GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 158
February 2016
In and About with the Professor
The Professor has spent too long on his favourite couch
We all have regrets in life: Why didn’t I have the courage to ask her out? Why didn’t I take that job, or, more likely, why did I take this one? My current regret is…why didn’t I get on the ‘plane to South Africa? Even at this distance it has been a stunning series. I think there has only been one poor day’s play and that was the last one where the pitch made batting close to impossible. And even in this case the South African seamers bowled with enough control to bowl England out, even if that was not too difficult.
The result, of course, was an excellent outcome for the England side and no amount of retrospective wisdom can dispute the fact that, prior to them setting out, few predicted an away series win against the number 1 Test side.
At the end of the Third Test a number of the TV pundits were talking about England becoming the No.1 Test side within a year or so. They may well, but all who have played sport know that any such hubris is instantly punished by the sporting gods and so it proved. But there was so much to enjoy from both sides: Stokes, Root and Bairstow’s batting and Finn and Broad’s (and Stokes) bowling and from the South Africans: the return to form from Amla (proof, if needed, of the “form is temporary; class is permanent” maxim), Bavuma’s maiden century, Cook’s maiden century, Elgar, deKock…and on and on. Throw in Taylor’s stunning catches, the evidence that South Africa have at least three better wicket-keepers than we had, the stunning bowling of Rabada and whatever else you care to add. Great stuff.
The commentators were right, I think, to point up the social/political significance of Bavuma’s hundred and it was good to see some England players photographed in the townships doing a bit of coaching – let’s hope that was more than just a photo-op. I recall, in the apartheid days, South African cricketers defending their decisions to coach in the UK because that was their career. It was pointed out, many times, that there may be one or two coaching opportunities in parts of their own country. Happily (and hopefully) those days are well behind us. Given his scores in the First Test (10 and 0) Bavuma looked pretty assured and was not at all discomforted by Stokes’s silly hectoring – whatever that was about. Rabada’s form was excellent and all-in-all, if everyone stays fit, South African look to have a pretty decent side. It might not be so unlikely if they should return to their former position.
Perhaps England were lucky to have caught them just on the point of transition and without (almost) Steyn. Certainly if England are going to the top spot there are one or two issues to sort out, or 2, 3 and 5 to be exact and how to improve Bairstow’s ‘keeping. Cook and Anderson both had quiet series but we can put our faith in the Amla maxim, but Stokes proved what many who had seen him play knew, that he is a fine talent if not, as yet, too mature a character. The 258 was beyond imagining. Had I not seen it, I doubt if I could have believed reports. Root is just splendid and Bairstow, presumably, will keep his spot for as long as he scores runs like he did. Not too many people are great fans of Moeen’s bowling but he had a reasonable enough series and now that they have stopped messing about with his batting position, seems like a fixture in the side. For now, the seam bowling looks to be a strong suit. So, all-in-all and excellent series…I only wish I had been there.
So the Prof is pretty happy with things, unlike the Great Jack Morgan who sent me this
Bairstow is getting some stick for dropping all three of South Africa's centurions at Centurion! He has now dropped seven in the series... and he took a third ball blonger! Things turn around quite rapidly sometimes, don't they? The batting was erratic again with Cooky and Rooty both getting 76 and Moeen made 61, but no one else made more than 33: not good enough and a lead of 133 was conceded (K Rabada 7-112). South Africa then added 42-1 to lead by 175: will we hang on for the draw? I am not optimistic.
"I am not optimistic" I wrote the other day, but I did not expect a debacle of this magnitude. I do not think anyone comes out of that fourth innings with credit except for K Rabada: 6-32 and 13-144 in the match. It might be a good thing for England though if it makes them realise that this bunch is not really all that good. I think only five England players can really be happy with their form: Bairstow 359 runs @ 71.8 and 20 victims, Stokes 411 runs @ 58.71 and 12 wkts @ 29.16, Root 386 runs @ 55.14, Broad 18 wkts @ 20.61 and Finn 11 wkts @ 26.09 and there is, of course, the big question mark over Jonny's keeping. Six places are, or ought to be, up for grabs.
Googlies Hall of Fame
I have been inundated with correspondence requesting information as to Who has been inducted into the Googlies Hall of Fame, What the qualifications are and How you go about applying either on your own or someone else’s behalf. I am pleased to enlighten interested parties with the following:
The Hall of Fame Admissions Committee meets regularly to consider applicants. In order to preserve impartiality and preclude bribery it is of course imperative that the members of this committee remain anonymous. So once we have sated ourselves on copious beverages, sweetmeats and savories Jack, John and I get down to business. The applicants all have to complete a questionnaire and the initial committee activity is to mark their responses. The Questionnaire is reproduced below:
Part A
1.How many more runs would you have scored a. in your career, b. against the Aussies, c. that day at Hornsey, if you had been using one of the modern bats?
1.1 Probably none because I would have been exhausted by the time I had got to the middle.
1.2 I always borrowed a bat and so it would depend on who was lending that day.
1.3 The principal feature of my batting was to occupy the crease for a long time without scoring many runs and so a big bat would have spoiled my game plan.
2. How do you feel about the Barmy Army?
2.1 A bunch of middle aged yobs who have nothing better to do with their time and money than to spoil a day’s outing for real cricket lovers.
2.2 They are people who think that singing Jerusalem is going to make a difference to the outcome of a cricket match.
2.3 They are tourists who think that it is of interest to others that they put the name of their home town on a Union Jack flag which is draped over a railing in some foreign field.
3.Which football team do you support?
