GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 62
February 2008
Caption Competition
1. Peg Leg: No Geoff, I don’t think that we should make Ed Smith my vice captain.
2. Geoff Miller: Don’t look so glum Mike. They could have appointed Ernie instead of me!
3. Geoff Miller: Tell Owais that we just like having him around on tour.
4. Peter Moores: I have asked Matt Prior to be on standby for New Zealand.
Geoff Miller: What for? Scorer?
Geoff Miller: That still might not be enough.
7. Peg Leg: Is it true Geoff that you scored the same number of test centuries as Shane Warne?
Geoff Miller: Piss off.
Out and About with the Professor
The Professor, who is getting used to life “up north”, bravely ventured outdoors and sent me this report:
In all probability, you have seen rather less Blue Square (North) League football than you might have wished. Having been here for two years, I thought it was high time I went along to the Weatherby Road "stadium" to watch Harrogate Town take on the might of Barrow. This was an important match since "the Town”, as we locals say, are third in the Blue Square (North) League and looking for promotion, to whence I could not say. Barrow are mid-table.
The first shock was the price: £12 to get in, £2 for a programme and (a nice touch) a further £1 if you want to sit down. The ground (I really think "stadium" is just too preposterous) has seats along one side and traditional "stands" on the other. There's a refreshments facility (tea and a plate of chips looked to be the favoured purchase), a directors hospitality suite (a sort of mobile home on bricks) and even a bar - "The Cross Bar" (ye gods). At each end you can just lean on the rail behind the goal within touching (and talking) distance of the players - it's a very different experience from being up in the seats at a Premier League game 50 yards from the play. The football is also different although the level of ball control seemed to me to be pretty high. It's a very long time since I've been to football at this level, although I once did go to see Canterbury City play when I was working in that part of the country, and I was surprised how much I enjoyed it. In part the proximity to the play makes you feel involved - especially as the crunching tackles go in. There were four goals: two rather scrappy efforts by Harrogate and two well-crafted goals from Barrow.
The visitors had two shaven-headed bruisers as centre backs but otherwise tried to keep the ball on the floor. Harrogate favoured the more aerial route which, since it has been raining here for about a month might have been more productive than it was. Both "our" goals were scored by the centre half Mark Hume who, as a result, went to the centre forward position for the last 15 mins where, of course, he didn't trouble the goalkeeper at all. Barrow had a tall midfielder who walked around for most of the game and set up the majority of their attacks. Since the £2 programme didn't give numbers and the public address system was borrowed from British Rail circa 1960, I didn't discover his name.
Most of the Barrow players seemed to have not quite made the grade at various Football League clubs: Oldham, Tranmere, Stockport, etc and I assume the same is true of the home side. One player had started his career with Windscale United which brought out the inevitable laboured jokes. I assume that some of the youngest players still had hopes of being "spotted" by someone in the crowd of 450 hardy souls.
I have to say I enjoyed the whole thing and can recommend the experience. While I can only admire the Hoops progress at a distance I think I must save up for another trip to see the local lads.
And then he sent me this from his Caribbean sortie
There are two cricket stadia in Antigua. The largest is (inevitably) the "Sir Viv Richards" stadium which was built for the World Cup and looks very impressive. It holds, so I was told, by a less than reliable local, about 15,000 - it looks bigger than that. The other stadium is the Standford cricket ground which is hosting the Stanford inter-island Twenty/20. I don't know too much about the owner except that he is an American billionaire who is mad keen on cricket. He is also, somewhat surprisingly, a knight of the realm.
Anyway he has built this truly amazing cricket group which must be one of the best venues anywhere in the world to play. The actual playing surface is immaculate which is the opposite of anything else I've seen in the West Indies, and the whole ground is kitted out with two giant replay boards, two pavilions (home and away) either side of the grandstand and a number of sort of "Italianate" buildings dotted round the ground that do refreshment. The grandstand is at one end and at mid-wicket is the club house ("The Sticky Wicket" no less) which is a club, restaurant, set of bars and "Hall of Fame" rolled into one. The entrance to the Sticky Wicket is through three giant stumps with blue neon bails on top. The who thing looks like a traditional English cricket ground as designed by Walt Disney.
We, inadvertently, went to the opening ceremony (it was supposed to be the day before but one team didn't turn up...it is the West Indies) and there were more fireworks than I've seen since Jan 1st 2000. The whole gang Sir Gary, Sir Viv and all the rest of the "legends" were there as was the eponymous Stanford whose name was on everything - the stumps, the bats, the players, the outfield and on all the buildings - he did not strike me as a modest man.
The game (between St Lucia and the Cayman Islands) didn't quite match up - mainly because the latter couldn't bat. The fielding however was spectacular and the Cayman opening bowler (Tulloch) and the St Lucia wicket keeper both caught the eye. The ground was full of large numbers of enthusiastic supporters, stimulated, so I was told, by the offer of $1,000 for anyone in the crowd who took a catch. It was a great experience - Twenty/20 at its most vulgar and I'm sure a number of G&C readers would have disapproved heartily.
One last thing, the Grandstand, being behind the bowler's arm presents the usual sightscreen problems. The solution - it being a night-time game - was to have all the spectators in the block behind the bowler to put on black T-shirts...which they duly did.
