function- birth of a child, uncle’s funeral, nephew’s first day at school etc
England-evens, Australia 100 to 1
What are the chances of Mark Butcher playing in any test?
10 to 1
Will Graham Thorpe concede more runs in the field than he scores with the bat?
3 to 1
Which wicket keeper will score most runs?
Jones 100 to 1, Gilchrist 2 to 1 on.
The odds on England’s fast bowlers playing in all five tests
Hoggard 3:1, Harmison 4:1, Jones 50:1, Flintoff 10:1, Gough 1000:1, Caddick 1,000,000:1
Who will be the first captain to be summoned before the match referee?
Vaughan 2:1 on, Ponting evens
Twenty20 Matters
When the Professor organised tickets for this year’s sell out bash at Lords between Middlesex and Surrey I thought that it would be churlish to decline the invite to join his party. Frank Foreman and Keith, a colleague from WGCCC, joined us.
Once seated in the new grandstand before the proceedings commenced the lads behind us entered into the spirit of the occasion by opening a bottle of champagne. The cork joined a number of others on the outfield but unfortunately the bulk of the champagne shot out of the bottle and down the back of my shirt.
I was disappointed, or rather relieved, that at Lords there is very little ballyhoo at these games. There was no speed dating, speed shagging, bouncy castles, tombola, reggae bands, rap artists or other distractions. Even the music that greeted boundary hits was restrained but Frank and I, not wanting to be thought square, devised a hand jive along with a swaying motion to accompany each blast.
Surrey batted first against Middlesex’s meagre bowling resources and only Pathan posed any threat. He was also the pick of some outstanding ground fielding. Brown, Thornely and Clarke all looked in good nick and although the ball flew around there was very little outright slogging. This meant that a daunting 200 score was posted. You quickly realise that if you have to score at ten an over the quick single is really of no use unless you have already scored the mandatory two boundaries per over.
Middlesex’s reply was impressive to say the least. Ed Smith played a series of majestic off drives but he was bowled in the fourth over by Tim Murtagh for 33. This brought Styris in to join Shah and they seemed to having a private contest to be the first to hit the ball over the new three-decker tavern stand. They made such good progress that by the end of the fourteenth over they had reached 148 for 1 and were ahead of the asking rate. But then Murtagh returned and Shah found Brown at long on and Dalrymple was bowled playing across the line. The Middlesex innings was falling apart and by the time Murtagh returned for his fourth over they needed an unlikely 29 from two overs. Murtagh picked up three wickets in this over to finish with an extraordinary 6 for 24 from his four over allotment. Middlesex lost their last nine wickets in five overs.
The Professor enjoying Twenty20 fever at Lords
Is Twenty20 worth it? We were treated to a spectacular display of stroke making but everything happens at a gallop and there is no chance for sub plots to emerge and develop. If things go wrong they quickly get out of hand and there is little chance of recovery. I also found that there was little opportunity to chat with your companions that forms such an important part of a full day’s cricket watching.
Out and About with the Professor
We had our Summer Ball at WGCCC in June - 250 in dinner jackets and frocks. Lots of booze. All in all, a pretty good bash. I met up with Tim Lamb (his son is due to play for us when he finishes university) and he seems happy enough, although still without employment following his departure from the ECB.
WGCCC are not having the season we would wish. 2nds, 3rds and 4ths all doing well but not the one team you want to do well. On Saturday our 215 was knocked off for 2 by West Herts who open with a chap called Parlane who, when he is not playing for West Herts, bats number 4 for Wellington. He was certainly too good for our bowling which is looking decidedly thin at present.
There is some success around however. You know that I am keen on junior cricket and that we have a thriving colts section. Like everything success seems to go in cycles but at present we have a particularly strong Under 11 side. The County have introduced an inter-district competition for this age group and the Welwyn-Hatfield team has 6 of our boys taking part. They were celebrating a win last week. They scored 240-6 declared with one of our boys getting 100. The opposition didn't do quite so well...they scored 4.
Ian Jerman Mike Talbot-butler was kind enough to inform me that Ian Jerman had died of cancer on May 30, aged 62. I circulated this sad news to those who I thought would like to know and received several responses, but first some observations of my own.
At South Hampstead we first encountered Ian when he turned out alongside his father, Jerry, and his brother for the Essex Wanderers at South Hampstead in the mid sixties. A number of euphemisms have been used to describe Ian’s approach to the game: competitive, enthusiastic and excitable. He clearly recognised a home for these skills and talents when he moved to West London and joined South Hampstead in 1969.
