GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 60
December 2007
Caption Competition
1. Duncan Fletcher: What do you mean “Cheer up”? This is my smile.
2. Freddie Flintoff: Just you wait till my next autobiography.
3. Victoria Beckham: I’m sorry I have no idea who you are. How many times have you had your picture in “Hello” magazine?
4. Steve McClaren: Duncan, how long does it take for your P45 to come through?
5. Duncan Fletcher: You want a joke? Ask David Lloyd how he got on in Zimbabwe.
6. Teflon: You said that County Cricket was no good, but I can barely get in the Kent side.
7. Brian Barwick: Excuse me Duncan. Do you know anything about football?
Out and About with the Professor
The Professor sent me these notes before hopping onto a plane to check out England’s progress in Sri Lanka
You will have been sorry to have missed the Welwyn Garden City presentation night celebrations. We have had some quiet evenings in the past when we had little in the way of success to note…but not this time. With three of the League sides promoted (two as champions) we had much to celebrate…and so we did. The season was a triumph, in particular, for the First XI captain, Martin James, who led a side of experienced and very young players to the League title.
It has been our habit in the past to ask one of our overseas players to make a speech on the night. These have, I think it fair to say, been rather mixed both in content and delivery, but this year was excellent. It is rare, I know you will agree, to find an Australian with a sense of humour but we had one and his contribution was the highlight of the evening. A significant proportion of his speech was delivered lying on the floor (not from inebriation but emulation – he was describing a colleague’s bowling action). Of the thousands of speeches and presentations I have seen in my life, this was the only one I have seen given from a supine position. It was magnificent. He also, of course, had to withstand much abuse about, inter alia, rugby, which is a sport that I understand they still play in Australia and various allusions to a “seventh place play-off” with New Zealand much too crude for the sensitivities of your readers. All-in-all a good do.
And now to next year. I have been pondering the state of club cricket and wonder what views your readers might have. It is my perception that, at the top level, club cricket is very much stronger than “in our day”. Evidence is of course partial, but many more of the players in top club cricket have minor county or even first class experience now and the preparation for games is much more serious than the ten minutes throwing a ball around that I can recall. The best clubs have coaches and those lower down are likely to nominate a player to fulfil that role. I would think that a club like Slough or Oxford or York would be more than a match for some of the minor counties. Of course it may just be that the minor counties have deteriorated, but I doubt it. Indeed, I wonder how far some of the very best clubs in the country are from giving a first class county like, say, Glamorgan, a good game.
Also I wonder if fellow cricket watchers sense a growing dispersion between the two leagues in the first class game. The promotion and relegation rules permit, of course, a rapid turnover, but is there a sense in which there is “clear blue water” between the top of the first division and the bottom of the second? Nothing that a few overseas players couldn’t sort out of course and it’s good to see Mike Gatting moving elegantly into this antique debate. While I welcome having such a deep and insightful thinker on my side, I think the solution is already at hand with the ECB payments arrangements. As I understand it, Counties now get £340 per England-qualified player that they put on the field for a first class match. If this fails to get the desired result it will simply be a matter of upping the rate – a standard optimality problem.
One wonders what the consequences of such a policy (intended or otherwise) might be. It would rescue poor Mike from any silly accusations of xenophobia (the very idea) but, more importantly, might it create greater disparity between the Counties with the poor ones taking the ECB money, playing only English-qualified players – and getting poorer results, while the richer ones look elsewhere for funding, continue to play five, six or seven “overseas” players and dominate the competitions? I don’t know…what do you think?
Penguin Matters, continued
When the Great Jack Morgan pointed out in the last issue that it was somewhat hypocritical of Peter Ray to criticise bad behaviour on the field of play since in his day he was the archetypal exponent of it, it was just a matter of time before my inbox pinged with Lord Ray of Wembley’s response:
Want a title? Try this - The Penguin Gobbles a Red Herring.
For the Great Jack Morgan to speak of hypocrisy is, perhaps, a trifle rich. To the best of my recollection, we were never on the same field together and it follows that his unjust and excessive accusations are based on second-hand reports, at best. If we were ever on the field together, he spent so little time there that he left no impression. I do not intend to waste time debating just who was "the worst behaved player ever to step onto a cricket field". If he thinks it was me, then I have to say that he played his cricket in a very sheltered environment. It is strange also that people were happy to drink with me after the game - once at Reading, when I did not trust myself to speak to anyone and sat at the far side of the ground, after two hours one of the Reading guys walked all the way across to give me a pint - and to invite me to their dinners. "Nowt so queer as folk," as they say. “They’re all mad except thee and me, and I 'm none too sure of thee." Queer indeed, if I was quite as black-hearted as the Great Jack Morgan paints me.
Moreover, I was not aware that one had to demonstrate saintliness in order to be able to exercise judgement. I never cheated on a cricket field. I played it hard and learning to accept failure to perform was something with which I struggled, and find difficult still. Most people concede, however, that as many or more of my reproofs were directed at me rather than at others. Such as are quotations, actual or alleged, of my remarks aimed at the opposition have usually contained an element of wit. In any case, it may be that the poacher is better qualified to pronounce on the art than the gamekeeper.
What I find deeply offensive in modern cricket - and I have been as close to it as the Great Jack, I imagine, by going on to umpire after playing - is the continual mindless parroting of complete inanities, cheating by the intent to damage concentration. The son of David Watson at Wembley was someone to whom I spoke on this subject. Batsmen, unless batting through the innings, have only an hour or so to endure but the umpires are there from start to finish. In the matches in which I stood the junior Watson was able to economise on throat pastilles for once.