Oh ...another last thing. You will know that it is some time since your correspondent actually held a bat (about 15 years to be exact) but the offer on the beach by a huge man called Wendell was too much to turn down and you will be pleased to know that a couple of pulls through deep mid-water and a cover drive through the sun loungers were the high spots before a straight double bouncer brought a return to reality, but not before I had been dropped in the slips...by Foreman.
Selection Matters
Before he left for the Canaries rather than New Zealand, the Great Jack Morgan sent me these observations on the latest selections
No surprise about Ravi getting the axe, but most of the views I had heard were that Matt would get another go. Ambrose is certainly a useful bat, but as I have told you before, he kept badly when I saw him... so will he be any better than Jonesy or Priory? I can’t believe that Tredwell is international class even in ODIs, I am not convinced by Wright either and I think Tremlett is more of a Test match bowler than an ODI man. The likely absence of Shane Bond should be good news for England. The brilliant news, however, is that the talents of the great Richo have finally been recognised by his call-up for the Lions squad. He is the classic unsung hero and he should have had some of those prizes that were being handed out at the end of season dinner. The puzzle, of course, is why he has been allowed to reach the age of 32 before his ability was spotted (those Aussies at Lord’s in the summer spotted it in about half an hour!). As he is obviously not “one for the future”, do you think he is seriously close to being called up for NZ if an injury occurs? Selection of Joycey for the Lions is something of a backhanded compliment, but I suppose they just want to show him that they have not forgotten all about him. Ed is 29 now, but the example of Richo will surely convince him that it is not necessarily too late. Why are England’s Stiffs given a different name for each tour? They were the A team on tour for years, then they became the Lions at home, before Christmas they turned into the EPP squad and now they are going to be the Lions on tour (for the first time). What’s going on?
Old Croney Matters
It was beginning to seem that we were never going to make contact with other former South Hampstead players, but we hadn’t reckoned on the sleuthing skills of Bill Hart and Allen Bruton. Allen tracked Keith Hardie down in no time and elicited this response from him:
“It's over 30 years since we last met and I still owe you about 27 pints of lager for the motorway bets returning from the York semi final. How are you? Are you still playing or just propping up the bar and offering unsolicited advice to the younger generation? I suppose Milverton Road has undergone many changes since I left in 1976.
I am still married to Barbara and we have a 25-year-old son currently on his OE in the UK. He is in Cardiff at the moment but hopes to escape soon to either London (in-house barman) or back to a previous job he held in Inverness. We also have a daughter who is starting some post-graduate studies at the local Canterbury University. We moved around a bit after initially arriving in Christchurch. Sydney for a year; Wellington for six years and we have been back in Canterbury since 1986. Still love it here. I stopped playing cricket to concentrate on a career in the early '80s but started again on returning to Christchurch. I stopped playing regularly in 2006 but I am still involved in "Vintage Cricket" tournaments that Barbara and I have enjoyed every second year since1992. These one week tournaments have taken us to many destinations including Birmingham, Vancouver, Perth, Brisbane and Sydney.
I have also been on a couple of tours to the UK with my club team here (Lancaster Park) which were centred around Cockfosters who are our UK sister club. Cockfosters have also been over to New Zealand 2 or 3 times in that period. The next Vintage Cricket tournament is in Stratford-on-Avon this coming August. I am possibly going to attend, which if I did would mean I could attend a reunion on any of the last 3 weekends in August. It would be great to catch up with team mates from that era.
The "Friends Reunited" web site has also kept me in touch with friends from the UK. There is a team one for "South Hampstead" which may also help you find contats or your get-together. The members signed up there include Allan Cox and Stephen Crowe. I have also posted a picture of the 1974 team in the site. Have you managed to contact Cliff Dickeson? He is still active as a coach in the NZ system and is still based in Hamilton.”
Keith then sent me a note as well
“Armed with your name and address it was very easy to track down your Art business on the web. I was initially alarmed to note the drift from the left-brained beer-loving cricketer I knew in the '70s to the right-brained hermit artist living on a mountain top in remote Derbyshire. A mere two hilltops from darkest Yorkshire; you are a brave man. No longer a "Jim" but a New Age "James" married to a New World fellow artist. Has the regular beer swiller turned into an occasional wine sipper; have the bangers and mash been replaced by quiche and assorted weeds; does he throw pots of organic clay instead of balls on Surrey loam; is Derby County an edifying substitute for the lofty years at Loftus Road; and, instead of cricket as a fulfilling pastime, has he reverted to those ultimate activities of devolution - Morris Dancing and, in his Illinois retreat, Line Dancing. Where did he go wrong?
But wait! He has also turned his skills to the art of writing. What is this publication - "Googlies and Chinamen"? Well that’s a relief! After reading the aforementioned document, there is sufficient proof that there is still hope for the lad and he can continue the natural evolution expected of cricket playing gentlemen of his senior years. There are sufficient levels of sarcasm, cynicism and political incorrectness in the document to suggest that the natural metamorphosis from fun-loving, beer-swilling, sports-mad young man of the seventies (homo cricketus) into a crusty grumpy old man of the new millennium (homo donwalus) is progressing as expected.”
