G&C 177
GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 177
September 2017
Caption Competition
1. Joe Root: We can take plenty of positives from this match. For a start we took five wickets on the last day of a test match….
2. Tom Westley: Do you need a passport to get into Australia?
Ben Stokes: You will as a tourist.
3. Jonathan Agnew: How many leg spinners will go to Australia?
Phil Tufnell: At least Crane and Rashid.
Jonathan Agnew: But will they play?
Phil Tufnell: They will get plenty of bowling in the nets.
4. Stuart Broad: We won the first test. What more do you want?
5. Moeen Ali: What do you expect from the number two spinner?
Out and About with the Professor
I wonder if the new Laws of Cricket, shortly to be introduced, will have a deleterious effect of some of the Australian players in the Ashes? I don’t mean the decision to conflate Handled the Ball with Obstructing the Field which couldn’t be of interest to any sentient being, nor indeed the new Player Conduct law which is as likely to affect some English players as some Australian. No, I’m talking about the new Law 5 which, for the first time, limits the thickness of the bat. Until the last twenty years or so no one had the slightest interest in the thickness of a bat…but they do now. The new law limits the thickness to 40 mm (about an inch and a half to those of an Imperial bent). Given that that’s about double that of the bats we used to play with, it doesn’t seem too radical a restriction. But for some it will be.
I gained my new-found interest in the thickness of bats while chatting to the Grey Nicolls “Master Bat Maker” at Headingley last week. Googlies readers will be familiar with the Grey Nicolls stand that appears at most Test matches and I guess we have all stopped and watched the chap with an old-fashion plane and spokeshave fashion a new blade. I have never thought to engage the staff in conversation before – my need for a new bat is now, sadly, some 30 years behind me – but he looked a bit lonely and he had a small display of old bats (the Scoop and the Double Scoop) of the kind I had owned. So, we had a chat, and very interesting he was. Grey Nicolls, so I was told, still hand-make their bats (most of the other main brands are machine made in India) and so they can (and do) customise the bat according to the players wishes. I doubt if too many Googlies readers ever got to the “customised bat” stage in their cricketing careers (although I may be wrong) but the top players do. In particular, Grey Nicolls Australia (a long-established branch) supply bats for, among others, David Warner. Now Mr Warner needs two things in a bat: it needs to be as heavy as possible and as thick as possible. The well-known blocker likes his bats to be 53 or 54 mm thick (that is, half the width of the bat) and about 3lbs 4oz (about the weight of a case of Fosters). What to do?
Grey Nicholls have developed a “bat gauge” (patent pending) for umpires to use alongside the existing ball gauge, for it is they who will have to check all the bats (presumably before the game rather than as the player enters the field of play like a linesman checking a footballer’s studs). I was not told whether umpires had welcomed this new responsibility but several distinguished cricket officials were involved in the re-draft of the Laws and so I suppose we must assume they are all happy.
But what about poor David? 14mm might not sound like much to you and me but it’s pretty much half an inch of willow at the crucial part of his bat. Moreover, if you start losing millimetres all over the place how can the all-important weight be maintained? Ah, we have thought of that. The super thick bats now used are at their thickest at the “meat” and then taper towards the shoulder. To keep the weight in the bat it will be necessary to have the blade the same 40mm thickness along its whole length. So the shoulder of the bat (from which some of us scored useful runs in the past) will now be thick enough to hit sixes with. Will that not affect the balance? Apparently not – the maximum thickness in the middle of the bat (not the edges) is 67mm and this can be “spread” more evenly. Isn’t that interesting? I plan to be in Oz this winter so will report back on the effect of the change.
You might judge from all of this that I was struggling with the actual game at Headingley. Having read that the “Windies” were hopelessly outclassed, were scarcely of Test status and would provide almost nothing in terms of practice for our lads prior to the Ashes, I was there for the last three days to see England struggle to dismiss the opposition in the first innings, struggle to see off the deficit, get to a commanding position where they couldn’t lose and then, well, lose. Apart from asking the question why “pundits” write such guff, it seems reasonable to ask why they lost.
It was guff because, notwithstanding the Birmingham result, it was clear to anyone who had followed the series in the West Indies that the visitors did indeed have some quality players who had, among other things, scored hundreds off the English bowling (Blackwood and Holder in Antigua and Brathwaite in Grenada). I looked in the papers for humble pie but no journalist can do that – the standard response seems to be: “some commentators (i.e. themselves) had written off the Windies team but in this match they proved…” etc.
As for the defeat, Joe Root confided to us that some lessons had been learned. The principal lesson would seem to be to say, after a defeat, that “some lessons had been learned”. When pressed he offered that one lesson was that they should have scored more runs in the first innings. Now I’m not too sure of the dictionary definition of a lesson but I don’t think it covers stating the bleeding obvious. But in didactic spirit I would like to offer one suggestion: trying to actually defend a total is not a sign of weakness or unmanliness. “Being positive” is not synonymous with have the slips region so crowded that anyone putting bat to ball is pretty much guaranteed a boundary. (Nor is it “positive” to have the slips standing too close; I felt that much of the last day they were too tight and that Bairstow was taking ball after ball at shoulder height. Normally the slip cordon is accused of standing too deep but that was not the case on Tuesday. Cook would have taken both his catches if he had been a couple of yards further back). Making it difficult to score is a very effective way of getting people out: might that be a “lesson”? It was obvious half way through the day that the tactics should have shifted to containment. Indeed before that. We only took two wickets before lunch and one of those was a run out. It seems that Cook was so tarred with the “defensive” tag (by, of course, those self-same “pundits”) that Root thinks he has prove himself by setting fields that surround the bat and leave the boundary unpatrolled. It was only when Blackwood arrived that the field was spread and by then it was clearly too late.
Another issue which may have been discussed in the Press, and I have missed, is the preponderance of left-handers in the England side. Chase - the “part-time” spinner (pundits again) – was far more effective than Ali essentially because he was bowling into footmarks. I’ve never really had much sympathy for left-handers (especially when bowling to them) but it cannot have passed the notice of Agar and Lyon that they should have a ready target, especially in the second innings.