In Test cricket, as we hear from the stump microphones, not only do players have to endure - in England (should that be Ing-er-land?) matches, at least - the brain-dead chanting of the correctly named Barmy Army, but they have the irrelevancies of people like Prior, and others, to stomach after each delivery. There is no wit, no humour, no semblance of chivalry. Once - and I was taught to do this - players would applaud an opposition batsman's fifty or hundred. One is not less competitive for doing so. Such politenesses are increasingly rare and/or perfunctory and often done with obvious bad grace. Sadly, such habits carry through to junior levels.
Cheating is commonplace. Only Gilchrist - Richmond CC influenced - walks for the snick. England captains, current and of recent days, openly advocate waiting for the umpire's decision yet, as Christopher Martin-Jenkins pointed out in this year's Cowdrey lecture, there is no difference between the snick to the keeper and a ball clearly hit in the air to a fielder. No one would dream of insisting on the fielding side appealing and a decision being made for the latter, so why wait with the snick? The only motive is that the player wishes to be given an opportunity to cheat. What can be the pleasure, or honour, in winning when you know you had to cheat to do so? Yet this is what is taught by example nowadays and, so I was informed not long ago, part of the instructions given by County coaches. Atherton famously - infamously, in my reckoning - stayed after every TV viewer but not, sadly, the umpire saw him firmly glove Donald to Boucher. Not only did he stay for that but then he justified (sic) his action in a book, thus reinforcing the disgraceful message he sent to young players.
There was a time when such an action by an England captain would have caused men to turn their backs on him when he entered a room. Not all change is for the better.
Whatever my shortcomings may have been, I was never accused of cheating. Nor did I regard the game with the cynicism that is all too obvious in the Sky commentary box, and various newspaper columns. For example, referring to the “Darrell Hair incident" is completely wrong! A decision on changing the condition of the ball is made by both umpires, not one; the fact that ICC behaved unfittingly by ignoring Doctrove's contribution does not change the situation - Simon Hughes wrote in an article about it something to the effect that the concept of the umpire's decision being final was outmoded and redolent of club armchairs, port and cigars. (This, from a man doing well from the game and so popular (!) when his benefit came round that he could hardly find anyone willing to write anything for a brochure, and so had to organise his benefit on an entirely different basis). Such cynical undermining of respect for the umpires' role does the game grave disservice.
I have always loved the game. For some time I may have loved it too fiercely. If so, the game survived it and took no harm from it. The same cannot be said about those who cheat openly, who urge others to do so, who cheapen the game by chanting idiocies, who demonstrate disrespect for opponents with infantile so-called practical jokes, whose idea of being a role model is to arrive too drunk to practice - I could go on.
After playing, I umpired for a time until health reasons caused me to retire this year. The Great Jack Morgan might have been surprised at my ability to remain silent a couple of years back at Barnet when their opening bowler - possibly playing beyond his level in Division 3; bowling right-arm over from the extreme edge of the crease, with no sign of deviation through use of swing or seam - again drawing the batsman's pad well outside the line of the stumps playing the forward defensive shot, found his umpteenth appeal for lbw turned down. Walking back to his mark, he remarked to mid-off (presumably thinking my hearing as deficient as he considered my knowledge of the game), "I don't think this umpire has ever played bloody cricket." As one who has taken the odd wicket here and there, I could have made all manner of comments. I might even have been able to suggest how he could hold a brand new ball in order to get it to swing on what was a muggy afternoon. As an umpire, though, one does not participate, one facilitates. I was trying to put a little back into the game. That is why I for some time I served behind the bar, was a committee member and then secretary of Wembley CC; and why I was treasurer at Richmond CC, and am now secretary both of RCC and of the Old Deer Park Partnership; why I am membership secretary of The Stoics CC; why I am chairman of the revived Wanderers CC; and a committee member of the Middlesex umpires/scorers body, MCB OA. I love the game. Unlike some present-day club players, as a player I never got a penny from the game and paid to play. I have yet to claim a penny in expenses for committee work. I have had heaps out the game in terms of pleasure and friendships, but I have put plenty back into it and shall continue to do so. And I am damned well as entitled to pronounce on it as the Great Jack Morgan.
Does Lord Ray protesteth too much? Do I detect a little rewriting of history here? Does anyone who played against him still not wake up in the middle of the night re-experiencing a Ray vitriolic outburst? All correspondence on this matter will be treated in the strictest of confidence or something like that…
The Start of the Middlesex League
The Middlesex League had a trial run in 1971. But the first matches proper were played on Saturday 13 May 1972. South Hampstead hosted Stanmore at Milverton Road. The match began at 2.10pm and by 3.35pm Stanmore had reached 54-4 from 23 overs. Ian Jerman bowled Webb, Geoff Howe had Bibby caught by Len Stubbs and Thomas fell LBW to Bill Hart. Geoff Howe also bowled Peter Nicholls for 43 in this score. The rain break lasted for 65 minutes and so Stanmore resumed their innings at 4.40pm. In the next hour they added 64 for the loss of three further wickets to Peach and Hart. We bowled 42 overs in this innings and it is noteworthy and indicative of the conditions that our left arm spinner Alan Cox didn’t get on at all.
