GOOGLIES & CHINAMEN
An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 38
February 2006
Indian Prospects
The tour to India could prove more difficult than the Pakistan one was before Christmas. India is almost certainly a better side than Pakistan and the wickets will be more suited to the home side than the Pakistan ones were. England will once again be carrying the walking wounded and convalescencees and India is not a place to be seeking fitness. Known injuries being nursed include Peg Leg (knee), Jones the Ball (leg), KP (rib), Freddie (leg and back) and Gilo (hip). This in addition to the selection handicaps which include the Teflon Taff, as always, the retention of Udal and Collingwood OBE as the only batting cover. Add to this the maternity leave which is being granted to Banger and the task is made all that much harder.
South Hampstead Prospects
Ian McIntosh tells me that the 2005 cricket season for South Hampstead must have been the club's worst ever with three of the four sides being relegated. The only saving grace being that it was the 1st XI that retained its league position in the Middlesex County League One, the division below the Premier.
The good news is that on the fiscal front the 50/200 club is now being run by Fred Perham after a period when draws were not being made. This has now been remedied with the draws being brought up to date. Mac promises to advise me of the winners over the last decade…
Australian Prospects The Ashes loss has galvanised Australian cricket. The dropping of established players seems to have done the trick. Hodge and Hussey look fixtures in the test side whilst there is a range of new guys hovering around the one-day team. The real revelation though has been the fielding, which has moved up probably two notches. Ponting and Symonds have been exceptional and seem to hit the stumps at will. In the various forms of the game in the Australian summer batsmen have constantly been run out when they weren’t even hurrying to get in. The England fielding in November will be pedestrian by comparison unless they change their techniques or find some new talent. By all accounts Monty Panesar won’t help in this department.
Barmy Army Matters I have been trying to work out why the Barmy Army is so offensive and not just irritating. I have come to the conclusion that it is because they insist on inflicting themselves on other paying spectators. They are not content to be entertained by the cricket and indeed one wonders whether they know enough about the game to appreciate it at all. This is borne out by their need to constantly entertain themselves throughout the day’s proceedings with their moronic chanting and singing.
Out and About with the Professor
Given that we were in Canada this Christmas, and that the news from
Pakistan was so grim, we took ourselves off to an ice hockey game. I
have seen several baseball games and a couple of "grid-iron" football
matches, but this was my first go at ice hockey. Leaving aside the
question as to why anyone would want to play hockey on such a slippery
surface, it seemed important to get a first hand experience of what
seems to be the Canadian game. A few days earlier, a taxi driver had
told us that it was a very sad day for Canadians because Wayne Gretzky
was burying his mother. Notwithstanding the practical difficulties of
doing this in the perma-frost, I had to confess that I did not know
who exactly Wayne Gretzky was, nor indeed his mother (she's
called "Phyllis", by the way). The cab driver simply could not believe
this. He accused me of "pulling his leg" (the very idea); everyone in
the world, I was assured, knew who Mr. G was. Since Judith was also in
the cab, I checked with her and we rapidly established that two out of
the three occupants did not know. "People in Africa know who Wayne
Gretzky is", I was told. (I have been to Africa about a dozen times or
so but have not, as far as I can recall, heard his name mentioned).
Anyway, it turns out that Mr. G has now retired from playing and is
coach to a team in Phoenix - (why should they want to play ice-hockey
in a stinking hot place like Arizona?) but was known in his playing
days quite simply as: "The Great One". It must be quite a soubriquet
to bear and made me immediately think of our very own Great Jack
Morgan.
Anyway, back to the game. The first shock was the ticket price - since we had to buy them from spivs ("scalpers" in the local vernacular) and they turned out to be about £75 each. Still I suppose that by Premier League standards that is not too bad, given that the whole thing takes about two and a half hours. Much of that is made up, of course, of family entertainments (sic) and commercial breaks. There was only 65 minutes "hockey". Baseball has the advantage that since the ball is so seldom struck, there is little to interrupt the Americans' principal pleasures of
eating, drinking and talking; "grid-iron" football is a famously
staccato affair which allows ample opportunity for daft marching bands
to go up and down, and for attractive young women in very short skirts
to jump up and down adding an excitement of their own for even a short-
sighted middle aged academic sitting about 200 yards away. Ice-hockey,
has "competitions". There was a competition for people, seemingly
drawn at random from the crowd, to shoot into an empty net (not many
could), and another for people to imitate the way a "famous" disc
jockey said "Good Morning" or something like that. There was a
competition for you to identify past players by their nickname: "The
Bull", "Tiger" and things like that. "The Great One" did not come
up...but I suppose that was too obvious. I was thinking that some of
this might be transferable to Twenty/20 cricket to make the whole
thing even more exciting - although identifying Vaughanie and
Straussie might not be too taxing (not to mention Johnners and
Aggers).