Ian had an ungainly gait for a sportsman and this was exacerbated by the extremely long white sleeveless sweater that he invariably wore. He was primarily a quick opening bowler and could usually manage to swing even an old ball, particularly if Harold Stubbs was available to shine it for him. On his day he could be quite quick and when he pitched the ball up could be a real handful with his out swing. His talents as a batsman should not be overlooked and he could normally be relied upon to score some critical runs in the lower order when they were needed.
In 1974 he was elected Vice Captain of the Saturday First XI and by the middle of May found himself captaining the side full time. I suspect that he never anticipated this outcome nor the League and Cup double that he led the club to.
When Don Wallis was taken ill in 1975 and I found myself skippering the Sunday First XI it was with more than trepidation that I found myself leading a side with many high level temperaments and considerably more experience than me. In the event I found Ian very supportive and he helped me settle quickly into this difficult but rewarding position.
In 1976 Ian’s business commitments took him to Cheshire where he joined Alderley Edge as a player and later went on to become their Chairman. Fortunately Ian was able to make our reunion in 2004 and I am sure that he enjoyed the occasion although clearly he was unwell at the time. We certainly appreciated seeing him for what turned out to be the last time.
Bill Hart sent me the following:
I was desperately sorry to hear the news about Ian. It meant so much to me to see him last September. There have been few people that I have met who I liked more! I first came across his father, Gerry, at Romford CC in about 1955. The Old Grammarians had a good relationship with them and played them 3 times a year. I vaguely remember Jerry, two young sons, but the first real meeting was when SH played a wandering team from Essex that included all three Jermans. From first meeting Ian and I got on perfectly, and he was not only the best opening partner that I ever had, but also the nicest. This tragedy proves the saying that the good die young, and probably means that Wallis and I will go on for a long time yet.
Colin Price sent this:
I was very sorry to hear about Ian Jerman. He was an integral part of a team I was very pleased to be a member of in the early seventies and I remember him well as a fierce competitor.
Steve Thompson sent me these notes and the picture of the victorious 1974 team at Winchmore Hill:
I suppose my abiding memories will be his highly idiosyncratic bowling action and his farewell to Alexandra Palace's unkempt ground only to have to reappear there early the following season in the first round of the national.
He was a deceptively effective new ball bowler, and on days where conditions were conducive he could swing the ball prodigiously. If, as I often was, you were in the slip cordon there was no dozing off because you were always likely to be in with a chance of something coming your way and having once had the glare after shelling one I don't think I did again.
It was his action though that I will never forget. Blofeld might have described his approach as mincing but it was more than that. Unusually he held the ball in both hands in front of him for the majority of his approach and his hands would waggle from side to side until the final few strides. It was like Groucho Marx water-divining at a canter.
In a side generally blessed with a lot of batting he was often unused at number 9 but when the chips were down, notably against Southgate in the area final of the National in 1975, he could turn a game round with some very astute clinical hitting.
One of the club's great competitors, when he found himself captain at short notice in 1974 he made the most of it. I remember sometime during that summer whilst at University I was playing something like my 33rd game of cricket in 33 days and got a first-baller at Barnet in the Wills Trophy. Looking for an excuse I said that I was 'stale'. “ Fucking stale at your age, bollocks!” came the reply.
It sounds a bit corny but when he couldn't play in the decisive final league match at Ealing because of Glenlivet's Centenary Celebrations I really do think it spurred everyone on to ensure Ian didn't feel worse than he already obviously did about missing the game. It was a memorable summer and I'll always associate my memories of it with Ian.
Left to right: Nigel Ross, Colin Price, Steve Hatherall, Alan Cox, the Legendary Len Stubbs, Ian Jerman, Ossie Burton, Terry Cordaroy, Allen Bruton, Steve Thompson and Lincoln Sylburne. Audrey Hawdon was the scorer, seated.
Bob Peach sent this letter to Ian’s son Alex:
Ian was certainly a keen and competitive cricketer and his contribution to the club as captain of our only league and cup double winners in 1974 is firmly entrenched in the club’s records. After his move north we had inevitably less direct and regular contact. It was therefore terrific that he made the considerable effort to attend the club’s re-union last September and I trust enjoy many memories with old colleagues and friends. Ian’s fighting approach to his health problems clearly reflected the way he played his cricket.
Although it is many years ago, on a more personal basis, both Diana and myself remember warmly the enjoyable (well mostly!) occasions our respective families shared both within and outside the cricketing arena.