The new code of the Laws of Cricket have not, for some reason, banned left-handers but they have made a couple of other improvements: de-gendering the laws (apart from “Batsman”) not before time, returning (at least in part) to the original intention of those who framed the law on run outs (about the third go they’ve had at this) and doing more to stop the backing-up batsman cheating by leaving his (or her) ground before the ball is bowled. It is yet to be seen which is the more profound of these…perhaps reducing the thickness of the bat to that of Sir Geoffrey’s stick of rhubarb will be the one.
This and That
I met up with Mike Smith and The Prof last month and they had both been to Old Trafford recently. Both told me that they thought that the ground looked much better. However, it is worth considering what has actually been constructed. The dreadful Point is a Conference Centre and has nothing to do with cricket other than acting as a cash cow. The only viewing area is a one-tiered balcony which affords standing room only. Such arrangements are not even permitted at soccer grounds. It is of course not open to the general public. The new hotel replaces the old hotel and is available exclusively to guests. Farcically at this summer’s test viewing positions were sold to patrons who took up their positions prostrate on beds. The building opposite the old pavilion is the Press Centre and changing room for the players and the old pavilion has had some glassworks added to it to accommodate the members. So, none of the changes benefit the public and, indeed, the only previous shelter has been demolished leaving the spectators to take their chances on the open seats.
By chance I saw the Rob Key Batting Masterclass with Tammy Beaumont which was very impressive. She clearly has a well-organized game and tactical approach to batting. To her credit she admitted that she mainly only faces medium paced bowlers which facilitates her selection of stroke play, but you can only tackle what is offered. If you get a chance to watch it take it. You may not fawn over her like Key did but it will be fifteen minutes well spent.
So, what do we think of Day-Night tests? They will become a feature of overseas itineraries because the weather suits evening cricket and more importantly it’s the only way to get any quantity of spectators into the ground. In England, they are superfluous since people go to test matches anyway, except in Durham, and global warming has made it much too cold to watch cricket in the evening. Edgbaston, as had the Oval for T20, looked magnificent under lights but the last word goes to Mike Selvey who summed it up: “The crowd in the Hollies stand were just three hours drunker”.
Which begs the question why do people go to test matches in England? As the cameras scan the terraces there are clearly cricket lovers in attendance who understand the game and are prepared to put up with the discomforts to enjoy it. However, there is a growing band of attendees who are part of the “look at me generation” who see it as a grand “selfie” opportunity or even better as a “five second of fame opportunity” on live television. These people dress up in ridiculous outfits, many clearly uncomfortable, and make life hell for those unlucky enough to be located near them. These people, normally men, see beer as their second priority after their ludicrous appearances and are never seen watching the cricket. At many of the grounds noise including singing has become a priority and this is all part of these aspects of the crowd claiming attention over the cricket. The same goes for Mexican Waves. This proclaims: “I am bored, look at me”. People used to go to soccer matches to let off steam, vent their frustrations and misbehave. It seems that this now extends to cricket.
The T20 Big Blast Quarter finals started with the slaying of two minnows, Derbyshire and Leicestershire, by Hampshire and Glamorgan. Afridi scored 101 from 43 balls for Hampshire whilst Glamorgan won by nine wickets with Ingram again to the fore. Patel, Christian and Mullaney saw Notts home against Somerset but the best match was the last in which Surrey seemed to have secured their place at Finals day when they accumulated 204 for 5 with Roy setting the pace with 74 from 38 balls. However, the New Zealanders, Elliott and de Grandhomme, saw the Birmingham Bears home.
Alex Hales played probably the most outrageous T20 innings in England in August. Durham had scored a respectable 183 for 7 when Hales went to the crease with his mauling partner, Riki Wessels. Hales was dismissed from the first ball of the eighth over with the score on 126. He had scored 95 from 30 balls with nine sixes and nine fours.
Having got his eye in against Durham Hales then came in at number five against Derbyshire and proceeded to score 218 from 218 balls with 1 six and 38 fours. The Professor has gone gung ho and thinks that England should stop trying to find blockers to fill the batting slots in the test side and that Hales should extend the middle order upwards to number five. He thinks that the excitement of Hales(5), Stokes(6), Bairstow(7), Ali(8) would be worth it. On that basis why not put Root back to three and have Buttler at four?
This year’s Ashes series is lining up to be a battle of the losers. After England’s defeat against the hapless West Indians Australia have been beaten by Bangladesh. The Aussies seem to have the same problems as England finding solid test match batsmen early in the order.
I was fortunate enough to see most of Adam Lyth’s fabulous record breaking innings of 161 from 73 balls for Yorkshire against Northants. He hit seven sixes and twenty fours in an extraordinary display of controlled hitting. Yorkshire totalled 260 for 4 and would have beaten the world record of 263 had it not been for Azharullah’s excellent final over. In reply Levi and Rossington were ahead of the required rate when the latter was out in the fifth over with the score on 72, but Northants could not keep up the pressure and succumbed to Rafiq who took 5 for 19.
Hundreds have become almost commonplace in this year’s T20 Blast. At Chelmsford Denly made 127 in Kent’s 221 for 2 and in reply Chopra scored his second hundred of the season in this competition but Essex fell short with 210 for 5.
Middlesex Matters
Middlesex brought in Nick Gubbins for Dawid Malan, James Franklin for Paul Stirling, Nathan Sowter (his Championship debut) for Ollie Rayner and Steve Finn for Jimmy Harris for the four day game against Warwickshire that started at Lord's on August 6th. The visitors won the toss and, surprisingly, chose to bat first on a very green track and, unsurprisingly, soon found themselves in deep trouble against the Middlesex seamers. Steve Finn (4 for 53), Tim Murtagh (16-8-20-3) and John Simpson (4 catches behind the stumps) enjoyed themselves as Warwicks fell to 126 all out in 47 overs. No 9 Jeetan Patel was top scorer with 24.