The match itself was very close and was fought out (sometimes
literally) between the local rivals of Toronto and Buffalo. It is, of
course, a game that takes place at breakneck pace and a good example
of something that is much better to watch live. Ice hockey, I soon
realised, does not televise very well. You need to be able to see the
whole pitch and to pick up the flight of the puck from where it is
hit. I suspect it may be true of all games where the ball moves very
quickly (cf snooker). The whole thing is fast and furious with bunches
of substitutes coming on at any time and charging around at high
speed. On one occasion the Buffalo side were penalised for having too
many men on the pitch - although how anyone could tell was a mystery.
There were one or two things that I thought might be transferable to
football:
1. The "sin-bin" idea, now used in rugby, is surely a much better idea
than the ridiculous business of red and yellow cards. It penalises the
team there and then and it stops all the daft business of adding up
points for lengths of ban. The use of different lengths of time in the
sin-bin is also a good idea. Two minutes for tripping, five for
punching someone repeatedly on the head, and so forth.
2. While North Americans are famously reluctant to launch into irony,
I was interested to see that during the match the large overhead
screens showed a short clip of a strapping American male apparently
making amorous advances towards a large bovine beast which was, of
course, a buffalo. This piss-taking was obviously hilarious, or so the
man sitting immediately in front of me clearly thought and could, I
mused, handily replace the pusillanimously respectful: "Welcome
to..." that we get in football programmes. (Notwithstanding the fact
that the "Welcome to..." in the last Rangers game that I went to
identified the wrong team).
3. We had to play extra time in our match and that is done by a
reduced number of players (5 instead of 6) and I thought that it
immediately produced a better, obviously more open, game. So why do we have 11 in football? The number was decided when players were unfit, grounds were like the Somme and footballs could only be kicked to the halfway line on a dry day. Why not 10 or 9? It would solve some of Sven's selection problems and possibly give "smaller" footballing nations more of a chance in the World Cup. As you may have deduced by now, the other thing they do at ice-hockey games is drink...a lot.
Perhaps we could also adapt some of these to cricket?
Peach’s Thirty Three
Bob Baxter has joined the debate on who does or does not qualify to join the list of those who have played for South Hampstead and also played first class cricket. He sent me this: “Just to say that the guy’s name is David Tooze not as spelt in previous correspondence. I am not sure if he played first class cricket but it wasn’t for Middlesex. He was on the MCC Groundstaff and then went back up north where he certainly played Minor Counties cricket.” Before I could reply he sent me this: “I thought about it again last night and he actually spelt his name Towse.”
I then received the following communication from Dipak Parmar:
Whilst having been in regular receipt of your fine ‘newsletter’ for some time, until now I have never felt the compulsion to contribute anything of note, though the same does not seem to have applied to others. In fact, I had perceived Gs & C as something of a haven for the, elderly, and often, infirm ex-cricketer, something to be filed between copies of ‘The Oldie’ and less recent editions of ‘Old Moore’s Almanac’. The type of reading to while away the hours on the stair lift perhaps, or to relax to whilst soaking in the stand up bath.
Having noted the rich but often rambling contributions from old friends such as PF Ray, John Williams, Allen Bruton, Bill Jarvis, Alf Langley and Peachy himself of course, I felt it possibly best to refrain from associating with these types of gents, just for now at least whilst my playing days count down.
However, the recent discussions on first class players at South Hampstead have aroused my interest somewhat. Having been a regular playing member for more than twenty years and a little further from dementia than both Peachy and Macintosh, I can vouch for, and indeed have contributed many of the names put forward. By the way, the David Toosie that you cannot find in your editions of Wisden is actually David Towse, only a marginally less silly name, I agree.
In a further capacity, I can also state that it was not Ken James, but me that partnered Desmond Haynes when we opened the batting on his sole appearance for the club, only some five or six years ago. Please allow me to relate the tale.
It was a well-known fact the South Hampstead Wednesday XI was often the strongest side of the week with odd guests from other clubs and friends bolstering a useful turnout from the club itself. We would often find ourselves 300 odd for one or two before unleashing Ken James upon their tired and bemused batters. However, on this occasion when facing a side from the 1987 League led by arch rival Charlie Meyers from Wembley, Ken had surpassed even his own high Machiavellian standards by inviting Desmond Haynes for a game. Haynes was at the time resident nearby at a house owned by the Barbados High Commission and he would often pop in for a drink or ten. As with so many of Ken’s victims, he was obviously caught at a weak moment.
On being asked to open the batting with Dessie (as he was known, not ‘Des’), I was far from overawed. I had already shared considerable stands with Adam Gilchrist and Sourav Ganguly in my time, and batting with a retired Haynes just seemed like another Wednesday’s work. I gave him the benefit of my advice on the South Hampstead wicket (low bounce – play forward, slope down to the bowling green-ball cuts back, etc). He just smiled, but all the same, seemed grateful for my expertise. He also gave me some advice, but it was short and I failed to catch it.
We shared a 100 stand and both scored fifties before doing the decent thing on a Wednesday afternoon and sacrificing our wickets. Dessie by stepping out to a spinner (or was it Charlie Meyers?) and getting stumped. Myself by nicking an out swinger to the wicketkeeper.