The following appeared in Mike Talbot-Butler’s newsletter for Cheshire cricket:
There was a large turn-out of family, colleagues and players at the Memorial Service for former Alderley Edge player and chairman Ian Jerman at St. Philip’s Church, Alderley Edge last Thursday. His cremation had taken place at Macclesfield earlier in the day. Ian died on May 30th aged 62 cancer.
Essex Festival Week in Southend I don’t think that I ever played cricket with Peter Butler, but for several seasons in the seventies he and I were teammates in Touche Ross’ formidable Sunday football side, the Tristars. He is now an Essex CCC committeeman with special responsibilities for keeping the Southend festival week alive. Peter makes his debut in these pages:
On Sunday 7th August Essex play Middlesex in a historic encounter that will commemorate the 100th year of county cricket being played in Southend. It will also mark the debut of a new ground Garon’s Park – some one and a half miles north of the Southchurch Park ground that was first used by Essex in 1906.
Two years ago I was elected to the committee of Essex County Cricket Club. The finances of top cricket clubs are in nearly as bad a state as those of professional football clubs but it seemed to me trying to ensure the sustainability of first class cricket in a county format was worth a little effort. I am also a great believer in Festival cricket. I was first introduced to the county game at Chalkwell and Southchurch Parks in my hometown of Southend in the late 1950s. In August 2003 I was given an ultimatum – become the chairman of a new sub-committee to take responsibility for the Southend Festival and make it profitable or we close it. We inherited a 2003-week with £35,000 of revenues, £43,000 of marginal costs (no player’s wages or allocations from Chelmsford admin) and a third year of marginal losses. The treasurer said we could make £20,000 marginal contribution from playing the games at Chelmsford. That is your bottom line.
In our first year ‘under new management’ we achieved a surplus of £19,698 on a turnover of £83,583. By the skin of our teeth we survive. But the important thing is that our huge public success in 2004 is indeed the dawn of a new era and with strong backing from the local council we have moved to a new ground. We intend to turn this into a local Centre of Cricketing Excellence for young players from the South Essex Cricket Board district and have launched a £200,000 public appeal whereby every pound raised will be matched by a contribution from the Essex & Southend Sports Trust – a charity which I chair. So far we are about a fifth of the way there.
I have invited past and present Googlies contributors to be my guest for lunch and the rest of the day at this event. If anyone would like to join us let me know and I will try to fit you in
Your Season Steve Thompson turned out for the MCC at the Cathedral School in Hereford. “Such was the ridiculous strength of our batting and the incompetence of our bowling that I was number 10 and played as a bowler! We batted first and had four current Minor Counties players in the top 6 plus Andy Jones, son of Alan, formerly Glamorgan and now just playing for Wales. We got 240 odd for 4 and they replied with 210 for 8. Don't laugh – I took the new ball and finished with a respectable 12-3 -31-2. This would and should have been 4 for 31 but for the non-assistance of former Test Umpire, Ray Julian, who was umpiring from my end and has clearly not been watching the outcome of the majority of Hawkeye decisions! It gets worse - I could be captain for the game next season!”
Quiz Corner In G&C 29 Bob Peach posed a couple of quiz questions following a boozy lunch with his new chums at The House of Lords. You will all be delighted to hear that the distinction held by Tony Lock is that he is the only player to have scored 10,000 first class runs without having completed a century. When I asked Bob who the five batsmen were who have scored four double centuries on the same ground he told me that he couldn’t remember but that Clive Radley would know. So we will have to wait for the next celebrity gathering at Westminster and hope that the port flows a little less freely.
Meanwhile Wullers tells me that he has worked for The Australian Broadcasting Corporation for over thirty years. He sets you the following poser: "Australia is a cricket mad nation, as evidenced by its national broadcaster’s PO box number. What is it?”
South Hampstead famously played a football match in Willesden Town’s stadium in 1968 against a Celebrity XI. Ian McIntosh recently sent me a copy of the programme that was produced for this auspicious occasion. The South Hampstead side featured the following very useful line up: Terry Cordaroy, Bill Hart, Ken Fletcher, Ray Cook, Colin Newcombe, Jim Sharp, Russell Bowes, Robin Ager, ? , John Matthews and Graham Sharp. But who played centre forward? If you need a clue I can tell you that it wasn’t David Gee-Clough who featured in some of the football team’s early outings.
A Cautionary Tale The Professor is for once looking for advice
As you know WGCCC employ an overseas player each year. “Employ” is probably rather too posh a word – what we do, in common with many clubs, is offer them a package. Several of our lads have played in Melbourne in the winter and the father of one of our players is actually the Chair of Victoria Cricket Club. So we have good contacts. Nevertheless we use an agent, again well known to our chaps, to find the right sort of player to come over. We pay the agent about £400, pay the travel costs of the player, sort him out with accommodation and give him all the revenue from our two-week “academy” that we run for school boys and girls in August. The whole package is worth about £5-6,000. This year we had recruited Mitchel Clayden, reputed to be…fast.