3.1 Chelsea
3.2 Brentford
3.3 Queens Park Rangers
4. How would you rate your bigotry quotient?
4.1 3.6
4.2 10002.3
4.3 –14.7
5. Which was your favourite fixture?
5.1 Public School Wanderers, home
5.2 Mill Hill, away
5.3 Old Grammarians in Cricket Week
6. Which bowler got you out most?
6.1 Bill Hart
6.2 Lord Ray
6.3 Brian Read
7. Who did you score most runs off?
7.1 Bill Hart
7.2 Lord Ray
7.3 Brian Read
8. On which ground were you most likely to spill blood when batting?
8.1 Wembley
8.2 Edmonton
8.3 Mill Hill
9. Which of the following South Hampstead Umpires fingered you most?
9.1 Rhys Axworthy
9.2 Clive Coleman
9.3 Harry Rose
9.4 Tubby Peach
9.5 Stan Richards
9.6 Harry Wild
9.7 Aubrey Tutton
10. How many and what were the colours of the biros that Audrey Hawdon used for scoring?
10.1 4 – red, blue, green and black
10.2 6 - red, blue, green, black, orange and yellow
10.3 Who cares?
11. Who hit the ball hardest and furthest?
11.1 David Hays
11.2 David Jukes
11.3 Lionel Hayward
12. The following bowlers all moved effortlessly from seamers to leg spin bowling. Who was the most effective?
12.1 Steve Wright
12.2 Micky Dunn
12.3 Len Stubbs
13. Who was the best captain you played under?
13.1 Basil Wright
13.2 Steve Wright
13.3 Don Wallis
14. Which of the following fine athletes would you want running for you in a life or death situation?
14.1 Steve Thompson
14.2 Roger Kingdon
14.3 Alf Langley
15. Who said “Club cricket died with the introduction of League Cricket”?
15.1 Brian Stevens
15.2 David Evans
15.3 David Bloomfield
16. Why did so many Australians play London Club cricket in the 1970s?
16.1 They wanted to improve their diction
16.2 They needed a break from drinking during the week
16.3 Qantas chucked them off their planes at Heathrow
17. Can you link the following with the clubs they were closely associated with?
a. Dick Simpson 1. Mill Hill
b. Dusty Miller 2. Shepherds Bush
c. David Perrin 3. Hornsey
d. Roger Pearman 4. Surbiton
18. What is your worse memory of a cricket tour?
18.1 Getting debagged in Lewis town square
18.2 That blonde in Tavistock
18.3 That blonde in Tavistock’s mum
19. How many of your friends are MCC members?
19.1 All of them
19.2 2
19.3 13
19.4 None of them
20. How much of your playing kit do you still have?
20.1 Club sweater
20.2 MCC sweater
20.3 Bat
20.4 All of it
21. Which of the following clubs have you been a member of?
21.1 Free Foresters
21.2 I Zingari
21.3 Mill Hill
21.4 MCC
21.5 Band of Brothers
21.6 Thames Valley Gentlemen
21.7 Ballbaggians
22. In the seventies South Hampstead were blessed with a series of fine left arm spin bowlers – Cox, Hardie, Dickeson and Cozens, but none of them got as many wickets for the club as one of their off spinners. Can you identify the right tweaker?
22.1 John Tutton
22.2 Ken James
22.3 Ian Mackintosh
22.4 John Anderson
Part B deals with pertinent personal criteria of the applicant and should be completed on line on our Facebook page where your intimate details will remain forever for all to see.
Broad Matters
Broad has developed an irritating facility to buggar up matches. He has apparently on six occasions in test matches taken five wickets in a spell. The Wanderers match in January was nicely poised on day three with the prospect of two more absorbing days when up pops Broad with another match spoiling effort which cut the game short and deprived the spectators of two days cricket watching. There was a time when such episodes were far apart and there were talks of Broad being dropped but now they are becoming all too frequent.
Big Bash Matters
I watched the highlights of the Big Bash Final. The Melbourne Stars batted first and KP played powerfully and fluently for 74 but only Luke Wright made any other contribution of substance and they finished on 176 for 9. Usman Khawaja and Kallis opened for the Sydney Thunder and were soon creaming it all over the place. Kallis is now well inline for a place in the Fatties Eleven but he was overshadowed by Khawaja who is the batter of the Aussie season. I have not seen him in form before and playing like this it is easy to see why so much faith was placed in him earlier in his career. The Thunder lost wickets but were sufficiently ahead of the rate to enable them to win with balls to spare. The match was watched by over 47,000.
Stokes Matters
First Jack Morgan
Stokes and Bairstow took their partnership on to 399 before Ben went for 258 off 198 with 30 fours and 11 sixes, Jonny made 150* off 191 with 18 fours and 2 sixes, impressive. A whole bunch of records were broken in Cape Town: Ben- fastest ever Test ton for England v South Africa, fastest ever 150 and double hundred for England, 2nd fastest Test double century in history (behind only Nathan Astle when I was present in Christchurch in 2002), most runs scored in a morning session in Tests (130), most sixes hit in an England innings (11), 258 is the highest individual score for Eng v SA, highest ever Test score by a number six, he is the 6th batsman in history to reach 100 and 200 in the same session and it was the fastest ever 250 in Tests; partnership - most runs scored in a morning session (196) for England in Tests and second highest ever, fastest ever 300 stand, the 399 partnership was a world record for the sixth wkt and the 2nd highest for England for any wicket.
Then me
I was fortunate enough to watch the Stokes innings live. I have seen him in the past make hitting look easy in T20 county matches but this was of a different order. It was apparent that the wicket was good enough to allow hitting through the line and that the captaincy of the fielding side was to say the least uninspired but this was assured demolition. The bowling did not make appropriate adjustments to the onslaught but this is often the case when faced with in-form power.