I think that the game ended in a draw much to Charlie’s delight and Ken’s chagrin, and a memorable evening was had – so memorable that very few of us can remember much of it. At some point, even Gordon Greenidge turned up to see his old mate, and I do briefly recall sharing stories with him of what it was like to open the batting with Dessie.
All stories of the South Hampstead Wednesday XI are always welcome. Come to think of it in an earlier era Dessie could have found himself opening with Bertie Joel or Peter Barclay.
I thought that that was that on Peach’s Thirty-three for this month but then I received the following from Ian McIntosh
As I pointed out in my original email, the club records are not what they should be and to stop Jack Morgan spending further time scurrying through MCCC records I accept there should be an erratum in G&C36. The name of the player is David Towers who played for the club in the championship winning side of 1988. He was an MCC young pro from Yorkshire who bowled medium and could bat a bit. There was talk that he that might get taken on at Middlesex after trials. However, I paid a visit to the MCC library and can now confirm he did not get first class accreditation.
As an aside and to deflect from the above I can verify that Ron Hooker played exactly 300 matches for MCCC and that Henry played four times in 1948 with a top score of 76 not out.
Before I do any more head scratching I think that we must establish what are the criteria for inclusion. Obviously a number have played only the one game and are not members of South Hampstead. Some are guests of the club but then we must consider what constitutes being a member of the club. I suggest that we should consider the appropriate criteria for inclusion in this select band. The following list may help in this regard:
1 paid a sub
2 not paid a sub, but an "employee"
3 playing in a club sweater
4 bought Don Wallis a large scotch
5 cohabiting with Dick Simpson or Ken James
6 being on the ground with kit in the car
7 being an acquaintance of the captain/or a member
Ian is right we really need to sort this out Sparks Family and Cream
The Great Jack Morgan was quick to correct my piece on Sparks: “You are quite wrong in thinking that Sparks had only one UK hit. This Town Ain’t Big Enough for Both of Us was easily their biggest, reaching no 2, but they had nine hits altogether, totaling seventy weeks in the charts. I recall Family using the Bush pavilion to rehearse some time around the late sixties/ early seventies... but not during a match!”
As it happens Family is one of my favourite English rock bands who I still play and so I replied: I didn’t know that Family used the Bush pavilion for rehearsals. Are you able to elaborate on this? If you are struggling you could always make some stuff up. Presumably there would have been groupies around which would have meant that Jukes would have been in attendance?
The Great Jack Morgan replied: “I have no more on Family matters. As far as I know, they turned up on a few weekday afternoons and disturbed only the groundsman, Bill Adams and a few bowls members. I heard no stories about Jukes and the groupies I’m afraid. You will be intrigued to know that Sparks are touring here in February and I know that you will not want to miss their gig at the Lowry in Salford on Wednesday 15th Feb, but I am sure that Don Wallis and Peter Ray already have their tickets for the performance at the Forum in London on Saturday 18th.”
And then I received this from Cousin Jim Revier:
I enjoyed the Sparks story in a recent Googlies. On a similar theme in the early 1970's the Bush, as usual, were hard up in the cash stakes. Grasping any opportunity to make a few readies they hired the clubhouse out to anyone who wanted it. Around this time Cream had split up and Ginger Baker had gone off to form GB's 'Airforce'. So, after an exchange of the necessary bunce the hall was hired out for a few midweek afternoons for Ginger’s boys to practise. For some reason I had to pop into the club one afternoon and approaching from Acton Park could clearly pick up some pretty heavy rock riffs. Getting closer to the pavilion the noise became quite deafening and I also witnessed the distressing sight of the legendary club dog, Buller, lying near to the old score box with his paws over his ears. Manuel, the club groundsman, was also mortified as the noise had prevented his usual five hour siesta.
The Bush at this time still had a Steward in the shape of Jim 'Solly' Thomas and his wife Violet and Ginger’s practice sessions were brought to an early closure as they made the place 'uninhabitable' for Jim and Vi. Although anyone unfortunate enough ever to see Jim and Vi's quarters would already have come to that conclusion.
The South Hampstead Slope
You may recall that in an earlier edition I generously agreed to review and reclassify dismissals at Milverton Road that may have been unfairly assisted by the slope. I magnanimously suggested a modest £5 fee per review for this service and it has proved a nice little earner as readers have used this facility to boost their career batting averages.
One unexpected development has been a class action suit brought by all batsmen dismissed by Ian McIntosh at South Hampstead. Their contention is that Mac has never spun a ball in his career and that, therefore, all of his dismissals must have been slope assisted. I have to say that I have considerable sympathy for their position and look forward to reviewing the individual dismissals, which I shall only do after receipt of the not inconsiderable cheque.
If I concur with the protagonists then it will put a considerable dent in Mac’s career haul of wickets during his thirty-five year playing career at the club. Perhaps I had better give consideration to the level of fee that I will charge him if he decides to appeal against my decision.
The Shape of things to come
The inaugural Twenty20 match played on Australian soil took place in front of 38,894 spectators at the Gabba in Brisbane. This is the highest attendance ever for any sporting event at this ground including Australian Rules football and Rugby. It contrasts with the Rest of the World match in October which was classified as a full test match, featured the world’s best players and was attended by only a handful of spectators.