Cheeky bastard. To think that I acted as Keith’s chauffeur for several years in the seventies. Meanwhile Bill Hart has located Allan Cox and Jon Matthews. We will be able to start compiling dream teams from the readership soon.
Wanderers Matters
After he retired from being the enfant terrible of the London club circuit Lord Ray, to the consternation of all batsmen, took up umpiring. Sadly he tells me that his health has caused him to retire from this pursuit as well. However, he continues to be active in efforts to revive the old Wanderers club. He sent me this:
“I have recently come into possession of four scorecards for 1957, 1958, 1961 and 1962 for Surrey CCC Club & Ground versus The Wanderers CC, all of which matches were played at Kennington Oval, when it was the Oval. That for 1957 was priced at 3d, but there was a disgraceful hike to 4d, quite out of line with the increase in the cost of living, in 1958.
Notable names for The Wanderers include Peach, Clain, D Malcolm, A J Huntley, Phipps, Nienow, Cox, and Wallis, all from South Hampstead, whilst respected names from other great London clubs are also there. Surrey C & G took it fairly seriously, as their list of players include these: Willett, Swetman, Long, R and D Pratt, Parsons, J Edrich, A V Bedser, Sid Storey, D G W Fletcher, Tom Clark, McIntyre, Loader and Arnold. I would suggest that a team from that list could give many counties today a decent game, albeit there is a lack of spin.”
I enclose a copy of the 1962 match scorecard partly because it is completed by the printers and partly to keep Bob Peach happy. It would be interesting to hear from anyone who can identify the non South Hampstead players in this contest and where they are now. Peter tells me that sadly he recently attended Geoff Misseldine’s funeral.
Sartorial Matters
The Professor made this observation following his winter outing to Sri Lanka
Incidentally, I haven't heard/read anything about this but the best Sri Lankan fielder (apart from the keeper, who is excellent) was Mubarak. He was at short leg or thereabouts for the first two tests but then was dropped since he hardly got a run. You will have observed that it is fashionable among young men to wear trousers with the crotch round the knees. Mubarak's cricket trousers are like that which, in effect, gives him a third way of catching people. It might seem a bit far-fetched to suggest that a close fielder sets out to catch the ball in his crotch but it is a big extra bit of cloth and it is exactly how he got rid of Vaughan. I foresee a change in the laws...
Penguin Matters
I received this New Year missive from Lord Ray
Twice a year, on January 1st and again in mid-year, I scan the pages of The Times - checking it against The Daily Telegraph in case there has been either omission or misprint, to see if, at long last, there has been official recognition of my outstanding qualities. (Lest there be any misunderstanding, I refer to those of character not of physique). Annually, my hopes are not just dashed but positively fragmented. From time to time, someone sharing my surname is honoured but it is never me, nor anyone of my particular line of descent. (In danger, and this may cause unseemly rejoicing in some quarters, of extinction since my brother produced three daughters and my only son has yet to marry and has not acknowledged any offspring in my hearing).
Why should I be so unreasonably overlooked? It is baffling. Yet, a line below where my name could have featured, only last year I read the name of a lady in Cheshire who was awarded an OBE for services to baton-twirling. Baton-twirling! I trust she is able to do it in more than just the one direction.
So, after all these years of disappointment and being callously ignored by successive governments, it is wonderful to find that I have been elevated in your pages to the peerage, thus outranking totally the churlish Great Jack Morgan who remains merely a commoner, "Great" or not. One is tempted to say that they do not come commoner etc but I shall resist the impulse to launch at him the sort of abuse and contumely to which I have been so brutally subjected. It was a relief to read the wise words of Bill Hart, who used to hand it out himself a little but was always, in my view, a doughty competitor and a very worthy opponent. We both recognised, I think, that the game is played with a hard ball and that you need to be able to put your money where your mouth is or has been.
Mention of Bill reminds me of a moment at which I still occasionally warm my hands during long winter months, in a tough game between South Hampstead and Wembley at Milverton Road. We had put together, not without difficulty, a reasonable but not unattainable total but South Hampstead managed to lose their way at several points in their innings. The eighth wicket - I do not recall the batsmen - painstakingly scraped and edged their way towards a win they clearly did not believe in, and we gave them nothing to encourage a different opinion. We felt it was going to be our game and we were determined to make it so. Whoever it was bowled pretty sharply for us at the time, coming in from the Milverton Road end, took out the leg stump of the number ten and we knew we were in business. Bill Hart appeared from the pavilion, marched briskly to the wicket like Richard Attenborough in "Guns at Batasi," dispensed with a guard, smacked the ball uncompromisingly through extra cover for four, stuck the bat under his arm like an RSM's pacestick, and marched smartly off after it having won the match, looking neither to left nor right, again doing his Attenborough impression. I have never liked losing, but it was a great moment of theatre.
I was put out by the report from Sri Lanka which gave the impression that the PPS was unlucky not to do much better. There was reference to his getting a dodgy decision when he was either caught or grounded by slip, but given out. There was not one iota of bad luck in this or, a least, nothing more than hundreds of batsmen have had to take over the years. The only difference is that we are now able to see incidents again. The important point, not mentioned by your reporter, is that he played a shot of which most third eleven players would be ashamed and played it, moreover, before he had had time to work out that he was actually in the middle. No decent English bat in the last fifty years would have even been offering a shot at that stage to something not requiring one. If he was not actually caught he deserved to have been and that, at that stage of the innings, was unforgivable. The PPS has no brain. That is the problem.