The South Hampstead innings started at 5.55pm and so the tea interval must have been reduced to ten minutes. Colin Price and Terry Cordaroy opened the batting against Arthur Ferry and Brian Hall. Cordaroy was caught by Mike Heaffey off Brian Hall for 9 in the fourth over and when the Legendary Len Stubbs was caught by Ferry off Hall for 7 the score was 18 for 2. Neither Colin Price nor Allen Bruton were dominant batsmen and they found progress against nagging accuracy from Ferry and Hall hard going. In those days twenty overs had to be bowled in the last hour and Stanmore bowled eleven by 6.30pm which meant we had 31 overs in total to get the runs. After seventeen overs the score had only progressed to 30 for 2 but Price scored two fours off the eighteenth over and Bruton hit two fours off the twenty first over before hitting the last ball of the next over, Peter Nicholls first, for six. He also hit the first ball of Nicholls next over for six before being caught by Heaffey in the same over. Price went the same way in Stevens’ first over and I joined Bob Peach with the score on 82 for 4. Bob was run out for 7 which brought Ian Jerman to the crease. Ian was always interesting to bat with and anything could happen as a result of his idiosyncratic technique. On this occasion we timed things just right adding 30 and winning with a ball to spare. Allen Bruton top scored with 33 and Colin Price made 28.
I asked Allen Bruton what he recalled about his history making innings. He replied:
“Thank you and congratulations on finding a match in which I top scored. This must have involved many hours of investigation and research. To save such effort in future I would refer you to the other such occasion, Gentlemen v Ladies, cricket week 1974, when I made the bowling of Diane Peach and Gwen Cozens look very ordinary. Regarding the match in question I remember nothing of the Stanmore innings. Presumably to have had time to make 33 runs I must have opened and I seem to recall a partnership between Colin Price and myself which could not be described as 20/20 cricket. Certainly Brian Hall bowled and I suspect went for very few runs. Possibly our partnership encouraged Stanmore to believe we were settling for a draw and I think they rather generously opened up the game with their off spinner, Peter Nicholls.”
I asked our other key man, Colin Price, if he had any recollections. He replied: “I can't say I have a vivid memory of the game but if Bruton was among the runs, then we must have all supped at least one light ale that night.”
I asked Bob Fisher about Ealing’s game that day and he sent me this:
“Our first ever opponents were Finchley who we met at Corfton Road. I was captaining Ealing and winning the toss elected to bat on a rain affected wicket. We lost Brian Puddephatt very early on caught behind by David Hayes off the bowling of Khan. Brian Stevens and Alan Reeves then put on 52 before Stevens was out, caught by Jim Alldis also of the bowling of Khan. Alldis then bowled Reeves before John Poore and Dave Roberts put on 61 in an unbroken stand before we declared at 150-3. We made a great start when Finchley batted, reducing them to 9-3. Peter Mitchell and Alan Price opened our bowling and Mitchell accounted for Mike Milton and Terry Wilton whilst Price got rid of Sayeed. This brought together David Hays and Warwick Jordan and suddenly our total looked very inadequate as Hays began to hit out and it seemed in no time that he had reached 50 with Jordan supporting him well at the other end. To our relief, Hays was then caught and bowled by John Lindley off a towering hit and Jordan fell soon after caught by Bill Hatchett off Price. Mitchell then accounted for Alldis, Shakir and Khan in quick succession before Price accounted for Dolder and Finchley were out for 89, leaving us winners by 61 runs.
Our final game of this League season was against South Hampstead and it proved to be one of the biggest disappointments of my cricketing life. We went into the game level on points with Hornsey and with exactly the same playing record, won nine, four point draws two; one point draws one and with one defeat each, both sides having 100 points. We knew that only a win would assure us of at least a share in the championship title. Winning the toss we elected to bat and made 180-5 when we declared after 45 overs. In the tea interval, we got the news that Hornsey who had been playing in an all day game against Southgate had already won so we knew that we had to win to share the trophy. South Hampstead made a good start and were 72-0 in the 26th over before we managed to separate Colin Price and Terry Cordaroy. At this stage South Hampstead needed 108 from 33 overs with nine wickets standing so were firm favourites to win. Our hopes were raised when we got rid of number three Len Stubbs third ball. We were now bowling exclusively spin, all off beak bowlers, Malcolm Taylor, Alan Price and Brian Stevens and we gradually began to eat into the South Hampstead batting line up which included Nigel Ross until with just three overs to go we got down to number 11 Geoff Howe to join, I think, Bill Hart at the other end. At this stage South Hampstead needed 14 runs to win. I can distinctly remember Bob Peach signalling from the pavilion to Howe to hit out, I like to think in recognition of the spirit in which we had played the game but it was not to be, Howe blocked the 12 balls he received and the game was drawn so we finished in second place, six points behind Hornsey. Little did I know at the time that it would not be until 1991 some nineteen years later before we at last got our hands on the Championship Trophy.”
CCC in Australia Matters
John Williams has been liaising with Charlie Toole in an attempt to identify the 1971 CCC touring party of Australia. Since Charlie was in the party it should have been a cinch but there are still plenty of gaps for Terry Cordaroy and the Legendary Len Stubbs to come forward and identify. This is the current state of play:
Standing: unknown; Con Davies; unknown; Tony Hawdon; unknown; unknown; unknown; Robin Syrett ( non-playing member of the party); air hostess; David Evans (Edmonton); unknown; Terry Cordaroy; Len Stubbs; unknown; John Appleyard (Hitchin CC and Herts); Graham Jarrett (Forest Hill and Beds); Micky Dunn; Laurie Butcher(Hendon Buccaneers); Brian Reid; Charlie Toole.