This match, like many one-day games was one-sided and after the initial phase the result was never in doubt. Nevertheless, the crowd shouted and screamed at every ball and swilled bear throughout.
The event made a fortune and was considered an unqualified success. There is no doubt that there will be more, not less, of this stuff.
Match Report
The following match took place at Milverton Road on Wednesday 22 June 1977 between South Hampstead and the MCC
This was the Wednesday of the club’s cricket week and we fielded a side representing the various levels of the club and strengthened by the presence of Ian Jerman who was visiting. Don Wallis, coming out of retirement, captained the MCC side and it featured a fairly strong Shepherds Bush element. I had a camera with me, which explains the availability of a photo record, and it seems to have been my only contribution to the events of the day.
Gary Black, Roy Cutler, Ricky Cameron are led off the field by Don Wallis
Steve Thompson won the toss and elected to bat first. He opened the batting with Terry Cordaroy at 11.45 am and despite the efforts of Roy Cutler, Gary Black and Ricky Cameron they were still together at lunch. In fact it wasn’t until 3.19pm that Steve was LBW to N. Perrin for 78. The opening stand had been worth 191. Chandy Ratnatunga and Mike D’Silva both fell cheaply to the same bowler but John Chitty was there with Terry Cordaroy when the declaration came at 241 for 3. Terry was 130 not out and he had managed to survive eight overs from Wallis, which had only conceded a respectable thirty runs.
Ossie Burton & Chandy Ratnatunga
John Chitty and Terry Cordaroy
The MCC innings started at 4pm and Ian Jerman dismissed Moody in his first over and Ossie Burton bowled Ricky Cameron soon after. This brought Gary Black to the crease to join David Jukes. They added 84 before Bob Cozens dismissed Jukes for a typically hard hit 67. This brought Alvin Nienow in to join Black and they added 53 in twenty-nine minutes against the left arm spin of Jeremy Hall and Bob Cozens. However, the MCC innings was reaching the final hour and as usual Ossie was brought back at the Milverton Road end for the final ten overs at that end. He bowled Nienow but Tim Ratcliffe kept Black company whilst the target was reduced to only 20 just after 7pm. But Jerman was now bowling from the Sidmouth Road end and he had Black caught for 81.
The rest of the innings was a scramble. Ratcliffe and Cutler were run out and Ossie dismissed Peter Minor and Wallis. The last pair at the crease survived the final over and the match was drawn with the MCC finishing on 237 for 9.
Ricky Cameron & Don Wallis David Jukes & Mike D’Silva
Irritating trends in modern cricket number 34
Whilst the Professor was speculating in Toronto the Aussies were actually doing it at the Gabba. In the first Twenty20 international on Australian soil the home side had their nicknames emblazoned on their shirts for their clash with South Africa. This demeaning development was neither fun nor sensible.
It wasn’t fun because few of the players had novel or worthwhile nicknames. James Hopes is apparently known as Catfish, whilst Messrs Ponting, Symonds, Clarke and Clark are respectively known as Punter, Roy, Pup and Sarfraz. These were the good ones, the rest were supremely dull: Marto (Damien Martyn), BJ (Brad Haddin), Kat (Simon Katich), Mr. Cricket (Mike Hussey), Bracks (Nathan Bracken) and Billy (Mike Lewis).
It wasn’t sensible because the crowd was only there for the beer and had enough trouble identifying the players at all without having to go through the additional step of translating their nicknames.
Sadly we shall, no doubt, have to endure this novelty further. Let’s hope that it is confined to Twenty20 matches.
Strange Elevens
Last month’s Strange Eleven was comprised of bearded practitioners. This month’s teaser is rather parochial but for those of you who aren’t familiar with the names I can only suggest that you have a guess based on the known backgrounds of my regular correspondents.
Albert Dorrington
Geoff Cleaver
Colin Evans
Alvin Nienow
Dave Richardson
Pete Bunker
Dick Bond
Bob Guarniere
Terry Wood (w/k)
Allan Keates
Ray Keates
Rangers Matters
You may recall that Jim Revier is a season ticket holder at Loftus Road and so he has to go to the matches. He sent me this mid term report:
“The Rangers have improved a bit of late. We look more secure at the back with the return of Rose, and Richard Langley seems more settled each game although his shooting, penalties apart, has been pretty atrocious (sorry Alf). Baidoo is extremely promising, there are great hopes for Donnelly but overall the best players over the season so far have been Royce, Bignot and Big Danny - all defenders. Opinions on Holloway divide the crowd. For what its worth I’m with him. He's the one who dragged us back from the drudgery of Division 1 and probably his only fault was over achieving last season. And anyway who on earth would replace him? Answers on the usual postcard, please.”
Earlier Editions
I will be please to email you a copy of the earlier editions of Googlies & Chinamen, if you missed or have mislaid them. If you received this edition through a third party, please send me your email address to ensure that you get on the main mailing list for future editions.