However, over the next couple of days as South Africa progressed without losing wickets I found myself tempted to put the Stokes innings into context as just part of a high scoring match but this shouldn’t happen. The sixes, the scoring rate and his assuredness at the crease were a fabulous feat.
Incidentally this innings on top of his previous two hundreds probably explain why the authorities were so lenient with regards the violent behaviour that Stokes exhibited earlier in his career. They must have realised that his talent was something special.
Bereavement Matters
The Great Jack Morgan sent me this
It was a shock to hear that Sussex pace bowler Matt Hobden had died aged 22, though nobody is saying what he died of...sad. He actually played in that 2s game at Richmond last year, but you did not see him as he disappeared halfway through the match because he had been called up by the first XI. There are said to be “no suspicious circumstances”... so how come he is dead? Natural causes at 22?
Following the death of M Hobden comes the news that ex-Devon and Warwicks pace bowler Tom Allin has also died. He was not one of the great names in cricket (as far as I can tell he never scored a first class run, nor took a wicket nor a catch), but it is still awful that he should die aged 28. Again, there is no news about what caused his death, except that he was found "at the base of a bridge" (whereabouts is the base of a bridge? on it or under it?) in Bideford. Police are not treating his death as suspicious: sudden deaths of young, fit cricketers do not seem to arouse much suspicion do they?
He was the son of Tony Allin who I remember playing one (successful) season of cricket with Glam in 1976. Tony could bat a bit, but was mainly a SLA bowler and he finished top of the Glamorgan first class averages in '76 with 44 wkts at 22.97 inc 8-63 v Sussex @ Cardiff, 6-133 and 5-95 v Middlesex at Swansea and 6-24 @ Worcester. "Disenchanted", he left at the end of the season and returned to his father's dairy farm near Bideford. In 1976, teams played 20 Championship matches and the 10 that Middlesex played at home did not include one against Glamorgan, but I dug out Wisden to have a look at the Swansea match which was played on a "sun baked pitch which took spin". Middlesex 389 (C Radley 123, Allin 6-133), Glamorgan 298 (A Jones 91, N Featherstone 4-60), Middlesex 180 (Allin 5-59, G Richards 4-55), Glam 85 in 19.2 overs (F Titmus 7-34). Middlesex won by 186.
In addition to those mentioned, the Middlesex team included M Brearley, M Smith, G Barlow, R Butcher, P Edmonds, T Lamb, M Sturt and A Jones. Middlesex won the Championship that season, while Glamorgan were last during troubled times for the Welsh county. Allin easily topped the Glamorgan bowling averages taking his wickets more than 10 runs cheaper than second placed Malcolm Nash and he averaged a respectable 16.5 with the bat with several "all-rounders" below him.
In the meantime, police think Hobden "may have fallen off the roof" of a property in Forres, Moray. Still nothing suspicious about it though.
Nutter Matters
Jim Revier sent me this
Not wishing to disagree with your brother, but I would question whether DT is "totally blind". Part of Rangers half time entertainment this season has been the parading and interviewing of past Hoops heroes. At the game against MK Dons back in October DT was with Shanks, Bowles, Abbott, Hollins and Gillard from the 1975/6 side. He certainly didn't have a guide dog with him and waved to the crowd.
In the programme for the Burnley game (12/12) there was an interview with him about his sight problems and I quote some of it here :
“I was registered blind/partially sighted in 2008.Since losing my sight I have had three operations but unfortunately there is no improvement in my vision. Although I still enjoy golf, fly fishing, carriage driving and gardening, I have to rely on family and friends to take me out .This year I decided to apply for a Guide dog. Guide Dogs has always been close to my heart; both of my elderly parents were diagnosed with Glaucoma."
It seems going on George's description that DT now indeed has his Guide dog and it is possible he has totally lost his sight, but I would see it as him now having the means to get out and about on his own. It goes without saying that Guide Dogs is a wonderful charity which enables people like DT to keep their independence.
The half time interviewees have also included Phil Parkes and Gerry Francis from the 75/6 side as well as the likes of Gary Bannister, John Byrne and Dennis Bailey. The 75/6 side was not just an unlucky one on the field : Dave Clement committed suicide, Mick Leach died of cancer in his 40's, the great Stanley Bowles is now suffering with Alzheimer’s, Phil Parkes has apparently recovered from Bowel cancer and now we have Dave Thomas' misfortune.
Seeing our former greats has not deflected from the absolute shite we are served up on a regular basis at Loftus Rd these days. It is now 40 years since that great side graced the turf. If the exercise is repeated in another 40 years only Charlie Austin, a rose amongst thorns, of the current bunch would warrant an invite back. Finally, in the next 40 years will we :
a. Win an FA Cup tie?
b. Win a game at Notts Forest where our proud record now reads P31 W 0 D 12 L 19.
Mug-gate Matters
The Professor updates on his favourite Christmas gift
Googlies readers will have spent anxious weeks wondering how my correspondence with Dunoon, the makers of cricket mugs, has gone. For those not entirely up-to-date (or what it is now fashionable to call “behind the curve” for some inscrutable reason; what curve? why is whatever function it is not linear? etc., etc.) with this critical issue it is sufficient to know that this company manufactures a ceramic gift depicting umpiring signals, one of which is incorrect.
December is a quiet time for me and so I put fingertips to keyboard to tell them the error of their ways. I realise that I have, quite possibly, been excessively vigilant in this but I have been impressed by the diligence with which organisations like the Association of Cricket Statisticians pursue inexactitudes and decided to seek to emulate their thoroughness.