Crouching: Audrey Hawdon; unknown; Roger Pearman; unknown but looks like John Poore; Chris Parry; unknown.
John Williams tells me that Charlie Toole maintains that Laurie Butcher owed his selection entirely to Con Davies having been invited to the Hendon Buccaneers dinner.
Mosman Matters
When he replied to my request for info on the Stanmore game Colin Price told me that he had been mixing in illustrious company:
I have just been at a centenary luncheon for the Mosman Cricket Club for whom I played all my cricket in Sydney. Your cricket history buffs may recognise some of the following eight "genuine" Mosman players who went on to play test cricket for Australia. I use the word genuine because Peter Toohey also came and played two seasons with Mosman whilst still a test cricketer but he wasn't home-grown.
The eight, who may stir a memory or two, were
Stan McCabe
Hammy Love (1 Test)
Graeme Hole
Ian Craig
Gordon Rorke
David Colley
Allan Border
Brett Lee
Brett had other commitments and couldn't attend and sadly the first three have passed on. However, Ian, Gordon, David and Allan were all there and looking to be in good health. Not that many representatives from one club but two Test Captains (out of 42 in total) amongst them.
More Coxon Matters
Bob Fisher sent me these notes in response to Bill Hart’s reminiscences last month
I can well remember our game against South Hampstead in July 1965 and would concur with Bill's comments about how well Terry Cordaroy played that day. We should have made more runs than we did, we were 66-3 at one stage but once Brian Stevens got out our innings collapsed. Bill is also correct in his description of the Ealing wicket at that time. It was ideal for our spinners Alan Coxon and Alan Price, although Price was not in the side that day and it was Peter Mitchell operating at the other end to Coxon. In that season Coxon took 171 wickets and had it not been for the fact that the final four games of the season were washed out, I am sure that he would have beaten Eddie Ingrams' record of 184 wickets in a season. A record that I am sure will now never be beaten with so few players playing two days a weekend.
Passing matters
It has been a traumatic time this month at South Hampstead. When I got back from a trip there was a message from Roy Dodson on my answer machine informing me that Colin Hughes had died. Colin was never a player at the club but acted in various official capacities including a spell as club treasurer. Then when I spoke with Bob Peach he told me that Heather Wells, Brian Raven’s partner, had died after a fight against cancer and also that Dick Bostell had died after suffering a stroke whilst driving.
One bright feature to emerge from this gloom was that Ossie Burton appeared at Heather’s funeral. Bob Peach tells me that he was in rude health and looked no different than most of us remember him. Hopefully he can be persuaded to join us at some gathering in 2008.
John Williams’ Christmas Caption Competition
John Williams found the following picture of Robin Syrett in the Wisden Cricketer. He would like all mature readers, by which he means contemporaries, to submit appropriate captions. I will be happy to publish both the wittiest and lewdest in the next edition.
Strange Elevens
It appears that last month’s Strange Eleven was just too easy. Steve Caley responded immediately with: “Do you think we may have had a chance to beat them if they were made to play sans lunettes?” Paul Kilvington noted that “The strange XI would all have made a spectacle (or pair) of themselves.” Tim Mansfield also came up with the right answer which was most succinctly reported by Ollie Gibbs: “All of them wore spectacles at one time or another on
the field of play.”
The Great Jack Morgan provides another bunch for you to consider this month:
Nick Knight
John Francis
Mark Powell
Robin Weston
Piran Holloway
James Hildreth
James Adams (Hants)
Robert White (Northants)
Chris Read (w/k)
Steffan Jones
Monty Panesar
As usual all you have to is determine which Jazz Hat fits them all.
Irritating Trends in Modern Cricket –Number 49
I appreciate that I run the risk of being accused of being a trainspotter on this but then that is one of the risks I have to take. It really annoys me that when a batsman completes his fifty a caption comes up on the screen saying that he has scored eight hundreds and twelve fifties at that level of cricket. The commentator then chimes in with that is his thirteenth fifty. No it isn’t! It’s his twenty first fifty of which he has gone on to convert eight into hundreds.
Murray Matters
Murray Hedgecock sent me this:
I lost track of the number of Middlesex players who received end-of-season awards, as listed in Middlesex Matters in the last edition. Two thoughts: you can only feel embarrassment for any of the squad who did NOT get an award (if there were any) – and second, hasn’t the system gone to extremes? “Everyone must have a prize” said Alice: surely there is an Alice in Wonderland air of fantasy about the liberal fashion in which such bonus awards are showered on professional sportsmen these days. Isn’t their pay sufficient?
Football Matters
I am pleased to report that Andrew Baker has recovered well from his recent accident. However, when he got back to his Ladies team he was appalled to find that Kelvin West had been trying them out in a new kit for away matches:
He was also somewhat puzzled to find them trying out the new urinals in the Gents toilet:
Medical Matters
I recently heard from Bob Proctor and I am delighted to report the following:
“Good news in relation to my health. My Oncologist has given me a further six months off. So I am currently in remission and going well.”
You have all of our best wishes, Bob, for a continued recovery.
Earlier Editions
I will be please to email you a copy of the earlier editions of Googlies & Chinamen, if you missed them.