Googlies and Chinamen
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An Occasional Cricketing Journal
Edition 38
February 2006
Indian Prospects
The tour to India could prove more difficult than the Pakistan one was before Christmas. India is almost certainly a better side than Pakistan and the wickets will be more suited to the home side than the Pakistan ones were. England will once again be carrying the walking wounded and convalescencees and India is not a place to be seeking fitness. Known injuries being nursed include Peg Leg (knee), Jones the Ball (leg), KP (rib), Freddie (leg and back) and Gilo (hip). This in addition to the selection handicaps which include the Teflon Taff, as always, the retention of Udal and Collingwood OBE as the only batting cover. Add to this the maternity leave which is being granted to Banger and the task is made all that much harder.
South Hampstead Prospects
Ian McIntosh tells me that the 2005 cricket season for South Hampstead must have been the club's worst ever with three of the four sides being relegated. The only saving grace being that it was the 1st XI that retained its league position in the Middlesex County League One, the division below the Premier.
The good news is that on the fiscal front the 50/200 club is now being run by Fred Perham after a period when draws were not being made. This has now been remedied with the draws being brought up to date. Mac promises to advise me of the winners over the last decade…
Australian Prospects The Ashes loss has galvanised Australian cricket. The dropping of established players seems to have done the trick. Hodge and Hussey look fixtures in the test side whilst there is a range of new guys hovering around the one-day team. The real revelation though has been the fielding, which has moved up probably two notches. Ponting and Symonds have been exceptional and seem to hit the stumps at will. In the various forms of the game in the Australian summer batsmen have constantly been run out when they weren’t even hurrying to get in. The England fielding in November will be pedestrian by comparison unless they change their techniques or find some new talent. By all accounts Monty Panesar won’t help in this department.
Barmy Army Matters I have been trying to work out why the Barmy Army is so offensive and not just irritating. I have come to the conclusion that it is because they insist on inflicting themselves on other paying spectators. They are not content to be entertained by the cricket and indeed one wonders whether they know enough about the game to appreciate it at all. This is borne out by their need to constantly entertain themselves throughout the day’s proceedings with their moronic chanting and singing.
Out and About with the Professor
Given that we were in Canada this Christmas, and that the news from
Pakistan was so grim, we took ourselves off to an ice hockey game. I
have seen several baseball games and a couple of "grid-iron" football
matches, but this was my first go at ice hockey. Leaving aside the
question as to why anyone would want to play hockey on such a slippery
surface, it seemed important to get a first hand experience of what
seems to be the Canadian game. A few days earlier, a taxi driver had
told us that it was a very sad day for Canadians because Wayne Gretzky
was burying his mother. Notwithstanding the practical difficulties of
doing this in the perma-frost, I had to confess that I did not know
who exactly Wayne Gretzky was, nor indeed his mother (she's
called "Phyllis", by the way). The cab driver simply could not believe
this. He accused me of "pulling his leg" (the very idea); everyone in
the world, I was assured, knew who Mr. G was. Since Judith was also in
the cab, I checked with her and we rapidly established that two out of
the three occupants did not know. "People in Africa know who Wayne
Gretzky is", I was told. (I have been to Africa about a dozen times or
so but have not, as far as I can recall, heard his name mentioned).
Anyway, it turns out that Mr. G has now retired from playing and is
coach to a team in Phoenix - (why should they want to play ice-hockey
in a stinking hot place like Arizona?) but was known in his playing
days quite simply as: "The Great One". It must be quite a soubriquet
to bear and made me immediately think of our very own Great Jack
Morgan.
Anyway, back to the game. The first shock was the ticket price - since we had to buy them from spivs ("scalpers" in the local vernacular) and they turned out to be about £75 each. Still I suppose that by Premier League standards that is not too bad, given that the whole thing takes about two and a half hours. Much of that is made up, of course, of family entertainments (sic) and commercial breaks. There was only 65 minutes "hockey". Baseball has the advantage that since the ball is so seldom struck, there is little to interrupt the Americans' principal pleasures of
eating, drinking and talking; "grid-iron" football is a famously
staccato affair which allows ample opportunity for daft marching bands
to go up and down, and for attractive young women in very short skirts
to jump up and down adding an excitement of their own for even a short-
sighted middle aged academic sitting about 200 yards away. Ice-hockey,
has "competitions". There was a competition for people, seemingly
drawn at random from the crowd, to shoot into an empty net (not many
could), and another for people to imitate the way a "famous" disc
jockey said "Good Morning" or something like that. There was a
competition for you to identify past players by their nickname: "The
Bull", "Tiger" and things like that. "The Great One" did not come
up...but I suppose that was too obvious. I was thinking that some of
this might be transferable to Twenty/20 cricket to make the whole
thing even more exciting - although identifying Vaughanie and
Straussie might not be too taxing (not to mention Johnners and
Aggers).