Unfortunately, the home team did just as badly with the bat as Warwicks had done and soon found themselves on 68 for 6, but skipper Franklin was still there and when he was joined by Ryan Higgins a fine stand of 93 developed for the seventh wicket before Higgins departed for 38 with 6 fours. The remaining wickets tumbled quickly until Franklin was last out for an unusually confident (compared to the other batters so far witnessed in this match) 55 off 76 balls with 7 fours and a six with the total on 161 after 40.2 overs. Much of the damage was done by seamer Ryan Sidebottom (no, not that one, this one is a 27-year-old from Victoria, who bowls with his right arm) who took 4 for 29 in 10 impressive overs, while Patel claimed both Higgins and Franklin for only 3 runs.
Warwicks' second innings was a much better effort as Andrew Umeed from Glasgow (30) helped Jon Trott (54 off 73 balls with 10 fours) to add 73 for the second wicket. However, four wickets fell quickly before 21 year old Matt Lamb was joined by Chris Woakes. This pair changed the course of the game with an excellent stand of 102 until Woakes fell for a fine 53 off 93 balls with 11 fours and was soon followed by Lamb who made the top score of the match with a persevering 71 off 165 balls with 10 fours. However, just when it looked as if Middlesex were back in the match with Warwicks on 262 for 8, the capable allrounder Keith Barker was joined by ex-Middlesex seamer Chris Wright and 97 more were added for the ninth wicket. Wright fell for a sound 41 with 5 fours and a six and Barker was left on an admirable 62* off 109 balls with 8 fours as the visitors closed on 361 off 112 overs. Higgins had the best bowling figures for Middlesex with 4 for 75, Murtagh’s figures were 3 for 63 and Sowter's leg breaks claimed a first wicket in the Championship. Simpson held on to 5 more catches behind the wicket to give him 9 in the match.
The general assumption seemed to be that the wicket had eased and that the home team would make a decent stab at chasing down a target of 327 to win. Nothing could have been further from reality, however, as Middlesex did even worse than they had in their first innings. They were not helped by Gubbins's torn hamstring, which caused him to hobble out with a runner at no 8 (and Sam Robson also needed a runner), but the reality was that Middlesex just batted terribly and quickly descended to 88 for 9. Sowter (37 off 23 balls with 6 fours and a six) and Finn (31* off 16 balls with 6 fours) provided some entertainment with a last wicket stand of 48 in 26 minutes, but there could be no arguing with the outcome and Warwicks had won their first match of the season by 190 runs, with two of the batting heroes, Barker (3 for 21) and Woakes (3 for 38) also starring with the ball as Middlesex lasted a pathetic 29.5 overs for 136 all out. Middlesex, who had lost all ten wickets between lunch and tea on day 3, are now in serious danger of relegation and will need a big improvement on this form to escape. Middlesex are now only one place above the relegation positions, but they have 31 points more than Warwicks and 20 points more than Somerset. Warwickshire 19 points, Middlesex 3.
Root Declared Bonkers!
So ran the subject line from Jack’s email to me this month. He went on to add:
England reached 490-8 before, astonishingly, Root declared setting WI 322 to win in a full day plus 6 overs. We have not seen that much of Root's captaincy, but until now, he had not struck as one to go for a big gamble in a Test match, but this is surely a major gamble and a big risk for no reason. Test Match declarations are usually very safe and conservative, giving the declaring team a hint of victory, but giving the batters nothing to go for except the draw. It might come off, of course, but why take such a risk when it was so unnecessary?
Root deservedly got his comeuppance at Headingley as K Brathwaite (95) and S Hope (118*, the first man to score 2 tons in any sort of match at Headingley), the 2 main heroes from the first innings, saw WI home by 5 wkts without Eng ever looking like winning. This was a brilliant turnaround by WI for which they deserve full credit, but Root should never have allowed it to happen. Root joins N Yardley, D Gower and K Pietersen as the only England captains to have declared in the 3rd innings of a Test and lost. Congrats!
The Professor added
Well that was a fair old cock-up wasn't it. I was there for the last three days. It seems that the idea of defending a total has become unmanly - that is to say, not "positive". We were positive and we have lost...positively.
Blofeld Matters
Robin Ager sent me the following
I had decided not to comment on The Professor's view of Henry Blofeld, assuming that he has become an honorary Yorkshireman who considers it his duty to criticise anything which he construes as the establishment. But I have never met The Prof, so I let it pass. I do know Allen Bruton, and I was astonished, and disappointed, to learn that he too subscribes to this mean-spirited view.
I rarely listen to TMS, but I think the whole programme is smug and self-regarding. I also think the recent tributes carried on TV and radio by the BBC to mark its 60 years were inordinately reverential. But it is wrong to pin all this on Blowers. I reckon that all the participants (including the saintly Arlott) are asked to play up to their stereotypes, and Henry's just happens to be one that The Prof and Allen find unacceptable.
So, I am in the Hedgcock corner in this discussion. As it happens, I also agree with much of what he says about England being represented by Englishmen.
Cheltenham Stuff
George sent me this
With only two results possible, why on earth did England bat on today? Anyway, there was quite an amusing thread. Atherton made a stray remark that it wasn’t looking too good over at Bill’s mother’s.
Asked what that was, he said that direction, out of the back window of the changing room, was what it was always called when he was playing, he didn’t know why.
An older sage was called in, David Lloyd, who said that it referred to Geoff ‘Noddy’ Pullar, who was always known as Bill in the team. He was frequently seen peering through binoculars to see the approaching weather. He went on to say that Pullar hated fielding. He always stood at first slip and unbelievably, in a season when both the two opening bowlers took 100 wickets, Lloyd reckons he only took one catch.
Very amusing, but a quick look on Wiki shows it’s a very old expression.
'It's looking a bit black over Bill's mother's, is often heard in the English Midlands when dark clouds appear on the horizon, heralding rain. ... Some believe "Bill" refers to William Shakespeare, whose mother Mary Arden lived in Stratford-Upon-Avon.'
South Hampstead Matters
I have started receiving emails from Twitter, whatever that is. A recent one included the following photo of the ground at Milverton Road. Perhaps it’s as well that Tony Hawdon didn’t carry a mobile phone…
I then received another showing there are glimmers of hope on the playing field there.