Googlies and Chinamen
is produced by
James Sharp
Broad Lee House
Combs
High Peak
SK23 9XA
Tel & fax: 01298 70237
Email: [email protected]
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 60
December 2007
Caption Competition
1. Duncan Fletcher: What do you mean “Cheer up”? This is my smile.
2. Freddie Flintoff: Just you wait till my next autobiography.
3. Victoria Beckham: I’m sorry I have no idea who you are. How many times have you had your picture in “Hello” magazine?
4. Steve McClaren: Duncan, how long does it take for your P45 to come through?
5. Duncan Fletcher: You want a joke? Ask David Lloyd how he got on in Zimbabwe.
6. Teflon: You said that County Cricket was no good, but I can barely get in the Kent side.
7. Brian Barwick: Excuse me Duncan. Do you know anything about football?
Out and About with the Professor
The Professor sent me these notes before hopping onto a plane to check out England’s progress in Sri Lanka
You will have been sorry to have missed the Welwyn Garden City presentation night celebrations. We have had some quiet evenings in the past when we had little in the way of success to note…but not this time. With three of the League sides promoted (two as champions) we had much to celebrate…and so we did. The season was a triumph, in particular, for the First XI captain, Martin James, who led a side of experienced and very young players to the League title.
It has been our habit in the past to ask one of our overseas players to make a speech on the night. These have, I think it fair to say, been rather mixed both in content and delivery, but this year was excellent. It is rare, I know you will agree, to find an Australian with a sense of humour but we had one and his contribution was the highlight of the evening. A significant proportion of his speech was delivered lying on the floor (not from inebriation but emulation – he was describing a colleague’s bowling action). Of the thousands of speeches and presentations I have seen in my life, this was the only one I have seen given from a supine position. It was magnificent. He also, of course, had to withstand much abuse about, inter alia, rugby, which is a sport that I understand they still play in Australia and various allusions to a “seventh place play-off” with New Zealand much too crude for the sensitivities of your readers. All-in-all a good do.
And now to next year. I have been pondering the state of club cricket and wonder what views your readers might have. It is my perception that, at the top level, club cricket is very much stronger than “in our day”. Evidence is of course partial, but many more of the players in top club cricket have minor county or even first class experience now and the preparation for games is much more serious than the ten minutes throwing a ball around that I can recall. The best clubs have coaches and those lower down are likely to nominate a player to fulfil that role. I would think that a club like Slough or Oxford or York would be more than a match for some of the minor counties. Of course it may just be that the minor counties have deteriorated, but I doubt it. Indeed, I wonder how far some of the very best clubs in the country are from giving a first class county like, say, Glamorgan, a good game.
Also I wonder if fellow cricket watchers sense a growing dispersion between the two leagues in the first class game. The promotion and relegation rules permit, of course, a rapid turnover, but is there a sense in which there is “clear blue water” between the top of the first division and the bottom of the second? Nothing that a few overseas players couldn’t sort out of course and it’s good to see Mike Gatting moving elegantly into this antique debate. While I welcome having such a deep and insightful thinker on my side, I think the solution is already at hand with the ECB payments arrangements. As I understand it, Counties now get £340 per England-qualified player that they put on the field for a first class match. If this fails to get the desired result it will simply be a matter of upping the rate – a standard optimality problem.
One wonders what the consequences of such a policy (intended or otherwise) might be. It would rescue poor Mike from any silly accusations of xenophobia (the very idea) but, more importantly, might it create greater disparity between the Counties with the poor ones taking the ECB money, playing only English-qualified players – and getting poorer results, while the richer ones look elsewhere for funding, continue to play five, six or seven “overseas” players and dominate the competitions? I don’t know…what do you think?
Penguin Matters, continued
When the Great Jack Morgan pointed out in the last issue that it was somewhat hypocritical of Peter Ray to criticise bad behaviour on the field of play since in his day he was the archetypal exponent of it, it was just a matter of time before my inbox pinged with Lord Ray of Wembley’s response:
Want a title? Try this - The Penguin Gobbles a Red Herring.
For the Great Jack Morgan to speak of hypocrisy is, perhaps, a trifle rich. To the best of my recollection, we were never on the same field together and it follows that his unjust and excessive accusations are based on second-hand reports, at best. If we were ever on the field together, he spent so little time there that he left no impression. I do not intend to waste time debating just who was "the worst behaved player ever to step onto a cricket field". If he thinks it was me, then I have to say that he played his cricket in a very sheltered environment. It is strange also that people were happy to drink with me after the game - once at Reading, when I did not trust myself to speak to anyone and sat at the far side of the ground, after two hours one of the Reading guys walked all the way across to give me a pint - and to invite me to their dinners. "Nowt so queer as folk," as they say. “They’re all mad except thee and me, and I 'm none too sure of thee." Queer indeed, if I was quite as black-hearted as the Great Jack Morgan paints me.
Moreover, I was not aware that one had to demonstrate saintliness in order to be able to exercise judgement. I never cheated on a cricket field. I played it hard and learning to accept failure to perform was something with which I struggled, and find difficult still. Most people concede, however, that as many or more of my reproofs were directed at me rather than at others. Such as are quotations, actual or alleged, of my remarks aimed at the opposition have usually contained an element of wit. In any case, it may be that the poacher is better qualified to pronounce on the art than the gamekeeper.
What I find deeply offensive in modern cricket - and I have been as close to it as the Great Jack, I imagine, by going on to umpire after playing - is the continual mindless parroting of complete inanities, cheating by the intent to damage concentration. The son of David Watson at Wembley was someone to whom I spoke on this subject. Batsmen, unless batting through the innings, have only an hour or so to endure but the umpires are there from start to finish. In the matches in which I stood the junior Watson was able to economise on throat pastilles for once.