The match itself was very close and was fought out (sometimes
literally) between the local rivals of Toronto and Buffalo. It is, of
course, a game that takes place at breakneck pace and a good example
of something that is much better to watch live. Ice hockey, I soon
realised, does not televise very well. You need to be able to see the
whole pitch and to pick up the flight of the puck from where it is
hit. I suspect it may be true of all games where the ball moves very
quickly (cf snooker). The whole thing is fast and furious with bunches
of substitutes coming on at any time and charging around at high
speed. On one occasion the Buffalo side were penalised for having too
many men on the pitch - although how anyone could tell was a mystery.
There were one or two things that I thought might be transferable to
football:
1. The "sin-bin" idea, now used in rugby, is surely a much better idea
than the ridiculous business of red and yellow cards. It penalises the
team there and then and it stops all the daft business of adding up
points for lengths of ban. The use of different lengths of time in the
sin-bin is also a good idea. Two minutes for tripping, five for
punching someone repeatedly on the head, and so forth.
2. While North Americans are famously reluctant to launch into irony,
I was interested to see that during the match the large overhead
screens showed a short clip of a strapping American male apparently
making amorous advances towards a large bovine beast which was, of
course, a buffalo. This piss-taking was obviously hilarious, or so the
man sitting immediately in front of me clearly thought and could, I
mused, handily replace the pusillanimously respectful: "Welcome
to..." that we get in football programmes. (Notwithstanding the fact
that the "Welcome to..." in the last Rangers game that I went to
identified the wrong team).
3. We had to play extra time in our match and that is done by a
reduced number of players (5 instead of 6) and I thought that it
immediately produced a better, obviously more open, game. So why do we have 11 in football? The number was decided when players were unfit, grounds were like the Somme and footballs could only be kicked to the halfway line on a dry day. Why not 10 or 9? It would solve some of Sven's selection problems and possibly give "smaller" footballing nations more of a chance in the World Cup. As you may have deduced by now, the other thing they do at ice-hockey games is drink...a lot.
Perhaps we could also adapt some of these to cricket?
Peach’s Thirty Three
Bob Baxter has joined the debate on who does or does not qualify to join the list of those who have played for South Hampstead and also played first class cricket. He sent me this: “Just to say that the guy’s name is David Tooze not as spelt in previous correspondence. I am not sure if he played first class cricket but it wasn’t for Middlesex. He was on the MCC Groundstaff and then went back up north where he certainly played Minor Counties cricket.” Before I could reply he sent me this: “I thought about it again last night and he actually spelt his name Towse.”
I then received the following communication from Dipak Parmar:
Whilst having been in regular receipt of your fine ‘newsletter’ for some time, until now I have never felt the compulsion to contribute anything of note, though the same does not seem to have applied to others. In fact, I had perceived Gs & C as something of a haven for the, elderly, and often, infirm ex-cricketer, something to be filed between copies of ‘The Oldie’ and less recent editions of ‘Old Moore’s Almanac’. The type of reading to while away the hours on the stair lift perhaps, or to relax to whilst soaking in the stand up bath.
Having noted the rich but often rambling contributions from old friends such as PF Ray, John Williams, Allen Bruton, Bill Jarvis, Alf Langley and Peachy himself of course, I felt it possibly best to refrain from associating with these types of gents, just for now at least whilst my playing days count down.
However, the recent discussions on first class players at South Hampstead have aroused my interest somewhat. Having been a regular playing member for more than twenty years and a little further from dementia than both Peachy and Macintosh, I can vouch for, and indeed have contributed many of the names put forward. By the way, the David Toosie that you cannot find in your editions of Wisden is actually David Towse, only a marginally less silly name, I agree.
In a further capacity, I can also state that it was not Ken James, but me that partnered Desmond Haynes when we opened the batting on his sole appearance for the club, only some five or six years ago. Please allow me to relate the tale.
It was a well-known fact the South Hampstead Wednesday XI was often the strongest side of the week with odd guests from other clubs and friends bolstering a useful turnout from the club itself. We would often find ourselves 300 odd for one or two before unleashing Ken James upon their tired and bemused batters. However, on this occasion when facing a side from the 1987 League led by arch rival Charlie Meyers from Wembley, Ken had surpassed even his own high Machiavellian standards by inviting Desmond Haynes for a game. Haynes was at the time resident nearby at a house owned by the Barbados High Commission and he would often pop in for a drink or ten. As with so many of Ken’s victims, he was obviously caught at a weak moment.
On being asked to open the batting with Dessie (as he was known, not ‘Des’), I was far from overawed. I had already shared considerable stands with Adam Gilchrist and Sourav Ganguly in my time, and batting with a retired Haynes just seemed like another Wednesday’s work. I gave him the benefit of my advice on the South Hampstead wicket (low bounce – play forward, slope down to the bowling green-ball cuts back, etc). He just smiled, but all the same, seemed grateful for my expertise. He also gave me some advice, but it was short and I failed to catch it.
We shared a 100 stand and both scored fifties before doing the decent thing on a Wednesday afternoon and sacrificing our wickets. Dessie by stepping out to a spinner (or was it Charlie Meyers?) and getting stumped. Myself by nicking an out swinger to the wicketkeeper.