King Cricket Matters
Keith Pont benefit match report, Ongar Cricket Club, 1986
Chas and Nick write:
Back in 1986, sister/auntie Susan worked in public relations for Rhône-Poulenc (now part of Aventis), in Ongar, Essex. She was asked by one of its cricket-loving executives to organise a cricket day for Keith Pont‘s benefit year at Ongar Cricket Club.
It’s worth remembering how popular and funny Keith Pont was with the Essex team and supporters. For example, on one occasion during a county match against Derbyshire, Keith borrowed a bicycle from a supporter and cycled across the ground while fielding for Essex during a major chunk of the Derbyshire innings. (We hope this memory doesn’t break the golden King Cricket rule by describing the cricket from a professional match.)
The match against the Ongar Representative XI was a fun match. The highlight was Graham Gooch bowling in the style of a number of famous international players. The best spoof was Bob Willis style; just with considerably less pace, less talent, less height but more body weight than Willis.
Lunch came around. Susan organised us all to a marquee in the next field.
We were about to enter the marquee when we became aware of ‘The Monster Muncher’ in action. It was the legendary Derek Pringle. He was moving with such speed and determination around the tables we were almost too scared to enter. We were also dazzled by flashing light, which might have come from the jewellery in the Marquee Monster Muncher’s ears.
When we finally plucked up the courage to enter the marquee, we quickly realised the need to establish eye contact in order to regain control of the situation. Pringle gave us a few shifty looks, but eventually we established contact. I (Chas) asked him if he would be long, as there was a queue starting to form outside. He grunted, “just getting a bit of food.”
An unkind rumour did the rounds after lunch, suggesting that a dustbin had been knocked over by the entrance to the marquee and that the Marquee Monster Muncher was seen using the dustbin lid as his plate. We are happy to put the record straight in that regard; Derek Pringle was merely piling it high on a conventional large plate.
Ged Matters
Ged Ladd writes:
Middlesex v Australians, Lord’s, 19 June 2010
I had been invited to a 30th anniversary reunion at school for this day. The thought of a formal school reunion horrified me, so I arranged to be at cricket during the day and at the theatre in the evening, to ensure my unavailability.
I had met up with some of the old school crowd, informally, a few weeks before. They felt they needed a rehersal. I took a couple of mementoes with me that day – my slide rule and a pair of old sports socks, on the outside of which my mum had sewn a name tag. I also promised to digitise and submit the old black and white photos I used to take at school. Most of them on subsequent inspection were gash, but the following picture wasn’t bad, especially considering I took it with a Zenith B.
As the temperature forecast for the day deteriorated, I kept dropping hints to Daisy that she should make sure she had plenty of warm clothing with her. On the morning itself I packed my thermal vest and again implored Daisy to wrap up warm. Daisy has previous in this department, but she swore she had plenty of layers.
There was something appropriate about skiving off the old school reunion for the cricket. As we entered Lord’s I half expected one of the stewards to feel my collar and ask “why aren’t you in school, young man?” We went up on the pavilion sun deck and in fact the morning, although chilly, was quite sunny and bearable. But when the sun went in, we were really cold and Daisy reported that, had she known it was going to be “this” cold, she’d have brought some socks. We agreed that I’d buy her some socks when we popped out to get our lunch during the innings break.
St John’s Wood High Street is not the ideal place to find a cheap pair of socks for the sole purpose of one afternoon’s cricket warmth. We tried several sock-free places before ending up in a boutique named Square One which only sold Emporio Armani socks and only in packs of three. £25.50 poorer, I realised that it would have been cheaper and quicker to have hired a taxi to take me home and get those old school numbers with me name tag in them. I also realised that the socks had cost me more than Daisy’s entry ticket for the match.
Still, we had three pairs, so Daisy was able to sport them on her feet and hands (she had also neglected to bring gloves).
As the temperature dropped further, I went to the gents to don my thermal vest. Horror – I’d need to remove my jacket and tie in the pavilion. I took the risk, thinking that perhaps no-one would come in while I was temporarily breaking the golden rule. But of course one of the more senior gentlemen did enter and looked at me quizzically.
“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” I mumbled.
“Pardon”, he said.
“Thermal vest”, I said, digging myself into a deeper hole. “It’s freezing”.
“Don’t feel the cold”, he reported, “feel the heat”.
I half expected him to launch into “when I was in Poona…” and half expected him to say “shouldn’t you be at school, young man”, but he said neither.
Later in the day, when the Middlesex Chairman stopped by, I asked him whether there is a dress code rule prohibiting the wearing of socks as gloves on the pavilion sun deck. He replied: “I don’t think there is, but don’t worry, there soon will be”. I didn’t have the courage to mention the thermal vest donning incident and he was too polite to ask “why aren’t you in school, young man?”
Cheltenham Stuff 2
George drew my attention to this:
A village cricket side scored 40 runs from the final over of a league match to secure the most unlikely of victories. Needing 35 to win from the last six deliveries of their game against Swinbrook, Dorchester-on-Thames CC looked down and out in the Oxfordshire Cricket Association match. Hosts Swinbrook had posted 240 from their 45 overs in the Division Four encounter.
With an over to go in Dorchester's reply, the visitors were on 206-7, with 54-year-old Steve McComb on strike against bowler Mihai Cucos. The over began with a no-ball which was dispatched for six. Ball two also went for six, effectively giving Dorchester 13 runs from one legitimate delivery. Cucos responded with a yorker, from which McComb was unable to score.
Ball four (the third legitimate delivery) went for four and was then followed by another no-ball which also flew to the boundary for four. The next two balls were flayed for six, leaving the scores level with one delivery to come. Swinbrook brought the field in, but McComb advanced down the pitch to hit his fifth six of the over, winning the game and bringing up his own century.
Strange Elevens
The answer to the Strange XI appearing in G&C 176 is that they are all Middlesex players who now play their cricket away from Middlesex.
Googlies Website
All the back editions of Googlies can be found on the G&C website. There are also a large number of photographs most of which have never appeared in Googlies.