In Test cricket, as we hear from the stump microphones, not only do players have to endure - in England (should that be Ing-er-land?) matches, at least - the brain-dead chanting of the correctly named Barmy Army, but they have the irrelevancies of people like Prior, and others, to stomach after each delivery. There is no wit, no humour, no semblance of chivalry. Once - and I was taught to do this - players would applaud an opposition batsman's fifty or hundred. One is not less competitive for doing so. Such politenesses are increasingly rare and/or perfunctory and often done with obvious bad grace. Sadly, such habits carry through to junior levels.
Cheating is commonplace. Only Gilchrist - Richmond CC influenced - walks for the snick. England captains, current and of recent days, openly advocate waiting for the umpire's decision yet, as Christopher Martin-Jenkins pointed out in this year's Cowdrey lecture, there is no difference between the snick to the keeper and a ball clearly hit in the air to a fielder. No one would dream of insisting on the fielding side appealing and a decision being made for the latter, so why wait with the snick? The only motive is that the player wishes to be given an opportunity to cheat. What can be the pleasure, or honour, in winning when you know you had to cheat to do so? Yet this is what is taught by example nowadays and, so I was informed not long ago, part of the instructions given by County coaches. Atherton famously - infamously, in my reckoning - stayed after every TV viewer but not, sadly, the umpire saw him firmly glove Donald to Boucher. Not only did he stay for that but then he justified (sic) his action in a book, thus reinforcing the disgraceful message he sent to young players.
There was a time when such an action by an England captain would have caused men to turn their backs on him when he entered a room. Not all change is for the better.
Whatever my shortcomings may have been, I was never accused of cheating. Nor did I regard the game with the cynicism that is all too obvious in the Sky commentary box, and various newspaper columns. For example, referring to the “Darrell Hair incident" is completely wrong! A decision on changing the condition of the ball is made by both umpires, not one; the fact that ICC behaved unfittingly by ignoring Doctrove's contribution does not change the situation - Simon Hughes wrote in an article about it something to the effect that the concept of the umpire's decision being final was outmoded and redolent of club armchairs, port and cigars. (This, from a man doing well from the game and so popular (!) when his benefit came round that he could hardly find anyone willing to write anything for a brochure, and so had to organise his benefit on an entirely different basis). Such cynical undermining of respect for the umpires' role does the game grave disservice.
I have always loved the game. For some time I may have loved it too fiercely. If so, the game survived it and took no harm from it. The same cannot be said about those who cheat openly, who urge others to do so, who cheapen the game by chanting idiocies, who demonstrate disrespect for opponents with infantile so-called practical jokes, whose idea of being a role model is to arrive too drunk to practice - I could go on.
After playing, I umpired for a time until health reasons caused me to retire this year. The Great Jack Morgan might have been surprised at my ability to remain silent a couple of years back at Barnet when their opening bowler - possibly playing beyond his level in Division 3; bowling right-arm over from the extreme edge of the crease, with no sign of deviation through use of swing or seam - again drawing the batsman's pad well outside the line of the stumps playing the forward defensive shot, found his umpteenth appeal for lbw turned down. Walking back to his mark, he remarked to mid-off (presumably thinking my hearing as deficient as he considered my knowledge of the game), "I don't think this umpire has ever played bloody cricket." As one who has taken the odd wicket here and there, I could have made all manner of comments. I might even have been able to suggest how he could hold a brand new ball in order to get it to swing on what was a muggy afternoon. As an umpire, though, one does not participate, one facilitates. I was trying to put a little back into the game. That is why I for some time I served behind the bar, was a committee member and then secretary of Wembley CC; and why I was treasurer at Richmond CC, and am now secretary both of RCC and of the Old Deer Park Partnership; why I am membership secretary of The Stoics CC; why I am chairman of the revived Wanderers CC; and a committee member of the Middlesex umpires/scorers body, MCB OA. I love the game. Unlike some present-day club players, as a player I never got a penny from the game and paid to play. I have yet to claim a penny in expenses for committee work. I have had heaps out the game in terms of pleasure and friendships, but I have put plenty back into it and shall continue to do so. And I am damned well as entitled to pronounce on it as the Great Jack Morgan.
Does Lord Ray protesteth too much? Do I detect a little rewriting of history here? Does anyone who played against him still not wake up in the middle of the night re-experiencing a Ray vitriolic outburst? All correspondence on this matter will be treated in the strictest of confidence or something like that…
The Start of the Middlesex League
The Middlesex League had a trial run in 1971. But the first matches proper were played on Saturday 13 May 1972. South Hampstead hosted Stanmore at Milverton Road. The match began at 2.10pm and by 3.35pm Stanmore had reached 54-4 from 23 overs. Ian Jerman bowled Webb, Geoff Howe had Bibby caught by Len Stubbs and Thomas fell LBW to Bill Hart. Geoff Howe also bowled Peter Nicholls for 43 in this score. The rain break lasted for 65 minutes and so Stanmore resumed their innings at 4.40pm. In the next hour they added 64 for the loss of three further wickets to Peach and Hart. We bowled 42 overs in this innings and it is noteworthy and indicative of the conditions that our left arm spinner Alan Cox didn’t get on at all.