I think that the game ended in a draw much to Charlie’s delight and Ken’s chagrin, and a memorable evening was had – so memorable that very few of us can remember much of it. At some point, even Gordon Greenidge turned up to see his old mate, and I do briefly recall sharing stories with him of what it was like to open the batting with Dessie.
All stories of the South Hampstead Wednesday XI are always welcome. Come to think of it in an earlier era Dessie could have found himself opening with Bertie Joel or Peter Barclay.
I thought that that was that on Peach’s Thirty-three for this month but then I received the following from Ian McIntosh
As I pointed out in my original email, the club records are not what they should be and to stop Jack Morgan spending further time scurrying through MCCC records I accept there should be an erratum in G&C36. The name of the player is David Towers who played for the club in the championship winning side of 1988. He was an MCC young pro from Yorkshire who bowled medium and could bat a bit. There was talk that he that might get taken on at Middlesex after trials. However, I paid a visit to the MCC library and can now confirm he did not get first class accreditation.
As an aside and to deflect from the above I can verify that Ron Hooker played exactly 300 matches for MCCC and that Henry played four times in 1948 with a top score of 76 not out.
Before I do any more head scratching I think that we must establish what are the criteria for inclusion. Obviously a number have played only the one game and are not members of South Hampstead. Some are guests of the club but then we must consider what constitutes being a member of the club. I suggest that we should consider the appropriate criteria for inclusion in this select band. The following list may help in this regard:
1 paid a sub
2 not paid a sub, but an "employee"
3 playing in a club sweater
4 bought Don Wallis a large scotch
5 cohabiting with Dick Simpson or Ken James
6 being on the ground with kit in the car
7 being an acquaintance of the captain/or a member
Ian is right we really need to sort this out Sparks Family and Cream
The Great Jack Morgan was quick to correct my piece on Sparks: “You are quite wrong in thinking that Sparks had only one UK hit. This Town Ain’t Big Enough for Both of Us was easily their biggest, reaching no 2, but they had nine hits altogether, totaling seventy weeks in the charts. I recall Family using the Bush pavilion to rehearse some time around the late sixties/ early seventies... but not during a match!”
As it happens Family is one of my favourite English rock bands who I still play and so I replied: I didn’t know that Family used the Bush pavilion for rehearsals. Are you able to elaborate on this? If you are struggling you could always make some stuff up. Presumably there would have been groupies around which would have meant that Jukes would have been in attendance?
The Great Jack Morgan replied: “I have no more on Family matters. As far as I know, they turned up on a few weekday afternoons and disturbed only the groundsman, Bill Adams and a few bowls members. I heard no stories about Jukes and the groupies I’m afraid. You will be intrigued to know that Sparks are touring here in February and I know that you will not want to miss their gig at the Lowry in Salford on Wednesday 15th Feb, but I am sure that Don Wallis and Peter Ray already have their tickets for the performance at the Forum in London on Saturday 18th.”
And then I received this from Cousin Jim Revier:
I enjoyed the Sparks story in a recent Googlies. On a similar theme in the early 1970's the Bush, as usual, were hard up in the cash stakes. Grasping any opportunity to make a few readies they hired the clubhouse out to anyone who wanted it. Around this time Cream had split up and Ginger Baker had gone off to form GB's 'Airforce'. So, after an exchange of the necessary bunce the hall was hired out for a few midweek afternoons for Ginger’s boys to practise. For some reason I had to pop into the club one afternoon and approaching from Acton Park could clearly pick up some pretty heavy rock riffs. Getting closer to the pavilion the noise became quite deafening and I also witnessed the distressing sight of the legendary club dog, Buller, lying near to the old score box with his paws over his ears. Manuel, the club groundsman, was also mortified as the noise had prevented his usual five hour siesta.
The Bush at this time still had a Steward in the shape of Jim 'Solly' Thomas and his wife Violet and Ginger’s practice sessions were brought to an early closure as they made the place 'uninhabitable' for Jim and Vi. Although anyone unfortunate enough ever to see Jim and Vi's quarters would already have come to that conclusion.
The South Hampstead Slope
You may recall that in an earlier edition I generously agreed to review and reclassify dismissals at Milverton Road that may have been unfairly assisted by the slope. I magnanimously suggested a modest £5 fee per review for this service and it has proved a nice little earner as readers have used this facility to boost their career batting averages.
One unexpected development has been a class action suit brought by all batsmen dismissed by Ian McIntosh at South Hampstead. Their contention is that Mac has never spun a ball in his career and that, therefore, all of his dismissals must have been slope assisted. I have to say that I have considerable sympathy for their position and look forward to reviewing the individual dismissals, which I shall only do after receipt of the not inconsiderable cheque.
If I concur with the protagonists then it will put a considerable dent in Mac’s career haul of wickets during his thirty-five year playing career at the club. Perhaps I had better give consideration to the level of fee that I will charge him if he decides to appeal against my decision.
The Shape of things to come
The inaugural Twenty20 match played on Australian soil took place in front of 38,894 spectators at the Gabba in Brisbane. This is the highest attendance ever for any sporting event at this ground including Australian Rules football and Rugby. It contrasts with the Rest of the World match in October which was classified as a full test match, featured the world’s best players and was attended by only a handful of spectators.