Accordingly, I wrote to the designer of the mug, a Ms Caroline Dadd.
Somewhat surprisingly, she replied. My letter pointed out that there was an error in one of the depictions but I didn’t say which one. Yes, yes, yes, I know…but why not?
In the event Ms Dadd replied and I felt sure that Googlies readers would want to know what she said:
“ Dear Prof Adams, etc., etc., sorry to learn of your disappointment…as you quite rightly point out I am not an expert on cricket…we make every effort…
…And so on.
And then:
“we would like to correct the motif and, having reviewed rule 3 (sic) of cricket I am afraid I am none the wiser to the specific problem”.
She then asked me to write back, which I did. (Parenthetically, I have never used the phrase “I am none the wiser” since reading of F E Smith’s response to a judge who said, after Smith’s explanation of something: “I’m afraid Mr Smith we are none the wiser”. To which Smith replied: “Indeed you’re not my Lord but you are better informed”)
Anyway, I explained in detail the problem and offered her my services on a continuing basis at my normal consultancy rate of 500 guineas per diem.
I’m not sure how attuned Ms Dadd is to irony. So far, not very.
Red Mist Matters
Colin Munro hit the second-fastest Twenty20 international half-century, off only 14 balls, as New Zealand beat Sri Lanka in their final tour match. Munro's 50 not out, which included seven sixes, came in two more balls than Yuvraj Singh took against England in the World Twenty20 in 2007. Team-mate Martin Guptill had set a new Black Caps record earlier in the match with a 19-ball 50 on his way to 63. Munro set a new record for the number of sixes in a first-class innings with 23 in a score of 281 for Auckland in March.
Martin Guptill and Kane Williamson broke the record for the highest stand in Twenty20 international cricket, adding 171 as New Zealand crushed Pakistan by 10 wickets in Hamilton. Guptill hit four sixes in his 87 from 58 balls, while skipper Williamson took only 48 deliveries for his 72.
It goes without saying that New Zealand will be taking the T20 World Cup seriously.
Diamonds and Squares Matters
A few years back I reported that Lancashire had red diamonds sewn pointlessly into the armpits of their white shirts. These clearly served no purpose other than to look ridiculous. Last week I watched Arsenal take on Manchester City and they had red squares sewn onto the inside thighs of their white shorts. What is going on? Are these Nicotine or even Morphine patches?
Leg Spinning Matters
There was a time when leg spinners bowled all leggies with the odd googly thrown in. But then Hamburger came along with a whole host of variations some real, some a figment of his imagination. What proportion of his deliveries were true legspinners? And then Mushtaq Ahmed starting taking loads of wickets for Sussex and won them a couple of championships. When I saw him with Jack and Jim on a couple of occasions at Hove and the Rose Bowl he would manage several LBW appeals an over as the front pad was repeatedly struck. I belatedly realized that he was actually bowling googlies with just the odd leggie thrown in for variation.
Watching ODI cricket this winter and particularly T20 the leg spinner has become a key component of any attack but the more experienced the exponent of this art, watch Badree, the more googlies they bowl. It may be that the inclination of batsmen to give themselves room by freeing the front leg and backing away means that the bowler can only cramp them up by using the googly as a stock ball. It will be fascinating to see the leg spinners in the T20 World Cup.
KP Matters
The Great Jack Morgan has been keeping his ear to the ground
ITV had a programme on KP last night and it was surprising to hear that D Gough and M Vaughan think he is a great bloke, but it was implied that this was not the universal view and the dissenters included A Flower and A Strauss. NRD Compton apparently spoke at the Bush dinner and agreed that KP is a "complete tosser".
Rangers Matters
The Great Jack Morgan sent me this
I met Jim Revier today in Chiswick for alcoholic purposes and he posed me the question of who were the Rs players in the team photo (57/58?) included in the tribute to Ron Springett (none were mentioned in the programme). I got nine almost immediately, but had to check up on Les Locke (who I failed to recognise) and Conway Smith (who I only saw once or twice), who did not immediately spring to mind. I made the mistake of consulting the useless “History of QPR” by M Shaoul, for which I wrote a scathing and lengthy review for AKUTRs. I sent the following email giving the eleven players and even the date of the match at which the photo was taken! Probably.
“I have not attended a first team match at Loftus Road since the ground went allseater in 1994, but my cousin, season ticket holder Jim Revier, has passed me his copy of the programme for the Sheffield Wednesday game on 20 October 2015 and asked me if I could name the eleven players in the photograph on page 27. I think this photo was taken at the game against Coventry City on 2 November 1957 and I believe the players are as follows: back row: Arthur Longbottom (8), George Petchey (4), Keith Rutter (5), Ron Springett (1), Pat Woods (2), Peter Angell (6); front row: Pat Kerrins (11), Les Locke (10), Tony Ingham (3), Conway Smith (9) and Alex Dawson (7). Rs won the game 3-0 with goals from Kerrins 2 and Locke. 9,246 attended.”
Apparently, my e-mail identifying the Rs players from 1957 was published in the programme on Saturday (Leeds game); I was not confident that it would be as they did not thank me or even acknowledge my contribution and they do not have such a thing as a letters page these days, but they do have a "messageboard".
Old Danes Gathering
There will be an Old Danes Gathering at Shepherds Bush Cricket Club on Friday 29 July 2016. All Old Danes, spouses and friends will be welcome as this is not a cricketer only event. The event will commence around 2pm and will continue into the evening or until everyone has left! The bar will be open throughout.