The South Hampstead innings started at 5.55pm and so the tea interval must have been reduced to ten minutes. Colin Price and Terry Cordaroy opened the batting against Arthur Ferry and Brian Hall. Cordaroy was caught by Mike Heaffey off Brian Hall for 9 in the fourth over and when the Legendary Len Stubbs was caught by Ferry off Hall for 7 the score was 18 for 2. Neither Colin Price nor Allen Bruton were dominant batsmen and they found progress against nagging accuracy from Ferry and Hall hard going. In those days twenty overs had to be bowled in the last hour and Stanmore bowled eleven by 6.30pm which meant we had 31 overs in total to get the runs. After seventeen overs the score had only progressed to 30 for 2 but Price scored two fours off the eighteenth over and Bruton hit two fours off the twenty first over before hitting the last ball of the next over, Peter Nicholls first, for six. He also hit the first ball of Nicholls next over for six before being caught by Heaffey in the same over. Price went the same way in Stevens’ first over and I joined Bob Peach with the score on 82 for 4. Bob was run out for 7 which brought Ian Jerman to the crease. Ian was always interesting to bat with and anything could happen as a result of his idiosyncratic technique. On this occasion we timed things just right adding 30 and winning with a ball to spare. Allen Bruton top scored with 33 and Colin Price made 28.
I asked Allen Bruton what he recalled about his history making innings. He replied:
“Thank you and congratulations on finding a match in which I top scored. This must have involved many hours of investigation and research. To save such effort in future I would refer you to the other such occasion, Gentlemen v Ladies, cricket week 1974, when I made the bowling of Diane Peach and Gwen Cozens look very ordinary. Regarding the match in question I remember nothing of the Stanmore innings. Presumably to have had time to make 33 runs I must have opened and I seem to recall a partnership between Colin Price and myself which could not be described as 20/20 cricket. Certainly Brian Hall bowled and I suspect went for very few runs. Possibly our partnership encouraged Stanmore to believe we were settling for a draw and I think they rather generously opened up the game with their off spinner, Peter Nicholls.”
I asked our other key man, Colin Price, if he had any recollections. He replied: “I can't say I have a vivid memory of the game but if Bruton was among the runs, then we must have all supped at least one light ale that night.”
I asked Bob Fisher about Ealing’s game that day and he sent me this:
“Our first ever opponents were Finchley who we met at Corfton Road. I was captaining Ealing and winning the toss elected to bat on a rain affected wicket. We lost Brian Puddephatt very early on caught behind by David Hayes off the bowling of Khan. Brian Stevens and Alan Reeves then put on 52 before Stevens was out, caught by Jim Alldis also of the bowling of Khan. Alldis then bowled Reeves before John Poore and Dave Roberts put on 61 in an unbroken stand before we declared at 150-3. We made a great start when Finchley batted, reducing them to 9-3. Peter Mitchell and Alan Price opened our bowling and Mitchell accounted for Mike Milton and Terry Wilton whilst Price got rid of Sayeed. This brought together David Hays and Warwick Jordan and suddenly our total looked very inadequate as Hays began to hit out and it seemed in no time that he had reached 50 with Jordan supporting him well at the other end. To our relief, Hays was then caught and bowled by John Lindley off a towering hit and Jordan fell soon after caught by Bill Hatchett off Price. Mitchell then accounted for Alldis, Shakir and Khan in quick succession before Price accounted for Dolder and Finchley were out for 89, leaving us winners by 61 runs.
Our final game of this League season was against South Hampstead and it proved to be one of the biggest disappointments of my cricketing life. We went into the game level on points with Hornsey and with exactly the same playing record, won nine, four point draws two; one point draws one and with one defeat each, both sides having 100 points. We knew that only a win would assure us of at least a share in the championship title. Winning the toss we elected to bat and made 180-5 when we declared after 45 overs. In the tea interval, we got the news that Hornsey who had been playing in an all day game against Southgate had already won so we knew that we had to win to share the trophy. South Hampstead made a good start and were 72-0 in the 26th over before we managed to separate Colin Price and Terry Cordaroy. At this stage South Hampstead needed 108 from 33 overs with nine wickets standing so were firm favourites to win. Our hopes were raised when we got rid of number three Len Stubbs third ball. We were now bowling exclusively spin, all off beak bowlers, Malcolm Taylor, Alan Price and Brian Stevens and we gradually began to eat into the South Hampstead batting line up which included Nigel Ross until with just three overs to go we got down to number 11 Geoff Howe to join, I think, Bill Hart at the other end. At this stage South Hampstead needed 14 runs to win. I can distinctly remember Bob Peach signalling from the pavilion to Howe to hit out, I like to think in recognition of the spirit in which we had played the game but it was not to be, Howe blocked the 12 balls he received and the game was drawn so we finished in second place, six points behind Hornsey. Little did I know at the time that it would not be until 1991 some nineteen years later before we at last got our hands on the Championship Trophy.”
CCC in Australia Matters
John Williams has been liaising with Charlie Toole in an attempt to identify the 1971 CCC touring party of Australia. Since Charlie was in the party it should have been a cinch but there are still plenty of gaps for Terry Cordaroy and the Legendary Len Stubbs to come forward and identify. This is the current state of play:
Standing: unknown; Con Davies; unknown; Tony Hawdon; unknown; unknown; unknown; Robin Syrett ( non-playing member of the party); air hostess; David Evans (Edmonton); unknown; Terry Cordaroy; Len Stubbs; unknown; John Appleyard (Hitchin CC and Herts); Graham Jarrett (Forest Hill and Beds); Micky Dunn; Laurie Butcher(Hendon Buccaneers); Brian Reid; Charlie Toole.