He duly arrived in England but had said that he was going to see some family in Yorkshire prior to our league season getting started on 7th May. The next we heard he had gone to the Yorkshire nets and had been signed by the County. That turned out not to be true, but he had signed for Rotherham. He then proceeded to lay waste in the Yorkshire league, taking 7 wickets in his first game. As you might imagine, we were none too pleased about all this. The agent is apoplectic since sorting this type of thing out is his living. The member who stomped up the £1,100 plane ticket is not overjoyed either.
The question now is – how do you get the money back from a strapping Aussie who has made off to Yorkshire. Given my recent re-location to this part of the world some members thought it would be a good idea to furnish me with invoices and send me off to Rotherham to confront the 6’2’’, 15 stone absconder. Some wisdom of years added to a lifetime of incipient cowardice led me to turn down that offer. I have however set eyes on the chap (happily from a distance) since he played for Yorkshire IIs this week, just down the road. The Club is now debating tactics – hit squad to Rotherham (not a good idea) or deregistration of player (we hold his registration), which would mean he couldn’t continue to play but we wouldn’t get any money. So, what to do?
I then received an update
A happy if not entirely satisfactory conclusion to the tale of our Australian absconder is that we have at last made contact with the authorities in the Yorkshire League who have cancelled Mitchel Claydon's registration. He now cannot play at an ECB registered club in the whole country. We also found out the Rotherham had been playing him as an "English" player. (In this League you have to declare your overseas player for 1st and 2nd XIs at the start of the season). They had not done this, so they called him English. I understand that Hull and Driffield (both bowled out by the Aussie) are not too pleased about it all.
I asked if he was going to play for WGCCC, to which the response was
We wouldn't have him - we've got our pride!
Red Mist Matters
Everyone knows that Kevin Pieterson scored 61 from his last 26 balls to win the first NatWest Series match against Australia and that Mohammed Ashraful scored 94 against England from just 52 balls. However there have been other notable belligerent feats of hitting as well in the last month.
Ian Harvey scored 74 from 32 balls for Yorkshire against Notts including a six from the first ball of the innings and then 109 from 55 balls against Derbyshire. Owais Shah and Ed Smith added 91 in the first six overs of their Twenty20 match with Hampshire. But this months Red Mist Man is England’s forgotten one-day man Ian Blackwell. In the Totesport League match against Sussex at Taunton he came to the wicket in the 23rd over at 88 for 5 and by the end of the 45th they were 297 for 6. Blackwell made 134 not out from 71 balls with ten sixes and ten fours. Later in June he hit three sixes from the last over of the Twenty20 innings against Glamorgan to take the game beyond their reach.
The Slope The Professor tries to lay to rest one of crickets daftest excuses
In musing on the various amounts of bollocks talked about cricket I was thinking the other day about the Lords slope. There is not a game that takes place at Lords without some reference to the ball “coming back down the slope” or spinning with the slope, etc.
Now the fact that there is a slope is beyond dispute. You have trod the famous turf so perhaps have a better idea than most about its effect. But what is the effect on the ball (as distinct from that in the players mind). Obviously if you pitch a ball on a severely sloping surface it will deviate but how big is that effect at Lords? I think the slope is variously measured at about 10 feet from side to side. Say 3 metres. I’m not sure of the width of the entire ground – say 150 metres. A ball pitching on a firm surface contacts say about one square cm of that surface. My impression is that the square at Lords has less of the slope in it than the rest, but let us say it is uniform. The upshot is that the “slope” that the ball actually encounters is about 0.2 of a millimetre. Look at that on your old school ruler, which I feel sure you have kept. Can such an amount have the impact on the balls trajectory that is claimed?
It may be that I have the figures wrong and that too much gin and not enough tonic has destroyed what facility I had at calculation, but the point remains the same…is it “all in the mind”?
Duckworth Lewis Matters
At the Twenty 20 match at Lords whilst Middlesex were speeding to what seemed like victory an entry appeared on the electronic scoreboard giving the target under the Duckworth Lewis method. The Professor’s chum Keith looked puzzled since Middlesex were ahead of Surrey’s rate at the time but the D/L figure was even higher. The Professor and I were mystified that there were still cricket fans around who did not understand how this calculation was made and so felt obliged to give him a quick run down.