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Tel: 01298 70237
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An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 158
February 2016
In and About with the Professor
The Professor has spent too long on his favourite couch
We all have regrets in life: Why didn’t I have the courage to ask her out? Why didn’t I take that job, or, more likely, why did I take this one? My current regret is…why didn’t I get on the ‘plane to South Africa? Even at this distance it has been a stunning series. I think there has only been one poor day’s play and that was the last one where the pitch made batting close to impossible. And even in this case the South African seamers bowled with enough control to bowl England out, even if that was not too difficult.
The result, of course, was an excellent outcome for the England side and no amount of retrospective wisdom can dispute the fact that, prior to them setting out, few predicted an away series win against the number 1 Test side.
At the end of the Third Test a number of the TV pundits were talking about England becoming the No.1 Test side within a year or so. They may well, but all who have played sport know that any such hubris is instantly punished by the sporting gods and so it proved. But there was so much to enjoy from both sides: Stokes, Root and Bairstow’s batting and Finn and Broad’s (and Stokes) bowling and from the South Africans: the return to form from Amla (proof, if needed, of the “form is temporary; class is permanent” maxim), Bavuma’s maiden century, Cook’s maiden century, Elgar, deKock…and on and on. Throw in Taylor’s stunning catches, the evidence that South Africa have at least three better wicket-keepers than we had, the stunning bowling of Rabada and whatever else you care to add. Great stuff.
The commentators were right, I think, to point up the social/political significance of Bavuma’s hundred and it was good to see some England players photographed in the townships doing a bit of coaching – let’s hope that was more than just a photo-op. I recall, in the apartheid days, South African cricketers defending their decisions to coach in the UK because that was their career. It was pointed out, many times, that there may be one or two coaching opportunities in parts of their own country. Happily (and hopefully) those days are well behind us. Given his scores in the First Test (10 and 0) Bavuma looked pretty assured and was not at all discomforted by Stokes’s silly hectoring – whatever that was about. Rabada’s form was excellent and all-in-all, if everyone stays fit, South African look to have a pretty decent side. It might not be so unlikely if they should return to their former position.
Perhaps England were lucky to have caught them just on the point of transition and without (almost) Steyn. Certainly if England are going to the top spot there are one or two issues to sort out, or 2, 3 and 5 to be exact and how to improve Bairstow’s ‘keeping. Cook and Anderson both had quiet series but we can put our faith in the Amla maxim, but Stokes proved what many who had seen him play knew, that he is a fine talent if not, as yet, too mature a character. The 258 was beyond imagining. Had I not seen it, I doubt if I could have believed reports. Root is just splendid and Bairstow, presumably, will keep his spot for as long as he scores runs like he did. Not too many people are great fans of Moeen’s bowling but he had a reasonable enough series and now that they have stopped messing about with his batting position, seems like a fixture in the side. For now, the seam bowling looks to be a strong suit. So, all-in-all and excellent series…I only wish I had been there.
So the Prof is pretty happy with things, unlike the Great Jack Morgan who sent me this
Bairstow is getting some stick for dropping all three of South Africa's centurions at Centurion! He has now dropped seven in the series... and he took a third ball blonger! Things turn around quite rapidly sometimes, don't they? The batting was erratic again with Cooky and Rooty both getting 76 and Moeen made 61, but no one else made more than 33: not good enough and a lead of 133 was conceded (K Rabada 7-112). South Africa then added 42-1 to lead by 175: will we hang on for the draw? I am not optimistic.
"I am not optimistic" I wrote the other day, but I did not expect a debacle of this magnitude. I do not think anyone comes out of that fourth innings with credit except for K Rabada: 6-32 and 13-144 in the match. It might be a good thing for England though if it makes them realise that this bunch is not really all that good. I think only five England players can really be happy with their form: Bairstow 359 runs @ 71.8 and 20 victims, Stokes 411 runs @ 58.71 and 12 wkts @ 29.16, Root 386 runs @ 55.14, Broad 18 wkts @ 20.61 and Finn 11 wkts @ 26.09 and there is, of course, the big question mark over Jonny's keeping. Six places are, or ought to be, up for grabs.
Googlies Hall of Fame
I have been inundated with correspondence requesting information as to Who has been inducted into the Googlies Hall of Fame, What the qualifications are and How you go about applying either on your own or someone else’s behalf. I am pleased to enlighten interested parties with the following:
The Hall of Fame Admissions Committee meets regularly to consider applicants. In order to preserve impartiality and preclude bribery it is of course imperative that the members of this committee remain anonymous. So once we have sated ourselves on copious beverages, sweetmeats and savories Jack, John and I get down to business. The applicants all have to complete a questionnaire and the initial committee activity is to mark their responses. The Questionnaire is reproduced below:
Part A
1.How many more runs would you have scored a. in your career, b. against the Aussies, c. that day at Hornsey, if you had been using one of the modern bats?
1.1 Probably none because I would have been exhausted by the time I had got to the middle.
1.2 I always borrowed a bat and so it would depend on who was lending that day.
1.3 The principal feature of my batting was to occupy the crease for a long time without scoring many runs and so a big bat would have spoiled my game plan.
2. How do you feel about the Barmy Army?
2.1 A bunch of middle aged yobs who have nothing better to do with their time and money than to spoil a day’s outing for real cricket lovers.
2.2 They are people who think that singing Jerusalem is going to make a difference to the outcome of a cricket match.
2.3 They are tourists who think that it is of interest to others that they put the name of their home town on a Union Jack flag which is draped over a railing in some foreign field.
3.Which football team do you support?