Crouching: Audrey Hawdon; unknown; Roger Pearman; unknown but looks like John Poore; Chris Parry; unknown.
John Williams tells me that Charlie Toole maintains that Laurie Butcher owed his selection entirely to Con Davies having been invited to the Hendon Buccaneers dinner.
Mosman Matters
When he replied to my request for info on the Stanmore game Colin Price told me that he had been mixing in illustrious company:
I have just been at a centenary luncheon for the Mosman Cricket Club for whom I played all my cricket in Sydney. Your cricket history buffs may recognise some of the following eight "genuine" Mosman players who went on to play test cricket for Australia. I use the word genuine because Peter Toohey also came and played two seasons with Mosman whilst still a test cricketer but he wasn't home-grown.
The eight, who may stir a memory or two, were
Stan McCabe
Hammy Love (1 Test)
Graeme Hole
Ian Craig
Gordon Rorke
David Colley
Allan Border
Brett Lee
Brett had other commitments and couldn't attend and sadly the first three have passed on. However, Ian, Gordon, David and Allan were all there and looking to be in good health. Not that many representatives from one club but two Test Captains (out of 42 in total) amongst them.
More Coxon Matters
Bob Fisher sent me these notes in response to Bill Hart’s reminiscences last month
I can well remember our game against South Hampstead in July 1965 and would concur with Bill's comments about how well Terry Cordaroy played that day. We should have made more runs than we did, we were 66-3 at one stage but once Brian Stevens got out our innings collapsed. Bill is also correct in his description of the Ealing wicket at that time. It was ideal for our spinners Alan Coxon and Alan Price, although Price was not in the side that day and it was Peter Mitchell operating at the other end to Coxon. In that season Coxon took 171 wickets and had it not been for the fact that the final four games of the season were washed out, I am sure that he would have beaten Eddie Ingrams' record of 184 wickets in a season. A record that I am sure will now never be beaten with so few players playing two days a weekend.
Passing matters
It has been a traumatic time this month at South Hampstead. When I got back from a trip there was a message from Roy Dodson on my answer machine informing me that Colin Hughes had died. Colin was never a player at the club but acted in various official capacities including a spell as club treasurer. Then when I spoke with Bob Peach he told me that Heather Wells, Brian Raven’s partner, had died after a fight against cancer and also that Dick Bostell had died after suffering a stroke whilst driving.
One bright feature to emerge from this gloom was that Ossie Burton appeared at Heather’s funeral. Bob Peach tells me that he was in rude health and looked no different than most of us remember him. Hopefully he can be persuaded to join us at some gathering in 2008.
John Williams’ Christmas Caption Competition
John Williams found the following picture of Robin Syrett in the Wisden Cricketer. He would like all mature readers, by which he means contemporaries, to submit appropriate captions. I will be happy to publish both the wittiest and lewdest in the next edition.
Strange Elevens
It appears that last month’s Strange Eleven was just too easy. Steve Caley responded immediately with: “Do you think we may have had a chance to beat them if they were made to play sans lunettes?” Paul Kilvington noted that “The strange XI would all have made a spectacle (or pair) of themselves.” Tim Mansfield also came up with the right answer which was most succinctly reported by Ollie Gibbs: “All of them wore spectacles at one time or another on
the field of play.”
The Great Jack Morgan provides another bunch for you to consider this month:
Nick Knight
John Francis
Mark Powell
Robin Weston
Piran Holloway
James Hildreth
James Adams (Hants)
Robert White (Northants)
Chris Read (w/k)
Steffan Jones
Monty Panesar
As usual all you have to is determine which Jazz Hat fits them all.
Irritating Trends in Modern Cricket –Number 49
I appreciate that I run the risk of being accused of being a trainspotter on this but then that is one of the risks I have to take. It really annoys me that when a batsman completes his fifty a caption comes up on the screen saying that he has scored eight hundreds and twelve fifties at that level of cricket. The commentator then chimes in with that is his thirteenth fifty. No it isn’t! It’s his twenty first fifty of which he has gone on to convert eight into hundreds.
Murray Matters
Murray Hedgecock sent me this:
I lost track of the number of Middlesex players who received end-of-season awards, as listed in Middlesex Matters in the last edition. Two thoughts: you can only feel embarrassment for any of the squad who did NOT get an award (if there were any) – and second, hasn’t the system gone to extremes? “Everyone must have a prize” said Alice: surely there is an Alice in Wonderland air of fantasy about the liberal fashion in which such bonus awards are showered on professional sportsmen these days. Isn’t their pay sufficient?
Football Matters
I am pleased to report that Andrew Baker has recovered well from his recent accident. However, when he got back to his Ladies team he was appalled to find that Kelvin West had been trying them out in a new kit for away matches:
He was also somewhat puzzled to find them trying out the new urinals in the Gents toilet:
Medical Matters
I recently heard from Bob Proctor and I am delighted to report the following:
“Good news in relation to my health. My Oncologist has given me a further six months off. So I am currently in remission and going well.”
You have all of our best wishes, Bob, for a continued recovery.
Earlier Editions
I will be please to email you a copy of the earlier editions of Googlies & Chinamen, if you missed them.
Googlies and Chinamen
is produced by
James Sharp
Broad Lee House
Combs
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Tel & fax: 01298 70237
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