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An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 177
September 2017
Caption Competition
1. Joe Root: We can take plenty of positives from this match. For a start we took five wickets on the last day of a test match….
2. Tom Westley: Do you need a passport to get into Australia?
Ben Stokes: You will as a tourist.
3. Jonathan Agnew: How many leg spinners will go to Australia?
Phil Tufnell: At least Crane and Rashid.
Jonathan Agnew: But will they play?
Phil Tufnell: They will get plenty of bowling in the nets.
4. Stuart Broad: We won the first test. What more do you want?
5. Moeen Ali: What do you expect from the number two spinner?
Out and About with the Professor
I wonder if the new Laws of Cricket, shortly to be introduced, will have a deleterious effect of some of the Australian players in the Ashes? I don’t mean the decision to conflate Handled the Ball with Obstructing the Field which couldn’t be of interest to any sentient being, nor indeed the new Player Conduct law which is as likely to affect some English players as some Australian. No, I’m talking about the new Law 5 which, for the first time, limits the thickness of the bat. Until the last twenty years or so no one had the slightest interest in the thickness of a bat…but they do now. The new law limits the thickness to 40 mm (about an inch and a half to those of an Imperial bent). Given that that’s about double that of the bats we used to play with, it doesn’t seem too radical a restriction. But for some it will be.
I gained my new-found interest in the thickness of bats while chatting to the Grey Nicolls “Master Bat Maker” at Headingley last week. Googlies readers will be familiar with the Grey Nicolls stand that appears at most Test matches and I guess we have all stopped and watched the chap with an old-fashion plane and spokeshave fashion a new blade. I have never thought to engage the staff in conversation before – my need for a new bat is now, sadly, some 30 years behind me – but he looked a bit lonely and he had a small display of old bats (the Scoop and the Double Scoop) of the kind I had owned. So, we had a chat, and very interesting he was. Grey Nicolls, so I was told, still hand-make their bats (most of the other main brands are machine made in India) and so they can (and do) customise the bat according to the players wishes. I doubt if too many Googlies readers ever got to the “customised bat” stage in their cricketing careers (although I may be wrong) but the top players do. In particular, Grey Nicolls Australia (a long-established branch) supply bats for, among others, David Warner. Now Mr Warner needs two things in a bat: it needs to be as heavy as possible and as thick as possible. The well-known blocker likes his bats to be 53 or 54 mm thick (that is, half the width of the bat) and about 3lbs 4oz (about the weight of a case of Fosters). What to do?
Grey Nicholls have developed a “bat gauge” (patent pending) for umpires to use alongside the existing ball gauge, for it is they who will have to check all the bats (presumably before the game rather than as the player enters the field of play like a linesman checking a footballer’s studs). I was not told whether umpires had welcomed this new responsibility but several distinguished cricket officials were involved in the re-draft of the Laws and so I suppose we must assume they are all happy.
But what about poor David? 14mm might not sound like much to you and me but it’s pretty much half an inch of willow at the crucial part of his bat. Moreover, if you start losing millimetres all over the place how can the all-important weight be maintained? Ah, we have thought of that. The super thick bats now used are at their thickest at the “meat” and then taper towards the shoulder. To keep the weight in the bat it will be necessary to have the blade the same 40mm thickness along its whole length. So the shoulder of the bat (from which some of us scored useful runs in the past) will now be thick enough to hit sixes with. Will that not affect the balance? Apparently not – the maximum thickness in the middle of the bat (not the edges) is 67mm and this can be “spread” more evenly. Isn’t that interesting? I plan to be in Oz this winter so will report back on the effect of the change.
You might judge from all of this that I was struggling with the actual game at Headingley. Having read that the “Windies” were hopelessly outclassed, were scarcely of Test status and would provide almost nothing in terms of practice for our lads prior to the Ashes, I was there for the last three days to see England struggle to dismiss the opposition in the first innings, struggle to see off the deficit, get to a commanding position where they couldn’t lose and then, well, lose. Apart from asking the question why “pundits” write such guff, it seems reasonable to ask why they lost.
It was guff because, notwithstanding the Birmingham result, it was clear to anyone who had followed the series in the West Indies that the visitors did indeed have some quality players who had, among other things, scored hundreds off the English bowling (Blackwood and Holder in Antigua and Brathwaite in Grenada). I looked in the papers for humble pie but no journalist can do that – the standard response seems to be: “some commentators (i.e. themselves) had written off the Windies team but in this match they proved…” etc.
As for the defeat, Joe Root confided to us that some lessons had been learned. The principal lesson would seem to be to say, after a defeat, that “some lessons had been learned”. When pressed he offered that one lesson was that they should have scored more runs in the first innings. Now I’m not too sure of the dictionary definition of a lesson but I don’t think it covers stating the bleeding obvious. But in didactic spirit I would like to offer one suggestion: trying to actually defend a total is not a sign of weakness or unmanliness. “Being positive” is not synonymous with have the slips region so crowded that anyone putting bat to ball is pretty much guaranteed a boundary. (Nor is it “positive” to have the slips standing too close; I felt that much of the last day they were too tight and that Bairstow was taking ball after ball at shoulder height. Normally the slip cordon is accused of standing too deep but that was not the case on Tuesday. Cook would have taken both his catches if he had been a couple of yards further back). Making it difficult to score is a very effective way of getting people out: might that be a “lesson”? It was obvious half way through the day that the tactics should have shifted to containment. Indeed before that. We only took two wickets before lunch and one of those was a run out. It seems that Cook was so tarred with the “defensive” tag (by, of course, those self-same “pundits”) that Root thinks he has prove himself by setting fields that surround the bat and leave the boundary unpatrolled. It was only when Blackwood arrived that the field was spread and by then it was clearly too late.
Another issue which may have been discussed in the Press, and I have missed, is the preponderance of left-handers in the England side. Chase - the “part-time” spinner (pundits again) – was far more effective than Ali essentially because he was bowling into footmarks. I’ve never really had much sympathy for left-handers (especially when bowling to them) but it cannot have passed the notice of Agar and Lyon that they should have a ready target, especially in the second innings.