3.1 Chelsea
3.2 Brentford
3.3 Queens Park Rangers
4. How would you rate your bigotry quotient?
4.1 3.6
4.2 10002.3
4.3 –14.7
5. Which was your favourite fixture?
5.1 Public School Wanderers, home
5.2 Mill Hill, away
5.3 Old Grammarians in Cricket Week
6. Which bowler got you out most?
6.1 Bill Hart
6.2 Lord Ray
6.3 Brian Read
7. Who did you score most runs off?
7.1 Bill Hart
7.2 Lord Ray
7.3 Brian Read
8. On which ground were you most likely to spill blood when batting?
8.1 Wembley
8.2 Edmonton
8.3 Mill Hill
9. Which of the following South Hampstead Umpires fingered you most?
9.1 Rhys Axworthy
9.2 Clive Coleman
9.3 Harry Rose
9.4 Tubby Peach
9.5 Stan Richards
9.6 Harry Wild
9.7 Aubrey Tutton
10. How many and what were the colours of the biros that Audrey Hawdon used for scoring?
10.1 4 – red, blue, green and black
10.2 6 - red, blue, green, black, orange and yellow
10.3 Who cares?
11. Who hit the ball hardest and furthest?
11.1 David Hays
11.2 David Jukes
11.3 Lionel Hayward
12. The following bowlers all moved effortlessly from seamers to leg spin bowling. Who was the most effective?
12.1 Steve Wright
12.2 Micky Dunn
12.3 Len Stubbs
13. Who was the best captain you played under?
13.1 Basil Wright
13.2 Steve Wright
13.3 Don Wallis
14. Which of the following fine athletes would you want running for you in a life or death situation?
14.1 Steve Thompson
14.2 Roger Kingdon
14.3 Alf Langley
15. Who said “Club cricket died with the introduction of League Cricket”?
15.1 Brian Stevens
15.2 David Evans
15.3 David Bloomfield
16. Why did so many Australians play London Club cricket in the 1970s?
16.1 They wanted to improve their diction
16.2 They needed a break from drinking during the week
16.3 Qantas chucked them off their planes at Heathrow
17. Can you link the following with the clubs they were closely associated with?
a. Dick Simpson 1. Mill Hill
b. Dusty Miller 2. Shepherds Bush
c. David Perrin 3. Hornsey
d. Roger Pearman 4. Surbiton
18. What is your worse memory of a cricket tour?
18.1 Getting debagged in Lewis town square
18.2 That blonde in Tavistock
18.3 That blonde in Tavistock’s mum
19. How many of your friends are MCC members?
19.1 All of them
19.2 2
19.3 13
19.4 None of them
20. How much of your playing kit do you still have?
20.1 Club sweater
20.2 MCC sweater
20.3 Bat
20.4 All of it
21. Which of the following clubs have you been a member of?
21.1 Free Foresters
21.2 I Zingari
21.3 Mill Hill
21.4 MCC
21.5 Band of Brothers
21.6 Thames Valley Gentlemen
21.7 Ballbaggians
22. In the seventies South Hampstead were blessed with a series of fine left arm spin bowlers – Cox, Hardie, Dickeson and Cozens, but none of them got as many wickets for the club as one of their off spinners. Can you identify the right tweaker?
22.1 John Tutton
22.2 Ken James
22.3 Ian Mackintosh
22.4 John Anderson
Part B deals with pertinent personal criteria of the applicant and should be completed on line on our Facebook page where your intimate details will remain forever for all to see.
Broad Matters
Broad has developed an irritating facility to buggar up matches. He has apparently on six occasions in test matches taken five wickets in a spell. The Wanderers match in January was nicely poised on day three with the prospect of two more absorbing days when up pops Broad with another match spoiling effort which cut the game short and deprived the spectators of two days cricket watching. There was a time when such episodes were far apart and there were talks of Broad being dropped but now they are becoming all too frequent.
Big Bash Matters
I watched the highlights of the Big Bash Final. The Melbourne Stars batted first and KP played powerfully and fluently for 74 but only Luke Wright made any other contribution of substance and they finished on 176 for 9. Usman Khawaja and Kallis opened for the Sydney Thunder and were soon creaming it all over the place. Kallis is now well inline for a place in the Fatties Eleven but he was overshadowed by Khawaja who is the batter of the Aussie season. I have not seen him in form before and playing like this it is easy to see why so much faith was placed in him earlier in his career. The Thunder lost wickets but were sufficiently ahead of the rate to enable them to win with balls to spare. The match was watched by over 47,000.
Stokes Matters
First Jack Morgan
Stokes and Bairstow took their partnership on to 399 before Ben went for 258 off 198 with 30 fours and 11 sixes, Jonny made 150* off 191 with 18 fours and 2 sixes, impressive. A whole bunch of records were broken in Cape Town: Ben- fastest ever Test ton for England v South Africa, fastest ever 150 and double hundred for England, 2nd fastest Test double century in history (behind only Nathan Astle when I was present in Christchurch in 2002), most runs scored in a morning session in Tests (130), most sixes hit in an England innings (11), 258 is the highest individual score for Eng v SA, highest ever Test score by a number six, he is the 6th batsman in history to reach 100 and 200 in the same session and it was the fastest ever 250 in Tests; partnership - most runs scored in a morning session (196) for England in Tests and second highest ever, fastest ever 300 stand, the 399 partnership was a world record for the sixth wkt and the 2nd highest for England for any wicket.
Then me
I was fortunate enough to watch the Stokes innings live. I have seen him in the past make hitting look easy in T20 county matches but this was of a different order. It was apparent that the wicket was good enough to allow hitting through the line and that the captaincy of the fielding side was to say the least uninspired but this was assured demolition. The bowling did not make appropriate adjustments to the onslaught but this is often the case when faced with in-form power.