Then we are told he got a "shooter." Rubbish. It stayed low-ish but, again, would Hutton have got out to it? Ben, maybe but not our Len. Jack Robertson? You jest. These played on uncovered wickets, of course, but even those since covering came in possessed of decent technique would have dealt with it. The PPS got out because his feet were all over the pitch as he looked to do something unsuitable with it, with total disregard for the line and the length. Was he unaware that the wicket was not quite the same as Fenners? Does he actually watch what is going on when he is next in?
The man does not suffer from bad luck. Indeed, he is as lucky a man as there has been in the game for ages, because - as was pointed out elsewhere - he is paid handsomely for very little real work, stays at the best hotels, etc., has access to every kind of training and coaching facility there is, and is generally treated better than royalty. Still he complains. He is impenetrably and incurably thick. The question you have to ask when you assess him is this. Would you pick him to bat for your life? He is not Waugh or Border. I think I would rather have Hoggard. Or Bill Hart, come to that.
Meanwhile the Great Jack Morgan recalled the game that Steve Wright had referred to in the last edition
Steve is right; I did play against Wembley on 23 September 1967. I was a 19 year-old long-haired student a week or so away from returning to university and I opened the batting that day (which was unusual as at that time, if I made the first eleven, I batted anywhere between 1 and 10 and the following day, I batted no 8 against Ealing) possibly for the first time in a first XI match and made an average contribution to a low scoring game. I have a slight recollection of the Ray/ Blatt Incident, but as I was not on the pitch at the time, I cannot be certain what was said. According to my diary, we lost the match, but I went to Ingrid’s party in the evening so it wasn’t all bad news! Does anybody remember the party? Perhaps I did not recover in time to bat any higher than 8?
I asked David Tune if he had anything to add to the Penguin debate
Not at this time, however, as I’m of to Australia for most of March I’m minded to consult him on Antipodean etiquette, how not to rub an Aussie up the wrong way etc. I’m sure his pearls of wisdom will be worth repeating, if not putting into practice. Also, I hope to meet up with Adam Gilchrist while I’m in Perth — if he hasn’t fled to Pakistan in order to avoid buying me a beer. As you may or may not know, Gilly played for Richmond for a season when he was 17. Doubtless he learned much about team spirit and camaraderie from playing in the same side as the Penguin and myself, though “sledging” must have been an “art” he acquired later in his career. Penguin might also have a message or two for me to convey to “the slogger and stopper”, who today broke the world record for Test victims. Again, I fear my tact and diplomacy may well be tested.
Crusade Matters
When he replied to my request for information on the Stanmore match Allen Bruton expressed surprise that I had been playing: “I would have assumed that you had commenced your one man crusade against league cricket.” I replied: “You will no doubt applaud my omission for 59 issues of any reference to my campaign against league cricket. With hindsight it was inevitable as soon as someone suggested it since no club would risk their fixtures against the better clubs by staying out. Whilst it may have achieved an improvement in the standard of some of the cricket played, although many would dispute that, it brought an end to the club game as we knew it.”
Allen replied: “It is probably worse than even you envisaged. My local village team play in the Oxfordshire cricket association league which I guess would equate to a standard somewhere between South Hampstead 2nd and 3rd team standard. They have met up with opposition who pay a couple of star players £40-£50 per game. The big side in the area is Banbury who play in the Home Counties league and they have shipped over a South African to captain the side for the last two seasons in addition to Paul Taylor (ex Northants & England) who is employed full time as commercial manager. All first team players are reputed to be well paid. Post match socialising appears to be nonexistent. It seems that we played our cricket at the right time.”
Although I was bitterly opposed to League and Cup competitions because of their impact on the traditional club game and fixture structure I usually played if the club needed my services.
Hart’s Hell Raisers
Bob Peach sent me the above picture which was taken in the new South Hampstead pavilion in the late sixties. Bob entitled it: “Shorty Hart's renowned gang of social hell raisers.” He seemed to think that I wouldn’t be able to identify the chap on the right, but I can give you a clean sweep: Jon Mersely Matthews, Colin Newcombe, Bill Hart, Terry Cordaroy and Jerry Hill. But why were they wearing blazers? We weren’t that sort of club.
South Hampstead Dinner
For those of you who haven’t been invited but would like to attend the South Hampstead dinner, the date is Friday 28 March, 2008. Tickets can be obtained from Ken James (0208 965 1254) or Bob Peach (0208 459 7692.
Football Matters
Andrew Baker is a thoroughly modern football manager and recently decided that it was time to recruit an African striker for his Ladies Team. Unable to travel because of other business commitments he relied on Kelvin West’s talent spotting agency. He was somewhat perplexed when his new signing reported for her first training session with the team:
Old Danes Gathering
There will be another Old Danes gathering in 2008. It will again be held at Shepherds Bush Cricket Club on the Friday of their Cricket Week. The date is Friday 1st August 2008. I will be creating a specific circulation list for this event. Please let me know if you would like to be added.