The new code of the Laws of Cricket have not, for some reason, banned left-handers but they have made a couple of other improvements: de-gendering the laws (apart from “Batsman”) not before time, returning (at least in part) to the original intention of those who framed the law on run outs (about the third go they’ve had at this) and doing more to stop the backing-up batsman cheating by leaving his (or her) ground before the ball is bowled. It is yet to be seen which is the more profound of these…perhaps reducing the thickness of the bat to that of Sir Geoffrey’s stick of rhubarb will be the one.
This and That
I met up with Mike Smith and The Prof last month and they had both been to Old Trafford recently. Both told me that they thought that the ground looked much better. However, it is worth considering what has actually been constructed. The dreadful Point is a Conference Centre and has nothing to do with cricket other than acting as a cash cow. The only viewing area is a one-tiered balcony which affords standing room only. Such arrangements are not even permitted at soccer grounds. It is of course not open to the general public. The new hotel replaces the old hotel and is available exclusively to guests. Farcically at this summer’s test viewing positions were sold to patrons who took up their positions prostrate on beds. The building opposite the old pavilion is the Press Centre and changing room for the players and the old pavilion has had some glassworks added to it to accommodate the members. So, none of the changes benefit the public and, indeed, the only previous shelter has been demolished leaving the spectators to take their chances on the open seats.
By chance I saw the Rob Key Batting Masterclass with Tammy Beaumont which was very impressive. She clearly has a well-organized game and tactical approach to batting. To her credit she admitted that she mainly only faces medium paced bowlers which facilitates her selection of stroke play, but you can only tackle what is offered. If you get a chance to watch it take it. You may not fawn over her like Key did but it will be fifteen minutes well spent.
So, what do we think of Day-Night tests? They will become a feature of overseas itineraries because the weather suits evening cricket and more importantly it’s the only way to get any quantity of spectators into the ground. In England, they are superfluous since people go to test matches anyway, except in Durham, and global warming has made it much too cold to watch cricket in the evening. Edgbaston, as had the Oval for T20, looked magnificent under lights but the last word goes to Mike Selvey who summed it up: “The crowd in the Hollies stand were just three hours drunker”.
Which begs the question why do people go to test matches in England? As the cameras scan the terraces there are clearly cricket lovers in attendance who understand the game and are prepared to put up with the discomforts to enjoy it. However, there is a growing band of attendees who are part of the “look at me generation” who see it as a grand “selfie” opportunity or even better as a “five second of fame opportunity” on live television. These people dress up in ridiculous outfits, many clearly uncomfortable, and make life hell for those unlucky enough to be located near them. These people, normally men, see beer as their second priority after their ludicrous appearances and are never seen watching the cricket. At many of the grounds noise including singing has become a priority and this is all part of these aspects of the crowd claiming attention over the cricket. The same goes for Mexican Waves. This proclaims: “I am bored, look at me”. People used to go to soccer matches to let off steam, vent their frustrations and misbehave. It seems that this now extends to cricket.
The T20 Big Blast Quarter finals started with the slaying of two minnows, Derbyshire and Leicestershire, by Hampshire and Glamorgan. Afridi scored 101 from 43 balls for Hampshire whilst Glamorgan won by nine wickets with Ingram again to the fore. Patel, Christian and Mullaney saw Notts home against Somerset but the best match was the last in which Surrey seemed to have secured their place at Finals day when they accumulated 204 for 5 with Roy setting the pace with 74 from 38 balls. However, the New Zealanders, Elliott and de Grandhomme, saw the Birmingham Bears home.
Alex Hales played probably the most outrageous T20 innings in England in August. Durham had scored a respectable 183 for 7 when Hales went to the crease with his mauling partner, Riki Wessels. Hales was dismissed from the first ball of the eighth over with the score on 126. He had scored 95 from 30 balls with nine sixes and nine fours.
Having got his eye in against Durham Hales then came in at number five against Derbyshire and proceeded to score 218 from 218 balls with 1 six and 38 fours. The Professor has gone gung ho and thinks that England should stop trying to find blockers to fill the batting slots in the test side and that Hales should extend the middle order upwards to number five. He thinks that the excitement of Hales(5), Stokes(6), Bairstow(7), Ali(8) would be worth it. On that basis why not put Root back to three and have Buttler at four?
This year’s Ashes series is lining up to be a battle of the losers. After England’s defeat against the hapless West Indians Australia have been beaten by Bangladesh. The Aussies seem to have the same problems as England finding solid test match batsmen early in the order.
I was fortunate enough to see most of Adam Lyth’s fabulous record breaking innings of 161 from 73 balls for Yorkshire against Northants. He hit seven sixes and twenty fours in an extraordinary display of controlled hitting. Yorkshire totalled 260 for 4 and would have beaten the world record of 263 had it not been for Azharullah’s excellent final over. In reply Levi and Rossington were ahead of the required rate when the latter was out in the fifth over with the score on 72, but Northants could not keep up the pressure and succumbed to Rafiq who took 5 for 19.
Hundreds have become almost commonplace in this year’s T20 Blast. At Chelmsford Denly made 127 in Kent’s 221 for 2 and in reply Chopra scored his second hundred of the season in this competition but Essex fell short with 210 for 5.
Middlesex Matters
Middlesex brought in Nick Gubbins for Dawid Malan, James Franklin for Paul Stirling, Nathan Sowter (his Championship debut) for Ollie Rayner and Steve Finn for Jimmy Harris for the four day game against Warwickshire that started at Lord's on August 6th. The visitors won the toss and, surprisingly, chose to bat first on a very green track and, unsurprisingly, soon found themselves in deep trouble against the Middlesex seamers. Steve Finn (4 for 53), Tim Murtagh (16-8-20-3) and John Simpson (4 catches behind the stumps) enjoyed themselves as Warwicks fell to 126 all out in 47 overs. No 9 Jeetan Patel was top scorer with 24.