However, over the next couple of days as South Africa progressed without losing wickets I found myself tempted to put the Stokes innings into context as just part of a high scoring match but this shouldn’t happen. The sixes, the scoring rate and his assuredness at the crease were a fabulous feat.
Incidentally this innings on top of his previous two hundreds probably explain why the authorities were so lenient with regards the violent behaviour that Stokes exhibited earlier in his career. They must have realised that his talent was something special.
Bereavement Matters
The Great Jack Morgan sent me this
It was a shock to hear that Sussex pace bowler Matt Hobden had died aged 22, though nobody is saying what he died of...sad. He actually played in that 2s game at Richmond last year, but you did not see him as he disappeared halfway through the match because he had been called up by the first XI. There are said to be “no suspicious circumstances”... so how come he is dead? Natural causes at 22?
Following the death of M Hobden comes the news that ex-Devon and Warwicks pace bowler Tom Allin has also died. He was not one of the great names in cricket (as far as I can tell he never scored a first class run, nor took a wicket nor a catch), but it is still awful that he should die aged 28. Again, there is no news about what caused his death, except that he was found "at the base of a bridge" (whereabouts is the base of a bridge? on it or under it?) in Bideford. Police are not treating his death as suspicious: sudden deaths of young, fit cricketers do not seem to arouse much suspicion do they?
He was the son of Tony Allin who I remember playing one (successful) season of cricket with Glam in 1976. Tony could bat a bit, but was mainly a SLA bowler and he finished top of the Glamorgan first class averages in '76 with 44 wkts at 22.97 inc 8-63 v Sussex @ Cardiff, 6-133 and 5-95 v Middlesex at Swansea and 6-24 @ Worcester. "Disenchanted", he left at the end of the season and returned to his father's dairy farm near Bideford. In 1976, teams played 20 Championship matches and the 10 that Middlesex played at home did not include one against Glamorgan, but I dug out Wisden to have a look at the Swansea match which was played on a "sun baked pitch which took spin". Middlesex 389 (C Radley 123, Allin 6-133), Glamorgan 298 (A Jones 91, N Featherstone 4-60), Middlesex 180 (Allin 5-59, G Richards 4-55), Glam 85 in 19.2 overs (F Titmus 7-34). Middlesex won by 186.
In addition to those mentioned, the Middlesex team included M Brearley, M Smith, G Barlow, R Butcher, P Edmonds, T Lamb, M Sturt and A Jones. Middlesex won the Championship that season, while Glamorgan were last during troubled times for the Welsh county. Allin easily topped the Glamorgan bowling averages taking his wickets more than 10 runs cheaper than second placed Malcolm Nash and he averaged a respectable 16.5 with the bat with several "all-rounders" below him.
In the meantime, police think Hobden "may have fallen off the roof" of a property in Forres, Moray. Still nothing suspicious about it though.
Nutter Matters
Jim Revier sent me this
Not wishing to disagree with your brother, but I would question whether DT is "totally blind". Part of Rangers half time entertainment this season has been the parading and interviewing of past Hoops heroes. At the game against MK Dons back in October DT was with Shanks, Bowles, Abbott, Hollins and Gillard from the 1975/6 side. He certainly didn't have a guide dog with him and waved to the crowd.
In the programme for the Burnley game (12/12) there was an interview with him about his sight problems and I quote some of it here :
“I was registered blind/partially sighted in 2008.Since losing my sight I have had three operations but unfortunately there is no improvement in my vision. Although I still enjoy golf, fly fishing, carriage driving and gardening, I have to rely on family and friends to take me out .This year I decided to apply for a Guide dog. Guide Dogs has always been close to my heart; both of my elderly parents were diagnosed with Glaucoma."
It seems going on George's description that DT now indeed has his Guide dog and it is possible he has totally lost his sight, but I would see it as him now having the means to get out and about on his own. It goes without saying that Guide Dogs is a wonderful charity which enables people like DT to keep their independence.
The half time interviewees have also included Phil Parkes and Gerry Francis from the 75/6 side as well as the likes of Gary Bannister, John Byrne and Dennis Bailey. The 75/6 side was not just an unlucky one on the field : Dave Clement committed suicide, Mick Leach died of cancer in his 40's, the great Stanley Bowles is now suffering with Alzheimer’s, Phil Parkes has apparently recovered from Bowel cancer and now we have Dave Thomas' misfortune.
Seeing our former greats has not deflected from the absolute shite we are served up on a regular basis at Loftus Rd these days. It is now 40 years since that great side graced the turf. If the exercise is repeated in another 40 years only Charlie Austin, a rose amongst thorns, of the current bunch would warrant an invite back. Finally, in the next 40 years will we :
a. Win an FA Cup tie?
b. Win a game at Notts Forest where our proud record now reads P31 W 0 D 12 L 19.
Mug-gate Matters
The Professor updates on his favourite Christmas gift
Googlies readers will have spent anxious weeks wondering how my correspondence with Dunoon, the makers of cricket mugs, has gone. For those not entirely up-to-date (or what it is now fashionable to call “behind the curve” for some inscrutable reason; what curve? why is whatever function it is not linear? etc., etc.) with this critical issue it is sufficient to know that this company manufactures a ceramic gift depicting umpiring signals, one of which is incorrect.
December is a quiet time for me and so I put fingertips to keyboard to tell them the error of their ways. I realise that I have, quite possibly, been excessively vigilant in this but I have been impressed by the diligence with which organisations like the Association of Cricket Statisticians pursue inexactitudes and decided to seek to emulate their thoroughness.