Googlies and Chinamen
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Tel & fax: 01298 70237
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An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 62
February 2008
Caption Competition
1. Peg Leg: No Geoff, I don’t think that we should make Ed Smith my vice captain.
2. Geoff Miller: Don’t look so glum Mike. They could have appointed Ernie instead of me!
3. Geoff Miller: Tell Owais that we just like having him around on tour.
4. Peter Moores: I have asked Matt Prior to be on standby for New Zealand.
Geoff Miller: What for? Scorer?
- Mark Butcher: What do I have to do to get a game?
Geoff Miller: That still might not be enough.
7. Peg Leg: Is it true Geoff that you scored the same number of test centuries as Shane Warne?
Geoff Miller: Piss off.
Out and About with the Professor
The Professor, who is getting used to life “up north”, bravely ventured outdoors and sent me this report:
In all probability, you have seen rather less Blue Square (North) League football than you might have wished. Having been here for two years, I thought it was high time I went along to the Weatherby Road "stadium" to watch Harrogate Town take on the might of Barrow. This was an important match since "the Town”, as we locals say, are third in the Blue Square (North) League and looking for promotion, to whence I could not say. Barrow are mid-table.
The first shock was the price: £12 to get in, £2 for a programme and (a nice touch) a further £1 if you want to sit down. The ground (I really think "stadium" is just too preposterous) has seats along one side and traditional "stands" on the other. There's a refreshments facility (tea and a plate of chips looked to be the favoured purchase), a directors hospitality suite (a sort of mobile home on bricks) and even a bar - "The Cross Bar" (ye gods). At each end you can just lean on the rail behind the goal within touching (and talking) distance of the players - it's a very different experience from being up in the seats at a Premier League game 50 yards from the play. The football is also different although the level of ball control seemed to me to be pretty high. It's a very long time since I've been to football at this level, although I once did go to see Canterbury City play when I was working in that part of the country, and I was surprised how much I enjoyed it. In part the proximity to the play makes you feel involved - especially as the crunching tackles go in. There were four goals: two rather scrappy efforts by Harrogate and two well-crafted goals from Barrow.
The visitors had two shaven-headed bruisers as centre backs but otherwise tried to keep the ball on the floor. Harrogate favoured the more aerial route which, since it has been raining here for about a month might have been more productive than it was. Both "our" goals were scored by the centre half Mark Hume who, as a result, went to the centre forward position for the last 15 mins where, of course, he didn't trouble the goalkeeper at all. Barrow had a tall midfielder who walked around for most of the game and set up the majority of their attacks. Since the £2 programme didn't give numbers and the public address system was borrowed from British Rail circa 1960, I didn't discover his name.
Most of the Barrow players seemed to have not quite made the grade at various Football League clubs: Oldham, Tranmere, Stockport, etc and I assume the same is true of the home side. One player had started his career with Windscale United which brought out the inevitable laboured jokes. I assume that some of the youngest players still had hopes of being "spotted" by someone in the crowd of 450 hardy souls.
I have to say I enjoyed the whole thing and can recommend the experience. While I can only admire the Hoops progress at a distance I think I must save up for another trip to see the local lads.
And then he sent me this from his Caribbean sortie
There are two cricket stadia in Antigua. The largest is (inevitably) the "Sir Viv Richards" stadium which was built for the World Cup and looks very impressive. It holds, so I was told, by a less than reliable local, about 15,000 - it looks bigger than that. The other stadium is the Standford cricket ground which is hosting the Stanford inter-island Twenty/20. I don't know too much about the owner except that he is an American billionaire who is mad keen on cricket. He is also, somewhat surprisingly, a knight of the realm.
Anyway he has built this truly amazing cricket group which must be one of the best venues anywhere in the world to play. The actual playing surface is immaculate which is the opposite of anything else I've seen in the West Indies, and the whole ground is kitted out with two giant replay boards, two pavilions (home and away) either side of the grandstand and a number of sort of "Italianate" buildings dotted round the ground that do refreshment. The grandstand is at one end and at mid-wicket is the club house ("The Sticky Wicket" no less) which is a club, restaurant, set of bars and "Hall of Fame" rolled into one. The entrance to the Sticky Wicket is through three giant stumps with blue neon bails on top. The who thing looks like a traditional English cricket ground as designed by Walt Disney.
We, inadvertently, went to the opening ceremony (it was supposed to be the day before but one team didn't turn up...it is the West Indies) and there were more fireworks than I've seen since Jan 1st 2000. The whole gang Sir Gary, Sir Viv and all the rest of the "legends" were there as was the eponymous Stanford whose name was on everything - the stumps, the bats, the players, the outfield and on all the buildings - he did not strike me as a modest man.
The game (between St Lucia and the Cayman Islands) didn't quite match up - mainly because the latter couldn't bat. The fielding however was spectacular and the Cayman opening bowler (Tulloch) and the St Lucia wicket keeper both caught the eye. The ground was full of large numbers of enthusiastic supporters, stimulated, so I was told, by the offer of $1,000 for anyone in the crowd who took a catch. It was a great experience - Twenty/20 at its most vulgar and I'm sure a number of G&C readers would have disapproved heartily.
One last thing, the Grandstand, being behind the bowler's arm presents the usual sightscreen problems. The solution - it being a night-time game - was to have all the spectators in the block behind the bowler to put on black T-shirts...which they duly did.