Unfortunately, the home team did just as badly with the bat as Warwicks had done and soon found themselves on 68 for 6, but skipper Franklin was still there and when he was joined by Ryan Higgins a fine stand of 93 developed for the seventh wicket before Higgins departed for 38 with 6 fours. The remaining wickets tumbled quickly until Franklin was last out for an unusually confident (compared to the other batters so far witnessed in this match) 55 off 76 balls with 7 fours and a six with the total on 161 after 40.2 overs. Much of the damage was done by seamer Ryan Sidebottom (no, not that one, this one is a 27-year-old from Victoria, who bowls with his right arm) who took 4 for 29 in 10 impressive overs, while Patel claimed both Higgins and Franklin for only 3 runs.
Warwicks' second innings was a much better effort as Andrew Umeed from Glasgow (30) helped Jon Trott (54 off 73 balls with 10 fours) to add 73 for the second wicket. However, four wickets fell quickly before 21 year old Matt Lamb was joined by Chris Woakes. This pair changed the course of the game with an excellent stand of 102 until Woakes fell for a fine 53 off 93 balls with 11 fours and was soon followed by Lamb who made the top score of the match with a persevering 71 off 165 balls with 10 fours. However, just when it looked as if Middlesex were back in the match with Warwicks on 262 for 8, the capable allrounder Keith Barker was joined by ex-Middlesex seamer Chris Wright and 97 more were added for the ninth wicket. Wright fell for a sound 41 with 5 fours and a six and Barker was left on an admirable 62* off 109 balls with 8 fours as the visitors closed on 361 off 112 overs. Higgins had the best bowling figures for Middlesex with 4 for 75, Murtagh’s figures were 3 for 63 and Sowter's leg breaks claimed a first wicket in the Championship. Simpson held on to 5 more catches behind the wicket to give him 9 in the match.
The general assumption seemed to be that the wicket had eased and that the home team would make a decent stab at chasing down a target of 327 to win. Nothing could have been further from reality, however, as Middlesex did even worse than they had in their first innings. They were not helped by Gubbins's torn hamstring, which caused him to hobble out with a runner at no 8 (and Sam Robson also needed a runner), but the reality was that Middlesex just batted terribly and quickly descended to 88 for 9. Sowter (37 off 23 balls with 6 fours and a six) and Finn (31* off 16 balls with 6 fours) provided some entertainment with a last wicket stand of 48 in 26 minutes, but there could be no arguing with the outcome and Warwicks had won their first match of the season by 190 runs, with two of the batting heroes, Barker (3 for 21) and Woakes (3 for 38) also starring with the ball as Middlesex lasted a pathetic 29.5 overs for 136 all out. Middlesex, who had lost all ten wickets between lunch and tea on day 3, are now in serious danger of relegation and will need a big improvement on this form to escape. Middlesex are now only one place above the relegation positions, but they have 31 points more than Warwicks and 20 points more than Somerset. Warwickshire 19 points, Middlesex 3.
Root Declared Bonkers!
So ran the subject line from Jack’s email to me this month. He went on to add:
England reached 490-8 before, astonishingly, Root declared setting WI 322 to win in a full day plus 6 overs. We have not seen that much of Root's captaincy, but until now, he had not struck as one to go for a big gamble in a Test match, but this is surely a major gamble and a big risk for no reason. Test Match declarations are usually very safe and conservative, giving the declaring team a hint of victory, but giving the batters nothing to go for except the draw. It might come off, of course, but why take such a risk when it was so unnecessary?
Root deservedly got his comeuppance at Headingley as K Brathwaite (95) and S Hope (118*, the first man to score 2 tons in any sort of match at Headingley), the 2 main heroes from the first innings, saw WI home by 5 wkts without Eng ever looking like winning. This was a brilliant turnaround by WI for which they deserve full credit, but Root should never have allowed it to happen. Root joins N Yardley, D Gower and K Pietersen as the only England captains to have declared in the 3rd innings of a Test and lost. Congrats!
The Professor added
Well that was a fair old cock-up wasn't it. I was there for the last three days. It seems that the idea of defending a total has become unmanly - that is to say, not "positive". We were positive and we have lost...positively.
Blofeld Matters
Robin Ager sent me the following
I had decided not to comment on The Professor's view of Henry Blofeld, assuming that he has become an honorary Yorkshireman who considers it his duty to criticise anything which he construes as the establishment. But I have never met The Prof, so I let it pass. I do know Allen Bruton, and I was astonished, and disappointed, to learn that he too subscribes to this mean-spirited view.
I rarely listen to TMS, but I think the whole programme is smug and self-regarding. I also think the recent tributes carried on TV and radio by the BBC to mark its 60 years were inordinately reverential. But it is wrong to pin all this on Blowers. I reckon that all the participants (including the saintly Arlott) are asked to play up to their stereotypes, and Henry's just happens to be one that The Prof and Allen find unacceptable.
So, I am in the Hedgcock corner in this discussion. As it happens, I also agree with much of what he says about England being represented by Englishmen.
Cheltenham Stuff
George sent me this
With only two results possible, why on earth did England bat on today? Anyway, there was quite an amusing thread. Atherton made a stray remark that it wasn’t looking too good over at Bill’s mother’s.
Asked what that was, he said that direction, out of the back window of the changing room, was what it was always called when he was playing, he didn’t know why.
An older sage was called in, David Lloyd, who said that it referred to Geoff ‘Noddy’ Pullar, who was always known as Bill in the team. He was frequently seen peering through binoculars to see the approaching weather. He went on to say that Pullar hated fielding. He always stood at first slip and unbelievably, in a season when both the two opening bowlers took 100 wickets, Lloyd reckons he only took one catch.
Very amusing, but a quick look on Wiki shows it’s a very old expression.
'It's looking a bit black over Bill's mother's, is often heard in the English Midlands when dark clouds appear on the horizon, heralding rain. ... Some believe "Bill" refers to William Shakespeare, whose mother Mary Arden lived in Stratford-Upon-Avon.'
South Hampstead Matters
I have started receiving emails from Twitter, whatever that is. A recent one included the following photo of the ground at Milverton Road. Perhaps it’s as well that Tony Hawdon didn’t carry a mobile phone…
I then received another showing there are glimmers of hope on the playing field there.