Accordingly, I wrote to the designer of the mug, a Ms Caroline Dadd.
Somewhat surprisingly, she replied. My letter pointed out that there was an error in one of the depictions but I didn’t say which one. Yes, yes, yes, I know…but why not?
In the event Ms Dadd replied and I felt sure that Googlies readers would want to know what she said:
“ Dear Prof Adams, etc., etc., sorry to learn of your disappointment…as you quite rightly point out I am not an expert on cricket…we make every effort…
…And so on.
And then:
“we would like to correct the motif and, having reviewed rule 3 (sic) of cricket I am afraid I am none the wiser to the specific problem”.
She then asked me to write back, which I did. (Parenthetically, I have never used the phrase “I am none the wiser” since reading of F E Smith’s response to a judge who said, after Smith’s explanation of something: “I’m afraid Mr Smith we are none the wiser”. To which Smith replied: “Indeed you’re not my Lord but you are better informed”)
Anyway, I explained in detail the problem and offered her my services on a continuing basis at my normal consultancy rate of 500 guineas per diem.
I’m not sure how attuned Ms Dadd is to irony. So far, not very.
Red Mist Matters
Colin Munro hit the second-fastest Twenty20 international half-century, off only 14 balls, as New Zealand beat Sri Lanka in their final tour match. Munro's 50 not out, which included seven sixes, came in two more balls than Yuvraj Singh took against England in the World Twenty20 in 2007. Team-mate Martin Guptill had set a new Black Caps record earlier in the match with a 19-ball 50 on his way to 63. Munro set a new record for the number of sixes in a first-class innings with 23 in a score of 281 for Auckland in March.
Martin Guptill and Kane Williamson broke the record for the highest stand in Twenty20 international cricket, adding 171 as New Zealand crushed Pakistan by 10 wickets in Hamilton. Guptill hit four sixes in his 87 from 58 balls, while skipper Williamson took only 48 deliveries for his 72.
It goes without saying that New Zealand will be taking the T20 World Cup seriously.
Diamonds and Squares Matters
A few years back I reported that Lancashire had red diamonds sewn pointlessly into the armpits of their white shirts. These clearly served no purpose other than to look ridiculous. Last week I watched Arsenal take on Manchester City and they had red squares sewn onto the inside thighs of their white shorts. What is going on? Are these Nicotine or even Morphine patches?
Leg Spinning Matters
There was a time when leg spinners bowled all leggies with the odd googly thrown in. But then Hamburger came along with a whole host of variations some real, some a figment of his imagination. What proportion of his deliveries were true legspinners? And then Mushtaq Ahmed starting taking loads of wickets for Sussex and won them a couple of championships. When I saw him with Jack and Jim on a couple of occasions at Hove and the Rose Bowl he would manage several LBW appeals an over as the front pad was repeatedly struck. I belatedly realized that he was actually bowling googlies with just the odd leggie thrown in for variation.
Watching ODI cricket this winter and particularly T20 the leg spinner has become a key component of any attack but the more experienced the exponent of this art, watch Badree, the more googlies they bowl. It may be that the inclination of batsmen to give themselves room by freeing the front leg and backing away means that the bowler can only cramp them up by using the googly as a stock ball. It will be fascinating to see the leg spinners in the T20 World Cup.
KP Matters
The Great Jack Morgan has been keeping his ear to the ground
ITV had a programme on KP last night and it was surprising to hear that D Gough and M Vaughan think he is a great bloke, but it was implied that this was not the universal view and the dissenters included A Flower and A Strauss. NRD Compton apparently spoke at the Bush dinner and agreed that KP is a "complete tosser".
Rangers Matters
The Great Jack Morgan sent me this
I met Jim Revier today in Chiswick for alcoholic purposes and he posed me the question of who were the Rs players in the team photo (57/58?) included in the tribute to Ron Springett (none were mentioned in the programme). I got nine almost immediately, but had to check up on Les Locke (who I failed to recognise) and Conway Smith (who I only saw once or twice), who did not immediately spring to mind. I made the mistake of consulting the useless “History of QPR” by M Shaoul, for which I wrote a scathing and lengthy review for AKUTRs. I sent the following email giving the eleven players and even the date of the match at which the photo was taken! Probably.
“I have not attended a first team match at Loftus Road since the ground went allseater in 1994, but my cousin, season ticket holder Jim Revier, has passed me his copy of the programme for the Sheffield Wednesday game on 20 October 2015 and asked me if I could name the eleven players in the photograph on page 27. I think this photo was taken at the game against Coventry City on 2 November 1957 and I believe the players are as follows: back row: Arthur Longbottom (8), George Petchey (4), Keith Rutter (5), Ron Springett (1), Pat Woods (2), Peter Angell (6); front row: Pat Kerrins (11), Les Locke (10), Tony Ingham (3), Conway Smith (9) and Alex Dawson (7). Rs won the game 3-0 with goals from Kerrins 2 and Locke. 9,246 attended.”
Apparently, my e-mail identifying the Rs players from 1957 was published in the programme on Saturday (Leeds game); I was not confident that it would be as they did not thank me or even acknowledge my contribution and they do not have such a thing as a letters page these days, but they do have a "messageboard".
Old Danes Gathering
There will be an Old Danes Gathering at Shepherds Bush Cricket Club on Friday 29 July 2016. All Old Danes, spouses and friends will be welcome as this is not a cricketer only event. The event will commence around 2pm and will continue into the evening or until everyone has left! The bar will be open throughout.
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