Oh ...another last thing. You will know that it is some time since your correspondent actually held a bat (about 15 years to be exact) but the offer on the beach by a huge man called Wendell was too much to turn down and you will be pleased to know that a couple of pulls through deep mid-water and a cover drive through the sun loungers were the high spots before a straight double bouncer brought a return to reality, but not before I had been dropped in the slips...by Foreman.
Selection Matters
Before he left for the Canaries rather than New Zealand, the Great Jack Morgan sent me these observations on the latest selections
No surprise about Ravi getting the axe, but most of the views I had heard were that Matt would get another go. Ambrose is certainly a useful bat, but as I have told you before, he kept badly when I saw him... so will he be any better than Jonesy or Priory? I can’t believe that Tredwell is international class even in ODIs, I am not convinced by Wright either and I think Tremlett is more of a Test match bowler than an ODI man. The likely absence of Shane Bond should be good news for England. The brilliant news, however, is that the talents of the great Richo have finally been recognised by his call-up for the Lions squad. He is the classic unsung hero and he should have had some of those prizes that were being handed out at the end of season dinner. The puzzle, of course, is why he has been allowed to reach the age of 32 before his ability was spotted (those Aussies at Lord’s in the summer spotted it in about half an hour!). As he is obviously not “one for the future”, do you think he is seriously close to being called up for NZ if an injury occurs? Selection of Joycey for the Lions is something of a backhanded compliment, but I suppose they just want to show him that they have not forgotten all about him. Ed is 29 now, but the example of Richo will surely convince him that it is not necessarily too late. Why are England’s Stiffs given a different name for each tour? They were the A team on tour for years, then they became the Lions at home, before Christmas they turned into the EPP squad and now they are going to be the Lions on tour (for the first time). What’s going on?
Old Croney Matters
It was beginning to seem that we were never going to make contact with other former South Hampstead players, but we hadn’t reckoned on the sleuthing skills of Bill Hart and Allen Bruton. Allen tracked Keith Hardie down in no time and elicited this response from him:
“It's over 30 years since we last met and I still owe you about 27 pints of lager for the motorway bets returning from the York semi final. How are you? Are you still playing or just propping up the bar and offering unsolicited advice to the younger generation? I suppose Milverton Road has undergone many changes since I left in 1976.
I am still married to Barbara and we have a 25-year-old son currently on his OE in the UK. He is in Cardiff at the moment but hopes to escape soon to either London (in-house barman) or back to a previous job he held in Inverness. We also have a daughter who is starting some post-graduate studies at the local Canterbury University. We moved around a bit after initially arriving in Christchurch. Sydney for a year; Wellington for six years and we have been back in Canterbury since 1986. Still love it here. I stopped playing cricket to concentrate on a career in the early '80s but started again on returning to Christchurch. I stopped playing regularly in 2006 but I am still involved in "Vintage Cricket" tournaments that Barbara and I have enjoyed every second year since1992. These one week tournaments have taken us to many destinations including Birmingham, Vancouver, Perth, Brisbane and Sydney.
I have also been on a couple of tours to the UK with my club team here (Lancaster Park) which were centred around Cockfosters who are our UK sister club. Cockfosters have also been over to New Zealand 2 or 3 times in that period. The next Vintage Cricket tournament is in Stratford-on-Avon this coming August. I am possibly going to attend, which if I did would mean I could attend a reunion on any of the last 3 weekends in August. It would be great to catch up with team mates from that era.
The "Friends Reunited" web site has also kept me in touch with friends from the UK. There is a team one for "South Hampstead" which may also help you find contats or your get-together. The members signed up there include Allan Cox and Stephen Crowe. I have also posted a picture of the 1974 team in the site. Have you managed to contact Cliff Dickeson? He is still active as a coach in the NZ system and is still based in Hamilton.”
Keith then sent me a note as well
“Armed with your name and address it was very easy to track down your Art business on the web. I was initially alarmed to note the drift from the left-brained beer-loving cricketer I knew in the '70s to the right-brained hermit artist living on a mountain top in remote Derbyshire. A mere two hilltops from darkest Yorkshire; you are a brave man. No longer a "Jim" but a New Age "James" married to a New World fellow artist. Has the regular beer swiller turned into an occasional wine sipper; have the bangers and mash been replaced by quiche and assorted weeds; does he throw pots of organic clay instead of balls on Surrey loam; is Derby County an edifying substitute for the lofty years at Loftus Road; and, instead of cricket as a fulfilling pastime, has he reverted to those ultimate activities of devolution - Morris Dancing and, in his Illinois retreat, Line Dancing. Where did he go wrong?
But wait! He has also turned his skills to the art of writing. What is this publication - "Googlies and Chinamen"? Well that’s a relief! After reading the aforementioned document, there is sufficient proof that there is still hope for the lad and he can continue the natural evolution expected of cricket playing gentlemen of his senior years. There are sufficient levels of sarcasm, cynicism and political incorrectness in the document to suggest that the natural metamorphosis from fun-loving, beer-swilling, sports-mad young man of the seventies (homo cricketus) into a crusty grumpy old man of the new millennium (homo donwalus) is progressing as expected.”