King Cricket Matters
Keith Pont benefit match report, Ongar Cricket Club, 1986
Chas and Nick write:
Back in 1986, sister/auntie Susan worked in public relations for Rhône-Poulenc (now part of Aventis), in Ongar, Essex. She was asked by one of its cricket-loving executives to organise a cricket day for Keith Pont‘s benefit year at Ongar Cricket Club.
It’s worth remembering how popular and funny Keith Pont was with the Essex team and supporters. For example, on one occasion during a county match against Derbyshire, Keith borrowed a bicycle from a supporter and cycled across the ground while fielding for Essex during a major chunk of the Derbyshire innings. (We hope this memory doesn’t break the golden King Cricket rule by describing the cricket from a professional match.)
The match against the Ongar Representative XI was a fun match. The highlight was Graham Gooch bowling in the style of a number of famous international players. The best spoof was Bob Willis style; just with considerably less pace, less talent, less height but more body weight than Willis.
Lunch came around. Susan organised us all to a marquee in the next field.
We were about to enter the marquee when we became aware of ‘The Monster Muncher’ in action. It was the legendary Derek Pringle. He was moving with such speed and determination around the tables we were almost too scared to enter. We were also dazzled by flashing light, which might have come from the jewellery in the Marquee Monster Muncher’s ears.
When we finally plucked up the courage to enter the marquee, we quickly realised the need to establish eye contact in order to regain control of the situation. Pringle gave us a few shifty looks, but eventually we established contact. I (Chas) asked him if he would be long, as there was a queue starting to form outside. He grunted, “just getting a bit of food.”
An unkind rumour did the rounds after lunch, suggesting that a dustbin had been knocked over by the entrance to the marquee and that the Marquee Monster Muncher was seen using the dustbin lid as his plate. We are happy to put the record straight in that regard; Derek Pringle was merely piling it high on a conventional large plate.
Ged Matters
Ged Ladd writes:
Middlesex v Australians, Lord’s, 19 June 2010
I had been invited to a 30th anniversary reunion at school for this day. The thought of a formal school reunion horrified me, so I arranged to be at cricket during the day and at the theatre in the evening, to ensure my unavailability.
I had met up with some of the old school crowd, informally, a few weeks before. They felt they needed a rehersal. I took a couple of mementoes with me that day – my slide rule and a pair of old sports socks, on the outside of which my mum had sewn a name tag. I also promised to digitise and submit the old black and white photos I used to take at school. Most of them on subsequent inspection were gash, but the following picture wasn’t bad, especially considering I took it with a Zenith B.
As the temperature forecast for the day deteriorated, I kept dropping hints to Daisy that she should make sure she had plenty of warm clothing with her. On the morning itself I packed my thermal vest and again implored Daisy to wrap up warm. Daisy has previous in this department, but she swore she had plenty of layers.
There was something appropriate about skiving off the old school reunion for the cricket. As we entered Lord’s I half expected one of the stewards to feel my collar and ask “why aren’t you in school, young man?” We went up on the pavilion sun deck and in fact the morning, although chilly, was quite sunny and bearable. But when the sun went in, we were really cold and Daisy reported that, had she known it was going to be “this” cold, she’d have brought some socks. We agreed that I’d buy her some socks when we popped out to get our lunch during the innings break.
St John’s Wood High Street is not the ideal place to find a cheap pair of socks for the sole purpose of one afternoon’s cricket warmth. We tried several sock-free places before ending up in a boutique named Square One which only sold Emporio Armani socks and only in packs of three. £25.50 poorer, I realised that it would have been cheaper and quicker to have hired a taxi to take me home and get those old school numbers with me name tag in them. I also realised that the socks had cost me more than Daisy’s entry ticket for the match.
Still, we had three pairs, so Daisy was able to sport them on her feet and hands (she had also neglected to bring gloves).
As the temperature dropped further, I went to the gents to don my thermal vest. Horror – I’d need to remove my jacket and tie in the pavilion. I took the risk, thinking that perhaps no-one would come in while I was temporarily breaking the golden rule. But of course one of the more senior gentlemen did enter and looked at me quizzically.
“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” I mumbled.
“Pardon”, he said.
“Thermal vest”, I said, digging myself into a deeper hole. “It’s freezing”.
“Don’t feel the cold”, he reported, “feel the heat”.
I half expected him to launch into “when I was in Poona…” and half expected him to say “shouldn’t you be at school, young man”, but he said neither.
Later in the day, when the Middlesex Chairman stopped by, I asked him whether there is a dress code rule prohibiting the wearing of socks as gloves on the pavilion sun deck. He replied: “I don’t think there is, but don’t worry, there soon will be”. I didn’t have the courage to mention the thermal vest donning incident and he was too polite to ask “why aren’t you in school, young man?”
Cheltenham Stuff 2
George drew my attention to this:
A village cricket side scored 40 runs from the final over of a league match to secure the most unlikely of victories. Needing 35 to win from the last six deliveries of their game against Swinbrook, Dorchester-on-Thames CC looked down and out in the Oxfordshire Cricket Association match. Hosts Swinbrook had posted 240 from their 45 overs in the Division Four encounter.
With an over to go in Dorchester's reply, the visitors were on 206-7, with 54-year-old Steve McComb on strike against bowler Mihai Cucos. The over began with a no-ball which was dispatched for six. Ball two also went for six, effectively giving Dorchester 13 runs from one legitimate delivery. Cucos responded with a yorker, from which McComb was unable to score.
Ball four (the third legitimate delivery) went for four and was then followed by another no-ball which also flew to the boundary for four. The next two balls were flayed for six, leaving the scores level with one delivery to come. Swinbrook brought the field in, but McComb advanced down the pitch to hit his fifth six of the over, winning the game and bringing up his own century.
Strange Elevens
The answer to the Strange XI appearing in G&C 176 is that they are all Middlesex players who now play their cricket away from Middlesex.
Googlies Website
All the back editions of Googlies can be found on the G&C website. There are also a large number of photographs most of which have never appeared in Googlies.
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