This match, like many one-day games was one-sided and after the initial phase the result was never in doubt. Nevertheless, the crowd shouted and screamed at every ball and swilled bear throughout.
The event made a fortune and was considered an unqualified success. There is no doubt that there will be more, not less, of this stuff.
Match Report
The following match took place at Milverton Road on Wednesday 22 June 1977 between South Hampstead and the MCC
This was the Wednesday of the club’s cricket week and we fielded a side representing the various levels of the club and strengthened by the presence of Ian Jerman who was visiting. Don Wallis, coming out of retirement, captained the MCC side and it featured a fairly strong Shepherds Bush element. I had a camera with me, which explains the availability of a photo record, and it seems to have been my only contribution to the events of the day.
Gary Black, Roy Cutler, Ricky Cameron are led off the field by Don Wallis
Steve Thompson won the toss and elected to bat first. He opened the batting with Terry Cordaroy at 11.45 am and despite the efforts of Roy Cutler, Gary Black and Ricky Cameron they were still together at lunch. In fact it wasn’t until 3.19pm that Steve was LBW to N. Perrin for 78. The opening stand had been worth 191. Chandy Ratnatunga and Mike D’Silva both fell cheaply to the same bowler but John Chitty was there with Terry Cordaroy when the declaration came at 241 for 3. Terry was 130 not out and he had managed to survive eight overs from Wallis, which had only conceded a respectable thirty runs.
Ossie Burton & Chandy Ratnatunga
John Chitty and Terry Cordaroy
The MCC innings started at 4pm and Ian Jerman dismissed Moody in his first over and Ossie Burton bowled Ricky Cameron soon after. This brought Gary Black to the crease to join David Jukes. They added 84 before Bob Cozens dismissed Jukes for a typically hard hit 67. This brought Alvin Nienow in to join Black and they added 53 in twenty-nine minutes against the left arm spin of Jeremy Hall and Bob Cozens. However, the MCC innings was reaching the final hour and as usual Ossie was brought back at the Milverton Road end for the final ten overs at that end. He bowled Nienow but Tim Ratcliffe kept Black company whilst the target was reduced to only 20 just after 7pm. But Jerman was now bowling from the Sidmouth Road end and he had Black caught for 81.
The rest of the innings was a scramble. Ratcliffe and Cutler were run out and Ossie dismissed Peter Minor and Wallis. The last pair at the crease survived the final over and the match was drawn with the MCC finishing on 237 for 9.
Ricky Cameron & Don Wallis David Jukes & Mike D’Silva
Irritating trends in modern cricket number 34
Whilst the Professor was speculating in Toronto the Aussies were actually doing it at the Gabba. In the first Twenty20 international on Australian soil the home side had their nicknames emblazoned on their shirts for their clash with South Africa. This demeaning development was neither fun nor sensible.
It wasn’t fun because few of the players had novel or worthwhile nicknames. James Hopes is apparently known as Catfish, whilst Messrs Ponting, Symonds, Clarke and Clark are respectively known as Punter, Roy, Pup and Sarfraz. These were the good ones, the rest were supremely dull: Marto (Damien Martyn), BJ (Brad Haddin), Kat (Simon Katich), Mr. Cricket (Mike Hussey), Bracks (Nathan Bracken) and Billy (Mike Lewis).
It wasn’t sensible because the crowd was only there for the beer and had enough trouble identifying the players at all without having to go through the additional step of translating their nicknames.
Sadly we shall, no doubt, have to endure this novelty further. Let’s hope that it is confined to Twenty20 matches.
Strange Elevens
Last month’s Strange Eleven was comprised of bearded practitioners. This month’s teaser is rather parochial but for those of you who aren’t familiar with the names I can only suggest that you have a guess based on the known backgrounds of my regular correspondents.
Albert Dorrington
Geoff Cleaver
Colin Evans
Alvin Nienow
Dave Richardson
Pete Bunker
Dick Bond
Bob Guarniere
Terry Wood (w/k)
Allan Keates
Ray Keates
Rangers Matters
You may recall that Jim Revier is a season ticket holder at Loftus Road and so he has to go to the matches. He sent me this mid term report:
“The Rangers have improved a bit of late. We look more secure at the back with the return of Rose, and Richard Langley seems more settled each game although his shooting, penalties apart, has been pretty atrocious (sorry Alf). Baidoo is extremely promising, there are great hopes for Donnelly but overall the best players over the season so far have been Royce, Bignot and Big Danny - all defenders. Opinions on Holloway divide the crowd. For what its worth I’m with him. He's the one who dragged us back from the drudgery of Division 1 and probably his only fault was over achieving last season. And anyway who on earth would replace him? Answers on the usual postcard, please.”
Earlier Editions
I will be please to email you a copy of the earlier editions of Googlies & Chinamen, if you missed or have mislaid them. If you received this edition through a third party, please send me your email address to ensure that you get on the main mailing list for future editions.
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