Cheeky bastard. To think that I acted as Keith’s chauffeur for several years in the seventies. Meanwhile Bill Hart has located Allan Cox and Jon Matthews. We will be able to start compiling dream teams from the readership soon.
Wanderers Matters
After he retired from being the enfant terrible of the London club circuit Lord Ray, to the consternation of all batsmen, took up umpiring. Sadly he tells me that his health has caused him to retire from this pursuit as well. However, he continues to be active in efforts to revive the old Wanderers club. He sent me this:
“I have recently come into possession of four scorecards for 1957, 1958, 1961 and 1962 for Surrey CCC Club & Ground versus The Wanderers CC, all of which matches were played at Kennington Oval, when it was the Oval. That for 1957 was priced at 3d, but there was a disgraceful hike to 4d, quite out of line with the increase in the cost of living, in 1958.
Notable names for The Wanderers include Peach, Clain, D Malcolm, A J Huntley, Phipps, Nienow, Cox, and Wallis, all from South Hampstead, whilst respected names from other great London clubs are also there. Surrey C & G took it fairly seriously, as their list of players include these: Willett, Swetman, Long, R and D Pratt, Parsons, J Edrich, A V Bedser, Sid Storey, D G W Fletcher, Tom Clark, McIntyre, Loader and Arnold. I would suggest that a team from that list could give many counties today a decent game, albeit there is a lack of spin.”
I enclose a copy of the 1962 match scorecard partly because it is completed by the printers and partly to keep Bob Peach happy. It would be interesting to hear from anyone who can identify the non South Hampstead players in this contest and where they are now. Peter tells me that sadly he recently attended Geoff Misseldine’s funeral.
Sartorial Matters
The Professor made this observation following his winter outing to Sri Lanka
Incidentally, I haven't heard/read anything about this but the best Sri Lankan fielder (apart from the keeper, who is excellent) was Mubarak. He was at short leg or thereabouts for the first two tests but then was dropped since he hardly got a run. You will have observed that it is fashionable among young men to wear trousers with the crotch round the knees. Mubarak's cricket trousers are like that which, in effect, gives him a third way of catching people. It might seem a bit far-fetched to suggest that a close fielder sets out to catch the ball in his crotch but it is a big extra bit of cloth and it is exactly how he got rid of Vaughan. I foresee a change in the laws...
Penguin Matters
I received this New Year missive from Lord Ray
Twice a year, on January 1st and again in mid-year, I scan the pages of The Times - checking it against The Daily Telegraph in case there has been either omission or misprint, to see if, at long last, there has been official recognition of my outstanding qualities. (Lest there be any misunderstanding, I refer to those of character not of physique). Annually, my hopes are not just dashed but positively fragmented. From time to time, someone sharing my surname is honoured but it is never me, nor anyone of my particular line of descent. (In danger, and this may cause unseemly rejoicing in some quarters, of extinction since my brother produced three daughters and my only son has yet to marry and has not acknowledged any offspring in my hearing).
Why should I be so unreasonably overlooked? It is baffling. Yet, a line below where my name could have featured, only last year I read the name of a lady in Cheshire who was awarded an OBE for services to baton-twirling. Baton-twirling! I trust she is able to do it in more than just the one direction.
So, after all these years of disappointment and being callously ignored by successive governments, it is wonderful to find that I have been elevated in your pages to the peerage, thus outranking totally the churlish Great Jack Morgan who remains merely a commoner, "Great" or not. One is tempted to say that they do not come commoner etc but I shall resist the impulse to launch at him the sort of abuse and contumely to which I have been so brutally subjected. It was a relief to read the wise words of Bill Hart, who used to hand it out himself a little but was always, in my view, a doughty competitor and a very worthy opponent. We both recognised, I think, that the game is played with a hard ball and that you need to be able to put your money where your mouth is or has been.
Mention of Bill reminds me of a moment at which I still occasionally warm my hands during long winter months, in a tough game between South Hampstead and Wembley at Milverton Road. We had put together, not without difficulty, a reasonable but not unattainable total but South Hampstead managed to lose their way at several points in their innings. The eighth wicket - I do not recall the batsmen - painstakingly scraped and edged their way towards a win they clearly did not believe in, and we gave them nothing to encourage a different opinion. We felt it was going to be our game and we were determined to make it so. Whoever it was bowled pretty sharply for us at the time, coming in from the Milverton Road end, took out the leg stump of the number ten and we knew we were in business. Bill Hart appeared from the pavilion, marched briskly to the wicket like Richard Attenborough in "Guns at Batasi," dispensed with a guard, smacked the ball uncompromisingly through extra cover for four, stuck the bat under his arm like an RSM's pacestick, and marched smartly off after it having won the match, looking neither to left nor right, again doing his Attenborough impression. I have never liked losing, but it was a great moment of theatre.
I was put out by the report from Sri Lanka which gave the impression that the PPS was unlucky not to do much better. There was reference to his getting a dodgy decision when he was either caught or grounded by slip, but given out. There was not one iota of bad luck in this or, a least, nothing more than hundreds of batsmen have had to take over the years. The only difference is that we are now able to see incidents again. The important point, not mentioned by your reporter, is that he played a shot of which most third eleven players would be ashamed and played it, moreover, before he had had time to work out that he was actually in the middle. No decent English bat in the last fifty years would have even been offering a shot at that stage to something not requiring one. If he was not actually caught he deserved to have been and that, at that stage of the innings, was unforgivable. The PPS has no brain. That is the problem.