We explained that the target is established by doubling your age adding the number of boundaries scored and then deducting the number of dropped catches and using the number of no balls as a co-efficient. You then have the multiplier for the initial calculation. The career batting averages for the batting side are then combined and the multiplier is applied. The whole process is then repeated for the bowling side using their parents ages and career bowling averages. Logarithm tables are then utilised to combine the two sets of figures before establishing mean, mode and peak results. If the statistician does not have a pencil handy or has mislaid his log tables he is authorised to make up any number he so wishes. It really is as simple as that.
Keith thanked us profusely for this clarification but said that he still couldn’t understand how the D/L target had increased again even though the last ball had been hit for six.
School Matters Denis Jones sent me the following notes In an earlier edition of G&C, you noted, with concern that the playing fields of my Alma Mater, Latymer Upper School, were being dug up. Having recently attended a celebratory cricket match there, I can advise that new drainage was laid, along with some all-weather 5-a-side football and hockey pitches, and a completely new pavilion has been built. The new facilities actually came into use during October, but in order to kick-start a new history of Latymer cricket, two teams of Latymer cricketers, of mixed vintage, managed to play a thirty over game between some breezy, and heavy showers, on Cup Final day. Simon Hughes, who occasionally played for Ealing, and a couple of other teams, captained one of the teams I believe. For all concerned, it was fortunate that my name was overlooked, (or more likely, has been completely erased from school records) when the invitations to play were being issued.
The new pavilion is rather austere, although, like the old one, it has spectator seating at both ground and first floor level. The major change from my time there, which for obvious reasons, I could not investigate closely, was the provision of changing facilities for girls. Latymer has been accepting girls into the 6th Form for some years, but it is now going completely mixed. Friends in education advise me that with girls regularly outperforming boys, this is the best, and possibly easiest step to improve standings in the Exam League Tables. With fewer boys entering the school each year, the standard of cricket will inevitably suffer, although I understand that there has already been some success for the girls at both netball, and soccer!
Another factor, affecting many schools apart from Latymer, is how few inter-school matches are now being played. Aside from all the well-known issues, such as lack of time for teachers, and potential litigation for injuries, the senior schoolboys of today may manage to play a few games in late April and May, and then, with exams taking place in June, hardly play again as they are released from attending school in order to revise. Gerry Copsey, a contemporary of mine, who was the other captain on the celebratory day, took over 100 wickets for the school in 1969. Apart from being a fine off-spin bowler, who subsequently played most of his cricket in the West Country, he played nigh on 30 games that year, whereas the current Latymer cricketer will be lucky to play in more than a dozen. Once again, it is the drive for exam success, pushed both by the school, and concerned parents, that will exclude cricket from the agenda for many boys during the month of June. Come July, after the exams, there is little incentive for them to return to school.
When I attended Latymer, very few pupils were paying fees, but it is the opposite nowadays, and parents have to pay around £4000 per term. For that sort of money, cricketing prowess will be low on their list of priorities for their sons, let alone their daughters! Perhaps Latymer should not be seen as typical, but, quite rightly, all schools are being driven to improve exam results. However, there is a price to pay, and schools cricket is paying that price. In today's environment, I see little opportunity for any school, be it 'bog-standard', or fee-paying, to develop cricketing skills in the way that happened in previous generations.
I met Mick Stoneman, President of Uxbridge Cricket Club, during the day. His two sons attended Latymer. Trying to warm ourselves a little, we adjourned to the pub across the road during the proceedings. It was a large and dingy pub almost 40 years ago when I was last there, and somehow, has contrived to maintain this standard despite the intervening years. Mick felt that with many nearby clubs also attracting them, Uxbridge do not have as many young cricketers coming to the club as he would like. However, from what little evidence I have, we need as many clubs as possible to nurture future players. I know that many clubs, with the aid of enthusiastic volunteers, working on a shoestring budget, already do an excellent job in this area, but maybe more should be done by the cricketing authorities, in terms of diverting resources, to assist the clubs, rather than schools, in order to produce the cricketers of tomorrow.
Strange Elevens
Last month’s bunch could be called the Red Mist XI since they are all winners of the Lawrence Trophy for the fastest hundred of the season. The indefatigable Great Jack Morgan has produced this formidable XI for you to ponder this month:
John Edrich
Mark Butcher
Tom Graveney
Allan Lamb
Graham Thorpe
Chris Cowdrey
Adam Hollioake
Alan Knott (w/k)
John Emburey
Norman Gifford
Bob Willis
All you have to do is decide what qualifies them for the team.
Earlier Editions
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