Then we are told he got a "shooter." Rubbish. It stayed low-ish but, again, would Hutton have got out to it? Ben, maybe but not our Len. Jack Robertson? You jest. These played on uncovered wickets, of course, but even those since covering came in possessed of decent technique would have dealt with it. The PPS got out because his feet were all over the pitch as he looked to do something unsuitable with it, with total disregard for the line and the length. Was he unaware that the wicket was not quite the same as Fenners? Does he actually watch what is going on when he is next in?
The man does not suffer from bad luck. Indeed, he is as lucky a man as there has been in the game for ages, because - as was pointed out elsewhere - he is paid handsomely for very little real work, stays at the best hotels, etc., has access to every kind of training and coaching facility there is, and is generally treated better than royalty. Still he complains. He is impenetrably and incurably thick. The question you have to ask when you assess him is this. Would you pick him to bat for your life? He is not Waugh or Border. I think I would rather have Hoggard. Or Bill Hart, come to that.
Meanwhile the Great Jack Morgan recalled the game that Steve Wright had referred to in the last edition
Steve is right; I did play against Wembley on 23 September 1967. I was a 19 year-old long-haired student a week or so away from returning to university and I opened the batting that day (which was unusual as at that time, if I made the first eleven, I batted anywhere between 1 and 10 and the following day, I batted no 8 against Ealing) possibly for the first time in a first XI match and made an average contribution to a low scoring game. I have a slight recollection of the Ray/ Blatt Incident, but as I was not on the pitch at the time, I cannot be certain what was said. According to my diary, we lost the match, but I went to Ingrid’s party in the evening so it wasn’t all bad news! Does anybody remember the party? Perhaps I did not recover in time to bat any higher than 8?
I asked David Tune if he had anything to add to the Penguin debate
Not at this time, however, as I’m of to Australia for most of March I’m minded to consult him on Antipodean etiquette, how not to rub an Aussie up the wrong way etc. I’m sure his pearls of wisdom will be worth repeating, if not putting into practice. Also, I hope to meet up with Adam Gilchrist while I’m in Perth — if he hasn’t fled to Pakistan in order to avoid buying me a beer. As you may or may not know, Gilly played for Richmond for a season when he was 17. Doubtless he learned much about team spirit and camaraderie from playing in the same side as the Penguin and myself, though “sledging” must have been an “art” he acquired later in his career. Penguin might also have a message or two for me to convey to “the slogger and stopper”, who today broke the world record for Test victims. Again, I fear my tact and diplomacy may well be tested.
Crusade Matters
When he replied to my request for information on the Stanmore match Allen Bruton expressed surprise that I had been playing: “I would have assumed that you had commenced your one man crusade against league cricket.” I replied: “You will no doubt applaud my omission for 59 issues of any reference to my campaign against league cricket. With hindsight it was inevitable as soon as someone suggested it since no club would risk their fixtures against the better clubs by staying out. Whilst it may have achieved an improvement in the standard of some of the cricket played, although many would dispute that, it brought an end to the club game as we knew it.”
Allen replied: “It is probably worse than even you envisaged. My local village team play in the Oxfordshire cricket association league which I guess would equate to a standard somewhere between South Hampstead 2nd and 3rd team standard. They have met up with opposition who pay a couple of star players £40-£50 per game. The big side in the area is Banbury who play in the Home Counties league and they have shipped over a South African to captain the side for the last two seasons in addition to Paul Taylor (ex Northants & England) who is employed full time as commercial manager. All first team players are reputed to be well paid. Post match socialising appears to be nonexistent. It seems that we played our cricket at the right time.”
Although I was bitterly opposed to League and Cup competitions because of their impact on the traditional club game and fixture structure I usually played if the club needed my services.
Hart’s Hell Raisers
Bob Peach sent me the above picture which was taken in the new South Hampstead pavilion in the late sixties. Bob entitled it: “Shorty Hart's renowned gang of social hell raisers.” He seemed to think that I wouldn’t be able to identify the chap on the right, but I can give you a clean sweep: Jon Mersely Matthews, Colin Newcombe, Bill Hart, Terry Cordaroy and Jerry Hill. But why were they wearing blazers? We weren’t that sort of club.
South Hampstead Dinner
For those of you who haven’t been invited but would like to attend the South Hampstead dinner, the date is Friday 28 March, 2008. Tickets can be obtained from Ken James (0208 965 1254) or Bob Peach (0208 459 7692.
Football Matters
Andrew Baker is a thoroughly modern football manager and recently decided that it was time to recruit an African striker for his Ladies Team. Unable to travel because of other business commitments he relied on Kelvin West’s talent spotting agency. He was somewhat perplexed when his new signing reported for her first training session with the team:
Old Danes Gathering
There will be another Old Danes gathering in 2008. It will again be held at Shepherds Bush Cricket Club on the Friday of their Cricket Week. The date is Friday 1st August 2008. I will be creating a specific circulation list for this event. Please let me know if you would like to be added.
Googlies and Chinamen
is produced by
James Sharp
Broad Lee House
Combs
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SK23 9XA
Tel & fax: 01298 70237
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